My friend said "I googled it on duck duck go"

Me: Dude what?

Manager: I want you to make an architecture diagram for this system
Me, not sure what diagram but ok asking my senior then
Senior: You know those diagrams you learned in uni? Yeah, do whichever you think is suitable
Me, left to my own devices, makes a shitty use case and sequence diagram
Manager: We don't actually do diagrams like yours here. But I like it so lets stick with it.

😱 Ok. Cool.

Biggest scaling challenge?
Growing 1.80m. Took me 19 years

These foreign Indian scammers keep calling me about "computer virus".

Today, the guy told me to press ctrl + Windows key. I told him I use Arch Linux and then told him I use Netscape as my browser, and he still didn't take the hint.

He asked me "how can you have the Windows key on your keyboard and use Linux?".

#stupidfuck

I can throw an exception further than anyone else...
Just saying

Every time when I have nothing to do...

How to become cool in a developer community:
- try javascript for the first time
- pretend to use it like your favorite programming language (99% C)
- notice it is different
- rant about how stupid is javascript and its users

Client : pls put the disclaimer that the site uses cookies.
Me: but we don't use cookies this is a static page
Client: Still, the pop up makes the site look more professional, kindly add the feature asap
Me: :/

I've just googled

"How to kill a demonized puma"

And now I'm not sure anymore if I'm a developer or a wizard

- Get comfortable with a new programming language
- Move our company away from PHP
- Practice guitar at least 8h a week

I'm trying out a new rendering engine, it's pretty slow but I'm getting somewhere.

My (6 years old) client is sitting next to me and is kind of picky and tells me exactly what to do.

No payout though 🤔

Client: This blue looks a bit too white against the white background, please make it more standout.

Me: But this is your corporate colour and it is one of the colours in your branding guide. In it, there is also a warning saying “don’t use colours outside our palette” and “don’t use coloured typography on coloured background”. So you should use this blue only on white and you are not suppose to change the colour.

Client: Yeah, keep the colour but make it more saturated and change the tone a bit, so it has more contrast.

Me: 🤔

Learn tar without googling.

You know the code is in bad shape when you see variables starting with "get":

Integer getDataBlockSize;

Make something that people actually use

Absolutely!

Yesterday, my employer promoted me to lead web developer.

I’m still the only web developer.

New devRant web app for desktop is now live! (https://devrant.com - the .com will now redirect to feed if you are logged in) Let us know what you think, and especially if you spot any bugs (very likely some slipped through). Some cool new features are still in development, will be out shortly.

Launching my own tech company, and bringing google down to it's knees with it 🤘

I wish i would have these speeds @ home...
this is @ work for your information

Today my classmate came up to me and said he was a hacker.

I told him to prove it, and guess what? HE ACTUALLY HACKED GOOGLE!

It was amazing! He impressed so many kids in the class with his skills of pressing F12! How impressive is that?

He even wore a black hoodie and can spell his name in binary code. Not to mention, he changed google doc's page color to black and the font to green as he typed his essay.

I need to be careful... This 1337 h4x0r is really scary.

83w4r3

I have my reasons that Socrates once tried to understand how Docker works, because I have exactly the same feelings.

A few weeks before, my neighbor came to me saying his wifi is hacked and someone is abusing it.
So I tried the wifi and found out there is no password. And the one who was abusing a simple open wifi was me XD.
So I set a password for her and disabled wps. But hopefully no one (expect devrant) will know I used that much bandwidth.

Mother (working in recruitment): "What's the difference between JavaScript and Java?"

Me: "I'm glad you finally asked that..."

It's funny because it's true

As a programmer, I'm outraged.

Created a Python Course chatbot over at LINE Messenger. At first I thought it wouldn’t even helped anyone learn programming but now I got over 230 active students learning each day. This is great!

Phone conversation between me and a client:

CLIENT: "I see it weird..."
ME: "Which browser are you using?"
CLIENT: "The one you tech guys don't like"
ME: "Internet Explorer, isn't it?"
CLIENT: "Yeah, I'll switch to Firefox then."

Total garbage

It's 2018, web developers, let get our tools on..