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Search - "retarded"
So this fucking happened today.
Me: *sees support ticket coming in about some kind of login issue*
Me: *opens issue*
"Hello, I can't seem to login. There's an error"
Me: *sighs and thinks "at least give me that FUCKING error message then." *kindly replies with asking if they could send me the error message*
"Here it is. I don't understand what is going wrong
and what I have to do"
Me: *looks at error message*
"Invalid customer ID. Please make sure that your ID is correct. You can find it in the activation email we sent you when you registered".
😐 😶 😦
Me: *thinking okay what the fuck, are you fucking retarded or something?*
Me: *kindly replies: "It seems that you are not using the correct customer ID. You might want to look for it in the activation email we sent you!"*
"Oh okay thanks, how did you figure that out?"
Me: 😵 😐 😶 😭 🔫
Seriously what the actual fucking fuck.30
Meeting with asshole partner company CEO at restaurant.
Me: "I'm a bit worried about the bugs in your API. There are some ways to retrieve privacy sensitive info from public endpoints"
CEO: "Well, we're a rapidly growing startup!"
Me: "Uh... so?"
CEO: "So... Move Fast and Break Things! Priority is to improve our API further, and we'll fix bugs as they show up"
Me: "Maybe you should stop trying to emulate Zuckerberg in your management style. You know that even Facebook themselves admitted that their slogan was a retarded mistake"
Waiter shows up at table. CEO orders some overly expensive fish salad.
CEO: "Well, they have done something right... they're worth billions"
Waiter asks me: "And you sir, have you made your choice?"
Me: "Do you serve popcorn?"
CEO: "Popcorn for lunch?"
Me: "No, for your congressional hearing"16
Dear future self,
Next time you're working on the project's routes, be sure that people don't have to be logged in to login.
It will make your life easier.
Your past self that is tired to be this retarded.7
Meeting with smooth suit guy:
"So, our company has pivoted"
I hate everything about this guy, not having slept well at all, I fucking snapped:
"Pivoted? Oh wow, what a wonderfully refined word to describe that your asinine business model smacked flat into the mud, that your obtuse bubble of vague ideas popped and your childish dreams of piles of undeserved gold got caught up by the hard reality that your product does not add any tangible value -- yet you tricked your sheepish retarded investors once again to fall for a new hype-filled pitch deck? Congratulations. At least you probably snort enough coke to keep believing in yourself..."
The guy nervously wiped his nose, stuttered, and walked off looking angry and a little confused.
So it turns out, my boss is apparently the major "sheepish retarded investor" in this company.
Today I got a mail from him. I expected fire and fury, nuclear ICBMs crashing into my desk.
"Thanks for your feedback, this is why I invite you to meetings. Could you take a look at their new pitch slides and preliminary API docs for me?"16
Days and days, 5+ hours later I finally figured out the issue.
The client is just fucking retarded, that's all.
5+ hours of my life wasted, much awesome!9
SERIOUSLY: FUCK YOU PAYPAL...
🖕For your 500 Apis that seemingly do the same fucking thing
🖕For your fucking Webhooks that get dispatched every fucking century
🖕For needing a fucking degree in PayPal sciences to understand which fees apply and when
🖕For doc links that seemingly lead to nowhere
🖕For having to plow through 500 pages on your fucking retarded website to be able to execute or receive a fucking payment
🖕For your casual internal server errors
🖕For your fucking ancient sandbox account design and dysfunctional features therein
Making payments is not fucking rocket science you fucking cunts.
FUCK WORDPRESS TO DEATH!
Seriously, I have a degree in computer science and I can't for the fucking lfie of it understand the fucking architecture of fucking WORDPRESS!
How many fucking times when developing fucking shitty wordpress sites for clients you spent 66% of the time debugging some stupid fucki9ng shit related to the retarded monolithic fucking stupid architecture of this huge retarded abomination which should be killed in a fire with dragonfire.
How many fucking times while using trellis sage bedrock mother fucking super uber framework bubblegum you find yourself struggling with the fgucking broweser shit sync or some other fucking stupid bubblegum fix shit to make wordpress even remotely a decent experience to work with?
Even when buffed with a fucking shitton of boilerplate shit code from people who want developers to not fucking kill themselves while working on this fucking piece of shit framework the developing experience with wordshit makes me want to blow my fucking brains out with a desert eagle.
I seriously can't fucking stress how fucking shit this whole framework is and I seriously hope people stop using it for good. Wordpress was made by a bunch of fucking retarded monkeys who barely knew how to write afucking hello world.
This is the last fuckign time Im ever going to accept a wordpress project from my clients this fucking framework has driven me mad for fu cking years and i've finally had it with thsi fucking piece of shit framework and i fucking hope it gets buried 1000 km down and never dug up ever fuckign again.
Wordpress is the single most fucking horrid abomination that has ever been created in the fucking history of the tech industry.60
Boss: make this thing
Me: yeah no worries. Where is the spec?
Boss: We don't have enough one but we outsourced the design so call him
Designer: haven't started yet
Boss: I'm going on holiday. I'll leave this to you.
Me: erm ok. I'm having a few problems getting stuff out of the designer though.
*2 weeks later and still no designs*
Boss: I'm back. Where is the progress?!
*1 week later i get half designs that sort of make sense*
Boss: hurry up!
*1 week later*
Me: designer you're busting my balls here
Designer: yeah lol
Me to boss: still having problems. No idea what I'm doing.
Boss: deal with it
*2 days later*
PM: we are demoing it to clients tomorrow
Me: brilliant. I'll become a magician then.
* Meeting goes well and no one notices the thing is a bit buggy*
*2 days later*
Me to boss and pm: you already know whats going on but I'll keep trying.
Boss: ok it's just a proof of concept anyway.
Designer: yeah here's the rest of the designs lol
*1 week later, the designs made no sense, no idea what they wanted but hey it's a proof of concept so I'll just do my best...*
*suddenly again, hey you have 1 week before we sell it. Lol. smashes a product together as fast as humanly possible, due to half designs and no time to do it right even html classes and CSS aren't right - didn't know things would be repeated at the time. No time to fix entire thing. Luckily just a proof of concept*
New senior developer: hey boss just said this is being sold tomorrow.
Me: wtf..It's a proof of concept and i was given longer...
New senior developer: no
Senior developer and all colleagues: it's full of bugs and doesn't work
Me: yes that will happen without specs, random tight deadlines, no designs that made sense and a total of about a week and a half to make an entire system for multiple user types to make applications, send messages, post jobs, handle all paperwork and move paperwork among different user types as they go through applications. I told everyone what was going on but i get no support...
Boss: wtf i gave you so long! All i know is my entire staff is working on a product that should be done ages ago
Me: ok, however i have said almost every day i need-
Boss: I'm not interested
*I finish my placement year and never get any promised work or the job offer*
Non-dev coworker (ndc) sees me using google chrome: I don't understand why chrome is so popular. I hate it and don't know why anyone would use it.
Me: what browser do you use?
NDC: internet explorer.
Me: why do you like ie better than chrome?
NDC: it does everything chrome can do and it's free.
Me: ie can NOT do everything chrome can do and chrome is free. You just have to download it from google.
NDC: no I read that chrome is proprietary software and why would I pay to use it when ie is free.
Me: ie is also proprietary software. Proprietary doesn't necessarily mean it costs money it's just not open source. Plus ie is not free. You paid for it when you bought the windows license that came with your computer.
NDC: no ie was already on the computer when I bought it so I didn't have to pay for it.
Me: it was included in the price of the computer but you still paid for it.
NDC: whatever I'm going to keep using ie because it's free for me.
ARE YOU RETARDED???28
Had an argument with a potential client, he ended the call with this, before hanging up.
"Why are all you devs so fucking retarded, can't you just make what I want without me having to explain what I need"
So a group of 'researchers' (you'll get later why I call them 'researchers') conducted research to find the most secure browser.
Their result is Google Chrome!
Few minor details:
- THE WHOLE FUCKING RESEARCH THINGY WAS (mostly?) SPONSORED BY GOOGLE.
- THEY COMPARED IT MOSTLY TO INTERNET FUCKING EXPLORER AND EDGE.
Are they fucking retarded or something?! Yeah if it's going to go like that, Google Chrome will certainly become the winner/number 1.
Mother of fucking god.79
Was today national 'lets not use our brains and common sense' day or something?!?
People coming with the most fucking RETARDED questions.
'ive spend hours to try and figure out why my mail isnt sending,?!'
MAYBE TRY SPELLING YOUR FUCKING OWN EMAIL ADDRESS CORRECTLY?!?!?!
Tons more of the kind of shit that you can solve yourself within three FUCKING seconds.
I'm so fucking done with today.11
Today I got to my new office. After booting my PC I noticed, that my phone-client isn't working.
I wrote an Incident to our helpline, telling them my phone isn't working.
After one hour I got an mail:
"Dear XYZ, we couldn't reach you at your phone. Please call back so we can fix your issue"
FUCK YOU WTF! ARE YOU GUYS RETARDED? READ YOUR FUCKING INCIDENTS! MOTHERFUCKING CUNTS!11
When we found out MySQL utf8 isn't actually utf8..... it's a proprietary subset of utf8 that only includes up to Unicode 255..... and there is a separate "utf8mtb4" that is actual utf8.8
*Me working on the security system of the notes app thingy*
"hmm, should check if a users' ip is valid, let's look for some online services..."
*can't find a good one without rate limits*
*hold on, I wrote one myself 🤣*
I am so fucking retarded sometimes.7
Retarded things I do:
when I end up creating a nice complex elegant algorithm I end up staring at the code for am incomprehensibly long time admiring it.11
!dev but fuck it.
I'd like to talk to the interior designers of the new dutch NS sprinter trains.
Who in the flying FUCK puts the SOS button right where you'd rest your shoulder at the STANDING SEATS?!?
SERIOUSLY HOW FUCKING RETARDED CAN YOU BE? YES I ACCIDENTALLY LEANED AGAINST ONE TODAY.
What the actual fuck.21
When i said that i use Linux, 3/4 of the class stared at me like i have a mental problem.
Then i said that i use duckduckgo and they stared at me like i was really retarded.
The sad part is that i'm in computer science department and my colleagues have not any clue about anything else than microsoft/google.12
Biggest terminal hack I've discovered till now which is so fucking obvious I can't believe I literally just started using it:
Executing the date command right before and after another command/series of commands to see how long shit takes.
$ date; command or commands; date
This is incredibly useful when rendering loads of data in screen sessions!
I actually feel rather retarded for only thinking of this now.17
Two days ago I had a particularly retarded conversation with my father.
Father: Have you heard of [insert some language that will probably die in half a year]?
Me: Never heard of it.
Father: I talked with a friend yesterday and he said people pay millions for it.
Father: You have to learn it.
Me: *At this point trying not to facepalm* I don't think that's a good idea.
Me: *begins explaining how the industry changes quickly, underused languages die out or how there simply aren't many materials on them*
My father then started shouting at me, saying that I don't listen to him and that his friend (who does stock trading for living) knows what's trending right now. Couple that with the fact that I was sick in bed when this random event happened, it led to me wanting to, ever so slightly, fucking kill myself.5
Was thinking of a name for my currently biggest project and thought of a funny one, took the first letter of each word and started to use that to refer to the project, was thinking about domain names and such already etc.
Just wrote it down and I suddenly noticed:
ONE OF THE LETTERS IN THE SHORTCUT ISN'T CORRECT.
How the fuck did I miss that for fucking weeks?! It's not like it's a difficult sentence/set of words or anything.
I'm so fucking glad I didn't register domains or shit yet.
How. In. The. Living. Hell.12
Disclaimer: non dev related.
So I went to a festival today. What is the most stupid question you can ask at a festival?
And the winner is
And the winner is...
'why are you sweating?'
THE WHAT? ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED?!?
DETAIL ONE: I'M AT A FUCKING FESTIVAL
DETAIL TWO: I'M DANCING MY ASS OFF
DETAIL TWO: EVERYONE IS MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING FUUUUUCK DANCING.
Mother of god, stupidity knows no fucking boundries 😲20
You retarded cunt. Yeah, you. No, don’t stare at me like you did nothing.
I fucking wrote 3/4 of your stupid script because you put batch in PowerShell and don’t know what a fucking anonymous object is, and you take credits without acknowledging I helped the shit out of you. Do it one more time and I’ll bomb your hard drive with a fucking hammer.
I thought there was no worse freelancer site than fiverr.
*insert "Boy you were wrong" here*
No. Just No.
- Limited to 8 bids as a free account
- You get 1 bid back every 90 FUCKING HOURS
- CLIENTS ARE EVEN MORE RETARDED THAN ON FIVERR
- HALF OF PEOPLE WANT YOU TO SELL YOUR UPWORK ACCOUNT TO THEM
- 5€ FOR 2000 WORDS OF TRANSLATION? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING? END YOURSELF PLEASE
- "Design a custom social network (video chat, chat, forum, shop and payment gateway) quick!!!" for 100€, within one day.
What the fuck.
Completely losing my shit over a 'class Predis\Autoloader already defined' error.
Just noticed that I already created the object five lines up
How fucking retarded am I?! I mean, I've been debugging this for a WHOLE FUCKING HOUR.
Let's just blame it on the alcohol 😅7
Friend: "I made my page responsive"
Maybe the layout is responsive, but your articles are not. Wanna know why?
BECAUSE YOU USE FUCKING IMAGES INSTEAD OF AN HTML STRUCTURE TO DISPLAY YOUR ARTICLES8
Hey man can you fix my tv, computer, toaster, phone, or hack this phone i found, can you hack me a wifi, can you make me a website/app i have a really good idea. (For free of course)
Hey man you only need a good idea for an app then become rich.
(Insert countless of other retarded requests here)
Someone kill me6
My company decided to hire a new director at the electronics shop. There are certain hours when we have a lot of clients. So the guy had to man a cash register.
Client: I need 2 kilo resistors
The client obviously needed resistors of two kiloohms.
The director rushed out to the warehouse and came back with 2 kilograms of resistors to the gram
How can someone be so retarded! ¿4
The last year my school installed MagicBoards (whiteboard with beamer that responses to touch) in every class room and called itself "ready for the future of media". What they also got is A FUCKING LOW SPEC SERVER RUNNING DEBIAN 6 W/O ANY UPDATES SINCE 2010 WHICH IS DYING CONSTANTLY.
As I'm a nice person I asked the 65 y/o technician (who is also my physics teacher) whether I could help updating this piece of shit.
Teacher: "Naahh, we don't have root access to the server and also we'll get a new company maintaining our servers in two years. And even if we would have the root access, we can't give that to a student."
My head: "Two. Years. TWO YEARS?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME YOU RETARDED PIECE OF SHIT?! YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU DON'T HAVE TO INSTALL UPDATES EVEN THOUGH YOU CREATE AN SSH USER FOR EVERY FUCKING STUDENT SO THEY CAN LOGIN USING THEIR BIRTH DATE?! DID YOU EVER HEAR ABOUT SECURITY VULNERABILITIES IN YOUR LITTLE MISERABLE LIFE OR SOUNDS 'CVE-2016-5195' LIKE RANDOM LETTERS AND NUMBERS TO YOU?! BECAUSE - FUNFACT - THERE ARE TEN STUDENTS WHO ARE IN THE SUDO GROUP IF YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS!"
Me (because I want to keep my good grades): "Yes, that sounds alright."13
Start a development job.
Boss: "let's start you off with something very easy. There's this third party we need data from. They have an api, just get the data and place it on our messaging bus."
Me: "sure, sounds easy enough"
Third party api turns out to have the most retarded conversation protocol. With us needing a service to receive data on while also having a client to register for the service. With a lot of timed actions like, 'send this message every five minutes' and 'check whether our last message was sent more than 11 minutes ago'.
Due to us needing a service, we also need special permissions through the company firewall. So I have to go around the company to get these permissions, FOR EVERY DATA STREAM WE NEED!
But the worst of it all is... This whole api is SOAP based!!
Also, Hey DevRant!5
Check this out.
Brazil is coming to a halt right now because of a distribution blockage by the truck drivers.
Gasoline tripled the litter price from yesterday.
Gas stations are going empty.
Air-fucking-ports are out of diesel/gas.
Public transportation might stop tomorrow.
And my boss "will consider" home office, wtf dude, are you retarded?14
Fucking son of a bitch force pushed to git effectively deleting 4 hours of my work and was keeping his mouth shut for two days while pushing ontop of that bullshit during these days and completely minifiying that file I was working on to make sure that he makes my life miserable.Fuck this fucking shitty ass retarded fucker for doing this SECOND time already!11
Disclaimer: I have a strong hate towards apple for multiple reasons and this will only be temporary. (thank God for that)
My oneplus one is battery dead and the power button quit as well. Repair costs would be as expensive as buying a new phone (200-300 price range) so searching for a new one.
But, I need a temporary phone in the mean time.
A phone with googled-android is absolutely a no-go. I used to do that sometimes but those were wrong decisions.
So, for the sake of trying, I'm going for a second hand iPhone.
Will be testing how it works for me (never been able to form an opinion on it since iOS 4.2 (iPod touch)) and will also be searching my ass off for a smartphone which supports lineage/rooting (TIPS BETWEEN ABOVES PRICE RANGE ARE VERY WELCOME) because I'm fucking hell not planning on using that (the iPhone) fucker any longer than a month.
Even if I love it over android (highly doubt that), I won't continue using it for very specific reasons.
Wish me luck 😅16
Job listing: "We work with the VBA language which is an addition to the classic Visual Basic language..."
No. VBA is not an addition to VB. It's his retarded brother5
The reason why I changed my username ( I'll just be honest here )
I was working on a website. I noticed that entries were submitting yesterday but today new entries were not showing up on database. It was like my database refused to insert new rows but there was no new error in log. I kept trying for almost half an hour, read all the answers on stackoverflow, read docs, tried different methods. Nothing worked. I was fucked up. Completely fucked up.
In frustration, I just stared my database for 10 mins without a single blink, and then I noticed this thing 'showing 25 out of 78 rows'
I clicked on 'show all'
I felt retarded.
Okay I can give an excuse that last time I saw a database was a year ago, but still.. how retarded you need to be to not see this FUCKIN 'SHOW ALL' when it is on the TOP of the FUCKIN TABLE!!6
Saw a girl from my uni upload a photo of her graduation with the following text:
while(!(succeed = try()));
I'm staring at it for 5 mins and i can't figure out if i'm retarded and should drop out of uni or that statement doesn't make sense.73
Just saw a blue screen of death In the top of a taxi cab. Had no idea these kind of signs were running Windows. Why are so many companies buying licenses for Windows when they could so easily use Linux ?21
I’m reluctant to comment on the github / Microsoft thing because to be honest, the way a lot of people are reacting to it is just completely retarded, and it’s had far too much airtime.
Anyway... if you’re gonna leave GitHub because they’ve been acquired by Microsoft, then just shut up and leave. No one gives a fuck. Least of all anyone at Microsoft, because you’re probably not paying for anything there anyway.
Just fucking go to bitbucket or gitlab already... however I bet the vast majority don’t end up leaving.4
my retarded landlord upon finding out that I have neither Viber nor Skype started doubting that I'm working in IT10
I fucking hate people who tell me what i should do when they obviously dont know a fucking inch of anything related to the dev world fucking idiots ruining my day with fucking retarded orders.
I AM THE DEV UR THE FUCKING MANAGER STAY AT UR FUCKING PLACE3
I am so fucking sick of getting asked to implement special cases / features for 1 fucking customer just because the customer wants to do something differently (read fucking stupidly).
This piece of shit codebase already has easy on 500 special cases that were put in place to please some asshole who does'nt even use the feature he demanded once he realised what a wanker he was being.
Now I have to put in yet another bunch of conditional statements all over the place to pad another fucking douche bags ego.
For fuck sake can they not just use the software as it is. If some dick really wants shit his special glorious way can we not just fork the codebase give him his shit and he can stay on the same special fucking version forever without future updates because the other 99% of user aren't retarded.12
Edit: IM ALSO FUCKING RETARDED41
Yesterday I stayed at home sick. Had a bad case of the EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA FROM HELL. Was feeling ok but could not walk away from me throne.
Went in today cuz the lead was not gonna be there and shit always breaks on Freyja's day as we all know.
1 and a half hours before we clock out and go home someone calls saying that students are trying to drop from classes at the last minute and our app ain't doing it.
I "fixed" the app last week and ran a small login test. It work so I thought it was fine. Stupid me for making unprofessional and retarded assumptions.
Manager freaks out. The entire school freaks out. Coworker lols cuz he ain't got to work on it. I start mind debugging the entire bitcheridoo.
45 minutes later...and I was able to successfully go through almost 15k lines of code of php/html/js code and fucking FIXED it with tests and all for real.
Went at it hard. Babe ass manager was like 0.0 and then (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Called head office and told them everything was undr control.
Dropped the phone like a mic. Mic drop.
Then I looked at manager and coworker and said "ya I fucked up, but I am still the king"
Both nodded in agreement.
Everyone got wet with my sheer awesome troubleshooting php master skills.
Got home thinking about how boss I am.
Fucking Texas af b. Can't touch this heat. The rangers still suck and so do the cowboys. The astros and the texans don't exist because there is only room for one. Go spurs.
Still have diarrhea.
I hate this fucking front-end stuff so hard..
How DA FUCK is it possible that I set up the whole backend including DB connection, base controllers, models, base validation and stuff in an hour but don't get this fucking fucking retarded JS framework piece of shit to display a test string after ONE FUCKING HOUR!!!
Why do we need this shit anyway? Why does everything have to be shiny with some fucking animations???
It's about the information, isn't it? Then WHY DOES IT HAVE TO LOOK PRETTY???
I gonna travel back in fucking time to the early 80's!
Stupid front-end shit..23
Apple you drove of delusional suckers! When will your retarded fashion devices finally support WEBP?!
A gallery page with images, and thanks to WEBP, it's 408 kB. Because Google made WEBP and handed out a well documented CLI FOSS compression tool that even can convert the source PNGs to lossy WEBP with bloody transparency. Well done, Google!
Except that Apple's shitty management can't take it that Google actually made something nice, so no WEBP. Instead, JPEG-2000 that enjoys nearly no fucking tool support. The free tools that even can deal with that mostly don't support transparency, and the encoder sucks donkeys so that JPEG still fucks JPEG-2000 big time.
So it's JPEG with matching background for iOS. Fine, but since JPEG's blocky artifacts are much more visible, the compression can't be that high, and it's 769 kB. That's 88% more image data for Shittari than for non-retarded browsers and even Edge! EDGE!!
Oh and if the user changes light/dark system mode according to surrounding light conditions, guess what happens? Yep, since JPEG doesn't support transparency, now it's different JPEGs with dark background via the media query in the "picture" element, and it's another 754 kB download. Bloody 1523 kB instead of 408 kB, that's a factor of 3.7!
Fuck your ass Crapple, with an electric eel!19
Preface: My company took over another company. A week ago I inherited their IT.
"IT" !!!! Are you fucking kidding me?!
Their server stood at an ex employees homeoffice. So I drove to her and she had 0 idea about IT. Server was just "Running". I tore that fuck down and saw an aweful lot of Hentai in all home folders.
Not enough, their crm was a makroinfested access table. Shit was protected so I couldn't even edit the makros. The retarded fucktards hardcoded paths to serverside folder \\fuck\you\hard\cavetroll
Just so that server will never see the light of my domain! Damn you? Mothership of sisterfucking dickgirls!12
You have to wonder why our retarded education system still forces students to learn Pascal(Delphi)... 2nd most hated language in the world... I am learning this stinky pile of shit right now because I have my school-leaving exams from it tomorrow but oh man the pain...26
Python be like
"Yeah this is the absolute best beginner language to learn programming concepts"
Python also be like
"Yeah well we couldnt implement 70% of programming concepts because the ast is retarded but heres a library for drawing 3d cats with a printer"31
So I Googled "Retarded JS'"
And holy fuckkk
I found a npm module 😁
Then I Googled "Asshole JS"
Holy mother of all fuckkks
I FOUND THE COOLEST JS LIBRARY EVER 😁😂9
What's the most stupid/raging way you broke a device ?
Me? I fell asleep in my bed, while reading some rants.. on my fucking phone and broke it while sleeping on it18
God damn fucking shit.
Now I know again why I don't do apps.
This is a app as simple as can be:
Enter a link, click a button, do a http request, download a file.
BUT FUCKING HELL WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING RETARDED ANDROID?!
I'm not familiar with java but i don't care why is this so freaking unintiutiv to get shit done? Why are there thousands of ways and none works or atleast at a easy way? Make an object for this, make an object for that...
THIS IS RETARDED.
In PHP a simple "file_get_contents" would do the job. I were even down for some curl shenanigans if it were an easy implementation. BUT GOD DAMN.
URL url = new URL("http://fuckinghardcoded.com")
Oh no can't compile because that MIGHT be an invalid URL. Ok try catch this or just tell the rest of the Programm to watch out for this bad boy cause he might throw a MalformedURLException.
Ditch that and try volley. Everything is document except how to fire that queue! Does it do that by itself? Do I really have to do an override to a function while declaring? CMON ON I'M A WEBDEV IS THIS TRYING TO DO A FUCKING CALLBACK AND IS THIS TRYING TO BE AN ANONYMOUS FUNCTION??? Why is this so frustrating and confusing? I'm also mad at myself this is dropdead simple shit but I can't get it to work. Fuck this, fuck java , fuck android and fuck myself10
Removes stubborn programs? Oh by 'stubborn' you mean the kind of programs where i click on the X on a window and the default button on the confirmation dialog isn't the one that closes the window but instead I have to click on 'cancel'? Yeah I fucking hate those programs too.
The fucking cunts who write the code for this should be making subway sandwiches for a living because they don't deserve programming as a job.4
Did you know?
Ubuntu 16.04 can't build ROS.
I look retarded running a VM of Ubuntu 14 in Ubuntu 165
STARTUP IDEA GUYS SUCKS!!!!
So today one of my friend asked me to do an app for him and finally share 50 percent of the profit that I get. His idea is to build an app that can measure air pollution level, water pollution level, soil fertility range. I was like "what the hell!"... The beauty is that he wants me to pay him 50 percent for giving such (stupid, retarded) idea.
Wondering when these "startup idea guys" will realize that ideas are cheap but execution is worth the millions! Fed-up with such stupid people.13
Writing a Firefox add-on which analyzes the current webpage's links and puts a warning if one of those links to one of the prism (surveillance network) integrated services/companies.
Nearly ready enough for testing (real working version) when I suddenly realize: web pages can request resources without links.
Gotta rewrite the fucker partly now.
How fucking stupid can I be. 😐13
When you and your team just gave a thousand reasons why you should do it the right way and your PM just nodded and continue to argue for the retarded way to do it cause it's faster ..2
Language features-wise Rust has a great edge over its main competitor(which seems to be Golang even though they can't really be competitors)
Rust has a better package manager with Cargo.
It also has better documentation. It also has
Wait for it...
A better website and a non retarded looking mascot.
So, it has been 2 months and a half since I started working. So far I learned two important things.
1. Clients are fucking retards. Like really fucked up shit. I don't even understand how they got the job.
2. Working for a company is nothing like an internship. I now realize much they treated me like shit during my internship compared to my current job. I did my internship in a startup and I now work in a big multinational company, I feel way more welcome in this company than in the startup
So far I really enjoy my work and I've been learning more for the past 2 months than during my studies.6
Windows 10 as a development environment... Oh freakin' goody.
📍Multi-montor is finicky
📍Text scaling is still horribly broken
📍It takes longer to resume from standby than my old laptop takes to boot up from a cold start
📍Color matching LCD monitors is pants-on-head retarded
📍32GB of RAM isn't going to be enough...
This is going to be a long summer in corporate land.20
"I don't see women as objects, each woman is in a class of their own! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
- People who have no fucking clue how OOP works
Objects are instantiations of classes, you poor, retarded bastards. You saw those two words while skimming your 1st year college textbook, made this joke, promptly changed to some useless English degree because you cried after your "hello world" program didn't run, and never looked back to see the damage you had done.
I know the joke is the word play but word play word play puns are retarded anyways. Everything about this pun is awful.8
var date = new Date()
Mon Aug 13 2018 09:17:28 GMT+0200 (Mitteleuropäische Sommerzeit)
The management brought some devs from another outsourcing company into our project to overcome the fact that we, the existing developers, are retarded. We are retarded because they change the scope continously (aka daily) and we can’t keep track with their requests. They want something and after we implement it, they want it changed. Completely.
Instead of getting the project and deep dive into it using the materials (setup, architecture etc.) I prepared along the way, their PM said that we have to make some low level knowledge transfer. This knowledge transfer session happened on Friday.
The presenters were me and one of my colleagues. After 2 hours of training, we found out that the supposed senior devs don’t know how to use GIT, they don’t have a clue about Spring nor Angular (nor any SPA framework), their only questions were ‘why didn’t you use X?’ (where X = bootstrap, jQuery etc.) etc.
What is even funnier: during the presentation we were asked to keep a screen sharing opened during working hours for a couple of days just so the new devs could see how we are working.
Guess what happened with the scope on Friday evening: it changed again because ‘you got new devs so there will be multiple resources to handle tasks’.
2 more weeks and i’m out of there...7
Me: "ok for the following changes you must pay the following charge because it's not in the scope"
Customer: "bUt tHiS Is Not whAt I wanT, wOnT pAY thE ResT iF yoU arE nOt DoiN It blablabla"
Marketing: "please do it for him"
What's the shittiest IT company you seen ?
I'll tell one i know - it had the shittiest web site I've ever seen, they built Android app that "enables users to pray to God" , a basic shitty app with pictures of Hindu gods and a button labelled "Perform e-pooja" Also the app description said "Share the app with friends and family" to receive free Gods blessing.
Really dude?! How low can you go?...have some basic ethics!
P.S: This company came to our institution with job offers and my teacher asked why i didn't attend their interview.
No thanks, I'd rather start as freelancer and work on building my own company than wasting my life in such retarded company.3
The fucking government in my country has put 15℅ sales tax on all internet downloads and subscriptions.
As a consumer and seller, this is unacceptable.
Governments are retarded!13
Please Google, allow us to disable that retarded Google translate thing you've got going on the play store.
Seriously, 90% of the apps' short description are absolutely unreadable because they insist on translating it to my device's language even if no translating is available.
I know it's probably useful to some people (the ones who don't understand English but somehow understand the human language equivalent of spaghetti-code, which I suspect is not many), but this needs to be disable-able, it makes the experience of discovering apps extremely awkward.7
I woke up early and thaught I could finish some database work today.
Beeing tipsy I deleted two production tables and shit my pants.
Luckily I do backups since the last retarded db-deletion.8
Facebook was forcing me to use their messenger app to read my messages on my mobile. I used to get the desktop version and everything was annoying but worked.
Now they blocked this by redirecting when trying to do that.....
ARE YOU RETARDED, YOU SHITHEADED DICKS?17
Retarded client sent us 25 minutes worth of videos of "bugs". Guess I am getting cancer after I watch them. The way he works on PC, the mouse movements, the speed, ...are just magnificient. My stomach is getting more and more sick each minute passes. Pray for my health.24
"Could you make me a nice logo really quick? I have no budget"
.. sure, just let me press the "make Logo"-Button in Illustrator
Sometimes I really fucking hate this company
The code is an absolute shitshow filled with static classes, untestable and duplicate code, on top of that my boss doesn’t like open source
Yeah so i’m not allowed to use a mapping library or something because “Uhhh like uhh we don’t have a contract with the company so who knows what’ll happen when the maintainers leave the project”
I understand his reasoning but it’s an absolutely retarded reasoning especially considering most of the .NET platform is open source nowadays
Oh and he doesn’t like TDD and our only product is SAAS so imagine the amount of bugs being pushed simply because we don’t have time to write tests or even manually test, let alone refactor our horseshit codebase
AND i have to pay for gas myself which takes 200€ out of my bank account a month just for driving to work whilst I’m only getting a mediocre pay
Have a job interview tomorrow and another one on tuesday4
Fuck Android Oreo and everyone who thought that the following ideas are useful:
- xy app is running in the background notification, which can't be disabled
- xy app is overlaying other apps, click here if you wish to disable it. But you can't disable the notification, you can only disable the app.
- the un-zeroable data limit. It can't be disabled, you can only set it to a retarded high number to avoid annoying notifications
Go suck a veiny one Android devs. Fucking cunt faces.13
Asus have now decided that a removable battery is a feature people do not need anymore on a powerful laptop.
My battery or charger had a fit and blew the fuse on my charger and broke the battery, and now I have to send my laptop back because they can't send me a new battery, as replacing it myself would void the warranty.
Please for the love of all that isn't completely retarded, nobody start taking more pages out of Apple's book, even some completely non-technical people could handle changing a battery before, this benefits no one.
To make things worse, I'm on holiday right now and leaving the country for a year a few weeks after I get back, so if they can't get it back to me fast enough, I won't have the laptop for the whole bloody reason I bought it for, just because some smart arse designer has clearly never owned a laptop in their life.2
They sent me 4 challenges from hackerrank as part of the interview process, classified as easy. I'm stuck on the 3 one.
I guess I'm fucking retarded after all 😂17
Retarded senior web dev:
shouting 'STOP' to the ones who pointed out his design flaws
cannot accept a js file with more than 100 lines.
nitpicking others not limited to his owm group
eager to try bleeding edge alpha builds packages for large application
left the company before finishing the project he started2
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU ???
Galaxy S8 5.8" Quad HD+ Super AMOLED (2960x1440)
Galaxy S8+ 6.2" Quad HD+ Super AMOLED (2960x1440)
oh my fucking god, what kind of retard decided this ?
This resolution is waaaaay too much. It impacts performance and battery life a fuck ton and gives you absolutely nothing in return. I would be cordially surprised if there was someone in the world who could see more than 400 ppi. 300 is more than enough for most of the people.
God these fucks are annoying with their retarded marketing. And even more so, the people who buy these phones, because phone manufacturers can and will continue doing so.
Flagship my ass.14
Two days of running around like a headless chicken because I'm retarded... 😫4
Woke up this morning to a fucking giant snowstorm and my first reaction was 'fml' , poured some coffee , lit a smoke and started checking my work mail 'Issue xxxx response : Not solvable '...what the...I go through the files on my phone , look at what that issue was : lack of proper validation , filtering and encoding of input thus enabling xss . Not solvable my ass ...simply adding literally 3 more characters to that fucking retarded filter would stop all the bypasses . This issue is a showstopper for their project and that is what they answer ?
Sorry to indians out here but some of your colleagues are as stupid and unimaginative as they can possibly ever come .8
3 in 1
If your project needs more than three sentences to describe and the budget is not in the high four digits or preferably five, then you're clearly not fucking paying enough
Clients that just write a "?" after you wrote a very detailed tutorial, which even a fucking skunk could do, if given a fucking mouse and keyboard, are just the fucking laboratory perfection made retards
I just LOVE IT when my internet drops out for under a minute, so windows doesn't notify you yet and your sftp client trashes both local and remote files
Often I look at my seemingly perfect code 30cm away from screen, mumble "WTF", while asking me why it is not working.
My boss might think I'm retarded...
Retarded person I met today : "JS is gay cos you require strict mode for blah blah blah"
Me (and my webdev friend): pfft...
[Shows our ESLint Styling rules]
him: "o-oh... How the f-"6
*me calculating rsa*
"aight.. Public key is 9 and n"
*calculating private key*
*recalculating cause I fucked up*
*recalculating cause I'm retarded*
"ok, I figured out my private key is 9 (and n)"
.... Wait a second.1
"The laws of mathematics are very commendable but the only law that applies in Australia is the law of Australia", said Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull today.
Now what the fuck is this? Why would you propose a blanket ban on end-to-end encryption or force companies to build "secure" backdoors? At this rate retarded politicians would make our lives too difficult.
Fucking youtube ads... Showing me the same retarded ad 100s of times a day will definitely make me buy the thing, real fucking geniuses...
I am still looking for a way to block them forever on android, but I have no idea how. I've been looking for a public key or some sort of certificate in the apk so I could at least do a man in the middle, but no luck so far..14
The short story of how I'm terminally retarded.
tldr: accidentally replaced good code with empty file.
So, it's 3 o'clock. I just came from school, after an exam. I'm tired. I decide to relax and continue coding kuronbka. It works very well. In about 30 minutes my headache is gone and I'm 100% dev mode. I've implemented a simple music track, a background and ground collision. All of that. So, seven hours later, I'm finally ready to go off to sleep.
What I am supposed to do:
1) Ctrl + S
2) Close VS Code
3) Edit todo file
4) Commit and push changes to GitHub.
Please note, this is done almost automatically. I don't watch what I'm doing.
What my dumbass does:
4) Close VS Code
5) Commit and push changes to GitHub.
Once again, it's done automatically by me, in one go. I didn't check any code. 3 minutes later I see that ASM file is 0kb. Something is up. Check GitHub. File is empty. Shit. Desperately go to VS Code try to Ctrl+Z but unsurprisingly it doesn't work.
Thank you for reading and I suggest you leave your diagnosis down below.16
Well, the impossible needs to become possible again.
"you will shit out a full website for this customer in two days! Fully responsive, 16 pages, and it better be good!"
Yeah. Ok. Fuck you. My attitude stinks, but your expectations and temperament kind of forge my attitude. Now tell me how in fucks name i am supposed to just stop administering over 3000 users and god only knows the ever growing amount of servers, stop all my server side development, so that I can make a site for a customer paying the company the equivalent of $100 for it (because sales people here are retarded) and get zero fucking commission or even a thank you for it.
Nah. Fuck this.
Tired of complaining, and I'm sure you guys are just as tired of it.6
Okay, first rant here.
Spend most of my morning searching for a js file that was supposed to build some graphs in a report page in this legacy system (still in active development) just to find it embedded inside a random .php file being included inside a wall of if-elses (that shit has around 100 lines) on the index.php (that somehow manages to route all the nonsense that's going on there).. was it really that difficult to make it a proper .js file? and actually import it on the page that is using it? c'mon...4
So Linus Torvalds is stepping away from his creation to get himself reprogrammed to be better accommodating over leftist nonsense. I'm also reading that retarded manifesto right now (https://postmeritocracy.org), and holy shit, one of the signatories is Linus Torvalds daughter. The fuck is wrong with you white people? Are we seriously halting back scientific/technological progress for these loons? Holy shit.
What fucking ever, at least I'm not white. Worse comes to worst, I'll just go back home, take back what I've learned here, and hopefully avoid the mistakes Western society is killing themselves over these days.13
I don't think I'm smart, but why most of the people are so retarded??
They want to just make the code work and skip home!
Not caring about how their code effects the whole system!3
Trying to find Python documentation for Microsoft's fucking retarded CRM is about as fun as brushing my peehole with a toothbrush. Fuck.5
Is anyone else hard on themselves when making a console application since it’s not as fancy as a GUI application? Idk why but I am. But like I prefer the console applications for performance and simplicity but I’m still hard on myself idk
TLDR I’m retarded
Also thanks to one of my last posts comments for clarifying it should be at the bottom
TLDR2 I’m even more retarded5
I know most people will be unable to relate here, but FUCK THE FRENCH PC KEYBOARD LAYOUT
FUCK YOUR STUPID ASS ALT-GR (right alt that acts as modifier while the other alt is used for shortcuts, but can't be combined with ctrl because that would make an alt-gr) THAT GIVES YOU ACCESS TO | ON THE F*IN 6 KEY AND \ ON THE F*IN 8. FUCK YOUR USELESS ASS ² KEY, THAT ONLY WORKS AS A ². NOBODY EVER USED THAT KEY FOR ANYTHING OTHER THAN COMPLAINING THAT "you know, I really hate the ² key, it's absolutely useless"
THE MAC LAYOUT IS 100 TIMES BETTER, WITH MORE GLYPHS ACCESSIBLE WITHOUT THAT RETARDED "special characters" MENU. WHOEVER DESIGNED A KEYBOARD THAT REQUIRES PEOPLE TO USE THAT MENU EVER IS THE ONE I'D CALL SPECIAL. NEVER HAVE PEOPLE REFRAINED FROM BUYING A MAC BECAUSE OF THAT LAYOUT, SO START USING THAT LAYOUT INSTEAD OF THAT RETARDED, ANTI-DEV PC LAYOUT...
Here's the French PC keyboard layout, notice how every useful key for devs have been placed to maximize annoyance, minimize typing efficient and accelerate ergonomically related diseases11
Fucking professors, they think could play ping pong with students. I started my thesis on ransomware but these meaningless biological creatures who is my relator sent me to another one who sent me to another one who sent me to the first professor. After almost three weeks I have nothing done so i switched professor and thesis argument to neural networks (TensorFlow, Theano, Keras, Caffe and other) and now they wants me back and one of them said that he is offended. Fucking retarded, I have to graduate and I'm working hard to do it in september, if you were a little bit interested I could have collect some material to study in august sacrifing even the summer but you mock me, but rightly it's my career and my money, it doesn't care to you. You deserve to get stuck in an infinite loop of pian.4
My developer career has ended before I even start. After failing to get a job, I have started a business men services company. Maybe in the future, I will include software development to the business. So no more rants from my side at least for one year.
Fuck you all fucking retarded companies who wants junior developers with the same experience of senior developers.6
WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ONLY KEEPING THE LAST 10 BUILD ARTIFACTS IN ARTIFACTORY?!
THAT IS LITERALLY THE OPPOSITE OF HOW YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO USE IT
NOW I CAN'T ROLL BACK PROD CHANGES TO A WORKING VERSION BECAUSE IT LITERALLY DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE
FUCK YOU, IT'S YOUR FIRE NOW9
I hate it when people sort numbers in a drop down box like so:
[1, 10, 11, 12...19, 2, 20, 21...29, 3, 30, 31...]
This is just pure infuriating...5
I'll just start off with how I really feel. Fuck big corporations with their career robots and retarded practices!
Now for a story. So I work remotely for most of the time nowadays, since my company has as clients big corporations. Used to be embedded with said clients, but it became kind of painful to work with them all so I asked to be reassigned to a remote position.
Now for the retarded part: The fucking Klingons I'm working with have two tiers to their VPN, but won't let me have the full version because it would be too fucking expensive. I checked and it's fucking 50 bucks per year difference.
So for that the Klingons are making me code through a remote connection that has a "best effort" priority.
Anyway after 3 weeks of writing code at a 400-600ms latency I finally snap.
I try to use a proxy and it. I write one myself, gets balcklisted in 2 days.
After about another week of writing code through a fuck straw I start working on node socket with 2 clients and a server that encrypts the send data, and syncs 2 folders between my workstation and the remote one.
It's been a month now and it is still working. It's not perfect, but I can at least write code without lag.
Question for you peeps: What shenanigans have you pulled to bypass shit like this?4
The fact people are still tryna have Android phones vs iPhone debates is retarded. Just use the got damn phone and get over yourself thinking it fucking matters.16
FUCK YOU PHP, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU GIVE ME DECEMBER 1ST WHEN I DO
strtotime('-1 month', '12/31/2015)
USING DateTime PRODUCES THE SAME FUCKING RESULT. ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED OR WHAT?
YEAH I KNOW NOVEMBER DOESN'T HAVE 31ST BUT YOU COULD AT LEAST RETURN 30TH OR EVEN RAISE A WARNING, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.10
Fuck Googles SafetyNet.
I wish for every developer who is responsible for this pile of shit to choke to death on a big fucking piece of chocolate.
SafetyNet is the most retarded piece of software that has ever been developed in the past decade. It does nothing but annoy everyone, randomly block people for no reason and being a gigantic pain in the ass. It has no purpose existing. The entire purpose of it simply does not make sense and is only used for marketing bullshit. The last thing I would trust my actually important shit with is a phone.
Fuck you, Google. Fuck you.6
Providing a web site to pay electricity and other services, but guess what? THE CONNECTION IS NOT SeCuRe !! (What can possibly can go wRoNg).
This retarded country have a lot of skilled people, but the dinosaurs who in charge are literally afraid of new technology.
Wake up bitches, it's almost 2020
I'm done win10. Was updating 5 different games when windows restarts without having said anything yey let's update those 10 gb again. F*ck you windows14
i really wish Python would not have the presence it has on Machine Learning. I can think of a handful of languages that would be better suited for it and even though I don't hate Python it has a lot of things that just make me say uuuuuuugh when writing it. It al comes down from this: treating syntactic whitespace in a special way is fucking retarded.11
Not only did my boss insist on setting up roles and permissions for our app how he designed them, even after I spent 4 or 5 hours trying to convince him to let me do it differently, but he has now fucked our entire system.
Under this model of roles and permissions you cannot enforce them on the backend by any means, and now we have a service dealing with users including resetting passwords and changing details that does not use authentication. That's right, aurhe tocation and not even talking about authorization now. Good job.
I honestly wish companies like this would get hacked and fucked over as soon as they did it wrong because I can't believe how retarded some people are.3
I finally heard a retarded question on a job interview. I thought they were just jokes.. I was wrong!
What kind of a question is "how would your friends describe you?"..
They'd say I'm fucking awesome, did you expect a different answer?
Or when I gave them a referral, my previous boss, and they asked me what would he say about me.. well fuck me sideways, I have no idea.
And one of the last ones, "tell us your three top qualities that would make us hire you". What kind of information does such a question even give them? Are they testing me how well I can lie? Because I can't, and others that can lie will give a better answer, regardless of the reality.
And they were even taking notes after these questions.
Other than that, nice company. I really want to start working there soon.6
*Client changes products config*
*Client raises issue about his own outcome*
I spent 2 fucking days on code while issue was configuration2
I've got three 2-hour exams tomorrow back-to-back. I've been studying my ass off all week.
How the fuck is the College administration allowed to put student like me into this retarded and needlessly challenging predicament?
Guess I'll be drinking plenty of red bull tomorrow... 😰8
I know politics is not allowed here, but I have to share this gem with you.
One day before the election for the European parliament the website of the German city Bochum showed a wrong bar diagram with false results of the election for a few seconds.
Everyone was loling. But I was like WTF? They were testing in production. And also they included data were the party AFD had about 50% of the votes. Are they retarded or so?5
Fuck-a-doodle-do Fuck Fuck Fuck what a fucking dipshit. Scared the god damn shit out of me.
So I am deep in code, listening to my music pounding out some code and Drupal configurations and I feel a shadowy draft over my right side like someone is watching me.
I work with a guy that will not for the fucking life of me use Slack to send me a message when I have my headphones on or at all for that matter.
He gets up and walks to my cubicle and just stares with a goofy fucking grin on his face. You know the one. LIke a retarded fucking dog eating shit out of a wire brush. Yeah that's the grin. Silently derping with his fucking derp ass Derp McDerpington face waiting on you to turn around an notice him there instead of knocking on the cubicle wall or waving to get your attention.
The FUCK dude? CreepyPasta2
I'm a web dev who decided to take a shot at mobile development (My first mobile app mind you). I'm writing a mobile app and one of it's features is communicating to my server via websockets.
So I write the code, click to send the data and my server doesn't receive it. Fuck. I check why. I log everything. Nothing.
I spend several of hours and I'm exhausted by this point so i call one of our mobile developers to help me. Turns out my emulator didn't have a WiFi module. FUCK.
Alright so I compile it to an apk and install it on my phone. I popped open a terminal and started my local node server.
I click on the mobile app...
NOTHING LOGS. FUUUUUUCK.
And this is the best part.
Apparently I deleted the console.dir call from my server that executed when it received some data from an emitter.
I only thought of this last night at 2am so I got up and checked. Yep. Kill me.1
Holy duck, I lost two days on a convolutional autoencoder splitted in two separate neural networks to encode and decode separately, it reconstruction had some strange behaviours. I was giving as input an image and then saving the encoded compressed representation in a new image, in this way I could decode it with the decoder whenever I want saving space.
How much retarded am I?
The internal layer's weights hadn't constraints so in learning phase the convolutional filters can contain any number, positive > 255 or even negative and I cannot save it in a new image as they are so they were clipped automatically between 0 and 255 with an huge information loss.
It's so frustrating when you rewrite the code in any possible way, you obtain the same wrong result and then you realize that was a borderline behaviour of a third part library.1
After exhaustive talking to my boss, who always expresses the same concerns, we always end up agreeing that we need to separate development across our coworkers competences ...
We are even gonna hire a full front-end developer this time (as we did with the last 3 hires)..
And what did he do you may ask...
Put our front ender in charge of:
- Build a api in python
- Build the front-end
- 2 months deadline
The front ender is smart and is constantly asking me stuff and learning a lot.
But wtf boss? I could do it in no time...
I literally spent this whole week doing nothing, waiting for some approvals...
He is making everyone unmotivated as fuck ...
I'm starting to wonder pretty fucking every time if he is genuinely retarded.6
Someone: FYI, Db is down(ticket link)
Otherone: Can anyone help me connecting
with db? I am having issues.
I am so happy I am leaving this place in 2 months.... 😂😂1
*turns on the TV*
*pop-up blows up in my face: "you have a new message"*
*confusingly presses "View"*
Msg: *Do you know why *some random shit show of a movie* is the most viewed? You can rent it in our video store*
YOU MOTHER FUCKING BRAINLESS ASSHOLES!!! I'M PAYING FOR THAT FUCKING SUBSCRIPTION! MY FUCKING MONEY!! MINE! WHICH I CHOSE TO GIVE TO YOU FOR A VERY SPECIFIC SERVICE!! DO NOT PUSH YOUR BRAINDEAD, GREEDY BULLSHIT ON ME!!! IF I'LL WANT TO WATCH A GOOD MOVIE I'LL FIND IT MY SELF! YOU ARE TO FUCKING RETARDED TO TELL WHAT A GOOD MOVIE IS!!!
GOD DAMN ADS PUSHING SHIT HEADED PEASANTS!!1
For anyone that uses Dev.to,
Do you agree with their rosy mentality of all inclusiveness? I think they take it a to an extreme.
I've seen multiple dev posts where someone (as an example) created an application called brogrammer for lifting weights and literally all comments were "the name is not inclusive omg, y do this" and berating their fellow dev because they named their app something that is little bit more masculine and straying away from the no gender posts. Its retarded imo.15
Ran Windows RAM diagnostic tools because I was too lazy to get my Linux USB-stick. Ran for 20 minutes, restarted - "There are hardware problems present."
NO SHIT. No info how many errors, no log file mentioned, no code or anything. Something happened. How retarded can a diagnostic tool be?
Guess laziness gets you punished immediately...1
This bloated buggy piece of shit
This fucking piece of bull dick that runs efficiently as much as a legless cockroach this motherfucker thinks its offline even though its in the motherfucking browse screen and I have a 4.5g connection (this retarded cunt) fills space faster than a hot gas released in a vacuum chamber just to fix its goddamn internet bug I have to reboot my damn phone. I see so many damn bugs in this shitty app that I think they rolled back to the alpha versions sometimes if I had any other god damn alternatives (google music is not available where Im from fuck you too google) the only thing I would give them would be my middle fingers. It just fucking froze on me while I'm just trying to listen to my Retrowave playlist while I fucking get ready for bed FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU YOU RETARDED INFECTION FILLED CUNT I WOULD PUT A BIKE CHAIN ON MY DICK AND RAM YOU WHILE WE ARE TIED TO A CAR THAT DRIVES OFF OF A CLIFF IF YOU WEREN'T AN INCOMPETENTLY PUT TOGETHER 1S AND 0S6
Is there a worst piece of junk than Sharepoint? 32gb ram on a dedicated server, clean install... Runs like a dead cat that was ran over by a train several times and full of retarded errors... Sigh...
I'll just go ram my head against the wall for a while2
FUCK THIS GUY AND WHOEVER ELSE THINKS AI HAVING THE ABILITY TO PROGRAM IS A GOOD IDEA OR SUPPORTS IT OR TRIES TO DO IT. ITS NOT AND NEVER GOING TO BE A GOOD IDEA! AI ISNT DANGEROUS UNLESS YOU DO THIS KIND OF STUPID SHIT, DO YOU WANT US TO DIE? DO YOU WANT TO REPLACE YOUR OWN JOB WITH SOME AI? ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED?45
First software refactoring in the company I worked for. No test environnement because "who needs it?", no unit testing, no comments, had to make sql updates and shit, was scared all day long that something would fuck up.
"Fuck fuck fuck, forgot a part of the where !" Had to fix everything quickly so no one would notice, no coffee/smoke pauses. On top of that, got a ton of retarded requests from the PM and other technicians working with me like "hey boi, could you add an icon to every button we made? There's like a thousand, we need it for tonight, our client will come visit us and I want to show him a better interface blablabla"
And since I was an intern, I couldn't refuse, had to work like a prostitute in virgin-land, and for what?
"Oi, you did good, now do other stuff"1
If you think your legacy code is bad - this is what I came across in a system I'm refactoring this morning... and this isn't even the bug I was looking for.1
Fucking outlook, can't even render simple html.
Our company wanted a custom newsletter to send to our clients. Before vacation I dropped a few guidelines to our designer, how our newsletter should look. 640px width, common fonts for everyone to render properly, stuff like that. To my fucking surprise they managed to create the most designed newsletter I've seen. Custom font, custom letter sizings, negative row gaps, pixel to pixel image locations. After writing custom html for it and managing to get all perfectly in 3 hours, to my surprise I found out, that outlook is broken. FML
Now everything must be redesigned and simplified, just because I was naive enough to think, that all mail clients manage to render simple HTML...11
People that upgrade to Windows 10 FREE by going to the... "special needs category"(people with special needs that could use the new things that Windows 10 has... like Cortana), but are perfectly normal... don't be ashamed of that... you were retarded enough to upgrade to Windows 10, so it's justified...5
Dude what the fuck with C#'s code style?
Pascal case variable names and classes? Don't we do this so we can differentiate between variables and classes??
Newline between parentheses and brackets?
Retarded auto get/ set methods that serve no purpose than to make code difficult to read and debug?
And after all that shit, string, which is a class, has a lowercase s and is treated as if a primitive?
I really have no idea why this language is so widely praised. The only thing I like about it is that it's the only major bytecode language that has operator overloading and reference parameters.21
When you have a telephone interview for a Software Developer job and say something completely retarded within the first 20 seconds...4
If you think your app/code is too buggy and you feel ashamed, try Microsoft's lazy buggy retarded not user-friendly Skype for Business and you'll restore your confidence1
Fuck! This is why I can't diet.
I can't get shit done, because I keep getting more things to fix. And I'm not talking everyday fixes, this is just plain retarded.
The asshole that my client hired thinks he's a dev. Takes projects that are working and makes small changes. Simply for him to say "I took this project and updated it for our needs."
Then when that shit eventually starts failing, I'm expected to fix it. It's not even that it takes me a long time to fix it. It's just that I'm looking at this thinking "Why are you not working?" Only to later find that, of course, it's been modified. By. Mr. Fucking. Dumbass.
How Mark Zuckerberg tells Bill Gates that his company is retarded.
Whatsapp works with M$ Edge 13+
DOWNLOAD THE LATEST VERSION OF WINDOWS 10 or use Google Chrome, Firefox... 😂😂😂 -- No. you can't just download M$ Efge 13+ it won't work7
Here’s a letter for you.
First of all, thank you for the stable job and advantages we have as a small business in the middle of the alps.
Following that, FUCK YOU.
Why? Because of the retarded clients I have to deal with because they’re your friends. Because I have to spend more energy doing fucking politics instead of doing IT. We have people that like t bla bla. Send them, not me.
Close me in a basement with a computer, a bunch of screens, a comfortable chair and a package of cigarettes. I’ll write Google from scratch for you if I need to (not sure I could at all). But please, stop fucking sending me to morons with the same IQ level of a sheep. And sheeps are more clever sometimes.
And last but not the least. Learn to fucking dress accordingly. We’re not in a gay pride but in a business.8
FUCK YOU MICROSOFT
GO FIX YOUR FUCKIN C# METHODS
Language felt good but jesus fuckin christ.
HOW YOUR File.Exists() can be so retarded jesus fuckin christ
I mean god, how retarded can it be when i obtain the current directory with your builtin method (System.Environment.CurrentDirectory) attach to it the directory name with the images i need and I ALWAYS GET FALSE ABOUT ITEMS THAT ARE FUCKIN THERE.
Fix your fuckin encodings too, suckers.6
It seems like sensitive websites that need more priority to work fine are the ones that do not. I'm talking about government, school, bank, & service provider sites. Or it's just my retarded country.9
This Udacity course I'm taking for Android development thinks I'm too fucking retarded to use Variables. They also "taught" me that i++ exists. Java Knowledge is required for the course.
Ubuntu: Lulz your trackpad drivers don't work and there's no solution other than compiling them yourself or something it might not even work because it's for a different model but just hope and pray ok? also your wifi obviously fucking won't work. What, are you retarded?
Manjaro: Ye I gotchu. Mouse works outta the box. WiFi too10
Guys, jetbrains ide isint that awesome afterall....
So, one time retarded me was coding an android app, and that retard knew that text shouldn't be hardcoded. So its fine and all... BUT i used string and now i decided to add a spinner and guess what? Now i need to get those values into array...
I know what you guys are thinking: "its ur fault, dont blame jetbrains"
Fucking jetbrains cant undock shit!!!! Well, i guess notepad to the rescue...8
Seriously, can we just all agree and fuck Epic Games? And also their shitty EAC. RIP Rocket League on Linux. What's next? Oh wait...there is almost nothing left...
The best thing how they act like their retarded Store is better than Steam. You can suck my dick idiots.11
It’s worst Friday ever:
Some fucking piece of shit retarded dick trailer started drilling office’s windows at the fucking morning, that my head started hurt from that terrible loudness. Not enough that, this motherfucking douchewaffle voyeur comes inside and opens all fucking windows, and you know what? He chose the coldest day of the week, and I am now sitting here just with t-shirt freezing, trying to be productive...5
WooCommerce is shit
Just try to find anything in the documentation on their retarded website and you will get what I am talking about.
A billion of unstructured links. With absolutely no sidebar or table of contents.
IMPOSSIBLE to find any fuck there.
It is far easier to build an e-store from scratch, than to customize their ugly monster.
Now look Laravel or PHPunit documentation to compare how it should be.
Our only pretty good and uderpayed graphic designed did not get raise so in few days he found company that offered him 1.5 more as starting wage.. Now we will be left with no designer and half of our project being behind schedule cause of unfinished graphic design.. losing 4x more than was raise that designer asked for...
Srsly there are greedy bosses.. then there are retarded bosses... but when Greedy retards run company it is next level idiocracy4
When you get this great idea at 2 am, code it out and the next day you wonder why you even bother to be a developer
> Opens heroku
> Opens application
> *this pipeline does not have an owner*
> *internal screaming*
> "Ah okay, heroku is retarded"
> *sigh of relief*2
Hate when one of the devs get personally offended cause I log some bugs about his part of the app.. I know it is your child, nothing about you, it's a bit retarded, and doesn't do well with other kids.. :/
For God's sake why can't you just keep consistency across your fucking files? I have to parse 3 different XML files from the same source where I have "ZipCode", "zipCode" and "Code" for the same thing.
Not to mention that the file that contains all the streets in the country have literally one street node for every motherfucking street. Not one city parent and multiple street children that would make sense and would be faster to parse, but clearly that wasn't your intention you retarded cunt.2
FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING CUNTS.
The next time you upgrade your piece of shit application on iOS and remove stuff from their place which makes me search all the way your crap battery vacuum application until i fuckin find it i will come to your office find that dumb zuckerberk and push the fuckin chair he sits at down to his throat.
Same goes for your retarded website.
Fuck I can't even. Remember all those rants (mine included) about how users are quite retarded and only report "omg smth wrong, help" without any explanaition or screen shot, or even worse WITH A WORTHLESS CROPPED OUT SCREENSHOT?!
USERS I GET, BUT FUCKING SENIOR DESKTOP SUPPORT GUY DOING SAME RETARDED IT DOES NOT WORK CAN U HELP THING IS MADDENNNNIINNGG
LEARN TO FUCKING READ THE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS IN THE FUCKING ERROR DESCRIPTION, YES?
I hate those mother fucking, Cock sucking, dick farting retarded faggots, who get the opportunity of a new job/internship just because they have a certain "relative" in the said company/organisation.
I mean its ok that you are getting an opportunity, but just don't act all-knowing-god-tier while you don't even know how to print a statement in c++ and got it.
How many more relationships should I increase of mine so that I get into the same position like them.
One of my friends got the internship just because his girlfriend's brother works for the firm.
Now that's just super barbaric unless he gave a blowjob to the gf's brother.
Their Fucking assholes need to be drilled by a giant pile drivers.5
I didn't realise just how retarded people are when they call tech support.
Working combined line 1/2 tech support and people just describe shit in the most unhelpful way ever.2
Getting tired of Apple's shit3
I never understood how people have any problems with getting paid for freelancing work, when middleman/escrow platforms like upwork exist, just don't be retarded when applying for a job. I am so sick of those shit ass stories from people telling me "my client didnt pay meeee 😭😭😭" ITS YOUR FAULT. I never had any client not paying, if you don't have the option of escrow, then just fucking put remote execution via "update" system in for fucks sake or give remote control to the client while monitoring it, there is so much fucking ways to secure yourself, just don't be retarded and many clients instantly show their character when talking budget and turnaround time.15
Fucking multilanguage mind.
My language capability is literally splitting in half making me more and more retarded/incapable in both languages (my native and English).
The main reason is that my daily reading and listening is mostly in English(and happen online) meanwhile I work and have to interact at the job in native language, which is much less demanding of native language interactions because I code in silence 😣
If only the native language content was as good and as interesting as the English one, but Italy doesn't an alternative to hackernews, FUCK ME7
Fuck, really FUCK the fucking MySQLWorkbench on Mac.
Useless piece of shit.
I fucking touched some fucking buttons and now I can't have my view back with query editor, output results, and schema view.
A fucking hour wasted restarting this shit of a tool touching things, nothing. All to execute a fucking stupid query.
I NEED to work, not to understand how your stupid GUI works, designed by a cripple mind with poor IQ and developed by retarded24
Am I the only one that can't stand non-maximized windows on Windows but hate maximized windows on Mac?
Could this be a psychological phenomenon in which the designs of these systems make you use them in a specific way? Or am I just retarded?
Anyone else does the same?9
Im a junior android dev working in a startup. Wasted whole week on trying to parse some retarded json data generated by junior backend guy.
Im talking about objects with other objects as their elements, no use of arrays.
In the end had to redo his data in proper order so I could parse properly. Fkin waste of time.
At least now I know how to do his work, and won't be afraid to confront him with detailed criticism.2
Best client I have ever experienced. Kappa
So, I got job to recreate one old website, because the old one was incredibly fucked up. She told us, it was made by someone retarded.
The code was fucked up even more than UI. It was definitely written by some kind of idiot. Diacritics, mixed languages, no OOP, no FW, just copy&paste. Yeah copy and paste for every page.
The DB was another level of shit. Inifine is not enough to describe it. Column names with whitespace, diacritics, uppercase, lowercase...pure hell. Yeah and I had to import it.
Whenthe new website was ready for testing I got an email from her that it was her who made the website... HER!! Fucking hell, no more of this please!1
I have a gitlab instance behind a reverse proxy at gitlab.mydoman.pizza (yeah my TLD is .pizza 😎🍕). I have a personal site hosted on GitHub pages. I have a CNAME record in GitHub repo pointing to mydomain.pizza. I have 4 A records on my domain registrar pointing to the GitHub pages server IP addresses. now both mydomain.pizza and myusername.github.io both go to my gitlab instance??¿¿ what the fuuuuuckkkkk?¿?¿3
Replaced a colleague's busted HDD and gave him the old one to copy over stuff.
When I came back, the guy was about to copy over the root folder of the old one over the new one .... And I mean 'drag and drop' not even 'cp -r'
What a fucking retarded dickhead the laravel creator is, after having multiple hours/days of checking and asking people, we figured out, that apparently you cant mix variablenames in lumen afterall (like the docs are saying), so either you stick with the same variablenames you have in your route, make them all something different or you get fucked by random variables taking dominance and replacing the order completely. You'd think one can just make a PR to the docs on github and submit as much information as possible and it'll be fixed, right? no, you cant, that fucking blown balloony retard just closes it immediately with the notice of "I believe this is already noted in docs" - although it isn't thats the whole point you fucking blow up doll, how the fuck are people supposed to know your piece of shit will fuck the order completely, just because of one thing that isn't mentioned anywhere!3
Anyone else work on a project that ends up taking all your time since it is way harder than you thought, but when it comes to talking about it to your supervisor you realize just how easy it really is and you just look stupid in front of the person youre explaining it to?4
"let's put an advert right next to the login/registration area so everyone can see the ads"
Thanks for reminding why I love adblock, how retarded you are and why you should never be allowed to touch ux/ui.
f your theory about users != customers.
Hope better ads standards slaps in your face, HARD1
Why do corporate douchebags keep hiring fucking cheap ass local hardware companies? What is this mysterious fucking attraction they have towards shitty IT?
My fucking phone literally has more RAM than my work laptop. I want to go home earlier just so I can get some actual work done on my non retarded personal laptop.
Really crossing my fingers at the idea of an Iphone SE2 :( i really want that to happen.
I don't really like retarded big phones and there aren't that many options in the Android area that I like.
And no, I ain't a fucking fan boy. It can be a windows phone and if i dig it i'll buy it.9
Maybe you already know it and I’m just retarded.. but if not, try out kodi + Exodus add-on👌
Most comfortable streaming I’ve ever experienced.
(Here in my country streaming is completely legal so no hate please:))4
to;dr: I think I'm retarded. I don't know how to networking.
got Proxmox set up on my server... sorta. I suck at networking. I bought a domain name, and I'm trying to have each container have a subdomain of the domain name I bought. each container has a unique internal IP address, but they all share the host's public IP address. so after a couple hours of googling, I THINK what I need to do is run a reverse proxy server on the public IP and route each subdomain manually to an internal IP address with something like nginx..... or am I retarded?4
Yesterday had fogged mind all day long. I felt like the biggest r-word in the world. Couldn't even map some simple API arrays.
Tool Laterus just makes me woke AF.
Been coding hard today since I turned on the pc1
I feel retarded...
After getting a new hard drive late at night bcoz my old one went kaboom, I put it in the case, wired it up but it wouldn't work, I tried connecting it to different SATA ports with different cables etc.. This went for 20 minutes and then I realized that the drive wouldn't even start spinning, then I discovered I hadn't connected it to the PSU. Fuck my life and fuck my retardeness.
I use a DasKey Ultimate with blank keycaps at work and people always ask how the hell I can work with that board. I recently bought a Happy Hacking Pro for my tablet/laptop and I must ask the same question to those who daily drive these..
How the fuck do you deal with this retarded layout??
I used the dip switches to at least change the Del to BS but the physical key is stupid small, the control key position is just idiotic and no dedicated arrows? I use VIM and my work desktop is Linux and I come from a UNIX background. Still makes no sense.
Did you ever had to integrate a fucking "API" that is done via mail bodies?
Fuck this shit! Who need responses about success or failure?! Guess this will take a long time to test this fucking piece of garbage... We don't get a test system, we need to test this with the production system of the other company. I hope their retarded application crashes when receiving malicious mails.
Not speaking about security, I bet everyone can send a mail to their stupid mail address and modify their data 🙈
And inside of this crap mail you also have to send the name, street and email of their company. Why do you fucking need this information?!1
Starting college soon.. I'm really hoping I dont get one of those shit teachers that doesnt actually know what they're talking about..8
I'm so fucking done with this shit. If someone forgets every git command every single fucking tim le is ok to ask. Every time someone asks advice on how to write a fucking retarded workaround (out of lazyness, because fixing their own code is too much to ask), it'a ok.
The *ONE* fucking time i ask the name of the fucking function to generate a filter via code using their fucking cms? "you should do that via gui!" "who cares if there'll be conficts with git, just manually redo everything in production!".
God fucking dammit how can you even have the balls to complain about terrible planning and stuff not working if that's your fucking mantra?!2
enrolled in a maaters of CS with a concentration in A I and it has all been bullshit. poorly made lectures, retarded lecturers, unwilling to help staff and just overall shit experience. Thinking about switching concentration before they ruin any hope i have for A.I before it becomes too late. legit considering if i need the mcs for anything else than job prospects for which i already have a really good paying job for which it is virtually impossible to get rid of me(i hold the entire department) man........ really want to drop out4
So apparently windowses "mirror drive" functionality is garbage. It is supposed to work like raid 1 and write data to two partitions simultaneously, but instead it randomly selects a drive and then proceeds to copy over the whole more recent drive image onto the older one daily at 3 am, thus writing a terrabyte of data to one of my drives daily. Thanks Microsoft!2
Does anyone enjoy their Windows development laptop? I fight with it so much. I would be happy to smack it hard with a hammer for all of the embarrassing things it has done in front of customers.
They are trusting me to build a multi million dollar system yet for some reason I can't join a Skype meeting, or my mic doesn't work, or the scaling on screen makes everything look oversized.
What am I supposed to say? "Trust me to build your system. I swear I'm not as retarded as I appear."15
Don't you just love it when you spend 2 days carefully configuring a stack on AWS CloudFormation and then deploy it, hoping everything goes fine, just to realize you didn't change the region ON THE MOTHERFUCKING TOP BANNER!!!!!... and now you have to delete everything and redeploy it... no? well I love this...I truly do...I'm not mad, not at all...
Do I think this is a retarded interface, you say? YES I do...
Am I mad? PHffff...not AT ALL!!!
What's that? Why is my eye twitching? Because of happiness...I'm so full of joy it's coming out of my eyes...in the form of twitching...and tears...
You know those Jolly go lucky fucking always happy and usually slightly retarded ppl?
Yeah those, try having one of them thinking you're a free tech hotline..
My head hurts from all that brightness and stupidity that person emits -_-
So just got news via comments about retarded devs leaving twilio creds. in their apps published to the app stores, attached below is an interesting snap of the document appthority has published, wonder who is getting beat up right now for leaking corporate meetings 😶4
When your legacy retarded old as fuck frameworks are slowly dying and instead of migrating to new backend framework, losing some money but improving quality of our products dipshits in charge hire vue.js developer to try to replace jquery with vue just to keep this 10 years old legacy zombie crap alive for 2 more years..
How can you be this fucking retarded greedy motherfucking morons... it shouldnt even be possible3
Hey maybe a retarded question but if I buy a new motherboard, can I just plug my hard drive back in and have it run no problems?23
Partner wants to hire a freelance consultant for iOS development, (because I cant make anything out of their retarded ecosystem), on my advise.
After a year im still getting paid 0$/h, and we have to hire someone...
Is this the point where i wear a dunce hat?3
22.30 PM: "Please ceheck all the points in (30 pages long extremely bad and scarce) documentation. Import doesn't work and customer is pretty unhapy."
me: "So do we have an error or am I searching for a needle in a haystack?"
PM: "Just general error."
FFS i'm sick of this. I can't even test the import because it's on a stupid retarded 3rd party software that expexts CRs on new lines and craps all over the place if it sees a Line Feed&#^$/!&@$&'
Biggest aha! moment was when i understood rust's borrowing and how much of a retarded piece of shit it was and then went back to scala yesterday7
welcome to my review of windows 10 and the surface 3
windows 10 and surface tablets are utter S H I T
my mom has a surface 3 and it's the most frikin retarded piece of hardware I've ever used
the keyboard spontaneously stops working and the surface needs to be restarted to fix it
today it was spontaneously restarting for no reason
it is shit
and retarded win10 preinstalls shit like candy crush, seriously who tf wanted that
it opens frikin links in edge EVEN WHEN CHROME IS THE DEFAULT BROWSER SHIT
What do you mean you sent a fucking mail about it? Theres a reason we have case systems with case fucking numbers. Its so that we can keep track of different customers, which is crucial for day to day operations. You retarded fucking fuck.
At my school, there was this thing called avid, it was basically English lesson, replacing one of your electives.
I didn't do avid, but everyone I knew did, (I thought it was for idiots lol).
I was told, three was A FULL HOUR LESSON on HOW TO SHAKE SOMEONE'S HAND.
Not sure if kids are dumb, it if teachers/country/curriculum are retarded
Fuck the ISP and the incompetent retarded developers in the government!
The retarded ISP is injecting malware ads on all web pages which means if you access a non HTTPS site, you're gonna get fucked.
And the retarded government site still do not have HTTPS version for the websites!
The biggest irony is that this particular government site is for developers to register for courses ( paid ) about latest technologies.1
yesterday wrote a huge part of logic. a colleague from other continent said there is a bug. sent me request data, server logs, but I couldn't find what's wrong yesterday.
today I arrived at work and checked it another time and it doesn't work.
"well, maybe he is not that retarded after all!"2
Im in the 7th episode of a tutorial on youtube about MonoGame. I still dont understand why hes doing as he is, or what its really doing.
Theres 2 possible reasons.
a. Its because i havent seen proper results and had my hands on it.
b. Im retarded1
Man it is retarded how VS re-aligns your precompile statements to the BEGINNING OF THE FUCKING LINE EVERY TIME YOU ADD A NEW ONE.
Why does it do that in the first place, it looks ugly when it’s not in-line with the code, fucking stop it.
Which fucking cunt keeps thinking putting redo on ctrl+shift+z or some other retarded shortcut is a good idea
Lost a whole paragraph of technical explanation because I didn't realize and then couldn't redo my panic undo 😠11
I really like coding for scientific purposes. It unites my big passions (natural sciences/engineering/coding). And I like the feeling of empowering someone to do research. BUT BESIDES DEALING WITH DUMB FEATURE REQUESTS, THERE IS NO WORSE PAIN THAN HEARING PHD CANDIDATES FUCKING SAY RETARDED STUFF. HOW DID YOU EVEN WON THE SCHOLARSHIP FOR THE PHD YOU DENSE SON OF A BITCH (NICE JOB ACADEMIC ENVIRONMENT BTW). YOU LACK KNOWLEDGE OF HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL EVEN ON YOUR OWN SUBJECT. THE BEST RESEARCH YOU CAN PROVIDE TO THIS WORLD IS THE FLUID DYNAMICS OF AIR WHILE YOU JUMP OFF A SKYSCRAPER MOTHERFUCKER.
Im bout to start my freshmen year of college and I need money right. Then it hits me. FUCK IM A PROGRAMMER I CAN JUST MAKE SOMETHING! im retarded and genius at the same time.9
The development life cycle when taking over a project is much like that of a slightly retarded wizards first steps into utilizing the powers of the dark forces.
CONFUSION => CLARITY => FAILURE => CONFUSION => CONFUSION => BROKEN KEYBOARD => CONFUSION => UNKNOWN MAGIC => SUCCESS => CONFUSION => BORED OF THIS IT FUCKING WORKS => PUSH => SHUTDOWN
when tou totally know how you want the system to be or behave, but the current system is simply to retarded to fulfill your ideas
Mobile networks really boil my piss sometimes, Past my minimum period now and can upgrade, Found an offer on a pixel 2 matching my current plan for cheaper than I pay now, but its only for new customers.
What's REALLY retarded is they're not willing to let me upgrade to that deal, so I'd have to get my PAC code so I can keep my number, leave the network, sign up on that deal as a new customer and give them back the PAC code they just gave me, the fuck?!
Or I could go find a less pants on head retarded network, think I might do that actually.2
Finally got the 1000++ still feels like I just joined last month. Thanks to you folks I don't feel like I'm alone anymore.
PS: Fuck jQuery, copypasta shit code and retarded company policies. 🕊1
Numbers (from mac) sucks big fucking time!
Its like assuming your retarded, I cant save a file .whatever without it trying to insert the fucking numbers extension...
While buying excel what do you recommend?1
why the fuck can't android phones have a voltage indicator when charging, I want to motherfucking see if my phone is dead or just the battery is retarded14
This thesis work is legit putting me to the edge, I literally have been hating coding for the past 3 months and it used to be the #1 most beautiful thing I have ever learned to me.
Proof of how much some people can be fucking disgusting retarded assholes, existing just to steal oxygen. Fermenting my vomit is a better clean air investment than letting these monkeys live.
Why the FUCK does this bloated Ubuntu rotten swamp corps of a former beautiful Debian always, really ALWAYS, FUCK UP distro upgrades!! Which retarded spoon shagger at Canonical came to the conclusion it were a good idea to release every 6 month, regardless of the inability to actually update this crap?!? My other systems run Arch since their first install back in 2009, still clean and up-to-date systems!!!!3
Gonna be applying for college. Gonna major in programming.. I've always read the horror stories.. I hope my teachers arent retarded and dont make me use shit software..
What the fuck is the philosophy behind ionic and similar retarded frameworks?
To not to learn two or languages/ecosystems ?
You fucking deal with more in those "hybrid" shits: Ionic itself + Cordova + Angular + Android + iOS
I'd rather write the same code twice and just deal with Android + iOS
Are all other ""Hybrid"" and pseudo-native frameworks like this?22
Styling Newsletters is like time travel..time travel in a retarded past that doesnt knew what beauty modern css is, also fuck your sincerly MS Outlook for being a propritary cunt.
display:block will not work for MS Outlook, cause, well reasons.3
Trying to debug an app for twenty minutes, and wondering why it was crashing and not logging anything strange.
Realising only after some compulsive head scratching that logcat has been filtered the whole time
Looks like google dumbed down the YouTube home page by making it look like some retarded mobile app. Fuck this shit I'm not using my fingers and my fingers arent so fat that I need 5 cm large thumbnail ffs.4
All those stackoverflow mod cunts should be attached to a shocking device which electrocutes them each time they close or mark a question as a duplicate.
That would teach them to read and understand a question instead of skimming a couple of lines and making retarded assumptions. Fucktards.1
Getting paid less than half this fucker I'm supposed to fix the code of.
Seriously, I don't know if he was (got fired) retarded or if it was the owner's fault.
Why would someone from a non tech background venture launching an app
5y+ exp in react.
First commit is about 5y ago.
It's for a big startup in Brazil.
Way to scare of actual decent developers.3
- Finish a few public projects.
- Finish creating my iOS development company.
- Master a few primary languages instead of having simple knowledge on a bunch.
- Resist the urge to tell my boss to fucking die. (He’s nice, but retarded.)
- Survive life
- Start selling my old projects and earning some money.
- Earn some money.
Just some of the goals I have.
To the developers that still use flash player for their games, fuck you.
My grandma wants to play some games and i can't fuckin make it work since your piece of shit games still use that piece of shit flash that in 2 years will be dropped fuckin scumbags. And now i'm trying to find a way either to explain to her how retarded you are or find a browser that supports this piece of shit.2
most frustrating thing is team mate is a totally asshole could not get the job done, and behave like innocent little girl.
A certain person deserves nothing better than the signs of the tires of a full-speed heavy truck tatooed on her face (even though, I admit, it could be an improvement to the overall aesthetic). Especially when she wants to push the office (1 week before the vacations and with no real urgency, while there a tons of other jobs that are way more urgent) to modify one by one some field in the data of 5500 customers only because SHE (and only she) has a bonus, when everything could be solved with a fucking simple sql update and we only need a simple approval for that from the company of the project management software. All of this while she spends the time planning her own vacations in internet, or complaining about EVERYTHING, including the colour of the icons of her pdf reader (30 min complaints about a stupid icon). Responsible my ass.
Tryed to update bios within Windows. Let te application work for about 30 minutes. Want to cancell, click on the cancel button. Wait some minutes. Shut the PC down. Doesn't boot anymore. I'm retarded.6
When the fuck will some people here start using categories how they should be used? They post something in "rant" category, but it starts with "!rant". Seriously, what the fuck? How can people this retarded even be devs?10
I fucking hate Richard Hendricks. That long nose jack off is not qualified to lead a retarded child to the loo let alone heading a company!2
Aw fuck, I'm more retarded when it comes to Linux than I anticipated.
(Arch) Linux is like a nice, big framework where everything you need for the basic setup is already there, but you end up overlooking it and implementing it yourself.
At least my hard drives are gonna be defraged
Was working on setting up a ci/CD pipeline. The ci part with automated testing and deployment to a on-premise docker registry worked already, so I thought "hey I could try to actually run one of those fresh containers" so I tried it with the usual docker run command.. "Manifest not found" suddenly appeared, it confused me a bit since I used the same url I used for publishing... So I googled around only to find NOTHING that is even remotely connected to my issue. "Eh let's let the guy that runs that registry fix it" was what I thought and called it a day. The next day I was eager to try it again and checked the urls case by case only to notice that I wrote secret-project-backend-client instead of secret-project-api.. I tried it with the new name and it worked!
Never felt so retarded in my life....
I created pull requests for some open source js projects to fix issues with monkey patching Object.Prototype, as I used it heavily in a current project. All of them were accepted and merged.
A couple of weeks later I realised how retarded that was and refactored all monkey patching to separate modules.
TELEKOM ARE YOU RETARDED? although paying for a business contract we were a whole day without internet - a technician was sent between 17:00 - 20:00 and never rang the doorbell. Also, I spent a sum of about 2 hours (!!!!!!!!) Just In the queue (¡!!¡!!!¡¡¡!!!) Of the hotline. It shouldn't be called TELEKOM - TELLEFUCKOFF would suit better! MAGENTA MY ASS SUCKERS!3
1 of the many windows rants i will make since i have to use that on work's laptop.
20GB for an IDE? what a joke.
Seriously MS. Are you fucking retarded? You have a fuckin retarded windows store, and i need to open it 3 times for it to be functional? Fuck you.
I want to change the default browser. YES I FUCKIN WANT TO CHANGE IT, STOP FUCKIN ASKING ME 500 TIMES IF I'M SURE ABOUT IT AND DO THE THING I TOLD YOU TO DO. Fuck you.
2GB on startup? Thanks, appreciated. Miss my 250MB on my linux laptop. FUCK YOU.
Did i fuckin tell you i want to sync the onedrive? I clicked that shit to disable it and you decided to sync the fuck out of it? Fuck you.
Candy crash and other retarded games? LOL, can't say anything. The laptop is from the job, i won't bother uninstalling that shit. In any case MS would reinstall them again. Fuck you.
Fans at 100% for no reason and battery draining like it's a cold drink that drinks someone who is thirsty? Thanks MS, very helpful. Fuck you.
Powershell? Well i leave that. Whenever i remember how slow it is i want to throw the laptop of the window. Fuck you.
Notifications? Thanks, it's very good thing to spam them for no fucking reason. Fuck you.
Skype? Who the fuck told you to install it? Fuck you.
Well i won't say anything about their fuckin updates. Every one knows how retarded and piece of shit they are.3
That moment when u code on an aberrant language and you make a mistake that puts a whole project 3 days behind... Of course it is my fault but if this shift had a better color pallette on the godamn code I bet I'd catch it sooner, oh and it doesn't help that I can't create packages and the language is a verbose as shit... Some things I could've done in python with 100 lines take me 1000 lines in Stata... Fui dis retarded lang
First rant ever:
So I occasionally have to work for managers who say things like: "Don't reformat that code, the diff will look confusing in our repo browser". Said with such conviction that they initially made me feel retarded when I was more junior.
As time went on I realized that if we tried to "preserve" code so that the only changes visible were those that resulted in functional changes to our app, our code would eventually degrade into a steaming pile of unreadable piss.
I thankfully am working for a more technical manager at the moment so I don't have this issue and can make small refactors to make the codebase less gagworthy as I go.
I don't know though, maybe I'm wrong. Thoughts?3
Recruiter after not hearing from a company I applied two months ago: "Please accept my apology for a belated reply, I am struggling with Office 365."
Fucker - if complexity of Office caused a two month delay to answer a fucking email than you need to have your small spastic brain checked asap.
Should've just kept his mouth shut rather than to insult people by sending these kind of excuses.2
I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE! DESPISE EVERY DAMNED CELL THAT MAKES THEM HOMO MOTHERFUCKING SAPIENS. EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM! EVEN THOSE THAT HAVE USABLE BRAINCELLS FALL INTO ABBYS OF COMPLETE VOID WITHIN ENDLESS AMOUNTS OF COMPLETE, RETARDED IDIOTS. HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO VERBALIZE A SIMPLE YET COHERENT THOUGHT! IS IT SO HARD TO KNOW WHAT IN THE HELL YOU WANT AND IS IT SO FUCKING HARD TO REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID! DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT DOES COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY AMOUNT OF WORDS COMING FROM YOUR DISGUSTING MOUTH IS SUPPOSED TO MEAN?! CAN THAT CRIPPLED BRAINCELL OF YOUR GRASP A SIMPLE CONCEPT OF AGREEMENT?!4
All of these dependency management tools supposed to make my life easier?!?! I have been looking for half an hour for how to simply downgrade a package to an older version I must be plain retarded1
Seems kinda retarded but it should be trivial to reference a ListBox in a SelectionChanged event doing something like SomeListBox.Items[someIndex] = new TextBox()
in order to replace a simple textblock element with a textbox element that accepts input (replace-in-place), but it's proven to be the most long, aggravating series of unnecessary convoluted bullshit I have encountered so far.
And when I do something like ((ListBox)e.Source).SelectedItem = new TextBox(), nothing break per se but I get no god damn error or feedback, as if it worked, but nothing fucking changed.
I can only assume I'm fucking retarded or like most of the shit coming out of microsoft, WPF is a broken pile of bullshit.
I'd ask on here but every time I ask technical questions I never get any fucking answers. Like a ghost town around here sometimes..11
Ffs. I thought I never had to touch development for ios devices anymore but I was wrong.
The god damn piece of shit hybrid app build in apache cordova works perfectly fine on android but guess what, after signing that pile of crap with xcode it won't work on ios because somehow that retarded os forgets to listen for click events on a simple fucking button which is used to activate the app.
Had to create a virtual machine with osx and wait for xcode to instal, sign that app only to figure out it won't work..
Even after seaching google for 3 FUCKING HOURS there are still no FUCKING RESULTS.
I'm done with the entirety of apple and all their products.
How hard can it fucking be to just bundle, minify and compress css and js in webpack.
FFS, am I retarded?
Me: How to use those retarded promises in typescript
Every result on internet: 20 pages article. Let me introduce you to angular, first you install npm and node then you create a project, name it whatever you want, then we create a file.
Promises motherfucker, how those work? Can you simply write about that?3
node/JS is retarded
TIL that you can call return multiple times but it wont break
6 hours down the drain11
Have you ever loved someone so badly that you cant forget about it even though she/he is retarded AF also no time to cringe anymore because you gotta complete this project at work before end of this weekend?2
FFS Kotlin, did you completely forget to mention how to create an object in js or did you seriously not think about the usage of the `new` operator when writing that compiler.
I just wanted to use that glorious when statement for my discord bot. Not to mention that retarded tutorial with incredible gaps and cyclic references and now this.
I don't know how post works in other countries, but seems the most retarded way to work is in mine.
When an item you have ordered arrives to local post(no ups, acs) the post sends you a small paper that says that you can go and pick the thing you have ordered.
So today i come home from a morning meeting about a programming job as a university student, which made me feel good and see that paper has arrived. The item i ordered is a programming book.
Well, getting excited since i waited about 2 weeks, i get it and go to the post office. After waiting almost 1 hour my turn comes. I go to pick it and the employee tells me COME TOMORROW TO PICK IT UP.
YOU FUCKIN SUCKERS, IF IT'S MEANT TO GET IT TOMORROW DONT FUCKIN SEND ME THAT FUCKIN PAPER WHICH WRITES THAT MY FUCKIN ORDER ARRIVED TODAY.
LOSING MY TIME BECAUSE YOU ARE FUCKIN RETARDED AND THE SAME WILL HAPPEN TOMORROW. AUTISTIC FUCKS. I'M GONNA GET THAT FUCKIN BOOK AND SMASH YOUR HEAD WITH IT
That Microshit motherfucker, Windows 10, is constantly messing up AMD drivers by "updating them out".
I did a clean reinstall, moved past the retarded Crimson installer hanging up on branding components, and configured everything. I had to reboot, and that little twat of an OS prompted me with "just a second, Windows is updating" reboot screen, after which the drivers are fucked up again. And that is the second time it has done that.
I just had to move my screen back out of my punching radius, otherwise I would probably had to buy a new one.
Linux with GPU passthrough seems to be the only sane option theesedays.7
That feeling of utter tiredness when you have to work on a project that another bureau has developed..
I can not fathom how this company still exists after seeing how incompetent their developers are.
I could teach a shit eating retarded down-syndrome aids infested autistic monkey a little bit of code and it would be better that this shitstain of a website.
For fucks sake
Had to add some affiliate JS with a fallback pixel. Put it between noscript tags since thats what the fallback is meant for.
Affiliate Guy: did you implement the fallback?
Are these people retarded
Wah wah wah, my teacher is yelling at me because I wasn't allowed to use my fancy Pant tech instead of what was required because I think it's shit but never bothered to ask for permission beforehand and now I'm bitching about it on here.
Man, eat a bag of dicks. You didn't do what was required, without coordinating with your teacher.
And you think their way of doing shit is retarded? That's essentially every other customer you'll ever have. Grow the fuck up.1
I love python, when it works.
Im really new and retarded at the language, but i managed to make a small useful program for my dad.
It works perfectly on Windows, yay.
It needs to run on a CentOS server, and for some reason, smtplib wont allow me to log into my gmail when i run it on CentOS :(
And yes, i did install all packages with pip, and i do run it with Python3, same version as i wrote it in.
I also added that nifty shebang that doesnt appear to do shet for me xD3
The fuckers that made my university’s website are absolutely fuckin trash. I’m trying to make a program that gets the page and creates lists with the names of professors and some more info and i fuckin can’t because they are retarded.
How bad can you be that you cant even fuckin create a simple html table with their fuckin names in it so when i scan it i fuckin get a name of a professor and an email of a different one attached to it. FUCK OFF2
I suggest at our retro that other teams have skills in languages and frameworks that we have only just started using, and that we practically just make it up as we go along and then keep making changes as we realise things suck. Why not bring a real expert in from another team for 1 or 2 days to rapidly improve our knowledge?
15 people in the room, every single one of them: "no that's stupid. Why would you even do that?"
Really? Am I the retarded one?3
Unraid, you piece of lovely SHIT...
I love that it has this really easy expandable storage pool, and the ease of installing plugins...
Plex runs perfect on it... so does sonarr (mostly)...
but why the loving FUCK did it have to crash every. 4. fucking. days.
oh... wait... im fucking retarded...
the USB stick I use isnt 32gb... its 64...
IM FUCKING OUT OF HERE!
Oh, and dont get me started on ZFS...
Please, use RAID instead of ZFS if you have a NAS... dont use ZFS... it wasnt made for this... it was made to run in enterprise enviroments... hell, even THE Enterprise...3
wow Xfinity just wow.... how retarded can you be... I ordered the "self install kit" which the person on the phone said included a modem, a router, and the cables to hook everything up... the package came, and it's just the cables. no modem. no router. just wow.
Decide to sign up for soundcloud go to get rid of ads, thought I'd be nice today, get to payment section, requires a zip code...
I'm in the UK.
Either take my fucking money, or stop shoving adverts down my throat and taking me out of the zone you fucks
My life changed when I started typing parentheses and curly brackets using both hands.
Left hand for shift and right hand for the actual symbol.
No more wrist pain and it's 100 times faster.
It took me 25 years to make this amazing discovery, why the fuck am I so retarded3
I give up on getting Bluetooth LE to run :/
Got a new 14'' Laptop for travel/mobile purpose. It only got like 2 USB Ports so i thought a fine Logitech 590 might be nice.
I am currently using Ubuntu 18.10 and a tried everything..Arch Wiki had some nice tips, but even then i cannot even detect the damn tool, despite many sites saying hcitool -lescan plus gatttool should do the trick, no avail.
This is quite retarded cause i was really looking forwar to do this. I figure it might be hard but impossible is annoying :/
Sooo, I'm having a lecture now on JML (Java Markup Language), but it seems so retarded. Is this actually used anywhere? And if so, why?
Need help. I feel so fucking retarded Everytime I use Node/NPM for any development. I'm on Win10, which may be part of it, but every tut I find is not straight forward. Errors here and there. What's the best way to learn and keep up with Node/Npm and this flavor of the week (for me) Angular? Trying to create a PoC PWA. The struggle is real. Thanks in advance for any tips.8
Well fuck me, one week of sewrching for a bug, just to find oit that the search endpoint shits itself, when it sees an underscore in the query because fuck you. Local test system is not as retarded, so I never found out, until today
Android studio is BIG PILE OF GARBAGE.
I waste my second day to install a fuckin emulator because that retarded thing tries to unzip it in fuckin /tmp, which it cant because it gets filled and then it fails.
It doesnt even consider my overwrite options to use a different /tmp directory
Just finished my finals.
Had to run k-means with pen and paper only. I find this kind of question stupid but why not. BUT WHY THE FUCK DID YOU CHOSE SOME INITIALIZATION THAT TAKES 13(!!!!) FUCKING ITERATIONS TO CONVERGE ? Just in case my first 12 iterations are correct by chance ? Guess what, you fucktard, I GOT IT.
And doing the same calculus by hand 13 FUCKING TIMES is moronic as hell, you retarded piece of shit ! When you train your neural networks, do you also backpropagate your gradient all by yourself, mongoloid baboon? Getting sick of those stupid assignements1
fuck this shit.
fuck the pile of arcane shit that is ARCore.
fuck the fucking pile of overcomplicated shit that is mapbox.
fuck the idiotic frankensteiny steaming pile of shit that is "arcore+mapbox lifesized maps unity project" or how is it called.
fuck this retarded scammy culture when a company is doing meetups with investors before even having a working prototype.
fuck this stupid fucking culture where there's no time for some actual, sensible, creative work, just grab these two repos from github and ducktape them together and we'll call that our demo which we will present to inverstors.
fuck every fucking molecule of this fucking world.
i just wanted to be creative. to CREATE stuff. CREATE, not pile up dumb half-baked nonprojects made by someone else on top of each other until the smell is too strong for anyone to see if it's actually reasonable or not.
i wanted to create stuff. make games. design and make them. actual interesting ones which have actual value (because fuck the retarded gaming industry who's imagination doesn't go beyond "u a dude who does pew pew to other dudes", but that's a different rant).
fuck this disgusting, retarded, idiotic, boring, lonely, cold, lobotomizedly stupid world where the only way to succeed is a shitty pile of shit scammy scum.
fuck me for not being able to learn how to be scammy scum, so I could be successful too.
Sf bulk api:
CurrentPollingInterval = 1000;
CurrentPollingInterval = Math.Max(16000, CurrentPollingInterval *= 2);
Why does this take so long..
I am fucking retarded...1
Oh I just gotta love how low quality selenium is. Gotta love the fact that sometimes you need to commit your code 5 times before selenium tests do not fail completely randomly and the whole commit is rollbacked. Like I don't fucking have other shit to do other than wait for these retarded tests to finish just to expect that with 90% probability they are going to fail because selenium is a huge pile of poop when it comes to UI tests. Also testers do not seem to give a single fuck since they just keep writing more of those instead of making old test more stable, fucking awesome.
Any tips on how to focus at work? Just got my first job a few months ago and I'm having huge problems at focusing for 8h a day. Sometimes I'm just staring at the screen for 30 minutes being lost in my mind. I'm either really in the zone or not being able to focus at all. Will I get used to focusing the longer I work there or am I just retarded?6
1. The fucking wifi is retarded at work, it works for 2 minutes then drops connection for 2...
2. The building is also a fucking bunker so 4g signal is pretty much nonexistent
3. Spotify won't let me view my "offline" saved albums unless I go totally "offline" within the app WTF
LET ME LISTEN TO MY FUCKING MUSIC FOR FUCK SAKE7
The fuck is this shit. Retarded play store can't even notice an active internet connection.
BTW that warning is thrown everytime I open it.1
*Ctrl + a*
*retarded auto-indent code shortcut key*
*Presses arrow key instinctively*
*moves cursor to end or start of code*
Am I the only one?
I FUCKING HATE TYPEDEF.
I have NEVER seen a use of typedef that wasn't UTTERLY pointless AND did absolutely nothing except add obfuscation to code.
What the fuck is the point of typedeffing a size_t to "MapIndex".. And THEN typedeffing a vector... Of vectors... Of size_t (not MapIndex!) AND THEN TYPEDEFFING A MAP OF "MapIndex" to that previously typedeffed vector of vectors....
ITS FUCKING BEYOND STUPID. I absolutely hate typedef. I have never seen a single NOT RETARDED usage of it.