Im the only who what happened this? 🤔

Maybe your parents won't know, but I sure as hell will

An ancient scripture describing our impending doom found on Stack Overflow

https://stackoverflow.com/questions...

I wish my life has a switch to Dark Mode :(

Still one of my favorite stackexchange question.

Some empty-headed helpdesk girl skipped into our office yesterday afternoon, despite the big scary warning signs glued to the door.

"Hey, when I log in on my phone, the menu is looking weird"

"Uh... look at my beard"

"What"

"Just look at this beard!"

"Uh.... OK"

"Does this look like a perfectly groomed beard"

"Uh... it's pretty nice I guess"

"You don't have to lie"

She looks puzzled: "OK... maybe it could use a little trimming. Uh... a lot of trimming". "I still like it though" she adds, trying hard to be polite.

"I understand you just started working here. But the beard... the beard should make it clear. See the office opposite to this one?"

"Yeah"

"Perfectly groomed ginger beards. It's all stylish shawls and smiles and spinach smoothies. Those people are known as frontend developers, they care about pixels and menus. Now look at my beard. It is dark and wild, it has some gray stress hairs, and if you take a deep breath it smells like dust and cognac mixed with the tears caused by failed deploys. Nothing personal, but I don't give a fuck what a menu looks like on your phone."

She looked around, and noticed the other 2 tired looking guys with unshaven hobo chins. To her credit, she pointed at the woman in the corner: "What about her, she doesn't seem to have a beard"

Yulia, 1.9m long muscled database admin from Ukraine, lets out a heavy sigh. "I do not know you well enough yet to show you where I grow my unkempt graying hairs... . Now get lost divchyna."

Helpdesk girl leaves the scene.

Joanna, machine learning dev, walks in: "I saw a confused blonde lost in the hallway, did you give her the beard speech?"

"Yeah" -- couldn't hold back a giggle -- "haha now she'll come to you"

Joanna: "No I already took care of it"

"How?"

"She started about some stupid menu, so I just told her to smell my cup". Joanna, functional alcoholic, is holding her 4pm Irish coffee. "I think this living up to our stereotype tactic is working, because the girl laughed and nodded like she understood, and ran off to the design department"

Me: "I do miss shaving though"

“If everyone is admin, no one is admin and this is communism” - Our DBA

Why are all my classmates building their web applications in PHP for our thesis? I know it's used a lot but for smaller projects there's tons of better ways to build a web application. Besides myself and another guy in this class (I'm using Java and mongoDB, he's working in ASP.NET and Microsoft SQL), nobody else wants to use something different. We only did PHP in one class so this seriously can't be the only language 2/3rd's the class knows.

Oh God it probably is.

😂😂 The name is ML....HTML😂😂

Just started reading this book ..
The first chapter and half are pretty interesting.
Their explication of Optimal Stopping and “The Secretary Problem” made think about scenarios where its possible to use in my life.

Ps: I think that what the books wanted!

The illusive software engineer

Proh-gram-eeeerror
...... on line number 32: missing }

After seeing this "old" picture I want to let know at the guyz who are in love with AMD that before Ryzen(s) I was able to cook my fuckin' breakfast's eggs on their fuckin' CPUs.

Big mistakes brings to great solutions and shut up the fuck up AMD, probably your core code is full of vulnerabilities but no one cares about your ultra threads architecture.

She's installing openSUSE
Heh...
Get it?
Cause her name is Suse?
...
Ok i see myself out

my family: Eww why are you using Linux

Also my family: Help us, shit Windows broke again

It looks like we have been working on something that qualifies almost all of this (except the management wants it, so there's little funding) 😂

Haha, pretty shitty to work on something like this for the last 4-5 months.

If u drink milk... it wont be readable...😅😅😅

When developers are frustrated with stupid laws 😂😂

Hang in there developer 🐈

I'm covering for a colleague who has 2 weeks of vacation. Everything is made with Drupal 7, and it's a backend + frontend chimera with no head and 50 anuses.

So, last monday i get told i have to show a value based on the formula:
value * (rate1 - rate2) / 2

On thursday, every calculation in that page is suddenly wrong and I get balmed for it. Turns out, now it has to be:
value * (rate1 - rate2) / rate1 / 2

Today, I get told again the calculations are wrong. "It has to be wrong, the amount changes when rate1 changes!". There'll be a meeting later today to discuss such behaviour.

All these communications happened via e-mail, so I'm quite sure it's not my fault... But, SERIOUSLY! Do they think programmers' time is worthless? Now I'll have to waste at least 1 hour in a useless meeting because they cba to THINK before giving out specs?!

Goddammit. Nice monday.

We got a binary clock at our trainstation. I love it, but most of the people think it's wasted money because they can't read it.

Yesterday I tried to put my pc into sleep mode but ... UPDATES

CAPTCHA meaning: "Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart".
Proof the the CS community is bad at creating acronyms.

My doggo and my daughter...

True story? Idk, just made me laugh

!dev

Hello there..

I always wanted to have my first post here be something that pisses the sh!t out of me.

tl;dr: Memes are for braindeads and kids are fucktards

Backstory:
So basicaly I am now having a summerjob before my next semester starts so I can make some cash to buy some overpriced stuff I dont probably need. I work at a factory, 3 shift work and today we had Night shift, so there was me and a bunch of Arab guys, kicking our asses by pure boredom and desperacy.

Act One:
I was bored, opened my phone and decided entertain myself by some funny sh!t I can find on Mark Sugarhills webpage. I was just passing by some random a bit funny stuff and then I found some random ass meme, which doesnt give a single, even distant sence to me.. So since my german is as good as my coding skills (read: complete shit) I couldnt ask for opinion of my fellow coworkers and since its fuck1ng 4am theres noone to ask on messenger or whatever. So I did it... I asked in a goddamn comments, what the fck is that supposed to mean and Aw dear Lawd... I did a mistake.

Act 2:
Like 4 seconds after my question I had a response and I was like 0.o It has to be some Alice of Facebook so I guess someone cool. Oh boy I was never so wrong. The answer... the... FUCKING answer was.... "normie."

What the actual fuck?
Like man statisticaly speaking, there is 200,000 people on this wannabe funny site and since everyone is apparently laughing their asses off, I am the motherfucking original snowflake.

But I wanted to play it cool... was like Uhm sorry, I really tried but cant figure it out.

His fuck-me-sideways-with-rusty-crowbar answer was:
a) The joke is hidden in some random thing we created yesterday and decided to call it a culture
b) "u dumb"

Act 3:
I hope that most of you finally guessed it! Its the second fucking answer and oh sweet mother of pain, please find him, BUT thats where I flipped and fucking lost it.

The fucking nerve to speak to me like that u dissrespectful piece of shit. Go watch some Twitch, while I SSH into ur ass and hit u harder than ur mom her forehead everynight when she realises that she could have swallow you dickhead.

Afterthoughts:
I was always worries that my child would like to be a Rapper, or Youtuber...
But today Im adding being some dumb ass meme creator.

How certain clients view coders regarding unrealistic deadlines.

Pick your programming language Waifu devRant.

/bin/meme

I’m gonna make this profile picture on my Viber and WhatsApp.