Finally I found a webpage related to my bug.

The page is from 2004.

*keeps reading*

"Yes, yes! This is exactly the problem I'm having"

*Carefully reading each comments*

*Looking at scroll bar with stress*

*Almost coming to end, no signs of solution*

At the end the thread creator say: "Ah finally I've fixed the problem. Thanks everyone for helping"

*moment of silence*

WHY U NO SHARE THE GOD DAMN SOLUTION? YOU FUCKING IDIOT

Interview

HR: So .. tell us .. where do you see our AI acting in 5 years?

ME: Doing your job minus the stupid questions.

*silence*

Boss breaks out in laughter.
"Oh boy you're hired"

Kenyans lost these great devs in a terror attack. A moment of silence

"So what are your hobbies?"

Me: "programming"

"No i mean your real hobbies, besides the work you do"

Me: *awkward silence*

I was explaining to my mom how my company is in need of developers and how we'll need more of them in the future - to which she replied:

"oh... what are you going to do? You can't live without a job!"

- erm? What?

"Well - you're not smart like those guys. You'll probably get fired now."

- Wtf mom!? I'm a friggin lead dev and i've been a developer for like 10 years now!? 😳

*silence* "is that what you've been doing? I thought you just kept clicking on stuff"

Me: *just playing around with Git on my terminal*

Friend: "Man, you're such a geek, typing your git command on the terminal.. I myself can't use git without the GUI at all"

Me: *stares at him in silence*

Me: "Wait... THERE 'S A GUI FOR THAT?"

*true story when I was in college*

So there was an inspection from government for our bank's IT security. I gave a tour to our server and security systems. I threw all possible acronyms as much as I could remember. Inspector nodded and noted down never uttered a word.

Finally, he breaks his silence, looking at a device he points out and says "What's that ?"

I look at the device then stare at his face back again at the device and to his face I reply "That's AC, Air Conditioner".

Had a dodgy stomach. Muted the mic & let out an almighty fart.

Only, as you'll have guessed (and I quickly guessed from the silence that followed), I'd missed the mute button.

A moment of silence to all the python devs that don't get the ++ and -- reference

Boss: Are you busy?
Me: *Schrödinger's silence*.

Me: I'm really underpaid and you know that. You gotta do something about it.

My Manager: It's on my radar. It's complex. Things like these never move quickly.

*Few weeks later*
My Manager: Hey what's the status on that new POC?

Me: It's on my radar. It's complex. Things like these never move quickly.

*Radio silence in the room*

Project handover:

"Mmh okay, so what about test coverage?"

Dev: "zero"

Team taking the project "why???"

Dev: "You don't need test if you write perfect code"

Silence in the room... Followed by awkward laugh.

Le me having a chit chat with a student after sharing about programming in my former high school..

Student: "I learnt Java the other day, and I don't really like it"

Me: "Why?"

Student: "Because we can import existing packages on the community to do almost anything"

Me: "And? How is that bad for you?"

Student: "It's not very challenging, isn't it? I want to build everything in my program with my own code!"

Me: [silence]

Me: "Listen here, you little shit..."

She: "I am not getting anything out of these classes!!"

Me: "Try making some Objects first"

*Awkward silence*

Boss: "Here's our new intern! He's a bloody genius doing apps! Perfect for that important project that shouldn't be trusted to an intern!!"

*takes intern 9 weeks to do a login view without any real backend*

Turns out the guy couldn't do shit but steal others code and change background color.

Boss: "He wasn't very good..."
Me: "You interview him. How about you bring a developer to the interview next time..."
Boss: "Doesn't matter. The app needs to be done the day after tomorrow, good luck"
Me: "............"

*puts on coffee, cries, programs the app in miserable silence*

Long time no see Friend:- "hey dude what do you do for a living"

Me:- "I suffer in silence"

Ltnsf:- " but what exactly do you do"

Me:-"I stare at a rectangular space hoping to find enlightenment"

Interviewer: Do you know about SQL injection?

Student: Yessss

Interviewer: Okay, how we can prevent it?

Student: Yes, we should prevent it as prevention is always better than cure. It can lead to data loss and other problems so it can be difficult to fix it if it happens. The best case is that nothing like that takes place. [...]

Interviewer: I get it but how?

Student: By not building any web applications.

[Silence]

Interviewer: Nice, you may go. Do not call us. We will call you.

Two minutes of silence to all Microsoft employees who were looking to switch jobs through Linkedin. 😂😂

*Tries to pull down code changes*
*Repo is dead*
*Tries to load IDE*
*IDE is loaded via the cloud and it is down*
*Tries to contact help desk*
*Help desk is down*
*Sits in silence*
Guess I am done for the day.

My friend just made an awkward joke

Me: I couldn't get Postgres working on ubuntu

Friend: How bout installing GET-gres

Me: (awkward silence)

Hello {Project}, my old friend. I've come to debug you again
Because the scope is softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was developing
And the misery that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence...

In restless dreams I debugged alone
Narrow file of cobbled code
‘Neath the halo of a desk lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of git checkin
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand bugs and maybe more
People coding without asking
People coding without listening
People writing code that they never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

Fools, said I, you do not know
{Project} like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence.

And the people bowed and prayed
To the kludgy app they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said, the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sounds of silence

*Sits down at restaurant*
*orders food*

Me: opens devRant
Wife: "You're always on your phone. You're supposed to pay attention to me."
Me: puts phone down. "What would you like to talk about?"
Wife: "...I don't know"

*sits in silence for a minute*

Me: opens devRant

Project manager: I thought you said you made sure it was live today! I'm going to have to explain that you're the main issue with why it isn't live to management!

Me: have you cleared your cache?.... (long silence)

I swear it's the new "have you tried turning it off and then on again".

Just like the silence before the storm 😁😁😁

Why the fuck do some people need to talk so much while working?
Let me code in peace, damnit. 😒

Sitting in a dorm, chilling..

My new roommate: So You study Computer Science?

Me: *Here it goes again*

Roommate: Can you fix my HDD? Something is wrong with it..

Me: No...

Roommate: But..

Me: No I study computer SCIENCE! Go ask yout physics professor to fix your fucking trebuchet, because he knows how that stuff works..

Roommate: *Silence*

God... That was my best reply in whole life... Someone should make a shirt of that...

I have just realized the music that was playing in my headphones stopped a long time ago and I've just been sitting here in silence with my headphones on listening to absolutely nothing.

My wife took the kids to the mall.
I work from home.

me: fuck yeah, I'll be able to work now, since I focus a lot more when there's a lot of silence in the house, looking forward to this coding session
me: *takes the fattest 2 hour nap*

I guess I was tired...

Me : We have 3 guys , 850 hours of content to develop, and you want this by mid Feb...
Account Manager : Yes
Me: ... (Doing math in head)..
Account Manager : This has to happen , what do we need to MAKE THIS HAPPEN..
Me: A time machine....

- awkward silence -

Coffee, silence, SSD, a good IDE, and that dose of despair due to a deadline in a few hours.

Life of a Developer...

Everyone else: HURRY UP!! WE NEED THIS YESTERDAY!! WHATS TAKONG SO F***ING LONG!!

Me: The documentation you have doesn't have all the information which I've repeatedly asked for

Everyone: silence ...

Me: *Playing around with bash on Windows*

Friend: Can you hack my Facebook account?

Me: I already did...

*moments of awkward silence*

Yesterday Mr Senior told us that "it's not possible to do that".
I (30 years younger) replied I read about that possibility in the manual.
So he challenged me to do it, laughing at me.

Today I went to the office really angry, I put the headphones on, with the song "Suicide Silence - O.C.D." in loop, and after 5 hours I solved the "big problem".

So, go fuck yourself Mr Senior, and RTFM.

Damn, I'm still listening that song.

##REAL STORY##
Friend: Hey there, I have a Java Exam after one hour and I have a question for you.

Me: Great ! How can I help

F: They will give us a problem and ask us to solve it by writing a Java code.

Me: Okay,

F: That's it.

Me: Good, so were's the question.

F: Come on, of course I want to know how to solve it.

Me: Absolute Silence.

Me: friendsList.removeAll();

I was asked to present a code I wrote previously. This was not planned. I shared my screen and presented. Things went well.

One employee asked me to search a particular term which was possibly related to an advance topic in the domain we were working on.

I opened Chrome and the first page had a Quora post: "Why my dull co-workers try to act smart and are not yet fired?".

[silence]

Guy: *hands me sheet of paper* What does this code do?
Me: *looks through code written on the paper* Well, most likely segfault.

*awkward silence*

File > New Project > Create

(awkward silence)

Me: ....
Computer: ....

"Can you make it pop more..."

A moment of silence please, for the same fucking, irritating word that every goddamn Joe, Jim and Jenny uses for describing how a site should look. What the hell is pop supposed to mean, you want an epilepsy warning I'll put some popping lights and nausea inducing Nyan cats across your screen. You want it to pop more, sure no problem...

There's a window over there, go fucking throw your PC out of it.

Today at lunch we were talking about the bathroom conditions. At some point I commented:

"I don't go to the one closest to my office, the WiFi reception is terrible there."

*dead silence*

I can't be the only one, right? (posting this from the bathroom, BTW)

2 mins of silence for all those rants you composed, yet you chose to not post it.

The magical solution to everything.

It reminds me of the time when we were watching The Great Gatsby movie in honors English class. The the projector wouldn't work.

As a joke, one kid said, "try turning it off and turning it back on."

The whole class roared with laughter, until it actually worked. They stared at it in silence.

A moment of silence for all the USB flash drives that we purchased and have no idea where they are or who did we borrow them to.

I am so bad at Smalltalk.. really, I feel like an idiot every time, and every time I end up in silence. Just talk to me something it-related, I can't stop talking. Does this happens to you too?

Friend: Hello dude, I have an idea that..
Me: (cuts in) no.
Friend: you didn't even hear me out!
Me: let me guess. You have a super idea you want us to work on. I will be the tech guy and you the business guy and we would get funding and that will make us super rich and make all those girls that looked down on us start chasing after us?
Friend: something of that nature.
(Silence).
Friend: well?
Me: I already said no.
Friend: just no?
Me: Oh I am sorry. No fucking way in hell.

9pm Project Manager: We have to push an update TONIGHT
9.45pm Devs: okay guys, all latest bugs are fixed, just needs final check and we can push the update
10:45pm Devs: Guys?...
11:45pm Guy in charge of testing: Uh doesn't work...
- What doesn't work?
- I dunno, I get an error message
- What's the (fucking) error message?!
Aaaaand silence
Fuck this I'm going to bed.

Do you spell it github or jithub?

So this person i met on one interview.

// Looking thru my resume

P: so you have put this code on jithub right?

Me: yeah, on github.

... // A moment of silence from him.

So, which one is the correct?

Project manager : I want you to do the job by tomorrow.
Me : I can't, there's some problem with MySQL.
PM : Then use somebody else's SQL, but I want the job done by tomorrow!
Me : *weeps in silence*

Classmate: You should use Bootstrap!
Me: Why?
Classmate: It's "the framework" that makes your site responsive.
Me: *a long moment of silence*
Me: *goes home*

Reading some of the wk50 rants makes my blood run cold. brrrrr. They're terrifying.

While my story goes just like this.
Didn't know our manager(let's call him R) messaged us in our group chat that he won't make it to office for that day.
My account replied "Let's have moment of silence for those who left us. R, you will be missed. :'( Thank you for everything.".

I didn't notice the message until lunch time and my co-devs (with much back-slapping and laughing) told me I'm a gem. -_-
I just went to get some coffee, forgot to lock my unit and came back a murderer.
AND It was only my 2nd month on the job.

DevRant was just loading very slow because of bad mobile internet. I told my mum that this could be loading faster, because it's mainly text (= no large videos) that needs to be transferred. My mum answered:

"Your smartphone doesn't know that tho".

Looooong silence. Very looooong silence.

This happened just a few meters of me.

IT Guy: What happened sir?
IT Manager: WTF does the variable a4g646g54a6g54a65g654ag546a654g56a?

~awkward silence~

Still curious.

*Doing a Peer Code Review of someone senior to me*

Me: This fix doesn't look like it will work, but maybe I don't understand. How does this fix the defect?

Senior Dev: *Blinks* It works on my machine

Me: But how does it work?

Senior Dev: It works when I run it on my machine...

Me: Do you know if this will fix the issue?

*Silence*

Never seen QA punt an issue back to development so fast.

So I was applying for a research position in linguistic department, and had the interview today.
Prof: So you know excel right

Me: (show a project to him to prove I at least know csv file)
Prof: Ok so you know excel.

Me: Yeah kinda.

Prof: Ok that's good. Cuz right now we are using amazon Turk, and the data they returned, which are excel files, are not really the way we want it.

Me: Ok sounds like a parser can fix it......

Prof: Yeah.... the students in the lab are doing it manually now

(Dead silence)

Prof: Ok move onto next matter

True story.

I had been working for 6 months at the same place surrounded by 6 people (3 of them in my work team) .

On January I receive a message on skype for business "Hello, happy new year :)"

I answered "thanks", 10 seconds later I see the name of who wrote the message, someone called let's say YYY, so I ask one of my coworkers, "do you know who is YYY?" and I hear a voice of the girl seated right in front of me for the last 6 months answering "It's me", "Oh!" I said.

Awkward silence....

Rant to myself for being a shitty non social person.

I login this morning

Everyone going crazy as prod is broken in a million ways. 2.5 million exceptions In 24 hours.

We talk for 1 hour and solve nothing.

I diagnose the 2 biggest sources of exceptions and explain every step I took with screen snippets to reach my conclusions

The one other competent person on my team agrees. Otherwise complete silence.

I'm told not to fix the issue because I am leaving in 6 weeks and other people have to start taking responsibility.

No one fixes the issues. Instead they leave early. Now it's the weekend and the product is fucked.

Fucking useless people. Can't wait to leave.

⏺ Procrastinating - SoundCloud on shuffle mode.
⏺Concentration lvl - NOOB or repeated work - Something that a mindless zombie could do. I play OneRepublic, Maroon 5, Coldplay, GreenDay, etc.
⏺ Concentration lvl - Serious - AudioMachine, Two Steps from Hell, etc
⏺ Concentration lvl God mode - I require absolute zero silence. You make as much a *sigh* anywhere within 4m radius of me, or I realise of your existence, you would wish you weren't born.

Print 'Hello World' in ReactJS.

# Time - dies
# Memory - cries in silence
# C - gives an evil laugh

Was working on a style.css file in school. One of my friend approached me and said what is that?
I said, CSS!

*silence*

Custom Sexy Styles?

*facepalm*

On a company meeting there was a discussion wether to trigger an event by hover or mouse click for 20 minutes. then..
Me: "There is no mouse click without hover."
-- silence --

Trying to explain to your spouse/significant other the great development you did at work today only to get the obligatory 10 second silence after you finish and a "Uh huh...that's great" head nod. Go me!

QA: You need to write a test script for your new web app before it can go live

Me: ok, I'll write some tests in PHP unit and automate the tests.

QA: Oh, can you do that? We just normally write a list in excel then go through each line and write pass or fail at the end.

Me: yeah, good one.

QA: Umm, I'm not joking.

Queue awkward silence...

Boss: here is a mac project, we have not enough time.

Me: what? I didn't not work with Mac and related languages ever!

Boss: yeah, but you are senior developer, this is not supposed to be that difficult to you..

Me: *moment of silence* just tell me who taught you it and project management. because you are the stupidest shitty boss that a developer could have

Girl: hello this is amazon support center, hope you're feeling great today, how are you?

Me: im good...

Girl: glad to hear that, how may i help you?

Me: a few moments ago i was on... sigh, actually im not good im extremely sad right now because i was scammed on my amazon account for $250, im calling to ask if that product can be charged back.

*literally 30-60 seconds of silence*

Me: .....hello??

Girl: ok sir ill give u another line to call please dont hang up ok? stay with me

Me: maam im not doing suici

Girl: +1-532...

Me: ...

Intern asked Manager how can one become a senior developer.

Manager explained and then, asked why?

Intern said that the senior developer was not able to fix the bug in his code for over 3 days while it took the Junior developer (me) around 10 minutes.

[Silence in the meeting]

Moment of silence for the Indian devs in charge of maintaining ATMs

During a random meeting for a project:

PM: We'll need you to learn Go for this project. It says you know python in your job skills, so it should be easy.
Me: Uh, hiiii. I'm in security, not development. Can't help you, I really shouldn't even be here.
PM: I think Go has security built-in, does that help?
Me: ... I don't know, you need a developer.
PM: Do you know any Go people?
Me: I think that's something you should know.
- Silence enters the room -
PM: Yes perhaps, but you don't know anyone?

Fucking wat?

A minute of silence 😎😕

Hey DevRant Community :)
I've been a silence lurker till now, but I really do enjoy scrolling through your new rants everyday, :D ... I'm now quite terrified of my first job interview, but that's alright... I guess... ._.
What I'm trying to say is.... Have a great day everyone :3

Worst of many. Had to work with someone who could be accurately described as a monkey in trousers with strategically cut fur.

Him: "I have refactored code now I have to refactor all your goddamn unit tests"
Me: "so?"
<silence>
<checks his commit>
Me: "why have you commented out every single line in all the unit tests?"
Him: "I DON'T BELIEVE WE SHOULD HAVE ANY UNIT TEST. THEY ADD TIME".
Me:"You cannot be serious. Apart from the obvious mistake in judgement why in the name of blue buggery fuck did you not delete the files? Have you not heard of source history?"
Him:"...."

I became his lead.
He left.

Samsung's sending a “Note 7 Return Kit” with a Thermally-Insulated Box and Safety Gloves!!
2 mins silence to all those who purchased the note 7 😐

A moment of silence for the people working on weekends #respect.

Nights
Far less distractions
Almost dead silence
Only me and my screen

I had a co worker who was a bit of a robot with little to none tact or social skills (let's call him Bob Bot). Once, we had one of those company events where pointy haired boss had the cringe worthy idea of having everyone share an "unusual secret" about themselves as a team building exercise.

"So Bob Bot, what is your secret?"

Bob (in the same tone you would use to deliver the weather forecast): "So for those who don't know yet, I am polyamorous. This means that I have multiple sex partners at the same time."

(Dead silence in the room)

Bob: "Oh but wait...she gets to have multiple sex partners as well!"

And that kids, was a great example of gender equality!

diskpart

list disk

select disk 1

clean

*silence*

*more silence*

Fuck

I’m the embodiment of lazy...

I had turned on the TV in the living room earlier and put on sesame st. for my daughter to watch.

Some time passes, I’m trying to work in the back bedroom, have daughter in my arms and she’s falling asleep. I forgot to turn off the TV in the front room.

Didn’t want to get up from my desk so I just wrote up a powershell script to connect to the computer plugged into the TV and kill chrome. (The Computer sleeps after 10 minutes, and the TV shuts off after 10 more minutes of no display signal).

Script was successful as I heard Elmo laughing, then suddenly all was quiet 🤫

Lets have a moment of silence for the devs who created IE and Edge.

I'm sure many who worked on them are great devs and at one point were very proud and inspired by their work but upper management ultimately fucked everything up. The IE guys have since been ridiculed and the Edge devs had to create a peice of software that they knew was destined to be one of the most critically reviewed and ridiculed releases ever.

My heart goes out to all of you and we would love to hear your rants. Your welcome here anytime.

A moment of silence for the javascript devs downloading a 13MB of this guy along with their babel transpiler.

When the client asks why you billed them for something that was supposedlly your fault and takes a defense when you turn around with the emails and documentation to support that the code is working like it should and was requested by them... Awkward silence... And they still come back with well could you knock off half the hours. Client==fired

Side note.......have been having issues with this clent for a year so it was their time coming.

[OC] Don't let the nature get to you only as a pixels on your screen!

Free your mind and don't forget the real world is out there, waiting for you to help you think, calm yourself and please you in the silence of a forest ~

No fans spinning

I was sitting in the University when a cute girl we know asked us If we have a Chewing Gum with mint flavour. We hadn't, but a friend of mine replied with 'I've got Linux Mint! In case you wanna try... "

Advanced silence or about 3 minutes after that...

Apparently, working from home means "you are available 24/7 right?" at my current workplace. I am grateful that I have a job, but I do not dig getting emails or my guys getting harassed after hours for things that would normally have to wait until the next day.

I also dislike getting woken up by the Head of Department 1 hour to 2 hours before normal time because of something super-duper-zomg urgent that would normally wait. Which is why my phone is now on silence for phone calls and my notifications for emails is out after hours.

Hello {Project}, my old friend. I've come to debug you again
Because the scope is softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was developing
And the misery that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence...

In restless dreams I debugged alone
Narrow file of cobbled code
‘Neath the halo of a desk lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of git checkin
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand bugs and maybe more
People coding without asking
People coding without listening
People writing code that they never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

Fools, said I, you do not know
{Project} like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence.

And the people bowed and prayed
To the kludgy app they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said, the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sounds of silence

<-- Found in my documents, no clue where it's from

When Coronavirus become a household name, our Manager said:

"This is a good to time to build a real-time chat system like Zoom. If anyone is able to build something like it, it will help our company grow."

[Silence]

Manager: "There is a lot of demand."

[More silence]

Ladies and gentlemen... Can we please have a moment of silence for my PC which seems to be on her last legs...

CPU thermal throttling at 40 degrees celcius (CPU is on it's way out)
RAM is randomly having allocation errors
PSU isn't delivering optimal current
GPU only displays out of 2 DP ports

and for the very first time... Have had an SSD fail...

Pray for me people... Please

!rant
I have t shirt which has 1+1=10 written over it. In my family all are from non science background.so they laugh at me whenever i wear that shirt.
Once i got frustrated and yelled " you will never git it".
*,awkward silence*
Wish i had cs related family background -.-

A minute of middle-fingered-silence to those fuckers who buy expensive high end machines and play finch stupid video games like counter strike and all and fucking don't let their roommate sleep!!!!
Fuck you roommate!!
Fuck steam.

Jingle fuck, jingle fuck,
Jingle fuck away.
Oh what fun it is to hear
silence on the Christmas day.

"So, just show me the dirty and nasty things in this 'internet' thing...I mean, this nsfw stuff...c'mon..."

"How about the source code of my last project?"

<silence>

Poor soul...

A moment of silence for our fellow dev whom had to experience such a horrendous pain.

Dev lead on another team: Ok we can build that API for the mobile apps, we'll generate everything, generate printable images for the labels, persist it all and do all the relevant lookups and checks. Do you need an SLA?

Director: Yes, 9ms

*silence*

Lead: Sorry .... 9ms?

Director: yeah, its a must have

Lead: ... the speed of light wouldn't even let us transmit it that fast

I SWEAR TO FUCK IF ADOBE CANT GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER

WHY CANT AFTER EFFECTS LOAD AUDIO LONGER THAN 4 MINUTES

WHY DOES IT SILENCE THE AUDIO PAST THAT POINT

WHY DOES IT NOT NOTIFY YOU THAT IT WILL SILENCE THE AUDIO

IM GOING TO STRANGLE SOMEONE

Silence is underrated.

Recruiter: why did you quit last job
Me: why not? It was worth quitting 🤣

*Awkward silence*

Java script is like an angry girlfriend who won't tell you what is wrong.
This shit happened today.

Me: somearray.includes[stuff];
JS: I'm alright everything is fine.
Me: no it's not, Clearly the feature is not working.
JS:* silence*
Me: Fine be that way.. * spends lot of time debugging finally finds the issue*...oh shit.
Me: somearray.includes(stuff);
JS: I SAID NO TRAILING SPACE IN END OF THE LINE YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT NO TRAILING FUCKING SPACES AAAAHHHH!!!

A minute of silence for developer who don't have English keyboard and can't easily type ` or ~

Just realised my coding music sucks. Share your coding playlists!

This is a program of the Russian TV channel called CTC on 9th of May. From top to bottom:
- Shrek
- Shrek 2
- Shrek the Third
- A minute of silence for those who fell in the fight with the fascism
- Shrek the Third
- Shrek Forever

Success to me is silence. No phone calls, no emails, no "why doesn't this work?"

It's when you made something that works in the background, almost invisibly, that others could take for granted but that they also don't bother you with because it is still working as designed.

Just got my wireless, noise cancelling headphones for Christmas! Open floor plan, be damned!

Am I the only one who thinks recruitment processes are lower quality the more the industry evolves?

I just shocked an interviewer by saying i’m not checking all their boxes from the ad, after being pushed by their hr to take the interview, regardless beeing made sure by HR thats not a problem.

After interview radio silence. i don’t get it...first you headhunt someone, spend 3 weeks in convincing for an on-site and then you can’t even bother sending a “Dude you are not what we look for in the end” mail?

Guess I ask too much from recruiters, did anyone else encountered this?

Literally everone were advertising me LinkedIn as something awesome and life-changing.
So I've registered as well, filled it up with a lot of info. It's been about 6 months since then - still silence.
Such disappointment.

Open source...

Apple: F*** Open Source!!!! Money's our god!!!!

Google: Let's make MONEYYYYYY... and then give code

Microsoft: Ya... ok... yeah... no... sry but we have do to some money...

Linux: OPEN SOURCE FOR EVERYONE!!!!! IT'S FREE!!!!!! hey... guys... what ain't you coming, I'm lonely *Play "sound of silence"*

Client (on Tuesday): I was X features on my website before the weekend!
Me: Sure thing, I can do that. Just a reminder, my rates are $Y/hr and the changes won’t go up until I’ve been paid in full.

(Thursday morning)
Me: Here’s the changes you’ve requested on the test environment, please review. Also here’s the invoice for my work, as soon as that’s paid I can upload the changes.

Annnnnddd silence since then... I’m glad that I don’t have to count on just one client’s payment, but if you wanted before the weekend and I have it all set up, please don’t ghost me.

Finally, got this piece of beauty and badass combined, just to get some peace at work...

Now, dare those noisy neighbors, who doesn't silence their mobile and laptops, making loud chimes in IM, playing music on speakers and knocking at my desk when I'm on headphones and clearly don't want to be disturbed...

The worst one was my mother calling me to say "The ambulance is here so they are taking me to ER, I might have a stroke. Call you...".

And then silence... I called my brother who was as freaked out as me. As it was like a couple of months after my father died...

And she forgot her mother fucking smartphone!!!! The next fucking morning the hospital called us!!! Worst time ever!!!!

Head of department: Do we have license key for ubuntu os on our systems?

Lab assistant: Yess!!

Everyone else: No!!! It is open source

*awkward silence*

HOD leaves without saying a word after that

😂😂😂

After zero contact for approx 4-5 years I get an Instagram message:

Old work buddy: Hello, I have a website question for you
Me: Ok
OWB: Hope you’re well, btw
Me: *hmmmmm*
OWB: basically blah blah blah can’t get this part of this Wordpress theme to work
Me: I’ll have a quick look. Oh btw I have big news...
OWB: You up the duff?
Me: Yep!
OWB: Congrats...do you think you can help with the website?
Me: Probably not at the moment and it looks like a pig of a job to make the theme work properly.
OWB: *silence*

Sunday afternoon extra work..
New guy: what do you do?
Me: backend, mainly
New guy: c#?
Me: yeah, but not just..
New guy: so you're good at it?
Me: I'm a fucking proctologist

Awkward silence, followed by nerdy giggling

When the new keyboard you ordered arrives at work (it's for at home) and your team lead remarks 'that is a big dildo you got there'. I did fire back by asking him if he was jealous which led to sudden silence. Still disappointed in him, we do rib each other all the time but this feels sexist and inappropriate. I'm used to it and laugh it off but I'd still expected better of him.

A moment of silence for all those poor CS students who have to do hours of math exercises...

2 minute silence for people's
Who think solving 3*3 rubik cube is intelligent task!

Let's take a minute of silence for all of our fellow developers currently involved in monolith migration projects.

Head of IT department asked me to configure Apache from phpmyadmin. There occured 5 seconds of silence after he said that.

A minute silence for those who thought DevOps and BlackOps are related.
Amen.

Am I the only one that likes doing things alone?

I could unmnute myself and defuse this argument, but I'm too tired and burnt out.

Was on a call today...nobody knew who owned or was responsible for one of the servers. My manager has a great way of finding out...he says "If I take my hammer and smash the server to pieces...who gets pissed." A moment of silence then someone speaks up..."Oh well then that would be Joe down the hall."

That my friends is how to get answers. Threaten to break things.

A moment of silence to those working on multiple clients with multiple deadlines at the same time but still got time here.

So they took away our offices in favour of an open layout. This would have been fine if it was just us 3 devs and the manager, but we're sharing a space with network techs, help desk, the manager's secretary and an Accounts department all with little to no separation.

I'm now in the midst of incessant ringing of phones, idle chatter and raucous laughter with nowhere to retreat to for silence; I have no idea how/when I'm going to get any work done now. 😥😞

The organisation I work for is a f**king joke when it comes to management making any kind of logical decision.

Friend of mine who is not a Dev and loves to go out sees me few days ago with a couple of Dev friends...

Dude what's going on? Dude dude let me tell you about this chick... 1 hour later story ends. We gave him respect as one Dev should to a non dev and started talking about IDEs and how the new VS Code is pretty awesome.

He interrupts and goes ... that chick Venesa Code, is she hot? Would you?

Silence ... We would, we all would.

My friend is a 1st time programmer. When we learned about tabs vs spaces in our mandatory beginners c++ class, the friend said "what, you can use spaces?" and I said "yes, of course, like this!" and demonstrated it. The friends reply, without knowing about the controversy, made my day:

*silence*
"well, thats dumb"

Nightmare IRL:

Your colleague is in PTO for 2 weeks.

You are in charge of maintaining his project along with yours, CI, code, tests and everything.

Your colleague's code base is a real master piece of shit when you look at it closer. By shit, I mean hardcoded values everywhere, random sleeps now and then, 20 if branches that could be replaced by maps, variables named a b c d everywhere, try catch to silence errors that should not be silenced, etc.

Your colleague left the CI and code broken as shit. Takes forever to run on my goddamn computer.

PMs are spamming you: "What is going on? It's red everywhere. Help! Plz fix this! We are going to release tomorrow!"

FML

It's 2.30 a.m. here. Had a very emotionally bad day and I don't feel like sleeping now. Fuck you emotions!! :(
I guess I could enjoy the silence at least... and devRant

Just over heard, Dev A was reviewing another team's code ...
Senior Dev A: "I don't understand this teams code. I hate WebAPI. Wish we could use X."
Senior Dev B: "Why can't we use X?"
Senior Dev A: "It's frowned upon."
Senior Dev B: "By whom?"
- couple of seconds of silence -
Senior Dev A: "X is not a Microsoft technology"
- few more seconds of awkward silence -
Senior Dev A: "X is magnitudes slower than WebAPI anyway."
Senior Dev C: "What? How much slower?"
- caught off guard..didn't know Senior Dev C didn't have his headphones on -
Senior Dev A: "Um...I don't know, that is what you told me."
Senior Dev C: "I never said that. I've never used X. I prefer WebAPI anyway, but both WebAPI and X use REST based protocols, I doubt X is magnitudes slower. Actually, I think you told me WebAPI was slower."
Senior Dev A: "Different paradigm."
- second or two of silence -
Senior Dev B: "What?"
Senior Dev A: "Hey, did you see on twitter ..."

Have no idea where he thought that conversation was going. Maybe he was hoping the other devs would dog-pile/attack the code. Pretty funny it backfired. His face when Dev C said 'I never said that' was priceless. Like "Oh -bleep- ..how do I lie out of this one? ...quick, distract with random words or a twitter post"

At this day, July 18 in Eastern timezones, one of the globally recognized animation studios in Japan, Kyoto Animation - more known as KyoAni, has been deliberately burned by an arsonist, and has claimed 20 lives and counting.

Please give a moment of silence for the fallen in KyoAni. All they wanted was to make people smile despite the low wage situation and Japan and this happens.

A moment of silence to all those committed ranters whose swag never came. <fml/>

!Rant

How do you deal with open space offices?

I find it quite difficult to focus, the constant chatting, the constant questions, phone ringing, surprise meeting, more question, arrays of interruptions and questions again. I believe I would be a lot more productive if left alone in the total, undiscontinued silence.

Have you found your escape, your zen, your inner focus? Please share, I need some ideas

Yesterday I met my cousins who are old enough to have kids. It was a good talk with them bringing back the old memories. One of my cousins has a barely 5 year old kid. I tried to talk to her and the conversation went like this:

Me: “hey there! Hi, how are you?”

She: “Good. What do you do?”

Me: “I am a computer science engineer. What do you wanna be when you grow up?”

She: “A scientist.”

Me: **thinking calmly, “Oh, what kind of scientist?”

She: “A Data Scientist.”

Me: **Two seconds of silence and decides to leave...

The god damned education system in my country is completely fucked up. They teach TurboC++ in the name of programming, something that is no use in this world. This 80s ide is no use but it's compulsory to use turbo. Microsoft has fuckin removed support for 16 bit but they the syllabus won't change. I sent the concerned authorities an email about this but radio silence. This is too damn irritating.

Stories from a Startup #1

CEO walks into co-worker's office, staring longingly out of the window at the lake below.

After a brief moment of silence, the CEO speaks...

"I wonder if that swan ever thinks... about me?"

Can we all just have a moment of silence for BASIC...

Got caught in a YouTube spiral watching nostalgia need and never realised how big and important BASIC was when it came to home PC's (I'm 21 so have no actual experience with said PC's)...

Also that leads me to the question as to why BASIC isn't still used?

It's actually a really legible language ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

During the meting DevOps were discussing some problem, suddenly a PM spoke up "I am browsing SO right now and someone already had time problem before and it was answered. I don't know what XYZ is but why you didn't google the problem at first place."
A long moment of silence.
You can't help us with random SO post...

One day I will renovate our summer place, bring a top team of developers, spend the summer close to nature at a beautiful place where silence fucking exists and create something awesome.

*Me studying at the library*

*dead silence*

*A guy sits across the table with his laptop*

*starts typing*
KLICK KLACK KLICK KLACK KLICK KLACK KLACK KLICKITY KLACK

Inner Me: :-| *wth*
You couldn't type any more louder tha..

KLICK KLACK KLICK KLACK KLICK KLACK KLACK KLACK KLICKITY KLACK KLACK KLACK...

Maybe the big "Silence Please" sign doesn't count keyboard noises

His laptop had one of those soft touch keyboards, that no one would hear anything if you type on them.
I guess he was trying to be a pretentious hax0r or something lol

He left soon enough, so, that was fortunate.. 😅

Client: can you put the instagram icons on our websites.
Me: yes, could you send me the links?
Silence for 2 weeks.
Waiting for a bollocking now and I just know it's going to be my fault. Why are people such wankers. I fucking hate my job, the part that involves interacting with wankers with huge egos and no clue about anything.

Got a phone interview for a web dev internship while in school. I only took a very intro web design/dev course, and wasn't sure if I wanted to pursue that career. It went well in the beginning though I was getting more and more nervous. Then they asked what I learned in that class. I suddenly remembered something and rambled how the teacher talked about how outdated and not mobile-friendly tables are, and we should never use it in layout. There was a few seconds of silence and someone spoke out "well table is still very useful and we use it a lot in our website".
I didn't get the internship :-)

Me,: we devs need silence to be able to focus properly, and to develop good quality software.

Marketing guy: we need to hang a frame on the wall.

Other marketing guy: yeah, let's grab the drill and make several holes, fuck those devs.

A minute's silence for the "Known issues" ! 🤐

Sometimes I spend entire days working dark-to-dark with my headphones on

... without even listening to anything

And if I happen to be "in the zone", after the whole day of having my headphones on and not listening to anything, I take them off and feel like it's so quiet out of a sudden. It feels like I was in a noisy discussion (with myself) whilst I was "in the zone".

Just sharing my observations :)

Today:

Someone: OMGz I have a demo in an hour and I need X, Y, Z.

-at this point it's not a big ask-

Me: Ok there that's good.

Someone: Also A,B,C!!!

Me: Ok you need to tell me D, E, F...

-radio silence ... clock continues to click...-

ʅ（´◔౪◔）ʃ

My last day at my current company and damn, I couldn‘t be happier. Consulting was the worst decision I ever made and from tomorrow on I‘ll be free.

No more lying to clients, no more pushing of horrible products, no more silence towards problems because they didn‘t pay for a more expensive service.

I can finally stop hating myself for my job!

Colleague: Let's see the luna(r) eclipse.
Me: But that was a while ago.
Colleague: No it is today. Let's go out and see.
Me: Out.!! But how could you run eclipse there?
Colleague: What??
Me: What..?? Oh...!!
*awkward silence*

All the while I was thinking why would a node dev require eclipse, when he could perfectly work with something like vscode. Feels so stupid.

Craziest prep for an interview?

Way back when I interviewed devs, I prepped a bank of Simpsons and Star Trek trivia questions if the candidate answered one of the softball questions ("What are your hobbies?", etc ) that related to either subject. On rare occasion a candidate claimed to be a big trekkie so I asked..

<Deep Space Nine was in it's 5th season>
Me: "What was the name of Captain Sisko's ship?"
C: "Sisko? Was he from the original series?"
Me: "No, Deep Space Nine"
<awkward silence>
C: "Is that the new series?"
Me: "Not really, but lets do an original series question. What does the middle initial 'T' stand for in James T Kirk?"
<awkward silence>
C: "I have no idea. I don't think it stands for anything."

He didn't make the cut.

My boss at the time said I should not document any of those questions/answers just in case we are sued for discrimination.

TIL the best way to “win” an argument on Twitter is to simply abandon the thread when people think you should answer for your “crime” of having a difference of opinion and they start bringing social justice nonsense into it as a replacement for logic. They’re going on and on about how you are obligated to reply to them to answer for your alleged “privilege” and your silence just makes them sputter with rage.

My Favorite Senior Dev: Hmm, I don't understand this error.

Neighboring, Competent SQL Developer Coworker: What does it say?

Senior Dev: It says, "Cannot insert the value NULL into column 'person', table 'PEOPLE'; column does not allow nulls..."

*5 minute silence*

Alright ladies and Gents, i find this topic very interesting but who cannot code without listening and who cannot code without silence

If your in the music listening category, what music genre hits that coding sorcery zone for you?

There was a workshop about git in our university and I was the teacher.
After teaching main concept of version control and git commands I was talking about open source community and github repository. First I should notice /pul/ in my language means money.
When I was talking about pulling changes from repository one of the student raised his hand and ask me "Why they would give us money?"
After seconds of silence I had feeling between laughing and crying

How we click notifs in devRant.

1-1. SOMEONE mentioned you in a comment!

1-2. SOMEONE commented on your rant!

2. SOMEONE ++'d your rant!

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

999. SOMEONE ++'d your comment!

1000. One (or more) new comments on a rant/collab you commented on!

Sorry creators, but..... (silence, drops mic)

I'm at peace when PM speaks nothing

and

pay is coming.

Most awkward video conference call?

Our department is in a 'virtual' book club, reading The Unicorn Project, and I asked..
Me: "So what similarities have you seen with the Phoenix project and projects we work on here?"
Dale: "Ha ha..sooo many. The biggest is the disconnect of managers with no clue of what goes on."
<Vice president of our department also in the book club>
VP: "Really? Dale, I'd like to know more about this."
<awkward silence with blank stares all around>
DBA: "Come on Dale...spill the beans. Got the VP right there."
Dale: "Um...nope...not going there...nope"
<Dale's screen goes black>
VP: "OK, so when Maxine asks ..."

I swear every one of this week's weekly rant could be remixed together with the sound of silence playing over it all...

EDIT: now that I've said this I really want to do it...

Database lost connection to the application.
Chaos.
Anybody did anything on the network?
Silence.
Go to datacenter and start reviewing cables.
Nobody touch anything on the weekend? Really? It is not possible...
45min later looking into connectivity tracing... I just overhear:
"I just changed a switch, but nothing else. This is probably the DB having a hiccup."

Ughhhh! I hate our cable network maintenance!!

"Did you get it?"

"Yes. I GIT it"

* Silence *

"Oh. What were you saying?"

Things that happen when I'm coding.

I am not good with kids. I know I know. Last week or so, my managers kid thought it would be a good idea to hijack my meeting. I was sharing my screen and on full blown explanation mode, only to realise after my explanation, it was the kid who was looking at my face and not the boss man.
God I panicked. I was like 'Who the hell are you?'
--------*INSERT AWKWARD SILENCE HERE *---------

Name The Song.
One a side note, what do you listen to while coding? Do you need absolute silence to code?

Client A: "So, how about those features I told you yesterday? Can it work? Have you discuss it with your team?"

Me: "Yes, it would possibly have to extend the due date a little bit more..."

Client A: "Meaning?"

Me: "You have to pay more."

*Another 15mins awkward silence moment*

Client A: "I don't understand."

Seriously, get some other guy to do the meeting please...I am not good in PR....

My Unix class
👨‍💻using nice looking theme for vs code to edit my bash script

Prof: That's a nice looking theme( he thought it was vim theme)
Me: um.. um.. It's vs code, new guy in a town
Prof: uh! 🤔
Me: ( 5 sec silence) um, It's from Microsoft
Prof: GET OUT!

A moment of silence to the broken coffee machine

I must use windows at work and after 5 years of using mac I can say that windows is fucking loud, fucking beeps everywhere. Like you fucking do anything that has no results it’s beep - that’s fucking crazy I feel like I’m on some fucking road with assholes all over the place beeping on me.

I can work in silence on my mac, no software beeps by default.

Fucking Hell how can you listen to beep all day ?

Am I the only one thinking that VR is just a fad destined to die out in silence like 3D movies ?

I hate working in silence so I always have Netflix in the background. My boss doesn't mind. Anyone else does this?

I'm sending my love to all the millions of people out there suffering in silence, ones with unfathomable trauma and pain, all fighting battles known to none. I respect those who decided to end it all rather than to keep waiting for help that will never come to them.

was invited to contribute to a project. after about 60 commits in a row, multiple refactorings and several added modules it feels like having highjacked the project. the owner sits in silence. prolific but awkward.

Thanksgiving dinner:
"What are you doing these days"
"I'm a programmer"
"Ah"
*Cold silence*
"... Who watched football"
mfw

:/ rant
Lately more and more clients had been asking me to build their sites in Wordpress, wish follows by me asking them why. Their most common answer: - "Everybody is using it, because is easier to use and secure."

Me: (Silence)...

Late night after everyone has slept, switching on all the 3 monitors, reclining on a comfortable chair, fetching some snacks and coffee by the table gives me the perfect mood to code!
There is silence all around 😌

!rant

Anyone else who can't focus while listening to music? I can't grasp how that's not annoying to people.

The sound of silence.
For real, the best coding flows happen then.

If there is something that I can hear and process, my train of thought behaves like a dream behaves when you wake up in the morning.

Even worse are children, humming, whistling or munching as the ONLY sound in that silence, Im scorching inside when that happens.

If I can't be somewhere silent (preferably completely), I block the distractions with binaural beats and/or sound of rain.

Writing some software for a school while sitting in their support-department.
A teacher comes in and asks if we can find the email adress or facebook of a woman he met on vacation because he wants to send her something.
Someone asks: 'what do you want to send her?'
A two second long silence followed...
Everyone starts laughing.
Teachers... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

A company weekend in a homestead with a bathhouse and a cold pond.

After a good bathing [~x6 cycles] I'm in my bedroom [left the party early, really want to enjoy the calm and silence]. I thought it would be a good idea to charge my ITware overnight.

Apparently there's only 1 wall socket in the room. And now I have to choose: whether I want an electric heater to basically stay alive until the morning, or a full phone and lappy battery in the morning...

I made the choice

This annoying chick Snapchatting near my desk talking loudly to the phone. Wtf.

Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg broke several days of silence in the face of a raging privacy storm to go on CNN this week to say he was sorry. He also admitted the company had made mistakes; said it had breached the trust of users; and said he regretted not telling Facebookers at the time their information had been misappropriated.
From techcrunch article.

Whatsapp REALLY needs a feature to silence the notifications for messages that are image only!

I'm now stuck having to communicate with a group for work so I had to un-silence it's notifications but I get sent 100+ memes and videos a day by EVERYONE else.

As much as I love them if I have to stop coding to check my phone only to find a fucking meme one more time I think I'm gonna snap...

I absolutely agree to whatever there is above

It is profound..

HR: What is Java?
Me: Ah... OOP... uhm... is a programming language... *awkward silence*... Yep, that's all
HR: Congrats, you have bombed the interview

Source: Me from few days ago ._.

This wanker approached me via LinkedIn before new year to be team lead to a diverse team of devs spread over a few time zones.

The mission? Build a metacritic clone, but geographically constrained to New York.

Me : How much are you offering?

Him: <radio silence>

Windows 10 why you turn on my PC at night and then doing your restart for update AND AFTER THAT YOU CANT HIBERNATE PC LIKE IT WAS? YOU DUMBASS IM SLEEPING RIGHT NEXT TO THAT BEAST. I WANT SILENCE. Linux users pls rant with me. Thank you devrant, now I can go to sleep after sharing my frustration.

Am I the only one who loves fixing bugs?
*deadly silence*

Have you ever been hangover at work?
What's the worst hangover you experienced?

I once puked on my keyboard (just a little bit) and spent the next 2 hours cleaning it in total silence while my coworkers couldn't stop laughing and making jokes ;_;