Real conversation:

Coworker: I'm trying to classify data based on X

Me: Mhh. Seems like a hard task, we don't have data to figure out X

Coworker: I know! That's why I thought about using machine learning!

Me: (Oh, boy)

Coworker: I'm working on training this ML model that will be able to classify based on X

Me: and what are the inputs for your training?

Coworker: The data classified based on X

Me: And where did you get that from?

Coworker: I don't have it! That will be the output of my ML model!

Me: But you just said that was the input!

Coworker: Yes

Me: Don't you see a contradiction here?

Coworker: Yes, it's a pretty complicated problem, that's why I'm stuck. Can you help me with that?

Me: (Looking at my watch) Sorry I'm late for a meeting. Catch up later, bye!

Our dev team got a new manager. On our first face 2 face meeting:

Manager: So, what technology are we using for web apps?
Me: TypeScript.
Manager: What is TypeScript?
Me: It's a superset of JavaScript.
Manager: Oh I know JavaScript, it's the latest version of Java, right?
Me thinking: He is joking. He tries to be the fun guy. Everyone knows the Java-JavaScript, ham-hamster joke.
Me later, also thinking: No he is not joking. Oh God, this is the end. We are all f*cked!

I think CS education is getting weaker and weaker every year.
Since they released CS GO, CS seems to be overtaken by little cry kiddies who put out insults like an AK on speed.
I wish CS education was like when CS 1.6 came out.
Those were great years to learn gungames on The Simpsons maps and you were actually able to land headshots by skill and not just utter luck.

If my code was a picture :D

"The server is flooded!"

"With requests? DDoS?"

"No."

CSS can kill you!

Today we interviewed a _very_ good Angular1 Dev, by chance we showed him the forked ngRouter module we use, after some debate he explained that we were using it incorrectly.. I asked if he'd used it before to which he responded:

"Yeah, I'm the guy who built it"

😅

Ignorant sales people and PMs who confuse a program's UI with the whole thing and ask you: why it took you so long, you just had to add a save button?

Yeah, asshole, adding a call-to-action style save button only took me 10 minutes, making it save your fucking data reliably took me a whole week.

That moment when you realise that stack overflow can't help you...

Dev rant = a better version of Twitter for developers :D

Finaly they get it

When you have to fix your mom computer over the phone for 2h because you can't access through teamviewer... That rage you feel while you think "ok, breath, she had to teach you how to use a spoon once..."

Not today!

Safari : the new internet explorer! ❤️

Dev rant needs dark background with white text

A good programmer can get more done than 10 bad programmers, but a bad programmer's code can keep 10 good programmers busy for years.
~ Ed Weissman

Once A Programmer Had No Child, No Money, No Home, Blind Mother, so he Prays To God.

God Says He Will Grant Him One Wish!

Programmer : “I Want My Mother To See My Wife Putting Diamond Bangles On My Child’s Hands, In Our New Home”

God: “Damn! I Still Have A Lot To Learn From These Programmers”

The IE version of any website should automatically direct users to a link to download a better web browser

Name a class with your ex girlfriend's name. whenever there is an error it's all her fault

"When you have a problem you can't solve, just google it. If you don't find another person that has encountered the same problem/error as you, you're doing something wrong."

- Software Engineering teacher, 2016

When someone makes a change in a function you wrote and implies that it's your fault that is broken...

Since I was a kid, I always thought that my dream was to be a Computer Engineer.

As a Engineering Student, my dream is to have a 8h+ night sleep.

I really don't get people that use their IDEs with white backgrounds. How do they manage to keep their eyes from frying?!

when the client says 1 week before production that the official web browser is ie8

May I have access to your backend? - that joke never gets old and makes me seem like a big weirdo. Which I'm not. At all.

You are no match!

"Someone studied rich people for years and this is the five habits you should start having"

FFS, if I read this headline one more time...

Why on earth do sign up forms give you the option to opt OUT of email newsletters if they're going to send the bloody emails anyway?

Once a customer called me and said "I asked you www.customercompany.com and not with this shit of http://... at the beggining".

When you go to bed at 3:15am and think "this is fine...this is early enough. I am ok with getting 4 hours of sleep. I am okay with the events that are currently unfolding"