AboutFull Stack webdev with an urge to learn and a tendency to give lecturers a crippling depression
Skillsjs, React, making things way too complicated, PHP, Java
LocationEnschede, the Netherlands
Joined devRant on 11/17/2016
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Dear mobile apps devs,
No one's gonna hate you if you do not provide a multilingual support. Just, please, stop using Google Translate and force the app's language to the phone system's. It's just dumb
A non native english speaker11
Anyone looking to make an investment.
Even headlines should be tested before release 😓. This clickbait thing has made it's way into articles as well. It says just the opposite in the article.4
Hahaha, the DPC (Data Protection Commission) has asked Facebook in a letter to stop transferring Europeans' data to the US.
Since the Privacy Shield agreement is off the table, it's illegal regardless to send any kind of PII data from the EU to the US.
How about we stop nicely asking and start giving fines in the form of millions every time PII data is transferred from the EU to the US by Facebook?
If the EU could grow some balls, that'd be fucking great.19
A better experience? Really?
It looks like you're using more than 100 external parties for whatever fucking reason. It is nearly impossible to disallow these, except for some stuff like analytics, which I don't like since it includes mass surveillance parties like Google and Facebook, but I'd at least, to some extent, understand that better.
But, the amount of dark pattern here is staggering and this kind of 'consent' you're using wouldn't, in a million years, hold up under the GDPR.
You know what would be a better experience? No tracking and no ads.
Go fuck your better experience (would that be a better sex experience....?)4
A lot of docker containers.
I often have to use docker containers while I don't understand it as well yet and quite some containers literally come with zero documentation or bad docs.
This both as for how to set the containers up and how to debug stuff.
This is one of the big reasons why I'm not as big of a fan of docker yet.9
*le me wants to get an icon online*
*le me finds a good icon on a free icon site*
*the icon site does require a free account for downloads but this guy doesn't want to register just for getting an icon*
Inspect element -> copy base64 icon data -> paste into a base64 to file converter online:
Le me has the icon now!8
Never worked for this guy, just saw it someone else's feed and thought it would be appropriate here. This is not leadership. This is bullying and stomping on people in a vulnerable situation which most likely has very little to do with their work ethic and more to do with company health. Yea, definitely elevate yourself and be that A+ person for you. Not for assholes like this. A good leader would empathize and provide resources for advancement and transformation to roles that are more aligned to the current environment.25
Jesus fucking christ, entering w3schools.com (don't ask) and I immediately get a cookie consent thing shoved in my face.
WHY?! Please don't tell me it's so I can get the 'best experience' because that's straight out bullshit. I don't need cookies and you fucking name it to get 'the best fucking experience' while looking up again how that one PHP or HTML or CSS or WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER thing worked.
E-v-e-r-y GODDAMN site has this nowadays, to 'improve my experience' - I block ads anyways so what's the motherfucking point?!
Mother of FUCKING god.
Things I have learned:
-NEVER trust a group of people not to reply all to a large email
-NEVER trust a group of people not to reply to a group text
Screenshot is from yesterday, and violates my second lesson learned (Not my group text, not my fault)5
LaTeX should have an option to notify you every time you catastrophically misspell words and turn a "six" into "sex"...
Trying to investigate why the team of new Devs are reporting a particular set of modules is not properly maintainable, found this little gem at the root, written in 2014.5
How to run a successful business:
1. Fire 30% of staff because covid, 'we can't afford you'
2. Be wrong about covid and have higher sales volume than ever
3. Be unable to handle such traffic with limited resources
4. Move EVERYONE, every fucking specialist, every non-people person to customer support and make them refund ALL disputed orders like robots because customers aren't happy
Confluence is good they said
Confluence is awesome they said
Confluence is cloud based and fucking great...
Confluence is starting to lag like it's the 1990's and my keyboard strokes are taking seconds, literal seconds to catch up..
KEYBOARD LAG!! in 2020!!! fuck this JS bullshit.13
One of my most arrogant customers was one that constantly called support because she could not get things to work as she wanted.
We repeatedly told her that she was working against the way the system was built and that was what was causing her problems.
This was not a custom system for that customer but a cloud product we where offering with over a thousand customers on and it was designed with a certain workflow in mind.
Despite this she always complained that the system was wrong and we needed to fix it.
She was also always late for her deadline complaining that she did not get the information from her bosses in time and demanded we help her get it done :)
But I was fortunate that everyone at our company held a unified position that it was not out fault that her bosses gave her info late or that she tried to do things in a way the system was not designed for.
So when she got to aggressive we just offered her to go somewhere else.
I thing they finally did, after about two years.1
"We need to do operation X about 50 times a second constantly."
X is a database heavy NP-hard problem with an input size of a few million.
And this new thing has to run on the same already stretched hardware that everything else is on.
I spent so long making python notebooks showing graphs why it wouldn't work, eventually someone built the naive exhaustive search anyway to prove it was slow. They pushed that out to production without testing it under any real load. Needless to say clients were annoyed.6
In the news today, a city in Lebanon fell victim to some sort of explosion, which was captured by hundreds of civilians via cell phone recording.
In other news today, millions of people learned Lebanon is a real place.2
My company's logic:
If your account gets locked, you need to raise a ticket using the company portal. In order to access the portal, you need to enter your credentials.3
This is how I feel most of my client proposal start:
* It's simple, I'd like to re-invent <the wheel>.
* All I want to do is use <rocketship engine> on <old typewriter>.
* I'm too cheap to hire a full-time < DBA, DevOps engineer, development team>. Can I pay you pennies?
* I'm poor and broke, can you do this for free?
* I'd like to <commit illegal act> and be <legal compliant standard>.
* I heard it was possible to <fly 30 people to the moon> using <Ford Model-T>. Please do this for us.
* I <sold my house>, but now <I'm locked out by the new owners>. Please help.11
Especially painful being a cybersecurity engineer;
Did something wrong with an if-statement.
Caused authentication to break completely; anyone could login as any user.
Was fixed veeeeeeery quickly 😅 (yes, was already live)9
Client: "Do you think we could finish specs in week 33, see a demo in week 35, and aim for the product to be finished in week 39?"
I jump on the conference room table, rip the shirt off my sweaty chest, and yell:
"WEEKS OF WHAT? 31 WEEKS SINCE YOU BECAME A CLIENT, 35 WEEKS FROM NOW, 39 WEEKS INTO THE PREGNANCY? BLOODY FUCKING HELL MAN, DO YOU HAVE TO TALK LIKE A RETARD?"
Client, unfazed: "Weeks since the start of the year, sir"
Me, swinging my pants above my head like a lasso:
"WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF SNOWFLAKE ARE YOU, YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO COUNT THE WEEKS SINCE THE START OF THE YEAR? WHAT ABOUT JUST USING DAY OF THE MONTH YOU OBNOXIOUS DIMWIT?"
Client: "We always use weeks at our company to plan things"
Me, winding the legs of my pants around the neck of the client:
"I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE USE WEEKNUMBERS, JAKE. I. FUCKING. HATE. IT."
Client, still pretending everything is fine: "If you want I could send you a screenshot of my outlook calendar?"
Me, sitting in underpants on the client's back, sweaty legs wrapped around his waist, trying to pull out his gel-infested manager-hair while strangling him with my pants:
"TIME OF DEATH, UNIX TIMESTAMP 1595240810, ISO 8601 DATE 2020-07-20T10:26:50+00:00. ANOTHER PROJECT SUCCESSFULLY WRAPPED UP"
(parts of this story may have been dramatized to reflect my underlying emotions)31
FATAL: Unknown parameter
FATAL: Unknown parameter
*googles get java version*
openjdk version "1.8.0_252"
Please do rename the "master" branch to "Führer". The umlaut will probably catch a bunch of applications that aren't UTF-8 ready.15
Where I work, this is something that happens daily because manager (non-programming MBA) want everything now without proper design and architecture.11
I worked for a company who supplied CERN with some ultra high end equipment.
At one point the guys at CERN email me "Problem, check this out."
The picture was of some burnt out ultra expensive cards that fit into a larger chassis... the cards looked like they had been exposed to a fire that was located exactly between the cards, but none of the cards themselves looked like they had been on fire. The chips and such looked burnt, but more so exposed to a very hot fire, not like they were on fire themselves.
It was weird. I sent them some crates to securely ship them to our QA folks, and ordered them up about $500k in replacement equipment.
QA later said they never got the equipment, someone "from another department" picked them up from the dock. And CERN never asked about what QA found, that was weird because they always asked.4
Well, there was this one website, with border-radius > 0 on everything... does that count?5
Interviewer asked me how to find the best move in Tic Tac Toe game.
We discussed several ideas and ended up playing Tic Tac Toe for nearly 10 minutes.
It turns out HR was keeping an eye and they had to interrupt.12