My conversation with my wife today, while I was at work:

Wife: The wifi isn't working.
Me: What's it doing?
W: Not working
Me: Try turning it off an on again.
.
.
.
Me: Is your phone on LTE? Or is it connected to wifi and the internet isn't working?
W: LTE. Aubrey (my wife's sister) said she turned it off and nothing happened.
Me: did she turn it back on?
W: Do you really want me to answer that?
Me: Just making sure. What lights are on on the router?
W: (Sends me a picture of the router with no lights on)
Me:...
W: Oh it isn't even plugged in
Me:...
W (after a couple minutes): Its working now!

YES I REALLY WANT YOU TO ANSWER IF YOU TURNED IT BACK ON!

So we hired a part time sales lady to work in our office. She sits right inside the entry to our area. Each morning I am amazed that I can make it to my desk without passing out. All I can think is this:

Putting headphones on and being left alone

!rant

As seen on a marquee:

Tetris taught me that when you try to fit in, you will disappear.

#stayweird

There would be no error if you didn't try to tell me there is an error. Recursion

We have a Miro collaborative whiteboard where product managers map functionality and user flows.

It currently has 89442 post-its & arrows.

I don't understand people who watch football at all... Yesterday at around 4pm France time, France was playing against Denmark I think, so my boss had the brilliant idea of making some kind of party so everyone in the company would watch that. He brought beer, make up, food and so on.

Guess what, pretty much all my coworkers stopped working on their programming projects and went to watch it, I was the only one who stayed in my office and worked on my project, yeah, i'd rather finish my PHP project than watch a bunch of brainlets running after a ball.

Boss was nice enough to bring me a drink though lol

I have noticed on here, there is a direct correlation between the number of swear words in a post and that posts ++ count. As a programmer who doesn't swear (I know, "just give it a few years" or "YOUR NOT A REAL PROGRAMMER!!" [side note, I also don't drink coffee]), I guess my ++ counter will only ever be allocated 1 byte...

When the toilet paper tries to be nice with you after coding 😁

Being that none of my family or friends code, it is nice to be here with others who are nerdy. What a great place

Can't tell if that is our burn-down chart or the PM got drunk and played with an etch-a-sketch

After working for this company for only a couple years, I was tasked with designing and implementing the entire system for credit card encryption and storage and token management. I got it done, got it working, spent all day Sunday updating our system and updating the encryption on our existing data, then released it.

It wasn't long into Monday before we started getting calls from our clients not being able to void or credit payments once they had processed. Looking through the logs, I found the problem was tokens were getting crossed between companies, resulting in the wrong companies getting the wrong tokens. I was terrified. Fortunately I had including safe guards tying each token to a specific company, so they were not able to process the wrong cards. We fixed it that night.

My super power?

"git revert" for real life

Sorry for breaking the protocol, but I'm not here to rant. I want to thanks all the ranters (is that a thing now?) for recommending Mr. Robot (the TV series). Just watched the first episode and I can see myself watching it all day. Be back tomorrow.

Big ++ from UK 🇬🇧 (not EU 🇪🇺 anymore though, sorry)! ☺

brain storming about system design on miro board

at the beginning, all devs add components they think that might be relevant for the system.

PM heavily moves everything around, deletes or changes meaning of added boxes without asking. after five minutes, he is the only one using the board, rest of the team is just watching.
PM: come on, guys. don't just sit and watch, you can also participate.

besides that, the resulting system in the end was complete garbage.

Phew! I'm so happy that I can use dial-up Internet connection just by connecting my laptop to this telephone! Who would have imagined I was going to be using such advanced technology in a 4* hotel in Germany! Such an improvement from the amazing 450kb/s on the free WiFi.

One of the best things here is learning from other people's mistake!

Standup 50 minutes long and still going strong. Already planned and designed a layout for a new project. Now onto useless babbling and small talk.

How much trouble would you be if your boss finds out your username?

2nd year programming professionally I designed, coded, and released a PCI compliant credit card encryption system, including updating all 7 million records (at the time) in our existing database to utilize the new system. By some miracle, it worked with only one small hiccup (see previous rant).

Why the hell does enterprise software get away with not having basic, logical, functionality?!

A hierarchical page structure should allow you to name multiple pages the same as long as they're under different parents.

Every FREE documentation platform understands this, yet atlassian fucking confluence can't figure it out.

I learned basic, Visual Basic and java in high school, then one year of college studying c++. I really hate c++ and swore I would never become a programmer. After that one year of college, I spent two years out of the country with no computer usage at all. Then 4 years working at a grocery store.
Then my friend told me about an opening at his work place for a java programmer. This was 7 years since doing java and 6 years since I had programmed anything at all. But I applied and interviewed. When asked about databases, I said “I know a little Microsoft Access.” Had no idea what relational databases were, never heard of php, but by some miracle they hired me anyways. Still working for them 6 years later, now an experienced java, php, MySQL, front end developer.
Still have no idea why they saw fit to hire me.

I am here late on a freaking Friday night before a holiday weekend doing some stupid conversion for a company. They have to have it done before Monday ( the holiday) as they plan to go live then.

Did I mention that they asked for this 2 days ago? I had to write the entire system to upload their batch of accounts into our system and return to them the corresponding new accounts. In 2 STUPID DAYS! Not to mention nobody was here to code review it today, so I had to run over it with one of the it guys before merging it myself.

Good thing I didn’t have a conference tonight that I paid money to go to. Oh wait, I do. Luckily it only started 2 hours ago so I might just make the final keynote, if I am lucky.

How long until people start complaining about reposts?

Don't think we have had a standup shorter than 45 minutes in the past 6 months. Maybe someone needs put tacks on the chairs in the standup room...

Looked at an old vb project of mine today

Option strict on
....
:S

Let's just leave it off

They bought and killed the awwapp.com

And now they demand I paid $200 for their crappy UX, for a battleship-level-software when all I really want is smth lightweight, simple and nimble, like draw.io.

I think I was never this satisfied pressing the "cancel subscription" button.

Fuck you, Miro!
Give us back the AWW!!!

"The works must be conceived with fire in the soul, but executed with clinical coolness." - Joan Miro

So I’m currently in my senior year at high-school, striving to get my Technical High-School degree.
My specialization is “System Programming”. I wish we studied something at school related to it ...
Long story short~
I’m going to my finals for this semester : We had to create a traffic light program, coded in C++.
Greatest thing was - WELL WE HAD TO WRITE OUR CODE ON PIECE OF A PAPER 🙂🙃.

So I’m thinking ... Shall I add “I’m so good that I can program piece of a paper “ in my resume ?

#GreatEducation!

Gotta love it when our git server is down and no one is here to fix it

That one time I got the procedurally generated and fully destructible (including toppling over if half is destroyed) buildings programmed and working for the first game I worked on

When I typed my first lisp code.
Excessive humbling

Comment in our code, followed by 3 identical SQL queries with only the table name different (Admin, regular user, old regular user).
Then we duplicated the entire project as it being a contract first webservice prevented us from changing it's signature to accommodate the needs of a new application.

Was gonna talk to my PM today about stand ups going long, but then standup lasted right through our scheduled meeting. Feels cyclical.

Standing here in standup. It’s been 30 minutes. At least we are almost half done... can we just not do this every freaking day?

I've seen a lot a of rate regards WordPress. I understand that if the client doesn't need a CMS WordPress is not relevant, but is there any overall better CMS then?

It's lovely when your corporate application starts having problems sending mail through google, so you fallback to your onsite mail server, only to learn it is nothing more than a pass through to your gmail account.
Not only that, but it isn't secured at all, so spam bots have been sending millions of spam emails through it, leading to your google account being blacklisted which caused the email problems in the first place. Yay!

Spend all day trying to connect to my online database remotely just to realise there is currently a bug with IP wildcards on MySQL and I gave to add every ip that needs to connect to it manually. What if it's a dynamic ip? Have to add the new one everytime it refreshes. Seriously?!

What's the best tool to convert vid to HTML5 (Mp4 + WebM + Ogv) and keep good ratio between Size & Quality ?

I have a 1min lenght vid in FullHD. This is a demo reel that loop in fullscreen at the first website launch.

I tried Miro converter, Freemake and can't reduce files under 15Mb without obtain poor vid quality. It's seems too heavy for a website.

Do you have any tips ? A tool to convert vids, an online service to upload the vid and use it instead of using HTML5 video tag.

Thanks

Why do I keep hearing this tune in my head?

You shoot me down but I won't fall,
I am.... AURELIA!!