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Coworker: This guy's computer is completely messed up...
Me: What? Why?
Coworker: So he installed some virus...
Me: Yeah? And...?
Coworker: And apparently it changed all certificates for antivirus programs into Untrusted Certificates - so he can't install anything that could remove the virus!
Me: That's horrifying..7 -
This is horrifying. Testing code seems to have been an afterthought that ended up ruining dozens of peoples’ lives.
“Bad software sent postal workers to jail, because no one wanted to admit it could be wrong”
https://theverge.com/2021/4/...11 -
I hate working with egoistic noobshit hotshot "developers". But sadly, they tend to get ahead because they talk like they know everything in front of tech idiot management.
***
management: I need this swanky feature X in our product within the month.
me: That literally requires a huge refactor because our current codebase was never meant to support this type of service. We need to think about this.
noobshit: I disagree. This is easy. We're already doing something similar that is Z, this shouldn't take very long.
me: Z seems similar, but it actually quite different.
me (in my head): ... and you would know it's *completely* different if you fucking understood our own codebase vs what X needs you moron.
noobshit: Nah, it's similar. We can accomplish X if we polish up Z a bit.
*** 1 week later ***
noobshit: Omg X is horrifying and complex. We can't do it without a huge refactor.
me: yes
me (in my head): Fuck you
***
But guess who's got better career prospects because they're all shiny and positive in front of management?1 -
I'm partially color deficient, which means I can differentiate most colors, except when there is a low contrast between them.
The genius freshers in my company (well, they joined at the same time as I did, but I still call them freshers because they never goddamn improved since they joined). Anyway, these freshers thought it'd be a great idea to take design decisions upon themselves and chose the shittiest colors ever for designing a complicated interface with the most horrifying color palette you'd have ever seen.
Everytime I'm asked to debug this page, I have nightmares as they explain things to me in terms of colors :/4 -
This is a follow-up of my last rant: https://devrant.com/rants/1323422/...
TLDR; My step-son tripped over my HDD power cord, sending it plummeting towards certain death.
So this is just over a year ago. At this point, my GF and I are married, and she's about 7 months pregnant with our daughter. Her son, Nicolas - the one from the last rant - is 13 years old.
So it was a Saturday, and I had Nicolas helping me to clean up the apartment. My wife was off the hook, because, ya know - she's pregnant.
While I was cleaning the living room, I had Nic cleaning the kitchen/dining room area. At this same time, I had my laptop and a 3Tb external USB hard drive on the dining room table, copying a bunch of data or something. This external HDD also had it's own power cord, which was plugged in next to the table.
Next thing I know, I hear an "Ohp!" followed by a crash. It was the horrifying sound of my hard drive plunging 36 inches off the table towards certain death. And death, it had.
Before even checking, I knew this HDD was dead. It took a lot for me not to snap at the kid. I told him to get out of the kitchen and go clean his room. That hard drive... hadn't been backed up. At all, which is on me. Even more so, since that data was really irreplaceable.
Even knowing that the HDD HAD to be dead, I still plugged it in, hoping for a miracle. I got nothing, it wouldn't even spin up.
$ dmesg -w
Showed that linux saw the USB controller and even the HDD controller (it printed out the manufacturer, SeaGate). The data was valuable enough that I was saving up some money to have the data recovered, which would be about $2,000.
However, before I had saved up enough money... My apartment was broken into and all my external HDD's (and some internal ones I had laying around) were stolen.6 -
There's nothing more horrifying than seeing the code made by Java Swing. Good luck trying to find label1X5zPotato and what it does.
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Welp, just found the first horrifying innacuracy in Silicon Valley... Richard prefers tabs over spaces. That cant possibly be a thing, right? Right!!?9
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I think the worst thing in the life is waking up without any desire to leave your bed just facing the roof for a whole day... It is like feeling empty.. omg!! This is horrifying to see your twenties passing without doing anything and the worse that you don't have anyone to talk to...
Sorry If I lost myself..8 -
API endpoint returns data on thing with id number you specify
request data on certain id numbers
gives response data on different id than what you requested
how fucking horrifying
we depend on this thing, but we don't own it at least3 -
There are people I've seen myself multiple times; who quit vim/vi using Ctrl+Z . I was lucky enough to ask one person to just run "jobs". That was horrifying.
I just needed to share this somewhere ...8 -
The most horrifying thing for any Android Dev:
The client wants to build a media app and owns a Samsung device!!!1 -
Shit bathed and stack smashing ass loads of fuck.
I wrote a virtual machine, and just to fuck myself harder, I make the decision of applying some fancy dumbass theories of mine. This translates to a piece of shit modular design that works exactly as intended, but constantly gives me vietnam flashbacks to the horrifying, multiple concurrent instances of my younger mind being incessantly turbo-raped by the dozen object-obsessed pedophiles that I initially studied under.
Now, were they *actual* pedophiles? No, of course not. But I have to make fun of the acronym somehow and that's what came to mind, leaking horse dung all over the walls, floor, curtains and carpets.
Anyway, I feel so smart after this traumatic experience I just have to keep doing it to relive the terror once again. Find me in the corner, laying down in the fetal position, sobbing until the tears build up and drown me in this well of despair, or rather this finely shit painted portrait of a toilet in a lonely and stinking unisex public bathroom stall.
But let me squeeze these fucking tits a little bit harder, because that's my actual day job. That's right. I get PAID for slapping around mammary glands, it's not much but it's an honest living.
So where was I? Ah, yes, absolute degeneration. I'm truly the Max Wright of programming, mostly for smoking crack and having unprotected sex with homeless people, but also for keeping alien life forms in my basement that go out at night to hunt for sweet feline delight.
But as I keep going, I decide I want a language for the machine so I don't have to punch bits by hand all fucking day like an idiot, so alright let's make a small assembler for this shit... oh, right, except it's not small, because gently suckle the bile out the lips of my fucking butthole.
I may redefine a load of shit two months down the line, so I have to make everything perfectly encapsulated and easily fucked with -- which in my licking vomit off the floor of a porn theater travesty of a case means I'm generating half the code and scrambling as hard as I can to glue everything together.
Does it work? Of course it works, I'm Max Wright bitch. I can redefine the ISA all I want, anytime I want without breaking anything because of my pristine crackhead encapsulation. And to credit the scrambled eggs I have for fucking brains, it's not even *that* complex.
The problem is I keep forgetting shit, not how it works, just that it's there. So I forget that I have a virtual machine, and I forget that I have an assembler, and so I spend an entire day trying to figure out how the fuck I'm going to handle a loop inside an unrelated interpreter.
By the time I manage to remind the drooling undead jackass that is this husk that my irredeemably demonic self inhabits, that we can easily solve this by using the tools we've already built, it's so late and we're so tired there's not much we can do. All this time, WASTED.
Which circles back to crack. Are you tired of blowing your babysitter for cash? Have you considered suicide by a thousand used trojan condoms? Is your roommate possesed by the forces of Avernum, and now seeking all-destructive vengeance against your rectum?
Try no other than Soul Excision, the treatment that will neuter your being and curse it to the TRUEST form of eternal damnation! Through Soul Excision, you will be CUT OFF from the very essence of the universe, and turned into an astral prostitute that offers their EVERY orifice to the BUTTLOADS of maggots that debour their mind and body, all for the pleasure of some rich and powerful wankers that *deeply* enjoy watching questionable erotic tapes from nightmarish outer dimensions!
Use my promo code SLUTSKANK for 20% OFF in your very LAST purchase on this earth! And once you surrender your BODILY holes to cosmic oblivion, remember: when it comes to your ASS, we're ALWAYS open for business!
Thanks to Soul Excision for sponsoring this DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD$$$$$"2402"$$?"="$0"?¿"=¿?40'0"$="¿¿=$¿"?=4¿?"$="?¿$="¿?$0¿?"=$¡'0$"¿?$=::::::
:~%4 -
!rant
That glorious, amazing feeling when you discover that horrifying thing you've been looking up to has a library which makes dealing with the thing so much easier than having to send out twenty API requests for authentication etc.
Looking at you, Tweepy and Ansible's digitalocean modules :-)1 -
Interviewing other devs (for job placement) totally sucks. I never realized what a shitty process hiring people can be.
More than half of the applicants are totally unqualified (good fucking job TekSystems), and those who are seem to be only *just* qualified enough, or have really bizarre portfolios and personalities. I'm glad I'm not in HR.1 -
typical fucking health industry experience: https://rumble.com/v5ghd04-doctors-...
I cried to this and it was good -
Over the last week I've slowly grown to fucking hate IMAP and SMTP. You'd think after so many years we'd have come up with better servers to manage email but no we still rely on fucking decades old protocols that can't even batch requests.
To make things worse I need to attach to IMAP through node and that has been a nightmare. All the libraries suck ass and even the ones tailored towards Gmail don't work for Gmail because Google decided one day to fucking out the header at the bottom of some emails and split into mimeparts. Also why the fuck is fetching email asynchronous? There's no point at all since we requests are processed line by line in IMAP, and if the library actually supported sending asynchronous requests it wouldn't require a new object to be created for each request and allow only a single listener.
Also callbacks are antiquated for a while and it pisses me off that node hasn't updated their libraries i.e. TLS to support async/await. I've taken to "return await new Promise" where the resolve of the promise is passed as the callback, which let's me go from callback to promise to async/await. If anyone has any other ideas I'm all ears otherwise I might just rewrite their TLS library altogether...
And this is just IMAP. I wish browsers supported TLS sockets because I can already see a server struggling with several endpoints and users, it would be much easier to open a connection from the client since the relationship is essentially:
Client [N] --- [1] Server [1] --- [1] IMAP
And to make the legs of that N : N which would fix a lot of issues, I would have to open a new IMAP connection for every client, which is cool cause it could be serverless, but horrifying because that's so inefficient.
Honestly we need a new, unifying email protocol with modern paradigms...8
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