......

When you do a deploy and none of the tests fail and you get more suspicious of the code than when a couple of them do fail.

My friend (not in CS) said his computer was a bit slow.
I told him I'd fix that for 10, he agreed.

I increased the cursor speed.
He bought it.

Source : Reddit

Did a very tiny migration for a client which would normally be done against our hourly rate but decided to do it for free as it would take me like 5 minutes and it was a very important thing for him and he actually offered to pay.

Fuck it, he'll be very happy, it doesn't take me much time and I know my boss would approve.

Did the migration, messaged the client and he thanked me.

Next day a cake arrives at work with my name on it and "thanks for helping us with the migration!"

Now that's how you make my fucking day!

Visual Studio Code! It's Microsoft showing Atom that they can copy Sublime Text better ;)

I am a naughty developer am I

I got my first job as a programmer... for a salary twice as big as we had at home for four people. I'm f***ing excited!

Wish me luck :)

What retarted way of writing xml files is this.

Burn this before it lays eggs.

I have a 6 month license on PyCharm Professional Edition.
I don't think I'll be learning Python anytime soon, so if anyone wants to use it, go ahead and redeem it.

599P6-E7P3E-MH7CW-B2T7Z-GNKE9

PS: Would be nice if you could comment that you used it, so that other people know that it's gone.

Google hitting nails on their own coffins. Coming from someone outside the organisation can be discarded as a way of ruining the company's image, but when you see the words "Google, For Internal Use Only", even a Google fanboi(I am guilty of being one) has to accept that this can have adverse effects, not now probably but in the long run definitely.

Presenting, Google's Selfish Ledger

https://theverge.com/2018/5/...

People working on the "breakthrough Tongue Detection" for "animojis" at Apple Inc. must be telling their relatives they are drug dealers. I mean what could be more embarrassing than this.

So Patanjali(aka Ramdev Baba trying to sell you even a fucking underwear as ayurvedic and locally made) released their chat application "Kimbho" and was taken down within 24 hours because of major security flaws.

Some obvious ironies I would like to point out here.

1. Coming up with a chat application with gaping security flaws at this stage when privacy related discussions are happening at every nook and corner, worst move ever.

2. There are elections in 2019 and 1 year would be the right amount of time to gather data on public and start targetting and influencing people. It shouldn't be so obvious and everyone knows which political party Patanjali leans towards.

3. You are promoting an app citing Make In India initiative. You are the biggest Indian based FMCG operating in India, courtesy exploiting nationalist sentiments. Whatever you aim of doing, at least invest a decent amount of money in hiring good developers and designers. If not anything get a content writer who will write you an original description of your app for as low as ₹1000.

4. Promoting a competitor of whatsapp on whatsapp is a brilliant move. Give that marketting fellow a big raise.

5. Replacing the phone icon with a shankh is not innovation. Also, everyone knows about spam farms in Bangladesh and many places in India. So boasting about 1.5 lakh downloads in less than an hour only speaks more about your ignorance and lack of technical knowledge.

6. If you really are promoting "swadeshi app", why are you offering logging in through facebook? I mean even a blind person can clearly see your agenda here.

7. Hike is a messaging app made in India and they are here since long and still it are nowhere near the usage of whatsapp. Selling shit in the name of Make in India is not cool and its high time Patanjali realises this. But then again, it is their only marketting strategy because how else can you sell something as gross as cow urine and that too people buying it voluntarily.

8. If this stunt was carried out to be in the news, well played. You are getting a good amount of publicity, but this time a bad publicity will do more harm than good. People are calling out your bluff and you will get to see the results.

Mr. Baba Ramdev, fraud karo, itna blatant mat karo. India ki public sentimental hai chutiya nahi.

Really upbeat quirky music on full blast. That really gets me pumped up.

*Story Time*
In my previous company, I had the best co-workers both technically and personally. So this one time we had a product launch scheduled and there was a shit load of tasks that had to be done before the launch. The entire team used to work for 18 hours straight almost daily to meet the deadline. Sometimes stress used to get the better of us, so to help ourselves relax, we used to play pranks on each other. Like this one time one of my friends had left his email logged in. Obviously we shot out a mail to the entire company group that I have become a dad. The funny part about this was he wasnt even married. So things like these used to keep us going and there was always laughter and fun going around.

Mouse pads are for poor people. Rich and genuine developers always use laptops.

*Walks off in a cloud of gold dust

The most evil theme I have come across..

All holes filled.. 😂

People use duckduckgo on chrome while they are signed in.. I mean come on.. Seriously??

Everything is going as planned

buzzword translations:

"cloud" -> someones computer

"big data" -> lots of somewhat irrelevant data

"ai" -> if if if if if if if if if if if if if else

"algorithm" -> something that works but you don't know why

"secure" -> https://

"cyber security" -> kali linux + black hoodie

"innovation" -> adding something completely irrelevant such as making a poop emoji talk

"blockchain" -> we make lots of backups

"privacy" -> we store your data, we just don't tell you about it

Me at 11:00
"Ohh I need to split this component into two since too much has been put into this.. Seems like an easy task.. Will take me an hour max to do this.."

Me at 22:00
"Damnnn.. I think I have broken this code.. I am doomed.."
*Replaces all files with HEAD

Dev vs Tester

Just tried to double tap a Facebook comment to "like" it.

Git blame strikes again

@AlexDeLarge did i found you on reddit?

Manager: Write a function to get tomorrow's date.

Kids:

int getTomorrowsDate() {
return getCurrentDate() + 1;
}

Legends:

int getTomorrowsDate() {
sleep(1000*60*60*24);
return getCurrentDate();
}

For new Linux Users...

My neural networks journey so far:
Look up tutorials -> see that Python is a popular tool for ML -> install Python -> pip install scipy -> breaks with some weird error involving BLAS library code -> spend half an hour fixing it -> try installing Theano -> breaks because my USERNAME HAS A SPACE IN IT LIKE SERIOUSLY? WTF -> make new account without a space in the name -> repeat till Theano -> run tests, found out that I didn't install CUDA support -> scrap the install and redo with CUDA support -> CUDA libraries take forever to download on shitty internet -> run tests -> breaks with some weird Theano compiler error -> go crying to friend -> friend tells me about Anaconda -> scrap the previous install and download Anaconda over shitty connection -> mess up conda environments because noobishness -> scrap, retry -> YESS I FINALLY GOT IT WORKING TIME TO DO SOME LEARNI-crap it's 4 in the morning already.

I realize that I'm a Python noob (and also, uni computers with GPUs have preconfigured Windows installed only, no Linux), but is installing Python libraries always such a pain? Am I doing something wrong? Installing via Anaconda felt like cheating, tbh.

Fuck Off As A Service(FOAAS) provides a modern, RESTful, scalable solution to the common problem of telling people to fuck off.

http://foaas.com/

Finally , a usefuckingful service.

When you resign, then they realise a potential developer. Before that you were just an Hooman resource.