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At work today the guys showed me how I can listen in on calls so I can prepare myself for phone support.
We tested it through a call between two of the guys.
They started talking like "test test123 is this working"
I said yes and continued working behind my screen. They just didn't know I was still listening.
Both guys started saying stuff like "welcome to the sex hotline"
"hello and welcome to the *insert something sexual* hotline!"
One of the guys after a few minutes: why is your head so red?!
Wait.... Have you been listening along?? 😅
Yes 😂
*everyone bursts out in laughter*44 -
!geek girlfriend
Me and my partner are in the car driving. We drive by a young girl who is on her scooter. I look at my gf and ask,
Me: do you sometimes have some weird thoughts in mind (and nothing relating to sex her just so you know).
Her: well what do you mean?
Me: well i se that person scootering on the sidewalk and i imagine screaming at her like a lunatic “GET THE FUCK OFF THE ROAD PUNK” (which the little girl clearly isn't).
She laughs.
Her: yeah，i do too but it's more scientific， like sometimes i wonder how many times some one would flip. In the air if i hit them with the car or how long would it take some one to reach the ground if i pushed them off the balcony.
....
Me: silence...
Skin goes white
Her: looks at me with a big smile!!!
Im not sure if this is good or bad ;)24 -
Last night I had a dream about a bug and I woke up with a solution. When I got to the office and tried it out it worked...I have heard about this happening before but this is the first time I have experienced it!11
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!rant
I had this idea about national flags on the avatar. (Something like an item on the desk) then @letmecode suggested notebook stickers.
What you devRanters think?
20 -
I was just scrolling down a Facebook feed and a part of a picture with Linus Torvalds appeared.
- Hell no! Not again, 2016, just fuck off already!!
And then... "Happy birthday!"
My heart skipped a beat...
6 -
My first job: The Mystery of The Powered-Down Server
I paid my way through college by working every-other-semester in the Cooperative-Education Program my school provided. My first job was with a small company (now defunct) which made some of the very first optical-storage robotic storage systems. I honestly forgot what I was "officially" hired for at first, but I quickly moved up into the kernel device-driver team and was quite happy there.
It was primarily a Solaris shop, with a smattering of IBM AIX RS/6000. It was one of these ill-fated RS/6000 machines which (by no fault of its own) plays a major role in this story.
One day, I came to work to find my team-leader in quite a tizzy -- cursing and ranting about our VAR selling us bad equipment; about how IBM just doesn't make good hardware like they did in the good old days; about how back when _he_ was in charge of buying equipment this wouldn't happen, and on and on and on.
Our primary AIX dev server was powered off when he arrived. He booted it up, checked logs and was running self-diagnostics, but absolutely nothing so far indicated why the machine had shut down. We blew a couple of hours trying to figure out what happened, to no avail. Eventually, with other deadlines looming, we just chalked it up be something we'll look into more later.
Several days went by, with the usual day-to-day comings and goings; no surprises.
Then, next week, it happened again.
My team-leader was LIVID. The same server was hard-down again when he came in; no explanation. He opened a ticket with IBM and put in a call to our VAR rep, demanding answers -- how could they sell us bad equipment -- why isn't there any indication of what's failing -- someone must come out here and fix this NOW, and on and on and on.
(As a quick aside, in case it's not clearly coming through between-the-lines, our team leader was always a little bit "over to top" for me. He was the kind of person who "got things done," and as long as you stayed on his good side, you could just watch the fireworks most days - but it became pretty exhausting sometimes).
Back our story -
An IBM CE comes out and does a full on-site hardware diagnostic -- tears the whole server down, runs through everything one part a time. Absolutely. Nothing. Wrong.
I recall, at some point of all this, making the comment "It's almost like someone just pulls the plug on it -- like the power just, poof, goes away."
My team-leader demands the CE replace the power supply, even though it appeared to be operating normally. He does, at our cost, of course.
Another weeks goes by and all is forgotten in the swamp of work we have to do.
Until one day, the next week... Yes, you guessed it... It happens again. The server is down. Heads are exploding (will at least one head we all know by now). With all the screaming going on, the entire office staff should have comped some Advil.
My team-leader demands the facilities team do a full diagnostic on the UPS system and assure we aren't getting drop-outs on the power system. They do the diagnostic. They also review the logs for the power/load distribution to the entire lab and office spaces. Nothing is amiss.
This would also be a good time draw the picture of where this server is -- this particular server is not in the actual server room, it's out in the office area. That's on purpose, since it is connected to a demo robotics cabinet we use for testing and POC work. And customer demos. This will date me, but these were the days when robotic storage was new and VERY exciting to watch...
So, this is basically a couple of big boxes out on the office floor, with power cables running into a special power-drop near the middle of the room. That information might seem superfluous now, but will come into play shortly in our story.
So, we still have no answer to what's causing the server problems, but we all have work to do, so we keep plugging away, hoping for the best.
The team leader is insisting the VAR swap in a new server.
One night, we (the device-driver team) are working late, burning the midnight oil, right there in the office, and we bear witness to something I will never forget.
The cleaning staff came in.
Anxious for a brief distraction from our marathon of debugging, we stopped to watch them set up and start cleaning the office for a bit.
Then, friends, I Am Not Making This Up(tm)... I watched one of the cleaning staff walk right over to that beautiful RS/6000 dev server, dwarfed in shadow beside that huge robotic disc enclosure... and yank the server power cable right out of the dedicated power drop. And plug in their vacuum cleaner. And vacuum the floor.
We each looked at one-another, slowly, in bewilderment... and then went home, after a brief discussion on the way out the door.
You see, our team-leader wasn't with us that night; so before we left, we all agreed to come in late the next day. Very late indeed.9 -
Boss: we are going to build a blockchain. ( he is smiling proudly)
Me: we are doing data visualization boss!!! Why we need the blockchain?!?!?
Boss: I am disappointed in you!!! You don’t read any Tech news or follow the market trends? BlockChain is tending nowadays... ( showing angry emoji using his face)
Me: it is not related to our work by anything!!! What we will visualize? A success of the transition? The amount of it? A visualization of the nodes?
Boss: (shouting) there are a lot of opportunities using the BlockChain in our days, and it is critical to our business...
Me: boss, there many opportunities using the ******* BlockChain, and I am leaving this company by the end of the month... find a ******* BlockChain developer to visualize the ******* process...
Boss: ........ (silence)
Me: .... (already resigned)7 -
Guys...
DevRant logged in automatically on my new phone. I don't know how I feel about this.
Or maybe I've already forgotten.
Help. I'm getting old and senile.11 -
I enjoy coding. Whether it's a language I know or learning a new one. The problem is that I can't actually focus on a language to master or decide on a career path.19
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Someone just asked me to create a huge web application for them for free. Their logic is I can practice Java lol.3
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When I opened my digital agency it was me and my wife as developers, I had no savings and I needed to get long contracts ASAP which luckily I did straight away.
Lovely client, had worked for them before as a consultant so i thought it would be a breeze. Let's just say the project should've been named "Naivete, Scope Creep and Anger: The revenge".
What happened is that when this project was poised to end I naively thought I would be able to close the job, so I started looking for a new full time consultancy gig and found one where I could work from home, and agreed a starting date.
Well, the previous job didn't end because of flaws in my contract the client exploited, leaving me locked in and working full time, for free, for basically as long as he wanted (I learned a lot the hard way at that time) and I had already started the new agreed job. This meant I was now working 2 full time shifts, 16 hours per day.
Then, two support contracts of 2 hours per day were activated, bringing my work load to 20 hours/day.
I did this for 4 months.
The first job was supposed to last one month, and I was locked into it, all others had no end in sight which is a good thing as a freelancer, but not when you are locked into a full time one already. I could've easily done one 8 hours shift and two 2 hours jobs per day, but adding another 8 hours on top of it was insanity.
So I was working 10 hours, and sleeping 2. I had no weekends, didn't know if it was day or night anymore, I was locked in my room, coding like a mad man, making the best out of a terrible situation, but I was mentally destroyed.
I was waking up at 10am, working until 8pm, sleeping 2 hours until 10pm, working until 8am, sleeping 2 hours until 10am, and so on. Kudos to my wife for dealing with account and project management and administration responsibilities while also helping me with small pieces of code along the way, couldn't have survived without the massive amount of understanding she offered.
In the end:
- I forcefully closed the messed up contract job and sent all the work done to another digital agency I met along the way, very competent people, as I still cared about the project.
- I missed a deadline on my other full time contract by 2 days, meaning they missed a presentation for Adobe, of all people, and I lost the job
- The other two support contracts were finished successfully, but as my replies were taking too long they decided not to work with us anymore.
So I lost 4 important clients in the span of 4 months. After that I took a break of one month, slept my troubles away, and looked for a single consultancy full time contract, finding it soon after, and decided I wouldn't have my own clients for a good while.
3 years since then, I still don't have the willpower or the resources to deal with clients of my own and I'm happily trudging along as a consultant, while still having middle of the night nightmare flashbacks to that time.2 -
Got rid of Facebook for personal reasons...spending more time on devrant and much more happy :) less politics!2
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We've built a web app and now a client wants a VPN acces to the database of web app. When asked why, they said they want to occasionally pull some data out. 😱
We said no, and this is what they wrote:
"We’ve got live VPN access to every other web database we work with – why is this different?"
Well because maybe we know that we can build you an export of whatever you want, prepare you API calls for getting data to your CRM, but hell I'm not giving you access to the production DB.5 -
Windows 10 S 😂😂😂😂😂😂☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️😂☠️☠️😂
Really Microsoft...just when I started to have faith in you again!18 -
Me : *googles 'linked'*
Google: Wut? I don't get it! Both? Same? Ad? *Scraps this*, *scraps that* Tadaa!!
2 -
So my team lead told me in a code review that you shouldn't use 'else if' in code.
Instead you should best them like:
if
else
if
else
if
else
Apparently that would improve readability...
Am I crazy, or what?25 -
Ever since I started working at a company that has a real focus on software I have less to rant about....😒3
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You can believe or not but it’s just one of those stories. It’s long and crazy and it probably happened.
A few years ago I was interviewed by this big insurance company. They asked me on linkedin and were interested. They didn’t specify who they were so I didn’t specify who I am either.
After they revealed who they are I was just curious how they fuck they want to spend those billions of dollars they claimed in their press notes about this fucking digital transformation everyone is talking about. The numbers were big.
I got into 3 or 4 phone/skype interviews without technical questions and I was invited to see them by person.
I know that it would be funny because they didn’t asked me for CV so they didn’t know anything about me and I was just more curious how far I can get without revealing myself.
They canceled interview at midnight and I was in the middle of Louis de Funès comedies marathon so I didn’t sleep whole night. I assumed they would just reschedule but then they phoned me at 8 am if I can come because they made mistake.
So at first talk I was just interviewed by some manager I knowed after 5 minutes he would be shitty as fuck and demand stupid things in no time because he is not technical. He was trying to explain me that they got so great people and they do everything so fast.
From my experience speed and programming are not the things that match. ( for reference of my thought see three virtues of a GREAT programmer )
So I just pissed them off by asking what they would do with me when I finish this transformation thingy next year. ( Probably get rid off and fire at some point were my thoughts )
Then I got this technical interview on newest gold color MacBook pro - pair programming ( they were showing off how much money they have all the time ).
The person asked me to transform json and get some data in javascript .
Really that was the thing and I was so bored and tired that I just asked in what ES standard I can code.
The problem was despite he told me I can do anything and they are using newest standards ( yeah right ) the “for of” loop didn’t worked and he even didn’t know that syntax existed. So I explained him it’s the newest syntax pointing mozilla page and that he need to adjust his configuration. Because we didn’t have time for that I just did it using var an function by writing bunch of code.
When he was asking me if I want to write some tests probably because my code looked ugly as fuck ( I didn’t sleep for more then 24 hours at that point and wanted to live the building as fast as I can) I told I finished and there is no time for tests because it’s so simple and dumb task. The code worked.
After showing me how awesome their office is ( yeah please I work from home so I don’t care ) I got into the talk with VP of engineering and he was the only person who asked me where is my CV because he didn’t know what to talk about. I just laughed at him and told him that I got here just by talking how awesome I am so we can talk about whatever he wants.
After quick talk about 4 different problems where I introduced 4 different languages and bunch of libraries just because I can and I worked with those he was mine.
He told me about this awesome stack they’re building with kubernetes and micro services and the shitty future where they want to put IOT into peoples ass to sell them insurance and suddenly I got awake and started to want that job but behind that all awesomeness there was just .NET bridge with stack of mainframes running COBOL that they want to get rid off and move company to the cloud.
They needed mostly people who would dump code to different technology stack and get rid of old stack ( and probably those old people ) and I was bored again because I work more in r&d field where you sometimes need to think about something that don’t exist and be creative.
I asked him why it would take so much time so he explained me how they would do the transformation by consolidating bunch of companies and how much money they would make by probably firing people that don’t know about it to this day.
I didn’t met any person working permanently there but only consultants from corporations and people hired in some 3rd party company created by this mother company.
They didn’t responded with any decision after me wasting so much time and they asked me for interview for another position year after.
I just explained HR person how they treat people and I don’t want to work there for any money.
If You reached this point it is the end and if it was entertaining thank YOU I did my best.
Have a nice day.5 -
My morning is starting off with a 40,000 line code review of a php project....yeah how's your morning going??!??!!??9
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My uncle, who was a Windows use all of his life, decided to switch to Linux. He is a Java developer btw.
He got so tired of Windows 10 pop ups, updates, anti viruses, etc etc that he made his main machine Mint OS.
He tells me that the experience is so much better with Mint that with Windows. Never before have I been so proud of my uncle.7 -
Late night coding and my last git message is "changed a shit load of stuff...don't worry I got this"
Good thing this a personal project haha1 -
Suddenly it hits me.
It’s 01:20 here but i get it.
It’s ALL a budget thing.
No dedicated tester means less expenses.
No personal parkspot?
No expenses!
And no good staging or testing environment? Less expenses!
Meanwhile every developer can setup, work on, and maintain about 20 websites on their shitty local Windows machine, that doesn’t even have a proper SSD installed, and we are setting impossible deadlines to figure out who will sink and who will swim.
Ow, here is a SSD.. Figure out the installation yourself because we have no IT knowledge or budget for people that do.
You want a challenge? How about 40 other people that are distracting you all day long.
Meanwhile everybody has to improve their skills in js, react, html5, ccs3, angular, .net and razor so money can made faster.
It would be nice if you could build apps as well.
You had a question? Sorry, no time. Expect some feedback 14 days later.
You finished the site?
Great!
But here are 101 bugs to solve before next week.
All hail their crazy company!2 -
twitter: good job, let's promote your profile, but you have to pay us.
devrant: awesome job being involved, here some stickers!
found a much better community3 -
You know the code is in bad shape when you see variables starting with "get":
Integer getDataBlockSize;5 -
Just saw an upwork offer.
The client wants the dev to put all pages into one page.
"That sounds easy" I thought.
But it turns out that the total amount of pages to put into a single page is 904625697166532776746648320380374280100293470930272690489102837043110636675.
HOLY CRAP! EVEN IF I PUT THAT MASSIVE BLOCK INTO A SINGLE PAGE, YOU WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO OPEN IT! THERE IS NO SUCH POWERFUL MACHINE OR EVEN A SOFTWARE THAT CAN MANAGE TO OPEN IT!
14 -
Once worked for a guy who lectured me in front of the whole office because I didn't continued work at home after I stayed 3h unpaid overtime at the office.
I quit soon after that.3 -
So, the other day a friend of mine called me. It's been years that I haven't talked to this girl. She says "can you do me a favour?". I asked "what?". To which she replies "My Facebook account has been hacked. Can you do something and destroy the guys pc? Don't let him create any other account or even let him use the internet. Ban him from the internet or do something.
And I was like
7 -
Client : I have a scraping project for you...
Me : Yeah tell me which site you want me to scrape and what data from it?
Client : I want you to scrape data from 500 sites
Me : 500 sites...are you serious?
Client : Yeah 500 sites...can you do the job?
Me : ok...for 500 sites...the charge will be $500...
Client : Are you out of your mind? $500 for just 500 sites...I can only give you $5021 -
This one crazy:
We made an app for our client to scan some parcels via barcode.
They just created a ticket, for complaining that it's hard to scan in the storage room, because it's so dark. They are like sometimes we need to use a torge to scan. Can you increase the contrast of the app or something to scan better in darker place.
Did not know what to answer, but my thoughts were like: why the fuck you don't put enough light in that room?! 🤔🤷🏽♂️8 -
That moment when you shout "i'm a fucking genius" too loud when you find out the solution after 2 hours of brain fuck, and your colleagues think you're crazy2
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Hey guys I just installed Arch Linux and a desktop environment, I don't know what to do with my life now...10
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I have to confess i havent updated my system for 2 hours. I know what a terrible person im right ?16
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Just tried physically removing the RAM of my PC while playing a YouTube video on Linux and on Windows. What do you think, what was the difference?25
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Crazy code.
You know when you come across some code, where you think: “I kinda see what you were going for, but it’s still hella dumb though...” right?
Currently doing some work on an F# backend, and the dev clearly knew enough of the language, but their code makes me question a lot.
The problem is simple: use a third party tool to generate images of each page in a pdf.
Said tool supports:
1. Querying the number of pages
2. Getting all pages as separate images in a single invocation
Can you guess how the dev solved it?
They’ve recursively incremented a page number, called the external tool to grab the image of that page.
“But how does it know when it’s run out of pages?” I hear you ask.
Simple. Catch the inevitable exception, and check against a hardcoded string literal to see whether it says “must be before the end of the document”.
I shit you not.
I nearly had an actual seizure when I was debugging some semi-related code and ended up in this wonderland of fuckery.
The recursion and pattern matching was flawless though, yet the tool’s website clearly states the supported functionality.
The whole thing feels like they tried to do it the right way, but couldn’t be bothered / couldn’t get it right, so they ended up creating this insane bit of madness.5 -
Help?
I work in support and some of the developers here don't seem to realize that their customers can't use the app they wrote because of all the bugs, but they freak out if anyone so much as *thinks* there's a problem with the code.
We have evidence it's their code. How do I get them to see I'm not saying their code sucks, just that a few changes might help performance?
I don't want to insult them, but at the same time, they're only responsible for one application...15 -
I have a feeling that a senior dev left a bug on purpose to see if I would catch. Anyone else have that feeling or am I just paranoid?6
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boss: wish there was a way to go back to older versions..
me: there is, it's called git, I can show you how to use it!
boss: nah we will just keep using the sync on Dreamweaver
me:....the fuck?!2 -
I have done crazy stuff before but this time im going to take it to another level.
I compiled custom ROM on PC, Server, tablet, Rpi.
But this time lets take it to another level. Lets compile Android on Android.
Ouuuu yeahhh3 -
When your hardware friend keeps referring to Javascript as Java...WTF I figured you would know the difference!!!!!#/###!!!#2
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You know what devRant is missing... Flags! Something like a national flag on the background, sticker on the notebook or some item on the desk. Just a thought7
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one of my friend has a golden finger👈, he could break your system with one touch, once he borrowed my laptop to update fb status, I saw him literally hit the enter key once, the pc got a blue screen and then rebooted with error, I have to reinstall OS to fix it. I asked around, he did this trick many times😱😱. I guess he could get some profit from this gift😂😂😂3
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-Client: I have a problem.My pc says I need a snake to run this program.
-IT guy: Please sir,tell exactly what it says.
-Client: You need Python to run this program.
-IT guy: *hits his head on the keyboard2 -
Crazy weather in here. There is a little sandstorm. It's pretty windy, even the outdoor advertisement letters are moving and the sky is brown :v
The thing is that, in order to go back home, I must walk 4 or 5 blocks (from the place one of my co-workers can leave me), but with this wind I'm afraid of getting sand in my eyes (I don't have glasses). Another option is to take an Uber to my house, but it takes too long to arrive to the office.
What can I do? Do I take the Uber or do I run to my house?7 -
spotted a huge bug 2 days before launch. My boss was panicking and he asked. "how long more you need?!" I look at him and almost said "Don't rush art" then I swallow my saliva and said "give me 2 hours" he said ok hurry up.
yea 2 hours after i find out what went wrong2 -
try philosophy()
catch markAsSpam()
Do you ever think of organizations as people? People personify Google and stuff all the time, but I mean something deeper.
When I look at devRant threads, I feel like we're all part of a collective consciousness, growing and thinking and making decisions. Society is a living thing of its own, in the same way that living cells unknowingly make up an individual body. When a question is asked from one node, another node answers, and the result is a repository of questions, answers, opinions, and jokes on an app that might appear as the scrolling thoughts of a singular mind rife with pure, aggressively structured information.12 -
OMFG!! My computer rebooted.. after VS is again performing voodoo stuff on my code..can you please fucking stop reformatting everything!? OMG it's driving me crazy, I've already disabled every format option I could find.. you piss me off one more time, I'm switching to np++!!!!6
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Long time no rant from me. Sorry guys, has been a tough time for me.
Little background: I'm an apprentice and as such definitely not a fully trained professional. I'm working in a big company with people who have very let's say interesting ideas what I should be able to do.
This whole disaster begins shortly after I started my apprenticeship. I was offered to choose my first little project. "Something from the backlog, not very challenging and a nice beginner one. It's just about a PoC" ok, le me thinks. I choose to make a weather display.
Basic functionality was provided within the next 3 weeks. My direct boss (let's call him Jo) liked it and talked to his boss (Hugo) about it. Hugo was so excited he called our product manager to get my plugin into our software asap and began to think about where else we could use this.
This is where shit went downhill. Hugo told me it was my task to implement it on a totally different platform and to "host it in azure". I don't know much about azure and I never used it. I told him that I'd need time and some kind of sandbox to try and learn how things work. He promised but nothing ever came through. Not even Jo could do something about this.
They told me I should write this asap because "every customer would LOOOOVE this" and I honestly can't think of a way to meet all their requirements without access to our azure system/ sandbox. (There are a lot of requirements)
Am I wrong? Should I be able to do this? I'm a fucking trainee. I don't know everything.9 -
I have done it. I have fucking done it. I created code thats elegant and bug free.
I have done the impossible. Now i broke the universe.
But since this is a school project i cannot share the code. Im so sorry i want to but i cant. But once its presented to school and the other crap i will open-source it.9 -
Fucking hell.
Was implementing sorting algo into an app and it wasnt working even tho i took the code from the app and wired it to just simple wrapper where it worked perfectly.
This was really weird and fucked up.
After 5 hours and 30 times breaking the app just to test it i tried to launch it in Android VM.
And what a fucking suprise it worked.
Wait what ?
Ho .. How ?
Well it seems that my phone had SEpolicy fucked up which im happy that i found out about and it forced closed the app all the time because it was doing something not allowed so i disabled SElinux and it still doesnt work.
Now i was really confused so i took look at permissions and oh god i forgot to give it access to storage.
*/Turns on SElinux and gives it access to storage/*
Boom it works.
At this point i spent 10 hours debugging this piece of shit just to get the algo to work with the app and that isnt the best part.
I was doing this app for my dad since he wanted up for his job schedule and all the apps didnt met the requirement.
Then he walks up to me after i fixed it and says that he doesnt need it anymore since he found one app and did all the stuff and even more.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh FFFFFFFFFFS (For fuck fuck fuck....... sake)4 -
Stupid ass nimble fucker of an old friend talks to me for a whole week after a reunion saying stuff like "I'm glad we got to spent time together bro and stuff", the soul eater of poop being sets up a conversation over a week talking like he was a true friend. He only had to manage it for a week more, hell he had to resist his urge for a puny ass week and I would've considered that maybe good people existed. Well the universe along with this Pseudo-panty fuck decided it was time, they pitch me an "idea". Well after demonstrating kindly that I could technically pull (n) such ideas from my virtual butthole. The guy finally believes his idea was stupid and moves away. A minute later. SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER! he says, telling me that he got an amazing idea along and if I could help him with some stuff. Well.. What? I jumped at this amazing opportunity. Not because of the dangling-dickina of an idea, because this was my way out of this misery fucks life. Alright should buy me some time right? He would go watch some tutorials, make a logo and call me when there's a problem. We'll in the milli fucking time that even a big bang couldn't have recurred, the bitch calls and says.. Bro, sorry for disturbing you, I need some help... [What did your mother from another son tell you she only gave birth to half of you?]
APPARENTLY, THE GUY JOINED FORCES WITH SOME INTELLIGENT MINDS AND SETUP A LEAGUE OF LIKE MINDED NECROPHILES AND I COULD HELP THIS DREAM TEAM with a name and a logo.
It started, I could sense it. I wasn't THE CHOSEN ONE. Tired, I said I'll see what I can do while attempting to block his number. A few hours later, he calls from another number with no shame and asks BRO? DID YOU. Did me what you bloody dick lubricator. Yeah I watched your mom a couple times, then I got bored when I found out it was an ad.
Unfortunately no I did not tell that, instead I used the kindest words I could pull out of my frustrated ass to tell him I won't do it cause I have better things to do.
The guy comes back a few hours later with an emotional back-story of how this is his way out of his sad ass life and saying stuff like sorry to disturb you bro, I never meant to.
Oh my gawd! Give this douche manufacturer an Oscar. Actually give him two!!
————
After this traumatic experience I often feel for such people. They have around 90 years to live. They have a free fucking brain. They have money. They have less problems.
Why can't they come up with a worthy idea with all these factors to compound the ideation process.
And why on the earth can't they make the Idea on their own. I'm completely self taught so I don't see it being a problem. I could well say that I'm more knowledgeable than a few grads out of my stupid college but I don't wanna compare myself to those stupid beings.
If you have an idea? Make it. Die for it. But never approach another being, either he eats you or you eat him.4 -
When i started my work I encoubtered this db(one of 4): more than 20 tables, some with 200 columns literally... EVERYTHING is a varchar 😓.
I'm slowly designing some normalized tables with real fk on new features and projects and people are like: how the fuck did you implement this feature so fast? the other guy spent 3 months designing this form (and I'm just speechless):
The form was some sort of crazyness shit passing input names as "name-of-property" and a file only to check if(name="string") then store a number value to an array and save it as a "number" (actually varchar) on the db. literally more than 50 if statements to do this.
Everything on a single table that made no sense at all.
Just wtf... At least my boss let me start if from scratch cause he we were always having panick attacks every time he needed to do something with it. 😂😂6 -
A year ago I posted on here about me going to an interview for my first co-op position.
It's been a year now, and I was hired full time as an associate software engineer a few months ago, while still going to school. I'd say that interview a year ago worked out for me.2 -
when I got hired my boss wrote a cms in php that's 50,000 + lines of php code, without a single line of documentation. Yeah can you tell how my first few weeks went?1
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So I own a small business that is a licensee of about a few hundred other ones. I wanted a mail list from the corporate office and they wanted to charge me. (we already pay them hundreds if not thousands a month) So I wrote a python script to scrape their website and get the info for free. I love programming!3
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I enjoy coding Android, but what the hell did Google smoke when creating the "Spinner" component?!6
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Fine don't take my suggestion during refactoring old code. Keep the python code over 100 lines of code...we could have cut it in half, but whatever
-
Had someone call saying "they are going to help me with protecting against the hackers". I played around for awhile until he asked what operating system I had. When I said linux the gig was up. He knew I was messing with him....2
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I seriously thought I was losing my mind this morning.
Loaded up my IDE and got to work.
Needed to find something in the project, so I hit the keyboard shortcut to find all usages in the project path.
The dialog pops up, but my selection is replaced with a long hex string. I thought it was weird, but I just installed the latest update of my IDE so I thought I'd found a regression. I grabbed the hex string and went over to Google to see if anything useful popped up.
The first result is the reddit post for my keybase key.
Wait. The "random" hex string was the fingerprint for my keybase public key? I double-checked to make sure that keybase wasn't running and I didn't have anything weird hanging out on my clipboard. Nothing amiss, but I still got my key whenever I searched for something.
This is the point where my brain got a little melty. I started running weird conspiracy theories in my head. My ever-helpful coworkers could only suggest to "stop using a Mac".
I saw that the app menu got highlighted when I opened the dialog, so I opened the menu and looked at the Services. Lo and behold, the GPG Suite update I installed recently very "helpfully" added a global shortcut to "Insert My Fingerprint" with the same keyboard shortcut as the IDE action.2 -
Boss: hey can you loop through all the entries in the data base (PHP) to make a menu of everything?
Me: me sure thing, shouldn't be a problem
10 min in playing with the database...and I remove the table...FUCK ME?!!??!!!
good thing we backed up the night before 😂😂1 -
Let's see if my cover really stores heat...
I'm Melting in the shade :( can't work like this.
My nephew and I tryed my convencional milling machine, written half his name. I still got it
Funny thing, I'm noticing now... All the man from my direct family are crazy.
I was helping the mechanic yesterday, telling my adventures and he was always, lik he said father like sun.. The inventors...
Today I finally got my brother for an hour.. He is even crazyer then me, told me just a few of his diys and I'm like... Wow
8 -
A few days ago I read an article about an IT company in germany winning in court. They sueed the government for charging them taxes for offering breakfast to their employees. They won because the jury said coffee and dry buns is not a breakfast.
So, my question is is there some guy from called company here on devrant? 🙂5 -
Here's how it usually goes:
1) I estimate the different aspects of the assignment to the best of my abillities, based on customer criteria and information. I come up with an realistic estimate for development and testing.
2) My PM runs the numbers through an algorithm. It adds time for other stuff, but its all still very fair and in tune.
Now to the fucked up part.
3) My ceo and cto looks at the estimate, and he will just turn on every possible button and twist the estimate into what he thinks he can get the customer to pay🤢🤮
This ends in the customer saying - no thank you.
He comes back to us and does not understand why they declined.
Idiot! -
had a crazy idea about replicating devRant for other industries, realized twitter was started in 2006 😂2
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Today looking at code thinking to myself "I thought I fixed that code...shit that was in my dream!"
Why me?! -
Well it's been a while I suppose. Sorry I haven't been around for over a month guys. That's what happens when you're a full-time student with a full-time job.
Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, I need some advice/help. I've been working on a senior thesis project that I'm trying to deploy but I'm going crazy trying to figure out how to do it. It's a Spring Boot Java application built as a micro service. I've tried for the past 5 days to get this sucker working on Cloud Foundry with no luck. I've got a deadline to get this fucking thing live in 2 weeks and I'm getting closer to being in a panic. My question basically is, would it be easier to learn a different service/build my own solution from scratch then trying to fuck around with this? I'd appreciate anyone's advice who's had more experience with deploying Java web applications.
Here's a link to the project if anyone's interested: https://github.com/starrynights89/...
21 -
That moment, when you meet someone who haven't written even a simple if-else statement in their life and want to work on Deep Learning algorithms using TensorFlow. World is filled with so many ML crazy peoe.2
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When you change one line of your source code and all of the rest of code don't work any more. Fucking Shit!2
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This is a real history..
So i went to my friend’s party.. and he invited this hot girl.. (u know the girl that would never talk to any programmer)..
so she started asking me about programming, maths, software...
and I was like wtf.. is this real? (because u guys know that this is impossible jaja)
Actually, we spent all night talking about it..
for some reason she started hanging out with me and my friend..
now we are dating.. kind of crazy uh?
(she is an engineer btw)4 -
Who needs Mr. Robot or all that hacker shows, if reality is just as crazy:
https://krebsonsecurity.com/2017/...6 -
Writing a small scale Ecommerce site for a friend. He keeps asking why I am writing tests for it all the time...some of us have standards3
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Last week I received an invitation to lead the development of a e-commerce redesign, replatforming and data migration. I was excited to work on it, and started the analysis and planning, glad to spend time focusing on quality. But Murphy's law is never asleep - this Monday, I was asked to speed things up and reduce a 4 month project to 1 week.
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When I was younger my mom would tell me to clean the soda cans off my desk. Now my wife tells me to clean the beer cans off my desk. It nice to have a beer when late night programming :)
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So Earth just completed another revolution around the Sun and people going craaaazy all over the internet. Like calm down bruh :v3
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Oh fuck you HWcomposer. Fuck you. So in android 9 google switched to hwcomposer 2 and deleted hwcomposer 1 support.
But created some piece of shit called hwc2on1.
So you enable it and you can use hwcomposer 1.4 in android 9.
Ok cool or it would be if you told me which fucking functions are needed. Then found the documentation by some android dev. Ok implemented those functions and tried it. Black fucking screen.
Switched to android 8 to see if its issue with android 9.
Nope black screen.
And 3 fucking days later i found out that the page didnt include one other function that was marked as optional. Ok.
Implemented it and for fucking hell we have display working.
Who fucking hurt you when you mark function thats needed or you will get black screen as optional ? Why the fuck would you do so ????????????
God fucking dammit i spent 3 fucking days on this shit just because you marked it as optional. Fuck you !!!! -
"What language should I learn?" Wellll.
[0]
43 PERCENT Of banking systems are built on COBOL
80 PERCENT Of in-person transactions use COBOL
95 PERCENT Of ATM swipes rely on COBOL code
220 BILLION Lines of COBOL in use today
"Experienced COBOL programmers can earn more than $100 an hour when they get called in to patch up glitches, rewrite coding manuals or make new systems work with old." [1]
Found this pretty interesting/crazy.
Source:
[0] http://tmsnrt.rs/2nMf18G
[1] http://reuters.com/article/...7 -
Last Friday night instead of partying, or seeing a movie I stayed home to clean up some code for a potential job interview. Good times! :D3
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The moment of truth on wanting to be a programmer or not... Is when you learn about pointers in c language.2
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While everyone is going crazy over Eclipse today, please remember there are other IDEs also.
#EclipseToday1 -
Whenever I see someone swear, for example, 'fucking managers'. I think of fucking as a verb.
Which makes it 'managers that are fucking'. Pretty entertaining when you're bored or having a bad day. 😅2 -
The team in our office was forced to have, and I'm not kidding, TWO hours long agile meetings EVERY day. That's right, only 6 hours a day for work. Crazy managers
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Hmm... Okay crazy deadlines. We hacked together a really makeshift application to handle streaming content to end users. The proof of concept was demonstrated to a partner company on a Wednesday. They said they wanted it on Saturday. Our CTO agreed. We didn't sleep.2
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Today I watched "the birth and death of js":
https://destroyallsoftware.com/talk...
Here Gary Bernhardt talks about compiling executables to asm.js and about running the compiled files using a js interpreter that can be included in the kernel.
Eventually, some responsibility can be moved from the kernel to this interpreter, responsibility like virtual memory and trap management.
This speech aims to be fun, so not everything should be taken seriously...
but...
but...
(Forgive me)
...this trick seems to be a nice idea, and projects like Node OS work likewise.
So now, would you even consider this? Or is it just something that will be nothing more than craziness of a mad man?1 -
So I just woke up and started my PC, just to see this, guess Chrome didn't have it's coffee yet...
3 -
Yet another ticket comes in about a feature not working after we push another update. So in my meeting I bring up adding testing would reduce this. Yeah boss just wants me to fix this issue and just do manual tests....fml1
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Wow Angular2 you are beautiful.
I loved you early on angular 1.x but by the end we drifted apart driven by our diffrent needs. I needed a manageable code base and more excitement you needed to stay the way you are. I respect you for that, but we are not right for each other anymore.
I have been hurt Angular2 i may not fully heal but you provide me with what I need. Developing on you is a pleasure that feels like a full object orientated experience. Most of all developing on you is *fast* your seperation of concerns tickles me in all the right ways. The suger you provide with your decorators, classes, abstract classes and interfaces makes me weak at the knees.
Keep growing and improving Angular 2. I think we shall have many projects together.3 -
Update to this rant: https://www.devrant.io/rants/210575
Now, roughly one week before the revised delivery date, they realize that we won't be able to finish the workload on time and they are thinking about moving the due date...
by two weeks 😒
2 -
the current ERP software i test has a function that, when you dont have the USB dongle plugged in, it will annoy the workflow with a popup where you have to solve simple math stuff. (Like 2041+949). I am kinda inclined to write a small programm that insta solves those pop ups.
I must note, this is a weird way of licence management.1 -
Coolest bugs: anything involving SignalR hubs. what a crazy, upside down world asynchronous web sockets are.4
-
And this happened today:
While on ssh session, this guy restarted network manager. According to him "his Facebook page wasn't showing him recent feeds". -
If I have to write that web component again just because “well I think this technology will be better” I’m going freak out...
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I wanted to make some extra cash so I decided to do some freelancing. Gotta do it in style though haha
4 -
I'm so f*cking tired to have a lot of work rejected just because "I don't like it", because "today I like this thing, but tomorrow maybe"...
1. You are NOT even a designer
2. You have NOT a f*cking plan on what we are going to do in the next weeks
3. You are crazy AF because you pretend to have always what you ask without any kind of explanation, changes included..
YOU ARE NOT A LEADER.
YOU ARE JUST A bOSS.4 -
Early on in my freelancing career I learned something important. Even with seemingly tame nerdy stuff, sh*t can get real, real quick. This story describes the very start of my career in web development and hopefully will serve as a warning to newbies out there.
A young teen, I had just learned some basics of wordpress, I was confident I could hack together something that worked and looked okay with minimal effort and knowledge. One day I was approached by a guy who wanted a job board board site. Knowing there were already clones out there I figured this would be an easy gig, man was I wrong.
In addition to the fact I didn't know about contracts or the scope creep from hell, I had somehow gotten myself involved with a criminal business front.
These guys operated a scam business to rip off investors. Me and my designer buddy were used to make the business look legit. What they would do is hold job fairs where people are supposed to pay to rent a booth, but instead they would give everyone a booth for free and then lie about what all businesses were coming. They would then show this info, along with the website and marketing materials to investors. They would take the money from the investors and launder it for drugs.
The real story starts the day of one of the worst hangovers I had ever had. I was at a random friends house sleeping for most of the day.
Apparently one of the guys who was operating the scam business was about to strike a deal with one of the investors when something on the website didn't work (it was working as designed). This guy, Manny we'll call him, had been blowing up my phone all morning. I check my voicemails and there are threats on my life; saying I will be sleeping with the fishes, or if they ever find me, they'll fuck me up. Needless to say this really freaked me out, either way I decided to head back to my dorm.
When I come back home, my designer buddy tells me that some guys were in the house looking for stuff. Apparently this guy hired two nerds to "break into my computer and steal the website", fortunately they didn't know what they were doing.
After a while I got another call, Manny wanted to sit down and "talk things out". Being naive I accepted and we met up. The two nerds were there with one of his body guards. He said he wanted to have those two nerds take over the project. While this was going on, his bodyguard flashed his gun at me several times making eye contact. I agreed to, but I still wanted to get paid. I asked about getting paid and he said we never signed a contract and that he owned the host and domain. I was pretty much screwed.
This is where the story should end, but I wasn't a very smart guy back then. I gave up the site but I created a back door into it. Every week or so, they would get "hacked". Because the two nerds didn't know what to do, they ended up coming back to me for help. This is when I finally got paid. Totally not worth it. -
When I'm on lunch I stop coding to watch other people code on youtube. Does anyone else have this problem?1
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Sometimes I start to write codes and I even don't know how it's going to be end.
I just hope I find it along the way. 🙃2 -
Maybe I'm not cut out to program. I have yet to write an entire program start to finish outside of tut sites and still have little idea as to what I'm doing.11
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Ugh. Sending data to a 3rd Party API and for a small subsection of these requests getting error response "A system error occurred". PM: "Who's fault is it? Ours or them?" ... Agh come on, fault is something you can make up, they can make up and entirely irrelevant and unhelpful to anybody. Client: "Why is broken, ideally it would never fail" ... everyone is in goo goo gaa gaa land
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Python list and dictionary comprehension is some crazy awesome black magic. More languages should have these.5
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Is there a page somewhere to slutshame the employers and their job postings, I'm scrolling now trough job ads just for kicks and I swear to God some employers should be banned from even asking for employees.3
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The other day the "big boss" came to us asking for a feature.
During he speaking to a colleague I saw this guy whitening in the face.
So after some time I asked him what happens..
"He just told me to deallocate some memory (to achieve this, and do that..)"
...
We are writing in Python. -
Pushed out a big update that included restructuring every directory. No one had access to the admin section. Yeah needless to say my boss was not happy since no one could do any work. Turned out during the process I made every admin page need the highest level of authorization which only the owner has. Easy fix but stressful day for sure
-
Just came across a job posting on Linkedin, which basically expects the applicant to be a sysadmin, front end and back end developer at the same time.
Almost contacted the job poster just to send a WTF.3 -
I have had it with this motherflipping NullPointerExceptions, on my motherflipping method. Catch you tomorrow Exception, you will not have the better of my sanity today.
-
That moment when you realize you've basically been having a protracted anxiety attack for two months. Should uh...build character or something, right?
-
I just got Jenkins all setup locally, setup the first pipeline, get docker working with it, setup the build step, setup the test step and more.
In under an hour.
Not too bad for the first attempt.
The hardest part was figuring out the GitHub credentials.
———
Actually, the hardest part was keeping an eye on the dude in the booth next to me who has delusions of grandeur and likely other mental illnesses.
Had to keep an eye on him while he was pointing around the room (usually at me) and saying shit like...
“Ugly, ugly, all of you are fucking ugly”
“Fuck you, fuck you too!”
I’m sitting over here thinking...
“Bud, you got 3 teeth, you smell like shit and your rambling to yourself... fuck you you ugly piece of dog shit! Let me do my work I peace.”4 -
Received this scam email, but honestly how long that email! those people are crazy mother fuckers.
1 -
Got a BPOS company commission a website. WordPress of all things.
But that's fine.
The client sends us a PSD to refer to. Buys a theme to modify and gives us a time frame.
Stupid client. Their design doesn't even line up with the theme.
We are getting paid peanuts for this.
Font sizes not specified.
Colours not specified.
No content
Responsive design expected but not designed
Behavior not explained
Custom footer expected that took a week to code from scratch.
Custom accordion section coded from scratch
We decided that the 15 of April would be the last date. It's the 27th and I'm still fixing shit.
We didn't get paid enough for this.
The QC for the site was done on the 24th!
I'm still working on it, for free.
The liason on the client side goes to Australia for vacation and the content is not being put on the site. They ask for content work too.
I'm just about to go postal. -
When a designer walks into your office and asks you to turn on a feature that is not ready for production...1
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Testing out server settings to host rails application. Setup is a bitch compared to PHP but the work flow is amazing :D1
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You know your day isn't going to end well when Google searches for the topic your implementing only return research gate links
-
16 files (!) to create a rest endpoint that does nothing (returns an empty wrapper message).
WTF spryker? are you fucking kidding me?
5 -
That moment when a peer who is pretty tough on you during code reviews is super easy on others 😒. Just annoying7
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Hotel Suite with free Wlan! Free yes.. but wtf.. 256kb... Maybe they still use dialup with AOL free CD's ?? We will never know...2
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When was the last time you fix a difficult bug and you make a crazy lunar laugh that makes you lost control of your saliva?
~ I can tell, you code fiercely.3 -
Want to see hair falling of a developer's head?
Just watch him trying to get some millions of fast and good random numbers.7 -
I have been seeing double info and shitty margin on my Facebook feed...someone is going to get fired lol
-
Well, this eleventh hour, during-the-holidays change to buggy code to make it do something it's not designed to do is going like just about every other project like it has ever gone. Still not done. None of the programmer talent is available to work on it because it's at a time when everyone is traveling. And the third-party data provider is unreachable.
-
So another rant inspired me.
Tell me one fact or detail about your favorite programming language, other devs not using it, might not know about.
I go with: In Delphi you don't have garbage collection, unless you use interfaces the right way.6 -
Hey, glad you are here (10 am), you know that we got new prototypes with those various changes? We need to send one to CEO in hour and half, he wants to show off at some event, can you make it?
Well that's the way to start a day... -
I will be enjoying the greatest freedom on the day when all the sites with lots of adds and very low or little information will be wiped.1
-
I think I'll regret choosing Computer Vision with machine learning for my final project ...
Well ! Just need to find a practical application responding to customer needs and start working !2 -
I've been spending the last few days reorganizing css, js files, removing old code and rename directories. Yep its that kind of week at work...
-
Does anyone use split keyboards when working? I’m thinking of picking one up and want input from people who use them? Pro, cons??6
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Almost stuck with manual state management for JS. Dealing server side rendering manually. [almost crazy]
-
Friday before 3 day weekend and everyone in the office is gone but me, because you know if the checklist for the website isn't done everyone will know...
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I get tired of people complaining about rails "magic" it's annoying. Ok we get it, you have never taken the time to understand it's naming conversation or looked under the hood.
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New one for me. I got an email out of the blue from someone asking me if I was interested in their open position. Sorry bro I’m diggin my job and not looking to change 😎
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Anyone with experience with system 76? Need a new laptop soon and I am intrigued with their stuff. Used Linux for some time so not worried that, more about build quality etc.11
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the servers are down and I'm the only one working in the office because I have a lot to do that doesn't require pushing to production for some time...fml
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Client picks Wordpress, and theme instead of a custom built site because it's cheap. I'm fine with that since it will be easy...then criticize the look two weeks later and tells me no offense 😂😂😂😂😂2
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Am I the only dev who works almost always for one boss as a Client but it seems to work with a 1000 different ones? So tired of continously change routes on my projects...
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Do you know when you're testing your code and anything works as it should, even when everything looks all right? I dunno how about you, but... everytime this happens, I just change var/function name to something like "fuckingCalculate()" or "suckerAvg". It's similar as punching an old TV everytime it stops, or kicking a door that doesn't open.
.
.
Once I change the var/function to It's previous name, everything stops working as before.
.
What a shame... -
I know my development skills are getting better because I am having more people pitch me ideas....to many ideas...1
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So I created simple blog for family member. She only writes three posts within a six month time frame, and then this morning she sends me an email asking for some changes. In it says if it's to time consuming that she can create a blogspot...
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Bluemix: Hi, here have 1 instance of your app running, with 128M memory and 1024M disk. Btw, we are gonna take a hell lot a time to get your code up and running, and we love living at the 500.
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Don't you think you could code an AI assistant if you have a powerful server & intelligent people to teach it with conditioning data? I do..am I crazy?2
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Anybody else struggeling with the amount of work? Either it's crazy busy or crazy silent. What do you do in each case?2
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Same lol