I wish there was a .gitignore for people

"Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight." - Bill Gates

Me and my girlfriend are arguing, because I'm programming a lot and I don't have time to give her attention. She said if I don't give her attention, she will break up with me.
Any suggestion where I can find a good tutorial for C#?

Oh no GPU what have you done!

That moment when you optimize something from taking ~10 minutes to ~17 seconds and are unsure if you managed to actually optimize that much or did you create a bug that doesn't return half the data...
Please let it be the former.

Asked a girl what would she like to eat and gave her two options. She answered "Ok. Let's go".

Error cannot find parameters in line 2

After finishing up a resume on Photoshop:

"Please submit a Word or PDF file not more than 2MB."

The man behind the legend!

Wife: what are you thinking about?

Me: how to optimize key storage in a binary tree

Wife: forget that I asked

ERRORs are red,
INFOs are blue.
My logs look pretty,
But not as pretty as-
Wait, hold on. Why are there ERRORs in here?
Why is the homepage returning a 5- oh crap.
Can you just... Can you give me a minute?

I'm going to get message from the NSA for posting this. 😂😂

Damn Dijkstra!

Me: Let's grab something for dinner!
GF: Sure, but let's go somewhere safe
Me:

schrodinger's backup

Don't we all love a sophisticated chat bot?

Story of an IT guy 🔫

"Please disable AdBlock to view the content."

No. I'll just leave. Bye.

That happens with me after every lazy programming 😓😓

For fuck sake a goddamn "+" is a fucking valid character in an email address!!!!!!

git pshu
git phsu
git puhs

**when you hear me typing fast**

Any js framework to me by far...

I thought the antenna actually did something... nevermind

When you watch hunger games and wonder how the database works

When the "lost password" feature of a website sends you an email with your original password :/

My first dev job. Me and another guy get hired at the same time. He will be the lead dev, and I’ll be the junior dev on a long term project. Project gets delayed (and eventually canceled, but that’s a different story), so the lead dev decides to give me programming challenges to test my skill level. I successfully complete the challenges, but they aren’t up to his standards. Belittles me in front of our manager. Afterwards I ask him to show me how he would have done it. The dude can barely type let alone show me the way it should be done. I say nothing to the manager.

A few weeks pass, it’s clear the project we were hired for is canceled, so we are given other work. They task the lead dev with porting the company website to Wordpress so non-devs can alter content. They chose Wordpress mainly because the lead dev said he is familiar with it. Two weeks later, no progress has been made. They ask me if I can do it, and I do it in 2 days including additional functionality that was requested. Manager asks me why I thought lead dev couldn’t do what I did. I said, “I don’t think lead dev knows what the fuck he is doing. I don’t think he knows how to program.” Manager says, “Huh.”

Several months later lead dev is still there, but has yet to work on any projects with any success. They finally let him go.

Glad to finally get that off my chest.

You will never exit this fitness club. 😜

That's the real difference!

I used to get annoyed when my dad(65+ years old) had a simple computer "problem" like copy and paste that I needed to help with.

But then I remembered he showed me how to use a spoon and not shit myself so I guess it all evens out

When I first started in IT 10 years ago I thought my coworker was pretty weird: every day she brought a coffee mug to the coffee machine and filled it by punching the "espresso" button 7 times. Little did I know this was just a sneak peak into my future...

Thanks Google, this is what I was looking for.