A tcp packet walks in to a bar and says “I want a beer”, barman says “you want a beer?” and tcp packet says “yes, a beer” .

In high society, TCP is more welcome than UDP. At least it knows a proper handshake.

A bunch of TCP packets go into a bar, until it’s overcrowded. The next day, half as many go in.

A bunch of TCP packets walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Hang on just a second, I need to close the window.”

When I try to send SYNs to chicks, I don’t get any ACKs. Just FINs and RSTs.

IP packet with TTL=1 arrives at bar. Bartender: “Sorry, can’t let you leave…and you don’t get any beer either…” 

The worst part about token ring jokes is that if someone starts telling one while you are telling yours, all joking stops.

The great thing about TCP jokes is that you always get them.

The problem with TCP jokes is that people keep retelling them slower until you get them.

I would tell some UDP jokes too but I never know if anyone gets them

The best thing about UDP jokes is that I don’t care if you get them or not.

I had a funny UDP joke to tell, but I lost it somewhere...

The sad thing about IPv6 jokes is that almost no one understands them and no one is using them yet.

I tried to come up with an IPv4 joke, but the good ones were all already exhausted.

A DHCP packet walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender says: “here, but I’ll need that back in an hour!

DHCP jokes only work when there is only one person telling them

The worst part of SSH jokes is that, even when they're not funny, you suck it up and just pretend they were anyway.

The problem with token ring jokes is you need to wait your turn to laugh

I’d make a joke about UDP, but I don’t know if anyone’s actually listening…

Java Joke......

Network joke

Pretty accurate I would say

Food for reference

Worst part of being a dev?
Unanswered stackoverflow question that exactly matches your problem

Most people.
"Dance like no one is looking"

Me.
"Sudo like you have backups"

Me: **Visits website with lots of ads

also Me : ** right clicks on element
** opens chrome inspector
** finds ad element
** deletes element

#LifeHacks

Just saw a variable in C named like this:

long time_ago; //in a galaxy far away

I laughed no stop.

As a Dev,
I hate writing Docs.

As a Dev,
I hate it when there's no Docs.

Vicious Cycle.

CS Professor: “What M word is the black hole to all productivity?”

Student: “Management”

CS Professor: “Was going to say meetings but that’s better”

Yesterday, my employer promoted me to lead web developer.

I’m still the only web developer.

General advice: If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.

"Are you familiar with uploading your code to Google Drive?"

I left the building at that exact moment.

What devrant taught me:

Everyone hates java
Everyone hates php
Everyone hates spaces
Everyone hates tabs
Everyone hates vim
Everyone hates windows
Everyone hates linux
Everyone hates clients
Everyone hates PMs
Everyone hates every language they're not working with
Everyone loves devrant 😊

USB sounds like a backup in case the USA fails

┓┏┓┏┓┃
┛┗┛┗┛┃＼○／
┓┏┓┏┓┃ / Friday
┛┗┛┗┛┃ノ)
┓┏┓┏┓┃ Deploys
┛┗┛┗┛┃
┓┏┓┏┓┃
┛┗┛┗┛┃
┓┏┓┏┓┃
┃┃┃┃┃┃
┻┻┻┻┻┻

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?" 

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?" 

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?" 

- DoS Attack

My girlfriend dumped me after I named a class after her. She felt I treated her like an object.

void walks into a cave
doesn't return

-Laughed at Gitlab the other day
-Accidentally dropped my db today.

fuck karma

**Overheard new intern struggling with git talking to lead developer

Intern: "I am having trouble with the git repo on my local machine, can you take a look?"

*** Looks at code for three seconds

Lead developer: "Yeah, I suggest you just delete and reclone the repo."