*Builds a web component for a client website*

CLIENT: I don't like it, can I have it a tiny bit over to the right more

ME: Taps the arrow key a few times making it look like I'm doing something.(Which actually does nothing)

Client: 👌Perfect

😂😂😂 Wut 😂😂😂

Thought I made something cool with https://github.com/photu-app/...
but it backfired. Stupid ethics and self-righteousness.

Boss: Need the software ready till evening.

Me: Haste makes waste.

Boss: You are going to write waste anyway.

No. Just no.

An entirely typical exchange at work:

PM: How long would it take to build an application that collates Gubblefluffs and exports them as a PDF?

ME: Hard to say. What’s a Gubblefluff?

PM: Nothing complex. Its basically an object with some stuff in.

ME: Erm, okay. So I’ll define a Gubblefluff object plus methods to add edit and delete, then for each Gubblefluff have it write a line to a PDF.

PM: It will need to email that PDF to somebody.

ME: Okay, cool. “Gubblefluffs-by-email” should take about a day.

6 hours later…

ME: I’ve done Gubblefluffs-to-pdf, I’m not clear on what’s in a Gubblefluff but I’ve made it flexible so it can take almost anything.

PM: No, a Gubblefluff can ONLY be one of 4 Snigglefingers plus a timestamp and some JSON.

ME: What? Right. Okay. What’s a Snigglefinger?

PM: (sighs) A Snigglefinger is the collection of relevant Babelsets.

ME: Babelsets?

PM: Yeah, a user can have any number of Babelsets but they must correspond to one of the four types of Snigglefingers.

ME: There are users!?

PM: Of course!

ME: But I’ve not coded anything for users.

PM: Shit. I’ve told the client they can have it today. How long to add in users?

ME: And Babelsets, and Snigglefingers and the new Gubblefluff rules?

PM: Yeah.

6 days later…

ME: This is done now. It’s a beast but it works. Who should it email the PDFs to?

PM: Client X, plus cc to Y and bcc to Z.

ME: What? It doesn't support CC and BCC!

1 hour later…

ME: This is done. I’ve tested it and sent you a copy of the PDF it generates.

PM: Okay thanks. Is the cron running daily?

ME: What cron?

…

ME: Okay, so the cron’s running once a day at 8pm.

PM: Oh, it’ll need to be at 3:15pm. That’s when we’ve told the client they’ll get it.

ME: Right. I’ll change it...

PM: Also, the PDF you sent me looks nothing like the visual.

ME: What visual?
...

The post button should say "Commit"

Linux is only free if your time has no value.
- Jamie Zawinski

This app is basically silicon valley twitter

What color do you want the database?

I dont know origin anymore found it in a old backup :D

"Linux is only free if your time has no value." - Jamie Zawinski

Let's see if this kitty survives the code review and makes it to production.

what I have learnt from programming so far

At home I don't need to lock my computer. I just put the cursor into a vim shell. It's amusing what my kid leaves for me there.

Hate it when people say HTML is a coding language 😡

UI design gone wrong

Just clean installed windows few days ago and my laptop is already mess again. Anyone else with same problem? 😂 I Suck at managing stuffs.

2 unit tests. 0 integration tests.

How programmer wanted clients to do it vs. how clients do it.
Btw got them 1k =]

Friend: "What is devRant?"
Me: "A place where programmers tell jokes and complain."
Friend: "Why dont you just do that irl?"
Me: "Because we never test in production"

Learning jquery after four straight years of vanilla js makes me feel really dirty.

Client: I want all cookies blocked on my computer.

Me: Are you sure? Some things won't work if i do that. Like using online banking.

Client: I don't use it, so it's fine.

*Two weeks pass. I have to come back and see three bankcards laying on the table*

Client: I'm not able to use online banking anymore. Can you fix it?

Come on! You pay me to give advice and help out with problems. The least you could do is listen.

Got to work this morning only to find out devRant is now on the list of blocked social media sites here. Let the job search begin.

What is the best launcher for rooted android 6.1/CyanogenMod 13.1?

We've all been there

My friend said an intern designed this UI for an internal site.

No. Just... no

so folks,
my very first question on stackoverflow got downvoted.
im done with this place. i dont feel good also there... dunno

After 8years+ on stackover flow, I do have my "informed" barge(which I got the day I signed up) and a reputation of 10pts.
I wonder how these guys with countless points got them.

Most used lie you tell to client: -

Client: “Could you make the software do XYZ?”

Programmer: “No.”

What the programmer really wants to say:

“It’s software. Of course we could do it. But:

it would take a very long time,you can’t afford it,we can’t sell it to anyone else because it’s a terrible idea,by the time we finish it, you won’t want it anymore.”

“No” is just easier to say and is less insulting, especially when the client has a dozen of these great ideas.

[stackOverFlow]
When somebody has already posted a question in the form of a long story, and you just scroll down with good feel but the question is still unsolved for 2 years.