With a sock in his hand he said: "Giulio is a free elf."

We hired a new team lead. On his first day he wore green leather elf shoes. Yeah, the pointy kind.

He also ended up being one of my favorite people ever, but also one of the weirdest.

Heck yes!

I implement a stack trace in my embedded systems!

Whenever a device crashes, it makes a stack dump in an unused part of ram.
After it has rebooted and is connected to the server again, it uploads the stack dump.

The server then opens the correct firmware elf file, walks the stack and associates the debug info from the elf.

The result? A beautiful stack trace with file names, function names and line numbers.

No more guessing where random crashes come from.

There are no elfs :(

fb messenger stopped working after the update, it just shows a white screen... it made me realise i don't even care, family and friends contact me there but ... Dobby is a free elf now

What I fear most is the "I used to be a developer like you" type of client.

No, that's not how any of that works.
No, noone uses that anymore.
Please stop trying to correct me.

Out of all the bugs, the most annoying are the ones that come out and make me say "WTF?!?!? WHY THE FUCK HAS IT BEEN WORKING FOR THE LAST 2 YEARS??!!?!!??? THERE"S NO WAY IT COULD HAVE!"

When the bug surfaces, you investigate and see that it indeed IS a bug and there's no way it would ever work w/o a fix. But then SOMEHOW it's been working just fine for years....

It's like server elves went on strike and said "no more, it's enough covering that bug - it's time you fix it, lazy-ass idiot!"

Making ciri from the witcher upcoming tv series a black asian minority ( although she has has elf blood . Elfs are white not black ).

Master/slave controversy.

Introducing random gay movie scenes just for the sake of diversity.

What's next ? Making a documentary about linus torvalds with him being a black asian gay feminist ?

Another project with legacy code got just dusted off at work. Shits fucked beyond recognition! We got:
- Rando variable names that mean nothing
- Timers running with a cycle time of 2.5ms if you start them with the multiplier 1.
- An Interrupt routine thats 300 lines long.
- Another interrupt thats starting an ADC conversion and waiting for it to complete before returning.
- For loops that start with one and subtract one from the iterator in the loop
- Every value that would normally be expressed as a regular number is written down in Hex. Eg: if(val==0x05)
- State machine built without writing down which state is which. Its just a number. (In hex obviously!)
- All running on a Microcontroller you cant debug on.
- Using a compiler no one has ever heard of before.
- Weird ass Port manipulations
- 15 different .hex and .elf files with no clue whats in them.
- No version control
- We tried explaining the code to a monkey and it hanged itself.

Today, my dad can finally ditch his iPhone 4 which is passed down from my eldest sis to my mom and to my dad, all thanks to my brother-in-law getting a Samsung Galaxy J7 on Black Friday.

Finally. No more Apple bullshit in my house!! NO FUCKING MORE!!! *insert hysterical laughter* GOODBYE STUPID 20-PIN CHARGER CABLE~ GOODBYE ITUNES~ GOODBYE ICLOUD~ FUCK YOU!!!

Soo.. Google is using ReCaptcha to improve their AI... They are verifying the answers by having multiple users solve the same image...

Couldn't we break their AI by just having enough users answer the same Captcha in the same wrong way?

This is a story of suffering and despair.

I'm working on a build system for our firmware. Nothing major, just a cmake script to build everything and give me an elf file.

I'm fairly new to cmake at that point, and so it's not abundantly clear to me how the `addDirectory` command works.

Now those of you with experience in cmake will say:
"Hold on there champ, this is not a cmake command, the real thing is add_subdirectory()"

Well, that is not what chatGPT told me. I still trusted the fucking thing at this point, it explained that it was in fact a command, and that it added all subsequent source files from a given folder. When I asked it to provide me with sources, it gave me a dead link in a cmake dot com subdomain.

I spent FUCKING HOURS trying to understand why I couldn't find that shitty command, I looked through that shitty page they call documentation through and through, I fucking checked previous and nightly versions, the command was nowhere to be found.

Until I found an old as time post in stackOverflow...
Someone had made a macro with that name, that did what GPT had described...

On the positive side, I know cmake now. I also don't use this fucking deep Learning piece of shit. Unless you write simple JS or blinking LEDs with Arduino it codes like a Junior, high on every kind of glue on the market.

Running code in a JVM ... which is a virtual machine...
Inside a VM that runs Linux...
Inside a host OS that runs on native...which runs on a CISC processor... that internally runs a RISC architecture... so that makes the CISC a VM...
The RISC architecture I am pretty sure runs on Elf Magic... I am fairly certain Turing was an Elf working for Santa...
So I am really running my code on VM Elf Magic

I'm about to move to a new city and one of the websites I'm using adds its name, url and ©️2018 to anything you copy. It is driving me absolutely insane. Trying to find an adress on google? Well you didn't search for [streetname], you searched for [streetname, website name, url ©️2018]. Thank you for copyrighting that public street you fuck. Trying to e-mail an agent? Sorry I can't send an email to [e-mail adress, website name, url].
Whoever thought of this needs to be taken out back and shot.

"Everything is possible, that’s what science is all about. No, that’s what’s being a Magical Elf is all about." - The Professor (on Futurama)

What do elves post on Social Media? Elf-ies.

When it comes to the idea of programming and magic, or the comparison between software developers/engineers, computer scientists etc as magicians or wizards, nothing brings the idea much more close to hearth than the C programming language.

A while ago I read the R.A Salvatore books concerning Drizzt, the dark elf. I loved the books, have not continued reading them but I remember them vividly. There was one book in which a human magician came about wielding extremely explosive magic, humans were capable of channeling large amounts of it through explosive and unwieldly ends.

This is the same feeling I get from C

Consider:
int items[] = {1, 2, 3};
printf("Third : %i\n", 3[items]);

and fuck me if shit like the above is not dangerous, it makes sense, arrays have the first items of it server as the pointer address to a first element, doing the above operation returns the third element of the array of 3. But holy shit if I don't think this is dangerous and interesting as fuck

there are many more examples I have that I am finding through me fucking around with: language development (compiler, interpreter), kernel programming as well as net sec. C is the most powerful and devastating thing we have in our hands indeed.

...just download our new app! NO! FUCK YOU! What do you think you deserve storage space and permissions on my phone? Make a responsive site or webapp or I will not use your service. Why does everything need a fucking app? Oh, you bought a new car? Download an app! New appliance? DOWNLOAD A FUCKING APP! Just bought a new Samsung phone, but already use all of Googles empireware? WELL HERE IS ANOTHER CALENDAR/MAIL/EVERYTHING APP FROM SAMSUNG THAT YOU CAN'T COMPLETELY DELETE! This needs to stop.
/rant
Thank you for listening

Already done.
1 unlimited money
2 magic bug fixer elf
3 realized there were no point for me to do anything any more so wish to undo the first two.

Is it only me, or is reducing production code size by #ifdef'ing sh*t out sexy as F?

If I have to create an entire class just to handle key expectations and type errors from your api, just know I want to waterboard you. <3

Day 2 was fun to implement but…

I find that elf very suspicious. How does he know what another elf will play? Is he a demon that can see into the future?
And why would that elf help me? He could keep this knowledge for himself and secure a place near the snacks tent.
🤔

Does anyone else read about a new library/framework, get really excited about and can't wait to get home to try it out?

My fellow devs, appreciate what you have right now, even if it doesn't seem that great. I've recently switched majors from Bioinformatics to Medicine and I wouldn't say I regret it, but I do certainly doubt this decision sometimes. While studying Bioinformatics, I was always really interested in the biological part, often wanting to learn more about medical topics and such, thinking if I did switch, I could always keep programming as a hobby. Now I did switch and I miss being in a professional CS field so much. Medicine is great, but the people who study are mentally completely different from people that code. I still code small projects on the side, but don't really have anyone to talk to about them and I'm even starting to regret not paying more attention in linear algebra. I miss linear algebra, think about how ridiculous that is haha. Anyways, if you are looking forward to a major change in your life, it might not be all that you think it will be. So look at your current situation, it might be what you wanted all along.
Thanks for listening.
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.
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Also it is incredible, how technologically incompetent most medical students are lol

1) receive functional requirements
2) create functional specification, post it on forum (no jira)
3) create memo document, post it on forum (no jira)
4) create analysis document with actual code changes without seeing the code (wait for step 8), post it on forum (no jira)
5) receive review on analysis document, fix it and post (no jira, redmine etc from now till the end of rant)
6) after analysis is approved make a checkout request
7) source code manager checkouts files from svn and posts them on forum along with the files list
8) you make actual changes to the code, post changed sources on forum
9) source code manager makes a review to check that amendment commet is present in source code and is properly tagged, and every line of code chnged is properly tagged (you are not allowed to delete anything, not even one space, you need to comment it (and put an appropriate tag))
10) after you passed review you fill in standard compilation request form
11) you code is compiled and elf is put on testing stand
12) you fill in "actual behaviour" and "expected behaviour" columns near description of changed function in template of unit test plan document (yeah we have unit testing) and post it on forum
13) if testing ok changed sources and compiled elfs along with its versions (cksum) commited to svn (not by you, there is a source code manager for that)
14) if someone developed function in same source file as you "commited" he is warned by source code manager and fills checkout request form again
15) ...

My dumbass thinking it would be easy to get a string value of an exported symbol in a .so and now I'm manually parsing and applying symbol relocations

All I wanted was a logger and a counter... that’s it... but multiprocessing in python just has to go and fuck everything up...

Bing Ads Reporting Service is a dumpster fire of complexity...

What are some good coding buddies? I'm thinking of toys, not people. Suggestions? I need someone to talk my code through with who won't argue with me even if my code is wrong 🙃