Join devRant
Do all the things like
++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatar
Sign Up
Pipeless API
From the creators of devRant, Pipeless lets you power real-time personalized recommendations and activity feeds using a simple API
Learn More
-
@Devintrix , congrats and happy lifes with your wife. this joke is for you :)
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began running unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as PokerNight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Monday Night football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but un-install does not work on this program.
Can you help me please?
Thanks,
Joe
——————————————————–
Dear Joe:
This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a “UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT” program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything.
It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.
I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1, Jewelry 2.2, and Chocolates 5.0.
Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support11 -
Four months ago changed a laptop failing hdd and give it back to customer. Today I got a 30 minutes call because the computer "is not like before the repair, it doesn't work well".
*Thinks* Well, s#*@, before the repair the hdd had more than 2000 damaged clusters, which prevented even the os to start
*Says* "Could you describe me the issue?"
....
...
[ basically he was saying that since he started using IE as a browser, he didn't have Google.com set as the first page and that he had to bing it]
...
"When did the 'issue' start, If I may ask?"
>"Two weeks ago. "
Two weeks ago.
Two f*""#ng weeks ago.
Set aside for the nature of the issue, you blame my four months ago repair for a two weeks ago issue?
"The computer was better before"?
THAT F###ING MACHINE WAS LIKE A BURNING HOUSE - I RESCUED DATA FOR 2 DAYS JUST BEFORE THE HDD STARTED TO CRANK AT EVERY SPIN - I REBUILT IT TO GIVE IT YOU BACK FULLY WORKING AFTER YOU USED AS A FOOTBALL, AND NOW YOU BLAME ME BECAUSE THE
BROWSER ISN'T SETTED AS YOU LIKE
No,seriously, is like I rebuilt a burned house from scrap and now the owner blames me because in the kitchen sink the hot water tap is on the right side instead of the left side.
Seriusly, wtf.6 -
Guys, I've been thinking.
When I get married I'm gonna make my partner agree to terms of service and my privacy policy instead of the lame wedding vows 😛
Instead of 'I do', it'll be 'I agree'.
Should also probably make him sign an NDA incase things go south.
Edit:
Also, probably a code of bathroom conduct. (I just remembered that football while peeing rant)31 -
When you are on location (football stadium in this case) and you realize that some part of the algorithm isn't working quite right.
We are building a webapp for a little bet-game for our local football team and today was the first live test. I fixed the way the points are calculated in the half-time break.
You can edit code on mobile on gitlab. Doesn't mean you should, but you could. And I did.
26 -
Why are Americans so stupid?
Date format: MM/dd/YY => what is this? It‘s not even in order
Length Units: Inch, Feet, Yard, Mile => good luck trying to convert in in a hurry without a calculator
Cooking recipes: cups, tablespoons, pinches => land of the freedom, especially for measurement errors
Temperature: Fahrenheit. => some dude who thought, „oh this is really hot, lets mark it 100“ and the other day „oh this is really cold, I got the 0 mark, sciene“
Weight: ounces ~ 28.34952 g, ton ~ maybe 907.xx kg, it depends
Time: Americans think the week starts on sunday, so they assume it does so for everyone else (f*** you american developer, designer, I mean you)
Football is football. Everywhere. In. The. World.
Politics: Trump, Weapons, health system, worker rights, ...
God, I hate America and their bs.30 -
Back in my teenage , a friend of mine asked me «Can you make me a software that guesses the result of a football match ?» I said «Sure, but you have to tell me how to calculate the chances of a team»
«Yeah, use the previous performances in the league»
«Ok, but you have to tell me how to calculate the expected result using previous performances» He laughed at me and said «If i knew how to calculate chances of winning/losing, i would not need a software!»
I tried to explain it simply «Computers can execute basic operations like sums or subtractions, and they know how to follow a list of basic instructions to give you a result»
He looked me like «If computers are so stupid like you are telling me now, are we all crazy idiots trying to learn how to use stupid machines??» and stated that i obviously misunderstood the real power of a computer. I walked back home thinking how funny was my friend believing in some kind of magic inside box called pc.
Few years later, i start studying IT at university. In the free time i look for small jobs like website development, small office network setup, pcs repair.
I continue noticing people believing that pcs knows what to do and how to do it.
«You sure I lost my data ? No i didn't do a backup. You sure my pc didn't do a backup ? No i hadn't a backup software»
«Why antivirus asks me what to do with the viruses it found. It should delete them obviously! Change my antivirus, it's too stupid for my pc»
«I want more people finding my business thanks to my website. How I imagine my website ? Yeah it has to be cool and full of cool stuff»
All that boring stories leads to my final question :
is our job dealing with persons who think we are some kind of wizard, well learned about dominating the pc magic ?
Please answer no.Please.14 -
The face you make when you're daughter takes your squishy ball and you're forced to make a devRant football instead.
8 -
Today's work activities:
Playing football with a gymnastic ball (those big ass things you can sit on) with a colleague at the office and playing mobile games 😊
Oh yeah, also had a special beer!11 -
We've been trying to hire a greenhorn, fresh-faced intern from India for like a month now.
Plenty of applicants, most with very nice curriculums, a few even can think on their feet while grilled by my questions.
I've sent to talk to HR three almost college-graduating candidates, who convinced me they know the subject of data engineering enough to be working with me and that they are actually gonna do the tasks assigned.
The fucking tweep at HR, an old fart who I had to convince that HVAC maintenance is not the job of the IT department nor the data team, calls my approved candidates "too junior".
WTF, I ask. - "Not professional enough", says the human toad.
Yes, they are to be interns! - "But they do not show professionalism", answered the hag.
Yes they do! They were very professional on the interviews! - "That is for me to say!" barked the reptile.
A week pass by while I try to find more just as good candidates who are also "more professional" when the hag has the audacity to say "here, I found someone. He knows everything about computer things and is very professional".
I took like 20 seconds to find out that the kid she'd given my number to, and was now messaging me IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING NIGHT, was her niece's fiancee and wasn't even in uni! He was just a high school graduate!
Seriously, nepotism kids, delete your Instagrams, tiktoks and every single piece of social media.
I scaled the issue to my VP, who contacted the HR VP for India, who gave the worst possible excuse for her behaviour: "She knows nothing about computer things!" for what my own boss said "so why was she assigned to oversee the data team's new hires?!". The HR slug mumbled something and then doubled down with "well, the kids you sent her were all girls! she had never hired a girl to a technical position, she wouldn't know what to look for in an interview!"
What. The. Fuck.
My boss, my VP of a very strategic technical area, happens to be a woman who lives in a place where women's rights are for real. I had *never* heard she swear on a non-football-related context. She did. Loudly. On camera. As if the HR boss was a referee who just disallowed a goal for her team due to an very ambiguous forward pass.
Shit is still flowing, but it seems that the hiring process of the entire company is being restructured because of that.
I guess I've just sped up this process in about one hundred years?9 -
Best part of working from home? Oh boy, here I go
1. NO COMMUTE !! Fuck public transport. I can just grab my laptop straight to my bed, get comfortable and work in whatever posture I wish to.
2. Relaxation and peace of mind. The local park, library, football ground. I can go anywhere to get work done. All I need is my phone and laptop.
3. Better food - I can cook my own food. Dieting actually works by eating home-made food and not the fried bullshit we eat outside.
4. No office politics - Remote working means you don't have to think about being a circle and getting liked or not. Get your work done and that's it.
5. No "Extra" Activities - We all know HRs are just bored af people making employees have "fun" activities just to push a "culture" agenda on LinkedIn. Umm no thanks.
6. No toxicity - Well, this one is a doozie, you don't get workplace toxicity but you do get home toxicity. People assuming that you stay in ur room all day and do nothing. I'd still take home toxicity though.
7. If there is no work, I don't have to pretend that I am working and hiding my screen from my boss. I can just play video games in that time.
8. Option to start a side-hustle. You have more chances to retain some energy after your shift to start investing/putting time into something that can make you extra cash.
9. Worldwide opportunities - Because of WFH, I work with clients from Netherlands, Estonia, London and Cayman Islands. It never would have happened if I was in an office job.
10. Only work, no extra bullshit - be it smoke breaks, casual tea, conferences, work summits etc. None of that and I don't want it.
11. Your errands get done - Need to go to the dentist at 10 am? You can do that. Need to pick up your kid at 3 pm? You can do that. You need 5 pm time dedicated to go the gym? You can do that.
In conclusion, I absolutely vouch for WFH and would never take WFO for as long as possible.
WFH FTW !!!9 -
I don't understand people who watch football at all... Yesterday at around 4pm France time, France was playing against Denmark I think, so my boss had the brilliant idea of making some kind of party so everyone in the company would watch that. He brought beer, make up, food and so on.
Guess what, pretty much all my coworkers stopped working on their programming projects and went to watch it, I was the only one who stayed in my office and worked on my project, yeah, i'd rather finish my PHP project than watch a bunch of brainlets running after a ball.
Boss was nice enough to bring me a drink though lol14 -
!Dev
Can't stand it when you excitedly mention the Mars rover (or anything space related) to someone and they say "Yeah but what's the point you could be feeding the poor or sorting out the environment with that money instead"
...yeah, you could. Or you could be doing that with money from the army instead. Or football. Or any other popular sport. Or yaknow, you could personally be doing that rather than spending all your salary on crappy clothes you're going to throw away in a few months anyway.
And that's not even mentioning the jobs it creates, the people it inspires to go into science + tech fields, the scientific advances it makes for humanity, etc. If you're that against scientific advancement then please, by all means surrender your possessions and just go live in a cave somewhere.6 -
hmm let's see
>atheist propaganda during lunch time
>fascist propaganda during lunch time
>praising the rival of the football team boss supports
>suggesting we should drink alcohol in work hours
>teaching minecraft to boss' son
>talking bad about star wars VII even though boss liked it6 -
I’ve been programming with other languages than Python for so long that when I finally had to pick up Python to help teach my friend some python I felt like I was rediscovering a past life.
With Python I feel like King Fucking Arthur with the Holy Blade Excalibur, armored up and ready for fucking war.
When I’m writing a script I feel like I’m parrying and piercing my blade straight through that fuckers chest and slam them into the fucking ground. And leave their bleeding out cold dying body on the fucking ground with no hope in their eyes.
Although when an indentation error occurs I feel like I just fucking tripped over a fucking pebble and apparently stairs were nearby and I bash my head on all 1024 steps, get to the bottom to just to get some fucking Java Chad punt my fucking head like a fucking football screaming random reasons to not use python.8 -
Reminder to look after yourselves.
Today I found out I've had hypertension and possibly an unruptured aneurysm. Resulting from stress at work and home, overworking and bad diet from having to keep my engery up for work. (over the last around 2-3 years).
Luckly I've moved away from stressful situations now so I'm feeling like I've dodged a rather large bullet!
Look after yourselves guys, take breaks, check your caffeine, sugar and cholesterol intakes and keep active! I reckon the 6 days a week football training saved my life!
hypertension is a silent killer and can cause fatal damage to your organs such as kidneys, lungs, eyes, brain and heart.
Luckly it spotted it early with a blood test and optician visit. I had a hemorrhage in one of my eyes but wasn't until 6 months later GP noticed signs of kidney damage from my blood test it was found!
I should be fine but look after yourselves! You're more important than that deadline!7 -
So, I found this :
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, HuntingAndFishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks ...Troubled User
-------
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 installed and work on improving the configuration. I suggest installing the background application YesDear 99.0 to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to do this before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as CleanAndSweep 3.0, CookIt 1.5 and DoBills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0, but beware because sometimes these applications can be expensive.
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
WARNING!!! Attempting to install NewGirlFriend 8.8 along with Wife 1.0 will crash the system.
(see Wife 1.0 manual, Apologize, High Maintenance & Secretary with Short Skirt)7 -
I am talking about my class'mates'
How about moving the chairs under the tables when you leave the classroom.
It's just a sign of decency which none of you seem to have.
Oh and hitting someone isn't fun either, or playing football with their book.12 -
Funniest meeting ever!
Some years ago, there was the regular department meeting where useless news from upper management were handed down. The team I was in was also there: team lead, co-worker and me. The team lead had a new girl and was daydreaming of their nights, my co-worker wasn't quite back from the football match on the weekend, and I was playing chess on my mobile.
Department lead was blah blah blah and when can we do this on your rig? We looked at each other and instantly realised that none had been paying attention.
My co-worker was the fastest to recover and straight-facedly turned to me: "Well Fast-Nop, that's your domain."
I picked the ball up before team lead could say something: "Sure, but schedule appointment is for our lead."
Our lead couldn't contradict us and then had to negotiate a schedule while trying to find out what it was about. *LOL*2 -
Awesome, first paying gig and I get to build a site for a local school system!
Superintendent and 3 network admins at the stakeholder meeting to approve the design?
Wait, you don't want the school colors, but ones from your favorite football team?
Seriously? Blinking police light line art bookending the alert block?
You.... Want my design as a Dreamweaver template?
I'm just going to go sit in a corner and cry now...3 -
Helpful message midway through watching the football match... Always at an important moment... Must be coded to display when the commentator gets excited.
1 -
Meet my new friend Bert.
Bert is nice. He is into football and he is a good listener. Guess we will become best friends ♥️
5 -
!dev
Fuck my broken brain. I’ve been taking various meds for depression/ptsd for 11 years, and just when you think you’re making progress it comes back and takes a nice big shit in your slippers.
I Referee grass roots football (soccer) on the weekends, and I’ve been out with an injury. I should have been reffing a women’s game this afternoon but my damaged brain has other ideas.
Sometimes I just want to scream fuck it all and move to the woods to become a full time spoon whittler7 -
I think I'm not as socially awkward as I once believed. I realize I just have nothing in common with the majority of people.
I don't watch sports, I don't care about cars, or fantasy football, or have any hobbies non-developers would find interesting.
If you want to talk about software patterns, finite automaton, Lua/C APIs, etc, then fuck yeah I'll talk to you all day long.5 -
I get about 4-5 hours sleep. Like today: I went to work, made my lunch at work, got changed for football, played football from 7-9pm got home at 9:30, cooked, ate, showered and dried my hair and it's now 1am.
Tomorrow I got football training for another team so again I'll be getting into be at about 1am.
Also I forgot go mention ive got to get up at 6 for work And Friday I have to be at the doctors for 7. Yeyyyyy me!!! Don't even ask me about the weekend...
I feel like this classifies as a rant because I don't get to code at the weekends and it kills me 😡😡 especially when I want to contribute to certain packages and said I would. So fuck you social life. Fuck. You.
Ohhh and those fucking 'friends' that guilt trip you into seeing them because "you haven't seen me in ages 😢😢" there's a reason for that Barbra (keeping her identity secret) I'm fucking depressed and tired. Fuck the fuck right off.8 -
Security startup...
'Which football team do you support?'
'Not sure how that is relevant.'
'It is very relevant'15 -
CSS :
- In my country : name of a football club
- In the rest of the world : cascading style sheets5 -
I hate social media because I have to keep it in one way or the other (don't ask)
As such, I have to deal with multiple bullshit that I read from people.
The trust fund baby with a daddy selected job posting images on him on Cancun "lIfe Is To Be EnjOyeD, go AhEaD trAvEl" <--- bitch I work. I am happy that you enjoy shit but fuck me man have some sense of reality.
Many more shit like that, plus, it is a pandemic fuckhead, chill the fuck out.
The retarded veteran that continues to cry about a football player kneeling on a football match.....even though he was told by a fucking ex Special Forces to take a knee in peaceful protest.
Mexican adults talking about American politics.....dude you live in FUCKING MEXICO your fucking president is a national MEME
the list continues, I hate social media.19 -
So the football world-cup tip app I'm using with some mates got hit by a DDoS attack yesterday.
The only question I have is who the FUCK DDoS'es a motherfucking tip-app?! What the hell is there to gain?! It doesn't even involve money, just tipping for the hell of it!1 -
To all the Java Teams that died during the fucking Mobile Civil War, We salute you!
1. Millionaire 2011
2. Splinter Cell: Double Agent
3. Dragon Ball Z Saiyan Fighters
4. Moto Girls
5. 24 Special Ops
6. Thor: The Dark World
7. Kung Fu Panda
8. Worms 2011: Armageddon
9. Asphalt 4: Elite Racing
10. Resident Evil - The Missions
11. Ghost Recon: Future Soldier
12. Spider-Man 3
13. Need for Speed - Undercover 3D
14. Contra 4
15. Rambo on Fire
16. Fast and Furious 6
17. Counter Strike 3D
18. Men in Black 3
19. X–Men Origins: Wolverine
20. WWE Legends of Wrestlemania 3D
21. 3D Fight Night: Round 4
22. 3D Ultimate Rally Championships
23. Assassin's Creed
24. Zuma
24. Die Hard 4
25. 3D WWE Smackdown Vs RAW 2009
26. Prince of Persia 3: The Two Thrones
27. 3D Fight Night: Round 3
28. Super Mario Bros
29. Bruce Lee - Iron Fist 3D
30. Naruto Adventure: A New Apprentice
31. FIFA 2011
32. James Cameron's Avatar
33. Racing 2: The Real Car Experience
34. King Kong
35. Gangstar City
36. Iron Man 3
37. XIII 2: Covert Identity
38. 4x4 Extreme Rally 3D
39. Real Football Manager 2013
40. Splinter Cell: Conviction
41. 2008 Real Football 3D
42. Assassin's Creed 2
43. Hummer 3D
44. American Gangster
45. Real Football 2009
46. 3D Football: Real Madrid 2010
47. Xtreme Dirt Bike
48. Tekken Mobile
49. A Good Day to Die Hard
50. The Amazing Spider-Man 2
51. Asphalt 3: Street Rules 3D
52. GTA IV Mobile
53. 3D Contr Terrorism
54. Real Football 2015
55. The Amazing Spider-Man
56. Contra 4 (2009)
57. Mortal Kombat 3D
58. Bad Girls
59. Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood
60. Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit 3D
61. God of War
62. PES 2009 (Pro Evolution Soccer)
63. Ultimate Street Football
64. Assassin's Creed: Revelations
65. Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands
66. 3D Super taxi driver
67. Gangstar 2: Kings of LA
68. Asphalt 6: Adrenaline
69. Assassin's Creed III
70. Danger Dash
71. Real Football 2014
72. Gangstar - Crime City
73. Gangstar 3: Miami Vindication
74. Modern Combat 4: Zero Hour
75. Zuma's Revenge!
We know you guys did your best but the world is a fucking shit hole. We still remember your hard work!
76. Mission Impossible 3
77. Gangstar Rio: City of Saints (I guess these were your last days at work. Well-done guys!)
78. Real Football 2010
79. Real Football 2011 (Real Soccer)
80. Real Football 2012
81. PES 2011 (Pro Evolution Soccer)
82. Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 (My Favorite)
83. And those missing the list.
WE SALUTE YOU ALL!!! ∠(^ー^)4 -
we are trying to conduct a Robocup(Robots football competition) among university students and these are my team
5 -
besides coding, what other hobbies do you guys have?
I'll start with mine: football, guitar, singing and bodybuilding43 -
That rare day when you lay off coding for a day, got a shave, watched football (soccer), had a nice meal, watched some movies and slept EARLY....
-
My friend: I think you two would really get along, once she heard you were a programmer, she really wanted to meet you.
Me: Sweet, OK, so you said she's pretty much in the same field as me, what does she do?
Friend: Oh she's in IT
Me: Nope.
Friend: What, why?
Me: Cute but , in terms you'll understand, you just don't try to arrange a member of the football team with the waterboy.8 -
>>Googles "NCAA football" to see what games are on and if there's a close/entertaining one
>>Repeat step 1 about 3 times
>>Google has literally given me a notification for every game going on
FUCK OFF GOOD GOD.1 -
During my job hunt as a Java Developer looking for job while on a job just like what every other developers do, around twenty twelve i got an invite from one of the companies i applied for, i wasn't expecting a test though but i was prepared for it anyway. The test proceeds, i and the other partakers were given separate systems and spread out across the room like teams in a football match, i don't know if they planned on making us nervous, it seemed so very awkward. First question was *Who originally developed Java (like seriously???? i almost cummed!) i skipped... skip skip skip. After so many skipping minutes i then arrived at that question ***Check string for palindrome, hmmm i then noticed my system was connected to an open wifi (don't know if it was a dumb mistake or on purpose). I definitely googled and faithful loving heavens i found the website were they got all 21 questions with their answers from (https://simpleprogrammer.com/progra...). I answered all questions using different approach, applied xml commenting, state possibility and outcome of each code block, added wiki references, i flawed the test. Few days later i received a call for final interview, got there and the interviewer was like "Do you teach/lecture on coding or something? cus you really did pretty good on the test the other day", I felt like a god and was like "no, i don't. just did what i had to do". Seems like he loved my reply and i got the job without a second question. The open network is still a mystery to me till date.6
-
Sorry, I have to say this. I get patriotic at times.
Asian Cup 2019, we Vietnam had made it to Quarter Finals after defeating Jordani in the penalty shots.
I'm happy. It's stressful watching the shots. It's stressful watching the match but I'm happy. We're happy.
And now back to homework.2 -
Thanksgiving dinner:
"What are you doing these days"
"I'm a programmer"
"Ah"
*Cold silence*
"... Who watched football"
mfw
4 -
Just got reminded in the comments of another rant, that theres a .se domain, so my first thought was to register per.se (torilla tavataan) - sadly it wasn't available, since some football club/team is owning it, what a nice domain name 😂
1 -
So hanging out with my in-laws tonight. It apparently is super bowl Sunday. I don't know a damn thing about football and could care less about it.
Them: who do you think is going to win?
Me: I guess the better team?
Them: yes but who are you rooting for?
Me: don't know who's playing?
Ahhhhhhhggg I can't stand sports people.
And there they are yelling at a TV like someone on the other side will actually hear them.
Does anyone else have a similar situation?15 -
The football stadium game from the 1995 "Thinkin Things Collection 3" where you choreograph players and marching bands to paint the ground.
-
One elementary school teacher of mine once said:
"In a football (soccer) game, the goalkeeper can be a very good player. He can make some incredible saves during the match. If he concedes a howler, people will remember him by that.
The forward can do everything wrong during the match. If he manages to score one goal, this is sufficient to justify why he was playing."
A team without a forward will have a harder time trying to win, but it is possible. A team without a goalkeeper will certainly lose. If you think into it, it's possible to conclude that the goalkeeper is more important than the forward. But football isn't rational; it isn't about fairness or importance. It is about emotions: forwards get all the visibility and fame because they get to do the "fun" part of the job.
Why people subject themselves to be goalkeepers then? Well, not every one is the same. In this game, if you, for any reason, aren't good playing with your foot, and still want to play, there is only one position you can take.
I think about this all the time because feel that in our work environment, managers are forwards and devs/scientists/technicians are goalkeepers.9 -
I don't think I've been more excited about anything than my very first application.
This was when I was just starting out with programming. I had chosen C++ as my first programming language.
A friend and I'd written a simple application to fetch XML data from a sports data server, parse it and display our favourite football (soccer, for Americans) team's fixtures and results on a GUI.
We called it Sportify. -
Every time I see #MOTD trending on Twitter I hope it's people talking about an interesting Message Of The Day that they have seen. Instead, it's just football ("Match Of The Day").2
-
"Do it right do it light..do it wrong do it long"
My old peewee football coache's sage advice on the pitfalls of technical debt..1 -
Being a programmer is more like being a football player, as you approach mid 30s your game dips really low.3
-
!dev
It's here! It's finally here! College (Merican) football gameday is finally fucking here.
Time to do absolutely nothing for the rest of the day! 😁😁😁😁3 -
Making an app for Android and iOS, for a football club in league.
Android, naturally is no problem.
iOS.....
"Your app or its metadata appears to contain misleading content.
Specifically, your app includes content that resembles one or multiple third-party sports teams and/or leagues."
....yes....because it's an app for a football club in a league.
What else can I do about that? Can I have more specifics?5 -
Me and my housemate are both web developers, a year ago we worked on a project, to develop a website for a local football team. A couple of weeks after the release of the website, the team secretary messages us to let use know that the slideshow on the homepage isn’t working. Upon asking what browser he was using, we got an eye watering reply saying “Internet Explorer” ... like for real dude... this is is 2016, and your using IE, out of Chrome, Opera, Firefox and even at the very bottom there’s Edge... and you still use IE. 😭😭1
-
Why are most projects only fun at the beginning? I feel like there should be a "first half" and a "second half" during development.
So if I have worked the whole of first half someone else should work the other half with full bar and zeal just like a football match because honestly most times I feel like I'm gonna die towards the end of the project hoping for another developer to come on as a substitution.
However, in this case instead of going to seat on the bench after being substituted, I am willing to play another match immediately.4 -
YouTube. When I go to get a nice tutorial but then for the next hour you will find me watching football highlights and footballer skills or any other funny videos.1
-
bro look how cool i am haha lol i know java c c# angular react and php lol haha infact bro i created couple compilers haha lol bro vscode bro more like vssucks lol i use Google Docs for coding haha bro what is windows i use Ubuntu lol for that alpha sigma grindset life haha lol just update 1000 packages a week bro i play with the bootloader like messi plays football bro haha bro i can't exit vim bro i basically stay in it haha lol bro i know all about AI haha LLMs haha im taking an inteview, a shit and solving complex neurological simulations at once bro haha i wear dev related tshirts haha lol bro my house is built on Alexa bro haha ALEXA TURN ON THE LIGHTS see how cool it is bro haha i use OAuth everywhere bro to gain access to my toilet seat haha lol my thumbs hurt so bad lol bro cuz I code all day long bro what are weekends bro I never take leaves bro haha have to stay on that sigma side hustle culture right haha look how many stickers i have on my laptop haha im so cool haha lol.
But I am lonely and go online to tell people how cool I am from my mother's basement.5 -
When planning a side project how do you decide what language/framework/whatever to use.
I have an idea for a web app that I want to build, but I just can’t decide what to build it with.
At the moment I’m leaning towards rails, but that’s because it’s probably the thing I’m least bad at.
There aren’t really any technical considerations, as it’s basically a system to record details of football matches I referee.
I can’t decide whether to stick with what I know and use it to build knowledge/experience or to use it as a vehicle to learn something totally new.6 -
!dev
Well, it's time for a personal thing today, because I was hit with some shit today that I'm still kinda shook about.
So, as a bit of introduction (I've mentioned these in previous posts before but whatever, not everybody sees everything): I'm currently a senior in high school and I'm in the school's band (neither are too related, but a bit of setup for this story). I've been talking to a girl lately and I think I like her. She's fun to be around, kinda silly, and just great overall. She makes me happy and I like it. Her name is Grace, her sister's name is Taylor (just to avoid confusion later)
In the school's band, we play at home football and basketball games. Today was a basketball game. Normally when there's a game I just stay after school because I don't want to go home and come back a couple hours later, plus I like to hang out with some of the other people who do the same thing.
Grace was staying after for the game too. I was talking to her in the band room, kinda flirting a bit (on an unrelated side note, she's ticklish). Someone comes in the band room because he wanted to practice a bit, to get ready for the game. She's going back and forth between the band room and somewhere else (not too sure where she was). At one point I left to get a drink, come back, she's sitting next to him, just talking. I join the conversation, and her sister (Taylor) comes in, to get ready herself.
I go over to talk to Taylor for a minute. She looks at Grace and the other guy, then looks at me and just says "separate them". To which I said "...what? why? how?"
Me and her go outside the band room and she tells me that basically the guy has been cheating on his girlfriend with Grace, and it's just hurting everyone involved, except him basically. His girlfriend doesn't seem to fucking care, and he's done it before with someone else. (The other person actually like vaguely mentioned it to me a long time ago, but I didn't really know what she was talking about until now)
So basically, dude's cheating on his girlfriend with Grace. And I like Grace. Honestly don't know what the fuck to do. I want to do something because whenever something's going on with Grace, her sister always trusts me to make sure shit goes right. Some times when Grace wouldn't eat, her sister would always talk to me and ask me to make sure she actually eats.
Fuck guys. This stuff has been on my mind for the past ~4 hours and I don't know what to do, or if I even can do anything about it. I just needed to get this shit off my chest.
Sorry for the long personal story. Some parts I didn't really articulate very well. Honestly it was more of me just getting everything into words.4 -
That's like saying if there's a soccer (or football for non-Americans) game that's 3-2, then there's 6 goals scored. Step up your math google.
16 -
Is told to make a cool football themed board for a planning expo.
Thinks football is stupid, but makes an awesome board with a built in football game made with a Raspberry Pi and optical sensors to detect when you throw a ball through the hole.
Boss tells me that my board doesn’t match the theme and doesn’t even mention the fact that what I made was cool as fuck.
Have to trash the board and make something lame with construction paper footballs instead.
My soul is dead. Business people are such fucking children who punish creativity and reward mediocrity. I need to find a company run by developers.1 -
!dev
France qualified to the finals of the world cup and people are already losing it here. I mean I understand the excitement and the "patriotism" but to the asshole who is racing down the street in his car blaring his horn at 12 in the night waving the French flag, hope someone kicks a football up your ass.4 -
"We need to implement SSO across our legacy apps in 2 weeks. Don't worry about the details just do it. Pretend you're playing football with computers." MFW
-
Do you ever think that growing up has taken away a lot of your confidence and ability to react?
I, for one think that my 5 years before self was a lot more confident and quick towards action than now. I never used to think of consequences, people's laughs, judgments or criticisms, and would do whatever I want to do or say whatever I felt.
And now I can't even give a presentation before thinking of those laughing/ judging faces that would come up if i messed up.
It was all a gradual slowing down of excitements i think. in smaller classes, we were all wild and energized, playing football and cricket all day, sweating like a mule. then came middle school where we grew a little self-conscious about our hairstyle , clothes, etc. then consciousness started taking a huge hit when puberty and fatness took over...
And since then self consciousness has taken all over the kingdom while confidence is captivated in some prison somewhere, deteriorating day by day2 -
I was preparing a resume for an internship,I just realized i have nothing to mention in extra curricular activities.Apart from coding i only watch football and tv series and that doesn't count.1
-
A telecom engineering friend of mine asked me if I wanted Backnowýk — a strange brew made of cherries and strawberries that, if you brew it just right, is both lemonade and yogurt, depending on how you hold a glass of it. Straight angle relative to the floor makes it yogurt, but change that angle, and it fades into being lemonade. But if you don't drink it fast enough, it turns into blood.
So, I drank it and gained an ability to slam dunk leather balls, and since then, for every football game I'm in (I don't know how to play soccer though), there is a basketball hoop just for me, and when I dunk, my team scores.
Went for a walk. Met the lead singer of Death Grips — MC Ride. He wrote me a gay ballad:
🎵 Please take me to recording studio Portland🎵
🎵 Please take me to the recording place digital🎵
🎵 Aniverse🎵
🎵 Aniverse🎵
🎵 [DREAM FRAGMENT LOST]-verse🎵 -
Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm the Charlie Brown of development and Lucy with the football is the XAMPP/MAMP/WAMP software in this world. EVERY. TIME. I. TRY. TO. SPIN. THIS. UP. IT. FAILS. It doesn't matter which tutorial I follow for which technology stack or CMS, the result is always the same. Something about the database or htaccess or some other stupid setting makes it impossible for me to create a simple dev environment on my system.
I have been doing this dance for 24 YEARS NOW!!!! The original programmer of Apache is a 2nd-degree acquaintance who used to be available to help me with this, but no more. I feel like a complete and utter failure as a web developer every time I try to set up XAMPP, and, the rare times I've succeeded and gotten a basic CMS up and running, I fail again and again with all these build/run/task tools I'm now supposed to be using. After a week of fiddling with my local dev environment, I give up and delete it all. I go right back to on-server development "the old fashioned way". WHY!? WHY IS THIS SO HARD?
I'm stepping on rakes here and about to quit. I'm probably just too OLD and STUPID for all these stacks and frameworks and tools and maybe even for this career now. I should probably quit and become a "facilities manager" at a tech firm somewhere, cleaning up the bathrooms and sweeping floors and watching all these young geniuses tut-tut about "Poor StackODev. I hear he had 24 years as a web developer, but then he snapped and he's never been the same."1 -
I hate when people say "why do you prefer programming instead of football/sports? " . I like sports but I hate all the super addicted people who fight just because someone said " I don't follow your team".
Is too bad to say that I don't know all the players of a team ? If I say so there will be always someone saying " We know that, you are a fucking nerd.".
Oh well sorry for the angry post. I am more calm now.9 -
Things forced upon me throughout my life that I hate with a passion.
Football (I mean soccer)
The (fucking) Beatles
Religion
Microsoft
JavaScript
Most Clients
Things I can't get enough of (in no particular order)
Asian Food
Dirty Loops
Sleep
Playing Bass
Travel
Time1 -
Football/futbol/soccer analogy:
Frontend engineers are like strikers - you see their work, good and bad, and you don’t notice how many contribute to their success. Backend engineers are like goalies - you only really notice when they do a _bad_ job and don’t see how many things contribute to their failure.5 -
I was always somewhere in the range of not athletic enough to be a jock and not smart enough to be a geek during high school so it left me in a fun little purgatory between social groups. Ever since I was a kid though I saw my cousin make flash games for fun and thats where my interest in programming started but I never really did anything with it.
It wasn’t until I broke a bone during a football game and couldn’t play or workout for 8 months that I started jumping head first into programming and IT WENT DEEP. After tearing through and intro to java book I started reading and watching courses about data structures and learning how to make mediocre apps and games. It was terrible as any beginner usually is but god was it fun.
Then college came around and I decided to major in computer science, got myself a nice starting job at a typical big tech company with an actually decent team to work with and I still have the same love for it all since I started with it. -
Hey, I got this new web project, but to be honest I haven’t coded much web in a few years and I’ve heard the landscape changed a bit. You are the most up-to date web dev around here right?
-The actual term is Front End engineer, but yeah, I’m the right guy. I do web in 2016. Visualisations, music players, flying drones that play football, you name it. I just came back from JsConf and ReactConf, so I know the latest technologies to create web apps.
Cool. I need to create a page that displays the latest activity from the users, so I just need to get the data from the REST endpoint and display it in some sort of filterable table, and update it if anything changes in the server. I was thinking maybe using jQuery to fetch and display the data?
read full article at https://hackernoon.com/how-it-feels...1 -
“Lazy mom lazy wow” presented by Gail Swanlund was probably the most impactful piece of art to me.
Through simplistic form, this art piece presents the idea of caring about oneself and quit the eternal rat race for money. But somehow for its metaphor, Lazy mom lazy wow chooses the notion and aesthetics of death and decay. The closest analogy I can think of is the music of American Football. Some kind of liminal, eerie aesthetics. Also, the movie Gummo and the game Life is Strange, part one.
The piece deliberately avoids being aggressive and celebrating its notion. It’s not “quit the rat race and celebrate because life is so good”, it’s “quit the rat race by putting yourself into coma so nothing matters anymore”. The descent into eternal comfort of realization that you don’t have to do anything anymore, but also sorrow of losing meaning.
It feels like launching Counter-Strike Source in the year 2051, only to walk around cs_office and realize there are no players anymore, and they will not return ever again. The sense of watching an old VHS tape of you having a conversation with your mom in the hospital as she’s counting her last days because of cancer. The sense of comfort of coming back to your hometown. You remember your childhood and your high school crush, only to realize that those moments won’t happen ever again. -
Listing my skills:
I have published react-native apps.
I can build an extensive backend/API thing with node.JS/a good framework.(worked on something for my countries national football league during an internship as main/only dev)
I have some experience with c# but havent used it since school.
I have no issue getting into new frameworks/languages, as long as its not PHP.
I have experience working in software teams.
I have experience running my own company(Online store selling airsoft supplies - i quit).
Im working towards getting familiar with Tensorflow 2.0.
I have a Cambridge English assessment certificate at grade C2.
I am currently working(for 0 pay for 50% of the shares) on developing a social media app that uses location tracking on a 20-200 meter scale.
I have ADHD and have been spoken on/warned due to its effects( i.e. forgetting to report progress, getting distracted, needing stimulation so i browse youtube(even have it playing in the bottom corner sometimes), poor communication.
Am i worth anything at all as a developer... im getting pretty depressed due to not having an income at this point... and I dont think anyone will hire me4 -
When you pass a subject in one go where you cannot even fucking pronounce terms, symbols and notations in half of the chapters.
Also, just few hours before the exam, I was like, "Fuck this shit lets watch football".
P.S - Physics, the biggest nightmare of any CS student.
(Sorry it might sound a little OT but it had to be posted 😅)
7 -
Can anyone suggest a good REST API for sports data? I have developed an app for Android that shows information and statistics about football league,teams and players. I need to add news feeds,live scores and images. I am using a free API for experimental purpose which is limited. Any help would be appreciated.2
-
Just switched from Scala and its syntactic sugar to python and it just feels like :
Scala : Mary likes "football"
Python : WTF is Mary ???11 -
Guys enough dev. Take a break. Lets watch some football today.
I am a huge Real Madrid fan. WBU?
#uclfinal8 -
Back in time i was monitoring an asterisk server on a friday night. Usually it's monitoring cli is a calm terminal with infos and periodic notifications. On a random check i saw about a KM length red shit / blue shit. As it turned out my boss was using the password 2500 with the same username on a fucking SIP server and while watching football (heard from the voice logs) some romanian script kiddie's brute force script fucked it up. The journey wasn't stopped here. Next step was to them to foreach some calls with high rates to their own special phone number on about 30-50 lines. The first step was to stop the service but because it is a nice app it wont stop till you have an active call, took about 5 mins to realise it . Had to kill it a few times until it gave up. That was the moment when the 'now they are gonna fire me' feel kicked in. Do not use weakass passwords kids!
-
Is software development a field you can spend your entire life in or its like professional football, the older you get and companies don't want you anymore and they're seeking young talent?
I need to know where i might end up in 20 years time5 -
See a trick question,
There is always a man of the match in Football.
There is always a man of the match in cricket.
Therefore, there will also be a man of the match in tenis.
Comment below.2 -
Did you ever thought about rolling back time and:
- buy some cryptocurrencies
- sell your knowledge about vulnerabilities like spectrum/meltdown ...
- predict football championships
- WRITE THE GITHUB TO SELL IT FOR BILLIONS OF DOLLARS
Well, I do. -
The whole of the UK pretty much in standstill for a football match.
... and I'm here trying to get my fucking app to deploy into Glassfish 5 on AWS Elastic Beanstalk.2 -
Hello Devs!
I'm a huge fan of football, and I want to understand how apps like flashscore or livescore work ( feed sources, parsing data, real time notifications, etc.). Please, point me to the right direction.5 -
New Project
M: Hey, check these two processes. Both took different paths for the same input. Here are the logs. Both are the same though.
Me: Ok... do we have a debugger?
M: No this product doesn't have a debugger
Me: Any unit tests i should know of?
M: We don't do unit testing. Everything is done in Integration Testing.
Me: Ok. So how can i check the db for this?
M: You can't, the access is restricted. You'll have to raise a ticket to other team with the sql output you need.
Me: Ok. So I hope you have the schema at least.
M: Yes we have the schema. But there was some issue last week so the values might not be there in the correct column. They may or may not be present where they are supposed to be.
Wtf am i supposed to do... fucking play football on ticketing system with the other team 😐 -
Hey guys.
In your opinion, what's the best well designed android app and game ?
For me :
App -> Bouncer
Game -> Football Drama2 -
I really don't have much of any social life, and it's quite ok. I usually hang around with guys in the office every once in a while and if there is a football match going on, especially during this World cup. Maybe due to this I was even awarded a 100% raise, which is quite awesome. Nothing bad with being a loner sometimes things just work out for you, plus I get to concentrate on work a lot more than my peers. ^_^
-
High school football games are the best. You stand in the student section cheering whenever you get a touchdown. And my school's team sucks so it's even better when we win. Like tonight. I'm writing this right after our team just won 15-14. MAKE SOME NOISE!!!1
-
The Peru football team is like a shitty parent who always tries not to miss your birthday, but misses it anyway or a slut girlfriend, who you just wish would change, she makes amends, but eventually ends up sucking some cock in an alley.
You almost fool me, team. Almost...8 -
I need figure out a way to work managing my fantasy football teams into my sprints this year, or were going to lose again.
Top Tags
Weekly Rant
View