URL shortening at it's best

Don't be like jimmy... test before committing! 😋

Got the best cake for my 30th birthday. Only if my wife understood what language I program with. I still love her though!

Interviewer:Explain us deadlock and we'll hire you !

Me:Hire me and I'll explain it to you..

We feel you bro...

Listening to two girls argue about how thin their eyebrows are is what you deserve for forgetting your headphones at home

Who will try it? :-D

schrodinger's backup

Any job interview ever:

Me: Hi I'm here for job X and I'd like to start by asking do you have a dress code?

HR: Well yeah we d..

Me: Thank you for your time, bye.

Choose wisely.

Welcome to 2017:

Facebook = Blue Snapchat
Whatsapp = Green Snapchat
Instagram = AllPossibleColors Snapchat

Ps: First rant **yayy**

Wait.
This is DevRant.
This is not my homework.
How did I get here?

!rant

I made devRant pancakes!
yummy

ERRORs are red,
INFOs are blue.
My logs look pretty,
But not as pretty as-
Wait, hold on. Why are there ERRORs in here?
Why is the homepage returning a 5- oh crap.
Can you just... Can you give me a minute?

My employer has this really cool thing. Where if I do my job very well, I get to do other peoples jobs too!

When you have a problem, google it and the stackoverfl0w link is purple...

Time spent creating an error response...

Implementing the response: 5%
Choosing the error message: 95%

Manager: The thing you working on. We need this now! Like end of the week.

Me: Desirability is not do-ability.

Manager: く( ・◇・)ヾ？

Me: I am still in the middle of figuring out how to do things in the first place, so there are some technologies to research and some problems I yet need to solve. I am in no state to just write down my solution. I don't even have enough information to even estimate how long it is going to take. I am getting there. And yes, I can rush things, but need I remind you that you want solid data as a result that actually means something? As this is *why* this whole project was started. We have some old project doing the exact same thing, but whose output we don't trust. I wonder how that came to be. Additionally, this whole project was on hold for months until I took over. So I neither understand nor accept this sudden sense of urgency. And by the way, you recently added manpower to this project. And adding manpower almost always decreases the productivity in the beginning due to on-boarding and communication overhead. Last Monday, I didn't write a single line of code due to that. So no, this week will not do, as I am also on vacation starting on Thursday that was requested and was approved by you at the beginning of the year. See you in January.

I used to work with a guy who had 2 PH.Ds, in Computer Science and Electrical Engineering and over 600 patents but I kid you not the guy could not use the coffee machine. Now it's not like this coffee machine was as easy as a Keurig, it was some $20,000 espresso machine that took a while to figure out but I tried teaching him how to use it a few dozen times and still he couldn't get it right. It got to the point where I thought he was faking it so that others would make it for him so I offered him $500 if he could figure it out. Still nope. So for the remaining 2 years we worked together I made him coffee whenever he wanted, 2-4 times a day, and he bought me lunch everyday. Before I left the company I bought him a Keurig so that when I left he'd still have coffee.

Petition to officially rename the term 'build' to 'kraken', so QA can shout 'Release the Kraken' and I can shout back 'The Kraken has been released!'.

- Sir, you must put away your laptop before the flight takes off.
- Is a tablet okay?
- Yes
- *Uncouples keyboard from Surface*
- ಠ_ಠ
- (⌐■_■)

Boss: Are you busy?
Me: *Schrödinger's silence*.

A thread of emails is NOT a specification.

Teaching 7-8 year olds the basics of web design. We're we're playing with CSS and changing colours of block elements and text. One girl put up her hand, completely confused as to why it wasn't working. Her code:

Section {
Background-color: rainbow;
}

Oh the wonderful mind of children

A combination of dark magic, unicorn sacrifices and caffeine.

The woman who helped develop software for the Apollo 11 was awarded a Medal of Freedom today.

My company just fired 20 people, and the next day instuted a program so salaried employees have to clock in and out. Of course not to effect our pay, just to keep their paranoid asses breathing down our necks. Also, no clocking in remotely so all the work I do from home won't be taken into account. Fucking micromanaging, ball-licking, scum-fuck, MBA, morons couldn't run a company if their lives depended on it. When will these soul-less, suit-wearing, shit-scarffers learn that treating your employees with respect and valueing actual work over bullshit metrics, is a better business strategy than treating them like fucking sheep to the slaughter. Fml, I gotta find a new job...

Being sincere

When the PM starts asking for estimations

Learn git right after you learn your first programming language.