Last year I built the platform 'Tindex'. It was an index of Tinder profiles so people could search by name, gender and age.

We scraped the Tinder profiles through a Tinder API which was discontinued not long ago, but weird enough it was still intact and one of my friends who was also working on it found out how to get api keys (somewhere in network tab at Tinder Online).

Except name, gender and age we also got 3 distances so we could calculate each users' location, then save the location each 15 minutes and put the coordinates on a map so users of Tindex could easily see the current location of a specific Tinder user.

Fun note: we also got the Spotify data of each Tinder user, so we could actually know on which time and which location a user listened to a specific Spotify track.

Later on we started building it out: A chatbot which connected to Tinder so Tindex users could automatically send a pick up line to their new matches (Was kinda buggy, sometimes it sent 3 pick up lines at ones).

Right when we started building a revenue model we stopped the entire project because a friend of ours had found out that we basically violated almost all terms.

Was a great project, learned a lot from it and actually had me thinking twice or more about online dating platforms.

Below an image of the user overview design I prototyped. The data is mock-data.

this one guy:

10:30
he: "Hey i got this problem, can you come over and fix it, it just takes 5 minutes?"
me: "Hey, I'm in Homeoffice today to focus on our current project. I'll come over tomorrow morning"
he: "alright"

14:30
he: "Can I give you a call? Nothing's working."
14:31
he: Incoming call.. [ignored intentionally, cause right now I'm zoning with a fellow dev, designing the mappings for new elasticsearch index and writing the indexer]
14:32
he: "???"
14:33
he: "ShittySaasTool doesn't work with salesforce anymore!"

14:40
me: "sorry, I've been busy. As I said, today I'm trying to focus on our Projects, please talk to [teamlead], he'll decided on the priorities"

14:41
he: Another Incoming Call.. I take it.. he's trying to convince me to fix his stuff. I tell him to talk to my teamlead again, hoping he'll get rid of him.

14:42
he: "okay, i got the go from your teamlead. Can you fix it now? Here's my number: 12345678"
teamlead: "this guy just came here. He said it takes only 5 Minutes, can you do it quickly?"
me: "usually I'm the one to tell how long stuff takes. nothing takes 5 minutes. also I have to be at his desk for debugging that and you said we should concentrate on this project."

teamlead: "Alright I'll tell him you come over tomorrow morning"

In the end, this guy clicked the fucking disconnect-button, which disconnected his ShittySaasTool-Account from his Salesforce-Account.
Next day i go to his office and reconnnect it. He made some jokes in a bitchy voice about how i was busy in Homeoffice watching Netflix. Half an hour later he clicked the button again.

Why am I still doing this shit?

People index their .env files on search engines LMAO

z-index so high this div will end up on my upstairs neighbor's phone

If any programmer tells you that you are number 1 on his life, don't trust him.. most of us start counting from zero. haha

z-index : 999999;

Did this on my first programming exam.

int index = 0
int value = 0
try {
while true {
value += array[index]
index++
}
} catch NullPointerException {
System.out.print("Sum: " + value)
}

The task was to add together all numbers in an array.

I somehow aced the exam, but got called in to teachers office this is not the way to use exceptions.

I'm really not much of a drinker, but last night I was apparently.

I thought I played video games until I passed out on the couch and was carried to bed.

This morning, my laptop reveals to me that I had an idea for a web app last night because I made a very misspelled, yet highly detailed to do list for the app, a very blank index file, and 37 open tabs of what looks like research for certain web features.

Project seemed to be some sort of organization thing with a lot of really random and unrelated features like "fruit meterr that scales different fruits you earn" (what does that even mean??) and "sassy bill reminder".

I'm closing out all the tabs I had opened, when I see the tab showing the domain name I chose and bought. I even got the SSL certificate and email domain purchased.

Drunk me seemed to have been really excited about this idea 😶

I spent a day teaching my 3 year old nephew to count from 0 and he argued with his teachers the following day that he has 9 fingers. His parents have been called to school 😂

Been there, done that.

WELL FUCK YOU TOO!

Popularity of programming languages according to the DRRDSI (DevRant Rubber Duck Selling Index):

1. JS
2. Java
3. Python
4. C#
5. PHP
6. C++
7. Ruby
8. SQL
9. Swift

z-index: 9;
😕
z-index: 99;
😐
z-index: 999;
😑
z-index: 9999;
😡
z-index: 9999 !important;
😠
z-index: 9999 !IMPORTANTAHFA;
😲

Conversation with my mom the other day:

Mom - How do you use the screenshot button on the keyboard? (She has a Windows work laptop)

Me - Just press it.

Mom - I did that! It didn't do anything.

Me - Lol it's not supposed to do anything. It takes a picture of whatever is on your screen and you have to paste it somewhere like Paint to save the image.

Mom - Ohhh that's too much work. I use Snippit (or whatever the built in Windows screenshot app is called) and send it to myself in an email.
-------------------------
She takes a screenshot, pastes it in an email, and sends it to herself to save it. Hm.

Then she told me tonight that she needed to screenshot these questions in a quiz she was taking. I kid you not - she took a screenshot of 2 questions at a time, pasted them in an email that she sent to herself, and then printed the email. She did this for 40 questions so she printed out 20 emails with screenshots of quiz questions. She also printed out the 200 page manual she needs to study and deleted the pdf. Mom, seriously? What if you need to find something in that 200 page manual? It's so much easier to ctrl + F to find a specific word or phrase. Ohh it doesn't matter she says, there's an index.

Found this hidden meowing duck on the Amazon's index html code

Three beers

I actually hate this job, seems like there's not a single project with decent code abstraction. Everything is a fucking spaghetti like:

```
// we only care about e-mail fields, which are odd
isValid(index) {
if(!(index%2)) {
return true;
}
...
}
```

Like MOTHERFUCKER, WHAT BUSINESS RULE DOES THIS SHITCODE REFLECTS?!?! WHY CAN'T YOU SHITHEADS WRITE PROPER BUSINESS ABSTRACTION RATHER THAN JUST COLLEGE-GRADUATE QUALITY SHITCODE.

FUCKING KILL ME ALREADY I SHOULD HAVE INSTEAD BECAME A PSYCHIC CAUSE I'M SURELY GOOD AT GUESSING WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK THIS FUCKING FUCKCODE INTENDS TO ACHIEVE.

AND YOU CALL YOURSELF TOP-NOTCH DEV CAUSE THIS IS JAVASCRIPT... YOU KNOW WHAT, SHITHEADS LIKE YOU, WHO DON'T KNOW SHIT OTHER THAN GLOBALLING EVERY FUCKING NPM LOCAL PACKAGE IS WHY GOOD ENGINEER LIKE US GET SHIT FROM PHPEPSI ZENDFRAMESHIT FUCKHEADS DEVS.

DO YOU THINK YOUR COMMENT WAS HELPFUL??? DO I LOOK LIKE A BUSINESS GRADUATE FUCKTARD WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THE MODULE OPERATOR IS??? I WANT TO KNOW WHY YOU WROTE THAT SHITFUCK INSTEAD OF WHAT IT DOES; THE REASON I'M READING YOUR POORLY WRITTEN MODULE OPERATOR SOAP-OPERA IN THE FIRST PLACE IS CAUSE I KNOW WHAT IT'S DOING, IT'S BREAKING SHIT.

OH AND ONE MORE THING, FUCK YOU FUCK FUCK FUCKSHIT SHITFUCK FUCk

Hey frontend developers. If you do THIS:

z-index: 1000;

...expecting that it will ensure your div will be on top no matter what, I'm about to fuck your world up. Check this shit out:

z-index: 1001;

Coworker: hey man, do you know what is the limit for z-index on CSS?

Me: not sure but I think it is the signed int limit.

Coworker: the waaat?

Me inside: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!

Tonight I was getting ready to pay my monthly apartment maintenance bill so I Googled my property management company's name because I always forget the url. It's always the first result, but I noticed Google placed a little "This site may be hacked." line of text on their listing.

Seeing that before and knowing what it means, I went into the source for their index page, and to my suspicion, their WordPress installation was hacked with the standard invisible spam links.

I realize this happens to a lot of WordPress blogs, but this is an NYC property management company that is responsible for a lot of buildings and has millions of dollars in contracts. Normally I would inform them, but having dealt with them in the past I don't like them very much, but more importantly, I don't think they'd understand what I was saying because they are so technically inept. They might even think that because I found this, that I had something to do with it.

So devRant, it is up to you. What should I do?

Found this in a API from a big company. NDA prevent me from telling the name.
if(index < 1024 && index > 1024)

My prof suggested me to use matlab instead of Python for my project.

So I started learning and found out that in matlab ARRAYS START FROM 1.

Wtf!

I am going back to python

array[1]

Colleague: I really wish array index in all languages would start from 1. If I ever write a language the index will start from 1.

Me:

z-index: 999999999

Triggered

Pinterest's Save button has a z-index of 8675309. Because why not?

Programmer Level > z-index!

Source: I love programming - FB

Made a list of all my friends in Java.

then I run:
list.get(0);

I get: Index out of bound exception.

What is the problem, send help

At the moment I'm trying to optimize a slow old MySQL query from a project I made several years ago. The execution time is in excess of 55 seconds. Not good :(

After about an hour of experimenting I finally set a good index and reduced the time to < 3 seconds.

Chuffed :)

Corrupt the AI with targeted click baits.

TOP TEN ATTEMPTS BY FLESHBAGS TO OVERTHROW THE CORRECT ORDER OF OPERATIONS. INDEX 6 WILL BE ILLOGICAL TO PROCESS!

I now know another person's password without even wanting to.

He was sitting in the row in front of me, logging into our course page and then *brrrrraaaaapppp* - ran his index finger along the top number row and hit enter.

1234567890

I don't even know what to say.

After working as a developer for 4-5 years I finally took up school again.

The teacher at our first programming course insisted that we named all our variables in our locale language (swedish) and always started arrays at index 1.

Crap! R starts its vectors with index 1!!!!!!!

I had to open the desktop app to write this because I could never write a rant this long on the app.

This will be a well-informed rebuttal to the "arrays start at 1 in Lua" complaint. If you have ever said or thought that, I guarantee you will learn a lot from this rant and probably enjoy it quite a bit as well.

Just a tiny bit of background information on me: I have a very intimate understanding of Lua and its c API. I have used this language for years and love it dearly.

[START RANT]

"arrays start at 1 in Lua" is factually incorrect because Lua does not have arrays. From their documentation, section 11.1 ("Arrays"), "We implement arrays in Lua simply by indexing tables with integers."

From chapter 2 of the Lua docs, we know there are only 8 types of data in Lua: nil, boolean, number, string, userdata, function, thread, and table

The only unfamiliar thing here might be userdata. "A userdatum offers a raw memory area with no predefined operations in Lua" (section 26.1). Essentially, it's for the API to interact with Lua scripts. The point is, this isn't a fancy term for array.

The misinformation comes from the table type. Let's first explore, at a low level, what an array is. An array, in programming, is a collection of data items all in a line in memory (The OS may not actually put them in a line, but they act as if they are). In most syntaxes, you access an array element similar to:

array[index]

Let's look at c, so we have some solid reference. "array" would be the name of the array, but what it really does is keep track of the starting location in memory of the array. Memory in computers acts like a number. In a very basic sense, the first sector of your RAM is memory location (referred to as an address) 0. "array" would be, for example, address 543745. This is where your data starts. Arrays can only be made up of one type, this is so that each element in that array is EXACTLY the same size. So, this is how indexing an array works. If you know where your array starts, and you know how large each element is, you can find the 6th element by starting at the start of they array and adding 6 times the size of the data in that array.

Tables are incredibly different. The elements of a table are NOT in a line in memory; they're all over the place depending on when you created them (and a lot of other things). Therefore, an array-style index is useless, because you cannot apply the above formula. In the case of a table, you need to perform a lookup: search through all of the elements in the table to find the right one. In Lua, you can do:

a = {1, 5, 9};
a["hello_world"] = "whatever";

a is a table with the length of 4 (the 4th element is "hello_world" with value "whatever"), but a[4] is nil because even though there are 4 items in the table, it looks for something "named" 4, not the 4th element of the table.

This is the difference between indexing and lookups. But you may say,

"Algo! If I do this:

a = {"first", "second", "third"};
print(a[1]);

...then "first" appears in my console!"

Yes, that's correct, in terms of computer science. Lua, because it is a nice language, makes keys in tables optional by automatically giving them an integer value key. This starts at 1. Why? Lets look at that formula for arrays again:

Given array "arr", size of data type "sz", and index "i", find the desired element ("el"):

el = arr + (sz * i)

This NEEDS to start at 0 and not 1 because otherwise, "sz" would always be added to the start address of the array and the first element would ALWAYS be skipped. But in tables, this is not the case, because tables do not have a defined data type size, and this formula is never used. This is why actual arrays are incredibly performant no matter the size, and the larger a table gets, the slower it is.

That felt good to get off my chest. Yes, Lua could start the auto-key at 0, but that might confuse people into thinking tables are arrays... well, I guess there's no avoiding that either way.

I bet everyone here knows these two situations:

1. You have a bug, show the code to somebody else for debugging and the bug is gone, but as soon as you're alone again, it reappears.
2. Your program works fine, you want to show somebody what you accomplished and...
IndexOutOfBoundsException: The index was outside the bounds of the array.

IntelliJ users will understand the pain 😂

Coworker: I give up! Please help me!

Me: What's up?

C: Take a look at this. I have this function here that gets the tab index and I'm passing it to the Tabs component over there. I'm logging the index and as you can see it's 3, but the Tabs component isn't working. However if I replace the function call with a 3 it works!

Coworker 2: While you were explaining all that, shellbug already thought about at least 3 reasons why that isn't working.

Me: **sighs** Of what type is the value that function is returning?

C: **stares at me for a few seconds** It's a number.

Me: Are you sure?

C: Well, it's returning 3.

Me: Please do a typeof.

It was string.

Source Control : FTP

index.php
index-16-05-2016.php
index.old.php
index.fix.php

Me reviewing some high school level exams after an Excel course.

"hmmm the next question is 'what does the symbol $ mean when found inside a FORMULA in Excel' ... Let's see what they answered..."

* "it's the symbol for DOLLARS" <-- well, he tried
* "I don't know" <-- mmh ok, he doesn't know
* "it can be either a plus or a minus" <-- mmmh maybe the interpreter will just figure out the correct one
* "it's used to keep an index fixed when you copy/drag the formula" <-- nice, someone who actually followed the lesson or at least knows how to google things when the teacher doesn't see
* "it's the symbol for POUNDS" <-- WTF!! Wait a moment: POUNDS???? Have you ever lived a single moment in this world?

Getting the nth character of a string.

Every other language:

string[n]

Swift:

string[index(string.startIndex, offsetBy: n)]

I cut my index finger cooking, now my typing is crippled.

Plz end my suffering.

I wanted to print the second and third page of some document, so in the relevant field of the printer dialog I enter "1, 2" and I walk off to the printer.

My first thought when I saw the printer had printed the wrong pages was
"F*ing buggy software"
Second thought:
"Oh... right"
Third thought:
"Right, in the real world, one-based indices are the rule rather than the exception. "
Fourth thought:
"Dumb real world"

Got a call while on vacations, the main server is down.
*holy shit* I thought.
As I opened my MacBook, the phone kept ringing and slack was going crazy.

“What should I do? Where is the problem?”, the voices in my head said..

I opened the terminal and tried to get a ssh connection.
Sweat was dropping down from my forehead.

“Connected” the terminal said.

“Fuck yeah, the server is up, only the app is not responding”, I thought and opened the log files.

Suddenly, “STOP” I shout at the log files that were appended way too fast.

Then I saw it.
TimeOutExceptions..

I added an index to the modification date column,“ kill -9“ed the process, started again and went back to vacation mode 🙂

And of course I was the office hero for a while💪

For the smart asses, I’m aware that it’s a bad idea to -9 the app process in prod, but it was so overloaded that i was not able to kill it any other way. And we needed that server up again.

Allright, I'm pissed.

Warning: more than 4k characters written by a non native english speaker ahead.

Legend:
Storytelling
> Short summary of the current situation
> "Something being said"
> (Something being thought)
* Actions *

-- Background --
In an attempt to reorganize my desktop I accidentally deleted a folder I called "development". In there I stored links to all my IDEs (Not sure how you call these in english), but also some workspaces like unity (Not much stuff there, processing (just some hobby stuff) AND Eclipse (FUCKING EVERYTHING RELATED TO SCHOOL WEB DEVELOPMENT). Now 3 days have passed and I realized this important folder was missing. Cleared that windows trash the instant I deleted the trash on my desktop.

> Shit, Regret

Install a file restore programm. Do every possible search. Nothing found.

> Big shit

Deadline was in like 3 days. Week was fucking rough so:
> "Screw this, the teacher nevet corrects the assignments and also fuck JSP"

Fast forward 2 months to last week. Teacher starts checking assignments.

> Fuck

* Sees pattern: Only students with missing or bad marks are checked. *

* Feels save *

Teacher approaching me while working on current projects.
* Doesn't feel save anymore *
> "Well, I'ld like to see your THAT programm"
> Well fuck
* Tells the truth *
> "Well that's unfortunate, but I must write a mark. Do you really have nothing to show?"
* Remember that I worked on the school pcs when I started *
> (Better than nothing. Gotta try it)
* Teacher checks programm, not pleased *

> (Fuck me, but at least it's over...)

> Nope

* Teacher calls me over *
> "With the mark I had to write today you can't reach that good mark even with a good examination, what are we gonna do about this?"

> "Well, there were other assignments that were never checked. Could we replace that mark with one of those?"

* Teacher agrees *
> (Srly bless this guy for that support)

My best choice was an Android app we had to develop during December in pairs. I did the front end (90% of the whole work) and my partner the backend (10 %). I also did 30 % of these 10 %, because I had to review the shit he wasn't able to debug himself.

> brainlogic.exe provided by windows vista

This distribution was partly my fault since I overestimated the work needed for the backend, but also the fault of that fucker. I mean, he didn't tell me the professor already provided 90 % of the backend...

Rest of the week was really busy (always 1 or 2 things to study for each day, workout and family stuff).

Yesterday (It's past 12 already) I arrived at ~9 pm in the dorm I could finally start reviewing my code.
Internet gets shut down at 10 pm.
Gotta hurry.

* Opens project *
* Sees half a year old code *
* Fights urge to puke *
> (Alright I gotta do this. For the mark!)
* waits for gradle to index files *
* Remembers the fact that I haven't opened Android Studio in the last 2 months *

For those who don't develop with android studio: This is an equivalent to ~10k windows updates waiting to be installed

> (Well, gotta work with this kinda old version)

"gradle sync failed"
> ( Ok, just restart it. You're fine )
* Android Studio doesn't react anymore and/or renders *
* Waits 5 min *
* Restarts laptop *
* Android Studio is reacting again*
"gradle is synching"
9:45 pm: gradle is done and I can finally compile my app

> FML

* Sees App launched on phone *
* Almost pukes again *

> (This was the assigment for the UX chapter, so design doesn't matter)

UX is decent. Proceeds with testing stuff. Save paths work, but some bugs can be caused by going of it

* fixes as much as possible *

* Takes quick look at backend *

Date date = new Date (GregorianCalender.getInstance().getTimeInMillis());

C'mon, I asked you to be the backend. You got 90% of the methods already written by the teacher and had 2 months to write the interfaces to my Front end AND you come up with shits like that.

Note: this example is a minor example of brainlogic.exe

I did what I could to make improve my situation. Hopefully he doesn't discover the bugs. And If it's a backend bug then I could't care less, since that was not my job!

Wish me luck for today!

A few weeks ago a client called me. His application contains a lot of data, including email addresses (local part and domain stored separately in SQL database). The application can filter data based on the domain part of the addresses. He ask me why sub.example.com is not included when he asked the application for example.com. I said: No problem, I can add this feature to the application, but the process will take a longer.

Client: No problem, please add this ASAP.

So, the next day I changed some of the SQL queries to lookup using the LIKE operator.

After a week the client called again: The process is really slow, how can this be?

Me: Well, you asked me to filter the subdomains as well. Before, the application could easily find all the domains (SQL index), but now it has to compare all the domains to check if it ends with the domain you are looking for.

Client: Okay, but why is it a lot slower than before?

Me: Do you have a dictionary in your office?

<Client search for a dictionary, came back with one>

Me: give me the definition of the word "time"

<Client gives definition of time>

Me: Give me the definition of all words ending with "time"

Client: But, ...

Never heard from him again on this issues :-P

So we hired an intern and his first task was to change a few things in email layout for our client, which is an investment bank.

I told to one of my developers to make his local database dump and setup the project for an intern. When intern completed the task, my developer thought that title "Dow Jones index crashed" was pretty funny title for a test.

What he didn't thought through enough, is that he forgot to configure fake SMTP server and he had production database dump with real email addresses.

I had really awkward 20 minutes conversation with our client. Fuck my life.

I'm been hacking together software for the last year or so now and I've never considered myself to be a good programmer.

Today however I had to implement an A* search from scratch and with only the knowledge of how the algorithm should function I put together some code that looked correct.

I went to run my code expecting one of the typical "Index out of bound", "null reference", "something has not be initialised" BUT I was shocked to find that the code worked flawlessly.

I went into a weird state of shock and disbelief. I'm not naturally gifted at this stuff, so it was just really hard for me to accept that I might actually be getting better to the point where I might be able to say "I am a programmer"

Does anyone else get bad imposter syndrome?

Le Me: well it is the time to go back on that Android project and resume the work.

*Open Android Studio, open the project.
*Wait 10 minutes for build/index
*error: gradle outdated, that is ok, update it.
*error: some library needs update
*error: R not found
*error: internal IDE error.

*Clean Project: PC hangs, Fan go so fast..

Shit ! I even not touched the code !

True, unless you're a Lua programmer 😁

When you have to spend two days inventing math formulas for work because google won't tell you how to sort every possible combination of an array of arrays into a zero based number list, or how to get a combination from just it's index.

FUCK! agshdklgdahgisdahl;k!

I just spent 45 FUCKING MINUTES debugging try to figure out WHY THE HELL a function that is supposed to return either a pointer to a valid object OR ZERO if a valid object is not found, was RETURNING FUCKING EIGHT!

Then I saw it... I typed:
nodeList[index];
instead of:
return nodeList[index];

It took me looking at a stack trace and a disassembly of the function to realize this.

Can't wait for this three-day weekend...

Simple riddle.

1000 people are standing in a row and numbered according to index.

All the odd ones are eliminated and re-numbered according to index.

The process is repeated until there is only one remaining.

What was the original number of the last remaining person?

Released my first desktop application to the users (developers). Good luck to me. The CTO and the other developers I work with are so nice. Before it was released, something wasn't working. I was so nervous and we thought it was a big thing that requires a few hours to fix. Instead of yelling at me, they simply gave me a few hours to fix it.

It turns out I just forgot to replace an index name where it's fetching the data and correcting it took a few seconds. I told the CTO and the developers immediately and apologized for missing it out. They all just responded "hey, no problem" and was happy it was working.

Seems like a simple conversation but god, that "no problem" response mean a lot to me. I haven't heard it for a very long time. I'm used to minor shit exploding to my face. It makes me wanna wank while crying tears of joy.

I wish people that made desktop apps would consider cpu and ram usage. "Oh I've just opened... ...let me index your vendor folder and check that I need to update at the same time whilst you only have 20% cpu left and 2GB of RAM remanding :D" no; fuck off. Why don't you wait until there's enough CPU power left to check for your update?

I did a job interview recently for a company and the test was something like this.

In ruby, write a web server that will serve a specific line number from a text file.

I thought up a simple solution and a more advanced solution, but I opted to go with the simple solution and submit my work quickly. I made a nice web server with tests and everything and it used the sed command to get the line number from the file.

Now, they had various instructions, like it had to perform. They asked how it'd perform with 10G, 100G files. I thought "Eh... it'll be alright."

The solution they were looking for was the "advanced" solution that I thought up, which involved storing a binary file of 32/64 bit integers that reference the byte-offset of the line they're looking for. Basically a binary index file.

This violates all of my sensibilities, because I would never build a database indexer like this using ruby, of all things.

I thought it was a stupid test, and how do these companies honestly expect me to spend hours coding and then tell me I didn't go far enough? It's unethical.

I actually followed-up with the "advanced" solution a couple hours after hearing I was out, just to show them that their process is flawed.

The index to Sedgewick's Algorithms book says:

recursion, 35
see also base case,
see also recursion

What is the optimum value for z-index in css?

z-index: 999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999;

Oh My God!

I just spent 2 hours trying to fix an issue. Just came to know that I was using the wrong index number from the array.

* KILL ME *

My new years dev resolutions are:
-Learn more c#
-Change jobs
-Read less reddit while on the clock
-Remember that the index on enums start at 0

THE WORST PRANK ATTEMPT

If i remember true, it was 2012. april fool day..

me and my co-worker (we were the founders) decided to fool our members (we had a script's unofficial support forum). so, we did the plan. we register another account on march and wrote a few useful messages with it. help guys with that fake account (named as Root).

on fool day, we move the site to hidden folder (but didnt backup it) and added an index file as "hi, i am Root. you know me who am i. i hacked this site and deleted all dbs. cya later" (in turkish of course)

and we sit our chairs, began the watch our messages from facebook,skype,whatsapp etc..

we act like we are in trouble and we cant solve the problem.
at the same time, one of the our crew, decided to help us :D
so, he contact with our server's management crew. they dont know the fool too :)

server management looked up the situation without try to contact with me or my co. and we got an email from server like that
"hello tilkibey and impack, we just realized your site is hacked. so we delete your all ftp and db for safety. please contact with us asap"

we shocked and contact with them, explain the truths and request the recover our site (because we though they backup site before deleting all things). but they didnt backup it :(

so, we recover our last backup which is got nearly 10 days ago :(

If (index == 3) {
return true;
}
else {
return true;
}

Apparently the number 3 is magical or aomething.

My co-workers hate it when I ask this question on a technical interview, but my common one is "what is the difference between a varchar(max) and varchar(8000) when they are both storing 8000 characters"

Answer, you cannot index a varchar(max). A varchar(max) and varchar(8000) both store the data in the table but a max will go to blob storage if it is greater than 8000.

No one ever knows the answer but I like to ask it to see how people think. Then I tell them that no one ever gets that right and it isn't a big deal that they don't know it, as I give them the answer.

Let me ask you something: why do most people prefer ms word over a simple plain text document when writing a manual. Use Markdown!

You can search and index it (grep, ack, etc)
You don't waste time formatting it.
It's portable over OS.
You only need a simple text editor.
You can export it to other formats, like PDF to print it!
You can use a version control system to version it.

Please! stop using those other formats. Make everyone's life easier.

Same applies when sharing tables. Simple CSV files are enough most of the time.

Thank you!!?!

She : You spend your whole day with your stupid computer ! That dumb machine is more important to you than me. We are done 😡

Me : Babe, I swear to God, you'll always be number one on my priority list.

She : Aww.. love you so much 😚

Me in mind : This must be the reason behind foundation of 0 index for Devs.

In my first summer at my internship I was fixing up a PHP script that a previous developer wrote... It collected our customer's emails and sent them to MailChimp for marketing.

The SQL query to get the emails was pretty standard, but what he did next was not.

There were for loops nested 3 deep. The outer loop's counter was i. The inner was ii. And the deepest was iii. That alone made it hard to read, but for a couple years some iii's and ii's were mixed up when getting values for arrays. So it was even harder to tell what it was supposed to do.

The inner loop also started at i-20. This was so he could look through and see if an email was already included from that query and skip it. But he didn't check the bounds, so the first 20 times through the outer loop, the inner loop would throw `undefined index -20` errors.

In order to fix all this I did an order by on the query, and kept a last email variable that I used for comparison. Pretty basic. This also lowered it to just one loop.

I talk about it on a regular basis with my coworkers and we all laugh about it. I also bring it up when upper management thinks they can code, because that ex developer is now an executive.

"THIS PAGE IS UNDER CONSTRUCTION."
- local webdesigner in my neighbor city - for over a year now. They must be slower than me or plan a page that is complexer than the apple site.

Do I actually need this shit? I mean: really. Why?
If you relaunch, just leave your old one up. If you buy an domain and have nothing on it (and no google index) - who even bothers seeing this shit?

Correct me if I'm wrong.

The GashlyCode Tinies

A is for Amy whose malloc was one byte short
B is for Basil who used a quadratic sort
C is for Chuck who checked floats for equality
D is for Desmond who double-freed memory
E is for Ed whose exceptions weren’t handled
F is for Franny whose stack pointers dangled
G is for Glenda whose reads and writes raced
H is for Hans who forgot the base case
I is for Ivan who did not initialize
J is for Jenny who did not know Least Surprise
K is for Kate whose inheritance depth might shock
L is for Larry who never released a lock
M is for Meg who used negatives as unsigned
N is for Ned with behavior left undefined
O is for Olive whose index was off by one
P is for Pat who ignored buffer overrun
Q is for Quentin whose numbers had overflows
R is for Rhoda whose code made the rep exposed
S is for Sam who skipped retesting after wait()
T is for Tom who lacked TCP_NODELAY
U is for Una whose functions were most verbose
V is for Vic who subtracted when floats were close
W is for Winnie who aliased arguments
X is for Xerxes who thought type casts made good sense
Y is for Yorick whose interface was too wide
Z is for Zack in whose code nulls were often spied

- Andrew Myers

TLDR - you shouldn't expect common sense from idiots who have access to databases.

I joined a startup recently. I know startups are not known for their stable architecture, but this was next level stuff.
There is one prod mongodb server.
The db has 300 collections.
200 of those 300 collections are backups/test collections.
25 collections are used to store LOGS!! They decided to store millions of logs in a nosql db because setting up a mysql server requires effort, why do that when you've already set up mongodb. Lol 😂
Each field is indexed separately in the log.
1 collection is of 2 tb and has more than 1 billion records.
Out of the 1 billion records, 1 million records are required, the rest are obsolete. Each field has an index. Apparently the asshole DBA never knew there's something called capped collection or partial indexes.

Trying to get approval to clean up the db since 3 months, but fucking bureaucracy. Extremely high server costs plus every week the db goes down since some idiot runs a query on this mammoth collection. There's one single set of credentials for everything. Everyone from applications to interns use the same creds.
And the asshole DBA left, making me in charge of handling this shit now. I am trying to fix this but am stuck to get approval from business management. Devs like these make me feel sad that they have zero respect for their work and inability to listen to people trying to improve the system.

Going to leave this place really soon. No point in working somewhere where you are expected to show up for 8 hours, irrespective of whether you even switch on your laptop.
Wish me luck folks.

If nobody hates you, you're doing something wrong ~ House MD

Tl;Dr : I'm pissing the right people off and my God I like it

That's what I've known and have confirmed doing my current side project with my gf, we are working on a ratemyprofessors clone with extra spicy features, one in particular is so spicy some teachers will be put in a position in which they would rather grind hot peppers with their butt cheeks.

Don't get me wrong, there are good teachers (some of which actually showed support) but some are not good teachers and some aren't good people either; I've decided it's time to stop complaining and take action.

We recently released an alpha and I presented it to a teacher I had this semester (one of the "not so great" kind) as a DB proyect cuz fuck it I'm not doing 2 projects.

This teacher is your run of the mill "I'm lazy and I don't care" teacher and she ran the classroom like a shitty kindergarten, so much so, one of the teams was presenting a buggy admin site as their project and she started talking on the phone! Right up on their faces!!

My turn, I go up and handle her a 30 page printed thesis of my project and said that unlike my mates, I was going to start presenting the idea and then the actual software...why is it printed?, She said; Because I won't be projecting the PDF ma'am, I actually made a professional presentation and that way you can read more technical details while I give a broad overview...

I started talking about the huge issues students face and my research about it, undisciplined teachers, no class structure ~ abrupt interruption ~ "yeah I know like, you are giving so much statistics and numbahs but where is the database?"

I got pissed off because the whole purpose of printing and giving her the docs was for her to ask specific questions AT THE END! So I told her I was getting there and to ask questions at the end...I start showing off the system's sweetest features... everyone got quiet...a girl on the front row kept looking at the teacher and then back to the board with her eyes wide open, the teacher was visibly upset.

I asked someone to please help me by using the site being projected for everyone to see, he searched the teacher's name and it obviously popped up cuz I scrapped the whole teacher index site... some people gasp and others start murmuring.

She freaked and started arguing saying that frontend can't be just HTML and CSS, where did you mentioned x and y feature? admit it's just teacher evaluations! where did you get the teacher names? I want the scripts!....it went on even 10 minutes after class and the next class with a police like interrogation.

So yeah, something tells me I'm not getting an A, but I'm happy after all because that's the kind of reaction I want from those types of professors.

Worth it 😎

Instead of making business cards, I bought small index cards. The first time ‘round, I carefully taped four or five together with chalkboard tape and then wrote on them with gold pen. Now I’m just using the index cards and black pen since the reaction to that in person’s been positive. What do you guys think? Are people just humoring me in person?

My boss still thinks that resizing his browser is equivalent to mobile testing, and his designs are desktop only and says "just have everything stack on top of each other"

below is how I feel.

* {
position: absolute;
Z-index: 1;
Top: 0;
Left:0;
}

ML Developer: "Can you create a separate config file including the index for the UI?"
Me: "Okay, can you send me a sample file for the format?"
ML Developer: "Hmm.. Okay."

My Brain:
Fetching IDs from ElasticSearch..
Fetching IDs from XML..
Which one to use?

Demon #1: "They need the index."

My Brain:
Still thinking..
Which one to use?
Which fields to include? Index, document type, ID, etc.

Demon #2: "The index, not the IDs!"

My Brain:
Processing..
So I will fetch the existing records, write their IDs to a file, and append the newly created records? That sounds.. weird.

All demons: THEY JUST NEED THE FUCKING INDEX, YOU OVERFLOWING TOILET BOWL FECES!

My Brain: Ooohh..

Config file:
index=index_name

Another reason to stop attempting to cut down from two mugs of coffee to one mug.

Ah, my first issue!

But... But what if my kids will not know if a index starts at 0 or at 1...

Did a bunch more cowboy coding today as I call it (coding in vi on production). Gather 'round kiddies, uncle Logan's got a story fer ya…

First things first, disclaimer: I'm no sysadmin. I respect sysadmins and the work they do, but I'm the first to admit my strengths definitely lie more in writing programs rather than running servers.

Anyhow, I recently inherited someone else's codebase (the story of my profession career, but I digress) and let me tell you this thing has amateur hour written all over it. It's written in PHP and JavaScript by a self-taught programmer who apparently discovered procedural programming and decided there was nothing left to learn and stopped there (no disrespect to self-taught programmers).

I could rant for days about the various problems this codebase has, but today I have a very specific story to tell. A story about errors and logs.

And it all started when I noticed the disk space on our server was gradually decreasing.

So today I logged onto our API server (Ubuntu running Apache/PHP) and did a df -h to check the disk space, and was surprised to see that it had noticeably decreased since the last time I'd checked when everything was running smoothly. But seeing as this server does not store any persistent customer data (we have a separate db server) and purely hosts the stateless API, it should NOT be consuming disk space over time at all.

The only thing I could think of was the logs, but the logs were very quiet, just the odd benign message that was fully expected. Just to be sure I did an ls -Sh to check the size of the logs, and while some of them were a little big, nothing over a few megs. Nothing to account for gigabytes of disk space gradually disappearing.

What could it be? I wondered.

cd ../..
du . | sort --sort=numeric

What's this? 2671132 K in some log folder buried in the api source code? I cd into it and it turns out there are separate PHP log files in there, split up by customer, so that each customer of ours (we have 120) has their own respective error log! (Why??)

Armed with this newfound piece of (still rather unbelievable) evidence I perform a mad scramble to search the codebase for where this extra logging is happening and sure enough I find a custom PHP error handler that is capturing (most) errors and redirecting them to these individualized log files.

Conveniently enough, not ALL errors were being absorbed though, so I still knew the main error_log was working (and any time I explicitly error_logged it would go there, so I was none the wiser that this other error-catching was even happening).

Needless to say I removed the code as quickly as I found it, tail -f'd the error_log and to my dismay it was being absolutely flooded with syntax errors, runtime PHP exceptions, warnings galore, and all sorts of other things.

My jaw almost hit the floor. I've been with this company for 6 months and had no idea these errors were even happening!

The sad thing was how easy to fix all the errors ended up being. Most of them were "undefined index" errors that could have been completely avoided with a simple isset() check, but instead ended up throwing an exception, nullifying any code that came after it.

Anyway kids, the moral of the story is don't split up your log files. It makes absolutely no sense and can end up obscuring easily fixable bugs for half a year or more!

Happy coding.

doNotMessWithITTeamInAFuckingProject();

Last night me with my team have a discussion with my project team. Currently we have a project for our insurance client building a Learning Management System. The project condition already messed up since the first day i join a meeting. Because since its a consortium project with multiple company involved, one of company had a bad experience with another company. It happened few years back when both of company were somehow break up badly because miss communication (i heard this from one of my team).

Skip..skip... And then day to day like another stereotype IT projects when client and business analyst doing requirements gathering, the specs seems unclear and keep changing day by day even when I type this rant I'm sure it will change again.

Then something happened last night when my team leader force our business analyst to re index the use case number (imho) this is no need to be done, and i know the field conditions its so tough for all team members.

So many problems occured, actually this is a boring problem like lack of dev resource, lack of project management and all other stereotype IT projects had. Its sucks why this things is happening again.

Finally my fellow business analyst type a quite long message in our group and said that he maybe quit because its too tired and he felt that the leader only know about push push pushhhhhy fcking pussy, he never go to the client site and look what we've done and what we struggle so far.

I just don't know why, i know this guy earlier was an IT geek also, but when he leading a team he act like he never done IT project before, just know about pushing people without knowing what the context and sound to me like just rage push!

Damnit, i maybe quit also, you know we IT guy never affraid to quit anytime from the messed up condition like this. Even though we were at the bottom level in a project, but we hold the most main key for development.

Hope he (my leader) read this rant. And can realize what happened and fix this broken situation. I don't know what to say again, im in steady mode to quit anytime if something chaos happen nearly in the future.

doNotMessWithITTeamInAFuckingProject();

You know you're in the wronk place, when the prod sql table have 473 columns, 0 index, 0 keys and the frontend is made in ms access. And the only possible way to connect to the (virtualized server) database is through citrix...

z-index: 9999999 !important;

When defining a range, let's say from 1 to 3, I expect:

[1, 2, 3]

Yet most range functions I come across, e.g. lodash, will do:

_.range(1, 3)
=> [1, 2]

And their definition will say: "Creates an array of numbers ... progressing from start up to, but not including, end."

Yet why the fuck not including end? What don't I understand about the concept of a frigging range that you won't include the end?

The only thing I can come up with that's this is related to the array's-indexes-start with-0-thing and someone did not want to substract `-1` when preparing a for loop over an 10 items array with range(0,10), even though they do not want a range of 0 to 10, they want a range from 0 to 9. (And they should not use a for loop here to begin with but a foreach construct anyway.)

So the length of your array does not match the final index of your array.

Bohhoo.

Yet now we can have ranges with very weird steps, and now you always have to consider your proper maximum, leading to code like:

var start = 10;
var max = 50;
var step = 10;

_.range(start, max + step, step)
=> [10, 20, 30, 40, 50]

and during code review this would scream "bug!" in my face.

And it's not only lodash doing that, but also python and dart.

Except php. Php's range is inclusive. Good job php.

I've fucking had it with youtube, fucking jizz slapping knob butlers. I'm going to setup a mirror on my server, the idea is:

- Setup a youtube-dl cron that fetches multiple times a day both audio and video versions of the music playlist I have, hopefully with some sort of progress tracking of each download and total, so I could check if it has run successfully and have a nice dashboard, might need to do that myself (except if compactd proves itself to manage that all)

- Need to figure out a way to download the "best" quality but not go beyond 1080p, since if some videos for some reason are uploaded @ 4k, that'll be a waste of space

- Have Compactd/Funkwhale/Koel as the music player frontend for the audio version of the files, preferably one of them should offer download of the files too, so I could have a similar setup to spotify, though I could probably also just have some filebrowser installed or have a password protected index.

- Not sure what to use for the video versions, since sometimes the video goes with the music; plex? emby? suggestions are welcome

- Saw somebody (ab)using google drive as their backup for all the music they download, so I want to setup something similar, rsyncing all videos and music to some account, so in case shit majorly hits the fan, I can just download everything back

String.substr()'s second fucking argument is a length not an index.

FUCKING WASTED 10 MINUTES ADJUSTING PERFECTLY GOOD FUCKING LOGIC BECAUSE JS IS A BITCH!!!

Thank fuck the fix was just to use string.substring() instead or I would've killed myself

I'm not the only one, right ?

I knew someone that typed with only 2 fingers ( index fingers )

There were no comments in the code because, it would take ages to write a sentence.

I don't know how someone that was born with a laptop in her lap doesn't know how to use all the fingers to type.

But, for her this was just a job. No personal projects, no will to learn new things. Just do the work they give her, as slowly as possible.

I remember I forced myself to learn how to type using all fingers when I was little. Now I even rebind the movement keys on games because is more comfortable to use "the right keys" ( I hate wasd, esdf ftw!)

How about you, do you know anyone that-s bad at typing?

Every language ever:
"You can't compare objects of type A and B"

Swift, on the other hand:
"main.swift:365:34: note: overloads for '==' exist with these partially matching parameter lists: (Any.Type?, Any.Type?), ((), ()), (Bool, B ool), (Character, Character), (Character.UnicodeScalarView.Index, Character.UnicodeScalarView.Index), (CodingUserInfoKey, CodingUserInfoKey ), (OpaquePointer, OpaquePointer), (AnyHashable, AnyHashable), (UInt8, UInt8), (Int8, Int8), (UInt16, UInt16), (Int16, Int16), (UInt32, UIn t32), (Int32, Int32), (UInt64, UInt64), (Int64, Int64), (UInt, UInt), (Int, Int), (AnyKeyPath, AnyKeyPath), (Unicode.Scalar, Unicode.Scalar ), (ObjectIdentifier, ObjectIdentifier), (String, String), (String.Index, String.Index), (UnsafeMutableRawPointer, UnsafeMutableRawPointer) , (UnsafeRawPointer, UnsafeRawPointer), (UnicodeDecodingResult, UnicodeDecodingResult), (_SwiftNSOperatingSystemVersion, _SwiftNSOperatingS ystemVersion), (AnyIndex, AnyIndex), (AffineTransform, AffineTransform), (Calendar, Calendar), (CharacterSet, CharacterSet), (Data, Data), (Date, Date), (DateComponents, DateComponents), (DateInterval, DateInterval), (Decimal, Decimal), (IndexPath, IndexPath), (IndexSet.Index, IndexSet.Index), (IndexSet.RangeView, IndexSet.RangeView), (IndexSet, IndexSet), (Locale, Locale), (Notification, Notification), (NSRange,

NSRange), (String.Encoding, String.Encoding), (PersonNameComponents, PersonNameComponents), (TimeZone, TimeZone), (URL, URL), (URLComponent s, URLComponents), (URLQueryItem, URLQueryItem), (URLRequest, URLRequest), (UUID, UUID), (DarwinBoolean, DarwinBoolean), (DispatchQoS, Disp atchQoS), (DispatchTime, DispatchTime), (DispatchWallTime, DispatchWallTime), (DispatchTimeInterval, DispatchTimeInterval), (Selector, Sele ctor), (NSObject, NSObject), (CGAffineTransform, CGAffineTransform), (CGPoint, CGPoint), (CGSize, CGSize), (CGVector, CGVector), (CGRect, C GRect), ((A, B), (A, B)), ((A, B, C), (A, B, C)), ((A, B, C, D), (A, B, C, D)), ((A, B, C, D, E), (A, B, C, D, E)), ((A, B, C, D, E, F), (A , B, C, D, E, F)), (ContiguousArray<Element>, ContiguousArray<Element>), (ArraySlice<Element>, ArraySlice<Element>), (Array<Element>, Array <Element>), (AutoreleasingUnsafeMutablePointer<Pointee>, AutoreleasingUnsafeMutablePointer<Pointee>), (ClosedRangeIndex<Bound>, ClosedRange Index<Bound>), (LazyDropWhileIndex<Base>, LazyDropWhileIndex<Base>), (EmptyCollection<Element>, EmptyCollection<Element>), (FlattenCollecti onIndex<BaseElements>, FlattenCollectionIndex<BaseElements>), (FlattenBidirectionalCollectionIndex<BaseElements>, FlattenBidirectionalColle ctionIndex<BaseElements>), (Set<Element>, Set<Element>), (Dictionary<Key, Value>.Keys, Dictionary<Key, Value>.Keys), ([Key : Value], [Key : Value]), (Set<Element>.Index, Set<Element>.Index), (Dictionary<Key, Value>.Index, Dictionary<Key, Value>.Index), (ManagedBufferPointer<Hea der, Element>, ManagedBufferPointer<Header, Element>), (Wrapped?, Wrapped?), (Wrapped?, _OptionalNilComparisonType), (_OptionalNilCompariso nType, Wrapped?), (LazyPrefixWhileIndex<Base>, LazyPrefixWhileIndex<Base>), (Range<Bound>, Range<Bound>), (CountableRange<Bound>, Countable Range<Bound>), (ClosedRange<Bound>, ClosedRange<Bound>), (CountableClosedRange<Bound>, CountableClosedRange<Bound>), (ReversedIndex<Base>, ReversedIndex<Base>), (_UIntBuffer<Storage, Element>.Index, _UIntBuffer<Storage, Element>.Index), (UnsafeMutablePointer<Pointee>, UnsafeMut ablePointer<Pointee>), (UnsafePointer<Pointee>, UnsafePointer<Pointee>), (_ValidUTF8Buffer<Storage>.Index, _ValidUTF8Buffer<Storage>.Index) , (Self, Other), (Self, R), (Measurement<LeftHandSideType>, Measurement<RightHandSideType>)"

You do know that "why do I need you if I can copy-paste code from SO?" joke floating around, right? Today I had a real-life situation perfectly illustrating it.

So I bought a set of parking sensors. Cheap ones, from AliExpress. Prolly the cheapest ones I could find. Installed them w/ engine turned off. All seemed fine. Cleaned it all up, got ready to go, started the engine and beeeep beeep beeepeeeeep beepp ..... beeeeeeeeep.

fuck.

Tried unplugging/replugging them one-by-one to find the faulty one. Nada. Apparently they all were false-alarming. They must all be bad, bcz they seem to work well w/ engine turned off (ignition on) and only false-alarm when engine is on.

Allright, I'll get a new set next weekend, a more expensive one and replace them again.

There goes my €20 and another week basically w/o parking sensors (car length is >5 meters, so sensors do help a lot).

Today I spend a few hours removing my rear bumper again, replacint all the sensors, wiring, etc. Tests show promising results - all sensors seem OK even w/ engine on! Close it all up, start a car again and.... beeep bep bep beeep beeee..eeeeppp.

MOTHER FUCK!

Another 30min-hour goes by while looking for a possible culprit. And I found it. The fix could did not take longer than 5 seconds. Apparently a wire feedint the sensors' controller was too close to sensors' wires. All I had to do is to push that wire a lil further from the controller with my index finger.

I could have saved €30, a week of time, half a day of work if I only knew what wire to [literally] poke.

shit...

A lot of people have been asking me lately for a nice way to organize their movies and series piling up in their drives:

If you've got like a huge collection of films and TV shows that you've kept for re-watching now and then, you can set up your own personal media server at home using a free app called 'Plex'.

Plex will automatically scan your drive for movies or series, fetch their metadata from the internet, index the info and create fully searchable libraries for each genre. It's like having your personal version of Netflix 'offline'.

And with that setup, you can stream your media on any device connected to your WiFi : TV, tablet, laptop, phone etc.

I hope someone finds this useful.

So I've taken over a project, well, not really taken over, we've been hired to add more functionality to a Wordpress site.

I have never seen such a messy code in my life... variables have mixed languages, indentation is a mix of tabs, 2, 3 and 4 spaces, camelcase, snake case, short names, long names. ' and ", no spaces after commas (gotta save those bytes doode)
Almost like it has been copypasted from everywhere.

I think I said 10-15 hours for it. I think I will spend a lot more time tidying up this code.

Hey, look, 3 index files!!
index.php
index__backup.php
index__backup_2.php

I don't dare to look into the CSS or JS, but I know I have to

Do things in JS they said, it'll be easier they said...

(After a few WTF's i found the problem, arr.map passes more parameters to parseInt than just the strings. It also passes an array index that gets interpreted as radix)

Because fuck logic.

'This returns a lot of rows
myAdapter.SelectCommand.CommandText = "SELECT FROM tblNews order by DateAdd desc "
myAdapter.Fill(rs)

'He only wants the 4 latest articles
For index = 0 to 4
'Do something with the data
Next

How some people manage to still have a job is truly fucking amazing.

The only serious, as in customer affecting, bug I never git fixed was an indexing bug that caused an exception requiring manual intervention by one of us.

Despite going at it for many years I never found the root cause before I left the company.

The reason it was so difficult was that it only occurred every second month or less and with different customers.
It was also not triggering directly when the error occurred but a while later once the error had caused accumulated errors until one value got negative.

Also, it was a combination SQL, backend code and frontend js and the time from initial error until an invalid value could be hours, days or even weeks.

And we never ever managed to replicate it our self and found no common pattern between occasions.

We think it was some kind of race condition when updating the db that caused duplicate values or a hole in the index series (db transaction or db index was not an option for various reason that would require a redesign of the central tables and most if the central code).

This then grew into multiple error on consecutive updates until one f them resulted in a negative number that then caused a regex in js to fail.

Damn z-index!

Probably the smallest, most inconsequential rant I'll write here, but - is it that hard for websites with a main search input or login field on their landing page to put its tab index to 1?

I mean, my mouse is all the way over *there* ~

Fuck you ass hole

Am I the only one who gets extremely nervous the night before an interview as that technical test can encompass the entire academic field of CS. I'm just worried I'll forget the difference between a clustered and non-clustered index or fail to convey the difference between TDD and BDD.

I'm ten years in to my career now, so I 'should' know my stuff. I've produced the tests my self, hired other devs, but I still feel the nerves.

What do you do when a modal tries to cover up something you're reading?

Developer console. Delete div. *Flip off Screen * Ahh, z-index: 300000, how quaint? Delete class. Continue reading.

So i must say i am fucking tired of web developing.

Back story so the story would make more sense: (My education is made so its a period of school & internship. If you dont have a internship there is place, that is made to kind be like a company, but just worst)

I have been doing web developing for the last maybe like 5 months straight, well i find it pretty boring due to its pretty much the same process over and over again, i am not getting challenge at all.

It isnt what pisses me most off. What really pisses me of is dealing with all these idiots, by idiots i mean these in charge,

(so its not really a company the place tasks are simulated to kind be like what we learn from the school part (we are far from only doing web, we are building mostly applications in C# & have done some embedded programming as well)

but since he is only a web-dev he thinks thats the only programming we should learn, even thought "the education called "web-dev" got closed due to the lack of companies that would/could hire them". He is pretty ignorant, he also dislikes everything else then PHP.

Hr ignorant webdev man: "NodeJS is pretty unsecure and is slow" - he has never used nodeJS before.

So for a week ago i finished my project, i had made a huge website. I had made divided all the difference types for them selves (database stuff in their own classes, the business logic in their own files (also so i didnt had to print any html out inside the php.

So when i finished i got told it was unreadable, and he then started to show me what he meant, first of all he started to database logic, business logic & JS inside the index file, he even started to print all the html out inside echo´s.

He saw my SQL and started to demonstrate he his, maybe some of the ugliest SQL, "because me making prepared for statements that takes user inputs, is overkill" - who cares about SQL injection. "Lets replace prepared with query".

(No this is not to piss on the web development, just me who is fucking angry right now)

I didn't think I'd be able to contribute but today proved me wrong.

I'm a front end dev, and I'm the marketing department's go-to in IT (read: I'm their bitch :[ ) The digital marketing guy pinged me today saying he wanted to see if there's a way he could avoid having the president ask him about a task he supposedly did months ago: implement a glossary on our website and index its pages.

Turns out he hasn't done that task at all because he disagreed with the president's decision to even have a glossary.

Fast forward to now, and the president is asking how the glossary is doing. Cue my coworker sending me messages asking how he can avoid having to index the pages now, as well as not get in trouble for not having done it but saying he did.

So in summary: he did not do a job the president told him to do, he lied and said that he had done it, he is avoiding talking to the president about it, he is trying to get me to help him get out of it and cover his tracks, AND he just admitted it in company channels of communication.

Next time, just index the glossary, dude. We all get handed work tasks we don't want to do.

I really felt like a badass one time when I managed to recover all projects on our dev server after a full meltdown of the HDD.

We had no recent backups, because our backup server was down for a few months, and our (at the time small) company was in a tight spot on finances, and couldn't get a replacement.

The problem was that the HDD on the backup server failed, but we were storing all projects also on the dev server, along with our local git repos (no GitHub at the time for us), but then the dev server HDD also broke, and I used every piece of data recovery software I found trying to recover the data, until one actually managed to read the raw data from the HDD and store it as a virtual drive, that I then used to try and build another partition index and it actually worked!

Lost about 10% of the data, but that was enough, as i managed to recover all the git repos and databases...

I don't even remember the tools that got the job done in the end, but that was one hell of a week, and at the end I felt like a true IT God!

True story!

PS: 2 weeks later we had a new backup server, another offsite backup solution and a GitHub account for the company. Was delayed on salary in order to manage it (me and the CEO both agreed to give our pay for one month to get them), but worth it!

ripgrep is AMAZING!

It's a CLI tool to search your code quickly, and here's the kicker: it uses your . gitignore to only index your source.

It is fast, powerful, and highly flexible and I'm MARRYING IT

`brew install ripgrep`
`rg 'your new bicycle' -g '!*.yml' `

z-index: 1

As a Backend guy doing CSS. (Honestly don't know what i'm doing)

position: absolute;
z-index: -999999999999; /* better fucking work*/

margin-left: -1200;
background: red;
asdfghjkl

wait? what?

Using z-index 99999999999.

Are you fucking serious... please go somewhere far far away from me and cut your hands off so I don't have to deal with this shit.

CSS + Noob + Import html
Hey guys
Need some help here.
Is it possible to include an HTML file inside another HTML file without an iframe? I wanted to create the structure of the page in one file and include it inside another HTML (for example, have one index that dynamically includes an HTML file in a section, called by the menu OR having the menu, top and footer in one or two files and include them in all the other pages...)

One time I was building a custom modal for some crappy WordPress template and I was having trouble with the header rendering above my backdrop, after digging into the CSS I realized the headers z-index was literally set to 9001.

Currently rebuilding a web store backend originally developed in 5.2 and by an Indian guy who loved his spaghetti and his knowledge of version control is to do things like 'index.php, index1.php, index-old.php'. Even on the DB he does this... God damn

I find it hilarious the total misconception of hacking that the general public has. I tell people I know cyber security (Not as much as a lot of people around here) but it is a hobby of mine and I find it very useful/interesting.

But I can't stop but laugh when someone is like, can you get all the text messages my bf receives?

Can you hack this for me can you back that?

C'mon even if I knew how to do that without being caught you think I would even admit that to you. Do hackers just walk around with an index card pasted to their forehead of their skill? It's not even slightly reasonable to think this lol even for someone who doesn't know about the field

I type with my index fingers. Am I an abomination?

Reading about Lua, see this:

"Lua arrays are 1-based: the first index is 1 rather than 0 as it is for many other programming languages (though an explicit index of 0 is allowed)."

*close tab*

If you're having CSS problems, I feel bad for you son,

I got 99 problems that I fixed with 'z-index: 100;'

Im getting annoyed by the new layout of google. Hovering the sidebar will make a scrollbar appear but the main part of the site's scrollbar will disapear. This results in most content moving from their original place. Let's make a Stlyish script to fix this problem I thought. Guess what now somethings stay where they should be, but the things that were first on the right place have moved. Also this will make the header shorter. I'm getting more and more amazed how shitty some frontend devs are at google.
To fix one bug they, instead of solving the bug, tried to counter the result of the bug.

I do like the z-index of the sidemenu though (it's 2005, the year youtube was created)

Any lua devs here or am i index 1? (Lua jokes)

this is how my colleague with a masters in IT calculated what page he was on:

if (index < 12)
return 0;
else if (index < 24)
return 1;
else if ...

and he went up to 96.

My boss: Can you write something to append the product names with their descriptions?

Sure. Sure you want that?

Yes. Asap please.

Okay, I'll finish it this today.

*Done

Finished it, want me to publish this to production?

Yeah.

(One week later)

Did you put those name changes online?

Yes, why.

Oh damn, your co-worker, D. Trump, has changed a lot of the names so they index better on Google. You should check those kind of things before changing it online.

Right..

Concerns a few thousand products. Long story hah

Tldr; updated many product names overriding many hours of manual labour.

I need to delay execution of code in a for loop, how do I do that?

PHP: Sleep(3000)

Javascript:
const waitFor = (ms) => new Promise(r => setTimeout(r, ms))
const asyncForEach = (array, callback) => {
for (let index = 0; index < array.length; index++) {
await callback(array[index], index, array)
}
}

const start = async () => {
await asyncForEach([1, 2, 3], async (num) => {
await waitFor(50)
console.log(num)
})
console.log('Done')
}

start()

Fuck you Javascript

Getting surgical with arrays.... Feeling like a mad scientists cause it worked!!

Am I the only one who enjoys learning low languages like C/C++ and absolutely hate Java (seriously FUCK Java so much I hate using it)

Working with pointers and just having the compiler completely explode in your face because you forgot a semicolon or an index out of bounds maybe a bracket just disappeared and you are frustrated but then you fix it and voila it works like magic.

Maybe it's just a thing of mine because C++ was the first programming language I learned and I miss this feeling of hopelessness (I think I might have done BDSM fetishes) and it makes me feel nostalgic.

When I was first learning them all I thought about was how cool this stuff is.

Defining importance as a Web Developer.

Firefox === Iceweasel !important;
z-index: 99999999999999999;

Fuck you to all forums that still index deleted threads in search engines! FUCK YOU IN THE EYE SOCKET THRICE.

It's looks like this weeks "Weekly Group Rant" is trolling all the developers who have side projects that never finished.

1. CMS like WordPress
2. MVC framework like Laravel
3. Android App like Tinder
and... list goes on.

#1, #2 and few others are still stuck on index page.

Friend getting 'index out of range' error so I wonder over and have a look 🤔

Array_variable[-1]

🙈🙉😩

No words were needed!

OMG, R programming language's index starts from 1.... #SHOCKED

VB: Array index starts at 1.

Haha no, I joke. I think Ionic is worse.

Please stop the z-index inflation.

I Google
I stack overflow
I am an index that references
The internet memory

The modern day code-er mantra

You wrote a little simple and clean mvc framework to work faster on some new projects. It can "compile" tags as {% var %} or {% array.key %} in the html code with support of {% for arrayOfHash in hash %} foreach construct and nice features, it can call api's callback in a smart way as ghost methods of a class, he can make routes with the route provider. You tested it and made a little example, after you went in the bathroom you read the index code and you started staring at the beauty and elegance of it. You go to bed happy and sleep. The day after you wake up and realize that it's unuseful because there's a lot of mvc framework that surely are better and ready to use, so you lost useful time. Have you ever feel this way? MVC: Me Versus Creativity.

We bitch about JavaScript a lot, but I have never encountered a language with better out of bounds index handling for its array methods. It does make some projects considerably easier!

When anxiety breaks you but you have paper drafts due and you haven't even done the implementation and tests yet. I'd say kill me but I've been looking fab these days. Plus I've been smoking like a chimney so I guess I'll just die on my own. Lol.

On the other hand, fuck tensorflow. I can't slice a tensor object via an index, apparently! (tried two dozen tutorials and tricks so far)

Working on modifying a legacy web project and just about every single element is `position: absolute` with crazy z-index juggling and hard-coded pixel sizes and positions everywhere 😭

To make it even worse, a bunch of the javascript will also change elements sizes and positions so it takes forever to track down why an element is where it is

Looks like whole world is not giving a fuck about work, recently.
Source GII - global innovation index.

Don’t use an array with index to get a value without checking the length. Don’t use an object without checking for null.

In need of advice:
What is the quickest way to learn to type properly?

My typing is messed up, because I find myself hitting must keys with my index finger(not looking but not proper typing either)

Z-index can either be your friend, or enemy

MRW I start Index of an array with 1 and not 0 and I get out of index exception.

Am I the only developer in existence who's ever dealt with Git on Windows? What a colossal train wreck.

1. Authentication. Since there is no ssh key/git url support on Windows, you have to retype your git credentials Every Stinking Time you push. I thought Git Credential Manager was supposed to save your credentials? And this was impossible over SSH (see below). The previous developer had used an http git URL with his username and password baked in for authentication. I thought that was a horrific idea so I eventually figured out how to use a Bitbucket App password.

2. Permissions errors
In order to commit and push updates, I have to run Git for Windows as Administrator.

3. No SSH for easy git access
Here's where I confess that this is a Windows Server machine running as some form of production. Please don't slaughter me! I am not the server admin.
So, I convinced the server guy to find and install some sort of ssh service for Windows just for the off times we have to make a hot fix in production. (Don't ask, but more common than it should be.)
Sadly, this ssh access is totally useless as the git colors are all messed up, the line wrap length and window size are just weird (seems about 60 characters wide by 25 lines tall) and worse of all I can't commit/push in git via ssh because Permissions. Extremely aggravating.

4. Git on Windows hangs open and locks the index file
Finally, we manage to have Git for Windows hang quite frequently and lock the git index file, meaning that we can't do anything in git (commit, push, pull) without manually quitting these processes from task manager, then browsing to the directory and deleting the .git/index.lock file.

Putting this all together, here's the process for a pull on this production server:
Launch a VNC session to the server. Close multiple popups from different services. Ask Windows to please not "restart to install updates". Launch git for Windows. Run a git pull. If the commits to be pulled involve deleting files, the pull will fail with a permissions error. Realize you forgot to launch as Administrator. Depending on how many files were deleted in the last update, you may need to quit the application and force close the process rather than answer "n" for every "would you like to try again?" file. Relaunch Git as Administrator. Run Git pull. Finally everything works.

At this point, I'd be grateful for any tips, appreciate any sympathy, and understand any hatred. Windows Server is bad. Git on Windows is bad.

Fuck these languages which have their array index starting at 1
Yes R, I'm talking about you.

z-index:5000;

Sometimes I worry about the impact AI will have on software development jobs in a future.

... then I see things like this and remember why humans don't deserve nice things.

Probably one the most frustrating CSS experiences was understanding how z-index works - and sometimes how it doesn't. And how you can break its default behaviour by using opacity.

Today, making a list out loud while in a conversation with a co-worker.
Me:
"thing one" *puts out hand*,
"thing two" *raises thumb*,
"thing three" *raises index finger*,
"thing four" *raises middle finger*

Co-worker: "That's 3 fingers, you said 4 things.."
Me: "I guess I mentally counted in base 0.."

Too much work. Too much pressure. And I spilled hot tea and burnt my index finger.

!dev

JavaScript be Jah's language

*i* && *i*
be the Index and Iterator

the *++* profound,
no *array* of Babylon fi stand me *code block*

Jah! the *{curly braces}* spit fire

🔱

I just gave a simple API which fetches recent searches by pinging an index on elasticsearch to the UI developer.
She had just one job. And ended up calling the server every time it loads on every screen thereby reaching max limit of calls per second and giving 429.

QA are not even required to break your code. UI developers are more than enough :)

I (junior dev) hate it when my boss tells me to do things that totally don't make sense...

I'm managing an internal site which requires a login to access. Why the hell should I change every damn article in the cms, so robots meta tag is set to no index. It's behind a fucking login and Google won't be able to index it! (except the login of course)

...

I did it anyway.

-Rant-
How do you (not) secure your Rest based web service?
1. Chain it to shady organic authentication system built by a hoard of monkeys high on Tequila.
2. have secret keys that get copy pasted into config flat files, and index them on your code search engine.
3. make the onboarding extremely platform specific that you need 500 environment variables, 50 scripts, 5 fancy device presses and a tap dance to make a GET call to the service.
4. fish through 500 rotating log files that the authentication system generates for each API call made.
5. Leave traces all over the host so if you have to start over, you should sudo rm -rf / and set fire to your computer.

Today on "fuck Firefox": elements with display: inline and position: relative completely mess up z-index and nested fixed / absolute positioned elements. It's a known bug, it has open issues on bugzilla since 2005, but still no fix. IE 8 can get it right, but not Firefox...

was pretty excited to see the annular solar eclipse, pretty cloudy today, wish I could adjust the sun's z-index 😐

If plural of "index" is "indices", why is plural of "regex" not "regices"?

After 24 hours waiting for Xcode 9 to finish download, I run it on an existing project and got greeted with this:
Indexing Text

For fucknsake you piece of shit! Because indexing project isn't enough now Xcode index text! What the fuck are Apple employees smoking 😔

How come your fucking pseudo code is far more complex than python code? You're a fucking university teacher FFS, ALSO TELL ME WHY THE FUCK YOU START YOUR INDEX LIST BY 1.

I had expected to see people posting about the Valve Index so I waited a bit because I'm lazy.

Since nobody has posted it, here it is.

A few days ago Valve started the pre-order process for their new VR set. I bought one within 5 minutes of going live. They sold out in 8 minutes on the US store and within 25 minutes in Europe.

Who else has ordered/is gonna order it? Why (not)?

When you cache index a faster query but your co-worker from other part of the world clears it.... It's been six times now dude

Teaching a colleague to use INDEX / MATCH in Excel
Me: Type in =MATCH() and select the reference cell, the column its in, and put 0 for the last value.
Them: OK... Done
Me: Now type in =INDEX() and select the column you want to match with, then put in the value you got from MATCH()
Them: OK... Done
Me: Now combine the two formulas
Them: How?
Me:...