My daughter will be a software developer (I believe)... she counts from 0 sometimes. :D

I dunno if anyone else has said this here but
FUCK WORDPRESS DOT COM
FUCK WORDPRESS DOT ORG
FUCK WORDPRESS PLUGINS
FUCK THEIR DOCUMENTATION

The only difference between a bug and a feature is the documentation.

friend of mine: "I like my servers like I like my girls"
me: "insecure?"

After four years of debate, the Telecom Authority of India decided that net neutrality will be the official policy of indian telecom. Any form of discrimination or interference in treatment or content like blocking, slowing down or preferential speed is restricted.

Guess they pulled their head outta their arses on this one.

Dear devRant,

when my ++'s finally reach 2^32-1, or let it be 2^64-1, the next inc. will better make it -2^32 or -2^64 because tHAT IS HOW IT WORKS AND THAT IS WHAT I WOULD EXPECT

The ammount of digging I have to do in order to fix something or building the mindset to do something i don't want to.

I have a mental block regarding people telling me what to do. I consider myself a pretty chill dude, but when someone says "do this" my mind automatically goes into "oh fuck that" mode.

I hate being this way, wish I could just switch that shit off and work on what i am told and be done with it.

I can spend all weekend fucking around with php. But the moment someone tells me to do something at work with it I start dreading it

This applies to damn near everything in life except for anything that has to do with my children.

My dad was neglectful as fuck, that itself makes me overly paranoid of making my children feel the same way I did growing up. Just wanted to throw that out.

It seems I did some progress today! Thanks Dr Devrant!
Dr Devrant: tell me about your father
Me: motherfucker sucks camel balls

guys my linux is not booting !
reply:
Find a forest, where no human has ever set foot.
Wait until the full moon rises, and then sacrifice x virgins, where x is the month of the year.
Spill their blood on your device, and wrap in parma ham (if your religion forbids you to make contact with ham, replace it with high quality carpaccio. If you're vegan get youreslf a rope).
Then, build an altar to the gnu God, with feet spelling GPL, and a head that like of a gnu.
When this is done, you shall bow down three times to the altar (thirty if you use tabs), place your wrapped bloody system on the altar, and proceed with dancing on Staying Alive, except you will have adapted the lyrics to your system.
When you are done dancing and chanting, you shall lie down in front of the altar, and you shall not gaze upon your system till daybreak.
Then when the sun rises (sorry if you're in the uk, or one of the poles) you will marvel at your system, thanking the ever potent gnu god forever.

The funniest shit I have ever read 🤣 ... had to share

Aiming for the kitties!!! 😻😻😻
But there's still a long way :D
"believe your goals, even they're far away"

I lost all my data from a terrible accident. By using recovery software over the course of a week (because the computer I had to use to recover it was less than adequate), I managed to recover most data. Upon restoring the data to the SSD, there was numerous corruption issues, strange glitches, etc. I tried running many system recovery tools, repairing the registry, disk check, everything. Today, I could not install Visual Studio Community updates because... it couldn't. It just popped up a blank window and that's it. I tried everything. Eventually, that combined with every other issue I've had, apps not working because of corrupt files and having to reinstall basically everything I've tried to use anyway, I decided to do a clean install.

So I'm waiting for many many many installers, right now. Nanite was only the tip of the ice berg. I guess what I'm trying to say is...

How's everyone doing? :)

When I was in school, people came to me every once in a while, wanting to make a new great MMORPG with destructible terrain and factions.

Then came the guys who wanted to make a new amazing app that will help them fix some minor life inconveniences (like tracking expiry dates on the groceries in your fridge).

And now there are guys who want to make blockchain, IoT and chatbot based startups.

I just want to watch youtube and post shit on the internet. :(

Valve:
*makes good games*
*gets fame and money*
*sells other peoples games*
*announcing future games*
*stops making games*
*sells virtual items for a ridiculous high price*
*get sued for gambling in their games*
---
*getting criticized for not making games*
*people hope*
*devs and writers for their popular games leave*
*people loose hope*
---
*valve experimenting with VR*
*not making games for over 10 years*
*still calling themselves a game developer*
---
*valve buys successful indie game developer*
*valve claims they're making games again*

People on github opening issues saying shit like "aye, your extension crashes. Please fix or I'll uninstall. Thanks.". How am I supposed to fix an error I know nothing about? Error message? Extension list? Stack trace? Steps to reproduce? Nope. Nothing.

Don't be like this, please.

somewhere in this world this happened..

Company lands huge enterprise project
manager: we have a year to get this done.
poor devs : excited and thinks about so much learning with this project it would be.
manager: Lets get work started with (spits planless jargons)...meanwhile another team is working on SRS.
poor devs: So we are doing R&D right..(excited)
manager: No we have a demo scheduled after 15days.
poor devs: What??
manager: Get on it..we need something to show on demo.
poor devs: no words spoken

...after one year of unplanned demos...
manager: we have to stablize project..UAT is nearing.
one of brave poor devs: No no..lets focus on demo...why do you need a stable product.
manager: instant rage

Does anyone here just wake up and feel shitty for absolutely no reason why ? When I say absolutely no reason means none whatseover from previous day etc . I wanna know if it's just me 😅

I love you devRant

I'm heading to bed here pretty quickly, but before I lay down I just wanted to say something.

I've been a long time lurker, but have just recently registered as a member. Whenever I get a chance to, I have the urge to open up devRant and take a scroll through recent posts. You guys are the best, and give me something to chuckle at. It's just really great and refreshing to find a community that is supportive, and full of so many inspiring people. It's like Shangri-La - the hidden community that you always knew existed, but could never find

Dad: Why are you learning brainfuck
ME: --[----->+<]>----.+++.--.--.--[--->+<]>.--.++++[->+++<]>.--[--->+<]>-.--[->++++<]>-.+[->+++<]>.[--->+<]>+.-[---->+<]>++.+[----->+<]>+.+.+++++.

* Finishing up my English NLP for my App *

Me: Finally it’s ready. Now my app can understand everything that the users say.

* I get my first millennial user *

My App: Hello there! Would you like to ask me a question?

User: yesn’t

My App: * crashes *

School sent out a mass email asking students to stop using VPNs to get around sites being blocked. They say their technology team is working on improving filters and shit. Let's be real that isn't going to stop ANYONE lmfao...

Was discussing phones with a friend.
After a while, I said I use a Nexus 5X as my main driver with a Nokia 3310 (which I have for like 10 years already, they are that Finlay proof lmao) as an emergency backup.
So he said: "best backup ever, and if you have robbers, you throw it. Don't bring a gun to a Nokia 3310 fight"

Fucking GiB

My school computers are *the most secure machines* on the planet as per the network admins at school.

A simple Unix command like sudo -i allows you to break in the system with "root" as password.

Pretty secure, right?

I told a friend of who i knew for about 8-9 years that i like her more than friends and may be attracted to her or have a crush on her (i have always just discarded people or decided that i dont need many in my life so in telling her, i already assumed a negative reaction and a lost friend so i would be happy with any answer). Turns out, she has had a crush on me for years and i am so confused on what to do because i knew her such a long time..

On the plus side, it was bothering me and telling her made me at ease and so productive at work and got so much done :D - its been an okay week if i must say so myself

I got a new job almost triple my old salary, I will move to a new city. I'm happy as fuck!

!dev

It was late night after work I went into Macdonald's take-away:

Me: Can I have a Maharaja Mac Medium Meal with extra regular fries?

Guy: Yes sir, that will XX.XX amt.

Me: Gives him my card.

Guys: So what's the pin?

Me: What??

Guys: The Pin sir.

Me: Are you ok? Who the hell shares a pin with you?

Guy: Sir, we don't have a wireless swipe machine.

Me: So why is it a take-away if I have to come inside and drop my pin anyways?

*Guy looks awkwardly at other employees. :/

I had to finally get out of the vehicle and I took another 15 mins seperately explaining him why cards have a security pin and that the word security isn't a joke before the pin. With this, I might have also slipped in some GDPR cookie policy along with it. and why Microsoft bought GitHub. Good Lad. He will learn.

Italian chef: We have the best spaghetti in the world
PHP developer: I doubt that

Interviewer: What is your native language?

Me: Lisp

Interviewer: The programming language?

Me: Yeth

SO. FUCKING. TIRED. Deadline looming. Burnt out. To everyone else just starting their daily grind: Have a good day.

That's it. I've had enough.

I lost my job yesterday (again) and the Irish cumstain who lives in the room next to me got pissed last night and kicked my door in because he thought I had his phone(?) and was ignoring him, when I was at work.

Long story short, he ripped my friends back door apart, tried to fight me (which ended with me chasing him down the street with a plank).

Police came and did a wonderful job as always by making us shake hands and 'promise' to leave each other alone.

THIS ISN'T FUCKING PRIMARY SCHOOL. DRAG HIM AWAY BEFORE I DO, YOU IGNORANT FUCKING PIGS.

Oh, and my 'friend' then had a schizophrenic episode and blamed it all on me(?!?). I then went to buy 2 bottles of vodka and decided to get pissed before trying to kill myself.

Ah, I love humans. Dirty, ignorant, blood sucking bags of sweaty meat and delicate bone. I really want to turn this Irish cunt into a skinsack of blood and guts, but I'm waiting patiently. He's going to wake up one night tied up and gagged, with me dragging him to a forest somewhere far far away...

Is it weird that I want to make him scream, cry, and shit himself at the same time?

If you like breathing into the mic during a 60 minute conference call....for everyone's sanity, please mute yourself.