Do all the things like ++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatarSign Up
Get a devDuck
Rubber duck debugging has never been so cute! Get your favorite coding language devDuckBuy Now
Search - "muggles"
So this just happened:
Sarah = best friend (random name)
Sister: Hey, could you help, sarah's phone isn't recognized by her computer anymore.
Me: What phone/pc does she have?
Me: Has she checked the drivers?
Sister: *tells to check drivers, feedback:* yes, seems to be fine.
Me: *comes up with 1000 other suggestions*
Sister: *doesn't work every time*
Me: Is there any other information that might be useful in this case?
Sister: Well, she dropped her phone in the water earlier, the phone is hardly responding.
Me: THE WAT? AND YOU DIDN'T THINK THIS WOULD BE WORTH MENTIONING IN THE BEGINNING?!? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.20
*Me Coding with a laptop and desktop when friends enter *
Friends : u r a coder right? Hack something in front of me.
Me : *sick of explaining ppl*
*SSHs into lap from desktop and shuts it down*
See. I hacked my lap
Friends : whoa! Cool man9
Sitting on the bus updating my system.
Random girl: What are you using?
Me: Linux :).
Random girl: Ohh I use Mac, because that doesn't have viruses and can't get hacked!
*me waiting for a cliff to jump off*38
I met one of my friend from my childhood he asked me what I do for a living.
I told him : "I am a full stack developer"
He : What does that mean? What you have to do in office?
Me: I write code for websites in very simple words.
He: Like facebook?
Me: yes, exactly.
He: So you work for windows?
Me: What makes you think that?
He: Aren't websites comes with the computer?
Me: I am so unfortunate to meet you.15
So, my broadband internet is not working. Naturally, i called my ISP and complained.
He enlightened me, "Turn on your TV and watch the news. Theres a deadly computer virus on the loose and it is affecting banks and businesses and everything. So we decided to help our customers by turning our services down for a few days."
What the actual fuck?
Its like to Not eat anything due to a bird flu.
Oh! and i have an exam tomorrow.
Thank you muggles.18
I put a lot of work into trying to explain to you muggles what I do all day in a way you can understand (it's hard, trust me) and you still reject it as boring nerd crap. I'm sick of it! What if you told me working at that restaurant is "putting water on plates, wiping it off, and putting meat and cheese between slices of bread" and I said "wtf is that, and who cares?" Wouldn't that hurt your feelings, that I didn't even attempt to make a connection with you, friend? That I didn't even attempt to step outside my experience to meet yours? Isn't it equally insulting how far you have to dumb it down, just for me to lose interest entirely? And yes, I know that's not your specific task. That only proves my point further.
And why, exactly? Conceptually, you handle pre-digested poop all day.
_I teach plastic to think._ Sometimes it even thinks better than you do.
How is my job less interesting?
And what's more, why does EVERYONE seem to think so?
How do you expect people like me to keep your iPhones, bank accounts, and self-driving cars working if you alienate us like an alternate species for building those things? I mean really. You people treat us with a disinterest harmonious with homophobia. "Don't ask, don't tell." Except you do ask. And then you condescend as if working with my brain makes me less worthy of your attention than your exciting minimum-wage restaurant job.
Have fun with that, by the way.
Oh, and you're welcome for <object I fixed that wasn't really broken>. Maybe next time, just google it.
I know you won't.25
FUCK YOU SHITTY FUCKING DICK HEAD!!!.. I'M FUCKING TIRED OF YOUR FUCKING BULLSHIT ABOUT "YOU'RE A PROGRAMMER... YOU MUST KNOW HOW TO USE PHOTOSHOP!"... OR "SUCH A SHITTY PROGRAMMER YOU ARE... DON'T YOU KNOW HOW TO FIX MY COMPUTER"... OR "CAN YOU MAKE ME AN APP?... IT'S LIKE OTHER APP BUT BETTER, I CAN'T GIVE YOU MORE DETAILS BECAUSE IT'S CONFIDENCIAL, SO YOU GOT TO DO IT WHIT OUT KNOWING WHAT THE FUCK YOU HAVE TO DO"... GO TO FUCK YOURSELF WITH A TRUCK FULL OF DONKEYS FUCKING IDIOT!!!... STOP TALKING BULLSHIT AND GET AND FUCKING LIFE YOU ASSHOLE!!!... sorry about my english for those who read27
me: *reads java book on phone*
guy next to me: *looking at my screen* you're a hacker, right?
Me and friend1: talking about Linux friend2: "what is this Linux"
Me:"it's an OS"
Friend2:"so it's something like excel and powerpoint."
Unfortunately there wasn't a cliff to jump off in that moment.15
When you're trying to explain a concept as simple as it can be to your non-dev family and friends, but they're just quietly staring at you.8
I love to see the confusion in people's face when they ask to use my computer, open the browser, type "g", hit enter, and land on GitHub instead of Google. 😄8
My mother sits in front of me with her laptop. After a time she asks me, who founded Microsoft. I say: "Bill Gates but why?"
She: "Oh my god, I am winning an iPhone!!!"
I know exactly what's going on, so I go to her and show her the shitty URL and some grammar mistakes in the text and close the tab after explaining that it is phishing.
After that she just looks at me and is sooooo angry about me, because she still thinks that it was real. Only because they "knew which Internet provider we were using and that they just wanted to reward us for being customer!!!". I'm so sad now, because I never thought she would fall for sth. like this... 😔6
I can type the password for the SSH key to my servers while drunk.
Muggles can't type the fucking email address while sober.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!!! Is it really that fucking hard?!!! Pieces of shit!!7
Probably the most heart breaking thing to hear as a Developer - " Nobody cares about your backend, front-end is the priority !" :/11
yesterday at school
girl in school:
have you even got a call from a company u hacked?
Wtf? i cant hack and i never did...27
When I'm sitting at home scrolling through rants and laughing once in a while, my boyfriend always wants to know what's so funny. Most of the time I then have to explain the rant and he always says "you IT guys are sooo weird" and shakes his head
Random person: wanna get a girlfriend? Shave your beard.
sysadmin@condor:~# FUCK NO.
sysadmin@condor:~# What are those muggles even thinking?!!
sysadmin@condor:~# Would you also ask Khal Drogo to cut off his ponytail?!40
"You're a programmer right? Can you fix my laptop?"
"Sure, lemme take a look but can't guarantee much since I'm not that familiar with windows"
"But you said you were a programmer?!"
Seriously, I haven't worked with windows properly in like seven FUCKING years!?! Being a programmer doesn't automatically mean that you know all operating systems 😡4
*rants to some people I met in a cafe about how irresponsible making a ground rail live is*
Girl: "well people do make mistakes, right"
Me: "but they shouldn't! It's civil engineering ffs!"
Girl: "that doesn't change the fact that it's impossible for people to not make mistakes"
*realizes that I'll have to explain redundancy*
Me: "okay, so I have 2 mail servers. If I make an inevitable mistake, during an update or so, it only affects one of the servers but not the other one. So service is uninterrupted."
Girl: "that's far too complicated and technical.. explain it more easily."
Me: "alright, what job do you have"
Girl: *tells her job*
Me: "alright, so imagine that you get sick or go on a holiday or something. When there's someone else in the company that's got the same skills, they can ensure that the job gets done regardless. That's redundancy."
Girl: "aah, still too complicated!!"
What the fuck?! I removed all of the technical stuff and it's still too complicated?! How willfully ignorant or plain stupid can you be?!! Well fuck her then, but not in the way of taking her home. Now guess why I don't really like the muggles in my town. Fucking idiots!!!
"But muh BuzzFeed, conspiracy theories, deferring updates because they hog my WiFi, and casual games on my iPhone"
FUCK!!! FUCK PEOPLE!!!37
Dropped my youngest off at the childminder today and her husband asked me what I'm doing for a job now
.. Explained its security and data science... His reply was to ask if I can setup a printer....5
I think "Velop" should be a word.
Velop - to break software
(velopers would be muggles/stupid users?)
This would give the word "developer" a new meaning.
dear anyone looking to teach kids programming (especially organizations):
- please be realistic. teach things your students can use. how to debug, how to solve realistic, real-world problems. not how to make a turtle draw a circle, that's not programming.
- please don't have blocks. just don't. they hurt.
- focus on your content instead of putting up posters on the wall with celebrities talking about the importance of programming
- don't call it 'code,' call it 'program.' do you know how different muggles think they are?
- please teach in a logical order. too many times have I seen commands --> functions --> variables/variable types --> then back to functions and return types.
- don't set an appropriate "age" to do it. please. its enough for people to learn to program, but to be told they're too "old" for a course? I can't tell you how many forgetful seniors and special needs students have been insulted. and don't even get me started on being too young. knowledge is knowledge, skill is skill, ability is ability.
- teach concepts with programming. don't separate them. they work better when they're taught together.
- understanding is more important than style. for beginners, fuck style. all of your program could be all on one line for fucks sake. I've had teachers chose style > functionality, because, fuck working programs, right?
- let your content speak for itself. this is not the place for celebrity endorsements.
- give resources for after a lesson is complete. when a beginner is finished, recommend more resources. you're never done learning.
most of these were things code.org did wrong. fuck them. I was in a constructive criticism mood today…6
A non-dev friend just saw the "free santa hat with each duck ordered" announcement on my screen and he is extremely confused 😂5
My friend typed "hack" into a .bat file on our school network and got an after-school detention and his account disabled for like a week because he simply had the intention of trying to hack the network....4
When someone logs into someone else's Instagram after being told the password and then *posts a selfie* with the caption "#hacked"
So here it is. I don't know what the f is wrong with you guys but you somehow got me to a whopping 2^12 increments. Thanks I guess. Now I can show off in front of my friends that I have a lot of internet points. Fucking muggles...
Also let me address a rising issue here on devRant and that is:
Stop bloody confusing this place with devHeyGuysWhatsYourOpinionOnXYZ?
For real people. That's not cool.
So my friend who was talking about Privacy and stuff about a minute ago is now using Google and Facebook.
I hate it when you have non-developer friends because still to this day after 16 years they still ask me what do I do with their stupid confused faces. Bloody muggles.4
So... I've seen my dad talking a lot about quantum computers, and it's getting quite embarrassing to be there when he talks about them. He doesn't understand shit about them, except that they somehow use quantum mechanics for something.
Last week my uncle from Spain visited us. He's a Cristian pastor, and a cool guy, so they always talk about god and similar themes. We gathered the family to have a dinner with my uncle as he only was going to be one day with us. This is how part of the dinner went by:
" so, <Uncle's name>, have you heard about quantum computers?"
me thinking:*Oh my God. Please not again... *
"The nasa, the US government and all kinds of powerful entities are getting the quantum computer."
He always talks about THE quantum computer as if it was just one big machine.
"They have found that multiple universes exist through it. If this is what they are telling us, imagine how far they've gone. Remember that technology is always 8 years ahead of actual public technology."
Me:*please dad, stop. Who the fuck is made that claim and how many fucking years ago?*
"Did you know that many people remember that Mandela died in prison, while in the oficial version, he died after it? They must be messing with multiple universes, or multiple timelines are getting intertwined."
Me: *please, not the mandela effect again*
Then my dad procceded to talk about multiverses and how THE quantum computer was the future and about some parts of the Bible that supported it. Bizarre, I know.
When we are alone, I always try to tell him how things actually work but he always twists my claims to support his. Last time I told him that the mandela effect was perfectly explainable by psychological phenomena around forgotten memories. But this is going to far... Fuck the guys that made zeitgeist. Fuck Alex Jones. Fuck random youtube conspiracy channels. They make technology look like fucking magic for muggles.14
*has an appointment to get a new home supervisor*
Management lass: Just so you know, you shouldn't talk about technology to your new home supervisor. She has no clue about it.
I love that new home supervisor already...4
'Muggles' appear to be a word used quite a lot on devRant for non-programmers.
I propose we call them PWOTRTJSAJAKAGFDEM:s, or Pwortes for short.
devRant competition - can you convince someone that you're hacking?
Windows (Linux is too easy)
You must use genuine windows command line and the following commands:
color 0a (if this isn't supported in your windows os, you can change it in properties)
The point of this is to see how easily you can convince someone you're hacking/doing something malicious. No prize or anything, I just want to see how ignorant those muggles are.8
Do you just walk in the city and tell yourself, "fck these humans. they don't know sht."? I know that's wrong but still...4
Why in the freezing cold all people think that linux = secure. Ransomware... Bla bla not happening on linux bla bla... Linux is secure.
If Linux would have been the most popular one people will pretty much run everything on root and install every stupid package available and never run: apt-get update.
Users were so dumb they got scammed by a phising mail... In freaking 2017... This is user stupidity not OS fault...
God its stupidly annoying seeing the same stuff : Linux secure...
Everything can be secure if you paid attention to the same stuff in freaking 2000.34
Did you guys know that SO stands for 'Significant Other' on other social platforms?!???
Being a lead developer, I don't know if I am on the side of developers or managers.
In a product roadmap meet today, one of the developers explained the update of last week. He talked for at least 15 mins.
After that the sales lead looked at me, expecting me to explain (or basically dumb it down for her)
Me: Oh, he meant "UI improvements"
She: Oh, why didn't he say so?
I don't know who was the reason for the FacePalm 😐6
some people are fucking idiots.
i remember one time - i made a website which ended up having a slightly major security flaw.
the big isnt the point though. this guy told me to just "write secure code."
i consequently told him, "how about you go fuck yourself?"
well, he was a painter, so i then told him "maybe you should fucking draw better," and promptly left.
well, here i present what that would be like if other people were told shit like that.
depressed person - "just be happy"
teacher - "just make your students smarter"
homosexual - "just like the opposite sex"
presidential candidate - "just win the election"
homeless person - "just get a house"
idiot - "just stop being my client" (sorry had to vent)
well you get the idea.
devs should be treated as functioning members of society.12
My piano teacher met a fellow coder in Berlin. He tried to explain my teacher what his job is. But my teacher didn't get it xD4
That moment when you get to show off this amazing project you just finished & all they have to say is: “Meh. I bet anybody could do that.”6
*messing around in the screeps simulator deciding on whether to pay *
*other student walks up*
"Oh, you're playing one of _those_ games"
*stares at screen for some time*
"are you hacking the computer?!"
Me: "...yes. 😎"
*kid walks away shaking his head*
10 minutes later the teacher walks by yelling at people for not working
Welcome to high school, Anytown, USA5
Just read this comment in my code from a few months ago... I guess I was in a strange mood at that time..
// Listen for fuckers. Also known by their muggle name: users.2
Me and tech coworker opens office front door. Another coworker starts ranting how he accidentally hit som key combo and started some speech synthesis feature in Windows. Me and tech coworker both declared we had never heard of that feature before.
Ten minutes goes by, then muggle coworker comes by asking for help to turn it off. Tech coworker Googles solution in literally 6 seconds on the phone without even stopping the conversation we had going on when muggle interrupted.
How is it that muggles haven't found out that the Internet contains stuff?! And that it's searchable!!
I just overheard at the office one of my colleagues dont want to move on my side cause Im so quiet he didnt like me to be his seatmate. So tell me what's wrong on the person who just want to focus and do good work huh?5
This entire google playstore review system is annoying and sometimes useless. Before you download something, you tend to check for the reviews. It's just the way it is. If you see something negative, you tend to have second thoughts of proceeding to download. These muggles think as if they were entitled with anything. "3 stars. I would give you 5 stars IF..." Shut the fuck up, man. No one gives a shit! So you wouldn't give 5 stars because the feature that only you want is not there?3
I was wondering how many years will I get for killing muggles who approach me with ideas about the "Next Facebook Idea" after hearing I am a programmer?!
Would be possible to be freed of all charges?3
It has made life living like hell around muggles who think "it should not be that hard.. can you..."
NO! GO FUCK YOURSELF.
"Can you make me a POS system? A guy told me it should not take you more than a night. I will pay you (enough to buy Age of Empires 2 on Steam sale) as well."
NO GO LEARN TO CODE YOURSELF IN ONE NIGHT AND BUILD YOUR POS(piece of shit) YOURSELF IN THE NEXT NIGHT.3
How would you feel if you can't solve your code? I'm almost a week stuck on a server problem. I applied for frontend dev position, it's okay for me to do this kind of stuff but the fact that I can't solve it for so long it makes me feel down :(6
So it turns out when you tell normal people that your a software developer, they don't know what that is which explains why they don't ask you to fix anything hardware related2
It's still so amazing to me how plebs/muggles/whatever no nothing about technology....like wtf do they think is happening behind that social media website that's catering to advertising weaknesses.
They don't I guess
all those muggles making presentations in power point pff - at least use libre office...
But I use a web page as presentation 😎3
Alike wizards are frowned upon to use magic in front of muggles, we developers are to do the same with our programming jokes.
Those muggles shit never get my sorting jokes 😒😒4
So.. We probably have thousands of rants on git and muggles here's one from me.
I've been roped into this ongoing project, guys with 1-1.5 years of experience are already working on it.
When they shared repo with me ...
I see 195 branches WTF! What are these idiots up to 🤔
And only handful of people working on project.
This one time I was merging branch with master ( branch #196) with master, guy sitting besides me asks me what I am doing I said it's good practice to pull before you push, right?(the line I remember reading here on devRant, I thought let's bee cool 😎 😋) And I explained him that I am merging 'em locally and will push once everything looks good ( I realized later that I shouldn't have wasted my couple of minutes explaining him)
He says don't waste your time and download (clone) the project folder(repo) from github and then paste or add your change to it.
Fuck you man, you should go fuck yourself instead of telling me that I'm wasting my time.
Sometimes I wonder, What do these guys think of github? Assholes, chutiya saale1
I'm always floored when a user knows their password when hey haven't used it in a while.
Some of them learn!1
So today my company was removing most workspaces with USB 2 connections, DP cables and magsafe 2 power cables. This means that my MBP mid 2014 can't connect to the keyboard and monitors anymore. It already struggled with 4K, so my 2K options were already limited, but now the last few spots are mostly gone. In short: I'm being forced to upgrade.
But tell you what: I don't want to. It feels like a waste to recycle my laptop (even if it's company paid and owned) while it's perfectly acceptably fine. And mind that I will get the latest and greatest i9 for free. Yes, that overheating, throttling failure of hardware design piece of shit. 2 coworkers already own the beast and confirm that it gets really hot really quickly. One of them even has daily crashes (the laptop just turns off) and random reboots. A total waste of money. And my future time. As if it's not enough work to migrate to a new laptop (even with Time Machine).
So, fellow ranters, what do I do? I hope I can leverage the second best MBP (CPU-wise) from this situation, unless there already is a bunch of i9s in the office ready to be used. I really, really don't want one. And I think my current computer is great for what it is, even if it's old. It's a really pro machine for my needs (I'm very efficient, except for Android Studio).
I even consider asking for a Linux machine, but then a whole new world opens to me that may be a step too big (since I barely have hands-down experience).
Enlighten me with your ideas, muggles!5
I understand the muggles on Facebook saying it was Apple and Amazon that were hacked, but here on devrant where people know WTF is up, I'm still not seeing people say where the hack actually took place, and what makes the news truly terrifying: SMC.5
I have always been painfully aware that us developers live in an entirely different world than the IT 'muggles'.
However now I usually browse devRant on my way to work (in the train) and listen to music. I have realised this means my time and attention is now almost exclusively devoted to the developers world. It's interesting to see how easy it is to isolate yourself from people who might behave or think differently.6
In Sweden the word for computer is "dator" and the word for data is "data".
However "data" is commonly used as slang for computer by muggles. So when people tell me that they have problems with their "data" I always get the wtf face.
So I might be the only one, but I actually like the rush of installing Firefox and hacking out bloatware from my family's computers.... Makes me feel smart and powerful. Not my degree or job, but whatever.6
Time to scare the shyat out of some muggles by VIMing some LaTeX. Make'em think I'm hacking the train. Mwahahaha
When a person asks what do I do I tell them that I'm a cyber wizard.
It explains it well doesn't it ?
God damn muggles...