well, sorry Dave

Listening to two girls argue about how thin their eyebrows are is what you deserve for forgetting your headphones at home

"I can write a script to do your job"

My friend said "I googled it on duck duck go"

Me: Dude what?

As a programmer, I'm outraged.

Got the best cake for my 30th birthday. Only if my wife understood what language I program with. I still love her though!

My wife opens a document, writes her entire paper and uses the close ❌ button to save it.

I think I married an adrenaline junkie.

"Let's add security later"

Pleb: "What's your job?"
Me: "I'm a programmer."
Pleb: "Great, because I have a problem with my pri..."
Me: "STOP! Last person who thought I was a printer support serf got strangled with the printer cable."
Pleb: "But it's a wireless printer."
Me: "Right, where's the power cord?"

!rant

I made devRant pancakes!
yummy

I got my wife pregnant despite birth control being used... You could say she *puts on sunglasses* failed the penetration test.

I'll see myself out.

GF: What are you doing there?
Dev: I've been trying to reproduce a bug for two hours now...
GF: You need two bugs the opposite sex, otherwise they won't reproduce.

From a sad true story.

So this just happened:

Sarah = best friend (random name)

Sister: Hey, could you help, sarah's phone isn't recognized by her computer anymore.
Me: What phone/pc does she have?
Sister: iPhone/Windows.
Me: Has she checked the drivers?
Sister: *tells to check drivers, feedback:* yes, seems to be fine.
Me: *comes up with 1000 other suggestions*
Sister: *doesn't work every time*
Me: Is there any other information that might be useful in this case?
Sister: Well, she dropped her phone in the water earlier, the phone is hardly responding.
Me: THE WAT? AND YOU DIDN'T THINK THIS WOULD BE WORTH MENTIONING IN THE BEGINNING?!? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

I thought the antenna actually did something... nevermind

A hacker deleted the despacito video from youtube.

Those are not the hackers we deserve, but the hackers we need.

When you keep getting +1s on a rant you posted a month ago.

correctly named devices

Just found the best dev ever.

https://alcohollick.com/tfw.html

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Best joke I have read this week...