Do all the things like ++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatarSign Up
Get a devDuck
Rubber duck debugging has never been so cute! Get your favorite coding language devDuckBuy Now
Search - "mic drop"
Had this conversation the other day:
Girl: So, what do you do?
Me: I'm a Software Developer.
Girl: So you write 1 and 0 all the day?
I actually work with C#3
all kinds of things:
2. Idiots working on WiFi firmware
3. Said idiots telling us that they found a compiler bug when a signed integer optimization screws their codes dependency on rollover. People like that shouldn’t be writing WiFi firmware.
5. Treating weapons of mass terror like machine learning like just a fun game to work on and then release open source
6. The fact that when assholes from all these companies like Facebook google and Amazon testify before Congress our political leaders are dumber than bricks when questioning them so they either a. Ask totally the wrong questions and people get off clean or b. When the witnesses do say something questionable is happening Congress doesn’t have the mental capacity to notice that something of concern was just said
7. despite the fact Linux has an easier to use UI than windows people bitch about how hard it is still
8. How defensive people are over their “own stuff.” “I like windows so if you say anything against it you’re insulting me” or “but I wrote this code you can’t refactor it that’s my mark!”
10. The fact that web assembly, though the superior technology, is going to become popular not because it’s fast but because it makes it harder to block ads and harder to read and analyze the code.
11. The fact that our obsession with web technologies has led to applications that are 10,000x less efficient than other alternatives, the carbon footprint of this is astonishing, and nobody cares. But they all want to save the environment. What?
12. The social disease of social media and how people have become addicted to a degree almost comparable to crack
13. People think being an influencer on Instagram is a real job.
14. People waste preposterous amounts of energy on crypto currency mining despite the fact that it doesn’t offer many real advantages over cold hard cash. It’s still trackable!!
15. Modern copyright law and how it’s been implemented in our web services that we use every day is insane; the music industry is a mafia and are using google as a club to beat us all down with. And google is fine with that.
16. All the music made today is fake and that’s done by leveraging all the “great” technology that (now defunct) digidesign avid and auto tune has brought to us
17. We design computers and software for the stupidest users that easily fall prey to all these things rather than the average person.
18. The Boeing 737 crashes are software related. That means some idiot fucked up and a bunch of people died. Need I say more?
The world will end some day and it will be because of software. You either accept that fact or live in denial.
Boss man: your code has issues , you should strive to have lesser bugs.
Me: GTA was made due to a bug in the their code.
*mic drop, leaves office, clapping heard in background*
NOW WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT EVERYWHERE BECAUSE PEOPLE WHO WROTE CODE FOR UX NOW THINK THEY KNOW WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN ON THE SERVERSIDE!!
GOD FUCKING DAMNIT I HATE THIS ANALTOY OF A LANGUAGE.
WELL FUCK YOU AND GO TO HELL, YOU ARE NOT A DEVELOPER IN MY EYES, GO HOME KIDDO, LEARN C OR ASM OR HOW A FUCKING COMPUTER ACTUALLY WORKS!!
Yesterday I stayed at home sick. Had a bad case of the EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA FROM HELL. Was feeling ok but could not walk away from me throne.
Went in today cuz the lead was not gonna be there and shit always breaks on Freyja's day as we all know.
1 and a half hours before we clock out and go home someone calls saying that students are trying to drop from classes at the last minute and our app ain't doing it.
I "fixed" the app last week and ran a small login test. It work so I thought it was fine. Stupid me for making unprofessional and retarded assumptions.
Manager freaks out. The entire school freaks out. Coworker lols cuz he ain't got to work on it. I start mind debugging the entire bitcheridoo.
45 minutes later...and I was able to successfully go through almost 15k lines of code of php/html/js code and fucking FIXED it with tests and all for real.
Went at it hard. Babe ass manager was like 0.0 and then (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Called head office and told them everything was undr control.
Dropped the phone like a mic. Mic drop.
Then I looked at manager and coworker and said "ya I fucked up, but I am still the king"
Both nodded in agreement.
Everyone got wet with my sheer awesome troubleshooting php master skills.
Got home thinking about how boss I am.
Fucking Texas af b. Can't touch this heat. The rangers still suck and so do the cowboys. The astros and the texans don't exist because there is only room for one. Go spurs.
Still have diarrhea.
New project in C++. I don't know C++ but very good at C and Java so not worried.
New guy joins us. Gets stuck on how to concatenate a string. No big deal since he is new to the language too and doesn't have a C background. I offer to help and he goes on a 10 min rant about how C and C++ are different and I don't know what I'm talking about.
Wait until he's done. Tell him just to do strcat(possibly a better way but I'm literally in day 2 of my C++ skills, but I knew it would work). He mumbles how is not going to work as he types like he's going to shove it in my face when it fails.
It was like a beautiful geeky mic drop when it worked perfectly.5
You know the anxiety that is caused by having your boss breathing down your neck as you fix something?
WELL I DON'T
SIT DOWN MOTHERFUCKER AND WATCH THIS SHIT
I fucking invite this micromanaging fuckery. Come on dude get closer and check this shit out. Countless hours perfecting my sweet skills, lemme show them to you and make yo dumbass feel inadequate AF
dude was literally looking as i saved the day over some fuckery that happened while i was taking care of alllll the other motherfucking support tickets.
Dude even said wow.
I said "i am in this bitch what's up?"
Guarantee mfkers won't fuck with you if you show them how much of a fucking boss you are.
*doesn't drop mic
*smashes guitar instead8
Just deployed my first big project!
Build on React using Redux and HTML / CSS (captain obvious).
The website is called https://2dor3d.com
It allows movie fans to vote Yes or No 3D after seeing the film in 3D.
On the other hand, it allows movie goers to check the current score and see if that extra 3D cash is worth it!
Maybe not, if it has a low score better buy the 2D ticket.
I would love it if you guys could check it out and hopefully start using it!
I'm super proud.
W1ckeD out, mic drop.14
Okay, I love Laravel, but sometimes it just pisses me the fuck off.
I needed to check a cookie in a middleware and redirect to a page if that cookie is set to 1. Sounds easy, right? A simple if(request()->cookie("pshield") === "1") should do it, right?
To make this even worse, that code would work without any sort of problems in a view and controller. Hell, it would even work in inline PHP without importing anything!
Now here's the thing. Laravel encrypts all cookies with a previously generated AES-256-CBC key.
Of course that means they have to be decrypted. Reasonable, hm? Well, in controllers and views, that has already been taken care of. The cookies are decrypted and usable as plaintext. Now, you could expect that to be the case in middlewares too, hm?
Nah, that'd be easy. Middlewares do not decrypt cookies. Took me around 20 minutes to figure out since you cannot echo data from a middleware either.
if(Crypt::decryptCookie(request()->cookie("pshield")) === "1")
FATAL EXCEPTION: String failed to serialize
**cue loud screaming after 30 minutes of debugging**
For some godforsaken reason, the Laravel framework requires you to not use the normal fucking cookie decryption function, but the one to decrypt text.
if(Crypt::decryptString(request()->cookie("pshield")) === "1")
I don't get why they didn't just make it expected behavior and I fucking hate how it looks.
Just sold my car waaayyy under it’s worth just because I don’t have much time left to relocate.
And those fuck faces want me to pay half of THEIR transport costs..
The both of us just signed a fucking contract you morons.
Read the contracts you write before giving them to anyone.
Good for me that I did.
Fucking unfriendly assholes trying to rip people off twice in a row..
They make immigrants look bad just because those guys are fucking idiots..
They didn’t get another penny from me those cock suckers..
And now, a good evening too all of you.
Just8littlebyte out! *mic drop*2
So, you are telling me that I should motivate myself? For working in a dead end job with no scope of promotion, no imminent raise, ever changing job requirements, layoffs, empty cubicles, zero SDLC process in place, no oversight from upper management, it is somehow my fault for me being late to work everyday?
One of these days, I'm going to fling my resignation paper at your face and drop the mic!
Man, Fuck you son!3
way back in highschool, for recitation i fixed a bug in the code written on the board with a very small change. feeling proud of my work, i did a 'mic drop'-esque thing on the marker i used.
my prof apparently did not see the change i made, said to the class something about 'having guts,stagefright,etc. he thought i really did not do anything, and just erased the whole thing. i almost lost interest in programming after that.
after college though, graduating top of the class and all, the school asked me to do their website, it was kickass and the board liked it.
months after golive, i came across the same prof in a party for celebrating the success of the website.
i will never forget that "in your face" smug smile i gave him, and the obvious stumped look on his face.
sorry if its too long, here's a rant potato (:/)1
It's not just about code but the whole package.
Watching great programmers fail miserably at project management, research, documentation, team leading and acting professional is just embarrassing, especially when they slate those who went out to educate themselves.
🎙️ Mic drop, I'm out!2
When do you know your code is documented well?
If writing anything more besides your code feels absolutely unnecessary.2