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Search - "the beautiful things in life"
Today is a sad day.
A sad day indeed.
I used to live with my parents for pretty much my whole life until the beginning of this year, when I decided to move and starter living with a friend, in his apartment.
By far, one of the things that I've missed most from my parents' house was the dogs. Boy, I love those four pretty little creatures.
Being a fulltime developer in an area that I honestly don't like that much, I really appreciate my after-work hours. Specially because of the time I could spend with the dogs.
So, the first months away were quite hard. Even though I was living with a friend, I couldn't help but feel alone and really depressed at times.
But then, my friend and my girlfriend decided that it was a nice idea to give me something to grow with again. And Jolyne, my beautiful, smart and messy little dog came to the apartment.
Boy oh boy, my bright days were back.
Getting home and seeing those four small legs and a shaking tail running on my direction was everything I could ask for. I was happy again.
Fast-forward to today.
I finally finished the code for a project I was working on. Everything was working fine. A good day indeed, good sir. Have one on me. - then my friend called me, which is weird considering we almost only talk through Telegram during the day.
All he had to say, with a sad voice and painful tone, was "man... I don't know how to tell you this... But Jolyne is dead".
And that was it. Every good feeling I had was now dead. And a part of me as well.
I stood there, speechless. I mean, I just couldn't believe what I've just heard. She was happy by the morning. We were playing before I left for work. Everything was fine.
Then, four hours later, it wasn't. She was gone.
I came home to a friend that didn't have any more tears to shed. And no dog came running to me like usual.
My fluffy little friend was laying on her bed, like she was sleeping normally. Like nothing had happened at all. She was just sleeping and have not noticed me... At least that was what I wanted to believe.
Three hours had passed then... And I just can't fathom the fact that my dog won't be here anymore. That I won't be able to play with her again like I do every night. That I won't listen to her running around with her toys. That I won't be able to hug her anymore.
I still don't know what to do. I mean, she will be buried. I've already arranged everything.
But I don't know what to do about myself. I don't know how to deal with this pain I'm feeling.
But I will try to move on... I just don't know how.
I'm deeply sorry for bringing you this story. For just writing it down here, like you guys need to share my pain...
But I needed to write this down somewhere. And this place is pretty much the only one where I feel comfortable and welcome enough to do this.
Thank you for your time, my friends.
I am the new guy in the company and there are seniors over my head.
I am not used to work under seniors , in my previous job I had the full controls. I was the decision maker, I use to decide what happen with code.
Now, in this new company, I don't have much thing to explore. They just give me some bugs to resolve or some small feature. Nothing complex. I was stripped of my power which I did not like.
So, I started questioning my decision to join them. Then on weekend off I checked the story board.
Senior where working on Saturday. I felt bad and thought may be its my time to sit back and live my life which I was missing from past 6 years because of this profession.
Because of this job I became alcoholic, got high BP, lower platelets. I am starting to have seizure as withdrawal symptoms but it's okay. I had eye problems which made my life hell and life boring as everything looks blurry and boring.
With this job I got the time to think about glasses and it is after that long time I saw that moon with so clarity. It was beautiful, I sat in my balcony's watching the moon for long time.
I felt the moon is saying it's okay rediscover your self, I will take care of other things.
With this thought I learned to drive car and now I am going to join gym. I always wanted those abs. The freedom felt good I am overwhelmed.
Coding helped me make it this far. Everything in my life has been falling apart lately. My girlfriend left me to marry some other guy. My family's 20years old business shutdown. Things got very rough at work too. Unlike real life, coding makes sense to me. Everything is under control. It is a place where you build beautiful things the way you like them and help others. It has helped me take my mind off all the negativity and has given me a new perspective to life. Everything has a logic behind it. I can calm myself down by realizing the reasons behind the events happening in my life.
I love reading all the rants here. Thank you guys.3
Everything is falling apart. Everything. My father stopped giving our family money. We are in debt, and our bank account got locked.
And the greatest thing is that my father is a politician, sitting on his ass and only eating take out food, while he can’t spare a dime for his family of 3 children. Beautiful.
We are going to be moving out of the house into my aunt’s place. My entire family is going to live in one room. I won’t be able to attend my school while I reside there. All of the plans... all of the studying... all of my progress... well at least we should find money and come back within a couple months, so not all is lost for me.
During all of this stress, I have not programmed at all. When did this stress begin? Six. Ducking. Months. Ago. As a High School Student taming all honors classes, I have a lot of work after school. Usually I was able to finish it and keep learning computer science at high efficiency, but with the stress of the family falling apart, the stress has been doubled.
But, I’m going to admit that I’m lazy too. I’ve been mainly reading, mastering card games, Latin and playing the Fallout series. I think I mostly did this because I needed some kind of distraction from the horrible things going on in my life currently... but I shouldn’t use that to justify my laziness. At least I still remember all of the core concepts. It would just take me a day or two to get back on track with my programming studies.
Sorry if this post was too long for all of you. I haven’t posted in a while for a reason... and this is kinda it. I don’t know if anyone actually reads my posts and follows me, but I still got to get this out of me. This may not be entirely dev related, but it affects my whole path of life.11
I was out Thursday at the Hospital. I'm what the doctors would call "Ill as fuck"
So, Friday I’m back in the office to the usual: "How was that appointment?"
I know people mean well when they ask this. So, I do the polite thing and tell them it went as well as it could.
Realistically it does't matter how well it went... They haven't cured Crohn's because I showed up to the appointment. They know I'm fucked already.
But, push it down, add it to the future aneurism.
I had to go through the usual resignation meetings with managers:
"We"re fucked now you're going"
"we need to get a handle on how fucked"
"already done that for you, here"s a trello board, very fucked."
"we need to put a plan together to drop all the junior devs in the shit with the work you’ve been doing"
"You need about 4 devs, please refer to the previous trello board for your plan"
Meanwhile, me and Morpheus are in constant communication because all of this is like a Shakespearean comedy.
So, I overhear a conversation between a Junior Dev and the Solution Architect.
[SA] took over the project because he knows better than two tried and tested senior devs -_- (fuckwit).
JD: "It took me one and a half days to build it out"
SA: "Yeah, it must have taken me twice as long... It must be a problem with the project, you should just be able to check it out and run it."
JD: "I know, it has to be wrong"
All of this is about Morpheus' work of art, of an Ionic 3 hybrid app.
I fumed quietly at my desk because I've been ordered by the Stazi to be hands off.
Since Morpheus and me were pulled from the project [JD] and [JD2] were dropped into it to get it over the line.
It"s unfortunate and I was clear and honest with my advice to them: I personally would not take over the project because I"d be way out of my depth... Oh, and the App works, so uh, there's no work to do.
They have been constantly at our desks. Asking fuckdiculous questions about how to perform basic tasks. So they can get Morpheus" frigging masterpiece to the user.
It"s like watching that touch up of jesus that got borked by an amateur. Shit I have google, it's like watching this happen: http://ti.me/NnNSAb
[JD] came to me Friday evening.
"I can’t get this to build to iOS or install on [Test Analyst]'s phone."
Me: "No worries brother, where are you stuck right now?"
[JD] describes the first steps with clear indication he hasn't googled his problem.
Life lesson: http://lmgtfy.com/?q=lmgtfy
Que an hour of me showing [JD] how to build an Ion3 project for iOS. Fuck it, your man's in a bind and he"s asked politely for help. I can show him quicker than he can read 3 sets of docos.
I took him through 'ionic cordova build ios', the archive and release processes in XCode 9, then the apk bundling process for droid. Finally we have an MAM so the upload process for that too.
All the while cleaning up his AppIDs, Profiles, deployment attempts.
Damn they were a mess.
I did this with a smile on my face, not because I could say "I told you so"... But. because when any developer asks you how to do something. If you know how to do it, you should always be happy to learn them some new tricks!
Dude's alright, he's been dropped in the shit. Now I know how badly so I'll help him learn things that are useful to his role, but aren't project specific.
As a plausi-senior dev (I'll tell you about that later); it's my job to make sure my team have what they need to go home smiling!
I’m not a hateful fucker, the guy asked me an honest question so I am happy to give him the honest answer.
I took him through it a few times and explained a few best practices. Most were how to do his AppID and ProvProfile set up. Good lad, took it all on board.
However! In his frustration, he pointed the finger at Morpheus' "David" (ref: Michelangelo).
He miraculously morphed into a shiny colourful parrot and fed me SA's line:
"you should just be able to build from a clean clone"
My response was calm and clear:
"You can, it took me 20 minutes on Thursday evening. I was bored and curios, so I wanted to validate Morpheus' work. Here it is on my iOS device and my Android device. It would have taken me 5 if my laptop wasn’t so horrifically out of date."
I validated Morpheus' work so I have evidence, I trust that brilliant bastard.
I just need to be able to prove it's good.
[JD] took this on board.
Maybe listening to two tried and trusted senior devs is better than listening to a headstrong Solution Architect.
When JD left for the weekend I was working a late one (https://www.devrant.io/rants/874765).
His sign off was beautiful.
"I think I can happily admit defeat on this one, it can wait until Monday."
To which I replied: "no worries brother, if you need a hand give me a shout."
Rule 1: Don't be a cunt.
Rule 2: If someone needs help and you can give it: Give it!
Rule 3: Don't interrupt James' cigarette time.
Rule 4: goto Rule 3.4
Guys, I have a question that depresses me :
How do you cope with the fact that you're not Batman?
That seems a bit silly, phrased like this, but it's actually very serious. Bruce Wayne is succesful, pretty, charming, smart, creative, strong, skilled, daring, confident, selfless, and constantly depressed.
I'm just depressed. Well, maybe I'm smart, at least that's what IQ tests and my loved ones are saying, but I don't feel like I'm using that intelligence to its full extent.
***Here comes the big wall of text. Jump to the end if you're pressed.***
I feel depressed every week when I remember I'll never be a great violinist because I've no talent in music and barely any patience regarding it.
I'll never be a good painter because I've got no talent, no eye for beautiful things, and I'm utterly unable to draw what I see in my mind.
I want to be a "hacker". Not a h4x0r, just a man with enough creativity to see unintended uses in everyday things, or to see flaws and weaknesses in things that seems perfectly fine or secure at first glance. Also I want to know a good deal in computer security. But I'll never be a hacker, because my brain isn't wired that way, and it has already lost most of it young flexibility.
I'll never be as good in computers and programming as Linus Torvalds. I'll never have as much insight as Elon Musk. I'll never find a field to conquer just like Bill Gates.
I'll never make science breakthroughs as big as Einstein, Darwin or Stephen Hawking. I'll never be as good in maths as Alan Turing, never be a polyglot able to go anywhere in the world and make himself understood like this guy who learnt 10 languages in two years in this ad I keep seeing everywhere.
Well, things may happen, but it's so unlikely that my pragmatic mind just can't believe it.
I'm just an average smart pal, who wastes his time by sleeping because he's abnormally tired all the time, and who seems to never find the time to do anything although there is 16 hours in a day (given that you sleep 8 hours).
That fucking depresses me big time, and at this point I feel like it's a vicious circle and that I need professional help. I know I have to let go, and aknowledge the things I'm really good at, instead of focusing on things I'm not. But these just seem to be "easy" things to get good at. Realising that I'll likely never reach the level I aim really bugs me, and actually slows me down even more...
I'll stop here, but I could keep talking about it for hours.
That's a toxic mindset, but younger I've always seen myself as a bit superior. Now that I'm more mature and less arrogant, all that's left is my ambitions and the knowledge that they'll never be reached. Life has broken me a bit, these last years, which made me like this, and I still have to learn to cope with it.
I seriously think about ending it all, sometimes, for a few minutes. I'd never do it, be reassured, that's not a suicidal man call to help here. I'm too aware that this would do worse than anything, mostly for my loved ones, and I'm probably too coward anyway. But during these short moments, it's like I don't see the point of living since I'm just replaceable, and I don't see why I should keep going with the bitter taste of underachievement constantly in my mouth.
How do you guys cope with not being Batman?17
Do you guys know about the Windows 10 operating system?
I highly recommend it.
It is so easy to get done whatever you want in just a few clicks or.. several.
It has a great web browser called Internet Explorer that comes pre-installed with it. If you love animations, it will even sometimes show you that beautiful loading animation for as long as it wants. If you have a habit of wasting time on the Internet, it will intelligently slow things down and become unresponsive to help you get rid of that bad habit. It's just that great.
It has a lot of great features pre-enabled for you like sending data to Microsoft to improve your experience on a personal level. The operating system cares so much about you, unlike other operating systems that represent a flightless bird.
It's so smart, it even keeps you from doing stupid things like customizing the operating system. It makes sure that you live in the given box and don't break anything. So caring, right?!
At random times, it shows you a blue screen and a sad face to remind you that life can be sad at times but you gotta keep going. It is profound.
It comes with great useless software that you absolutely don't even need! How great is that!
I use Windows 10 and I recommend that you do too.
Have a good day..20
This belongs to the small bunch of things that makes me feel that life is beautiful.
For a pretty long time, I wanted to learn Haskell, and recently I really fell in love with the category theory. Now how exciting is that when you found that you can learn them both?
I just started it, and I guess it's a pleasure for any programmer who doesn't whine about math. It's free to read:
Or to build 😉
Medium long story about POP!_OS
TL;DR : A true K.I.S.S. OS. Very well designed UI. In general suitable for everyone. Any distro-hoppers MUST try out. If your current OS is already heavily customized to your needs, DON'T bother with POP. (Read till the end if you are on toilet, nothing to lose)
Backstory : I am never a fanboy of anything although I am loyal to the tools I use daily. So OS is also something I picked and use to meet my needs except when I was a student. My first linux experience was about a decade ago with ubuntu. Have tried almost all kinds of light-weight and minimal distros after that (lubuntu, arch, mint, puppylinux, fedora, centos and others I forgot) during my student years.
I like all things minimal. ("Keep It Simple Stupid" is my email signature.) When I started working, Windows became the sole OS I use since it met my needs better than others. Except that one time when I tried Elementary. Although I found it a good OS, it didn't get installed as a dual-boot. I don't find Elementary minimal. It is one of well designed OSs but I still think it can be improved. (Plus I had this weird feeling that it is similar to Mac OS)
At the start of this year, Widows alone was not enough for my needs. Decided to look for a minimal linux distro. My old i7 ASUS has 8GB RAM and roughly 250GB free storage. So I am not that worried about hardware requirements. My main struggle is downloading stuffs. (Few of you guys must know by now the speed of my internet LOL.) Well, even if I had a good speed, I will still look for minimal distro as first priority. So I went with minimal ubuntu image and xubuntu environment. Although I do not like the UI design, it is acceptable. Through out the years, I have configured it to suit my needs and currently pretty happy with it.
Thoughts on POP!_OS : To me, it is literally like meeting a young girl who is perfect for my life. She has the perfect body, beautiful face, amazing appearance and good manners. And she is young, of course there is a lack of experience issue. But it can be taught and she has a very high chance to become a wonderful lady if she continues like this. Only crap is I already have someone and in a committed relationship. So I could not go any further than introduction. I do save her contact and will keep in touch with her online. You know? Things change. Things always change somehow.2
unbelievable how much lifetime i already wasted and are wasting yet finding a desktop wallpaper to my liking
is it just me or can anybody relate?4
I recently accepted my first "real" Dev position. This has been a huge hurdle for me.
So my degree is in graphic design and it's pretty much what I spent the first 2-3 years after university doing. In fact, when I started at the place I am now (I am still working my notice) I was hired as a creative artworker.
I had always had a website I put together with some basic frontend skills, but always assumed the backend stuff was "beyond me". But, given the option here, I asked to be sent on a PHP course. Holy shit I took to it like a duck to water. Over the next few months I got my feet wet building a new website for the company, building out a little intranet, all that good stuff. I went from procedural spaghetti monstrosities to nice, OOP, documented code. It was beautiful. And no one here really have a fuck.
About 6 months ago, I started trying to leave. This was hard. I actually had several interviews for design positions, but always got turned down for some variation of "you're very technical and we think you'd get bored here" and thank god really, because they're right. I could never get a look in for Dev jobs though, because on paper I had no experience, hell my job title was still "Digital Designer" despite over a year of developing here.
But it finally happened. Through someone I used to know I got my foot in the door for a developer position. In the interview they even told me if it was a junior position they'd hire me on the spot - but sadly it wasn't. I had a good time though, a good laugh, and had a lot of fun finally, for the first time in my life, "working" and talking with other developers.
Over the next couple of weeks the agent kept telling me I had done really well and they were just dragging their feet getting things sorted, but I gave up hope a little. So imagine my surprise when I found out they turned the role into a junior one for me!
And so now, I get to go to a job where my job title includes the word "Developer". To some of you that might not mean much, but to me it's a fucking medal I wish I could mount on a plaque on my wall.4
- I love blowing my mind. Even if it is the most confusing thing. Things like security mechanisms, neurons' behaviors, mathematics (even tho I hate it when I fail lol), electronics, medical terminology and chemistry.
- I love collecting rare coins, personally never-seen stones and put them into my collection. I love to be a designer. Not only on my laptop. I have a book shelf and within that book shelf I put stones that create the yin yang sign while pushing the books to two sides. That makes them look like they are levitating. I have stones (including obsidian) that create a triangle and a knife hanging down the wall of my room.
- I love visiting touristic, historic, naturally-beautiful but also non-touristic (non-touristic? yes. by that I mean visiting e.g. the areas of touristic cities which are dangerous, because you can easily fall down off of a slippery ground and take serious injuries) places around the globe, talk to complete strangers in public (I am trying to be an extrovert), take pictures with my camera and collecting antiquities.
- I love taking risks (no. I don't play any poker games etc on the internet) without trying to put other people in risk. Driving insanely with whatever I have. Car, bike, you name it.
- I love reading books. Books that are about human psychology, fantasy novels and books about programming languages.
- I love to cook (I am at the beginning).
- I love to use the konMari method of tidying up my room.
- I love plants.
- I love having everything in my room tidied up (even if I am too busy with other stuff and skip this cleaning process for a week upto a month sometimes. Sorry, room.).
- I love doing sports. But mostly sport that I have never tried before. This can be, because of my greedy wish for an adrenaline kick. That led me into taking a balloon flight at 4 am (sunrise) and to paragliding at sunset above Mediterranean sea btw. (I am normally afraid of flying, but paragliding was awesome).
- I love swimming. Like, you cannot pull me out of the sea for a minimum of 2 hours, if it is not important.
- I love laying above the sea water and let the sea carry me to somewhere else.
- I love being alone. I love the silence. I love to be free in my thoughts.
- I love watching the sunset, the light that shines through the forest, the moonlight and the stars at night.
- I love dreaming. No, like, lucid dreaming for example.
- I love being open to any opinions.
- I love to learn about other people's views about the world and their religion.
- I love pets and would do anything to keep them alive when they are ill. It hurts my heart seeing them like this.
- I love watching demonic "A: Holy shit! Did you see this thing, too?! B: Yes!" YouTube videos just for the fun of it, but I hate horror movies and games.
- I love trying out new things. The creation of music and video for example.
- I love to give my hair and beard a shape, if I am too lazy to go to the barbershop lol. By that I don't mean just going to the barbershop, but taking an electric razor and cutting my hair myself even if I get bad results from time to time that can be corrected by letting any family member tell me in which area of of my head the hair problem is.
- I don't like disco clubs.
- I don't like toxic people even though I can be a quite toxic person myself without realizing it. If I appear toxic to you, inform me about it. Having so much testosterone in that moment, can make me do things that I don't want to do.
- I don't like drugs even tho I have to admit that I am trying a few from time to time (maybe 6 months in-between) to have a dopamine kick. I am not an addict.
- I hate myself for things that I did in the past.
- I used to watch MMA videos etc.
- I used to use a telescope, but I can't find it anymore.
- I used to have a microscope, but I can't find it anywhere and besides of that the seller did literally piss in it before selling it to me many years ago. Don't want to touch it tbh.
- I used to play games, but I don't enjoy games anymore. That makes me feel sad.
- I miss the old moments of my life.
I like how things went and go so far. It changed me so much. It made me a good and a bad person. I became more open and confident, but it also particularly made me a leader who can say "fuck off" in a bad way to his family. I would like to undo this particular part of me.5