C++ 101

Somehow every programmer that i met, started programming at age of 8-10
Like wtf were you programming, an alarm clock to watch Spongebob Squarepants?

Lead dev walks in:

"Remember what I said about doing dumb shit solutions in languages that no one understands?"

Me: "Yes.....why?"

Him: "That reporting script you did for <x department> needs some modifications and you decided for whatever fucking obscure reason to do it in perl"

Me: "I felt......experimental"

Him: "Well yes, that is cool and all but it needs some modifications as per <X director> and only your dumbass knows perl because you are just too fucking cute aren't ya?"

Me: "You think I am cute??? <insert spongebob blushing meme>"

Him: "I fucking hate it when you write shit in perl"

In my defense, it was a really short fucking script

For clarification: This was a friendly convo even though it doesn't sound like it. He is actually my employee, and a rather close friend, so there is that level of trust and comraderie

Been feeling like a caveman after moving from Java to Ruby. Reminded me of this.

My colleague always forgets to lock his screen when he walks away from his desk...we work for a security company

!rant

Boss: You can't start coding without understanding the phrase P. O. O. P.
Me: P. O. O. P.?
Boss: Is a carefully organized code

People
Order
Our
Programs

Debugging be like

Amazon: you're logged into 53 devices.

Me: ooooh Kay, since when do I have that many devices. let's sign out of em all and change the password for some piece of mind.

Spongebob: * a few hours past *

Spam email: someone in the US has logged into your account - click here to verify through some random URL that doesn't even contain "Amazon" in it 🥳

-

I suddenly have that feeling Amazon sells you're account setting changes and not just your personal details.

Guy: "We need you to update a few applications so we can get some new data. We have very important reports we need out of it!"

Me: "OK how soon do you need it?"

Guy: "Two days!! So we can start putting in the data then will have you create the reports."

...two days later...(in the spongebob narrator voice)

Me: " OK its done. Go in add the data you need then let me know so I can generate the reports."

....4 weeks later...still haven't heard from them and they haven't put in the data. Glad it was soooo important that I had to drop everything else to put in the updates that haven't been used.

Almost every single meeting

We were going over man in the middle attacks today and I honestly just could not stop thinking about that SpongeBob episode where Squidward keeps intercepting the bubble messages between SpongeBob and Patrick and it was so dumb that I could not stop smiling.

Because JavaScript

Did I start watching SpongeBob SquarePants at 00am? Yes.
That's how tired I am of absurd workload and salesmen that promise features we're not close to have.

I propose the brand new, AI-powered debugger.
When your program returns an error, like this one:
“x is undefined”,
…you convert it to SpongeBob case and add a clown emoji, like this:
“x iS uNdEfInEd 🤡”
and the program fixes itself and apologizes.

<insert spongebob meme>

/*when you don't close a long comment and your code does not compile

Welp. Time to ditch windows entirely! It's outlived it's usefulness, so my last windows computer is getting converted! So let's start a flamewar! To all the nonpurists out there, a question! Manjaro vs antergos? (I love arch but I'll be damned to have all my systems broken. I want at least one semi stable system)

Today we all opened santa claus holiday gifts at the job. we were told to buy each other small gifts based on questionnaire that we filled. Some girl bought me and i bought her

I have never seen someone put in so much effort to buy so many, such detailed gifts for a person they have not even met, personalized to my questionnaire that i filled up...

She bought me a book. Candies. Letters. Socks. Drinks. Spongebob chocolate eggs. About 15 different (but not unique) items in total. She even wrote in the first page of the book how carefully she took the time to find a fun book to read and not choose a random book just to buy a book

And i bought her a figure of santa claus with cupcakes, as in santa claus brought her cupcakes (2 items total)

I feel so bad. I hate it so much when someone else puts in more effort for me than i give in return. I feel ashamed. I didnt take this seriously at all. I cant stop thinking about this. Its making me feel so bad. Im feeling beyond terrible. She said she was happy and grateful for what i bought but I know what i bought is nothing compared to what she bought

How do i live with this moving on forward

Me being the dumbass I was when I was younger, I decided it was a wonderful idea to record fucking Spongebob over my parents wedding... I’m still pissed with my self 10 years later. (This was on a VHS, in case you were wondering)

How's the life with SpongeBob, devTea?

Wish I had a computer wife like Plankton, it would make things far less complicated.

It’s funny that spongebob “sailor mouth” was based on the fact that sailors were disgruntled and swore a lot. Feel like a remake a few years from now would base it on developers.

Every time when someone tells me they are an expert of ML. I chuckled. I don't know the ML stands for Machine Learning or "MY LEGGGGG' from SpongeBob.