!rant
Last night my girlfriend was extremely happy to make her first Android hello world application.

People randomly asking me if I can "hack" someone after they find out that I'm a developer... Ugh.

*Knows Excel*
*adds Database Administrator to resume*

How to politely tell your client that their request for the new 'little' feature is unrealistic and fucking absurd?

Really getting fed the fuck up with this elitist shit. So what someone else uses something different than you. Grow the fuck up snow flake. You're definitely not God's gift to the coding world. Pretty sure you've made mistakes in your career as well.

This isn't to anyone in particular.. just getting entirely fed up with this bullshit. We're adults, how about we act like them?

Printers... technology created by the devil itself

Just replaced a 300 line switch case with a simple if statement inside a foreach loop.
Feels sooo good man

*Client calles me at 7Am*

Client: why did you make everything smaller on my website ?

Me: look at the right side of your URL bar, do you see a minus sign ?

Client: yah, so ?

Me: click on it and set it back to default.

Client: oh ok this is working for me now, will this fix apply globally across the internet

Me: ...

Client: oh I think I asked a stupid question, thanks mate have a good day.

Me: you're welcome...

I've secured my first software developer job at a large bank in the UK after doing Java Developer training for the last 3 months. I'm so happy!

Advice that I give to interns/grads:

In uni/college, you're taught *how* to code something to achieve a goal, and 99% of the time the code will work and do the job in a lab.

But when building things for a real production environment, you learn the 100 ways how *not* to code, from seeing things break left right and centre - basically everything and anything can break your code, whether it is users, the OS, other people's code, legacy code, lag, concurrency, the alignment of the moon to your server...

Client: hey are you home yet.
Me: no. I won't be for another hour.
Client: so who's logged into your PlayStation account?
Me: ....

I love deadlines... I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by 😊

Team off site tomorrow. Everyone is excited, I'm scared.

Programming in a nutshell

When you realize that you are in the third school year and still the half of the class prefers eclipse over intelliJ and think that git is useless.

Just got a reply from a client complaining that the site I did for him is "too responsive".

Never got this kind of complain.

Normally I might get some complains about the site not being fully responsive but never was I expecting to receive a "site is too responsive" complain.

Found this gem while cleaning the basement

so,i made a website and uploaded it to my paid hosting...some pages were blank when accessed.did some testing and found out that was a php problem.contacted the support to enable error reporting for testing...he said that it can not be done...and that my code was the problem....spent 3h testing like a blind man...then my mother comes and sais this "maybe it's not compatible"she knows nothing about programming....then it struck me....fucking different php versions...i think i'm retarded sometimes...

Worst meeting. Hmm..

Embarrassment wise maybe the one where my boss called me the queen of porn in front of everyone. Yes, classy AF. (Just have to know him to know his sense of humor I guess).

Most cringe worthy meeting was probably when our out of state national director came in and basically told us he has no clue what we do nor does her care to learn. We brought up salaries to him as well as we're in the bottom 8th percentile for the industry in our area with HUMONGOUS work loads, like 20 sites per developer at once. This is a huge multi-million dollar corporation, mind you. We told him some of us have to have 3 jobs to survive and he basically said well you're an at will employee so there's the door. He also took phone calls and sent emails during my one on one meeting which we never finished even though he promised to. But he bought us a shirt, so you know, it's all cool. 🙄

"Read-only Friday" rule: On Fridays, you don't deploy new versions, don't merge code into production, don't update databases, and a lot of others "DON'Ts"

That horrible feeling when you have to abandon your small project because litteraly nothing works... Even after 2 straight weeks of work, on a single f***ing function... Fml

To new web devs from a new web dev:
Try to design your site before you write a single line of code. Be it Photoshop, Paint, a piece of paper, a literal goddamn canvas, you name it. You may thank yourself for it later.

Dear Clients,

if you really think what I do has so little value that you won’t pay for it, why on earth would you think it was going to help your business in any way? It’s clearly not worth it. How can it have a positive impact?

- Your Unpaid Developer

University highlight

Professor: I uploaded 25 C exercises with a 3 week deadline at eclass.

*4 hours later* Me: I completed the exercises.

Professor: ﴾͡๏̯͡๏﴿ O'RLY?

Me: Let me show you

???

Professor : Feel free to skip class for the rest of the month

Well played!

Seeing these posts about stickers and I'm just here like (there is more on the other side too)

I'm a diehard Apple fangirl, watch every keynote and have only ever had Macs (my parents are also diehard)

But I seriously envy the Android robot dude. He's so damn cute. Apple gotta get a better mascot I can keep on my desk.

not rant

I code in python.

- PM : we have no choice but to finish this before deadline.
- Me : We can't, it's a really big feature.
- PM : But we have no choice.
- Me : But we can't.
...

*What is she waiting for*

Interviewer: "Hi, we are searching for a junior frontend dev with 1 year of experience and strong skills with Angular".
Me: "I have never used Angular before but I have 4 years of experience, It's not a problem for me to study it and use it quickly".
Interviewer: "Eh no, we are searching for someone with very strong Angular skills".
Me: "That's fine, but sorry how can a junior dev with just 1 year of experience have already strong skills with Angular? He must have also strong skills with JavaScript in general and It's quite impossible".
Interviewer: "Ehh... ehm.... ehmm..."

Using hackerrank to compile codes when in Windows!! :P