Strongly typed SMS

Six months ago my girlfriend broke up with me...
BUT since then I've...
•Found the wonderful world of devRant
•Gotten back into electronics
•Taught myself PCB design
•Gotten back into programming
•Made a discord bot
•Started teaching myself calculus
•Began building an ai for said discord bot
•Designed a wireless mesh networking NIC for the TI84+CE

Sure I feel like shit most of the time but before I did anyway but I've been super productive and it feels kind of nice

Owner of company I freelance for: I need you to find out what CMS [website] is running in.

[Checking...]

Me: It's running in Drupal

Owner: Prove to me that it's running in Drupal, because she's saying you're wrong.

Me: Who the hell is "she"?

Owner: The boss over at [PR Company we do work for]

Me: Is she a developer?

Owner: No, of course not. She barely knows how to run a computer.

Me: Then tell I said it's running in Drupal, and if she wants proof, tell her I'm the developer she has begged to fix two other failing projects and I have delivered both times ahead of schedule.

Owner: If you don't show me proof, I'll fire you. I don't need attitude from my employees.

Me: A.) I'm not your employee, you are my client. I don't clock in for you and you don't withhold taxes from my pay. B.) If that's how you want to be, tell her to use terminal and cURL the website for the response header, as well as cross-reference folder structure for CSS/JS file inclusion to show it's running in Drupal.

Owner: What the fuck is terminal?

Me: If you don't know what terminal is, neither will she, meaning you have no business telling me how to do my job. Stick with assigning me tasks and let me use my expertise to get them done. Micromanaging need not apply here, mmm'kay pumpkin?

Owner: You sure are grouchy today.

Me: Yep...

I am feeling nerdier than ever.

Today is:
- PI day
- Einstein birthday
- Stephen Hawking died today
- My birthday

Interviewing a junior dev.
> Make this function return false.
> junior: deleted all code in function replaces it with return false;

Literally no words.........

Me: I have admin rights
Windows: Looks legit
Me: can I delete this folder ?
Windows: Nope

Dev: Microsoft is shit

VS Code: (ಥ⌣ಥ)

Dev: Oh not you dear! You're not like the other guys

VS Code: (｡◕‿◕｡)

*me coding in Atom in world history class*
*Teacher walks over*
Teacher: Are you on task?
Me: I'm taking notes.
Teacher: It doesn't look like it.
Me: I set a dark theme for Microsoft Word.
*Teacher walks away*

My "Coding Standards" for my dev team

1.) Every developer thinks or have thought their shit don't stink. If you think you have the best code, submit it to your peers for review. The results may surprise you.

2.) It doesn't matter if you've been working here for a day or ten years. Everyone's input is valuable. I don't care if you're the best damn programmer. If you ever pull rank or seniority on someone who is trying to help, even if it isn't necessarily valid or helpful, please have your resume ready to work elsewhere.

3.) Every language is great and every language sucks in their own ways. We don't have time for a measuring contest. The only time a language debate should arise is for the goal of finding the right one for the project at hand.

4.) Comment your code. We don't have time to investigate what the structure and purpose of your code is when we need to extend upon it.

5.) If you use someone else's work, give them the credit in your comments. Plagiarism will not be tolerated.

6.) If you use flash, you will be taken out back and shot. If you survive, you will be shot again.

7.) If you load jQuery for the sole purpose of writing a simple function, #6 applies.

8.) Unless it is an actual picture, there is little to no reason for not utilizing CSS. That's what it's there for.

9.) We don't support any version of Internet Explorer and Edge other than the latest versions, and only layout/alignment fixes will be bothered with.

10.) If you are struggling with a task, reach out. While you should be able to work independently, it doesn't make sense to waste your time and everyone else's to not seek assistance when needed.

11.) I'm serious about #6 and #7. Don't do it.

Just got my first RedBubble shirt 😍

New devRant web app for desktop is now live! (https://devrant.com - the .com will now redirect to feed if you are logged in) Let us know what you think, and especially if you spot any bugs (very likely some slipped through). Some cool new features are still in development, will be out shortly.

Who the fuck hires wix developers ?

Do you need someone to drag and drop for you?

Give that man some HUGE FUCKING COOKIES!

All I want for Christmas is... 😍😍😍

Searching where an event takes place at, Google says "the Earth"

Just applied to a new job with this as my cover letter.
Wish me luck!

1: Get a dog
2: Name dog Sudo
3: Teach Sudo to fetch my mail
4: Invite Linux-friend over
5: Yell "sudo fetchmail"
6: ?
7: Profit

Dude should have his 10 points

Types of headache 😂

One of the scariest pumpkins I've ever seen...😂😨

Here's a list of unpopular stuff which I agree with:

1) I love Java more than any other programming language.

2) I love sleeping more than working.

3) I'm not a night owl. I thrive the most during daylight.

4) I don't like or need coffee. Tea is fine.

5) Webdev is a huge clusterfuck which I secretly wish that could just die already.

6) Cybersecurity is a meme and actually not that interesting. Same passes for Cloud, Machine Learning and Big Data.

7) Although I'm a huge fan of it Linux is too unstable and non-idiot proof to ever become mainstream on the desktop.

8) Windows is actually a pretty solid OS.

9) The real reason I don't use macos is because I'm a poorfag that can't afford an overpriced laptop.

10) I don't like math and I hate that people push math shit into random interview questions for dev jobs which have nothing to do with math.

Post yours.

Another dev on my team just got a new machine. Before he came in today I made two separate USB installers and left him these notes.

After job Interview,
We will come in contact with you later that week.
*Later that week*
You've got mail

Highpayingjob@gmail.com
Job interview

You didn't get the job.
Your didn't Meet out requirements.

Sincerely us.

*5 minutes later*

Highpayingjob@gmail.com
Job interview

We must apollogize, we've sent you the wrong mail.

Sincerely us.

*5minutes later*

Highpayingjob@gmail.com
Job Interview.

You werent good enough at our Interview.

Sincerely us.

*Me*
What. The. Fuck.
Just happened...
WHAT THE FUCK!
2 REJECTIONS FROM THE SAME COMPANY?! IN JUST 10 FUCKING MINUTES!

me.children += 1;
^_^

Big congrats to @AlexDeLarge for being the first devRant member to hit 50,000 ++!

A pretty awesome accomplishment highlighting great contributions and content.

Me: *Working intently on project*
Gf: "Why are you just googling stuff & copying"

WELCOME TO PROGRAMMING 101

Q: As a programmer in devRant, which one do you choose? The small one, the middle one or the largest?
A: Fine, I choose the white one...

Let's play Sudo, a Linux board game

Nice...

25 phrases you wish you could say at work more often

(Warning: Contains naughty words...:-)))

1. Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

11. I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. No, my powers can only be used for good.

24. You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.

25. Who me? I just wander from room to room