Work From Home Reason #420: Sneaky sharts

Do you think bullshit beats actual skills?

Would you build a bullshit resume to get your dream job?

While you are reading this, Windows 10 is installing sh*t in your gaming PC

https://theverge.com/2020/10/...

Hi ceo_candidate:

Welcome to CEO 101:

Q: How do you impress shareholders?
A: Without understading any processes, I cut down half of the IT team, saving a few 100k a year. Adding stress to the remaining team that now has to maintain lots of extra stuff. But, who cares? I still will expect my deliverables on time.

That is correct!

Achievement unlocked: Advanced CEO Practices

Do full stack developers learn or push new skills.

Badum tss..

Why am I wasting my life being a full stack developer, right?

Using a light themed IDE is like being a waitress and using high heels.

Light themed IDE doesn't make you look hotter though...

Hi Dev Ranter,

My name is John Smith and I came accross to your resume on Linked In and I was very impressed. Would you be interested in a 5 min call?

Job Details:
Required skills (all expert levels): C#, JAVA, Clojure, C, PHP, Frontend, Backend, Agile, MVP, Baking, Redis, Apache, IIS, RoR, Angular, React, Vue, MySQL, MSSIS, MSSQL, ORACLE, PostgreSQL, Access, Python, Machine Learning, HTML, CSS, Fortran, C++, Game design, Book writing, PCI - Compliance
Salary: $15/Hours no benefits
Duration: 2 Months (possible extension, plus we can fire you at will)
Place: Remote (with work tracking software)
Hours: 5am - 1pm, 6pm - 11pm
Expect to work on weekends

You will be managing people as well as building applications that had to be running as of yesterday. Team culture is very toxic and no one cares about you.

We care about you though (as long as you deliver)

Looking forward to talk to you.

John Smith
Founder, CEO, Director of Staffing, Entrepeneur
Tech Staffers LLC ( link to a PNG posted on facebook)
Est. 2020

Job seeking is mentally and emotionally tiring.

Done several skill tests that I think I killed every single one of them.

I've heard "Can you go through your resume?" a million times, 1 company hasn't said yes or no for 1 month, I have at least 2 job interviews a week. Recruiters low balling.

I also feel that being hispanic is more challenging. They think I didn't code anything back when I was living in my country. 10 years of experience reduced to the ones I've been working in the US.

It's been a long and tedious journey.

Thanks for bear with me up to this point...

Every Windows update be like:

Please reconsider using Edge over _, it has Webkit now!

Please reconsider reenabling Cortana.

Please reconsider using Bing.

Please reconsider reenabling sharing all metrics with us.

- Recruiters are as bad as car sellers
- They are not your friends
- They're not on your side
- The less you ask for a job the more they're gonna get
- Keep your cards on your side
- Don't tell them how much you make (they love to know that)
- Set a salary expectation for yourself and push it
- Expect a few-months long job hunting
- If you know you deserve the salary you are asking for keep pushing.
- Be patient.
- Don't give your 2 weeks notice until you signed already for the other company
- Medical insurance makes a big dent on salary
- Keep applying for jobs even if you are advanced in a hiring process.

So far this is what I've been learning through my current job seeking experience.

I hate job recruiters, if you can, avoid them at all costs

VIM is like life...
There are shortcuts to happiness and only a few knows them.

BTW I use Nano...

3000 series or 6000 series?

where comment like '%🖕🏾%';

Me: *Killing tickets like there's no tomorrow*

Others: Doing nothing.

Manager: Well, since you are closing tickets here are some from your coworkers.

Intelligence always chases me, but I'm faster!

Me: Hey, that modification though it will fix the issue, it will add a lot of tech debt in the future.
Lead CoWorker: We'll take care of that when that happens.
Guess who's fixing that TODAY?

Dear Product owners / Company Owners / Whoever requesting a feature:

Devs like to know they are adding value to whatever product they are working on. Every time you request a stupid no value added request, you kick the dev's soul.

After several hits the developer will stop caring about the software and eventually will get the job done, but oh boy, the amount of tech debt/trash code the dev is gonna leave behind will be horrendous.

Then the next developer, not only takes the hit from another stupid request, he/she will see the crappy code the past sad developer left and will take a double hit. Of course all of them start proactive and try to fix previous blood trails but sadness will catch them eventually.

If you want you're apps/products/reports to be good in a long run don't make stupid requests.

BAs, Stop being Expensive Email Forwarders and challenge a request, understand the process and then hand it to the developer.

Us developers are sensible cute ponies. Treat us well or expect poor quality projects

Me: * Not having fun writing hundreds of tests/assertions for an API *
Also me: * Submitting changes without running my tests *
Production: * BROKEN *

RUN YOUR EFFING TESTS EVEN IF THE CHANGES ARE SMALL OR STRAIGHTFORWARD OR SIMPLE OR WHATEVER

The struggle is real

Antialiasing...

What "debug" word do you use to see if you code reaches that point in the execution?
Mine is "perro" (dog in spanish)
die('perro');
console.log('perro')
print('perro')

When you have to support a project you developed 10 years ago fresh out of college...

FrontEnd vs BackEnd

Source: CatOnMat.net

I hate java...

What the...!

I love PHP but for the love of PHP haters I modified this...
#forgiveMeRasmus

Regular Person = Regular Person;
Regular Person + Google = Hackerman;

Why are people so lazy they can't google their problem before calling help desk?

I hate mental lazyness!

Does everyone agree?

When I started using the console...

!devrant
helpdeskrant

Because number of reasons I happen to be part time working as help desk...

Problem 1: Could you teach us how to use a scanner?
Problem 2: I cannot open this (PDF) file.
Problem 3: My personal thumbdrive doesn't work, could you help me.
Problem 4: How do I use vlookup in excel
Problem 5: How can I connect my Iphone to my printer.

I don't know why IT people would choose to work in HD instead of Development.

Again, there are some reasons I'm doing support right now, don't judge me.

I hate myself right now....