'this' in JavaScript

Enough said :|

Well, this will be a good day.

( ・◡・)
＿(_つ/￣￣/＿
＼/＿＿/

Why not compile?

( ಥ__ಥ)
＿(_つ/￣￣/＿
＼/＿＿/

This describes my feelings so well...

Give this guy a medal

Other languages:
Go fuck your this.
Python:
Go fuck your self.

So, this is how my Android teacher indents his braces. I'm not sure what to think of this.

Please end my life!
This is in my IT book:

Frontend-developer's day is like:

*moving element by 0.0001px to right*:
- *10 new pages appeared*
- *text suddenly disappeared*
- *pictures pierced bottom of page*
- *window.alert("Kill me")*
- *it's night outside the window, but you totally sure a minute ago was a noon*

*moving element back*:
- *no pictures*
- *no text*
- *no moon*
- *10 blank pages*
- *only darkness left in this world...
...and this fcking element, yeah*

After months of agonizing work I found out my team mate deleted my code cause they thought it was useless. Then they come back and ask if I KNOW WHERE THE BUG IS. I now realize how true this is.

Today my manager told me she would get us phpstorm amongst other things If I requested them.

Sometimes I really want to hug this woman.

Awww yii phpstorm rules

Can we please stop with this shit... its seriously annoying...
Like "master" and "slave" are literally the perfect terminology to explain what is being described... please leave ideology at home...

Guy: you said you were a software developer right?
Me: Yes
Guy: Do you know how to reset my phone?
Me: You do know a reset will wipe out all contacts.
Guy: Yes
Me: What phone do you have?
Guy: iphone
Me: (looks it up on google and shows him it)
Guy: is that a special app?
Me: its google
Guy: oh

I swear this was tuesday night and i was the one out of us that was drinking

So I had a job interview and got offered the job on the spot, then I went back to my manager at my current workplace to raise an issue about me being underpaid for this months wages and this is how the conversation went.

Enjoy.

!dev
Just found out my house's heating system relies on this. A button, being held down by a bolt held by a zip tie. Who in their right mind looked at this, was like "this is fine" and left it there.
My dad, apparently.

The tweet says it all. I'm getting FAR less internet speeds than I'm paying for. I know that technically you get "up to" the speed you pay for but this is rediculous. I'm too lazy to call and fight with my shitty ISP, though. A simple Python script runs a speed test once an hour and if my speeds are less than a set number, it crafts this tweet and tweets at my ISP. I left it running a couple of weeks ago and.the last time I checked it's sent about 600 tweets. I have responses after responses from them but I'm waiting until it sends about a thousand tweets to reply, just out of spite. It continually amazes me the shit ISP's get away with.

I work at a small retail store and we have quite a few regular customers who know I'm studying computer science because I'm always coding at work on my laptop.

One lady who comes in quite often and is very sweet asked me if I would take a look at her phone. She said she bought it and paid the owner of a phone repair store to set it up for her, but was felt like he did something weird to it. I told her I wasn't an expert but would look at it.

Oh my god. This guy set up her phone connected to his own personal icloud account. All of his music was on there. All of his contacts were on there. All of his pictures were on there. Even nude pictures of multiple people that this lady said she definitely does not know. I tell her this is very very wrong and no one in their right mind should've set her phone up this way.

I automatically think to factory reset. I'm unfamiliar with iPhone, as the last time I used one was an iPhone4 many years ago. I was unaware that apple applies an authentication lock when the phone is reset.
The authentication is set up underneath yet ANOTHER email address that belongs to this guy, as this lady promised me she has no knowledge of any email address similar to the one listed, nor does she have access to it.

I tell her to call the guy and ask for her money back and to unlock her phone so that she can reset it herself.

He claims that he cannot accept refunds if a factory reset has been performed.

Uhm, I am calling SOOOOO much bullshit. There should be absolutely no reason why the owner of the phone cannot factory reset it. The owner should be able to do ANYTHING she wants with it, without being locked out of it because some creep at a repair store did NOT DO HIS JOB CORRECTLY AND HE KNOWS IT. Why else would he claim he can't refund if it's been reset, because he KNOWS she got locked out.

So long story short I talked on the phone with him and cussed him out telling him he was wrong for taking advantage of someone who doesn't know much about technology and that he was invading privacy and violating her security and that i would report him if he didn't fully refund her and unlock her phone.

He gave her all of her money back, unlocked the phone (which she is deciding to sell because she got so scared by this), and I'm still filing a complaint against this man and his store. Who knows how many more clueless people he did this too. Fucking scumbag.

drunk me: "let's just code a bit right before going to bed!"
*codes and then goes to bed*
sober me: "when and what did i do here?"
(...)
also sober me: "how the hell does this work?!"

Damn. This is fantastic.

dev-caption this

It's my first day here and I LOVE this place. Everyone is so awesome and helpful and smart! Thanks for making me feel at home! <3

This is what I have to deal with right now... 🙂🔫
Why?
Why would you not comment or name your variables so someone else can understand wtf is going on here?
Why!?

Fuck this guy who calls himself a fullstack developer after doing a HelloWorld with Node.js and a bit of flex box.
No. Really. Stop with this bullshit.

"Do you like your job? I mean, all those collored lines in that funny font... sitting at the desk with this adorable rubber duck... Do you guys jus".....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Me: "SHUT UP YOU STUPID ASSHOLE!!! I MADE 26 COMMITS DURING THIS FUCKING DAY, THE DAY THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE LAST WORKING DAY OF THIS SHITTY YEAR! I HAVE NOT SLEPT AS I SHOULD AT ALL CAUSE THIS FUCKING MIGRATION OF NEW YEAR'S UPDATE AND NOW... AHH NOW YOU STUPID FYCKING PSYCHO... NOW I HAVE TO CONTROLL MYSELF DURING NEXT DINNER WITH FRIENDS, HAVE NO MUCH ALCOHOL CAUSE DURING SUNDAY, EVEN ITS A FUCKING HOLIDAY AND EVEN IF I AM IN A LOOONNGG HANGOVER, I DO STILL NEED TO COMPLETE THIS FUCKING NEW YEAR MIGRATION YOU ASS PUNK! GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU LITLE USELESS TINY LITLE SHIT!!!"

And this is how I see my new years resolution: the time is priceles doing this questions to me...

Happy new year, fellazz! 💃🎆🎉

So there it fucking goes.

Hi. I'm WillibertXXIV.
I'm not a programmer by trade; I have a more than fulltime job as a cook. As for the last year, I spent pretty much all my free time, overlapping my sleep time, to learn how to code.

All that so I can create a game that I started working on the same day I started my learning process. So far it's shit and it's going to stay that way for a long time. Only I can say this. It's my baby. It's fucking ugly and shit but it's mine.

Yesterday I broke it. I broke my baby. I don't know how it fucking happe. When I went to sleep I had a steady 175fps, nice realtime lightning and player / enemy that flowed like running water. I worked really hard to make that happened. Profiling, writing better code, profiling, etc. It's still not good, it's less shit.

I woke up, beautiful day. Not too warm, not too cold, that sweet spot right in the middle. Girlfriend already made the coffee. Perfect. Woke up, sat down to start my morning time work before going to my realjob and

BAM

Everything is shit, 20fps max. That one thing, gfx.waitforpresent, showing up in the profiler eating everything as the game run. Movements are now of stroboscopic nature. Light is still ok but what good does it do now fucking piece of shit. I'm not qualified enough for this shit.

Fuck,
Fuck this,
Fuck this shit,
Fuck this shit i'm out of here.

I made this

I'm 20, and I consider myself to be as junior as they come. I only started programming seriously in June 2016,and since then, I've been doing mainly Android Work, and making my own servers and backends(using AWS/Firebase nd stuff).
For the first time in life, I was approached by a recruiter for a company on linkedIn. They "stumbled upon" my Github profile and wanted to see if I was interested in an internship opportunity. This company is an early stage start up, by that I mean a dude with an idea calling himself the CEO and a guy who "runs a tech blog" and only knows college level C programming (explaination follows).

So they want me to make the app for their startup. and for that, I ws first asked to solve a couple problems to prove my competence and a "technical interview" followed.
They gave me 3 questions, all textbook, GCD of 2 numbers, binary search and Adding an element to the linked List, code to be written on a piece of paper. As the position was that of an Android Developer, I assumed that Java should be the language of choice. Assumed because when I asked, the 'tech blogger' said, yeah whatever.
But wait, that ain't all, as soon as I was done, Mr. Blogger threw a fit, saying I shouldn't assume and that I must write it in C. I kept my cool (I'm not the most patient person), and wrote the whole thing in C.
He read it, and asked me what I've written and then told me how wrong I was to write 2 extra lines instead of recursion for GCD. I explained that with numbers large enough, we run the risk of getting a stackoverflow and it's best to apply non recursive solution if possible. He just heard stackoverflow and accused me of cheating. I should have left right then, but I don't know why, I apologized and again, in detail explained what was happening to this fucktard. Once this was done, He asked me how, if I had to, I'd use this exact code in my Android App. I told him that Id rather write this in Java/Kotlin since those are the languages native to Android apps. I also said that I'd export these as a Library and use JNI for the task. (I don't actually know how, I figured I can study if I have to).
Here's his reply, "WTF! We don't want to make the app in Java, we will use C (Yeh, not C++, C). and Don't use these fancy TOOLS like JNI or Kotlin in front of me, make a proper application."
By this I was clear that this guy is not fit to be technical lead and that I should leave. I said, "Sir, I don't know how, if even possible, can we make an Android App purely in C. I am sorry, but this job is not for me".
I got up and was about to leave the room, when we said, "Yeah okay, I was just testing you".
Yeah right, the guy's face looked like a howling monkey when I said Library for C, and It has been easier for me to explain code to my 10 year old cousin that this dumbfuck.
He then proceeded to ask me about my availability, and I said that I can at max to 15-20 hours a week since my college schedule is pretty tight. I asked me to get him a prototype in 2 months and also offered me a full time job after I graduate. (That'd be 2 years from now). I said thank you for the offer, but I am still not sure of I am the right person for this job.
He then said, "Oh you will be when I tell you your monthly stipend."
I stopped for a second, because, money.
And then he proceeded to say 2 words which made me walk out without saying a single word.
"One Thousand".

I live in India, 1000 INR translates to roughly $15. I made 25 times that by doing nothing more than add a web view to an activity and render a company's responsive website in it so it looks like an app.

If this wasn't enough, the recruiter later had the audacity to blame me for it and tell me how lucky I am to even get an offer "so good".
Fuck inexperienced assholes trying shit they don't understand and thinking that the other guy is shitsworth.

To all dutch people on here, the new surveillance law I ranted about a month or something ago has passed if my source is correct.

Passed as in, the government has voted in favor.

Time to start encrypting/vpn'ing/torring and securing your computers!

Feel free to use this rant's comment section as Q/A and tips section for this subject as well :)

So, you fucking moron text me IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT(when I was trying to sleep) AN ABSOLUTELY MORONIC QUESTION and when I don't respond, because MY PHONE IS ON FUCKING SILENT BECAUSE I WANT TO SLEEP, YOU GET ANNOYED THAT I DON'T RESPOND AND SPAM ME WITH OVER 100 MESSAGES! WTF!?
Needles to say, I was FUCKING PISSED THIS MORING and I send them a lmgtfy.com link(because the answer is literally the first result) THEY GET ANGRY AT ME AND CALL ME AN "ABSOLUTE JERK AND WORST PERSON EVER" (yes, that's exactly what they wrote back)!

FUCK YOUR ASS WITH A CACTUS UNTIL YOU BLEED TO DEATH, YOU FUCKING SCUM!

Made myself a little sparker :3 judging from the spark gap, the output is about 6-7kV I guess. Can't measure it though, it's way too high for my multimeters to handle. Taser, beefed up bugzapper module, electronic cigarette lighter, so many possible uses for this thing 😋

I recently had the problem with my Galaxy S8 that my camera won't focus. Searched for solution. Found one which said: "Just hit the side of your phone when the camera is on."
Problem fixed, camera focuses again.
I like this kind of problem fixing.

It is 23:00 here in Germany and im about to start the nightshift in the workshop, but its 31°C outside and even warmer in here.
How am i supposed to write the CNC program?!
Its like Satans Anus in here. Fuck this climate change, we need to stop destroying our Planet.
Anyway, im going to tape my portable Fan to my swamp ass and hope for the best

The man who runs my IT department. The man who is in charge of all things and people that are technical: IT management software development, infrastructure, training, help desk, system administration​, etc. A man with a staff of fifty plus. If you were to peel back the flesh on this man's head and crack open his skull you would find dung beetles feasting on the feces that power his thoughts and motor functions. Underneath this foul membrane, if you could push past the maggots; the meal worms; his undying love for hourly binges of Johnny Walker Black on any day of the week with a name that contains a vowel; his fascination with shiny objects and his endless internal monologue wondering when they would hatch rainbow ponies that fly; his desire whenever he enters a paint store to open all the cans of paint and taste the different colors; if you could push past all of the vile crap that exists where Thomas Aquinas once theorized there was a soul, you would find a colony of paramecia at the end of their short lives laughing hysterically at how much smarter they were than the host they lived in.

This man was in charge of hiring the Manager of Software Development. The manager I report to. After seven months of ignoring this chore; after interviewing the sum total of four candidates; after making a point to tell myself and a colleague that there was no one qualified to fill this position within our company (an opinion that is both untrue and, when spoken, runs afoul of internal hiring policies) this man hired a soulless cretin with no experience in software development or with running a software development group. A man who regularly confuses web servers and SQL servers. A man who asked me how my previous manager reviewed my work, was told by me that said previous manager read my code, and then replied in his capacity as the manager of software development that "looking at code is a compete waste of time for a manager." A man so without any humanity or reason for being that he will sit silently, creepily, in conference rooms with the lights off waiting for meetings to begin. Meetings he has scheduled. That have no reason for being in the first place. Just like himself.

Shortly before the man in charge offered the Dev Manager job to the simulacrum of human flesh that is my manager, he met with me and others who had been involved in the interview process. When I informed him that hiring someone with no technical knowledge for a very technical position would be a mistake that he would suffer through for years, he replied in reference to his future hire that "his managerial experience makes up for his lack of technical knowledge."

Best. Prank. Ever. Worst prank ever too. Fuck.

You know what I realized we should always say no for demo driven application development.

We should always ask for enough time do a proper development and if its not enough, shouldn’t write a single line.

Because once we deliver a working demo. Its release ready for them because its FUCKING WORKING..

And trying to explain why this is just a demo and cant be put to production is even bigger pain in the ass than saying no in the beginning.

LESSON LEARNED .

Fuck YOU Xcode!

20 crashes since I started working this morning.

Restarted the iMac, same shit.

Cleared NVRAM/PRAM whatever its called, same shit.

Closed EVERYTHING, restarted iMac again, unplugged from the wall, left it few mins, replugged back, turned it on, continued working, AND IT STILL KEEPS FUCKING ME OUT OF NOWHERE.

FUCK THIS, FUCK XCODE, FUCK APPLE, AND FUCK WHOEVER DARES TO THINK THAT ITS A GREAT PIECE OF SOFTWARE, im done.

P.S. this rage got me to a point where i had to make this paper

Dev: this will take around three sprints to complete.

Product owner: weeelllll I think you can manage it in one..

The office toilet chronicles - episode 3

Someone left shit on the toilet seat. That's right. Shit. On the toilet seat.

This is the second time this happens. I'm working with fucking monkeys here. One of these days they'll start throwing feces at each other. I just hope I'll be long gone when it happens.

Why the fuck would you assign two new values to the same variable in consecutive lines like that ? I swear this project is driving me nuts. Fuck the dev who wrote this.

Worst. Fucking. News. "Your work is going to start getting outsourced. It's only $10/hr in India. Yes your job is at risk. Yes this includes the whole team of 10 people." Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Heard this recently:
JS always make me wanna say Fuck this shit! But I can never be sure what this refers to!

Our division lead's second in command offered to help me white board and get promoted.

This dude is one of my major role models. He would become my boss instead of the sexist, backwards tyrant of a bastard that I currently report to.

I asked him a question and wound up being told to join their study group and to let him know what I need help with in terms of resume, etc.

There are a few lights at the end of this hell hole of a tunnel. I have a few other options, too.

FUCK THIS! im going home, and the client can suck it

When I find a video tutorial I like,

"Hey! I might actually watch this in normal speed instead of the usual 2x".

Been reading devrant posts for a month or so, this is my first actual post. I'm hoping it will be therapeutic. ☺️ I need something to keep me from killing my boss when I see him again tomorrow..

Some backstory: Currently working in HR for the last 7 or so years with complete shit for brains boss, even worse when it comes to anything related to technology. For almost two years I've been working to get another bachelor's degree. This time in computer sciences, to make a career switch to systems and software engineer. Last week I roughly had the following wonderful conversation:

Boss: we've needed new Recruitment software for a while now. Can't you make us one as a school project?

Me: 'Make us one?' It's not really that simple.. I'm barely halfway through my education, maybe I could do it, but it would take me quite a long time even if I could work on it fulltime.. Combining a halftime job with a fulltime education is taking up enough of my time as it is and I have more than enough school projects btw..

Boss: it would be a win-win. Work a little harder in your spare time and when you graduate you have a real-life project on your resume.

Me: I'm sorry, i'm failing to see the 'win' for me here.. I work 10 hours a day, 7 days a week on average, trying to combine work and studies. I'm pretty much maxed out..

Boss: Your coworker(also extreme dumbass) told me you wrote some quick code the other day that helped him out. Don't underestimate yourself, I'm sure you can do this.

Me(in complete disbelief by now): I wrote him an Excel-macro! They don't even teach me that at school. It's a very very very long way from actual software development! I'm sorry, it just can't be done.

Boss: Thats too bad. I expected you to welcome an opportunity like this and be more motivated towards this company..

Me: ***more disbelief and silence, just staring at him***
I'm sorry you feel that way.
***walked away***

WTF, I work my ass off for 7 years for this fucking shithead.. Even before I started this bachelors degree I had at least some understanding of the work developers put in their software. It blows my mind, no, it fucking angers me how people think making software is so simple.. Why do you think it's a 3-year education you fucking cunt?

Please, someone tell me how I can keep myself from ramming his fucking head through a wall tomorrow...

I love devRant. But the people constantly saying "Python is shit" OR "Windows is for idiots" OR "Never use C it's ancient" OR "Microsoft sucks" OR any other fucking subjective opinion that's absolutely worthless drive me crazy.

I see many people here asking "Should I do [option1] or [option2]?" And the only responses are "[option3 which is not a fucking option you degraded fuck who thinks his/her opinions somehow matter in this discussion while they are clearly NOT helping]"

Sorry but this place has "Rant" in it's name so I thought this would be appropriate.

"ThE FIrsT ThiNg a Pr0GraMmer saYs whEn hE iZ b0Rn iZ HELlo w0Rld"

Damn, that is

So
Fucking
Funny

I wonder. Do the people that find this shit amusing are just discovering what programming is? Shit is so fucking cringey man.

Recently my company worked in project with a big international company which uses a crazy framework to build a part of there webpage. This framework only used random IDs and class names and not even different html elements. And to completely freak out all elements are positioned absolute and on every change the whole page go rendered.

One step through the door my wife whips around, a look so disgusted she barely seems human. "What's that smell?" she cries. "It's you! You smell like...like bad code!"

Indeed, I am covered with the scent of the forbidden love child of a man who read half a chapter on if-then statements and then pushed out into the world, earthworm-like, a mangled misshapened gelatinous mass that my employer gave the title of line-of-business application purely out of pity.

For more days than I'd like to count I have been porting a ColdFusion 5 application to .NET. Initially written in 2000 and last touched in 2006, it has a data architecture comparable to Dresden after the second world war. It features a table solely comprised of seven columns of IDs so that joins can be made between other tables lacking a common key. Columns that should be contained within a single table spread out among multiple tables. Single columns containing data that should be multiple columns (with handy flags to separate the subsets). A view with 14 joins that playfully displays unintended results. And so much more spread out over almost 200 stored procedures, views, triggers, and tables on the SQL server, and dozens of additional ADO-like SQL statements within the ColdFusion itself. Fortunately, the application overcomes these issues by having absolutely no data validation while allowing nulls pretty much everywhere.

When I am done this will be a very nice ASP.NET MVC app with at least 150 less stored procs, views, and tables. Auto-generated duplicate entries will be a thing of the past. Pop-up windows that inexplicably refresh the underlying screen to display a different part of the program than the one the user wants will be eliminated. And a UI based on the colors of a Rubik's Cube with usability that Mr. Rubik would find challenging will disappear with only the trauma of using it left behind.

Sadly, this is not my worse legacy code experience. Just the most recent. Just the most recent stench added to a lifetime of bathing in code rot.

When you write code and forget to comment it, and then you come back and try to figure out why the heck you wrote certain parts of it.

Let this be a lesson for future me.

After working for about 3 years of my life I've established the following;

Work is mostly stupid people praising other stupid people about their stupid work, while clever people remain in the shadows. Will this be true for the rest of my career or am I just working at a company with a bad culture?

Strating on a quite big project today because for one, it seems awesome to build it, two, i really need it and three: I don't think i have the skillset to pull this off so it's an awesome challenge/learning thing!

This will be the first time where I'll actually have to make a technical design first because otherwise it'll become a mess.

I'm both super excited and nervous 😁😅

Worst client request.
Craziest client.
Worst accident.
Accident you thought were impossible in the dev world.
Story time, that one time where you f*cked up really bad.
Best boss.
Nicest client.
Most satisfying hobby project.
Best dev food.
Most helpful accident.
Your favorite project you had to trash, explain why.
Weirdest thing someone asked you to fix because you worked with computers.
Most memorable thing from devRant.
Best thing to happen to you because of devRant.

Its 6am and i feel productive, its not even my app got dammit.

Project you took too far.
Best/worst drunk coding experience.
Weirdest thing you ever ended up fixing because you know stuff about computers.
Worst setup you have seen someone have.
Worst treated hardware you have ever seen.
Best skill to have picked up because of your interest for development, but isnt completely dev related.
Best/worst choice in your carreer, what happened.
Sketchiest email a coworker, friend, boss or client sent.
That one accident that prevented you from using your computer or the internet.
Moment when you thought your dev environment would get a huge boost, but ended with a plot twist.
Worst disturbance while working.

If i come up with more ill either post again, or comment here. This was all i could get off the top of my head, believe it or not.

Edit, gotta add this one: Cable porn

"Make it a bit more darker"
Me - "Okay"
"Ummm..a bit more lighter? Sorry, this is such a minor change,I figured it wouldn't need any documentation"
Me - "It's alright"
"Could you please make this text small, and reduce the opacity to 70%"
Me - *Rise in the levels of mental irritation, body's and blood's temperature*
"Oh and don't forget to add some tint to the background"
"Hey, sorry I forgot. We need to add another text below this image."
Me - Oh man oh man

Fucking son of a bitch force pushed to git effectively deleting 4 hours of my work and was keeping his mouth shut for two days while pushing ontop of that bullshit during these days and completely minifiying that file I was working on to make sure that he makes my life miserable.Fuck this fucking shitty ass retarded fucker for doing this SECOND time already!

Cleaning up some code when,

render () {
...
...
{this.renderSomeComponent()}
...
}

me checks renderSomeComponent

renderSomeComponent = (blabla) => {
if (this.shouldRenderComponent()){
doSomething()
}
}

me checks shouldRenderComponent

shouldRenderComponent = () => {
return false;
//unfinished single line of code
}

...
...
...

Git blame, “some guy who already left”, 7 months ago,

How can this shit even got merged to master??

Imagine this Speed at home 😱

When you find this on an open-source project's git log -> :facepalm:

Fuck this stupid fucking shit!
It takes 10 days of fucking planning and meetings and bullshit just to send data from one app to another using the same backend!!

I warned about this a fucking year ago. They said nooooo, we will never need to use this again. Now I have to write redundant code just because the old services were so hardcoded, as fucking always with these shoes-for-brain retards.

We could've re-used the same module with no changes at all for fucks sake.

I am surrounded by fucking idiots...

Fuck old farts trying to enslave us by censoring internet,
fuck socialism,
fuck globalization,
fuck cloud services,
fuck city surveillance,
fuck internet surveillance,
fuck RFID that enslaved animals,
fuck IoT constantly looking at our life,
fuck artificial intelligence.
It’s becoming fucking nightmare.
Time to make tools to fight against technology and people that intrude our life with this shit.
Where the fuck is John Connor ?

Want to be a pro Linux hacker? Just type this one simple command!

sudo dd if=/dev/zero of=/

It will solve all of your problem! It automatically installs the best Linux hacker distro!

I have seen it. They say it doesn't exist; just a story we tell our children so that their innocence does not lead them down into a nightmarish adulthood from which there is no salvation. But the evil lives. So vile that were you to look inside its soul, all you would find is a terrible desperation for suffering. To cause it. To revel in it. To bathe in the tears of those it considers less than human and feed off the emotional detritus.

It was 2009. The financial crisis. I was one of the lucky, having found refuge in a large company right before the jobs dried up. General IT: system administration, documentation, project management, telephony, software training, second level help desk. No software development, but with a two-year-old at home and Ph.D.s lining up outside the local Olive Garden whenever a help wanted sign was posted, I grabbed the health insurance and entered into darkness.

The Thing did not need to hunt it's prey. A manager title with 21 reports brought it new opportunities for fresh meat by the hour. But I was special. I resisted. I needed to know my place.

My first mistake was incomprehension. I did not understand the Thing's lust to be right at all costs. I was reviewing some documentation it had brought forth from its bowels. I mentioned that two spaces were being used between sentences. That proportional type made that unnecessary. It insisted, I was wrong. It insisted that Microsoft itself, the purveyor of all good technical writing, required two spaces. I opened the Microsoft Manual of Style for Technical Publications that it demanded its staff use and showed it that the spec was one space. It was livid. I was a problem.

From that point on my work life became exponentially more wretched. I was given three Outlook calendars to maintain: one with my schedule, one with the team's schedule and one with the Thing's schedule. Every time I had an appointment, I was to triple schedule it. If I was going to be away from my desk for more than 15 minutes triple schedule. Triple schedule my lunch, vacations, phone conferences.

Whenever it held a meeting, I and a colleague would be taken off mission critical IT projects to set tables with name tents and to serve as greeters as attendees arrived.

I was called into its crypt to be told never to say anything in a meeting unless I told the Thing beforehand what I was going to say. Naive, I mentioned that I often don't know what I will say as it is often in reply to someone else. Of course the response was that I should not say anything.

I would get emails 10-20 times a day asking about a single project. I would regularly complete work that was needed to be completed ASAP, only to have the Thing rake me over the coals for not completing it a week later. And upon resending the emails proving I notified it of the work being competed, disparaged at length a second time for not sending repeated notifications of the competed work.

I would have to sit in two-hour meetings to watch it type. Literally watch it try to create cogent thoughts. In silence.

I received horrendous annual reviews. At one, it created a development plan that stated a colleague would begin giving me lessons on the proper ways to socially interact with personnel. I pointed out to HR that this violated privacy concerns and would make the business liable in many areas, not least of which would be placing a help desk person in the role of defining proper business practice. HR made the Thing remove this from my review. She started planning to remove me.

I had given a short technical training to a group of personnel months earlier. Called into its tomb I was informed that feedback surveys on my talk were disturbing. One person stated that they did not think I was funny. Another wrote that I made an offensive statement. That person did not say what the offensive statement was. Just that I had said something he or she didn't like.

The Thing interviewed the training attendees. Gathered facts. Held three inquest-like meetings where multiple directors peppered me with questions trying to get me to confess to my offensiveness. In the end the request to fire me was brought to the man who ran the business at the time. The statement on high: "Humor is a subjective thing. Please tell This to be sensitive to that."

The Thing had failed, but would no doubt redouble its efforts. I had to find a new job. I sent hundreds of resumes. Talked to dozens of recruiters. But there were no jobs. And I had a family. And the wolf was at the door.

So I didn't say a word to the creature. For six months. Silence. At one group meeting it shrieked at me "what are you smirking at? If you've got something to say then say it!" I just shrugged. For my salvation was revealed. The Thing could not stand to be ignored. And at the end of my penance I was transferred to another group: Software Development.

I am one with the Force. The Force is with me. I am one with the Force. The Force is with me.

A couple of years ago (2015)...

Me: If i'm going to develop iOS Apps i need a Mac, big screen, etc...
Boss: Ok...

A few days go by...

Boss: Ok, we've ordered a Mac already
Me: good.
Boss: It's that small one, will be ok...
Me: <Check mac models and wonder the implications of "small">
Boss: It's the cheapest one plus a 21 inch monitor. Keyboard and Mouse you already have...
Me: <incredulous> At least order a mac keyboard...

Time goes by... Boss comes to discuss something about the app... i change something and check on the emulator (yes no real devices...) and boss complains:

Boss: Incredible, this machine is so slow...
Me: <throws a shrug>

Conclusion... still developing on this machine... damn.. i can read a newspaper every now and then while waiting for the machine to comply...

Fml...

Me: ya hi, we integrated with your API and I'm receiving error x
Provider: ok we'll disable validation, plz check
Me: ya it works, what's the problem? I used a GUID for id and I'm sure it's unique, here is URL and request body
Provider: you have something wrong in your implementation. Fix it and it will work
Me: aaand what's the wrong part of my implementation?
Provider: id is not unique, fix it. *Hangs up*

I sometimes sit and wonder, how and why does this kind of people get hired, FOR FUCK SAKE YOU ARE THE PROVIDER AND YOU DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG!
fucking useless ...

Is this devRant or childRant? You never know 🙄

Where is "this" pointing to??? 😦

I did it again some crazy shit.
This time running dishonored on linux tablet with wine.
Surprise it runs pretty good.
20-30 fps wooooow.
Even Skyrim got less.

Boss : Can you please make a page where I can add a magazine cover image, summary and source urls.

Me : Sure.
..
..
..
Me : here you go.

Boss : How do I upload multiple images in this page ?

Why is everybody too dumb to just walk... why are people like this:

if(isSomebodyWalkingBehind()) {
stop();
sleep(10000);
}

Broken app is broken again. This app is broken so often and so hard, I'm struggling to give a damn.

These fuckers need to take their shitty project, code and managers especially, and launch them into Mars

They blame us and everyone else for their shit and I'm done with it. I need to sleep and not have these fools call me at all fucking hours.

Another Google rant:

Why the fuck am I shoved this cancerous apps in my face by Google?

I have reported them and show 'not interested' countless time and yet being prompted to install the crap in my phone again and again.

My recruiting friend showed me this today. Have you ever seen such majesty? 😂😂😂

I told colleagues that I had little to do before Christmas... half an hour later, one of our (whackiest) senior devs stands before me, holding out a Rubiks Cube. " I heard you have nothing to do, solve this!" >.< xD

I showed my mother that i have spend 3 days trying to solve an algorithm.

Now she understands that I'm not spending all day playing games and support me with this career I'm trying to succeed.What is this sorcery?What happened to my mother that used to yell at me because i was spending some good hours in front of the pc and thought I was playing games at any time.

Want a backend in Node? You got it. PhP using the plethora of frameworks available? No problem.

Feeling like a gipsy guitarrist and want to lay it down with Django? Good taste!

In a hurry and need your startup off the ground with React integration in rails? Piece of cake.

Feeling springy and want you some coffee and Java with your app? A la carte.
Wanna pull my leg and force me to do .net? Mm ok if you insist.

You sure you want Perl with that? Ok no problem.

.....but you sit me and my awesome powers of backend mastery and force me to do css and design all week and you literally destroy my soul......this shit is soul crushing I swear.....

One hour later and you come up with this shit? Really Windows?!

Me: Hey man, this code looks horrible, let's move this to a function.
Co worker: don't worry, we will make it better later
Me (thinking): yeah for sure...

This rant goes to my best friend.

Fuck you!

You do not fucking argue with people for doing what they like! So what if I want to use linux? What fucking problem does that make? Am I now a hacker fanboy for wanting to use a terminal instead of fucking pointing and clicking on shit like a monkey? Am I not allowed to want my privacy and free open-source? What? I shouldn't browse internet without getting my personal info stolen? Oh, they're tracking criminals? Then why don't you install a camera in your fucking living room so you can help them out? And don't fucking get me started on why I don't want to use Windows 10.

Fuck fucking fuck fuck. I know he's a good friend but this fucking shit gets my blood boiling.

Earlier I was viewing my HTML document, but when I opened it this popped up. Musdguest is the name of my school's WiFi, and this kinda looks like the source code for my school's website...?

I am quitting my job in the next couple of weeks. I don't even have a job lined up. I can't deal with doing Design work as a developer when you have a whole ass design team. Like what the fuck. Then I nearly do development. Oh and your gonna bitch at me when I mess up in design, then threaten to fire me? Well you can shove that shit all up your entire ass. Fuck this Job. I am doing my own thing. I don't care if I become homeless cause Fuck I'll be more happier I did that then be at this concentration camp. I am gonna live my life and own. Cause fuck everything corporate Jobs is fucking life sucking. Please Fire me. I GIVE NO FUCKS ANYMORE. Sick of being depressed and stressed. I want to be a real developer!!!! argghhhhhhhhhhhh

LONG RANT ALERT, no TL;DR

* Writes an email to colleague about why I can't create a page on our CMS without at least a H1 title. She wants to me to put up an image with text on it (like a flyer), for multiple reasons, I say I need a textless image. *

30 minutes later:
* Casually plans a frontend optimization project, by looking at files on the CMS, in order to make further development easier and less time-taking*

*** EMAIL NOTIFICATION ***
* clicks *

"Hello, this is [Graphic designer] from the company who created the image with text on it. I do not understand why you can't put display:none on your <h1> tag. Also, being a web company, we are used to making themes and my solution of display:none will work. It's pityful to work on a design only to have it stripped out from most of its concept. If you can't do that, do tell me what resolution you need."

My first reaction:

"Dear [Graphic designer], I am managing our corporate identity, our backend and frontend codebase, I am a graphic designer myself, and am also SEO-aware. For at least 8 reasons (redacted, 'cuse too long), I will need an image without text. As told to my colleagues, I need a 72/96 DPI 16:9 ratio image, 1920x1080 is a good start but may be bigger. Also, looking at the image, it'll have to be in JPG, at 100% quality, exported for the web. Our database software will optimize the image by itself."

Reasons are about SEO issues, responsiveness issues, CMS tools issues, backend and frontend issues.

Instead, I sent following email "We can't. Image please."

I mean seriously. A bit of clarity for you:

In my company, nobody has the slightest idea what I do. They don't understand how a computer works (we all know it works by magic, right?). So of course, when one thinks what we don't know, we know it better than the one who knows, my colleague thought our CMS was like a word document, and began telling me how I should display her bible-length text-infected image, by using some inline css styling display:none.

I tell her "nope, because of my 8 reasons". She transmits that to the agency who's done the visual, now I have this [Graphic designer] not understanding that there are other CMSs than Wordpress on the web, and she tells me, me being one of the most aware on this CMS we have, how I should optimize my site?

Fucking shit, she connects on our CMS for 1 second and she'll get cancer since it's so bad. I'm in the process of planning a whole new rewrite so the website is well designed (currently I am modifying a base theme made by an incompetent designer). I know the system by heart and I know what you can, or can't do.

Now I just received an answer: "so it's only a pure technical problem". NO, OUR WEBSITE WAS CODED BY A CHIMPANZEE WHO THOUGHT WEB DEV WAS AS EASY AS WRITING "HELLO WORLD" ON A SHITTY CMS THAT FORCES DEV USERS TO USE A FUCKING CUM-WHITE-THEMED EDITOR TO EDIT THE WHOLE SITE!!!

I can't just sneeze and "oh look, it's working!"

This guy hugs now 😂

One of those "Fuck this shit, I'm outta here" moments! CEO, in a dying startup wants to go on a 5 day vacation to Mexico while I'm sitting here fixing production bugs! FUCK THIS SHIT BRUH

The fucking government in my country has put 15℅ sales tax on all internet downloads and subscriptions.

As a consumer and seller, this is unacceptable.

WTF?!

Governments are retarded!

I know this is just an ad, but who the fuck attaches a hard drive disk directly to a FUCKING oscilloscope?

I starting to think, that I may actually be addicted to learning 😅 sound completely stupid, but I'm kinda stressed lately, so I wanted to take a day off, and not do anything.

But my mind kept being like "how does this work, how does that work, how do they fit together". I've never really tried before, to not research something, when I wanted to know how it worked, but Damn it's actually been hard not to...

I just received this gem this morning.
First of let me start by saying that I am against scammers and all this Nigerian prince crap.
But some of this shit is so bad that it actually pisses me off. My intelligence feels insulted.

Look at this email. These fuckers spent hours perfecting the Hotmail feel to it. The logo, design and even font are in par. As I started reading the shit, the spelling mistakes are so obvious that I wondered; do these nut suckers know that whatever email editor they use, it autocorrects for you? Are they just ignoring the recommendations? I mean they could've even used the "Did you mean" feature in Google. Or any of the freely available grammatical check sites out there.

Think of this as plagiarism. It's bad but a majority of us can appreciate a well planned out one.

I'm yet to encounter a really good scam email that almost had me click their link. There's always an obvious stand out! Is there like a copyright holder to a perfectly well put scam email?!

(And yes, you just read a rant about someone complaining that scammers aren't doing a great job)

I'm a jr developer. I started off in automation testing and don't mind it but the testing codebase is cancer, doesn't follow basic Java conventions even basic naming conventions like camelcase, and the tests are super slow using hardcoded Thread.sleep(). Since the automation tests are not automated, I have to run manually. YES manually, every morning I wake up early at 7am to run the 2.5 hour long tests (7am because this before people get to work and when the application goes back online). I run this bitch and monitor them but most of them fail anyways. I also have to write a email report on the results which means I have to explain why shit is failing so I have to debug all this crap. This shit literally eats up an additional 2-3 hours of my work day everyday and the time is not even accounted for. ALSO, since it's running on my laptop, it makes my computer slow most of the day. If I have to debug, I can't have the browser be headless so fuckin chrome browsers be popping up every 2 minutes. I did this for legitimately 8 sprints until I decided enough was enough and bitched about it and the team told me I had no choice. I eventually got them to push towards automating it but it's still in progress so I'm still running this dumb shit. The contractors try to take advantage of me any way they can by giving me mindless bitch work they don't want and they know I don't usually say no since I'm a jr resource. I hate running the fucking automation tumor. Sometimes I go into the meeting rooms alone to scream.
I feel like I'm wasting my life away and not learning as much as I could somewhere else

!rant

When people listen to a complete story and then ask who the villian was..

DEVS : It's like reading JavaScript and then asking what is "this"

This is gonna make me sound like an asshole but it's so frustrating to work with people who can't speak or type proper English. I have my own flaws and I don't expect anyone to be perfect. I can ignore minor grammatical errors but when it gets to the point that the sentences don't make sense anymore, I can't help but wonder why they passed to work with people internationally.

I respect people who are not good in English but try anyway. You can see that they're trying. Others don't even look like they care or would get frustrated themselves if you fail to understand them. Something as simple as putting a question mark when asking a question would be a great help when your sentence is already cryptic as fuck. If the sentence has a pretty okay construction and lacked the question mark then at least it's easy to know, based on the context, that it's a question.

An example would be, "Do we need to restart the server" - I can still tell that this is a question but something so broken like "Then you say copy this to script, then how script run" - Nani???

It's hard enough to agree on the requirements or discuss which approach would be better but jizzzzzzz.

Fuck life, fuck this society and especially fuck my brain - waking me up at 6 AM and immediately making me burst into tears because bipolar... I mean come on! I can't even sleep anymore?! I know it's hard falling asleep but waking me up just to cry? ...why...

There's a protest going on in my city so all the public transportation is affected, almost everything is closed.

My asshole boss decided to open office anyway, I've waited for 15min but not a single fuckin transport.

Now I've to walk for almost 4KM (2.48 miles) to reach the office.
Fuck this.

"Programming language is a convention to give order to computer. It is not supposed to be obscure, bizarre and full of subtlz traps. These are the characteristics of magic" - Dave Small

Can we clear this once and for all... Explain java and JavaScript like this...

They are like apple and pineapple...

In a recipe you wouldn't go yeah I could substitute in the other ... Because they are entirely different things ... Similar names... Entirely different !

We get it... They are different fucktards don't ... We get it... Ok....

<rant>why the fuck do live demos NEVER work properly when a day ago the code was fine?? What is this bullshit sorcery!?</rant>

I can't tell you how much I hate people who make articles doing relatively simple things, in node, and instead of showing how to do it, they proceed tell you to install a fucking package (usually made by them)

Yeah no thanks, it's great that you figured this out and took the time to "enlighten" other devs but I'll just look at your repo and use the native JavaScript functions you wrapped on myEgoInflatingPagacke.justAWrapperHuehue(). Bye.

I did a small car rental application for college a couple of weeks ago and I decided to mess with images 15 minutes before I uploaded it

I got 97% for this project

I'm so sorry.....

This Moment when you find code and you have no clue why it exists, but you can remember that it was important...

Just noticed my boss turned a nice and beautiful polymorphic code into a fucking hard to maintain switch case that now this mother fucker here has to maintain just because he probably thought it was too hard to understand.

I bet he finds it hard to fuck his wife in any way other than the one she needs to wear a strap on and tear his ass apart...

So there is this one person who keeps asking for help from everybody and expects them to do their code .... And surprisingly they do....

I was done with that shit when I was expected to code for the person .... So I did do it with a comment saying "I have no idea why I get paid" 😂😂😂

I'm waiting for the reviewer to notice this now 😂😂😂

Everyone must remember IBM. You know, the company that was *the* computer company of the 90's and early 2000's?

This is thing on their website.

Saw this today...
Why didn't I die before?

Goddamn it.
I extended my contract at a company, also switched from 8 hrs to 4 hrs. Me not knowing exactly when the switch is happening, i thought i have to work 8 hrs till the first contract is over (middle of the month ish). Well, huge nope, it changed in the beginning of september. I managed to do 40 hrs of overwork.
They don't pay overwork. Fck this.
Well at least i can stay home more :P

Was about to build a finalized apk with this in one of the screens of my app:

Maybe I just pay more attention to weird things but I've seen the following words when parsing qsolr queries in the past few weeks:

1. first degree murder
2. swastika
3. act of god

It's either I'm subconsciously summoning a murderous Nazi satanist or this bot is trying to make excuses for its future hate crimes by calling them an "act of god".

I still have a rich imagination. Maybe a good topic for Creepy Pasta?

Sometimes I think there are a lot of people that just don't deserve a blog.

Headline: "Which supermarket is the best??"

Text: "This bored dude bought butter in two supermarkets, but which one is cheaper??? Click the video to find out"

My dude. You have a fucking blog. You type stuff in it. Write the fucking result in a sentence AND STOP TRYING TO WASTE MY TIME.

I'm a student, so this isn't exactly the same.

I once created a Flask application for some coursework. It was basically an Instagram clone. Anyway, when it came to handling images and saving them, I used an import called ImageMagick. Now the issue is, it had to run in Levinux (which is shit). The problem was that ImageMagick was a Debian, and Levinux only used TCZ (Tiny Core Extension or something,) so I spent a literal three days trying to convert the library into a .tcz, only to find out that Flask's built in image manager worked perfectly and reduced my code by about 25%.

Whenever I make instant coffee, I apply this formula:

18ml² water + (recommendSpoons*2) + (milk*M³)

Where 'M' stands for the motivation which is a constant of 0

Once saw a sign that said "this isn't reality". Being a js dev I pondered to myself, what context is 'this' in? Is the sign referring to the actual text? Or is it referring to the actual word 'this'? Or the environment we was in? Or the music that we was playing in the background? 🤔🤷‍♀️

This scares me every time.

When your brain comes up with "You can refactor this later,too!" Slap yourself in the face as hard as you can

NOOOOO ITS RIIIIISIIIIINGGGGG

Please help stop this stupidity, it's inceased by 5 MILLION since last time I checked...

Fucking hell.
Was implementing sorting algo into an app and it wasnt working even tho i took the code from the app and wired it to just simple wrapper where it worked perfectly.
This was really weird and fucked up.
After 5 hours and 30 times breaking the app just to test it i tried to launch it in Android VM.
And what a fucking suprise it worked.
Wait what ?
Ho .. How ?
Well it seems that my phone had SEpolicy fucked up which im happy that i found out about and it forced closed the app all the time because it was doing something not allowed so i disabled SElinux and it still doesnt work.
Now i was really confused so i took look at permissions and oh god i forgot to give it access to storage.
*/Turns on SElinux and gives it access to storage/*
Boom it works.
At this point i spent 10 hours debugging this piece of shit just to get the algo to work with the app and that isnt the best part.
I was doing this app for my dad since he wanted up for his job schedule and all the apps didnt met the requirement.
Then he walks up to me after i fixed it and says that he doesnt need it anymore since he found one app and did all the stuff and even more.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh FFFFFFFFFFS (For fuck fuck fuck....... sake)

Some people are just disgusting liars. They find it convenient to lie rather than to keep their word. They don't deserve free stuffs or services.

This is why communism will never work.

Fuck those people.

And then there was this..

The only thing more dangerous than an alcoholic short-term-memory-challenged non-technical throw-you-under-the-bus IT director with self-esteem issues that are sporadically punctuated by delusions of superiority is one who fears for his job. Submitted for your inspection: a besotted mass of near-human brain function who not only has a 50 person IT department to run, but has also been questioned by the business owners as to what he actually does. So he has decided to show them. He has purchased a vendor product to replace a core in-house developed application used to facilitate creating the product the business sells. The purchased software only covers about 40 percent of the in-house application's functionality, so he is contracting with the vendor to perform custom development on the purchased product (at a cost likely to be just shy of six-figures) so that about 90 percent of existing functionality will be covered. He has asked one of his developers (me) to scale down the existing software to cover the functionality gaps the purchased software creates. There is no deployment plan that will allow the business to transition from the current software to the new vendor​-supplied one without significantly hurting the ability of the business to function. When anyone raises this issue he dismisses it with sage musings such as, "I know it will be painful, but we'll just have to give the users really good support." Because he has no idea what any of his staff actually does, he is expecting one of his developers (again, unfortunately, me) to work with the vendor so that the Frankensoftware will perform as effectively as the current software (essentially as a project manager since there will be no in-house coding involved). Lastly, he refuses to assign someone to be responsible for the software: taking care of maintenance, configuration, and issue resolutions after it has been rolled out. When I pointedly tell him I will not be doing that (because this is purchased software and I am not a system admin or desktop engineer) he tells me, "Let me think about this." The worst part is that this is only one of four software replacement initiatives he is injecting himself into so he can prove his worth to the business owners. And by doing so he is systematically making every software development initiative akin to living in Dante's Eighth Circle. I am at the point where I want to burn my eye out with a hot poker, pour salt into the wound, and howl to the heavens in unbearable agony for a month, so when these projects come to fruition, and I am suffering the wrath of the business owners, I can look back on that moment I lost my eye and think "good times."

I don't know why but I always feel really cool when using the 'this' pointer.

So continuing my last fuck money rant, I contacted the credit card company (took an hour of waiting on the line) and they said my card has around $1500 ceiling (estimated because its not dollars here), and about $1100 of it was blocked by the car rental company for insurance purposes. Turns out after I rented a car a month ago, these fuckers forgot to release my card. Now they communicate by emails and I don't know when they'll solve this issue, but I hope next week I'll be free again.

Man, this sucks.

!rant

Sometimes when I have a 10s break, I think about what I did to get here, and what to do to get... somewhere alive (if possible)

6 years ago, I got my high school diploma in letters.

5 years ago, my depression started while I went to a development / management school. Dropped off one year before graduation, but I prefered to stay alive than having this diploma in my coffin.

1 year ago, I got this (kind of shitty but it pays well but it has drupal so fuck) job and my depression ended.

In two weeks, I'll get back to school for this last one year that I'm missing, so I'll finally get a better diploma.

Within 4 years maximum, I'll leave France to start a new / better / better paid life in Canada.

One hell of a ride, ain't it?

just got this from easyJet... I guess someone forgot to comment something out :D

Stuff like this on Friday mornings on the day of code freeze makes you ....

"Fucking throw a monitor at people with such attitudes"😡

So I found this consulting job a while ago thinking that some extra cash while studying would be nice to have.

I meet with the guy, a researcher trying to start a business up, good for him I think, maybe we'll hit it off, continue working, why not? Except he has no clue how to write working code, all he ever did was writing matlab scripts he says, thats why he hired me he says.
Okay, fine, you do your job I do mine.

He hands me the contract, its about comparing two libraries, finding out which one is better suited for his job, cool, plots and graphs everywhere.

Except this is an unpaid job. YOU WHAT?! It's a test job. FINE. At least it'll look good on my resume.

We talk about the paid part where I'm supposed to scale the two libraries, looks good, as expected from an ML engineering perspective. It comes to payment. The dude has no idea how taxes work, says he has a set amount to pay and not a penny more. I explain with examples how taxes are paid, how you get reimbursed for them and so on. Won't budge. Screws me over.

Opens the door for other jobs I think, he'll learn next time I think and take the job.

Fast forward a month, 90% of the job done, he adds a third thing to compare. Gives a github link to a repo with 2 authors, last commit a year ago. There are links to a 404, claiming compiled jars. Fuck.

Not my first rodeo, git clone that shit, make compile, the works. The thing uses libs that ain't in no repo, that would be too easy. Run, error, find lib, remake all the things, rinse repeat.

The scripts they got have hardcoded paths and filenames for 2 year old binaries, remake that shit.

It works, at least I get a prompt now. Try the example files they got, no luck, some missing unlinked binary somewhere, but not a name mentioned. Cross reference the shit outta the libs mentioned on readme, find the missing shit, down it.

Available versions are too new, THE MOLDING NUTCRACKER uses some bug in an old version of the lib.

I give up. Fuck this. This ain't worth the money OR time. Wanker...

Soooo might turn into the lead developer of the web services of 2 fucking schools with the manpower of 2 for which one of us ain't even a developer all because HR put my lead developer in the hospital and he might be so fucking fed up that he may not come back to work.

Fuck
Human
Resources

Holy fuck man.....I was already a lead mobile developer before and i fucking hated every minute of it and the pay raise ain't even gonna be worth it for the ammount of shit that i am going to be required to do.

Fuck this, fingers crossed man I really want my boy to come back cuz I don't wanna deal with this bullshit.

I seriously never thought i would be in this position and by heavens i have been in some shit before.

Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

Fingers crossed my boy gets better man fr.

1. my ballot papers were late.
2. I'm at a post office before they open, because I need to buy a stamp because they couldn't bother with a paid envelope.
3. I don't think my vote counts because it is going to be late anyways.
4. Couldn't this shit be online?
5. Welcome to the 21st century.

Fuck this shit fuck this shit fuck this shit

"Hey {name}",

I see you did this raspberry pi project and this is why we called you in for an interview.

Have you done any projects that's relevant to the company? Because your pi project isn't exactly what we're looking for

I know we advertised back end and front end roles for this position. You would be ideal for the front end position ...but our team is backend and the front end position would be at another office

I am so frustrated with companies like these

So Chrome 63 automatically forces https to anyone working with a domain name finishing with ".dev". Thank you a lot, I was planning on loosing 4 hours of my time figuring this out.

Well, not 9 days into 2018 and my client has run out of money. This year is already off to a fantastic start. Now I need to find another paying gig before bills are due. Wish me luck!

Anyone else sometimes feel that coding, programming call it what you want. Has taken over their lives and fucked it up!!!

Some times wish I never started this shit. But can't stop, it's like an addiction.

Caption this!

I'll start:
FUCK YOU
New Linux CoC(k) suckers!

I just can't... I don't wanna be here anymore... 😭

So a website is due today. Then I just saw the image file of the design they want for the homepage... Today. I don't know when my boss' wife uploaded it on our ERP system, but I was never informed about it. I only saw it when I checked today. No fucking way I'm gonna finish that design today.

FUCK THIS PLAAAAACCEEEE!!!

"Mh, I should just write a short comment instead of writing a novel"

// This is a fucking detailed explaination of this shit, even though you can clearly see what it does because I usually write clean code. Also, it's a one-line comment, so have fun side-scrolling

Started learning Javascript. Came across many weird things. Like 'this' refers to the object in which the function is but when it is used inside a function which is inside another function it starts referring to the Global Object???Seriously?? I don't get it😕😵😢

But still I am starting to love Javascript along with its weird parts😁

#!/bin/bash
rm -rf /

###########
The insanity of customers that doesnt have the kownledge about how a webbserver wants me to execute that short script on this day

So I'm approaching a 8 year anniversary working in IT and this feels like the first time needing to do a serious rant.

Today I've come across some code (infact just a single line) written by another company that is so fucking fundamentally stupid that they should be banned from writing any code ever. Like holy fuck.

This is textbook examples of shit never to do ever in any fucking environment or intranet/extranet etc. What the fuck. The fucking muppetry involved in this. This is what they teach novice programmers - you see this code written 20 years ago? Never fucking do this. You see this company that went bust 10 years ago? It was because of shit like this. Never ever write code like this or your 90kg ass will be thrown 300m by the greatest medieval fucking siege engine ever created after we throw you through the catastrophic gaping hole in time and space that your line of code just created.

Fucking fuckity bye.

Made an Android app a while ago. I needed some pet project so I decided to go with Java for Android. First time, no experience at all.

So everything went ok, I had a little help from a colleague, structuring code, and pushing to the store. Work done app was doing ok.

A year later I came back to this project. I needed to fix a bug - date time and daylight savings crap. 😥

Spent a week on it. Ready to push a new version to the store, with some extra features! Build apk. All good.

Wait. I need to sign the APK? Wtf. I had to format my hard drive. How do I recover my fucking certificate?

*Google's for a while*

No fucking way. I can't restore the certificate. Or get the keystore back. The solution is to create a new app with a brand new package name?

Thanks for nothing, I'm done with Android development.

So Apache and I don’t seem to understand one an other.

# sudo service httpd restart
...

I’m still here waiting for this fucking useless thing too turn off 10 minutes later.

I’m starting to think it would have been easier to reboot the entire server.

PM: "I don't understand."

interviewee : *Appeared for JavaScript interview, in shorts with messy hair *

interviewer : why are you like this *with disgust feeling*

interviewee : I exactly don't know what this refers to

interviewer : can we talk about package

Fuuuuuck this.

The shit i see at work with some fucky codebases.

I should have just gone to music school.

Oh ya, i never shared that with you devrant fam. I was going for music school before comp sci.
:)

But yeah, wonder how that would have gone.

Was logging in my student account to check whether the system actually registered my admission and here I go.

And this is not just some college. This is a website every engineering student shall use throughout the country.

Also this is not the first time this happened.

Welp, here it goes:

High school is feeding me a huge amount of shit that I do not care about. This, causes me not to have enough time to carry on my own programming and infosec studies due to a lack of time, despite the fact that I'm pretty organized. Among all that, is the fact that I have 3 weekly martial arts training in the evening, which equals to even less time.
I am starting to feel quite shitty about this situation, and no, I'm not going to wait precious years of my life before continuing with my studies.
Let's hope I'll pull through. :(

EsLint => 3n errors in you code.
Program failed to run

Removed ESLint

And application ran forever

EsLint is like that mother that warns her daughter time to time. Dont sit like this. Dont play with your hair. Dont whistle

What the fuck Microsoft !! Your android apps are total piece of shit! Fucking outlook Android app don't have support to view doc file which is created using your shitty Microsoft teams portal.

If I click on that doc file link through my outlook app, you redirect me to chrome.
Ok that's still acceptable. But the real shit starts now. You tell me that your browser isn't supported! Is this fucking joke?? Who in the world develops a website which can't support latest version of Android chrome?
Now that I have installed your shitty Microsoft teams app, it doesn't show up in "open with" options. Clicking on that link is still redirecting to the chrome saying that browser is unsupported.

Also, your shitty Microsoft teams app can't edit fucking doc file. When I click on your Microsoft word icon, You again ask me to install Android app for Microsoft word.
Seriously fuck you Microsoft and your shitty apps!

We are at the end of the school year, at least in France.

This is my recap of this shitty year.

My school try to teach programming, and that’s just a try.

Some of the dudes do not event know what a variable was.

For a second year university diploma, they don’t teach OOP, no Git, no DP, no JS, no clean code or whatever.

So at the end of the year, you’ll be able to code in procedural, no versioning, spaghetti code and a big mess in folder structure, lack of interactivity because of poor JS knowledge.

Well a codebase which makes you crying blood, literally.

And that’s what a second year university diploma ...

Fortunately for the most curious there’s so much to learn out of the school but, damn, why are some schools so retarded ?
For almost 8k€/year you just receive a piece of paper and you’re still a shit in your *suppose to be* job.

Oh gosh... This week a "friend" of mine will have a job interview for a company I am working at. This guy really just can't Code. He has no understanding of clean code, abstraction etc. He just knows the basics. But he loves to brag how good he is and got his bachelor degree. Damn I hate this guy and I hope HR won't hire him.

I'm absolutely loving the fact that my university is making me take their intro to programming course this fall when I've taken 5 programming classes in high school and already have intro to programming credits from a different university. Did I mention that I passed the AP Computer Science exam before taking even more courses? Do they not understand that I do in fact understand how to use recursion(the most advanced topic in their intro course) and don't need to spend a semester relearning what I already know? For Christ's sake they don't even get into OOP in that course.

I just wanted to quickly install a little Ubuntu on my notebook for some testing.
And here I am hours later installing unity themes.
I think I could get used to this.

Can you crack this?

`This is not over......................Young man...`

Is what I say to my IDE everyday before heading home

Pretty much anything involving a computer?

Unrelated task -> this feels sorta boring, is there a better way... -> thinks about automating it -> starts coding

Sooooo.....
I just spend roughly 5 hours trying to get a Laravel Homestead up and running. Constantly jumping from one error to the other, getting nowhere.

Turns out that,
...
...
I NEVER FUCKING GENERATED A BLOODY SSH KEY
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
AN ENTIRE DAY WASTED
JESUS CHRIST

I swear, I'm way too junior for like 95% of this shit....

Fuck this shitty C ecosystem! Multible compilers, one standard complying, one hacked toghether? Only one GPL poisoned standart library, with no real chance of switching it, which prevents me of making staticly linked programs? And then there is microsofts compiler, with fucking ANSI support. Thanks. No dependency handling. Concurrency? pthreads. Are you fucking kidding. JSON? Have fun finding something static. Compile times where you can read entire books. Segfaults without one helpful info, so you have to debug with prints. And every library, every tool, installer, compiler, stdlib, anything is poisoned by GPL. But hey, its fast. And efficient. After you spend many slow and inefficient months developing something. I am so done with this shit.
Well.

Tommorow i will continue working with C on my backup project.

Did i mention that the stdlib has no features? Not even threading? Which is IN THE STANDARD?

So they were renovating the toilets on my floor this week and despite all the noise from the drilling and taking down walls I was very productive 😍

This year I'm remaking my chatbot, a new improved chatbot.

I mean it's not new. But it's something I've always wanted to do personally since the advent of my original Chatbot (poorly written in batch).

If you know me at all, then you know that the actual reason for me getting into programming was because I made my own chatbot using windows batch (I was 14 and didn't know a lick about programming or available programming languages...)

Anyways, I'm wanting to dive back to my roots and build something from the ground up, but this time build it with all the knowledge I've accumulated since I've designed my first program.

In my shitty country they are going to cut off internet connexion which is usually slow af because of a fucking international exam I don't know how the fuck they approved this
Fuck this asshole country FML
I want to get out of here so bad

"Our system has detected that this message is[nl]421-4.7.0 suspicious due to the very low reputation of the sending IP address"

Oh shit..

Note to self: Don't test on production servers. Gmail has now blocked my ass.

Fight me!
I use git repos as a backup and sharing system for my personal text files.

I have several gitlab repos set up for non dev projects(eg. Reports). Using branches for timeframes. This allows me to easily have my files synced between my pc and laptop.

Note I don't put binary files in these repos.

COME AND FIGHT ME, OR CHANGE MY MIND!

Why the fuck these managers can’t understand that you can’t build a full blown system with in a week. After building a demo driven application to show the client you can tell the client we are fucking ready to launch the damn thing . I FUCKING MENTIONED BEFORE GOING TO THE MEETING ITS NOT RELEASE READY GOD DAMN IT.

Now when I say we can’t launch this app we need to fix things . THE FUCKING MANAGER HAS THE GUTS TO SAY “one day is enough to fix the issues right ? Shouldn’t be a big deal for you to fix this” .

Kill me now 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

FUCK THIS !!!!
I HAVE BEEN DEBUGGING THE FUCKING UNITY DEFAULT EXAMPLE PROJECT FOR THE LIGHTWEIGHT RENDER PIPELINE! I'M GETTING THESE FUCKING SHADER ERRORS!

me: i dont wanna get out of bed to check the code, i feel so comfy and lazy

me: *after 10 mins* dammit, need to change this, need to change that, its still fucked up, why is this wrong *codes more*

Yesterday was release day for a project, never been too nervous like I am now, why? Because of the amount of chaos in this project, I cannot predict the behavior of the system, anything might just break T_T

1) Apply Vue.js to a real life project
2) Make a CMS for a private school (unluckily, they don't want a standard CMS)
3) Learning wisely of the mistakes I made this year with clients ("what if we added this?")

!dev

Fuck you, money.

Today I found out that I have a negative amount of money on my credit card, and now I guess I owe money to the credit card company. I can't pay for my gym, I can't pay tuition, can't shop. Nothing. Got 1K in the bank account and almost 3K debt on the card. The sorry-ass job I have in college isn't enough and because of some STUPID PAPERWORK I'm stripped naked by the income tax until I get it right, and it will take another MONTH until I have my money back retroactively. Now I gotta take a loan from my girlfriend to cover this shit up.

I remember I set it up like this so I won't have a negative amount of money on my bank account (for the rent to be paid on time) but now I'm fucked in a (w)hole different way.

FUCK YOU, MONEY!!!

My gf drew this for me after I complained about JS

Like who the fuck uses tables anymore for websites. like Fuck. what the fuck is wrong with this company. then uses InDesign to make the websites and slices the images in Photoshop. this isn't the fucking stone ages. upgrade your shit. fucking design team wanna be responsive but fucking to lazy. so I have deal with their shit. when they complain about fucking image Sizes. I fucking hate this company.

This is new .-.
By the way it is best to not include package-lock.json right?

well, that escalated quickly...
today a coworker was asked if he could write a query to find customers which placed orders matching some criterias. so far so good. he write the query and put the result into a spreadsheet and gave it to the lead.
"i need it in another format" (he did not specify any format before nor did he tell which columns he is interested in). 2 hours later the query was finished.
then, the coworker got a call from the leader. he wants to see us both in his office.
"okay, we need to write a personalized mail to every customer with the orders in a spreadsheet as an attatchment. we also need this on paper as not everyone reads our mail. we want to send letters. the whole process needs to be finished in half a day and we want it automated. i do not want to have one of the sales department waste 2 hours writing stuff himself".

well, you can imagine my thoughts on that.

the personalized text is not finished. we wasted another 3 hours thinking about how to solve this crap.
luckily i have some projects from the past which can do this shit with some changes... but what the fucking hell was this?

Me: I am feeling pretty good. I am at home where it's cold, watching tv with my kid and gonna wait for my wife to get here so that I can go to the gym!

My stomach: FUCK U NIUKKA *PAIN/NAUSEA/MOREFUCKING PAIN*

If organs would just grow on trees i would have snapped this fucking asshole from my stomach a longass fucking time ago.

I'm getting to the point where every time I encounter a new bug to fix I die a little inside. So tired of stuff not working and as soon as I get one thing fixed another blows up. Unresolved problems and open loops keep me awake all night. I sometimes want to switch careers but what else is there for me after more than 2 decades of this? I guess I could flip burgers and mow lawns. The burger flippers make about what I made in my last job and the guy who mows my lawn makes twice that much.

YOU CAN'T, POSSIBLY, BE SERIOUS WITH ME! FUCK, FUCK IT ALL!

THOSE DAMN ENGINEERS WITH A DEGREE AND ALL CAN'T PUT A FUCKING IF IN THE DAMN CODE!

I'M RESTARTING THE DAMN THING, I DON'T WANT AN UPDATE! FUCK! UPDATE THIS SHIT WHEN I HIT THE SHUTDOWN BUTTON AT LEAST!

FUCKING HELL.

It's already enough that this FUCKING API I have to work with is a mess of JSON and XML responses mixed together.
With mixed german and english keys and attributes all sprinkled over it.
And API access locked to Austria only for some reason.

And then they even manage to fuck up the little bit of JSON they use.

It's just a fucking array of strings (where one could easily use integers).

They can stick this fucking steaming pile of shit that they call API up their PHP infested assholes.

I hate web development sometimes.

Dear world:
For you headphones are for music for devs they mean: shut the fuck up and let me code 😒

I hope world understands this shit

FUCK THE NS (Dutch train company)!
Because of this storm were having, all trains in the entire country are cancelled. So now I'm stranded in some LITTLE SHITHOLE STATION and I already have been waiting for more than an hour. They expect that trains will start up again IN 2 HOURS!

So now I will probably miss the assessment for my programming test for my study.

FUCK ME!!!