Happened a while ago but I still find it funny.

*phone rings*
Me: good morning sir, how can I help you?
Client: MY WEBSITE IS OFFLINE, FIX IT RIGHT NOW.
M: I'm going to take a look, what's the domain?
C: *gives domain*
M: I see, that domain expired already, it was cancelled through our customer portal by the client, you maybe or someone you know?
C: WHAT?! MY INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS DEPENDS ON THAT DOMAIN, I'D NEVER CANCEL IT, THIS IS BULLSHIT! I'F THE SITE GOES OFFLINE FOR A MONTH I'LL FUCKING GO BANKRUPT, YOU'RE GOING TO FIX THIS RIGHT NOW.
M: if I may ask, how is your business doing right now?
C: HOW IS THAT QUESTION RELEVANT RIGHT NOW?!
M: well, you said that if the site would go offline for a month, you'd go bankrupt. The domain registration ended about half a year ago so that's why I aske......

*beeeeep beeeeep beeeeep*

Well, okay then.

"Chrome 66 arrives with autoplaying content blocked by default"

Fuck yeah! Fuck you CNET, Mashables and all the other retard companies that did that.

Oh.. So the deadline is tomorrow? How about we schedule a fucking FOUR HOUR meeting to speed things up?

Yeah, fuck you too...

Just watched a video where someone (in relation to the new mass surveillance law in the netherlands) asked people on the street if they had something to hide.

Everyone said no.

"Could you get your phone and show me around?"

Everyone said yes.

"May I take a look at your messages/pictures/browsing history?"

Suddenly 80 percent said no.

"But you said you had nothing to hide!"

"I'm going to take that back."

Windows: Copying 2,513 items from <here> to <here>.
Me: OK.

Windows: 84% complete.
Me: OK.

Windows: Shit.
Me: What?!

Windows: "Copying" dialog box is not responding.
Me: Fuck you.

Windows: Well, yeah, sorry.
Me: Fuck you.

Windows: Do something else until it unfreezes.
Me: OK.
.
.
.
Me: Fuck you. Everything's stuck. Can't click anywhere.
Windows: You can still use your mouse, though.

Me: Yeah, I guess. Wait a second, it's also stuck. The whole thing is frozen as ice.
Windows: What about keyboard?

Me: I said, THE WHOLE FUCKING THING!
Windows: Well, sorry?

Me: FUCK YOU!!

So this guy passed large objects as function arguments directly instead of referencing. What a jackass. So the program was slow as fuck AND taking up too much memory.

So yeah, I'm basically ranting about myself.

Brain: hey kiddo, want to stay home and work on your side project today? I'm feeling good.
Me: fuck yeah finally!

*call in sick.
*open laptop. Tabs and editors already waiting.
*play music, no sound.
*system is all laggy.
*fuck, restart.
*
*Installing windows updates...

*leaves for work.

>Building advertising platform
>Life is good
>Fire up the dev server and open in browser
>No assets
>What the fuck
>Check code and config for like an hour it's all good
>What the fuck
>Try incognito browser, it works.
>What the fuck
>Oh yeah. Adblock. Fuck.

I FUCKING MADE IT GUYS! I JUST PASSED THE HARDEST COURSE AT UNIVERSITY WHICH IS ABOUT DATA STRUCTURES AND ALGORITHMS! I DRAGGED THIS WITH ME A WHOLE YEAR AND I JUST GOT THE NOTIFICATION THAT I MADE IT. I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY GUYS I CANT BELIEVE IT!!!!!!

Website: We care about your privacy and don't sell your information to third parties.

*inspects Privacy Badger*
*notices a truckload of Google/facebook trackers/ad thingies*

Yeah why don't you go fuck yourself.

Postman: We will stop supporting our Chrome app. Please download our "Native" app for better performance.

No motherfuckers.. Go die, alone, while your fucking family watch you bleed to death helplessly.

Electron is not native, don't mix true native development with lazy ass electron. Fuck you. A native postman would've been around 15MB in size but your "native" installer is 68MB so shut the fuck up and don't call it native or I will stick my native dick in your fucking throats.

I develop native apps So yeah, I'm pissed when web devs are starting to call electron and JS as native desktop apps... They are not... Now fuck off you smelly cunts.

Yeah, fuck gravity xD

! Rant
Got promoted today
Fuck yeah \m/

*opens camera*
*permission popup asking for contacts/telephone permissions*

*installs Open Camera*

Really, fucking phone/contact permissions to take pictures?!

Yeah fuck right off.

I'm signing up for steam for playing a specific game.

Entered a freaking difficult/long password: "Choose a less commonly used password"

Yeah right, what in the actual fuck.

Me - "Has anyone changed the password on the print computer"
Him - "It's the same one."
Me - "Carrots99?"
Him - "Yeah, what's the message that comes up?
Me - "Password is incorrect."

The dumbest conversation I've ever had in my fucking life. You little shit, I know you changed the password just to fuck with people. You've been reading too many books on elevating yourself, tried to be important for something. It means fuck all if you can't remember what you changed it to. So you held up two hours of my work, not to mention everyone else, because you can't help but stick your beak in shit. You dont think people can't see what youre doing? Watching you scurry over to the computer with a big smile, only a to fuck off silent as a mouse not to be seen mumbling some shit about a system administrator. Yeah you forgot it you prick.

Stop sucking up to the boss, and commanding people on what to do, when you're as junior as junior gets. Don't change our fucking passwords, just so you can have the whole team approach you the next day asking for you, then not remember them. You cunt.

FUCK HELL YEAH! I'm done with my FUCKING THESIS! I just handed it in - that filthy time eating piece of blood sucking papershit! God yes! I'm proud and relieved as fuck!

Got really sick as well! Fuck the stress! Fuck everything. I'm just gonna play Witcher 3 all day long with some nice cup of tea !

So from hearing all those horrible recruiter stories on here, I am still kinda anxious to contact them/apply to jobs but fuck it, gotta find something.

So this morning, I was browsing jobs and saw one that seemed interesting. Applied through the app and didn't give it a second thought (they usually contact me after a week or so).

Then, 5 minutes later I suddenly got called by a number I don't know so picked up and:

Me: Hello, this is linuxxx (not gonna use my real name :P).
R: Hello, I am {r.name}, from {r.company}. I saw you are interested in {job.name}!
Me: Holy fuck (yeah i about literally said that), I did NOT expect to get a call within 5 minutes! *suddenly realizes I have to act professional, fuck me*.
R: That's alright haha! So may I ask you a few questions?
Me: *okay so that went better than expected* Yeah sure!:

- He asked me about many things but specifically about how I got into Linux and how my interest etc for it started AND where I learned it. He was very surprised to hear that I've learned everything myself :).

So, instead of getting an ass on the line, we talked, laughed and talked job oppertunities for half an hour :D.

I am not that afraid of recruiters anymore.

Client: so how could we test this 😬
Me: you know what, send me an email at linuxxx@companyname.com and I can look if I can properly reply! Keep in mind though that this is for one time only, no further questions through that email address!
Client: Yes of course! *sends email*
Me: *tests* - *works fine* - *messages client back through the ticket system*
Client: *proceeds to send two follow up questions to my fucking work email address*

Me: *selects emails* - *marks emails as spam and deletes them*

Fucking seriously?! Cunt.

Today my manager told me she would get us phpstorm amongst other things If I requested them.

Sometimes I really want to hug this woman.

Awww yii phpstorm rules

My parents recently got divorced and sold their house, so I had to go through all my old stuff and found this beauty! A pair of new bateries and it still work! Fuck Yeah!

Bob?
Yeah?
Bob, could you hand me that paperclip?
Sure mate!
Thanks.

Oh... Bob?
Uhhh... yeah?
Could you also hand me that paperclip?
Right... sure, of course.
Thanks.

Bob?
What?
Could you also hand me the next paperclip?
Fuck off, why don't I just give you the whole fucking box!

Yeah Bob, please, throw the whole fucking box.

Wait, is that a printed screenshot of my code you're attaching the paperclips to?

It sure is, Bob.

So, this coworker of mine just said I'll never be a good programmer because I was looking for an answer on Stackoverflow, instead of figuring it out by myself.
Yeah, Satan. I'm sorry if I wasn't born knowing everything about a language I started learning a month ago.
Fuck off.

Vacation for two weeks, fuck yeah, two weeks of not having to give a single fuck about customers and their problems.

🍺🍿

This actually happend in my secondary school class. A new guy came to our class. The whole family moved from another city.
*new guy want to start conversation with me*
new guy: "So you into computers and stuff like that?"
me: "Yes" *seems like a cool guy , want to develop the conversation further* "what about you man? do you like computers? do yo program or smth?"
*new guy wants to look cool in front of me*
new guy: " Yeah dude, actually I am hacker"
*me saying to myself, oh fuck not again this shit*
he continues with: " Once I got into the NASA system"
*switches mode to making fun of him*
me: "what the fuck man? really? that´s freaking cool, how you manage to do that? "
new guy: " you know the thing when you press F10 when starting a comupter? "
me: "You mean BIOS?"
new guy : "yeah yeah man through that shit"
* I am done, laughing my ass off and walks away*

My wife took the kids to the mall.
I work from home.

me: fuck yeah, I'll be able to work now, since I focus a lot more when there's a lot of silence in the house, looking forward to this coding session
me: *takes the fattest 2 hour nap*

I guess I was tired...

Fuck yeah this will be my greatest answer on Stack Overflow thus far!
Massive loads of examples, references to code, discussions and articles and now finally busy on the final conclusion...

wait... WHAT!!!!?>? !@@#$#SH$['\'

My transparent display is working just need to edit the system of it yayyy.
You can see trough fuck yeah !!!!

Yeah fuck you too.

I hate this attitude of my study (when i studied):

"it might be a good idea to teach the students how to program securely by default?"

"oh no but we just want to teach them the basics"

"so why not the secure basics by default?!"

"nah we just want them to get started and understand it, that's all. We'll get to the secure way later on"

Well, fuck you.

The Dutch referendum about the new mass surveillance law is a go, fuck yeah!

Also, due to a some stuff, a delay is postponing the start of the mass surveillance to May next year.

A little more time to setup secure stuffs :3

"Ugh... what a day, so exhausted from sitting at the computer all day. Can't wait to get home from work and
INSTALL ARCH LINUX FUCK YEAH!!"

Fuck yeah!

6 monitors are success-fucking-fully running on my setup.

Fun detail is that WITH the official AMD driver, one screen wasn't turning on and one had a weird resolution but WITHOUT it, it works completely fine!

Yes, it runs completely fine on Linux (Kubuntu).

Finally have my dream setup.

Suddenly my KDE neon installation didn't want to start anymore. (emergency recovery shell)

Immediately searching for solutions, praying for the best...

Saw a suggestion about removing any custom /etc/fstab entries. Removed an entry i added earlier today.

Boots again right away, fuck yeah, Linux, I fucking love you ❤︎

Me (to friend): So all your information these days is stored in the cloud.

Friend: Yeah I know that's crazy, huh!?

Me: Yeah!

Friend: I wonder if there's any disruption of the data when planes fly through.

Me: What do you mean?

Friend: Like when a cloud breaks when a plane move through it since we store our data in the precipitation layer. Nikola Tesla would be so proud.

Me: Uh... The fuck?

Me (thinking to myself): maybe he's just joking...

Javascript developer interview

One of the RH interviewers started asking about myself, personal information, etc..

He : well, let me introduce you our tech lead, he will make you some question about JS

Me : alright

Tech Lead : ummm, do you know javascript?

Me : yes..?

Tech Lead : ok, cool. We will call you.

I got the job..

Fuck the politics
Fuck cunt licking managers
Fuck net neutrality
Fuck those fonts
Fuck birthdays
Fuck your emotions
Fuck Instagram
Fuck your servers
Fuck television
Fuck the monsoons
Fuck the code
Fuck your crush
Fuck corporates
Fuck vacations
Fuck religion
Fuck Facebook
Fuck vintage cars
Fuck new smartphones
Fuck the world

That guy running tea stall on weekends, yeah! Fuck him too.

FUCK EVERYTHING!!!!!!

Fuck yeah.

Last year our government voted out new mass surveillance law through like it was nothing AND with a huge amount of votes in favor and hardly any against. (remember that the government is *supposed* to represent the people of the country)

A few students made a referendum happen, 48 percent of our people came to vote for this.

The first exit poll results are about 50/50!

I'm happy as fuck, damn!

Sorry for this slightly political posts and if this entirely violates all terms, I'll remove it. I thought this fits, though, because of what this new law.

00:00: Yeah I'll change that now, it'll only take 5 minutes.

00:05: well that's done, better do this too though before I forget.

02:20: well that escalated quickly.. Better grab 3 hours sleep while I can.

04:00: Fuck.

I googled "fuck apple" and ended up here... so yeah fuck this piece of shit company with shitty overpriced cancer inducing products. Xcode is the worse garbage I've ever seen in my life. For a company that masturbates to their superior design well they can eat a fat dick cause its horrible. Everything this fucking company does makes me waste my time. Add a fucking notch to their displays, retarded app store process, makes you workaround to install latest OS on older machines, hide options in convoluted interface, everything, make you feel like your 12 again and living with your parents. fuck them. fuck apple fan boys. fuck tim cook. fuck kids that jack off to iphones fuck you if you own a macbook and drink at starbucks . this is the last fucking ios app I ever make. bye

That moment when the resident IT guy/teacher at your school comes to you at lunch and you look sad.
Me: Hello.
Teacher: What happened?
Me: Batteries almsot dead :(
Teacher: Well, I've got good news for you. I was talking to the school director about you.
Me: Um ... shit
Teacher: We're looking to get you an intership at the company that does networking shit for us (Netcom, anybody?)
Me: FUCK YEAH ... thanks!
*Day brightened by angelic light*

Fuck yeah!!! Back to my former glory!!! :D

It's sooo awesome when a challenging project starts giving results. The confidence levels go straight to - THROW ANYTHING AT ME BITCH! I CAN DO IT!

!rant

*in slack*
Me: Team's gonna watch IT. Wanna come?
Friend from other team: Yeah, sure!

*in cinema*
Friend: WTF! Why is this I.T? This is scary as fuck!
Me: I-T? It's "it". HAHAHAHA It's a remake of the It 1990 movie.
Friend: I don't know anything about that. I'm scared as hell! I thought this would be some tech stuff and crying in the server room or something!

Ever been at a company that makes you feel worthless and useless? To add to that, have a director who has physically assaulted you? Company refuses to train, but demands that certain set of skills. Won't give a raise but has literally millions in funds for advertising. Yeah. Fuck that.

Software company director: we build Java applications right?
Devs: nah, javascript.
Director: it's the same, right?
Devs: no
Director: fuck, I pitched a Java application.

A few hours later...
Director on the phone: Yeah, we are building it in Java...

I did it! I am now part of a web company as an intern, entirely self-taught. This is so cool, when they looked at my code they were surprised about my skills and how clean my code was. Fuck yeah, I'm happy

This is a fucking mess!!!

Refactor?!?!?!?!

Fuck it...

File > New Project

Yeah, fuck it. It'd be easier to just start over.

I really need to get my lazy ass up and get the fuck to work on the privacy site.

Yeah let's fucking do that. I've got a nice special beer as motivation as well!

Gooooood morning devRant! Fucking friday, fuck yeah.

Hereby a rant which @dfox asked to make to test if a possible bug is fixed.

Have a great day everybody and thanks to dfox for keeping me in the loop on this!

Friend: So what's the plan for Christmas
Me: Nothing much just coding
Friend: No apart from work
Me: Yeah coding
Friend: That means, you not getting drunk or laid this Christmas
Me: No, because I can't C Sharp when coding
Friend: Fuck developers

So I'm doing my thing... Suddenly all open windows start closing one by one and computer starts a shut down.. and i realize the windows update is coming..

But like.. can you at least give me a 2 minutes heads up? How the fuck such a process gets approved in microsoft?

"Yeah just close everything and force restart.. it's fine"

A sweet girl of my class asked me yesterday, if i can help her to refresh her IT skills. I said "yes ofc im glad to help" . Today she repeated it, while whole class was listening. Other classmates said" yeah good idea we want to join"
Well, fuck it..

Cleaning my dad's iphone.

This is what happens when you put an iPhone in an otterbox

You retarded cunt. Yeah, you. No, don’t stare at me like you did nothing.
I fucking wrote 3/4 of your stupid script because you put batch in PowerShell and don’t know what a fucking anonymous object is, and you take credits without acknowledging I helped the shit out of you. Do it one more time and I’ll bomb your hard drive with a fucking hammer.

Useless fuck

Taking online privacy to the next level?

Not entirely sure but I've gotta say that it feels awesome to run an instance of searx.me on my own server and kind of use my own server for searching stuff online now!

Fuck yeah.

fuck yeah i'm a hacker.

One day with a lot of hours trying later:

Got an OpenVPN server running from scratch and can (still have to write the actual authentication code) accept or refuse clients through a php script ran from a bash script with a username and password.

Fuck yeah!

Website on sign off.
Client: yeah I just updated all the content on the old site but that's ok you can just copy and paste it, right?

Currently trying to formulate a reply that doesn't start with the words "For fuck sake..."

I thought this launch (security/privacy blog) would go smooth:
- analytics fell, except for one thing, apart for yet unknown reasons
- MySQL came with a very weird error which took me like half an hour of research before I hacked my way past it.
- the firewall started to fuck around for no reason, works now though.

Nginx worked without issues though, as well as NetData 😅

Yeah, didn't go as planned :P

Having to argue with team members inside my head.

I have a one-man startup, so I have all these imaginary team members who specialise in different things so that I can concentrate on whatever I am doing for that day.
But it seems my developer side of me hates the manager and UX designer these days for making changes half way through the project.

Oh yeah, and my accountant side thinks I'm spending too much. Fuck you, I needed that money.

Fuck yeah!! The power supply that I've been working on since last week is all cleaned up and back in action 😁😁😁

I'm supposed to be a techie and prefer all the digital stuff, but this is by far the best Christmas present I'll be getting this year

Fuck you and you and everyone!!
It's midnight and I'm in a village on the top of a FUCKIN MOUNTAIN!!!
Wind is so fast that it's literally blowing whistles while passing by my ears.
And it's fukin cold as fuck.

> Hey dude, are you coding on the top of a mountain??
> HELL YEAH!!!

Tutanota (encrypted mail service) is releasing a new android app soon which won’t be using GCM anymore so that the app won’t be the reason a phone connects to anything google anymore and it’ll be on F-Droid soon!

Fuck yeah, Turanota, I fucking love you ❤️

Guuuyyyssss

In my recent rant I told that I will go to an programming challange (or so) in Bonn, Germany.

Today my boss told me I can go if I present the competition to all other bosses in our department + I will be a participant in the "innovation section" of our department. YESS FUCKING YESSSSSSS

I could get fucking promoted jeeeeeeeeeeeee

So yesterday was a regular old day where I came into the office and began my work. My office mate that sits next to me happens to be having an issue with her batch script. It wasn't running correctly so she had decided to call in IT and have them take a look at it. What she was trying to do was process some images through a dedicated super-computer located on site.

So as you can imagine with both of them standing right next to me it was hard not to listen in on their conversation. The IT guy decided to go through a barrage of different troubleshooting methods to figure out what was happening with her script. And soon enough they discovered what was wrong. It happened to be an issue with how Windows decides to deal with new line characters. FYI it looks like this shit "\n \r"

The fucking \r looked like a directory to Linux. So it would squeal to a halt every single time she tried to run.

How this happened was due to her using notepad to edit her batch file.

At this point, I made a comment about her use of Notepad.
"Oh, you're using notepad? I've had similar issues like this in the past when I've used notepad. I really hate notepad." I said with a slight chuckle.

And that was pretty much the end of our encounters. However, at the end of the day, she decided to speak up about this.

"I don't appreciate you making comments about my use of Notepad. That was a form of microaggression towards me, and I don't want you to do it again."

Completely taken aback I replied.
"I'm sorry you took it that way, it was a joke and wasn't meant to be taken personally."

"Well, your intent does not change impact. And by the way, I take pride in my code and scripting. I don't need your commentary about my code nor your micro-aggressions." She said in a huff.

"Well again, I'm sorry you feel that way," I replied back

*I'd like to say that this situation is loosely paraphrased, but the essence of what happened is still there.

At this point, this is what I have to say about this situation. Why the FUCKING FUCK are you using notepad to program anything. There ARE A SHIT TON of differing programs that are available for your use and you decide to use fucking notepad?!?! $%&*@#$^

You could use notepad++, you could use Sublime, you could use every-fucking-thing except Notepad!!! If anything I think I had every right to make a comment about your stupid use of notepad. And darling, your script not working was well deserved, I hope you run into more errors like this because you deserve nothing less for your arrogance. So you can take your opinions and shove them up your fat-ass because at the end of the day I don't give a FUCK about your opinions on my micro-aggressions that you're spouting off about.
I suggest the next time you feel attacked about your code perhaps you should take a cold hard look at yourself before thinking that I'm the one that is the FUCKING problem.

Yeah, no. Fuck you.

I got my first job!

A real, full-time job that doesn't pay me shit!

I haven't even graduated Uni yet!

FUCK YEAH! 🍻

!dev

Me: walks into a coffee shop and orders a latte

Barista-1: can you cover for me tomorrow.

Barista-2: I am busy with family. Do you have plans?

B-1: no.

B-2: are you sick?

B-1: yeah! My throat hurts soooo much and I can hardly breath!

B-2: ahhhhh. That’s too sad.

B-1: commences to make my latte while breaking heavily into it.

Me: Walks the fuck away.

Fuck. That. Shit.

The $6 it costs for that latte isn’t worth missing a week of paying work with the flu!

I got no time for that type of shit. Stay the fuck home for fuck sakes.

school takes the creativity out of programming.

you want to try something new?
sorry, can't have that. functionality = priority.

school takes the choice out of programming.

- you're gonna use x language
- with x api
- in x environment
- and make it in x way
- because if you don't, your gonna fail x assignments
- because programming is about getting the job done, with no creativity

yeah fuck you too

school takes the cleverness out of programming

you get a turn left function. it turns a 'turtle' left any amount of degrees that you pass it, you have to make a turn right function to turn right 90 degrees. well, if you thought turning left -90 degrees was a good idea to make a turn right function, then fuck you. you have to turn left three timeswith the default 90 degrees instead because it's more practical/logical.

fuck that.

anyone else hate the movements to get programming into schools?

!rant
I just started to use Fira Code as my main font because another awesome user recommended it and I must say, this shit is beautiful. This is what I love about this community. I learn more and get to know more cool shit because of what users say in here than the 5 years I spent at uni. You ninjas rock!

This years~
It’s a class that introduce an introduction to programming.
First weeks of the class.
T: “For those who already know this basic stuff , You can take a final test. If you pass, you get an ‘A’ and dont have to attend to this class for the rest of this term.”
Me: “Fuck yeah~ Let’s do this”
—

This makes me happy!...

Fuck yeah!!! After five days of fiddeling round in assembly without any sort of tutorial finally, im there :)

You know when you click an image to see a larger version and a light box loads a smaller image. Who the fuck tested this shit and thought "Yeah that looks alright."?

I really hate it when people immediately say "Yeah I don't get this stuff" even before taking a moment to even try to understand it. Mostly when talking about computers and coding

This even happens with the most simple thing I show. I sent someone a picture of a registration page I made, and I said: "This is where you create an account". He replies: "Yeah I don't get this stuff". I thought to myself: fuck, what is going on with this world if they dont even understand what a registration page is?

Another time I told my mom that data on databases is stored in tables just because I thought she was interested, and she said: "Yeah I don't get this stuff". COME ON EVERYBODY KNOWS WHAT A TABLE IS.

Just stop saying you don't get it before I finished, just because its about code and programming, its fucking annoying and it makes me lose faith in humanity

Yeah sure, you can have your site files and database. Host it yourself. Get your cousin to maintain it. Go ahead. Yeah, sure, you're gonna do ~really~ well. Bye bye, ya micro-managing fuck nugget :D

Fuck you idiots at medium.com for your sheer impudence. Not only that you track me, which I havn't agreed to, you think it's a good idea to nag around and gather even more data!
You stinking farts label your stalking as "let's make things official"! Who shit in your head?
I've seen other places way more often, and guess what, no coffee bar has ever had the idea to ask for my ID card just because I bought my second or third coffee there.
But just because it's the internet you think it's OK to be intrusive wankers, yeah?! Fuck off.

Congratulations on a great year of continuous stress and being successful. As a reward here's a 50 bucks increase to your salary.

Yeah... great.. fuck you!

"Gender bias in open source programming "

Yeah right FUCK OFF

Yesterday I stayed at home sick. Had a bad case of the EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA FROM HELL. Was feeling ok but could not walk away from me throne.

Went in today cuz the lead was not gonna be there and shit always breaks on Freyja's day as we all know.

1 and a half hours before we clock out and go home someone calls saying that students are trying to drop from classes at the last minute and our app ain't doing it.

I "fixed" the app last week and ran a small login test. It work so I thought it was fine. Stupid me for making unprofessional and retarded assumptions.

Manager freaks out. The entire school freaks out. Coworker lols cuz he ain't got to work on it. I start mind debugging the entire bitcheridoo.

45 minutes later...and I was able to successfully go through almost 15k lines of code of php/html/js code and fucking FIXED it with tests and all for real.

Went at it hard. Babe ass manager was like 0.0 and then (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Called head office and told them everything was undr control.

Dropped the phone like a mic. Mic drop.

Then I looked at manager and coworker and said "ya I fucked up, but I am still the king"

Both nodded in agreement.

Everyone got wet with my sheer awesome troubleshooting php master skills.

Got home thinking about how boss I am.

Fucking Texas af b. Can't touch this heat. The rangers still suck and so do the cowboys. The astros and the texans don't exist because there is only room for one. Go spurs.

Still have diarrhea.

Fuck yeah.

Ever had one of those moments when sites run by cunts (fuck you CNET) autoplays videos at 200% volume?

Use the extension called "Silent Site Sound Blocker" to make sure only whitelisted websites can play sounds.

Fuck yeah!

There was this dude in my class named Mohammed and he always wrote this code that worked well but removing one teeny tiny thing would fuck up everything. My teacher then introduced the word "Mogramming" and whenever someone wrote code in the way Mo did the teacher would go like 'hey, stop mogramming and start programming!". Yeah, that was funny :).

Me, going on a vacation
"Fuck yeah, finally a break, beach, grill, nice. Im not bringing my laptop, theres no way im touching any code."

Me, 10 minutes after i got on the bus
"Oh, i figured out whys that one thing not working, let me just get my lapt...shit"

Oh fuck yeah.
Now devRant isn't so lonely 😄

That "fuck yeah!" feeling you get when you finally fix that bug that has been bugging you for the last hour...

..only to find another one hidden around the corner.

Woohoo we asked for a prioritized list of changes , we got 2 power points instead.

Yeah, fuck you too.

Insomnia: yeah, nice cors header
Postman: neat cors header mate

Fetch in browser: where the FUCK is the cors header you retard

Okay so
Client asks for a bunch of data what can be easily calculated with excel. I think to myself, yeah, ill not fuck around adding numbers 1by1, ill just use excel.

Client wants a program, says he likes having a program do stuff. Mind you, this isnt an universal program at all, it just has to work for this specific input file.

Me: packages the original excel file into a jar and makes it unpackage when run.

Client: is happy

Me: ???

Shout out to my team lead for finding out there's a badge for front end development

Apple flips the bird to devs again...

So I go to release a new version of my app (critical updates and bug fixes from mgmt) and I had just updated my phone. Yeah, that was a fucking mistake.

“This version of Xcode is not compatible with the new version of iOS.”

Ok... update Xcode...

“The new version of Xcode is not compatible with your version of OSX”

WTF?! This version isn’t that old? Fine... update OSX. 5 hours later...

“Hey, just wanted to let you know that we decided to break every one of your web development tool setting and basically nothing works on your computer now, oh yeah, and we’re Apple so FUCK YOU.”

Le me: "my code is awesome! The way I did XY and Z is insanely cool, efficient, and maintainable."

Le Boss: "yeah so let's schedule a code review next week."

Le me : "... fuck, Fuck, FUUUUCK!"

Internal Screaming

Fuck yeah I love Thursdays! Deployments went well in the office, freelance clients are satisfied as well and I am drunk with my wife... what more can a dev(ranter) ask for?!

On my linkedin profile it is clearly mentioned that I am a Java developer.

Recruiter: Hey, I want to offer you a super cool PHP job position.
Me: But I haven’t mentioned anywhere that I am familiar with PHP.
Recruiter: Yeah, I know, but I thought you may want to switch to PHP for a while.
Me: o_O. Fuck you, miss. I do not switch programming languages like I change my socks. Who the fuck teaches you these approaches?

!rant

Today I bring happy news. First company I interviewed at clicked so well, both personally and technically, and they expressed an eagerness to hire me on the spot. I figured we might as well talk salary to compare them against other interviews. The offer they made me was so good I decided to sign there and then. They said they participate in a fair wage program but for me this is absolutely the dream. I get lots of nice perks to boot. And they've already mailed me some tech documentation to go over so I can prepare, as I'll be working with the latest front end stuff and of course my trusty .NET (and yes I asked it'll be C#, haha).

I can't even begin to express how great this is. The last decade I've been unemployed for several years in total, and vastly underpayed when I was employed. I've worked in some toxic environments, been falling behind on tech and wrote a lot of rubbish code as a result of that. But it seems that somehow all the hard work I did put in paid off by taking a chance when it presented itself and go in accepting I might fail horribly. And I did bomb the tech questions actually. But they let me explain myself and come to answers together and saw beyond the black and white.

In short I feel like I've won the work lottery and will start 2018 in style. Part of me is still scared though, that there will be a mistake or a catch or even somehow I'll ruin everything. But that is the risk in life and I'm just going to have to deal. What I can control and will do is my very best, because I want to keep succeeding and have a great future career. And I hope I can inspire others in the same boat with my actions too.

"BlueStacks 4, 6 times faster than every phone on Earth!!!"
*wank wank*

Meanwhile, it can't even do window compositing (y u no use the fucking compositor of the fucking OS?!) or keyboard input (sends Return twice apparently). But yeah, faster than every phone on Earth. MY FUCKING ASS IS FASTER, FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!!

So much for a Sunday where my servers can go straight to hell for a day, and I'll just play some fucking games.. so much for that.

FUCK!!!

Fuck yeah! Passed Dutch practical driving exam first try! 😁

Teacher: The next 3 months we're going to learn web dev
Me thinking: fuck yeah, finally, I love web dev.
Teacher 1 week later: shows us how to build with wix-like builder...

Who the fuck doesn't use responsive design. Oh yeah my Job. Thank God I quit Friday. Fuck this old ass dirt company

GUYS I DID IT
AND I ONLY HAD TO LOOK AT THE ARCHWIKI FOR GRUB INSTALLATION
AM I COOL NOW
(going to install to my computer a little later, don't worry i'm not done here)

Fuck yeah!!! After over a month of being stuck without a phone, the funds have finally been released to buy a new one. It'll be the OnePlus 6T. Kernel source available on launch, wicked specs that rival PC's - 8GB of LPDDR4 RAM, a quarter TB of storage... Fuck yeah!!!! Never settle indeed!!! :D

I love my notebook but still...

Fuck you to the person at Lenovo who thought that it would be a great idea to support 16gb of ram and then put 4gb internal ram into it.
I can add an 8gb stick to it, totalling at 12gb. There are no 12gb sticks (as far I am aware of) so yeah, fuck 16gb "supported" by the mainboard, 12 is the maximum.

How intellij handles syntax errors while reformating code vs eclipse:

Intellij: I'm not sure what you want to do there, so I'll just make slight adjustments.

Eclipse: Yeah, I don't understand this so fuck your whole file.

New position at work. Lots of power in regards to tech stacks of my choice.

I feel like Neo.

First project was finished in a week using Clojure. A basic application that would automate the process of adding our students into a particular active directory system in which many other things happen at the same time including updates to pins and other shit as well as networking and wifi permissions. Works fast as fuuuuuuuuuck, the alternative existed(somewhat) in php and while there was nothing wrong other than speed I wanted to show the head of my department what i could do.

It was anticlimactic as fuck. I thought it was gonna take me longer. It fucking didn't and i am glad as shit. It is now working like an absolute powerhouse in its own environment and being monitored by the sys admins, they loved how easy it was to deploy and how well behaved it is.

The head of the department is impressed as fuck and the board of directors got a hold of it. Reason being that I am being displayed as some sort of wizard that used ancient alien tech in the 21st century.

Fuck yes, major win.

I also get to add Clojure to my resumee. Hod even said that if needed be they will rethink my salary to add the fact that i get to use this tech where no one else can.

Yeah yeah, good ol' DropBox.
Which fucking piss-wanker has made the decision to NOT SUPPORT encrypted ext4 starting in november???
You think I'm going to reformat my SSD just for you, you little stinky cunt, huh?
CrapBox has hearned itself a place in /dev/null
Go fuck yourself, you hobo-raped STD host!

Did not expect this from Google. Seems like you're hiring real linguistic pros.

Now this is not the only thing I didn't like, they're very disorganized & the interviewer got sick & two of three interviewers were so cocky.. bad bad vibes

On the other side, a small local company is giving warm & good vibes, seems more accommodating even with lower pay.. their website sucks & the tech director was honest & smiling.

So yeah, Fuck You Google
..|.

Life is hard.

You are born. DNA gets determined. You go through infancy.

Puberty comes and DNA is like
"uh from now you'll pretty much have strong sexual urges, a huge desire to be sexually prolific, nothing weird like being pedo or into rape though".

me: Uh ok.
dna: oh, also, you're gonna be one of those late bloomers, you know, you talk like shit, you dress like shit, you smell like shit.
life: that's true and also you don't have anyone in your life to teach you about that shit, so forget about kissing, having sex, let alone being in a relationship for a long time.

*a lot of years go by with a lot of missed opportunities, mistakes and regrets*

life: ok, you seem to have become a decent sex partner out of a lot of scarring experiences, but there's one problem: you've fallen in love with somebody.

and you're married

and you have kids

me: well, does that mean I can't fuck other people?
life: yeah, no. I'm surprised I even have to explain that, it's called cheating. It will pretty much ruin your marriage, and fuck up your kids.

me: ok, I guess no then. I'm still fortunate enough to have sex with my wife right?

life: yeah... but you still want to fuck other people
me: what???
life: yeah, did you think that falling in love would make you not want to fuck other people? fuck no

me: ok, well I'm very grateful that I get to experience sex at all.
life: yes... there's a thing though, your partner has a much much lower libido than you.

me: ok, well maybe if I exercise and dress better that might change
life: that will definitely help, you'll feel more confident and have more stamina, but every time you retry exercising, you remember how much you hate it and how little stamina you have.
oh, I'm sorry, I forgot you had kids and work, yeah no time or energy for that.

me: ok, then should I just embrace a more liberal lifestyle, like becoming a swinger?
life: ha, fat chance, it's a very taboo thing and you're not that liberal, neither is she.

me: uhhh, i guess i can sometimes watch porn then...
life: watching porn regularly will make the only sex that you have worse, according to statistics.

me: ok, I guess I should get ripped

I can't access Google anymore.

I am genuinely happy about this.

13 fucking USD in shipping for a 9 USD rubber duck? Fuck no.
Spend $2 a month and most likely forget I am now subscribing to devRant++? Yeah, sure. Why not, right?

Seriously though, thank God for this platform, I'm luckily not the only one with struggles..

Today is my birthday and all I checked in was a blank space with the commit message: "fuck yeah, last year in my twenties"!

I think Matlab was only invented to fuck with people. Yeah, let's start indices with 1. Oh, and set copy and paste on Ctrl+W and and Alt+Y.
You didn't save your code? Too bad, the network went down and I lost the license.

Mate - whatcha doing ...
Me - oh just hacking nasa
Mate - seriously!? 😯😨
Me - OOOOh yeah I do it all the time see (shows similar photo)
Mate - don't hack me 😭
Me (in head) - you poor dumb fuck...
Me irl - I won't if you don't piss me off 😏

Just opened my laptop to see if I can upgrade my ram, and yes I can

And I've got space for a 2.5 drive as well!
Fuck yeah!

All I need is a 1080 inside of this :P
But I've just got a shitty built-in gpu...

My progression of learning git rebase:

Year 1: WTF just happened?! Where is my code?! *deletes and re-clones repo*

Year 2: Ok if I do it suuuper carefully I can get the other dev's one-line change into my branch...shit...shit...wait...fuck...oh lol it worked.

Year 3: Oh yeah let me organize my commits real quick. *drop pick pick squash reword pick fixup drop pick* *git push -f* 😎

Im learning python(it's my first real programming language) and I finally understood for loops.... yeeeey

Aye so i got a new job, and its android. I thought "yeah sure, ive been a java dev my whole life, it will be easy".

And it is easy.

But its like a fleshed out java, with a trillion built in classes and xml (seroiusly, fuck xml), and also the studio eats away my ram.

"iOS Development is easier"

Yeah, right? There's no dropdown, no checkbox, no radio button, no placeholder for multiline textfields, ...

Motherfck!

You have to manually do everything yourself and lay things out in their messy slow Xcode. Apple doesn't include important things only because they have randomly decided not to include them! Fuck this job.

Today i touched bash scripting. and i must sya its actually not as hard as everybody says it is. Friend said it was hard as fuck but i did loops, if, while and etc and it isnt that hard so far. Yeah sure hard stuff gonna be hard what the fuck do you expect ? I might actually continue on this little script.
Oh and yeah the script is for my school. We have a pretty good router in here it costs about 500$ and i played with it today. Created network scanner for my teacher to simplify the work.

Oh yeah that shouldn't take too long right? I mean it's just the front end.

No shut your fucking dumb ass mouth up. It will take long. The front end is very complicated, and your stupid fucking ass who couldn't learn to code is in no position to estimate how long it will take. Do us all a favor and stick to the "business" side. Fucking incompetent idiot.

If you're not a programmer, when it comes to estimating how long a task will take. Just shut the fuck up. Just cause you work in this industry does not qualify you to estimate a task. Just shut the fuck up.

When you are watching IIHF while programming and trying to create an algorithm for app when you see how players move and realized that you need to move the array as they move Fuck yeah it's working now
Fan of Slovakia.

People fucking think that working for a fucking startup is a fucking cake walk. Every person making 6 figure salaries but no one fucking wants to put in an effort to work slightly harder! Show up at 10 and leave a 4 and yeah v'll get funded. And the worst fucking part is no one wants to check something as simple as fucking work emails after work! Fucking get your acts together or just walk the fuck out the door.

I know work life balance is important but don't expect that when you know the company is treading harsh waters and needs everyone to get their shit together so we get funded!

No dev rant but... Yeah!! 6 MRIs and 2 CT Scans. Fuck my life.

Fuck yeah Article 13 is coming!

Got official announcement that power will be cut off and given in schedule. For many weeks.

Fuck, we are all just adult toodlers pretending to run businesses as a game. Right? So yeah, just fuck us.

GO AND FUCK YOURSELVES. MANY PEOPLE RANT ABOUT JOB HUBTING AND INSANE REQUIREMENTS. SO HERE IN SPAIN I'M SURE THE SITUATION IS WORSE. NO FUCKING JOBS. WHEN YOU FIND AN OFFER THAT DOESN'T MENTION PHP, JAVA OR COBOL OHH. YOU NEED TO BE A FUCKING WP, FULL STACK, ANDROID AND IOS DEVELOPER, A FUCKING SYSADMIN AND HAVE 99 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE. SO YOU CAN SAY: hey search a junior offer! YEAH SURE ONE SECOND. 4-15 FUCKING YEARS OF FUCKING EXPERIENCE. GO AND FUCK YOURSELVES AAAAH

Im thinking...
Overclock the laptop screen to 120hz or just buy a new screen thats 120hz and then overclock to 144hz or just go all in and buy 144hz screen.

HMMMM hard decision but i think you know what i will choose since im Haxk20.

Ouuu fuck yeah lets try overclocking it ffs !!!!!!!

Ya boi got a new vehicle. Its an SUV(cuz i got kids) a nissan murano 2017, maaaan this one is a good vehicle.

When I leave the truck on and I take the keys with me it makes this little beeping sound. And because I am weird I like to say: "ah, sentry mode"

I spent 10 years driving a Honda Civic. Not gon a lie, it was a really good car and it never gave me any issues. But it was starting to show its wear and tear and I didn't trust it for a long trip sort of deal.

Is this dev related? Fuck no, I was just fixing to be random and te y'all I got a new vehicle.

Texas

Today I tried medication (concerta 36mg) for my ADD for the first time in my life (im 26 years old).

Result is fuck yeah! I feel like a human being whos able to focus on shit. Im so jealous of normal people having a decent attention span and decent working memory.

When every ubuntu based distro fails, from kubuntu to xubuntu, lubunto, mint etc.

You will always have Linux Lite. How the fuck this thing manages to keep 2 vs code editors opened as well as firefox and chrome at the sime time while at 3.55g mem(according to htop) without fucking up?

Good engineering, das how. Kudos to my ninjas at the Linux Lite team. This is why I recommend this distro to anyone wanting to go Linux. Good for the beginner and the working professional alike(I use it for work)

FUCK YEAH!
I just managed to bruteforce my GPG key's password :D :D
I fucking love Python!

Hey winter do you know what ?
Winter: Heyyyy Im back!
Me: Yeah that sucks also fuck your fucking snow.
If anybody dont get it I FUCKING HATE SNOW.

FUCK YOU MS SQL!

DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT MAKING ME WRITE 60 FUCKING COLUMN NAMES BY HAND WILL STOP ME FROM COPYING AN ID?

Yeah it actually will but fuck you. I want to merge data and you make this work a pain in the ass.

Bunch of cunts.

ffmpeg...

I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!

I CAN JUST STACK THOSE FILTERS WITH NO RESTRICTIONS OVER AND OVER WITH DIFFERENT INPUTS AND OUTPUTS!!

Also: it fucking works with still images, AND IT’S FUCKING FAST!!

It’s around FOUR (4, DO YOU REALISE THE IMPROVEMENT) times faster to GAUSSIAN blur an image and then composite an image over it with ffmpeg, than to composite the image with imagemagick (no blurring)!!

Yeah sure it's super easy!
Step1: fuck you
Step2: repeat Step1 while(true)

So yeah today lappy was supposed to come back from repair. Yeah didn't happen as I'm writing this.
Service told me that laptop has been shipped to the shop last Tuesday. That's week ago and the shop still doesn't fucking have it !
When looking at service status it says it has been shipped indeed. Shop says its still in service. Well I trust the service cause the shop oh well. So I will call to the shop today and make a mess there I guess since 1 week is too long for courier transfer.
So a good reminder from this is: go to service and get it repaired there and fuck the shop since it takes loooooooong time.

Shit Project Managers say.. to my coworker when I'm not there :
"Hey do you think she's working hard enough ?..I don't know, she has only made 2 commits in the past week so.. "

Fortunately my coworker defended me and told me after but yeah.. As if you could measure efforts and work in development by counting lines of code, fuck-tard.

WHY THE FUCK AREN'T YOU WORKING OU PICE OF SHIT(that costs a fortune....)!?!?

Yeah... Hardware debugging is hard.

I'm building KNX devices, for my home automation system.

Tomorrow my father(HW engineer) will get here and help me(and most importantly bring tools), but this took half my day.
(Trying to connect up the busware pigator to the arduino)

!rant

Had a meeting with the head of my department concerning the status of many of our current projects. Them projects are huge and it is 2 dedicated devs(me and the lead) working on them whilst training our CMS admin in development to help out(dude is talented af and really digs programming) and my manager was so worried about what he was gonna say.

The thing is, she doesn't know how to take a break, she never pushes us, but she does push herself and it pains the team to see her take so much heat. She really is a bomb manager, and we want her to be more at ease.

Well a couple of days ago the vips of the board decided to bombard her with shit since out dptmnt head was on sick leave. The stress they put on her was some military grade bs and even then she never...EVER took it out on anyone.

The head of our department walked in to talk to us about it. Dude is a tall older gentleman, suits up every day(Texas style meaning cowboy boots and everything) and is quite imposing. Has a stern look man, one of them 1000 mile stares and a huge mustache that more than surpasses mine(which mind you, my mustache is fucking outstanding)

Our boss walked into the meeting room, sat down and heard what she had to say, she was not excusing herself. As bomb as this gorgeous woman is she was all about telling him what we were going to show the board on next week's meeting.

He sat there quietly listening to her as well as the presentation that me and my boys had to do.

What happened next blew me the fuck out of this world.

He said that he was sorry that so much stress had come down to her and us whilst he was gone and that he was happy with the leadership showcased by her and the initiative that the team took to put forward a presentation for him and the board. He also said that he was going to make said presentation for us since the vips had no business stressing us out, he asked for our assistance for any of the technical stats since even though he was a programmer he is not aware of all the inner details of our apps. He said that it is commendable that such a small team can hold 2 campus(college level) and that he was aware of the technical proficiency of me and the lead and that he knows that our shit is not something that gets done overnight.

He then said that at any given time that we get antagonized by matters such as timeframes or shit like that that we can direct everyone to him, regardless of what.

.He was also really amazed at the progress we showed him on the current projects(most are on their respective testing phases).
He then reiterated on how proud he is of all of us before biding us a good weekend and leaving to his office

As i sat there watching how the world was lifted from my manager and happy that he enjoyed the progress of my work I could not help but feel a deep sense of admiration and respect for this mysterious man.

I would damn skippy take a bullet for him....just in case my draw gets sloppy that is, ain't no one taking aim at the boss.

1) Heck yeah, great idea
2) Sit like 60 minutes there thinking about a name for the project
3) Build the basics
4) ..meh fuck it

"I won't use javascript for this webapp where we don't use anything server-side, because I've been using php for everything"

Yeah fuck you

New Monitor,
Windows Updates

I'm migrating data from an old software to a new one I wrote.

Old database it's in Access (yeah, fuck). When I opened one table, the VM hung up and I opened the task manager on MADE

What.The.Fuck.Are.You.Doing?

Just browsing job postings for fun, see a junior developer posting I thought I would read.

Requirment:
Previous experience as a Web Developer (18 months +)

Who would this role suit:
Graduate Web Developer

Yeah fuck off...

Other dev: fuck you, your code can't handle null as input
Me: yeah, because it's kotlin. It's like I added @NotNull, so?...
Other dev: fuck kotlin
Me: fuck you and your nullpointers. Don't pass my precious constructor that crap!

Everyone come and brutally fuck and kill me for today I have sinned.

My SO asked me to buy a durian cake and I did. I am saving myself from taking a cab since the locations are a bit far off. So yeah 😥

I'm that guy on a public commute with a fuck load of smell package. 😭

I wish I can apologize to everyone on bus 😓

-six months ago-
"Yo! Let's learn a web framework and build some sick apps!"
"Fuck yeah!"

-yesterday-
"Yo! Should we start doing that thing we talked about?"
"Fuck yeah!"

You know those days you have at work where you just want to shout “Fuck it” as loud as you can and just walk out ..... yeah it was that kinda day 😡

Just got my first internship using Angular 1 today. Oh yeah, I’ve never in my life touched Angular. Fuck (:

Second place when searching "devrant docs". Fuck yeah!

Just been hired as a mid level developer for an IoT company. With considerable benefits and pay increase!

YES!!

Fuck yeah, it works!

Lightdm doesn't however, so I have something to do...

!rant

They are finally here! Cheers from Greece!

Raining outside, the office all to myself. The entire building is empty and here I am jamming to Volbeat while I finish some stuff for monday.

It sounds as If i am complaining, but I am not, i love this me time that I get at the end of every Friday (we leave at 12 but I stay about 3 hours extra to fuck around)

I love this shit. Boss got us pizza yesterday and there is still some left.

And i got some tobacco with me . This is some good shit my dudes. Good shit

Fire your whole fucking web team Bethesda

* Your design is a classic ipecac. Whatever the fuck you are doing doesn't in frontend doesn't justify the 4Mb of bandwidth I wasted on a single js file. Why the fuck can I see the whole fucking node_modules directory when looking at the sources?
I know this is supposed to be a webpage for a game development studio, but I'm seriously wondering if your budget would even get me a prostitute.
I'm a greedy fuck and want a free game. apparently your servers are only good enough to register me, but login is apparently too much to ask for. Yeah sure. Oh and also thank you for choosing an "incorrect username and password" error message by default, even though your fucking gateway timed out. Please be kind enough and punch me directly into my face next time. Not like I'll ever access that shit ever again

FUCK YOU PHP, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU GIVE ME DECEMBER 1ST WHEN I DO
strtotime('-1 month', '12/31/2015)
USING DateTime PRODUCES THE SAME FUCKING RESULT. ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED OR WHAT?
YEAH I KNOW NOVEMBER DOESN'T HAVE 31ST BUT YOU COULD AT LEAST RETURN 30TH OR EVEN RAISE A WARNING, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.

You know what, let me jump in on the "I hate PHP" bandwagon.

A couple months ago I upgraded my mail servers unattended. Roundcube got fucked for a couple of months, and I figured.. fuck it, I can still use Dovecot for authenticating with desktop mail clients like K-9.
Recently I unfucked it, turns out that it was an issue with the sock file in php-fpm. That's also when I noticed that PHP apparently hardcodes in its current version in the bloody socket file. Because why the fuck wouldn't you? It makes upgrades so much fucking easier!!! Said no fucking sysadmin ever!!!

And today I upgraded one of my mail servers to Ubuntu Server 18.04, finally, after a lot of hesitation. Bad decision, because now PHP got fucked YET AGAIN.
Again an issue with socket files? I have no fucking idea. systemctl shows no failed services (because you know PHP, why would you fail your service with an error message instead of throwing a meaningless 502 Bad Gateway, right?!!) and looking at the config files, well the socket file got its new php-fpm 7.2 file (still got the fucking version number hardcoded in) and thus I changed that socket file location in /etc/php/7.0...

devRant may just have been my rubber duck.

WHY THE FUCK DO YOU STINKING FUCKING PILE OF SHIT CALLED FUCKING PHP KEEP THE FUCKING 7.0 DIRECTORY OUT THERE WHEN YOU'VE UPGRADED, WITHOUT EVEN HAVING THE FUCKING BALLS TO RENAME THE MOTHERFUCKING DIRECTORY TO 7.2, IF YOU'RE GOING TO HARDCODE IN YOUR VERSION NUMBERS ANYWAY?!!!!!

Bloody fucking pile of fucking junk!!!!

Rejoice! The internet isn't dying after all!

DOOM for 7€ ? Ouuu yeah. Downloading and well fuck i run over the 100GB limit ISP set. Then i realized its sunday and limit will reset on monday but i want to play now fuuuuuckkkkkkkk. I really need better ISP cause this shit really sucks. 100GB is nothing for me. Thats 2 android sources with shallow. But i cant switch because of 2 years of license with them. This is fucked up.

Fucking hell i was wondering why my laptop is sometimes slow.
I mean low FPS in some games etc.
Acer was thinking that putting Single channel 2400Mhz CL22 RAM is a good idea.
FUCK YOU
This ram is a litteral piece of shit !!!!!!
Going to get CL14 RAM in dual channel and 16Gb
Oh yeah.
From what i read this is a huge fucking jump in FPS.
Like 30 fps jump
Im not even wondering about it since CL22 is just complete garbage.

So ... We have this century old , "respectable" government postal service that delivers and is the standard postal service on the country...

You buy something online and they send with it... 2 weeks...
You buy something online and they use private service... 1 day...

Yeah, fuck you too.

>50$ for a display driver

yeah fuck you i'll solder

So this dubass left our company but convinced my boss to migrate our new stuff stack to react+firebase...

Already distributing my resume...

Fuck-a-doodle-do Fuck Fuck Fuck what a fucking dipshit. Scared the god damn shit out of me.

So I am deep in code, listening to my music pounding out some code and Drupal configurations and I feel a shadowy draft over my right side like someone is watching me.

I work with a guy that will not for the fucking life of me use Slack to send me a message when I have my headphones on or at all for that matter.

He gets up and walks to my cubicle and just stares with a goofy fucking grin on his face. You know the one. LIke a retarded fucking dog eating shit out of a wire brush. Yeah that's the grin. Silently derping with his fucking derp ass Derp McDerpington face waiting on you to turn around an notice him there instead of knocking on the cubicle wall or waving to get your attention.

The FUCK dude? CreepyPasta

Created my own algorithm which converts decimal number into binary. I feel like genius.

So like... did every social media app meet up and go
"yo!
Ordering notifications and timelines chronologically in a way that makes sense?
Yeah mate, fuck it!"?

Just finished setting up PiHole on my RaspberryPi.... no more adblock extensions with shitty performance... no more custom hosts files... and network level adblocking for all devices...
FUCK YEAH

oh, and I added so many lists that it now blocks about 350k domains (ads and malware)

Today was a good day.. time to hibernate...

I am making an LDAP user manager and porting application for my workplace.

The thing is, i made the first version of it in PHP already. Shit works fine and it without an issue.

But

I had an itch to redesign it using another tech stack that would be speedier, more tested and using a more established platform.

Enter Clojure, a Lisp dialect for the JVM. In a single day I managed to get 80% of the application done. We have about 80k users inside of our ldap system(maybe more) and I tested it with 150 accounts, so far so good.

If this works I will be the first person to deploy a Clojure application, not only for my organization, but for the city as a whole while simultaneously being able to say that I got a Lisp app deployed and working :D

I am loving this. Really wanna have a Lisp app out there and add it to my resume.

The head of my department, an old timer and really ancient dev smiled heavily when I showed him the codebase. Not only is it minimal, it is concise and elegant :D

I love Clojure

And Texas

WooHoo, lets miss this deadline, fuck yeah!!!

Has 20 tasks last week monday, had 50 Wednesday and 51 Friday, as of today we have finished 1.5 and deadline is in 6 day, and shit is STILL changing. Fuck YEAH!!!

Just another day at the office:
Boss: you need to leave early today because I am upgrading and reconfiguring the servers.
Me: ok, what happens if you fuck it up?
Boss: we lose all of our work
Me: but it's backed up right?
Boss: yeah, I think so
Me: ...ok, see ya tomorrow
1hr later
Text from boss: oops...

!rant

The AH-MAZ-ING feeling you get when you write 200 lines of code without compiling and everything just works as planned!!!

YAY!

So my time saver automation can not be used because automation is not reliable.

Yeah sure make me extract data manually from 800 urls by hand and see if there is no human error.

Fuck my life.

That second attempt turn when your phone doesn't detect being horizontal? Yeah, fuck that.

(most of the) Medium authors all suck fucking dick. Those fuckers are the reason the internet needs an IQ lock.

Stats about React vs Angular vs Vue.

Yeah of course let's compare search count of React vs Vue vs Angular but Vue must be searched with ".js" appended. NOT A SINGLE FUCK ADDS .JS WHEN SEARCHING FOR VUE.

Left: stats from article
Right: stats, if you use google trends correctly

every fucking time I use Javascript.
(yes, I'm no expert, but I can pick up ANY LANGUAGE and do this task in FIVE FUCKING MINUTES, NOT AN HOUR!!! FUCK!)

"Gee, I think this button should probably list the total recipients of the mailing, looks like I have to get the total of a column in an object, no problem, hell, i'll do it frontside just for the fuck of it'

yeah, seemed like a good idea.. AN HOUR AGO

ARRRGGGH

fucking javascript scope can take a flying leap off of a tall building, and then NOT FALL to the fucking ground because it will fucking tell me that OOPS gravity doesn't exist for javascript!
UNCAUGHT REFERENCE ERROR
right?
FUCK YOU
die from gravity like you deserve motherfucker

Ouuuuuu fuck yeah.
Its time for latest fucking gnome.
Boy it feels smooth now.
Still not there fully yet but its getting there.