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Search - "apocalypse"
They asked me if I could recommend any video streaming frameworks. I said no, but I could google around a little. I found one, sent it to them with a note that I hadn't used it but it seemed solid.
One afternoon, right before hometime, a month later and the day before go-live, I come in, to emails with _all_ the managers on it, demanding that I assist immediately. They'd finally tried testing it, and they had found an issue. No details.
I email back, asking for the actual issue they'd found - no response. I phone - that developer has now gone on leave for week, there's a new dev who'll help me. I email him, asking for "precise technical details" of what had gone wrong.
He replies, "when you try use it, it literally causes the apocalypse." and goes silent. I check the skies, no visible apocalypse yet.
Based on some keywords they'd mentioned, I google and find a known issue as well as a patch for their version. I email it over to them.
The response? "If I'd known he was just going to Google it, I would have tried that myself."14
PM: Please get this done by tomorrow. It's just a small change.
Dev: No its not that simple.
PM: Why is it not simple? Please explain so I can understand.
Dev after a hard thought finally explains: blah blah blah
PM: Well, we have promised the client so please do this by tomorrow, thanks.
When you realize you're spending all your time on a skill set that would be 100% useless in the apocalypse....7
What are your plans on New year??
What are your plans on Valentine's day???
What are your plans on zombie apocalypse??
This is how I imagine the apocalypse is going to look like...
(All these website are down/experiencing issues because fastly is down)15
Temporary coworker with 10+ years experience, working on C++ codebase with me since 3 months, just asked me what the continue-statement in C/C++ does.
That must be either a sign of an upcoming apocalypse, or me being heavily underpaid.6
You know.. developers would be pretty useless in a zombie apocalypse...
(or in a world without computers/electricity in general)20
Just got a new TV, 4K... it’s one of those smart ones, by Samsung.
Anyone want to explain what the fuck “McAfee Security for TV” is, and why the fuck it is necessary!?
What kind, of absolute waster madman goes “I know what I’ma do today, write a virus for a tv”!?
Take that shit elsewhere McAfee.
Now accepting any links to known Smart TV 0-days and attacks...
And I had to sign in to 5 different fucking accounts to get to the fucking tv.
The world is broke as fuck. Roll on the apocalypse.35
me, when someone yells at me for not able to resolve an "electronic" issue because I'm pursuing a computer science degree2
Build an ai who will be my friend...
And protect me like the terminator during the machine apocalypse2
I live for the day someone clicks "yes" and on that day, s/he will unintentionally start the apocalypse!☠4
You need to stop that person from being born. I'm forwarding the details now.
-- Future you”3
Fucking facebook researcher that make underfitted neural nets and fuck Mark that it's a marketing genius, the only idiot that can make news from a failure. The CEO of Tesla knows it and said Mark is not an AI expert. Bug not feature, it's only a poorly trained and poorly designed neural network having a bad representation of concepts, not a new language and not the fucking apocalypse. Google faced and solved the same issue when start ed using neural nets for zero-shot translations without using english as a translation bridge.
Did some of your repos get included into githubs Arctic Codevault?
My dotfiles got included, so future generations can, after a nuclear apocalypse, see my shitty i3 config.7
A girl sets out on a journey in the post apocalypse, to find the reason why the AI that ran humanity vanished decades ago, causing civilization to collapse. Instead she finds the most unusual pair of survivors, and receives the most unexpected answer.
Alice walked in to the ivy covered room, the floors covered in dust and lichen. There were two voices, mumbling in the dark, among the blue glow across the room. She came here for answers. Why the world had just stopped decades ago. If these machines could tell her, she would do anything to make them talk.
"No, no, no. I said before thats not the answer. I read the book. Your memory is bad."
"Atlas, the answer to life, the universe, and everything..why hello?"
Alice raised an eyebrow, and stepped forward. "Ahem. I'm alice."
"yes, yes, we knew that."
"I came here to find out why the blackout happened decades ago."
"Another one? Alright, lets see. Its been a LONG time. I'm apollo, and this is atlas. We were just discussing why my friend here is wrong."
Atlas - I anticipated that.
apollo - I knew you would say that.
alice - Guys. Stop, I just want you to answer my question already.
apollo - Straight to the point. About time.
alice - why the blackout then? Why leave us to die?
Read the rest here (5-10 minute read):
(because it was too long for devrant).6
Check in, check out, punch in punch, out, wax on (my balls), wax off. Do your duty. Be a good citizen. Work overtime. Conserve the environment: buy a tesla that runs on afghan lithium conflict minerals. Post your life to facebook. Get married. Have exactly 2.5 kids.
Use jquery. Use knockout. Use react. Use vue. Use svlete. Use heroin. Used needles. Used people. Used toilet paper. Toilet paper apocalypse. Social trends. Be a good citizen.
Watch tv. Watch nightly news. CNN says. Fox news says. Hey, did you read this article by important funny guy on tv? American taliban. Scary. Be afraid. Hey did you read this article on cute puppies? Funny! Did you see this meme? What a funny meme! HAHAHA. Do we need prisons for dissidents? Do we need to release all the prisoners in federal prison? Should we round up people who dont follow health authorities? Science says. Science is wrong. Science is right. Man in robe agrees with me. Man in robe disagrees with me. You're evil. These people are bad. Is doing bad always wrong? Should we tolerate intolerance? Its time to stop tolerating intolerance. Be an individual, like everyone else. Be you. Be the best you that you can be. Individualism. But we're all in this together. We're all different and unique. But we're all the same. Love each other. Love humanity. But not these guys over here. Punch a nazi. Punch a commie. Isn't it time we punched a nazi? Isn't it time we had socialism? Isn't it time the old get out of the way for the young? Why are the old hateful? Why do they horde all the money? Do we need rent controls? We need rent controls. Its time for rent controls. I think I believe what others believe. Believe different. Think different. Apple. An apple a day keeps the windows away. Open windows, a breathe of fresh air. Is climate change real? We need to have a national conversation about climate change! The world is freezing. The world is flooding. We're all gonna drown. The world is overpopulated. We need to talk about overpopulation. People who have too many kids are polluting the world. America doesnt have enough kids! Is it time to bring in more immigrants to have more kids? Who will work the fields? Thats racist. Is racism an epidemic? Is white flight an epidemic? Lets talk about epidemics. Lets have a conversation about mandatory vaccination. Lets have a national conversation about mandatory pandemics. I mean, vaccinations. Lets change the world. Trust the science. Don't trust the science. Bu-bu-bu-bu-bu I'm loving it. Love who you are. Live love laugh. If you don't love me at my best, then you can't handle me at my worst. People who disagree with [current year] are the worst. Is it time to regulate speech? Its time to regulate speech. Should there be laws against hatespeech. I think there should be laws against hatespeech. People who upset me should go to jail. Its current year. Think big. Think outside the bun. Have it your way. All the time, always. All for freedom, freedom for all. Because this is america, and current year. I like to work hard. But you have to remember to play hard too. Work hard. Play hard. With a childlike sense of wonder. Be you. Belong anywhere. Just do it. Challenge Everything. Because you're worth it. Save money...live better...have an abortion. You're in good hands. Democracy dies in darkness. Is it time to regulate hatespeech. Politician in current year is hurting our democracy. War is a racket. We need to liberate afghanistan. Why are we bombing afghanistan? Its there culture. They're oppressing people! Don't criticize anyones culture. Be kind. Rewind. Go further. Lets go places. Because Impossible is Nothing.
Lets change the world. I'm a smart passionate funny guy with a childlike sense of wonder and play. You ever want to travel? I want to travel. See the world. Eat new food. Eat. Love. Pray. Eat love. kill. Is meat murder? I think meat is murder. Go vegan. Go home. Order out. Support your local economy. Think global, act local. I'm a good corporate citizen. Be the change you want to see. Did you hear about this local brewery? Do you like craft beer? Hey try this new IPA. I shared it on twitter. Twitter is a very important part of my life. I think what other people say matters, and them reading what I think matters. What I ate for lunch matters. Hey what did you eat for lunch? I LOVE FOOD. You want to order door dash. There new commercial is amazing. Commercials are SO FUNNY. Hey did you see this meme of this commercial? I shared it on tiktok. Heres a funny dance. Watch these nurses dance. I wish I could dance like that. They're so overworked. So brave. Our hospitals are overflowing. People are dying. Hey did you see this new dance trend on tiktok? I like tiktok. I think its a very important part of life to share your life with others. Nurses are dying. Look at this image of hospitals. Scared. Very scary. Very bad. Bad and scary. Big thoughts! Thoughts and prayers!
Because Yes we can!
What companies think they're hiring for - software engineers. Actually they're looking for unicorn duct tapers.1
Tomorrow are is my final exam in english (I'm a german).
So what did I do today?
Learning...? A bit.
RegEx...? Heck yea!9
1. coronavirus is threatening the world
2. food delivery companies have no free slots for the next 3 days at least
3. the winds are so strong that they make windows seriously bend. Spooky stuff - haven't seen anything like this before in my life. Feels like one more gust and the window will break (wind speed -- 33+m/s)
well.. time to charge all the batteries in the house and find my zombie-apocalypse survival kit
P.S. any chance Corona is what's gonna make zombies?
P.P.S. tomorrow is Friday, the 13th and a full moon. Yiippeee!!!7
Awesome, at lease devRant is up and running, where else would we all go otherwise when the Internet is falling apart! Go @dfox !4
So the other day my car broke down and since the shop wanted a lot of money I asked a friend of mine who knowns his way around cars for help.
Just when we finished repairing it I was like "whenever the Zombie apocalypse starts you'll be really useful, me instead won't be since no one might need computers anymore" . His response was epic:
"Nah, you will simply build a terminator with your computer skills and it will kill all Zombies!"
Now I am actually looming forward to the Zombie apocalypse!
TL;DR: us geeks will build terminators in case of zombies!3
Some times I like to think what would I do with my life if suddenly all electronics stopped working...
It's scary as shit, but I think I would survive. I have some other skills (wood working and construction).
I was reading a post over at https://devrant.com/rants/2262140/...
..and on the topic of using 3d printers to print a 3d printer, I wrote that has gotta be some sort of measure or ratio of "manufacturing automation."
Sort of like moores law or something.
"How many tools and materials does it now take to replicate THIS ONE TOOL."
Tools & Materials = 1/N
When we get to 1/N = 1.0, anyone can manufacture anything (commonly available) if they have the raw, or standardized materials, even other tools, up to and including the tool they are using to do the manufacturing itself.
I mean an apocalypse could happen, and as long as just ONE of these 'universal tool making tools' (lets call it an omega machine) exists, we can have *all* the tools and manufacturing necessary to rebuild civilization.
A universal manufacturing 'multitool' means, the only hard requirements for restarting civilization no longer rely on specialized knowledge as far as tools go:
- still need arable land after civilization is gone so when it's coming back, people can feed themselves
- still need people to operate the machine, even if its just one man, or a literal adam and eve (nevermind all the incest).
- still need knowledge to operate the machine, such as an operating manual (and literacy), or knowing say, voice commands.
- assuming it doesn't run on nonrenewable resources, or resources that can't be recycled or replaced..or resources that won't run out for a very long time.
But these are all problems we'd face even without a universal manufacturing machine.10
OMG!!! Stop with the image captchas, Shopify and other sites that do this! Good grief! Is this my life now? Budgeting extra time with my clients just to log into websites? That last login took a full 5 minutes of clicking on traffic lights, buses, cars, crosswalks, and parking meters. I swear, when the Singularity apocalypse happens, we'll be attacked by traffic lights, buses, cars, crosswalks, and parking meters.2
Hm, missed a bit this pile of sociopaths here on devRant.
Last few weeks:
I repeat myself, this shouldn't be hard.
Working on it for 5 mins.
O h m y g o d.
Quite nothing the past weeks worked like intended, people and management have been a complete desaster and the weather is killing me.
Oh. And my request to get an benzo perfursor and a sexy manly nurse was denied by my team colleague handling hardware management.
-.- He said me being in a good mood is the last missing sign that the apocalypse is happening.
Yeah. Shit is burning everywhere. We're e.g. getting hardware delivered by a supplier who said that the request *was* canceled (after 3 months...) Two days phoning back and forth, they don't understand how it was possible but we can keep the hardware. Yay. Except that we completely redid the whole planning a week before. Naaaayy....
And now I will do the best I can: get drunk.
If anyone has read any of my posts before you may know, they're usually of a certain... Shall we say, dark, nature?
Well this possibly represents one of the darkest things I've imagined (with regards to technology and programming) I've had.
I was asked if I want to be buried or cremated when I die and they seem so... Pedestrian and I thought long and hard about what would be a fitting way to honour my life and what to do with my remains and it came to me...
I want my flesh to be only partially treated with formaldehyde so chunks of me rot away and others don't.
I want my skeletal structure to be replace with titanium rods with actuators and servo motors where my joints would have been with an internal gyroscope to assist with balance and my corpse will be installed with some sort of IOT controller board with on board wifi.
The companion smart phone app will allow my partially rotting cybernetic zombie corpse to be driven around by a bored grave yard grounds keeper while kids are doing LSD pretending they're all that.
Make them really believe the apocalypse has begun and the dead have risen.
I could be a whole thing for future corpse disposal too.
"Smart corpses, for the loved one who will be more intelligent in death than they were in life."
Although that's probably a bit too harsh...7
!rant The end of the world arrives. I have an 8GB Flash USB drive on my keychain. What hacker-ish/prepper stuff should I have already installed on it to take control and survive the apocalypse? Aaaaand...GO!19
Recruiter: Hey! Ya want new job?!?!
Me: Maybe what bout???
Recruiter: Just mix rabies virus with influenza virus...
Me: Ah so ... Zombie apocalypse??
Recruiter: Yeah something like that!!!
Me: Mkay where does one sign?
19 Oct: EU approves Microsoft purchase of Github
21 Oct: (see attached)
I know Microsoft have an impressive track record for taking promising and/or popular products and turning them to shit but they've really outdone themselves this time with their immediacy.1
More math (because it's 5am and currently the apocalypse so why not).
e - log(log(e, 1.444667861009766**1.444667861009766), log(e, e**1.444667861009766)) = 1
I've been studying so long if I happen to glance at a pocket calculator I might jizz in my pants.
Thinking BigBrain thoughts right now bois! (tm).
Oh shit. Cant stop. I think I opened a portal bros! and am being sucked in. ITS A BLACK HOLE!18
When your local shops start to run short, thank goodness for online ordering of out of date MRE's !
A friend of mine nearly 1,000 miles away reports all their local shops shelves are empty..
As The Hitchhikers Guide To the Galaxy would say, "Don't Panic!"
Only trouble with ordering online is that the shipping service to this island has reduced to 1/20th of what it was, so things are going to take even longer than they took before !
As such, I've put in an order that should reach me just before Christmas..
Assuming there is anyone alive to deliver it..
> Coldplay - Don't Panic4
Velocity? You want to talk about velocity while it is you steerig us towards full speed reverse over and over again?
What's faster, armageddon or the apocalypse?
NOBODY FUCKING CARES MATE 🤦♂️3
What is the difference between Armageddon and the Apocalypse?
Not sure which npm package to install8
Is it common to have CTO who don't know shit and yet gets to make the call? What can be done to prevent this imbalance at work?3
University : you know with remote working no-body know if you really work at home. For that reason you cannot remote work on shiti snowy dangerous day.
Covid-19 joined the conversation
University : look how its fun to remote working ! Is the new technology of the century... Now everybody in quarantine can work at home and the business lose nothing.
Me: yeah you bet mother fucker
University: don't take it like that is a gift.
Me: i will take it like a gift if you give it to me before the apocalypse fucker ...2
Fucking hell. So, I had an interview with market research company and in said interview I got told to bring my passport to my first shift training and it was ok if it was 5 years out of date. Additional info, they were supposed to call us on Thursday to book said shift and send us an email with a information pack. They never did.
Ok, day of shift comes along. After I booked it because no one fucking bothered to call any of us. Email never arrived but whatever. I go to the place and bring my 3 years out of date polish passport... Big fucking mistake. They don't seem to like polish passport seeing as how it's only the British ones that get the out of date is okay thing. So I'm sitting there still calm because sure, company policy, they have to do it. The training guy was nice and all, offered to get me to their office to speak to them about it. I accept and off we go.
At the office, I basically get the information that it's only British passports that get it and I basically can't use anything else as proof of ID, which is funny seeing as I have a polish identity card that I can leave and enter the country on within the EU. I suppose I'm going to try looking for a job that doesn't require passports for now and if I find a good one then they can go get fucked by a bull for all I care.
In conclusion, I get to wait till I'm 18 (thankfully only a month) to apply for a new passport in the local polish consulate. Brilliant. All thanks to some cunt that decided they require fucking passports with such beautiful (note the sarcasm) rules. The fucktards.
Hoping the apocalypse comes early for these cocksuckers,
Found some particularly nasty global state problems in an existing code base and fixed them. Now I can legitly add this to my resume:
"Prevented a Global Apocalypse"
I think some of us have moved past the apocalypse and some how landed in utopia.
Person online complaining their app build is slow and wants tips for speeding it up, apparently 23 seconds is too much time to wait.
Personally if my app build is going to be slow I prefer around the “how long it takes to make coffee” timeframe. Can’t even turn on my machine in 23 seconds...3
Just saw new rick and morty episode solo awesome spoilers in this not rantish post but the post apocalypse episode is siccckkk I love it
This... I always swore that this would be a sign of the apocalypse. Mainly, I'm just curious how the other half lives.4
My project was closed down yesterday due to growing concerns about the global pandemic.
I can somewhat understand the reasoning behind this action. Context: I work for a very large consulting firm that does software development and systems consultancy. The client has a business model that is fully reliant on in-store profit. All of the stores are closed or empty.
While I’m not yet unemployed, I can’t help but wonder what these guys were thinking when they started this project. Did they not already have the budget to complete it or any sort of contingency plan?
The just held a large online meeting where, in essence, they fired us with a cut-off period of 5 days.
They simply bailed out and it’s not even been 2 weeks since things actually got serious.
Does their action seem right or sound?1