So, this random teen on subway asked me if it was 9GAG I was scrolling [i was on this app ofc]. I said it's better than 9GAG.
He went on like this "oh cool, does it have the the NSFW section too?"
...
Me: a...No, but can learn coding stuff
Him: hacking?
Me: hacking is not what you thin... [He interrupted me]
Him: Damn cool, I wanna learn hacking, it's my stop nice meeting you tell me the name of the app
Me: a...9...ha...ck, 9hack!
Him: cool, thanks. [Gets off]

(Um...Some people just don't deserve DevRant, if you know what I mean)

Me and my wife are software engineers
Started dating while doing a project together
I guess you could say that we...
MERGED WITHOUT CONFLICTS

Today we have an exciting devRant announcement! As many observant members of the community have problably noticed, since launch we've been using the domain name devrant.io since the .com was already taken. Today, we're happy to announce, we now own devrant.com and it is now the official devRant URL!

How did this happen you ask? The devrant.com domain was already owned by a developer named Wiard when we launched devRant. It took a while to track him down, but when we did, turned out he saw the good we were doing and wanted to help the devRant community by generously offering us the .com domain for a very reasonable exchange (considering that we are a self-funded bootstrapped startup!).

Since Wiard recently started writing a blog on devrant.com, he had to find a new home for it. His new blog is https://sysrant.com and I encourage everyone to check it out! Great topical/educational dev/sys-admin related articles? Check. Someone who cares about the devRant community and allowed us to leave the firey hell that is .io? Check. So check it out!!

Some technical info:

This change is immediate and all devrant.io non-api requests will now redirect to devrant.com. We might have missed a few things (purposely or accidentely) so we're going to be going through and converting anything that's left. If you use the devRant API, your implementation should not break since API requests are meant to be excluded for now, but I highly recommend switching any API URLs to https://devrant.com so you can avoid issues in the future if we decide to stop redirecting devrant.io API requests. Also one note, there was an issue for about a minute after we turned on the redirected where some API requests to devrant.io might have 301 redirected to devrant.com. If an app you were using broke, try clearing whatever cache the 301 redirect might be stored in and the issue should go away.

Feel free to post any questions you might have here (and please let me know about any issues you might discover!), and once again, huge thanks to Wiard!

when your janitor knows his audience

One day when I was about 8 years old my friend and I were in the library. We decided we wanted to try to make a baseball website because we both likes baseball (this was around 1998). We picked up a book on HTML and my dad took it out for us. My dad was also a programmer so he said he would help us learn. We went home that afternoon and made a little website!

I knew right then that I really enjoyed programming and creating things with code, but I realized I wanted to be a programmer in middle school and high school. One of my friends and I started building Flash games. To see if people were playing them, I added in a call to each game that hit a PHP script on our server. I'll never forget the days/weeks that one of our most popular games caused our sever to get hammered and our shared host said they were going to boot us.

It was an awesome feeling knowing people were enjoying these games that we worked really hard on, and that's one of the main reasons I always wanted to be coding/creating things that people enjoy using.

Tinder experience so far

Girl: "hey, what do you do?"

Me: "im a programmer"

Girl:

Me: "and you?"

Girl:

Me: "... hello?"

*Suddenly unmatch*

(In science class)

Teacher: What are clouds made of?

Me: Servers, preferably Linux.

Teacher: ?

*Client calles me at 7Am*

Client: why did you make everything smaller on my website ?

Me: look at the right side of your URL bar, do you see a minus sign ?

Client: yah, so ?

Me: click on it and set it back to default.

Client: oh ok this is working for me now, will this fix apply globally across the internet

Me: ...

Client: oh I think I asked a stupid question, thanks mate have a good day.

Me: you're welcome...

"Are you running android?"
"No Samsung"
"So your OS is android"
"No Samsung"

*In Office
Coworker raises his head, looks at boss: "I'm leaving".

Boss raises head looks at coworker: "Ok".

All this took 5 seconds,..the weirdest 5 seconds of my life

customer who didn't paid for 3 months: why is our server down?

me: server?. what server?.

What do you call a snake that’s exactly 3.14 feet long?

A πthon

Client: Hey, you're the IT guy right?
Me: Hey, how can I help?
Client: Yeah for some reason I've lost power to my computer
Me: *Checks power, all computers are down due to a power cut*
Me: You'll have to contact your power supplier as you've lost power to all computers and lights.
Client: What, but the computers are not working right? - that's you're job not mine
Me: That's not how it works.
Client: Fix this or I'll bill you for the loss of money we've encountered during this and report this to your boss.
Me: How about I bill you for my time and advice and inform by boss that you tried to blame me for a power cut.
Client: You can try.
Me: *walks off and puts time in the ticket, requests purchasing to send an invoice*

2 Days later:
The client does not pay the invoice.
Me: (phone call) Hi, an invoice has been sent to you and we haven't received payment yet.
Client: were not paying that, you broke our power and made our computers break
Me: null

How I've decided to answer the "can you hack" question from here on in...

"Can you show me how to hack this account please?"

"Sure, you'll need a hammer, a blow torch, chloroform, some pliers and couple of bottles of really pure vodka!"

"What the hell?!"

"Oh, it's so much quicker to just extract a password from a person, than it is to break into a system, I'm not exactly trained in inflicting pain on the human body, but I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out through trial and error, good luck!"

schrodinger's backup

I just spent 5 minutes trying to fix an error saying that I am missing a ";".

I saw a ; at the end of statement but I kept on getting the error.

After cleaning the monitor the ; disappeared and I was able to see the problem.

Clean your monitor once in a while.

You know things just got serious when you reach for pen and paper.

Fact=!rant

Gf: Hey look, YouTube shows a preview of the video on mouse hover
Me: pornhub did it first
Gf:what?
Me:wut?

Teacher: press F5

Student: presses f then 5

Me: dies

After reading a lot of cryptography, I realized that it would be best if Alice and Bob just talk in person

*yesterday*
Client: "Perfect! How did you do this so quickly?"
Me: "I used a library"
*today*
Me: "I'm still debugging. It will take some time"
Client: "Well, it has already taken too long...I can hear Mozart in the background. Maybe you need to go to a library to get some quiet and get it done fast. Visit the one you used yesterday."
Me: "Library?...Ah, I meant plugin...like, code...a library is a bunch of packaged code"

"Work for me", client said, "I won't pay you but you will get some reputations for working with us" he added.

"Sorry, my body can't digest reputation", I replied.

I JUST DELETED MY LIVE MYSQL SERVER

I DON'T KNOW IF WE HAVE BACKUPS

Next time I see a constructor with 22 parameters. I'm gonna report whoever wrote that to the police

What’s the most efficient algorithm to find duplicates in a set?

An SO moderator

Why not! 😂

#Which party are you?
- [ ] Republican Party
- [ ] Democratic Party
- [x] LAN Party

Git.

The smallest utility made its way to being the largest companies must-have, the most critical part of the whole development landscape.

Using just plain C, Git can shred huge amounts of data insanely fast. It never gets old.

Git is a developer's scalpel.

Dear unknown StackExchange random dude,

You don't know me, I don't know you, but, let's be honest : I came here to get answers, not to get my question fucking edited.

Regards,

Go fuck yourself

When you go to paste a piece of code with CTRL+V and accidentally press CTRL+C instead so you have to go back and re-copy it.