Hi ceo_candidate:

Welcome to CEO 101:

Q: How do you impress shareholders?
A: Without understading any processes, I cut down half of the IT team, saving a few 100k a year. Adding stress to the remaining team that now has to maintain lots of extra stuff. But, who cares? I still will expect my deliverables on time.

That is correct!

Achievement unlocked: Advanced CEO Practices

WWDC was not about developers this year. It was a conference call with shareholders and investors. No bold moves, just several consecutive "this product will no longer suck" and "look at what you can do now, big companies" announcements.

watchOS will work now (it's too slow ATM). tvOS will just be less cumbersome. macOS still lagging behind (I mean, I already have great third party apps that clean my hard drive, but thank you for solving a problem I didn't need fixing). iOS 10 is simply about messages (it's not going to make me ditch Telegram, because it doesn't have an Android client, regardless of how large you make emoticons appear on screen). Apple Music will still suck, especially if you have more than one Apple ID. And Apple Maps will continue to be useless outside of the US.

Where did the bold moves go? Where's the "we're breaking up iTunes into several distinct apps that serve their purposes really well"? (Guess iTunes is too valuable a trademark...) Where is the "we will end the WKView vs UIView vs NSView nonsense"? (You know, OOP is about creating classes, which are abstractions and whose instances deal with the particularities of their environment; a View is a View, regardless of where they live; an instance of a View should care about being on a watch or on a phone, not the developer.) Where is the "we love indie developers and will help you"? They showed off a lot of integration with well established apps, that don't really need to stand out any more. They showed that video of "normal people" who have developed apps, but no one knows about them! And then they changed the AppStore so you can pay to advertise your app, but who has the means to do that? Indie devs are surely on a tight budget, so who's that helping again?

For me, this WWDC was sugar coated with a "we love you developers" BS, but was a business statement to large companies ("see what you can do now Uber, Lyft, WeChat, WhatsApp, Doordash, all the P2P payment apps, ESPN, WSJ and so on?"). It's already a known fact that the bulk of the AppStore revenue goes to the top 1% apps. And what's the point of having tvOS be open to developers if it is very unlikely I'll ever develop anything for it unless I work at CBS?

It's great that they want to make it easier for kids to learn Swift. But there's very little point in that, if those kids' apps aren't going to be used and are simply going to make the "we have 2 million apps on the AppStore" announcement look shinier for shareholders. Without a strong indie community, the Swift Playgrounds app for the iPad is just manufacturing workers for large corporations.

And without a strong indie community, things get tougher for indie clients as well. Who will have the money (and therefore the time) to implement all those integrations in order to even dream about competing with heavily funded apps?

Yeah... So thanks, Apple, but no thanks.

When I was still a noob programmer, I was working on a website for a big client. We had a demo coming up in big city. So we drove there several hours and went to their office. All the management board and shareholders and what not were there.

So we started the demo. Everything had worked perfect the night before. But on that day, we were right away greeted with some stupid PHP error right there on the first page. Had to fix it quickly so we could continue with the demo, so I logged into their production server with SSH and started fixing the code with vim. I was connected to the projector, so my horrid noob code with cringy joke comments was there for everyone in the room to see.

Eventually got it working, but I saw several people in the room facepalming hard. Can't ever forget the day. :D

Devs: We fixed a bug, so watch out for some changes.
Management: The new values are too bad, you need to change it back.
Devs: But ... it was a bug?
Management: Rollback ... now!

I swear, the moment shareholders are involved, management is just about who has the best lie.

Company top execs: "We need to optimize our costs and reduce our expenditure by x€ to keep the profit margin at acceptable levels for the shareholders"

YOU ARE PUSHING OUT SHIT PRODUCTS DAY IN AND DAY OUT THAT YOU FUCKING SUITS THINK WILL BE THE NEXT BIG THING BUT NOONE REALLY WANTS OR NEEDS. WE ALREADY HAVE A TON OF THOSE BORN-DEAD SHITCAKES HANGING AROUND ABD NEW ONES ARE ALREADY BEING PREPARED FOR LAUNCH.

"OPTIMIZE COSTS"? HOW ABOUT YOU STOP PRODUCING SHIT AND STICK TO YOUR FUCKING CORE BUSINESS MODEL!!!

"OPTIMIZE COSTS"? WE HAVE A ZERG OF OLD FUCKS, WHO ARE STILL WAITING FOR THE FUCKING SMS TO START THE NEXT TECH REVOLUTION, ON OUR PAYROLL. ALL THEY FUCKING DO IS PLAY SUDOKU IN THE KITCHEN AND DISCUSS TECHNIQUES ON HOW TO RAISE GOATS!!!

"NO MONEY TO GIVE A PAYRISE TO DEVELOPERS"? WHY DONT YOU JUST FUCKING GET RID OF THE USELESS DUDES BASICALLY DOING THEIR TENURE AND CLOSE SOME OF THESE FUCKTARDED PRODUCTS THAT 4 PEOPLE OUTSIDE OF THE FUCKING COMPANY USE BUT NEED A TEAM OF FUCKING 20 TO MAINTAIN! NO!!! THEY WILL NOT BE THE NEXT BIG THING! NO!!! ANYTHING YOU SHITCAKES WHO THINK MOBILE APPS IS THE "NEW EMERGING MARKET" WILL EVER CREATE THE NEXT FUCKING BIG THING!!!!!

STICK TO YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS AND STOP CREATING USELESS SHIT THATS MAADE BY FUCKING USELESS PEOPLE!!!!

FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!

colleague asking for your attention (even when you have headphones on your ears) just to tell you some toxic joke or show you some toxic post on instagram then expect you to laugh! (especially when he is one of the company's shareholders) 😫

When I was a kid I loved Microsoft because they built that thingy that I could play my computer games on. I learned how to reinstall the magical but fragile Windows out of necessity, instantly promoting me to the position of the family's computer whizz-kid.

Now I just see them as one of many shady international mega corporations who on behalf of their shareholders best interest (oh the irony) are fighting to gain power so that they one day may own the planet and basically rule over everything (yess, stocks reach all time high!)

Why broken stuff is allowed through the door?

My Ubuntu, my Bluetooth headsets, Jira, my latest Google pixel, eCommerce shop where I purchase stuff everything lately seem to be full of bugs.

It seems like nobody cares about the quality of software pushed to production. Everyone is so quick to push those tickets into "released".

Fuck you, managers, shareholders, scrum masters, seniors who push developers to do stuff quickly rather than correctly.

Demo

Backend Team : No one want to listen to technical details. A short 2 min demo what we have done.
Shareholders : Have you done anything?

Frontend Team : half an hour demo of validators and fields that sum values from other fields
Shareholders: Wow that is awesome, great job, nice to see, great value, lot of progress.

I got so many concerns/questions about the EU chat control and the future. Sorry for my long rant lol:
1) What about projects that are on life support and no active development?
2) What about chat application in video games or the chat service on the website of a local shop
3) What about false flags? Like that parent who got into legal trouble for sharing a picture of his kid with a doctor to get a medical opinion on some skin condition. (might misremember the details)
4) What about false flags like instagram banning accounts and forwarding it to the police department and over-exhausting the resources of the police (accidental 'DDOS' of their personel)
5) What if the content shared in country A is legally OK but not in country B. What if you then travel there? Or if your participant is from that country B.
6) What about content that is taboo but should be OK to discussed? Like puberty or hormonal discussions online? Some subreddits like "stopsmoking" is now also regional banned by Reddit in the UK to avoid any unneeded risks. That is bad. YouTube had some problem where adult content existed on their platform but labeled as educational.
7) What if you encrypt messages before sending it. Will you be banned just in case? What if you need support with an app and you send an encrypted application crash log that came from your computer, will you now be banned just in case?
8) What if you like privacy and have those apps for innocent purposes. Is having those apps now illegal
9) What if criminals use apps from Asia or Africa or somewhere where this law is not present/enforced. Or what if they create a simple app with this encryption. It is not difficult to make one.
10) Before 2001, airport security was very lax but then 9/11 happened and the security increased. It never went back to the state before. Since they have or will have this check, what will them stop it from expanding it after the next disaster of an unrelated accident (like terrorist attack).
11) What if those services miss a case? Will the company that allows this to be send now have legal trouble?
12) What if users are using metaphors or practice self-censorship to avoid flagged words? We see it with monetization in social media (like murder or killing is replaced with "unaliving")
13) It will be just an other problem to start a new company with limited budget. So start-ups will just have a bit harder time to break into the market.
14) this might just push users away from mainstream options
15) it's just an other attack vector for hackers to use
16) Do we want to have private companies be able to scan our messages because they are contracted by the government? They can have their own bias to satisfy their shareholders. What if they are invested by the Big Oil so critic towards the Big Oil is altered? How certain can you be this won't happen now or in the future. Reddit Admin did that before so who knows at this point.
17) Anonymity will disappear.
18) Different companies verify users and store this data so this seems like a major cyberrisk and identity theft waiting to happen
19) fragmentation of users. it is now annoying that some family or friends don't use whatsapp but use telegram and the other way around. You might need +5 chat application to keep contact and lose social relationships.
20) Is AI detected messages even legal proof in court?
21) What if you talk about video games and flag the AI system this way? Or use abbreviation from a niche community that also overlaps with flagged words (like checkpoint being abbreviated as CP) or just the language with poor support or use a 'dialect' in your chat that trips up the software.
22) What if your phone is stolen and they send those messages in your name or this is done remotely.
23) What if you are sharing old family pictures and there is 1 and only 1 odd picture that just barely trips up the system.
24) Games like 'Beyond human' also has gameplay that hurts a fictional child which fits the storyline and acts as shock value. Will this be banned
25) The newer population will see this as normal so what will they find acceptable if they can now vote

we destroyed our planet forever, but for a really really short time, we made shareholders really really happy

They want you to go paperless (cos it saves them shit loads of money, and the shareholders like to count it all day long) not for environmental reasons. But their shitty, flakey online banking system is always down or having technical problems. Fucking sort it out!

Client: We've gotta launch *now*! Where is the ready version? Get it all done yesterday!

Me, after fixing it all: There you go, we can launch now! I just had to work like mad, you're welcome.

Client: We have changed our mind on the design and we talked with tertiary shareholders and and and, and it seems we're gonna launch in 2077, now change everything

Me: :^)))

We devs are installing adblockers. Meanwhile, Google shareholders are clicking all ads to increase Google's revenue...