Saw my GitHub project shared on social media. WTF? Guess what the thumbnail is everytime it's shared. Why does GitHub use my fucking face? Fork You!

**changing avatar...**

I think rather than go clubbing again tonight, I may just stay in and mess around with Linux in an old desktop or play with python a bit...

And have some vodka.

This rings so true. I'm a full stack backend engineer except it was today I managed to vertically align something in css🤣 which are you?

"finally" what happened?

My parents joining the Linux PC Master race!!!

Stay in school kids

Throw up

!Rant

So the interns tried to 3d print a rubberduck and it got stuck mid way.

Guess i have a coding duck now
I call her "Detached HEAD state"

My friend just made an awkward joke

Me: I couldn't get Postgres working on ubuntu

Friend: How bout installing GET-gres

Me: (awkward silence)

Girl: I love guys who are rich.
Me: I paid for sublime and winrar.
Girl: Your place or mine??

October - Hired

November - Hear that CEO 2 was stealing the company money

December - Dismissing 6 persons. CEO 1 says to me that, since I'm the last hired, I'll be the first dismissed.

March - Company doesn't get better. Dismissing 3 persons... still there.

May - Company doesn't get better. Dismissing 2 persons... still there.

July - Company doesn't get better. Dismissing 9 persons... still there.

Now, with the remaining money the company should live for about 2 years and not dismiss employees anymore.

We were 25 employees, where are 4 now. I feel like the winner of Survivor.

Leaked image of an NSA implant 👍😁

Why the fuck does a game need access to my contacts?

Two days ago I had a particularly retarded conversation with my father.

Father: Have you heard of [insert some language that will probably die in half a year]?

Me: Never heard of it.

Father: I talked with a friend yesterday and he said people pay millions for it.

Me: And?

Father: You have to learn it.

Me: *At this point trying not to facepalm* I don't think that's a good idea.

Father: Why?

Me: *begins explaining how the industry changes quickly, underused languages die out or how there simply aren't many materials on them*

My father then started shouting at me, saying that I don't listen to him and that his friend (who does stock trading for living) knows what's trending right now. Couple that with the fact that I was sick in bed when this random event happened, it led to me wanting to, ever so slightly, fucking kill myself.

Friend: I want to start competitive programming. What should I to ?
Me: You should know at least one programming language like C++ or java ...
Friend: No problem, I know HTML ....
Finally Me: Oh God save me..

MissingArgumentException: Girlfriend.

Oldies

I'm surprised this even worked

"How does your live chat work?"

How everyone uses stackoverflow:
1. Work on some project
2. Spot a bug
3. Try to solve the bug and fail.
4. Write a question for SO.
5. Post question on SO.
6. Get the answer and some points.

How I use stackoverflow:
1. Work on some project
2. Find a bug
3. Try to fix the bug and fail
4. Write a question on SO
5. Get scared that I might be downvoted.
6. Spend 45 minutes optimizing the structure of the question.
7. Try additional tests to cover all possible scenarios.
8. Still scared to click post.
9. Scrap everything and restart line by line writing further details of each step in your question.
10. Find the bug myself.
11. Click cancel on the question that took me 3+ hours to write.
12. Cry.

Me: so, ifconfig, what is my gateway?

ifconfig: [ip address]

Me: nmap, what is this IP address?

nmap: it's a network switch with an open telnet port.

Me: what happens if I connect to it?

switch: WHAT IS THE PASSWORD?!?!

Me: is it blank?

switch: correct. what do you want to do?

Me: can I look at all the IP and MAC addresses on the network?

switch: WHAT IS THE ADMIN PASSWORD?!?!

Me: is it... admin?

switch: correct. Here's everyone that's connected to the network: [400+ IPs and MACs]

Me: ok python, would you filter through these and tell me what manufacturer each one belongs to?

python: sure.
[~50 manufacturer lookups later]
python: there's a bunch of apple product, a bunch of miscellaneous laptop and printer manufacturers, and some raspberry pis.

Me: raspberry pis?

python: yep. about 20 of them.

Me: What happens if I connect to one?

rpi: WHAT IS THE PASSWORD?!?!

Me: raspberry?

rpi: correct. what do you want to do?

Me: can I make you do my bidding in the background when you aren't being used?

rpi: sure, sounds fine.

I love ignorant sysadmins.

A guy and a girl are in a Java seminar.

Afterward, the guy approaches the girl and asks, "Hey gurrl, can I get your number?"
Girl says "Sorry, I don't give out my number, it's private."
Guy says, "Oh I'm sorry, I thought we were in the same class!"

When fixing things:
Linux = be root
Windows = reboot

I am in rubber duck heaven

Observed my bf spending at least a half hour browsing devRant in bed, so asked him what he'd do if devRant didn't exist anymore.

His simple reply?

"Cry"

May God help him tomorrow for the scheduled downtime... ;)

So, we got fucking DDoSed today, over 100gbit

I once asked "in web development, what does CSS stand for?" some answered "Counter Strike Source"

>be me
>graduate
>find job with a start-up
>offer me 1% share as signup bonus
>why the hell not
>make 50 dollars/hour
>lowkey they didn't give me any real work
>only had to write some simple ass JS functions for the website
>asked boss to work from home
>he accepted
>tfw i get paid to play games, watch tv shows and write the occasional shitty ass piece of code for 50 dollars/hour
>that's about 1 AAA game/hour

Stay in school. Get your degree, kids.

—_😂_—