The word 'Dev' literally means god in hindi language

Y0L0...

!rant

YES YES YES YES YES

GIMME SOME OF THOSE TYPED PROPERTIES <3

When I first started trying out Java I hated that I had to type every variable I declared, coming from a javascript and php background

nowadays I can't live without them, it feels so safe and secure <3 <3 <3

CSS debug 😂😂😂

Actual Shower thought about showers.

Every shower has 2 “parameters”: Throughput and Intensity.

When the intensity is high and the throughput is high, you feel like you are being hosed down by the fire brigade.

If the intensity is low and the throughput is high, it feels like you’re standing in the rain.

When the intensity is low and the throughput is low, you get mist/fog.

If the intensity is high and the throughput is low you’re just being fucking pissed on.

Somewhere in between is the sweet spot imo.

How to implement freakin OTPs ...

Loggin in ...
Click on Request OTP -> Not available
Click on Forgot password -> Send the OTP to both phone and Email.
The OTPs on phone and mail must not be the same.
So basically, user can't Login by entering OTP received on one of mail or phone.
Just ... fk the user while logging in already ... Entering the order entry in the database in twenty one minutes will do the rest. 😒

- Flipkart

My current one, not Dev related but still...

Walked into my interview with a full head of hair and man bun with a big bushy beard.

Started the day after I shaved off everything for a charity thing, my manager went 3 days without realising who I was and just rolled with me being there .-.

I just got accepted to the best CS university in a country !!

Wish me luck ^-^

Have you??

I never did in last 3 years :/
not that i remember 😂😂

Coworker wrote a nice package and put it on Github, to share with other departments.

I link his package on our company Slack, mentioning a team, with text "What do you think of this one? Is it usable for you guys?"

Next thing I know I have to explain to an executive why I'm "posting pictures of seductive cartoon girls in company chat with disrespectful commentary"

It linked the Github profile picture of the developer in Slack. A fully clothed anime girl, nothing particularly lewd about it.

But I like stabbing back a bit, and confusing the fuck out of people in suits:

"Hate to say it, but a good majority of all the code the company runs on, is written by people known as weebs, who use their so called waifus as their GitHub profile picture. It is very common for open source Javascript packages, but since we recruited 50 extra devs it now also happens internally. It's not my thing either sir, but I'm afraid we have to embrace it... "

"But what about our female devs? What about Joanna, she's in your team? We have to think of diversity! Our investors are really in to diversity, we can't have a bro culture!"

"Sir, with all due respect, we have super diverse teams without even trying. The problem is... they're all millennials. They grew up on weird memes... and are probably ten steps further in embracing diversity compared to the rest of the company."

"Also, Joanna is the one who drew this particular picture. She's charging a €15 commission for profile pictures... Do you want one of your fursona, sir?"

"What is that?"

"Uh... nevermind. Let's... let's not go there"

Anyone who creates a Facebook Libra account and puts money in it and uses it to buy stuff/for transactions should have their fucking voting rights removed and be submitted to a mental health institution.

Just my personal opinion.

How many ++'s does it take to get a fat cunt avatar?

I feel like I'm living a lie.

Is this a sci/fi shit happening now.

Today after 1 year of taking shit I sat down with my manager and completely tore the whole fucking company apart.

I absolutely slammed my colleagues, obliterated my team lead, went on and on about how no one understands the basics and how everything we have is copy paste procedural code and the only way to fix what we have is to delete it. I then insinuated I want to quit because I cba with the struggle anymore.

Result? Fat promotion. Not sure what just happened here lmao.

Toilets and race conditions!

A co-worker asked me what issues multi-threading and shared memory can have. So I explained him that stuff with the lock. He wasn't quite sure whether he got it.

Me: imagine you go to the toilet. You check whether there's enough toilet paper in the stall, and it is. BUT now someone else comes in, does business and uses up all paper. CPUs can do shit very fast, can't they? Yeah and now you're sitting on the bowl, and BAMM out of paper. This wouldn't have happened if you had locked the stall, right?

Him: yeah. And with a single thread?

Me: well if you're alone at home in your appartment, there's no reason to lock the door because there's nobody to interfere.

Him: ah, I see. And if I have two threads, but no shared memory, then it is as if my wife and me are at home with each a toilet of our own, then we don't need to lock either.

Me: exactly!

Python:-
If it looks like a duck,
and it quacks like a duck,
it is a duck

My first contribution to a GitHub project was finally merged to the master branch today! It was just a bug fix but it’s a start!!

This is beyond science 🤣😂

Yepp.. The older you get, the faster the time flies by. Remember how long days used to be when you were 10? How much you used to do then? And now? You barely skim through your emails and it's already lunch time.. And soon after that it's already time to go home, go to sleep. And the next day is the same. Round robin, round robin... And when you think that the pooft-you're-gone moment is approaching faster and faster every year, you wonder what are you leaving behind, to remember you by.. A few dev projects that will drown to oblivion a few years after you're out, a few modules in other projects that will live longer but your code lines will soon be overwritten and forgotten in git's history, where noone ever scrolls to. Your own projects you have never released. Your fam who will remember you until their grandchildren - after that older generations are forgotten...

What is it that will keep people saying your name after you're gone? What significant have you given to the life?

Manager on the meeting room suddenly talking to me:
Coffe2Code, share your screen please to show us the progress.

Me: *minifies all windows fastly and plugs the laptop to the big screen *

Manager : we start with documentation, open the world file that you sent to me.

Me: *opens word*
Word: *freezing on my CV that I was editing for another job application*

Me: ...
Manager: ...

Word: oh everyone seen the CV? cool here your document

What would be your answer to this question? My answer was closing the tab and promising myself to never apply there again.

"I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of widths"

Love for i

!dev

Since Friday whenever I come home my mates are partying, started drinking on Friday and didn’t really stop since.
Still made it to work today but now we’re having pints again.

I should take a break but it’s so much fun.. how bad can it be.. it’s just Guinness.. or how we call it by now „black gold“..

I’m too old to die young anyway🤷‍♂️🥳

Have a good week guys..

Me: *selects text, Ctrl+c*
Me: *places cursor in next text box, Ctrl+v*
Computer: *does nothing*
Me: *selects text again, presses CTRL+C WITH FORCE*
Me: *places cursor in next text box again, presses CTRL+V WITH FORCE*
Computer: *pastes*
Me: "That's what I thought."

The sun is shining, wife is out of town, people are having fun at the beach, there's an outdoor party going on in my neighborhood and I'm full of power.

What a perfect day to port my private projects to TypeScript.

Learning "modern" javascript

Therapist: How do we deal with stress from coding?

Me: Drink more coffee

Therapist: No.

............

What happens when your DevRant score surpasses your Stack Overflow one? Do you ascend to a higher spiritual plane?