This is my motivation.

Close relative: Hey, what is my gmail password?
Me: I have no idea.
Him: but you created the gmail account for me a couple years ago.
Me: Yeah, I helped you to create it and I warned you to remember your password.
Him: didn’t you write it down somewhere?
Me: no, I didn’t, you fucking useless piece of shit. I am not your fucking password manager.

I guess I'll just change my dad then...

BAM! It's official. The Dutch people have voted against the new surveillance law!

It's about 49 percent against vs 46 percent in favor and the other part voted blank.

I'm happy as fuck!

Hey, have you ever wanted to punch a developer 8611 times before?

teacher gives a question in a test : can you save a word document as a pdf.

me :Yes

teacher :that is wrong

me : shows her how to do it..

teacher : "oh well "

Stackoverflow.

Client : pls put the disclaimer that the site uses cookies.
Me: but we don't use cookies this is a static page
Client: Still, the pop up makes the site look more professional, kindly add the feature asap
Me: :/

Well I was modelling a dragon for a game and the scales were really hard to do.

"WiFi is better than Ethernet because the air is bigger so it can hold more internet."

Yes, and horse-drawn carriages are better than cars because they have bigger wheels.

Just got my first RedBubble shirt 😍

Me, trying to create a LaTeX document: *googles "latex string comparison"*
Customer and boss walk in.
Google: *shows NSFW results*

I.. Let...- Let me explain, it's not what it looks like!

macOS treats chess like it's the System32 file in windows

Yesterday, my employer promoted me to lead web developer.

I’m still the only web developer.

Just found the best dev ever.

https://alcohollick.com/tfw.html

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I'm trying out a new rendering engine, it's pretty slow but I'm getting somewhere.

My (6 years old) client is sitting next to me and is kind of picky and tells me exactly what to do.

No payout though 🤔

Me: I’ve been in the web since 2006, of course i know html,css,javascript.
Also me: Google how to center a div.

Today I received the best bug report I could've ever asked for..

Received an email from a member of our customer service centre containing a description of the bug they'd found and not only did it contain the steps to reproduce the bug, but a goddamn video of him reproducing the suspected bug!

The greatest feeling when the client decides to take time to make your life that little bit easier

*swats a fly at work*
"heh, debugging."
*audible sigh*

Guy called in:

Guy: hello, i can't seem to login to the sql database, could you check if the ip whitelist went right? It's on the *names server* server.
Me: *checks if guy is calling from an authorized number* - nope.
Me: I'm sorry but you're not calling from an authorized number so I can't check that for you!
Guy: no you don't understand. I don't want any of this not-authorized bullshit, I just want a solution for this right now.
Me: and I just want you to call from an authorized number.

Yeah, I actually said that. He wasn't very happy 😅

I'm still employed by the way 🤣

God bless those developers who give you a dark theme for their apps

You know, exiting Skype is even harder than exiting Vim

I had a secondary Gmail account with a really nice short nickname (from the early invite/alpha days), forwarded to another of my mailboxes. It had a weak password, leaked as part of one of the many database leaks.

Eventually I noticed some dude in Brazil started using my Gmail, and he changed the password — but I still got a copy of everything he did through the forwarding rule. I caught him bragging to a friend on how he cracked hashes and stole and sold email accounts and user details in bulk.

He used my account as his main email account. Over the years I saw more and more personal details getting through. Eventually I received a mail with a plaintext password... which he also used for a PayPal account, coupled to a Mastercard.

I used a local website to send him a giant expensive bouquet of flowers with a box of chocolates, using his own PayPal and the default shipping address.

I included a card:

"Congratulations on acquiring my Gmail account, even if I'm 7 years late. Thanks for letting me be such an integral part of your life, for letting me know who you are, what you buy, how much you earn, who your family and friends are and where you live. I've surprised your mother with a cruise ticket as you mentioned on Facebook how sorry you were that you forgot her birthday and couldn't buy her a nice present. She seems like a lovely woman. I've also made a $1000 donation in your name to the EFF, to celebrate our distant friendship"

My girlfriend stole my fucking devrant sweater.

You are allowed to be dumb OR to be rude.
Never both.

1. Doesnt want to pay for server
2. Doesnt want to pay for disk
3. Doesnt want to pay at all
3. Wants the app in 1 week

I had to go help marketing with a website UI issue today:

Me: What version of IE are you using?
Her: Oh my god! Did you say virgin?
Me: No, "Version".
Her: Hahaha you guys I thought he asked what virgin am I using!
*room erupts into laughter*

WTF is this high school?

How cute *_*

A client wanted "a video on a server".

I took a server, put it on the ground, stood on it carefully and took 'a video on a server' 😊

I was so tempted to just send it 😆