Got call from extremely angry customer, our product is shit and doesn't work. At all. Important customer so I went to visit.

He had the perfect setup, our product to the left, our competitor's to the right.

He connected the Ethernet cable to their product, it worked. He plugged it out and connected to ours... Nothing. Shit.

I started to debug on the premises, took logs, everything. It seemed like our product didn't receive any data at all. What the fuck? Tried everything, debugged low level, still nothing. Sweating as hell.

After two hours I got a strange feeling. So I swapped place, our product to the right, competitor's to the left. Now OUR product worked, competitor's zilch.

THE FUCKING ETHERNET CABLE HAD A GLITCH. IF YOU BENT IT TO THE RIGHT IT WORKED, IF YOU BENT IT TO THE LEFT IT WAS BROKEN.

I had never seen a customer be this embarrassed in my life. He apologized to me, my boss, his boss, the Queen, everyone.

We got the contract.

Me: *puts small piece of tape over webcam*

NSA: Okay guys, shut it all down. No way we can record from the microphone, log keys, access the file system, USB devices, network data or watch the screen. He did the tape.

Girl: "hey"

My Brain:
java.lang.NullPointerException:
at net.brain.functions.Talk.retrieveSpeech(Talk.java:2978)
at net.brain.functions.Talk.createFlirtyResponse(Talk.java:3132)

Me: null

*Girl walks away*

Today we interviewed a _very_ good Angular1 Dev, by chance we showed him the forked ngRouter module we use, after some debate he explained that we were using it incorrectly.. I asked if he'd used it before to which he responded:

"Yeah, I'm the guy who built it"

😅

"So, why do you want to work at our office in mexico?"
"I want to be a señor developer."

When a hiring manager wants 5+ years experience in Swift.

Swift release date = June 2, 2014

😂👍🖕

wow devrant, you finally did it.

New engineer: "How do you estimate how long a project will take?"

         Seasoned engineer: "I add up the time required for each task, then multiply the sum by pi."

         New engineer: "Why pi?"

         Seasoned engineer: "It ensures that all my budgets are irrational."

Sister called me on my way to work (she never calls me, we communicate through a family signal) to ask if I wanted to come over for dinner in the weekend because a new guy she knows will be there and also my parents.

Me: hmm idk I've got a lot to do in the weekend....
Sis: he saw my laptop by the way, he was highly impressed that its dual booted and asked how on earth I know about Linux! Then I told him about you and what you do and now he really wants to meet you!
Me: what time would I have to be there?

I hate how that stuff can make me change my mind just like this 😅

When you live long enough to become the villain.

Seems appropriate.

The wizard

Slack: "People can't work when we're down"

GitHub: "Hold my beer"

I was told during my initial interview that the book "Clean Code" is their Bible here.

And it's true. It's lying, unread in drawers and shelves all over the office.

For all you meme lovers

namespace Improvise {
static class Adapt {
int Overcome;
}
}

Improvise.Adapt.Overcome

Also orders a NULL beer....

So I just wrote a Ruby script to encrypt some files in AES.

I started it, it's designed to show the key when it's finished. It encrypted 7 files, then Kaspersky pops up and deletes my entire Ruby installation.

okeh

$ man unzip
Definitely the weirdest command I've used in a while

Here’s what I came up with.

Don’t treat a semicolon as an end of the line but rather as a possibility of a new beginning.

Inspirational right? LOL

I always write lenght the wrong way when using it in javascript...

I just tried to connect on my own teletype portal 😂 And this is one of the best error messages I've seen lately 😂

Happy New Year Guys

I bet this is true for all of us

I just came to delete my gmail account from when I was 12-13. I haven't touched it in years. There was a video where someone needed tech-related help, so I helped them, and I think that's where this person found me...

"Hacker."

** Fanboys getting triggered in 3...2..1 **

When you are programming and you feel philosophical

Just signed a contract for a new room!

This means I'll be going from 500kbs to a general 30-50mbs 😍

There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.

A few days ago, I finally switched from Win 10 to Linux. Now, I see an open source world of customization, free of any bloatware or BSOD. And it feels great ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

"This probably won't work".

Oh, that works. Neat.