My company employed a new back-end guy from a random country in Africa (our first non-european). After firing the internal IT guy a year ago, they have now noticed that he has fully protected our company from login attempts outside of europe. The replacement has no idea how to revert it and honestly is not an system administrator.

Our DevOps guy knows how to solve it but nobody asked him and he cannot be arsed.

Fuck all the neverending js frontend frameworks. And fuck everybody who worships them

I suggested we make a feature that has a checkbox that is greyed out and always selected. It would have words describing what the checkbox does. This would inform the user about how the feature works, but won't allow them to change that behavior.

So I am ready and willing to create user hostile software features. I am ready to work for Microsoft.

"Our startup is pre money"

GTFO...

Embedding private encryption key in production javascript file and fetching third party session token client side.

wrote a javascript canvas code with loops
crashed the graphic driver

alright... so thats how you parse JSON in javascript in 2019? i'm vomiting right now...

🙃 Javascript is beautiful 🙃

javascript...

>get hired at new company
>so big nobody knows anybody
>buy ancient company swag on ebay and put it at your desk
>everyone thinks you're a ten year

Got some swag in the mail today.

I was told I could get a refund for the hat if it was too small. I literally have the biggest head in the world and it fits me fine.

For those who complained, did you try taking it off and on again?

The perfect answer

Expectation: arrive at work, everyone in awe of devrant swag, social status++

Reality: arrive at work, prod failing, get blamed, employment status--

We feel you bro...

Just got my free stickers today! I'd like to thank every single person that has ever given me a ++ on a rant. I'd also like to thank my parents for making me the man I am today, and my high school counselor who just told me yesterday that I'm failing my English class!

Could someone finally make remote controlled bed that transform to armchair and can ride around the house so I don’t have to get up to grab a beer or open the door....

I want to ride to fridge and get back with some beef jerky without using my muscles.

Damn technology is always aiming for stuff that nobody needs.

Unreliable piece of shit!

And by "tweaks" he means overhauling the entire thing for the 100th time

In 2018, while working in Tokyo for a Fukuoka-based startup, one of my co-workers insisted that he wanted an SSL certificate installed on his local dev machine, but he didn't know how to do that. So I created and self-signed one for him. When our CEO came to visit our Tokyo office from Fukuoka, the coworker proudly showed him how his browser would display that green lock icon when visiting localhost:3000. This apparently impressed my CEO, because a few days later the coworker was invited to work at the HQ in Fukuoka while everybody else at the Tokyo office (incl. me) was let go.

This coworker would also only copy whole open source repositories, foo/bar/g all occurrences of the project name with our company name, and tell our CEO that he wrote that code.

I don't know how to deal with this bullshit.

Today I was minding my own coding-committing-pushing business, when all of a sudden, a split second before typing Enter on a command, the obnoxious UPDATE JAVA popup reared it's ugly head.

Normally I just politely recommend it to fuck off and let me manage my Java versions with homebrew on my own time. But I had no time to not press Enter, and so it rapidly started downloading/installing.

Thankfully I had juuust enough time to hit the cancel button. The progress bar it was showing stopped at 81%. Didn't even have time to read what it said. Crisis averted. Them NSA fucks be like, "curses, foiled again!"

This was probably the most intense moment of the year for me. I think my lifespan grew shorter a few months.

Dreaded auto-updates are getting smarter. They nearly got me when I was in a vulnerable state of hitting Enter many times. Stay on your toes!

One of my colleges complained that the remote vm he uses to test his Java-Code is so slow that he thinks it's actually just a potatoe.
I said to him... Well you know... 3 Billion Devices run Java.

When you really want to forget java for a lifetime and uninstall it but you find a java implementation of something you've been looking for hours.

devRant Q&A: What is the biggest lie in technology?

My favourite is: OVER 3 BILLION DEVICES RUN JAVA

I just figured out what most of the 3 billion devices running java would be. Sim and credit cards

Let alone all the facts. I know one thing. 3 Billion devices run Java.

*inhales*

OVER 3 BILLION DEVICES RUN JAVA

B: you are not even a real developer
Me: ??
B: you are using windows
Me:
Me: what the fucking fuck did you just fucking say you little fuck? Ill have you know i have written at least 4 lines of code, commented once and have a stackoverlfow reputation of -7. I have completed every beginner level udemy course on applied brainfuck mathematics and have worked as a distributed data analyst with excel 03. You are nothing to me, every piece of code i write runs on exactly 3 billion devices and i have an unsuccessful facebook meme page. Bitch.

"Java runs on 3 billion devices"

3 billion devices run Java.......

2011: 3 billion devices run Java
2018: 3 billion devices run Java