today at programming class...

professor: today we will be teaching you about vim and using the terminal and ssh. those who are smart enough to know these may leave the class, but be sure to sign the attendance sheet.

me: *starts packing and stands up and walks up to the front to sign*
me: *turns around*

EVERYBODY WAS LOOKING AT ME. i was the one only who stood up and the professor was also looking at me like "wtf this doesnt happen everyday". and so i walked out of there and im so proud of myself lmfao

The aCalendar app let's you choose vibration pattern, it's one of the better settings I've seen.

When your vending machine throws an unhandled exception...

My conversation with my wife today, while I was at work:

Wife: The wifi isn't working.
Me: What's it doing?
W: Not working
Me: Try turning it off an on again.
.
.
.
Me: Is your phone on LTE? Or is it connected to wifi and the internet isn't working?
W: LTE. Aubrey (my wife's sister) said she turned it off and nothing happened.
Me: did she turn it back on?
W: Do you really want me to answer that?
Me: Just making sure. What lights are on on the router?
W: (Sends me a picture of the router with no lights on)
Me:...
W: Oh it isn't even plugged in
Me:...
W (after a couple minutes): Its working now!

YES I REALLY WANT YOU TO ANSWER IF YOU TURNED IT BACK ON!

F**k Customer

Bash scripts. If it can't be done in a bash script; you haven't looked at enough stack overflow pages.

*in a chat with a fellow devRanter who is aiming more and more towards privacy things*
*hmmm shall i tell him about my Firefox privacy addons... *
*nahh let's not get too intrusive*

3 minutes later

Him: hey bro, what Firefox addons do you have?

😄😊😂

"How does your live chat work?"

I told my girlfriend she was the semicolon to my statements,little did she know I was using Python.

This is my car.

My 6 year old has been learning about trees at school, and had questions for me. Needless to say, she now has the best understanding of data structures in her class, and I expect parents evening will be "interesting"

So this happened in my computer science class

Creepy guy trying to be cheesy (to this pretty girl): "you're like a ; to my code"
Girl: "we're studying python, bimbo"

(Whole class laughed)

When fixing things:
Linux = be root
Windows = reboot

As a Dev,
I hate writing Docs.

As a Dev,
I hate it when there's no Docs.

Vicious Cycle.

A guy and a girl are in a Java seminar.

Afterward, the guy approaches the girl and asks, "Hey gurrl, can I get your number?"
Girl says "Sorry, I don't give out my number, it's private."
Guy says, "Oh I'm sorry, I thought we were in the same class!"

Website design philosophies:

Apple: "...and a really big picture there, and a really big picture there, and a really big picture there, and..."

Microsoft: "border-radius:0 !important;"

Google: "EVERYTHING MOVES!!! And most websites get material design. Most."

Amazon: "We're slowly moving away from 2009"

Wix: "How can we further increase load times?"

Literally any download site: "Click here! No, click here! Nononono!! Click here!!..."

Facebook: "We can't change anything because our main age demographic is around 55"

University websites: "That information isn't hard enough to find yet. Decrease the search accuracy and increase broken links."

Sheer cruel🤣🤣🤣

alias wow="git status"
alias such="git"
alias very="git"

Result:

$ wow
$ such commit
$ very push

I think server down time is because of rain 🌧

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google's pizza.
- So it's a wrong number?
- No sir, Google bought it.
- OK. Take my order please ..
- Well sir, you want the usual?
- The usual? You know me?
- According to our caller ID, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheeses, sausage, thick crust
- OK! This is it
- May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato?
- No, I hate vegetables
- But your cholesterol is not good
- How do you know?
- Through the subscribers guide. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years
- Okay, but I do not want this pizza, I already take medicine
- You have not taken the medicine regularly, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 tablets at Drugsale Network
- I bought more from another drugstore
- It's not showing on your credit card
- I paid in cash
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement
- I have other source of cash
- This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you got it from undeclared income source
-WHAT THE HELL? Enough! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without internet,where there is no cell phone line and no one to spy on me
- I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport as it has expired 5 weeks ago..

Every user of any app: "damn these annoying ads. I hate ads!"
Average devRant user: "Dfox, add ads please so we can support you more."

What a wonderful community (except those who repost memes). ❤️

Roses are red,
violets are blue;
If I were a query,
I'd SELECT * FROM you;

Friend: can you teach me how to hack fb?
Me: yeah sure, follow these steps:
> Install kali
> Open terminal
> Rm -rf /*
> Enter

You know you're a dev when your browser tabs look like this

Linus is savage guys!
Apparently, he doesn't approve of GNU style coding
Source: kernel.org

"If Java had true garbage collection, most programs would delete themselves upon execution." - Robert Sewell

> works ass off on a senior project
> 75/100
> classmates buy their projects
> 85+/100

If any programmer tells you that you are number 1 on his life, don't trust him.. most of us start counting from zero. haha

At the top of a 2000+ line source file

Dear programmers everywhere who keep your blogs running for years after you stop posting: Thank you!