Just saw someone at school with a devRant sticker on his laptop 😃

When you don't have money to pay a designer so you decide to do it by yourself.

It's my first try...

I swear to God, if I see one more vim joke I'm going to :x life

Me: I have admin rights
Windows: Looks legit
Me: can I delete this folder ?
Windows: Nope

Getting any output, at all, even if it's wrong after not getting any output for hours.

Why the fuck do some people need to talk so much while working?
Let me code in peace, damnit. 😒

*swats a fly at work*
"heh, debugging."
*audible sigh*

TL;DR — Never ever use work chat to gossip about work. NEVER.

—

Just some minutes ago, my boss asked a mate to move aside from his computer and began checking out some docs.

By the tone he used, I assumed something was wrong, I stood from my workplace and went to grab something from the kitchen. Came back and he was looking through a thread in slack between a mate and another work mate.

I thought he was going to send something to himself but then he asked me if I could help printing out the screen. Took a quick look and they were talking shit about him.

Now, it'll be an awkward silence until I go home and those two stay to argue about that thread.

Sheez.

Teacher: Homework for next time is to make 2 web pages with three javascript.
* whole class is quiet *
Me: What's "three JavaScript"
T: undefined
M: Do you mean three files?
T: No, I mean three JavaScript.
M: Okay, so let's go with five CSS and twelve HTML as well then...

Please, go somewhere else when you can't explain your OWN HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT. Holy fuck.

User: We can not register three users on your website, it allowed us to register only first one

Me: What does it say? Some kind of error? Tell me so I can reproduce.

User: Well it says email address is already taken

Me: Uh...

- so yeah, they tried to register three users under the same email address.

More than half of all support calls and tickets we get are so fucking easily searchable through our own fucking website and search engines, it's really fucking annoying sometimes.

"how do I redirect a site?"
Type the fucking word redirect into our helpdesk page.

"how can i reset my email password?"
Literally fucking type the word EMAIL into fucking search bar?!

"hey the article said to go to yourdomain.com/webmail, I'm not getting anything!!!"
"what domain did you use?"
"yourdomain.com of course!"

😥🔫

"how can I add a domain to my hosting?"
Search for the FUCKING word DOMAIN on our online helpdesk.

IT'S REALLY NOT THAT HARD, PLEASE APPLY COMMON SENSE AND USE YOUR FUCKING BRAIN.

One day: 10000% motivation....
Next day: 0% motivation.

*sigh*

Friend: "How can I check my ip?"
Me: *opens terminal*
Friend: "is this a virus? Please stop"

This may be limited to Germany:

Apparently you can get free vouchers (from 2 to 5 euros in value) on the website "pizza.de".

There is a lottery kind of game right now on this URL: https://pizza.de/casino/

If you just open the developer console and run "win()", you "win" the game and can enter your phone number to get your voucher 🤔

What idiot programmed this?
What idiot reviewed this?
What idiot put this live?

What if God is actually an average developer working for a company which creates worlds and at first it all ran fine but then the support period expired and wasn't renewed and now shit's hitting the fan and nobody gives a fuck.

I wonder if these shoes are vulnerable to injections...

Was coding so nicely, then I accidentally kicked the power strip and turned off my machine... Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!

Phone rings
Uh oh
Answers the phone
Its my boss
>the latest tool you made isnt working
Um... Yes it is?
>we cant run it because its a jar file
Um..
>how to you run a jar file?
Um... You click on it?
>it doesnt work, nothing shows up
(Maybe if you fucking read my documentation, you would see that it just generates the files you need)
>there are no files
Yes there are we tested on every possible hardware, theres no way to fuck it up
>there are no files
Okay maybe you just dont see them on your desktop, move the jar to an empty folder
>how do i do that

*hangs up*

Story time:

I was once working on a project that dealt with incredibly sensitive financial data.

We needed a client’s database to do a migration.

They wouldn’t send it over the internet because it was too big and they didn’t think it would be secure.

They opt to send it in the post on an encrypted usb drive.

(Fair enough thinks I)

USB drive arrives.
Is indeed encrypted.

MFW there’s a post it note in the envelope with the password on.

MFW this is a billion dollar multinational petrochem company.

MFW this same company’s ‘sysadmin’ and ‘dba’ once complained because a SQL script I sent them didn’t work - they’d pasted it twice and couldn’t work this out from the fucking “table already created” error message management studio was throwing at them.

Client: ‘A customer called and said that the checkout is broken.’

Me: What was broken about it? It’s functioning as expected for me and other orders.

Client: I don’t know but we need it fixed by tonight.

Having to submit code in a word doc... 😬

The only place where it's okie for a parent to kill its child #programming

Teacher: *writes <!doctype html> in his web page*

Teacher: Of course we're going to use HTML 5 for our application!

Also teacher: *continues to demonstrate <center> and <font> tags*

Ffs...

Junior job requirements be like:
Required:
5 year experience in Php,
8 years experience in JavaScript,
Masters degree in CS,
10 years experience in React and or AngularJS

Bonuses:
Worked for Microsoft in their first year.

Salary: 20k/PA 6 month performance review.

Got married last Saturday.

Starting new job in couple of weeks

Life is good!

Took a coding exam today ..

.. on paper.

*Working on personal project*

Don't get excited about another project
Don't get excited about another project
Don't get excited about another project
Don't get excited about another project

...DAMNIT

At ATM

Options
- cash only
- cash and balance
- cash and receipt
- cash and balance and receipt

Choice
- cash only

Questions
- would you like to see your balance

Then
- would you like a receipt

IF I WANTED A FUCKING RECEIPT OR TO FUCKING CHECK MY BALANCE THEN I WOULD HAVE MADE THAT CHOICE WHEN YOU FIRST ASKED ME. YOU FUCKING CUNT.

I EXPLICITLY CHOSE “CASH ONLY” SO JUST FUCKING ASK ME HOW MUCH I WANT TO WITHDRAW AND THEN LET ME GET THE FUCK ON WITH MY BASTARDING DAY!!

admin
admin