Long time no see Friend:- "hey dude what do you do for a living"

Me:- "I suffer in silence"

Ltnsf:- " but what exactly do you do"

Me:-"I stare at a rectangular space hoping to find enlightenment"

I wrote the algorithm which does this :) very happy with the outcome

My first job was a statistical program that i wrote during a trainee at a local IT department.
My boss liked it and told me I could keep the sources and the copyright.
Then he made some phone calls and helped me to find my first clients.

Since that time I am working on the same program.
I founded a software company and have a good life now.

My old boss retired some years ago, but some of the team are still there.
From time to time I visit the department having a coffee with old friends.

That trainee was nearly 30 years ago.

Dear Developers,

A. Please put your fucking functions in files with names related to the purpose of the functions.

B. Don't define your database management methods in your goddamn configuration file.

C. In addition, fucking document your shit at the top of the file if you refuse to abide by request A.

Someone is going to maintain or modify this code after you, and that person will have a hell of a time with it.

My first software teacher almost made me quit programming for life.

She spent the entire year not showing us how to make a shity app in visual basic. Zero help. We all hated it.

At the end of the year and she realised she had 'forgotten' to teach us 70% of the course. We all failed miserably! I didn't touch programming for almost 3 years. (unless you could MATLAB, which I don't).

That was when I discovered Mehran Sahami's CS106A course on the Stanford website. Honestly the best teacher I've never met! His passion is boundless and mastery of teaching is second to none. Thanks to him I discovered programming and I love it! Karol the robot should get a special mention too!

Good teachers make the world of difference.

First rant.

Managing an app in Canada, came back home to Thailand to visit my parents.

No deployments while you're gone, just bug fixes, boss said.

Landed at 3am, "hey I know we only support desktop but we got new customers only on iPad, make it responsive in a day and deploy." Wtf.

Haven't even seen my parents. In Starbucks.

The only expressions devs have

I am so thrilled that the hackathon that I coorganized is happening! 😍😍

New dev: I need help with this issue. I've been debugging it all day.

*2 hours later*

Me: spent a while debugging it, eventually came across a stack overflow post that says you can't do that.

New dev: oh I saw that earlier, didn't think it applied.

Me: ... why ... accepted answer "It is not possible to do this, this way".

New dev: hhhmm, ok

... get the fuck out of this building immediately.

My friend just committed 24000 changes. RIP project ☠️⚰️

Schrödinger's chat

THERE IS A FUCKING DIFFERENCE BETWEEN "React.component" and "React.Component"! Took me fucking 2 hours to figure this fucking thing out. Until then I was certain that this was some dependency issue. Oh the rage right now!! 🔫🔪💣💣😡

STOP DOING THIS!!!

Android stuck on boot when running from SD card
Source: Reddit

My Friend: Dude our Linux Server is not working anymore!

Me: What? What did you do?

My friend: Nothing I swear!

Me: But you were last on it?

My friend: Yes. I just wanted to run a bash file and needed to give it permissions.

Me : WHAT DID YOU ENTER???!

My Friend: Chill man, just this command I found on the internet
chmod -R 600 /
chown -R root:root /

Me: WHY ARE YOU EVEN IN ROOT AND GOD DAMMIT WHY ARE YOU EVEN USING SOME RANDOM COMMAND FROM THE INTERNET. YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD NOT DO THIS OR JUST ASK!

My friend: Ok I did something wrong, how can I fix it?

Me: Did you make a backup or rsync of the server?

My friend: No. I just wanted to run this file.

Me: You holocausted the server. FUCK MY LIFE

Told us to use facebook or google drive to share code instead of git

At our first programming course at uni (it was in C), a student asks in class:
Student: what is a pointer?
Teacher: i don't know, i only know Java.

How the hell did the poor guy end up teaching C then?!

Typical code comment

When you're creating new website and Chrome asks you if you want to translate the page from Latin.

...okayyy 🤔

Please Android studio eat more RAM, u peace of ..... 😡

I've heard a lot about four loops, but how do three loops work?

While installing Windows 10:

Do you want to enable Cortana?

By enabling Cortana, you agree to share your voice input, typing history, search history, your location...

I think they should just minify this to: you agree to share your life with us.

Long but funny 😂😂😂

Fuckin' manager... lol

My LastPass master password..

Angry programmer:
YOU WANT A PUBLIC KEY?
YOU WANT A PUBLIC KEY?
*smashes keyboard*
THERE'S YOUR PUBLIC KEY

So Seagate just announced enterprise capacity 12 TB HDD : 2nd gen helium filled hard drives
My thoughts : will all that helium help you store the information on cloud ?

I have stickers on my laptop too
😎😎
😂😂😂😂

Some sort by Date, some by length, others by upvotes. But devrant's algorithm is so great it sorts by sarcasm.