So we're seating in our small dev room where nothing else and no one else can fit in. I'm sitting next to the door so whenever anyone want to get in or out I need to do it first.
It's middle of the day and one of our dev friends. You don't believe what he did.
He fixed bug. So I pushed the red button to signalise that the bug was fixed and at the same time the alarm siren has launched and red lights starts to blink. Next minute couple of strippers wants to enter. Since the room is small they started dancing on our desks. Waitress opens champagne that's pouring on my leg and then I woke up and my dog is pissing on me.

Social media is bad for your self image. When you look at LinkedIn, everybody is making super cool applications and sites everybody just loves!

My work is more of a collection of bad designs intended to inspire more belief in the oncoming failcascade that is the next client's marketing brainfart hoping for happenstance but being shattered on the impervious anvil of shattered hopes and dreams.

It's a shitshow, but at least I get to press all the buttons to advance the stupid plot of a bad comedy.

It's not. But it's the only thing I get paid for.

All corporate apps have that story for me at one moment or another.

i fart and i forget
i pee and i remember
i poop and i understand

Do you ever read any of agreement...

When you look at someone with rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.

Hi guys im looking for a flutter remote position or paid internship, here is a link to my app https://play.google.com/store/apps/... an app for jobs

Finally read the Steve Jobs autobiography.

That guy is going to make it big!

Android development is such an enormous realm. It's simply incredible.

Even after more than 2 years of programming android apps, I can experience a different exception every day!

Time spent on Android Studio:

30% - Actual programming
70% - Waiting for gradle to build

Android Relative layout is similar to Microsoft Word.

Move the button a little bit and earth moves from it's orbit :/

What is d easiest way to learn javascript

The issue was a space. A fucking space all this time!

5 nEw JavaAcriPt frAmeWorkS foR 2020
...
.....
...
this is why people keep thinking us in the JavaScript world are fucking retarded.

Bad leaders are simple - they give someone a job - simply to return an eon later unhappy with the progress - without seeking to understand a single component of the events that transpired during their absence. Place this mentality at the top of the hierarchy, and it will cascade throughout an entire organisation.

Me: GET /sleep
Baby: 307 Temporary Redirect
Baby: 204 No Content
Me: 200 OK

Me: GET /sleep
Baby: 307 Temporary Redirect
Baby: 413 Payload Too Large
Me: 102 Processing
Me: 200 OK

Me: GET /sleep
Baby: 307 Temporary Redirect
Baby: 444 Connection Closed Without Response
Me: 200 OK

Me: GET /sleep
Baby: 307 Temporary Redirect
Baby: 444 Connection Closed Without Response
Me: 429 Too Many Requests

Me: GET /sleep
Baby: 307 Temporary Redirect
Me: 101 Switching Protocols
Me: 408 Request Timeout
GF: 102 Processing

Me: GET /sleep
Sleep: 404 Not Found
Me: 406 Not Acceptable

(Morning)
Me: 501 Not Implemented

Was a co-lead on the first project to add image recognition to ATMs for depositing checks. Turns out, it was a pretty OK idea and people liked it.

3.5 years with my OnePlus 3, switched today to iPhone 11.
Starting regretting it.

*Me starving all the week to lose weight:
Lost 3.5~4 Kg

*Me eating as always during my pause day
Won: 2 Kg

Fuck, this shit does not work, it is like Javascript.

*Manager enters the room quickly*

Manager: Coffe2Code, we have a serious problem on the application, (We are working on a chat app).

Me: What? now just few hours before the Demo?, what is it?

Manager: when I send or receive a media message (audio or video) the sound is not playing, the file seems like corrupted !

Me: that's strange, let me debug it and see.

*Me spending an hour and could not even reproduce the bug..*

Me: Boss, I cannot see the bug, can I debug on your device quickly?

Manager: Sure, here it is.

Me: hold the fucking device, press VOLUME UP, IT WAS FUCKING MUTE. THERE WAS NO ISSUE MOTHERFUCKER.

Manager, oups ok good no issue then, thanks

What makes me afraid that he never find a solution for that !

Seniors: I wrote it like that because I had deadlines, you wrote it like that because you're a moron.

I just want to throw out there for Javascript developers, async and await are the two best things to ever happen to promises.

"I'm feeling lucky" :)

Yet another meme

Recently joined new Android app (product) based project & got source code of existing prod app version.

Product source code must be easy to understand so that it could be supported for long term. In contrast to that, existing source structure is much difficult to understand.

Package structure is flat only 3 packages ui, service, utils. No module based grouped classes.

No memory release is done. So on each screen launch new memory leaks keep going on & on.

Too much duplication of code. Some lazy developer in the past had not even made wrappers to avoid direct usage of core classes like Shared Preference etc. So at each place same 4-5 lines were written.

Too much if-else ladders (4-5 blocks) & unnecessary repetitions of outer if condition in inner if condition. It looks like the owner of this nested if block implementation has trust issues, like that person thought computer 'forgets' about outer if when inside inner if.

Too much misuse of broadcast receiver to track activities' state in the era of activity, apપ life cycle related Android library.

Sometimes I think why people waste soooo... much efforts in the wrong direction & why can't just use library?!!

These things are found without even deep diving into the code, I don't know how much horrific things may come out of the closet.

This same app is being used by many companies in many different fields like banking, finance, insurance, govt. agencies etc.

Sometimes I surprise how this source passed review & reached the production.

"since i can't use my desktop due to the new furniture, can i run some of my old-ass games on Wine on my anaemic as shit laptop?? Oh, Freelancer works... wait, no keyboard input? What do you mean, fans are locked at 0RPM while Freelancer is open? That's why my keyboard doesn't work???"

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I'll fucking kill you bitch who the fuck made you the system administrator of this fucking college? The fuckery you do... god damn some students know more than you and you should agree to this fact. The previous sysadmin was knowledgeable and you are just a fucking worker in the finance department. You fucking dare not call yourself a sysadmin when you can't even read the fucking docs provided by the G Suite. At least you didn't make the mail server yourself otherwise god knows what the shit you'd have spread around.

FUCK YOU

I'm just a piece of carbon dumping all the money away that was earned by hard work by my parents and other elders of the family....

Help me
I'm dying (well everyone is... but I'm a piece of shit)