After working with web development for years, I decided to get a degree in CS.

The lecturer taught so many things wrongly, and I kept arresting him. Eventually he asked me politely to leave class.

PHP's lack of consistence in naming conventions with built-in functions. For example, str_split() and strlen().

Compiling it on any other platform than linux

Dude you've been in college for 4 years and you still don't know how to make a for loop in C. Why are you still here?!! I hate it when I have to carry 2-4 of these people every semester because of "group projects"!

America runs on Dunkin, Toronto runs on Debian

Has anyone told themselves they just want to fix one thing, then have it turn out to be writing a whole new class with 385829 lines of code?

*Now that's what I call a Hacker*

MOTHER OF ALL AUTOMATIONS

This seems a long post. but you will definitely +1 the post after reading this.

xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that.

xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy"

xxx: You're gonna love this

xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login.

xxx: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time".

xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am.

xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fuckingcoffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens an SSH session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has SSHD up and running) and sends some weird gibberish to it. Looks binary. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk.

xxx: holy sh*t I'm keeping those

Credit: http://bit.ly/1jcTuTT

The bash scripts weren't bogus, you can find his scripts on the this github URL:
https://github.com/narkoz/...

Every Sublime Text user I know has not registered for it.

Taking my mechanical keyboard to office today. Can't wait to disturb everyone :D

*Evil laugh*

I don't know why people call themselves "Developers" when they really just download a WordPress theme and adds bunch of plugins without touching a single line of code.

What the hell is going on?

I'm going name a table "the bass".
I can now drop the bass.

Best ever gift for thanks giving day...

I hate when this happens:

Me: "I'm a programmer."
Other Guy: "Seriously? Can you fix my printer?"

More of those fun cats here 😂
https://http.cat

For new or young devs

If you think you're like a 8/10 in a language........ you're probably a 2

#newdevs #behumble

Don't forget the WHERE in the DELETE FROM.

You know you're fucked when google returns less than a page of results on your short three word query. The first result is the only question on SO related to your problem un-answered for two years and the rest of them are in Chinese or Russian.

The Linux!!!

Looking at code you wrote 2 months ago....

"Im a wordpress developer"

No you are a human segfault

I can't watch others use a computer.

That's not how you ask google a question.

You're clicking the wrong way.
You click like an idiot.

Why are you scrolling like that? do you hate moving down the page so mutch it makes you scroll like that?

Why am i forced to sit through this?
When will this end?

How to hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders 

1. Go to Desktop and create a new folder
2. Name the folder Internet Explorer
3. Change the folder icon to Internet Explorer
4. Keep it in a corner of the desktop

Now, no one will open internet explorer :D

Pro Tip: You can drastically reduce keystrokes in any editor by using your brain before typing.

Halloween.

Thanks Google. We now have a color picker for hex, rgb and more in the Google Search.

I got my reward stress ball about a week ago, but it vanished within minutes of opening the package 😧

Today I found out who had taken it.

Took an interview today.

Me - What do you think JavaScript is interpreted or compiled.

Guy(5+ years of UI exp) - It's neither of them. It just runs on browser.

At that moment I slowly started fading away into a black hole for the absolute peace and embrace death.

Worst part of being a dev? Thinking up of commit messages.

Which horror franchise freaks you out the most?
-Halloween
-Friday the 13th
-Scream
-Windows

Am I the only one who hates typing $ in php