In Europe, we use € instead of $ in jQuery.

Every computer programmer. :)

XCode why are your Booleans "yes" / "no" WHY?

I wonder if those people who give unwarranted useless advice to developers go to their doctors and do the same thing.

- Doc, just make a small slit, take out old heart, put in a new one, connect everything back as before and stitch it. Easy peasy. Shouldn't take more than a few minutes.
- my leg is fractured. Just open it and tape it back. It is a hack job, but it'll make the client happy for now. It will be quickly done.
- I think I have cancer. Just write a script to kill it. Shouldn't be too difficult.

Fuckers.

It's hard to use Google Voice when you're a bilingual.

Me *driving in car*: Ok Google, open Spotify..

Google *beep*: Không chắc chắn làm thế nào để Open Spotify (Not sure how to to "Open Spotify" - in Vietnamese)

Me: Ok Google, mở Spotify (same command in Vietnamese)

Google *beep*: Not sure how to "mở Spotify"...

Me *frustrated*: Ok Google, f*ck you!

Google *beep*: Không chắc chắn làm thể nào để "fuck you" (Not sure how to "fuck you" - in Vietnamese)

f*cking Google Voice :|

Sometimes naming variables and classes. Because the name should be relevant, short and understandable. 😊

Something I refer to as the "Lost Cause Syndrome".

Basically you start working on a project enthusiastically with the resolution to write the best possible code. But either one (or some or all) of management, client and colleagues succeed in transforming the project into a comedy (or tragedy, depending on your outlook) of errors.

Then finally, one day you decide that the project is a lost cause and stop caring about it. You end up in a "Let's get this over with and get out of here" type of mindset without making any efforts to improve the situation.

Resist the urge to punch some of my co-workers.

I hate how companies blindly follow shitty trends by apple. First the jack, now this

Best answer by far 🤦‍♂️
Guess I will die alone

My computer literally brightens up whenever I close Android Studio

Miss those days when web development used to be easy...

Now the react, react-router, redux, server-side-rendering, redux-form and nodejs...making me crazy.

And oh how can you forget the fucking webpack.

Someone please kill me.

Once, I used inspect element to change Google's image to one from a meme.

My mom legit freaked out and thought I had just hacked Google themselves, and because she wouldn't believe me, I had to wait two hours until my dad got home so he could explain. During which time, I was yelled at about how we were going to be "sued for millions".

If she only understood how inspect element works.

I got my wife pregnant despite birth control being used... You could say she *puts on sunglasses* failed the penetration test.

I'll see myself out.

!Rant

YaY!! Finally I Quit my Job !!! 😴

Hello DevRant, im a junior cloud consultant and this is my story:

Last monday a salesman, i call him bob, informed me that he planned me in a project starting next week. So far so good despite im currently working already in an other project....

I tried to explain him that its impossible to be on two locations at the same time.

His answer was quite funny because he said its my problem and he promised this the customer a month ago (without asking me or looking into my calendar)

As you can imagine the customer was not happy when i contacted him, to say him that the project could not start before may.

Of course this escalated to the managing director of my company. Bob tried to made it look that it was my fault.

After a long rant mail, where i told my story and about our incompetent salesforce i got a reply from him that he is sorry and a forced excuse mail from bob.

Happy End

That moment when an SEO 'expert' asks if changing ip addresses will put his sites lower in Google.

I'm a fucking Linux engineer, how am I supposed to know that?!

Please live up to your fucking title "SEO *expert*" and don't ask some innocent Linux engineer about this shit 😡

The only place where it's okie for a parent to kill its child #programming

When you get a notification 🔔 like this one... The fucking moon 🎑 gets decent 4g before I do 😱😲...

Just hit 500, exactly at my birthday!

DevRant is the most amazing community I've used to belong to. You guys are awesome!

Sometimes I think I should give half of my salary to Google and stack overflow.

!rant

Nothing quite like spending a day coding with a friend on a project way over your head and actually making progress and learning shit. That feel when you run your script and it gives a DIFFERENT error? Or when it doesn't even crash at all?? Or when it ACTUALLY WORKS?!

Absolutely magic.

My sister got me some stickers as a birthday present but she didn't know where to buy them. So she painted a gift card instead...😮

Decided to go hardcore Vim in 2018.

Support: A customer complained about a nasty bug.
Senior Dev: There are no bugs in our software, just challenges that need to be solved.

Dev: this will take around three sprints to complete.

Product owner: weeelllll I think you can manage it in one..

*me, coding at a pub*
*random dude walks up to me*
He: "what are you doing? Programming? What?"
Me: "yup. That's a horizontally and vertically scalable webservice, that's using amqp, rest APIs and encryption to schedule starting, stopping and autoscaling of a total of 90 heroku applications. This webinterface *showing* allows you to trigger starts and stops manually and monitor all processes."
He: "oh, so you are programming a Website? In HTML?"
Me: "euhm........ Yes."

I understand this dude had probably no clue what I was talking about.. Yet I am angry at him. Reducing more than 12k loc to HTML... Go fuck yourself.

TL;DR: One of my coworkers is a genius engineer and doesn't get as much recognition as he deserves, whereas another extremely mediocre engineer on the team gets praised for his crappy applications.

We have one engineer on our team (let's call him Hank) who started with me at the company when we were interns, and man is he a freaking genius. I swear, you could give this guy any language/library/framework, and he'll be fluent in it in less than a week. He's singlehandedly written two of our most complex applications by himself, and has a great sense of UX as well. All of his apps look fantastic.

The problem is, I feel like he doesn't get anywhere near as much recognition as he should. I try to talk him up to our manager, and our manager knows that Hank is smart, but he also overlooks him for promotions and praise because he's a little spacey (he's got quite the case of ADD) and doesn't speak up very often. He's got trouble focusing sometimes, but when he's in the zone, he can write an exponentially better and more complex application in 2 days than some of our other engineers can do in 4 months.

For example, we have another engineer on our team (let's call him Phil,) and the entire team has their heads so far up Phil's butt that I'm surprised they haven't suffocated yet. Don't get me wrong, he's a smart guy. He's great with the more basic aspects of our job, but when it comes to writing an application, he has no idea what he's doing, and he takes months to write something that should have taken him days. Then when he finally releases it, it's riddled with bugs. But everybody praises and bows down to him for it. "Oh Phil, this app is amazing. You're a genius, you deserve to be a Lead." Then we have Hank sitting quietly at his desk, banging out his 3rd big application of the month, and people say "Eh, nobody's going to use those apps anyway. He's wasting time." And I'm standing there thinking, "You asshats, we already have a solution for the app that Phil wrote, and the entire company is already using it. It's exponentially better, why did you let him waste time writing this when there's already an existing solution?!"

Oh well, I hope Hank gets some recognition soon. He certainly deserves it.

My classmates are such hypocrites. They pretend to be programmers, but they can't fool me.

"Oh sorry. I can't show you the result of my html code. I have to compile it first, but there's no WiFi."

There's so many things wrong with that.

Took me a week to realize that "!rant" just means "not rant".

I thought it was some sort of post front-matter that was no longer supported by the app (like a Duck Duck Go "bang").

😅