AboutJunior advanced googler obsessed with making websites look good.
SkillsHTML, CSS, JS (nodeJS), PHP (I know), C#
Joined devRant on 12/20/2017
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I wonder how much traffic Vue cinemas' website gets from web developers searching for "Vue" on Google and clicking on the first link presented.1
I've been tasked to do website debugging.
For Internet Explorer 11.
On a Mac.
I have to use a virtual machine to get Windows on a mac just so I can test on internet explorer.
This mac is not fast.
This virtual machine is even less fast.
The internet explorer on this virtual machine on this mac is the least fast.
Even worse, this website is a pile of garbage. It's slower than my grandma.
My grandma is dead.
You can't get any slower than that, so I thought.
But then I got introduced to the result of making a wordpress site with over 300 pieces of media and 20 plugins.
If you are one of the people that's smart enough to stay away from wordpress: I assure you that it fucks your site up beyond repair.
So anyway, how was your day?3
Jesus Christ, if the cucks at this company don't start cleaning the coffee machine them-fucking-selves, I'm going to flip my shit.
There's been a chalk warning for about a month now and nobody is doing shit about it.
They leave the excess coffee powder in until either I clean it out or it literally starts to mold.
And it's not like they don't use it, everybody here drinks at least two cups a day, do you not care if it tastes at least a little all right!?
Nobody is ever going to get even a half decent cup out of this janky piece of shit.8
Not really Dev advice, but I appreciated it.
"Do your best to take responsibility for everything that happens to you. Even if it's not your fault."
"On the flip side, never apologize for something that isn't your fault. That includes other people's feelings. You're not in control of their emotions."
Me to designer: "I did the research and this just isn't possible to implement, I'm sorry"
What I actually mean: "There's a couple of ways I could implement that feature, but all of them require me to do sketchy things that destroy my integrity as a programmer."5
Lead-Dev: I got a little job for you; put this list of links in the footer of our website.
Me: But... this list of links is a bunch of websites of another company...
why would that go in OUR footer?
LD: Well, Google gives a higher SEO score when two websites have links to one another.
Me: Oh, okay.
LD: Just make the list as subtle as possible. Visitors aren't really supposed to click on them.
Me under my breath: (How are these people allowed to call themselves professionals?)2
Things to accomplish within the next two years = [
0. Get a job that actually pays me.
1. Use money acquired from said job to buy a bunch of stuff I want. (Like an actual PC instead of a laptop)
2. Learn a bunch of things about back end development (CSS is my passion)
3. Make a 2d game engine, so I can find what the fuck a game engine is/does.
4. Learn to comment my code more frequently.
5. Move out of the big nest.
6. Stop getting mad at video games.];2
One of the devs at my internship company decided to have a client's website load all of it's pages from the website's Database.
That's right, a PAGE as a database row!
And I don't mean having it get some of the info from the columns and putting it into the page's html with php or some shit. No, I mean an actual html file copy pasted and added into the database.
This company scares me sometimes.1
Me: "I did it, I finally finished implementing the design!"
Designer: "The client wants a complete overhaul of the design."5
Design team: "Is it okay if I put this here?"
Me: "No, it's not okay if you put that there."
Design team: "Are you sure? It'd be really cool if I could put that there."
Me: "No, I will need to fuck with a lot of things if you put that there, just put it in the bootstrap columns."
Design team: "Hold on, lemme see if it's okay to put that there."
Lead-dev: "He's right, you shouldn't put that there."
Company: "We should have a meeting to discuss where the design team can and can't put things."
Lead-dev: "Just put the things in the middle and devide them in these twelve columns on seperate rows, 'kay?"
Company: "Okay, the design team will now put the thing in those things, right design team?"
Design team: "Yes, we agree to putting the thing where we should put the thing."
Me: "So where do you want the thing now?"
Design team: "I want it all the way to the right, outside of the container, that'd look cool."
Me: "Fuck you."21
Lead-Dev: "These links don't work as they should, I'm having you fix them, 'kay?"
Me: "I'll have a look."
> The link doesn't do anything when you click on it.
My internal monologue: (The href is probably just wrong)
> It's not wrong.
Me: "What the fuck?"
Lead-Dev: "Can you fix it?"
Me: "I don't think I can."
Lead-Dev: "Why don't you try looking in thisScript.js?"
Me: "Oh, you think the click event got prevented or something?"
Lead-Dev: "No, I think something went wrong with what that script is doing with the jQuery library this site uses."
Me: "jQuery... library...?"3
Speaking of bad dev days, what a week I'll be having.
Lead-dev: I've got some bad news for you.
Me: Client X?
Lead: Client X.
Me: How many pages do I have to change?
Lead: All of them.
Me: On how many of their websites?
Lead: All of them.
Me: All of them?
Lead: All. Of. Them.19
Emergancy carepackage for tough dev days.
- Dank memes
- And of course: Devrant, to Dev vent my frustration. 😉
Conversation between me (intern) and a guy from communications, let's call him Bob.
Bob: "Hey, client X wants these pages to be changed."
Me: "Again? Last time I changed them was less than a week ago!"
Bob: "Yeah, everyone thinks X is a pain in the ass, but hey, more money for us."
Me: "But you don't pay me..."
Bob: "Oh yeah, you're right haha XD."
Me: "Haha... :')"2
When the client wants an onclick menu, complete with animations and responsiveness, for a menu with only four items.2
Probably when I took my first dip into scripting and realized it was possible to inject stupid jokes into any website I knew.1
Did anybody else know that putting comments in your HTML creates an EMPTY TEXT NODE IN THE DOM?
REAL helpful information when you have to GATHER EVERY ELEMENT WITH TEXT INSIDE OF IT!
WHY WOULD HTML EVEN BE LIKE THIS? IT'S A COMMENT! WHY DOES IT HAVE ANY EFFECT, even if it's minimal, ON THE DOM WHATSOEVER, THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!4
I made a wordpress plugin
(don't ask, it's practice for an internship)
The plugin turns every element that does not have a child into an image of a rubber ducky at a speed of 6 rubber ducks a minute.13