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I was looking for about a month for a laptop. Then on this one magical day I open kijiji and see a Toshiba Thinkpad T450s with 20gb of ram, 138 ssd and an i5-6300U cpu going fo 500$ (value 2000+).
My first thought was. Okay. Scam alert. But you know. What if?
So I call up this person. And its a girl who got a pc from her bf, but really she wanted a mac so she is selling it.
This straight up blew my mind. I decided, fuck it. Got 500. Ran to her. Ran a systems check on the laptop. Checked for any attempts at opening it up. Checked the harddrive. Checked the ram. Everything is solid.
Long story short. Thank god for apple fangirls!32 -
note to self: do not use super glue on your keyboard
note to self part two: do not listen to the internet and use nail polish remover to get super glue off your keyboard
14 -
My fiancée was complaining about how one of her classes at the University requires using a PC to run some obscure program so she would have to study in the library as she has a Mac. I asked if she wanted me to spin up a Windows VM. After explaining what that means she freaked out saying "You can do that?!". Yes. Because I am part God.10
-
Joker: If you are good at something don’t do it for free
Me: (thinking) How much shall I charge to introduce bugs into someone’s code? 🤣3 -
I spent about 5 hours today coding and I was totally in the zone. I'm talking things were working properly, tests were passing, bugs were being squashed all over the place. It was completely amazing, I felt like a god ruling over my code kingdom.
After about 5 straight hours I realized that I needed food so I got up, stretched my legs and had some dinner. Well I sat back down about an hour ago and I am SO far out of the zone. Everything is breaking, I can't focus and I have no idea why. My kingdom was overrun with a plague of bugs in just the short time I paused to eat.
Moral of the story: when you get in the zone don't stop for anything even if it seems like basic human necessity. After all we aren't human when we're in the zone, we are coding gods.7 -
When I hear sales guy using technical terms in the wrong context while doing his sales pitch to a client...
2 -
Seriously fuck mandatory security questions, these are my options:
What year did you meet your spouse?
I'm single.
What is your favorite book as a child?
I didn't have a favorite book. (and still, don't)
In which city did you meet your spouse?
I'm single
What is the first name of the first person you went to prom with?
Didn't go to prom.
Which state did you first visit (outside of your birth state)?
I've been to about 43 states and can't remember when I started traveling, how the fuck am I supposed to know?
In which city was your spouse born?
Again I'm single.
In which city did your oldest sibling get married?
I don't have any siblings.
C'mon, at least let me create my own question because right now I have no choice but to make up random shit and write it down in LastPass as a note.5 -
Went to an interview for the position ‘PHP Web Developer’. Interviewer scans through my CV for 2mins and then starts the interview.
Interviewer: Do you know Java?
Me: I know Java but I don’t have any professional experience
Interviewer: Do you know Hadoop?
Me: No. I’ve never worked on it
Interviewer: Our company works on Hadoop hence you should be able to work on that after joining.
Me: I thought this is a PHP web dev position.
Interviewer: Of course. But you will have work on various other things too!
Me: I don’t think I want to become jack of all trades. Thanks for the opportunity!
I got up and left the interview...7 -
Guess who just pushed a whole week's work straight into production without a single damn test and everything works fine?😎😎😎19
-
With all this emoji code bullshit flying around in here.
I thought I would test my luck and make what I think would be the worst possible end result of this.
<?php
define("😂","God help me");
define("🤡",100);
for($🍔 = 0; $🍔 <= 🤡; $🍔++){
echo 😂."\n";
}
?>
This will execute and run on PHP7.1 😱
Now let’s all band together and kill emojicode before it becomes a thing we will regret!11 -
So I was looking for mod for Payday 2, when suddenly I've bumped into this video with this beautiful color scheme
15 -
I was a little startled when I saw posts with images of google searches with "programmers are..."
So I tried it for myself.. nothing to worry about
11 -
Client: We need video chatting facility in our website
Me: Ok. But it will take more time and effort. It will cost you more too!
Client: Don't build from scratch. We use Skype in our company. Just embed in our website too!
Me: **facepalm**5 -
So I was studying for a test using a quizlet my social studies teacher made, and I came across this gem. 99% sure my social studies teacher didn't read what it said/understand what it means.
9 -
Just realized I'm commenting about how to summon Cthulhu with regex, while my upvote count is 666...
Őh bøy. Ţhįş įs ÑØŤ ģôíņğ ţø ęňđ węļĺ
6 -
With time, I have come to the realisation that when a person says he knows C++. He's either a noob or god!3
-
I sometimes encounter developers who try to be serious all the time and be super rational at everything and have a pride in never smiling. One time my friend was crying and her dev boyfriend went like "I am a developer and I think rational, the way you think about X........." Dude shut the fuck up and hug her! Nobody gives a fuck about you being a RoboCop right now. The fact that you lack emphaty and emotional capacity doesnt make you a mighty god, it makes you a fucking asshole.4
-
Hunted a bug for 8 hours, thinking it was a problem in my code....
Found out it was someone else's code generator that injected the bug...
Contacted the concerned dev... Had to convince him for another 3 hours that it was his change to the code that caused the issue. He is still sure that his change can't break the code...... What the fuck are you..? A fucking God programmer who never makes mistakes??
I mean how hard is it to just accept when I just proved it to you??6 -
I was given a work to refactor one of my colleagues code and found that there was a variable named 'anal'. I was quite surprised seeing it as the colleague was a soft spoken and well behaved guy in office. After scratching my head for 15mins I came to know that he was storing analytics data in that variable. Hence the name! :-D8
-
I just experienced the opposite of rant.
I spent 1 entire day ranting about a algorithm I couldn't write with no issues, it occupied all my mind and got me pissed of.
And today, I rewrote it entirely, and it works perfectly everywhere.
I was like : "No it can't work here. Oh ok", "And here's the bug ! No ? Nice.", "Don't tell me it'll work here. I'm a God".
That's why I love being a dev :D
Thank you, you freaking problem I had !7 -
Found out that the company I'm currently working, gave me only 6 mandatory holidays for this calendar year. When I asked my boss why is it too low, he got so furious as if I asked him to donate his kidney!10
-
oh god. I just heard an abrupt noise emit from a pc I was told to fix that could only be described as R2-D2 fucking a 56k modem5
-
What is this, windows?? how am i, the software publisher, supposed to change this if you don't bother to give a proper fucking error? whoever created this, i hope you die choking on a goat's intestines
13 -
Why must I always have great ideas for my projects and have the code in my head when I'm out for dinner with family and drinking, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy11
-
Me and colleague went to coffee shop to work...
C -> colleague
M -> Me
...
C: "do you know what I tell myself when I want to gain the courage to talk to a girl I like?":
M: (gave it some thought) "No what?"
C: "If internet explorer has the courage to ask me to become the default browser! Then what am I afraid of?"
M: "No wonder your relationships are buggy! And full of insecurities!"
2 -
Once upon a time I was program'n, but then the POTATO GOD said unto me, PROGRAM FASTER MY CHILD. And I did so.3
-
This is how I feel while coding a system whitout tdd or any kind of tests, and it's the company's major system... Anyone else?
4 -
Developers are not normal humans,,
They are tiny Gods, who run the virtual world.
Yes or no?
Write in comments!7 -
I've taken over a project with legacy code, this is one of the methods:
private bool areEqual(string value1, string value2)
{
return value1 == value2;
}
Also, the opening brackets are on a new line10 -
I know I shouldn't, but I had to laugh: "Does anyone know if the 'localhost' server is running? And could someone turn it on if it's down? I tried to connect but couldn't get through..."4
-
Continuation of rant https://devrant.com/rants/975261/...
I PASSED THE TEST!!!!! YEAHHHHH
Now only an interview left. Please....
If i fail this interview, no more tries.
Wish me luck.
From this point, all personal projects and requests will stop.7 -
If programmers became musicians we would see
- Wake me up when my build ends, 21 cores, Boulevard of broken CI pipelines by Blue Screen Day
- Smoke from my cabinet by Deep For-Loop
- This is how you debug me by Loopback
- Post-release rhapsody by debug queen
- Another bug in the code by Programmer Floyd
- Smells like bad code by Coders from Botswana
- A place for my code, Cure for the bug by Likin to code at dark
etc etc..5 -
Hah!
I just broke my record and generated (not exported or imported) the biggest SQL file!
A massive 15.7GB SQL file monster.
I hope the import will go well.6 -
I installed ArchLinux on my smartphone thanks to termux, and now i kinda feel like a god, but don't know what to do.
I'm bored.
13 -
Things that give me chills early in the morning. A password reset email that contains my password in plain text.
Seriously! 🤦♂️
1 -
The new Android 8 Smileys are extremely ugly. The ones before weren't that great but not that bad...
11 -
> creates new PR for open source project
> runs tests locally before pushing
> pushes
> waits 8h (not kidding) for appveyor checks to complete
> tests failed
MOTHERF- -
Check out the revision history of this ~humble~ answer in stackoverflow for a good laugh: http://stackoverflow.com/posts/...
2 -
This gem of a game. Partly cause i'm a contributor, partly cause i'm a space junkie.
Is this advertising? maybe.
Am i in love? definitely.
7 -
These fucking nitwits who write on a non-stackoverflow site that they "solved it", without giving any clue whatsofuckingever about how they actually solved the problem, can all go take a shower in perchloric acid mixed with 2 days old hobo piss.1
-
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU ???
Galaxy S8 5.8" Quad HD+ Super AMOLED (2960x1440)
570 ppi
Galaxy S8+ 6.2" Quad HD+ Super AMOLED (2960x1440)
529 ppi
oh my fucking god, what kind of retard decided this ?
This resolution is waaaaay too much. It impacts performance and battery life a fuck ton and gives you absolutely nothing in return. I would be cordially surprised if there was someone in the world who could see more than 400 ppi. 300 is more than enough for most of the people.
God these fucks are annoying with their retarded marketing. And even more so, the people who buy these phones, because phone manufacturers can and will continue doing so.
Flagship my ass.15 -
Recently started at a new job. Things were going fine, getting along with everyone, everything seems good and running smoothly, a few odd things here and there but for the most part fine.
Then I decided to take a look at our (public facing) website... What's this? Outdated plugins from 2013? Okay, that's an easy fix I guess? All of these are free and the way we're using them wouldn't require a lot of refactoring...
Apparently not. Apparently, we can't even update them ourselves, we have to request that an external company does it (which we pay, by the way, SHITELOADS of money to). A week goes past, and we finally get a response.
No, we won't update it, you'll have to pay for it. Doesn't matter that there's a CVE list a bloody mile long and straight up no input validation in several areas, doesn't matter that tens of thousands of users are at risk, pay us or it stays broken. Boggles the fuckin' mind.
I dug into it a bit more than I probably should have (didn't break no laws though I'm not a complete dumbass, I just work for em) and it turns out it's not just us getting fucked over, it's literally EVERYONE using their service which is the vast majority of people within the industry in my country. It also turns out that the entirety of our region is running off a single bloody IP which if you do a quick search on shodan for, you guessed it, also has a CVE list pop up a fuckin' mile long. Don't get me started on password security (there is none). I hate this, there's fucking nothing I can do and everyone else is just fine sitting on their hands because "nobody would target us because we're not a bank!!", as if it bloody matters and as if peoples names, addresses, phone numbers and assuming someone got into our actual database, which wouldn't be a fuckin' stretch of the imagination let me tell you, far more personal details, that these aren't enticing to anyone.
What would you do in my situation?
What can I even do?
I don't want to piss anyone senior off but honestly, I'm thinkin' they might deserve it. I mean yeah there's nothing we can do but at least make a fuss 'cause they ain't gunna listen to my green ass.10 -
doNotMessWithITTeamInAFuckingProject();
Last night me with my team have a discussion with my project team. Currently we have a project for our insurance client building a Learning Management System. The project condition already messed up since the first day i join a meeting. Because since its a consortium project with multiple company involved, one of company had a bad experience with another company. It happened few years back when both of company were somehow break up badly because miss communication (i heard this from one of my team).
Skip..skip... And then day to day like another stereotype IT projects when client and business analyst doing requirements gathering, the specs seems unclear and keep changing day by day even when I type this rant I'm sure it will change again.
Then something happened last night when my team leader force our business analyst to re index the use case number (imho) this is no need to be done, and i know the field conditions its so tough for all team members.
So many problems occured, actually this is a boring problem like lack of dev resource, lack of project management and all other stereotype IT projects had. Its sucks why this things is happening again.
Finally my fellow business analyst type a quite long message in our group and said that he maybe quit because its too tired and he felt that the leader only know about push push pushhhhhy fcking pussy, he never go to the client site and look what we've done and what we struggle so far.
I just don't know why, i know this guy earlier was an IT geek also, but when he leading a team he act like he never done IT project before, just know about pushing people without knowing what the context and sound to me like just rage push!
Damnit, i maybe quit also, you know we IT guy never affraid to quit anytime from the messed up condition like this. Even though we were at the bottom level in a project, but we hold the most main key for development.
Hope he (my leader) read this rant. And can realize what happened and fix this broken situation. I don't know what to say again, im in steady mode to quit anytime if something chaos happen nearly in the future.
doNotMessWithITTeamInAFuckingProject();
1 -
Found this gem 😂
TRANSLATION
Java for believing programmers
For who?
Young male,
which want to pray together,
and at the same time make first
steps in programming
How old you need to be?
Up to 25 years
What do you need?
Holy Bible
Laptop
*you just need 500 mb RAM and WinXP
6 -
What to do with a web development intern who doesn't understand the concept of git even after 3 weeks of joining?
PS: Can't fire her21 -
Any people in south Florida that are affected by the hurricane? How are you guys doing? Stay safe and don't forget to push your code.
-
FUCK. This person who I have to avoid at social gatherings because I find him insufferably annoying is applying to my workplace and oh my God I hope I never have to work with him, at least the company is 700 people so the odds are relatively low?
Uggggg he's the worst. And I'm so easy going. There's like two people I feel this way about (fortunately the other lives in a different city).9 -
That moment when you have refactored so much shit, then really broken the project, but can't see yourself doing a git revert because you had invested so much time and know ultimately it *needs* these changes...
Thank god I fixed it! 😌3 -
When you push seemingly harmless untested code to production server which breaks the whole application...
2 -
Grable its fucking bullshit and its slow as hell but ohh well i must use it for android.
And one library for sound in C was too fucking slow and complex as hell. -
Programming commandment: Thou shall, from time to time look at your old code, introspect and improve!
-
1. Understand APIs without reading documentation.
2. Write correct code from first try.
3. Know to program in every language.
4. Create the perfect fully functional AI system.
5. Center objects vertically with one line CSS at target object.3 -
So, I have this little USB Stick with a Kali Linux Partition on it which I use for school. (I boot up from the USB instead of the installed windows, so I have all my personal data everywhere I go)
But somehow I forgot the USB in class last week... 😭
Today I'll ask the teacher if he found anything. Wish me luck!5 -
If god was a programmer, do you think he made us like
int sex = rand()% 2+1;
if (sex == 1){
std::cout << “it’s a girl!”;
}
else if (sex == 2){
std::cout << “its a boy!”;
}17 -
!rant
To the Devs at OnePlus,
Who ever wrote the code that lets me swap the 'back' and 'show recent apps' buttons so they're like my old phone.... You're a fucking god1 -
I have code convention OCD.
My team really fucked up the code with their different indentation styles, and it really makes me want to kill them!! 😡😡😠4 -
when you find a tool or library that does exactly what you need, but it's not documented at all
or worse, when it's "cross-platform" but all the build/install steps are made assuming you're using a Mac
"brew install my-shiny-metal-ass"3 -
Why are all the feminists silent who support equality between genders regarding the Jeff Bezos case? They should suggest her to be independent and not take her husbands assets right? 🤔🤔21
-
As long as the couch does what it should and is stable, I think it's a good code. Programming means knowing what the computer does before it knows it.
Heaven for programmers:
2 -
FUCKING WINDOWS DECIDES TO UPDATE WHEN I HAVE 6 PROGRAMS OPEN AND NOT EVEN SAVED EVERYTHING.
10+ chrome tabs with research pages that are irrecoverable.
That when I leave for a couple of minutes to take a brake. I'm not even notified beforehand.
I'm fine tho which is nice. Gonna cry and sleep now to work hard again tomorrow.10 -
In just one week I have to make two presentations for my class, first one talk about open source and why everyone should use it and in the second one I have to explain how Git works and why it is so helpful for common projects.
It feels like God gave me an essential mission for life2 -
Out of all my Chrome extensions, the one that changes every mention of God to Nicolas Cage is propably the one I am the happiest with1
-
Just fucked up two times in one week.
I was supposed to send alpha version of our app and also server configuration. I ended up sending configuration for completelly different server.
In second delivery i included correct configuration but forgot to include some jars ...1 -
Found this on Facebook... Should I be the one to tell them that apple didn't invent emoji and that the flags are all of countries?
I'm Australian and respect our natives but... Really?
14 -
who ever this is, you're spam. first off, i've been on devRant for almost three years now, so i'm not a newbie. second, you're a bot made for the sole purpose of giving ++'s, which is like the dictionary definition of spam. i think you should be banned, and i'd like to hear dfox and other's opinion on this.
51 -
Fucking shit i just had a 3 days chat with google's cloud engineer about an issue i had in a project. eventually the issue occured due to an update they made on some projects involving IAM changes that required some changes from my part in my security toles. Like wtf haven't you heard of data fixes when you roll out such changes?! I just had my production env down for 72hours for their fuckup.
At least send an email regarding it so we could set it up in time1 -
This happened 3 years ago in my previous company. It was a small start up company and we worked on PHP stack. One of the its ex-founders had written Windows Mobile App which now had to be upgraded with new features. So we hired this new dot net guy. I always thought dot net guys were ELITE coders and was excited to see how they work.
While I played Xbox and had fun, our dot net guy stuck to his workstation furiously working. My boss who was casually strolling out of his office for a stretch saw dot net guy working hard and suggested we all developers should take him as an example.
20 days went by and each day the dot net guy did the same. He came, he silently worked on his workstation, he left in the evening. In those 20 days my boss asked twice to the dot net guy if he has finished features he was assigned but he said he did not. After a month when he said the same negative answer and had nothing to show for the work he has done he was fired.
I was so curious to see what code that ELITE coder had written for a month but could not deliver a feature(Maybe some error he could not fix?). So I open the code repo on which he worked and I see 30 commits from that guy to it. He had made a single commit each day(Fair enough he wants to commit everday before leaving). It was time to check his commit diffs to see his ELITE code. What do I find? In every fucking commit he either added a blank line to the DocBlock or removed the same. Nothing less nothing more! So much for the hyped not-so-ELITE dot net guy...1 -
Programming commandment: Thou shall not commit code snippet copied from StackOverflow without adding a comment to help future coder brethren!
-
Having a job helps a lot when you've just had a really bad breakup. The work distracts you from the shit you're going through for at least 10 hours everyday. But the weekends become really depressing.3
-
These days programming has boiled down to how optimally can you find solution to your problem using search tools!2
-
Colleague: We need to deliver it today so let's hardcode some values in the code to make it work
Me: Ok you do it. I don't even want to see it!
3 -
You know what really grinds my gears? HTML.
Specifically the fact that browsers report no errors at all when it comes to HTML. They just try their best to render what they're given and if you get unexpected results? Fuck you.
12 -
This summer, i will have all the time in the world. I will be finally free (as in, alone at home). And, most importantly, i will have a months old kitten to take care of.
I'm so excited.13 -
Programming commandment: Thou shall blame all bad code on thy comrade who has bequeathed your company!2
-
I tried so hard and debugged so far
But in the end it didn't even matter
As I rewrote function call to loose it all!1 -
Boss: hey can you loop through all the entries in the data base (PHP) to make a menu of everything?
Me: me sure thing, shouldn't be a problem
10 min in playing with the database...and I remove the table...FUCK ME?!!??!!!
good thing we backed up the night before 😂😂1 -
God hail @ScribeofGod to comment the following link on all rants mentioning about ++ conversion to binary 😂😂
https://devrant.com/rants/1311206/...2 -
I think God is a developer. I have to say a most impressive feat, even for God, is the idiot algorithm. It has persisted through millennia of attempts to remove it, but it just keeps refining itself. While it's incredibly brief, its functions are yet to find an environment in which they cannot operate. It's full adaptable to any task, impressively modular, and self replicating.
No matter how what problem you present it with the idiot algorithm can always find a solution. It never leaves well enough alone. It can even give you an answer before everything is fully processed!4 -
I UNDERSTAND POINTERS (kind of) HAHAHAHA NOW I JUST NEED TO KNOW HOW TO USE THEM AND I WILL BE UNSTOPPABLE18
-
what kind of dumb fuck you have to be to get the react js dev job in company that has agile processes if you hate the JS all the way along with refusing to invest your time to learn about shit you are supposed to do and let's add total lack of understanding how things work, specifically giving zero fucks about agile and mocking it on every occasion and asking stupid questions that are answered in first 5 minutes of reading any blog post about intro to agile processes? Is it to annoy the shit out of others?
On top of that trying to reinvent the wheels for every friggin task with some totally unrelated tech or stack that is not used in the company you work for?
and solution is always half-assed and I always find flaw in it by just looking at it as there are tons of battle-tested solutions or patterns that are better by 100 miles regarding ease of use, security and optimization.
classic php/mysql backend issues - "ooh, the java has garbage collector" - i don't give a fuck about java at this company, give me friggin php solution - 'ooh, that issue in python/haskel/C#/LUA/basically any other prog language is resolved totally different and it looks better!' - well it seems that he knows everything besides php!
Yeah we will change all the fucking tech we use in this huge ass app because your inability to learn to focus on the friggin problem in the friggin language you got the job for.
Guy works with react, asked about thoughts on react - 'i hope it cease to exists along with whole JS ecosystem as soon as possible, because JS is weird'. Great, why did you fucking applied for the job in the first place if it pushes all of your wrong buttons!
Fucking rockstar/ninja developers! (and I don't mean on actual 'rockstar' language devs).
Also constantly talks about game development and we are developing web-related suite of apps, so why the fuck did you even applied? why?
I just hate that attitude of mocking everything and everyone along with the 'god complex' without really contributing with any constructive feedback combined with half-assed doing something that someone before him already mastered and on top of that pretending that is on the same level, but mainly acting as at least 2 levels above, alas in reality just produces bolognese that everybody has to clean up later.
When someone gives constructive feedback with lenghty argument why and how that solution is wrong on so many levels, pulls the 'well, i'm still learning that' card.
If I as code monkey can learn something in 2 friggin days including good practices and most of crazy intricacies about that new thing, you as a programmer god should be able to learn it in 2 fucking hours!
Fucking arrogant pricks!8 -
God is always watching you!
Excuse me, but isn't that a violation of my privacy? Or is God, the NSA? Or is NSA, the God?12 -
just bought (rented) my first dedicated server, for flipping 10€/month. let's see how it goes! boy, am i excited for my new toy...5
-
Winforms.
Thanks to my school I was introduced to this shit and by George is it some of the most unintuitive crap I've ever used.
The drag and drop shit should be fine, but oh if ever you doubleclick on something it will add a [name]_click method, and if you think you can just remove it fuck you!
Then there's the fact that splitting stuff up is unintuitive as hell as well. That is, you can't. You can define areas you can show and hide, and then you can drag stuff into them. That should be fine but everything is still in the same page (and if you have stuff overlapping then you better not move it with your mouse because then it will belong to another of those things). Contrast that with the more ~~~complicated~~~ and ~~~not what we learn~~~ WPF which has frames where the content can be define in different files.
Oh but if thatt wasn't enough, the autogenerated code is horrible as hell.
I died a little inside when I learned someone decided to take it to the web as well D:
https://i.imgur.com/NL5ggIc.png
6 -
Ransomware has the effect to destroying data and my will to live.
I come in to work yesterday to see everyone panicking. We got hit by WannaCry. The boss is with IT dealing with it and sends all of us home. No biggie, since all of my work data is backed up on an offsite server.
I come back into work to still see everyone in a frenzy. I think they are still overreacting to the attack, so I go to my corner in the office. I boot up to see the Ubuntu logo, which is a huge problem, not for me of course, but for everyone else who can barely work Windows. I barge in on my boss and ask him why the fuck is Ubuntu on the PC's.
He replies, "I looked it up, Linux is not affected by viruses".
What the fuck is wrong with people? After I tell him to revert back to Windows because he's being a fucking retard, he goes ahead to send all of us home.
I can only hope he doesn't install Zorin or Elementary because I will quit.6 -
I heard you guys do rubber duck debugging or something.
So I remember, several months ago I visited some town and bought this Ganesha (Hindu deity) figure from a local store.
I decide to put it on my desk until I get my rubber duck.
And surprisingly, I don't swear a lot today... Probably this god has just fix my manners....
9 -
Today I met a guy who fuckin remembers some shitty flag he had set in a code 10 years ago and can read code in his brain for anything he had coded.
Fuck you ass hole you got be shitting me, oh come on show me something fucker. You make me sick.8 -
The feeling, when you learn about a new feature of the language, you've used for over 6 months.
The joy of learning something new,cool and useful mixed the pain, of knowing, you could have written your previous projects easier.3 -
Oh my god. I woke up and read stan lee was rushed to the hospital. I was actually feeling horribly sad and then I read that he was in stable condition and was like heck yeah!!! No one taking him yet.
-
Like who the hell invented that work days start at 8 am? Can people actually concentrate from the moment they arrive at work? For me it is 9 am till I get some work done14
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Was going through old photos from university time and...I present to you the result of deadline + lack of sleep + boredom + shitty university project because somebody decided that CS folks needed to learn webdev in old ASP.NET.
Yes that is one query. I wrote the entire thing out as a string in my C# program in one go and tested it by running it from the program. Must've worked properly because I got them grades so eh. I recall I had one nested seven levels too (this is just 5) but I can't find a photo of it. These two queries did all the business logic. Yeah.
Apologies for the poor quality photo of the screen, I don't have the code so no screenshot, this is just from my photos archive
5 -
This is a story of how I did a hard thing in bash:
I need to extract all files with extension .nco from a disk. I don't want to use the GUI (which only works on windows). And I don't want to install any new programs. NCO files are basically like zip files.
Problem 1: The file headers (or something) is broken and 7zip (7z) can only extract it if has .zip extension
Problem 2: find command gives me relative to the disk path and starts with . (a dot)
Solution: Use sed to delete dot. Use sed to convert to full path. Save to file. Load lines from file and for each one, cp to ~/Desktop/file.zip then && 7z e ~/Desktop/file.zip -oOutputDir (Extract file to OutputDir).
Problem 3: Most filenames contain a whitespace. cp doesn't work when given the path wrapped in quotes.
Patch: Use bash parameter substitution to change whitespace to \whitespace.
(Note: I found it easier to apply sed one after another than to put it all in one command)
Why the fuck would anyone compress 345 images into their own archive used by an uncommon windows-only paid back-up tool?
Little me (12 years old) knowing nothing about compression or backup or common software decided to use the already installed shitty program.
This is a big deal for me because it's really the first time I string so many cool commands to achieve desired results in bash (been using Ubuntu for half a year now). Funny thing is the images uncompressed are 4.7GB and the raw files are about 1.4GB so I would have been better off not doing anything at all.
Full command:
find -type f -name "*.nco" |
sed 's/\(^./\)/\1/' |
sed 's/.*/\/media\/mitiko\/2011-2014_1&/' > unescaped-paths.txt
cat unescaped-paths.txt | while read line; do echo "${line// /\\ }" >> escaped-paths.txt; done
rm unescaped-paths.txt
cat escaped-paths.txt | while read line; do (echo "$line" | grep -Eq .*[^db].nco) && echo "$line" >> paths.txt; done
rm escaped-paths.txt
cat paths.txt | while read line; do cp $line ~/Desktop/file.zip && 7z e ~/Desktop/file.zip -oImages >/dev/null; done3 -
My god, using a VM on a 4k monitor is fucking nuts. The cursor's a fucking speck and the text is tiny as well. Jesus, XP is impossible to use like that!10
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I just have been with my kid to a doctor. Got some meds and was ordered to pray to the god, was almost dragged into discussion after saying that this comment was improperiate.
Somebody just criticized me about bringing politics into discussion.
I'm from POLand.4 -
Checking out a project on GitHub:
> Using advanced condition-based AI logic, Compactor can skip over files that have been previously found to be incompressible, making re-running Compactor on a previously compressed folder much quicker.
> (Yes, it's an if statement and a trivial hash database, hush)
2 -
Last month my phone (YU YUPHORIA) stopped booting up.. so I went the "customer service center" and asked the guy maybe he can install new software. He tried and said we can't repair it.
I love this phone not the best performance phone but I love it. So I don't want to throw it away. So yesterday night I started searching how to install custom ROMs. and found a development mode build for my device. After some tutorials and experiment it's up and running baby... 📱😍. Thank you internet for helping me..1 -
A coder and a non-coder were travelling on a boat together. Due to some reason there was a hole in that boat and it started to drown. Non-coder survived but coder didn't. Why? Coder thought it was just another loop hole which he could fix using his laptop. So much for his confidence!3
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Spent 2 hours trying get ng-model working with <select> with no success. Then co worker came and changed model from string to object and moon walked back to his seat.5
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ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME, WINDOWS?
I finally give in and install your stupid ass update, and what happens? let's just skip the part where i sit around for 30 minutes because apparently it takes 30 fucking minutes to install 300MB - by stallman's underpants, that's 150KB per second!
and when windows FINALLY feels like it has finished fondling it's binary-balls, what is waiting for me?
about 10 stupid-ass data-consent notices straight from satans anus, more weird yes-or-maybe settings for cortana (bill gates' ex or whatever that is) which i don't even USE, my browser speed dial has been complemented by about 7 links to SHOPPING SITES and once i sort that mess out i get a notification that the german language pack has successfully been installed.
SUCK MY FUCKING D*CK MICROSOFT, the ONLY thing i want to do with that language pack is SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS. i can't even uninstall that moronic piece of shit. FUCK YOU.2 -
Worst interview was when I attended interview for the position of PHP and the interviewer started grinding me with C++ questions starting with STLs. Could not answer most of them, interviewer said to get my act together and try again after 3 months. Nope not gonna happen!
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Ok this is a weird story.
So myself and two friends were working on a chrome extension several years ago, probably late high school/early college years.
So before any of us had seen the ballmer peak xkcd, I had discovered it on my own. I was telling my friend that we should start drinking because a)it's Saturday night, and b) I code better buzzed. So he decided to push the limits. He poured my drink super heavy, then another, then didn't finish his and insisted I did. He ended up getting me super drunk. I started going off on how they were doing it wrong, then took over the keyboard. What I wrote cannot even be considered code. I went on an incoherent rant, puked in a trash can, and then woke up in the bathroom with a towel as a pillow.
And that's the story of why my friends are convinced the ballmer peak is definitely not a thing.1 -
Trying out pure functional programming in javascript. First few weeks: wow, this is so fresh, oop can die, etc. Now: this isn't readable at all! 😐5
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So I actually got an update for my PC at work, proposing me to postpone it or to do it later. I postpone it to one hour later, since I'll be buying food for lunch, it can update and reboot.
When I came back from lunch, laptop is asking me to postpone or do the update right now. So I sigh because the laptop just stayed locked without doing anything, and ask it to do the update in 4 hours, when I'll be leaving.
2 minutes later, it forces me to update with the "30 min left before rebooting", so I sigh again, closes everything and reboot.
Since it's a Windows, it's slow on booting by definition. Plus launching Slack, Eclipse, Firefox, VLC. Takes time. Plus launching the server. +1000 files to compile then deploying.
I lost 20 minutes because of that edgy bitch called "update".3 -
I was an introvert while growing up hence I found interacting with non-living things easier. When I was 11 i.e. like 17 years I told my parents to enroll me into computer classes. They didn't see much of a future in it so they refused. I fought hard and finally they agreed. Hence started my journey with computers.
First week all students were allowed to explore the computer we were assigned and also were taught to play basic Windows 95 default games to make it interesting. It was all fun. Next week the teacher said he would be teaching us how to tell computer to do what we want i.e. programming. Hearing that I could make my computer do what I want excited me a lot. I felt I could finally communicate to a computer. This is how I learnt BASIC. I was so amazed I could do so many things like take input and do calculations etc. I decided I would do this kind of job in the future if it exists.
So now I am actually doing what I wanted to do when I started programming i.e. coding job!1 -
I was kinda proud, when I released a new test version of my android app, since I had a couple of new features and bug fixes. As soon as I told a friend of mine about it he found a error that has never occured before in the method. This only happens in the release build. Why does it happen? BECAUSE SOME DAMM VIEWS WANT TO BE INITIALIZED AFTER DAMM THE APP HAS BEEN PAUSED/MINIMIZED1
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This is the 5th time I'm going to a meeting to explain this simple detail.
Yes what you want is doable however, To do this we need to revamp another system which will require its own project to do.
This shit here is why your jobs are getting automated. -
You know your day is gonna be bad when it's Monday and you are told to work on a badly written legacy flash application!
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When an intern gives me suggestions on technology stack to use for the new application I'm building...
4 -
That moment when another dev has no idea what he is talking about but tries to convince you that what he says is the best way to do things.
How did it all ended up here?2 -
This class adheres to the single responsibility principle: it is singularly responsible for the entire application.
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!rant
I'm working on a open source project and I have a game that I can occasionally play.
What else could I possibly ask?4 -
"Whenever there is a decline in quality of code and rise of bugs and errors oh dear coder, I manifest to show the path of bug and error free coding" said code-god
- Chapter 1 Verse 1, Code Gita -
be me, just casually watching a cs:go fragmovie. there's always 10 seconds of ads before those, so i use the time to sip some coffee. at that second, i hear the following words..
"The first ever blockchain gaming marketplace in history"
...now i need to clean my keyboard. -
If you believe in God then you should afraid of AI. Because things you create doesn't mean it won't destroy your other creations.3
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When I first started getting interest in server side programming, I remember I felt like god with all those possibilities!
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Basically an IMDb clone that reads my IMDb watchlist. I can add counts to it though (i.e. I watched a movie 10 times). Every day it runs runs the changes of that day through the OMDb API and then shows the amount of time I could've spent not watching movies on a dashboard.
Currently I've spent almost 10% of my life watching movies and series. Dear lord. Why did I make this.5 -
!rant
I don't want to seem like a huge noob and a douche... but I spent like 5 hours the other day working on a bash script prompting you if you want to delete each individual user on the system (keep in mind that I'm fairly new to bash) and when I got the code correct... holy shit... I felt like a fucking god.1 -
Bruh....ig this is a bit too much but relatable to real life...
God is the best programmer....
lol
5 -
Dreamed about fixing an unsolvable bug in some code that made absolutely zero fucking sense and woke up with a fucking migraine.
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Hey google, stop automatically opening apps after they are updated on my android. It makes me want to kill somebody 😡6
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Helped a colleague today with finding the reason why everything was lowercase after a release. Turns out another colleague made a SQL upgrade script two months ago the did REPLACE(lower(value)... Found it in 10 minutes, saved a lot of time on debugging and still got scolded for working to long on another ticket...
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It is Monday 1:22PM here and what is on my mind? Sleeping. I freaking want to sleep right now.
What the hell do I do to keep awake #_#7 -
Now then... where do I begin 😐
TLDR - fuck charity
A bit of backstory first, I was in my first year of college when I started this project for this charity.
It started in December of last year, my tutor approached me and asked if I’d like a project to work on, for my portfolio and what not, I agreed as I thought it would be a great opportunity. Saying yes to that question is my biggest regret so far. Oh boy the pain it has caused me.
The projected started a few days after I agreed. The stack and stuff was already agreed upon by my tutors higher ups. The stack was Wordpress and a theme called ‘X theme’ I understand the use for Wordpress, they are a non tech savvy client, it will be easy for them to manage.
The project was to basically modernise the current site the charity had, simple task you might think... ohhhh no. We agreed upon a deadline, January of 2017 (spoiler, we didn’t make that headline). However the charity wanted change, after change, after change, after change, after fucking change. Every time I’d show them the new revision it was never right, they’d always want another change.
Once we hit the deadline I asked my tutor if we could just drop it. His higher ups said we had to keep going (I could of abandoned my tutor and left him to do it but I’m not a prick). Anyway, we are now in November of 2017, a whole fucking year later and the site has only just been handed off. A WHOLE FUCKING YEAR OF THIS MOTHER FUCKING COCK SUCKING PRICK WHO WOULDN’T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.
Please may god be with me as we have to provide support for this site 😥😥
If anyone’s really curious as to which charity it is or the site. I’ll post it in the comments if you ask nicely enough6 -
15 years back when I was in my highschool I was taught HTML. I created a 3x3 table of images with border without using any CSS while other kids were looking around confused what to do. Opened the same in IE and felt I was a professional web developer. Simpler times!1
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Half a year or so ago I threw together a quick site for an old teacher of mine. Got a bit of cash for it and all was good. Now he needs a few changes, plus a whole new interactive page. Oh well... I restructured the whole thing and wrote a bare bones templating system in PHP. It can parse markdown files, so now he can fix his own fucking spelling errors. So now the shitty piece of crap is maintainable. Thanks fucking God for that.
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Hot reload blows my mind. It's so good, time efficient and beautiful. Why doesn't those pesky doorsaledmen advertise this?
Jehovas witnesses are praying to the wrong God! -
Having fun looking at android developer struggling to replicate 'str_split()' function from PHP in Java :-D3
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i'm afraid that having discovered the power of multithreading has made my code worse.
case in point: me has to calculate an unknown 3rd point of an equilateral triangle many, many times. however, me doesn't get the formula, so me goes ahead and loops over all possible coordinates until it finds the correct one.
yep, it's definitely gotten worse.2 -
What if all devs worked together to create a programmed God which only obeys devs? And hates bosses....
I think we can do it guys!
Ps. Bagsie not dealing with merge conflicts.10 -
Oh god why!?
Somehow I decided that it would be nice to have a proper spell&grammar checker in VS Code for me and my friends to write our reports in Latex with.
Decided I wanted multiple language support, so I turned to language tool.
GOD is this thing slow as a very unmotivated snail!
3s to process 9 phrases!? And then add one second to pack the results in a JSON string!? An option that I'm still very grateful exists, but why the fuck would you disallow line-by-line processing, which you expressly recommend for IDEs, and which cuts processing time by 30%, when JSON output is asked!?
Well, serves me right for thinking for even a second that a Java program could have decent performance...
This whole thing is starting to look like it's not gonna be nearly as fun ss I anticipated it to be.2 -
I FIGURED IT OUT! PAYPAL EXPRESS CHECKOUT NOW RESIDES UNDER BY REIGN. HAIL ME I'M A FUCKING GENIUS FUCK YE I LOVE PAYPAL HELL THE FUCK YEAH! fuck carrots though
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There are days you feel like a God and there days you have no idea what you are doing in the dev space.
All in all perseverance with a whimsical tone -
qt compilation 2: electric boogaloo.
$ ./configure [dozens of options]
< building qmake, blah blah, success blah blah, run make && make install, blah blah >
$ make -j 8
< works for 5 minutes, then hits an error without telling me what the error is >
$ make -j 8
< works for 5 minutes until the same error. this time i notice it rm's a directory right before using it >
$ make # multithreaded fuckery, perhaps?
< fails after 5 seconds with different error >
$ make -j 2
< same >
$ make clean # fuck it, clean up and try again
< fails after 2 minutes of cleaning >
The C/C++ infrastructure. just everything about it. and i'm not even using dependencies here.2 -
Support Ticket:
"OMG I DON"T SEE THE NEW THING YOU SAID WAS THERE!?!?!!? OH GAWD WHY WHY WHY!!!!"
setTimeout(fuckingActuallyLookThisTime(), 3600000)
"Oh never mind I found it."
God damn people, put some minimal effort in before you fire up tickets and emails or whatever.2 -
There is a serious possibility that our team will need to deploy into prod on a Friday because of a regulatory deadline and 3rd parties not being ready.
God help us -
Spent 3 hours yesterday debugging a process in the business that's tied together with my software. Only to find out they actually meant they were printing to the wrong printer 😥🤔1
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I feel like a fucking god now!
We run a webshop and we are in contract with the national post office. Every time there is an update to their program I fear ahead of time what will be fucked up again.
After today's update we weren't able to open any shippment list we just saw a mile long error message. After the customer care couldn't figure out the problem, and the suggested solution might take up to 2days, and it is basically only a new customer file, i fired up my good old sqlite viewer friend, to chek if I am lucky...
Guess what! That shit is using unsecured sqlite dbs, so i've had no problem examining and even rewriting the values. So checking the logs and scraping the DB I've found the problem.
Apparently some asshole thought that deleting a service but keeping all of its references in other tables scattered around is a good fucking idea. And take it customer care, the new customer file won't fix shit, because it was in the global DB. I swear i am getting more familiar with that piece of garbage then the ones who made it.
On top of that the customer care told us, that if we couldn't manage to send the shippment list with the program we are not elligible for our contractual prices.
It is not enough that I had to fix their fucking shit program, they also "would like to charge us" because their pogram isn't working. What a fucking great service. (At least the lady on the telephone was friendly)1 -
started to rewrite one of my functional-but-horrible projects. after 2 hours i realize i'm starting to use the same kind of "if it works, great" style.
jesus, i need some sleep. -
So IV been spending quite a lot of time recently chasing my new career as a developer. But today I took a step back from everything and realised something quite important. A job title doesn't make you a developer. If you enjoy coding and have a genuine passion for it then you are already a developer. Just keep doing what you enjoy the most and fuck everyone else.
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mfw someone makes completely irrelevant OS-bashing comments in an issue that's barely related to OSs... someone tells him to fuck off... and then he posts a FUCKING PHARELL WILLIAMS VIDEO! ON GITHUB!
i'll go straight back to bed, bye. -
Been searching for an offshore data server for at least 5 fucking hours. There's nothing worse than searching for decent low-end offers outside of europe.5
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The Catholic head-quarters are at the same place as the Mafia's origin.
How do we know that the Catholic is not a Mafia racket?
How do we tell which is older?
Why are their organizational structure so similar?
You know like the God-Father and the Pope.1 -
6 hours at work to find out I needed to supply TaskCreationOptions.LongRunning to one method to fix this error.
As Kenan and Kel would say: WHYYYYYYYY -
!rant
Any links to start learning game server programming using C++? I know network programming using C# currently and built a game server emulator also. I want to start C++ network programming for windows now...8 -
I spent the whole day of yesterday trying to install the windows anniversary update after a clean Windows installation. Every time i tried to update it would go through 30% completion and then... BSOD, claiming that i didnt had a boot device. WUT? Anyway, after 5h of research and no success, i created a bootable usb installer and tried to install Windows 10 Education (which is my license). After the 1st restart... Error: Windows could not complete the installation. OH GOD WHY ME? After another hour i figured it out. Somehow i needed to install the version Windows Home and after the installation update to Student. DAMN WHAT A DAY...2
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to just do my shit, without working for anyone. really, I just want to dwell on my side projects forever.
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Rant story
Software engineering teacher gave me a bunch of topics to elaborate on. One of them was "the idea of black box testing", so I wrote down the idea of black box testing.
Teacher - this is very incomplete, you did not specify what types there are and for which systems they should be used!
Me- But it just says "the idea" and I did write down the idea of it
Teacher- yes, but it is very incomplete
God damn I wanted to punch her face. Some fucking teachers1 -
Why the heck does everyone thnk it's a good idea to run docker Containers inside a vm?
Or Containers in general...
This is unneeded redundancy and it kills the performance aspect, which makes containers favorable in comparison to vms...3 -
This is why i hate android ... look at this REVIEW i received today:
"PLZ WORK ON IT ITS JOR WORK ON FB MESSENGER BEFORE DAYS PLEASE DO SMTHNG" what am i supposed to understand xD, i tried it on my device and my friends one its working like a charm :(3 -
@dfox Quick feature request. Checking for duplicate comment or rant and hiding them. On erratic connections impatient coders like me press submit button multiple times making duplicate posts!10
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When I see a blog post advertising “best practice for _____” but you didn’t write it, and I’m pretty sure I’ve been using it longer than your company has existed” ... I feel angry and don’t trust what you say, even if you’re right. You can share what your experience has been, but nobody died and made you god of the technology.3
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Oh god no anything but this
(Seriously now, the reason is a bit complicated because Swift is different but focus on the meme, if you want an explanation I will give it to you in the comments lol)
3 -
My old school made a youtube channel called:
*SCHOOL NAME* Tech Tips.
With half of the teachers talking about computers. The Teachers are 60/70.3 -
When a junior developer forks new feature branch from his old feature branch and not from develop branch causing merge conflicts later!1
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FOR FUCKS SAKE. I HAVE THE RIGHT URL FOR THE SQL DATABASE. WHY WON'T IT SHOW SAID DATABASE IN THE SERVLET FROM THE URL!!!! It conects to IntelliJ without any issue, so why isn't the servlet running it?
God am I really going to go to stackoverflow for help? I need sleep.3 -
Manual EC2 instances + Elastic load balancer or Elastic beanstalk for a PHP 7 application? I might have some cron jobs to be run too...
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They asked me to maintain the site from our scouting group.
Now all these people think I'm a God, it have to admit it feels good. -
Our DB teacher always told us about God (Codd) doin some Join(t)s. He spoke very slowly. Must have been kinda disturbing for normal people...
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Anyone else having trouble with apt-get install in EC2 instance of region US-East-1? Seems it's too slow currently!
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Need recommendation on which server side language/framework to use along with my new react native app.
Thanks3 -
If A.I steals all dev jobs then I will become physicist and build time machine like in terminator movie ;-)
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If someday god lands on earth, How are we even gonna explain him binary? Won't he need extra tuitions for learning all these concepts?
Or maybe he's just gonna yell fuck this shit, I'm going back home!3 -
Just found this glorious rant about a controversy I completely missed in 2016.
https://eev.ee/blog/2016/... -
Those days when you wake up and realise half the services you're platform relies on went down at 3am and you now have to deal with the aftermath.1
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When you're writing a Perl script and spend 2 hours trying to figure out why it's not working and it turns out that you missed a semi-colon.2
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I just wanna be at the point in the future where I can play drinking sports like disc golf and smoke fat doinks for an entire week if I want to. I want to become a God.1
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What's the moment when you type at god speed?
mine : during vcs commit and push*
*considering not to resolving merge conflict.1 -
when you just want to set up a tiny automation and end up compiling a custom snap package for 3 hours...1
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