90s - We will use AI to cure cancer in the future..
2017 -

Someone on the IP 127.0.0.1 has been creating a lot of bugs in my code, please beware of you notice any connections from that address.

Prototype devRant rubber duck. Depending on my craft skills, might have a variety of dev themed capes too

Why do most C++ developers stop after one child?

Because multiple inheritance is a headache.

Me: I'm unable to connect through VPN

IT guy at my office: I'll format your system and reinstall OS

Me: heck no!! There should be other effective solution.

IT guy: Yes, I can take backup of your files and then reinstall OS.

Me: Just get out!! F*ckin ididot!!

HR - There is a 2 years gap on your CV!
Candidate- I was in Yale.

HR - Oh wow that's great! You're hired!

Candidate - Yay! I got a yob!

Who needs a firewall when you have a kitten

"Don't use git, it is too complicated and we don't have time for this."

2 days later the same person made changes directly on the FTP which I later unknowingly overwrote.
Take that you imbecile!

This bank's slogan is just absolutely hilarious for any dev.

on the first day, He said, "Let there be C." and there was C. on the second day, he added some more so there became C++

Collegue *yells through the office*:
Hey IT-guy the file is not there, where is it ?

Me: what file is not where ?

Collegue: you know that file i've been searching for 30 mins now on the Google drive.

Me: Have you tried hitting the name into the search bar ?

Collegue: Sure dude, I'm not stupid.

Me -> *one the way to her desk*
Collegue: OH! never mind I found it with the search bar. I swear it hasn't been there before!

*turning around, going back to my desk*
-fml

I like my humour how I like my UI.

DARK.

Two unit tests, no integration tests.

Things that should be free in the office :
- Water
- Kleenex
- Coffee

Just found an admin portal online. There was a modal asking for password, but in background the portal was visible. ctrl + shift + i and then closed the modal.

Voila, the whole portal and actions are accessible. Seriously, who develops things like these?

I am pretty sure it's vulnerable to sqli and xss too.

If Programming Languages Were Girls:

Java: Your current girlfriend, you've been going steady for a while now. Things are okay.

Kotlin: The girl Java finds you cheating on, she's just amazing, and you wish you'd met her sooner.

Visual Basic: The girl you accidentally started a relationship with because you didn't know how to say no. But quickly realised your mistake and regretted it.

JavaScript: A childhood friend you occasionally hook up with. But you could never settle for a relationship with them.

Python: A bossy, manipulative girl who quickly turned things sour. But everyone else loves her because of her huge libraries.
-----------------------------------------------------
My and a co worker were joking the other day about what programming languages would be like if they were girls. This is what we came up with (Original inspiration: the Distracted Boyfriend meme (Feel free to add your own!)).

RandomGuy: I can't seem to play some videos on my laptop. Can you help?

LinuxPro: You have to install Arch Linux to do that. Windows 10 sucks.

Getting paid for my work.

Just because I'm a student, people assume I'll do everything for free and "exposure", while they make money off of my code

Go home computer you're drunk

Your program isn't working. You just haven't found the test case to break it yet.

Thank God secondary phone number isn't required.

Google: Don't use a password from another site, or something too obvious like your pet's name.
Me: 5f4dcc3b5aa765d61d8327deb882cf99

Happens all the time 😤 😤 😤

Manager in 1-1: You tell people they are stupid too often.... Dial it back a bit

Me: They are.

We Should Thank The Inventor Of “Hardware"

Had a conversation with someone a little while ago. I opened my email app (TutaNota) and he asked what the hell that email thingy was. Explained the encrypted/privacy reasons.

"Why would you encrypt everything?"

Because I have stuff to hide. Do you?

"Nahh I just use outlook, I have nothing to hide".

Told him to email me all his usernames/passwords, bank statements, porn preferences, emails, messages etc etc.

"But that's private data!".

Exactly.

"But I thought you meant like crime/illegal stuffs etc"

Nope. I just asked if you had anything to hide, you interpreted that as having anything non-lawfully to hide. I never even asked anything in relation to non-lawful stuff.

Because, having something to hide doesn't mean it's criminal/illegal, it means you'd like to keep that stuff private.

Wow. I think I've got devrant fever.

I just browsed devrant. Closed devrant. Immediately saw devrant on my homescreen and thought, I need to check devrant. Then immediately after that I remember I just browsed devrant. *Sigh*.

"We are not a team big enough to need to do unit tests."

I had a recruiter contact me today, calling me Andrew in the process. Believe it or not my name isn't Andrew, and the email address they sent it to was me@MYFULLNAME.com, so they should be able to get my name right.

I responded to them pointing that out and advising they never contact me again. (In a somewhat sassy way).

In a well crafted apology I was informed that they had a great track record and that mistakes happen. Here's the email's subject line:

RE: Hi.. opportunity in New Haven, CT (Downtown- next to train station)- RUDE DO NOT CONTACT EVER AGAIN

I responded more kindly that I appreciated the apology but the subject line confirmed my position of "not interested."

This was followed up by them trying to "recall" the email, and resend it... Like I didn't notice the insult in the subject line of your apology...

Nicely done, nicely done.

Test coverage of 33% is sufficient.