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Search - "you can do it"
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Mom : My washing machine is not working.
Please fix it.
Me : I am a computer engineer.
Mom : You are an engineer though.
Me : That's not how it works.
.
.
.
2 hours and many YouTube tutorials later
Me : It's done.
Mom : Didn't I tell you you can do it.24 -
No, thank you, you nice little app. If you wanted to call someone to find out the weather, I think I can do it myself.23
-
Girl: Can you make me an app?
Me: What kind of app do you have in mind?
Girl: I want it to be... like an app!
Me: Sounds a bit to difficult sorry.10 -
Client: can you fix the slider on my homepage please?
Me: It seems to be working just fine
Client: it works but it’s not how I want it, fix it
Me: well what do you want me to change then?
Client: don’t change it, just fix it!
😒2 -
Lawyer: "I heard you do websi..."
Me: "No."
Never, ever again will I do a website for anyone in the law profession. You can write the most airtight and amazing contract ever devised and they will find a way over, under, around, and through it to SCREW YOU UP THE ASS.11 -
Stolen from an awesome book but my new favourite line ;)
Someone: “Can you repair my computer, it`s not working anymore?”
Me: “Do you call Leonardo Dicaprio when your Tv is broken?”7 -
When you start reading someone else's code and all you do is properly indent for the first 30 mins so you can actually read it.15
-
Interviewer: Do you know about SQL injection?
Student: Yessss
Interviewer: Okay, how we can prevent it?
Student: Yes, we should prevent it as prevention is always better than cure. It can lead to data loss and other problems so it can be difficult to fix it if it happens. The best case is that nothing like that takes place. [...]
Interviewer: I get it but how?
Student: By not building any web applications.
[Silence]
Interviewer: Nice, you may go. Do not call us. We will call you.20 -
What the fuck!? Did you just fucking say you don't want to discuss API endpoints with me because I'm just a frontend developer? Get the fuck down from your imaginary backend throne and talk to me like the software engineer that I am. That's right, I'm a software engineer too, you fucking asshole. Just because you do backend and I do frontend doesn't mean you can talk down to me. And I swear that the next time you say you made all the work and I just have to "style it" I'll just leave. You can "style it" yourself.34
-
Stack Overflow users in a nutshell:
*8 months ago*
Noob: "How can I do this with Javascript?"
SO User: "You should use jQuery. Here's how to do this in jQuery."
*Now*
Noob: "How can I do this with jQuery?"
SO User: "jQuery is redundant now. Here's how you can do it with Javascript."18 -
My mom: Why do you want to study Computer Engineering? You don't even like math.
Me: "I can bear any pain as long as it has meaning."9 -
"It is just a small task. I can do that in just..." Never ever ever say the above statement even if you are 10000% confident.5
-
Dear Clients,
if you really think what I do has so little value that you won’t pay for it, why on earth would you think it was going to help your business in any way? It’s clearly not worth it. How can it have a positive impact?
- Your Unpaid Developer3 -
Coworker: Can you create program for me?
Me: What this "program" going to do?
Coworker: Hack bank network and send me money. Can you make it for Android?
😆😆😆7 -
Dear sir,
I'm NOT giving you the information you want because I can't verify you. You can tell me that we're the only company who does it like this and name all companies which do it differently, you can curse me into the ground or completely lose your shit at me but that won't make a difference:
I'm not giving you the information you want.
Sincerely,
Go fuck yourself.11 -
I really wish I had known this before. Check this out guys. You can type a unix command and find out what each options mean. Rather than man paging the commands this is a easier way to do it :)5
-
Interviewer: Alright, so tell me what you like about software, but you don't have to limit it to software you can talk about hardware too. But yes what do you like about software?
Me:7 -
Dream project? Create a social network for devs where they can rant. Just need to think of a name.
What do you mean it already exists!?!
😁2 -
Me on the train. A fucking 12 year old kid, fanboy of the iPhone X.
1. He calls it "X" (the letter). I bet he doesn't even know that it is a 10.
2. "it has only one port so you can use Bluetooth headphones". He seems like he is amazed by that. Like wtf? Guess what motherfucker you can use Bluetooth headphones even if you have a dedicated headphone jack.
3. "it has wireless charging"... Oh would you please fuck yourself you fucking donkey.
4. "it is so thin. Not like those other phones". So can somebody kick this guy or I will do it myself...
Sry gone full AlexDeLarge here...10 -
HE:"Hey I improved my code"
ME:
*opens the file*
*Sees random static allocations*
*Code is as verbose as before*
*Down to 2600 lines from 2800ish*
*Still doesn't do shit properly*
"Uuuh what exactly did you do?"
*Starts noticing the lack of namespaces*
HE: "I used this using namespace std to write a bit less"
ME: "Can I pay you yoga lessons so you can taste your own cock and show your parents how good you are at it?"3 -
Lead engineer: "Well, uh... I haven't really prepared a test for you but the HR insists that I should test you before wrapping up this interview.. so uh.... what do you suggest we should do now?"
Me: "Um... how about we walk through my latest project code and you can ask me to optimize it?"
Lead engineer: "Sounds cool, allright let's do that. How much time do you need?"
Welp. Did I just pick my own interview question?5 -
That moment when you finished your first REST API 🎉
And you realise all it can do is useless ☹️
But then you realise, you can extend the functions easily with you new knowledge 🎊
Man, this emotional up an down is exhausting 😆4 -
Interviewer: How will you solve the travelling salesman problem?
Me: *explains the solution on whiteboard*
Interviewer: It is slow. Can you do it in linear time at least?
Me: It is NP hard so it is not possible. For a restricted case, it may be possible
Interviewer: You are stupid. Do not apply again.10 -
Client: "I need you to implement a feature which does x"
Me: "We can it do like this, I can do it in Y hours."
Client: "Perfect do it"
Me: "Here you go have a look and if you give your ok I'll implement it on production."
Client:"That is not what I need. I need Z"
Me: "Well then you should have said Z and not x. But I can do Z if you want me to."
Client:"Do it it is urgent!!!!111"
Me: "All done here you go."
Client: "That works like what I said what I need, but I meant more like xZ."
Me: "Ok, you know I have to charge you for all this, do you?"
Client: "What why? It isn't the feature I wanted!!11 Do it right and I'll pay you for the right one!"
Me: "It might not be what you wanted but it is exactly what you specified to me. I'll send you the bill and will not continue working for you. Good luck finding someone who is willing to do unpaid work for you."
I am so done with that kind of client.8 -
"My cousin said he can do it for less. But I like you so blah blah"
Why don't you go your fucking cousin then. Stop wasting my time.3 -
My friend: My laptop is not working. Can you please fix it?
Me: Ok. I will take a look at it.
*After 1 hours*
Me: I think your hard disk has failed.
My friend: Can't you fix it? You always spend day and night on your computer. So, I think you can fix it.
Me: Sorry. I can't.
*Next day I went to his home*
His brother to my friend: You said he is a genious. He can fix anything related to computer. He can't do anything. I will take it to a best repair shop in the area.
Me: *walks out of his home*11 -
Me: Can you go to that page and see if the issue is fixed?
Colleague: if I go there it breaks things
Me: yes, it should be fixed now, can you please check it to make sure?
Colleague: but if I go there it will break things
Me: Can you just go to the page
Colleague: it broke something
Me: what did it break?
Colleague: I don't know
Me: ...then how do you know it's broken
Colleague: because the gallery doesn't work
Me: WELL THEN THATS WHAT'S FUCKING BROKEN THEN ISN'T IT14 -
Germany
It's:
"oh cool. you must have good job perspectives."
Or:
"you just use a computer. that's not real work. do a job where you use your muscles. lazy student."
And the best:
"Can you gift me with computer parts for free" or "can you copy program XY for me? It cost to much."13 -
This happened right before lunch.
Me: hey, what languages do you know?
Classmate: i know python that's pretty much it. What abou...
Random fella: ...-yOU cAn TalK SnekK?!?!?!4 -
So, I saw this on Reddit, and I thought about sharing it here...
What do you think? It's somewhat accurate, or it can have some changes?
(The Chaotic Good made me chuckle 😂)23 -
What do you mean the master doesn't build? How can it not build? Stop breaking master! It is not your personal playground branch for 🐙🐙🐙 sake!!!6
-
Development is a team sport.
If you think you can do something better but your team doesn't understand it or can't work with them. You have two options: Teach them or don't do it.
This task seems easy but teach and tell are different things. Prepare to repeat things over and over again and give up your own time to share the knowledge.9 -
Designer: Can you hide scrollbar and still make web scrollable?
I: Sure.
Designer: Ok fine, i'll do that in next design.
I: Wait, how users will know the web has more content?
Designer: I'll put the mouse icon on the bottom.
I: It is not good idea. People can overlook it.
Designer: It will be fine.
I: I strongly recommend to you not to do it.
Designer: Why?
I: Confusion besides other reasons.
Designer: If you can do it, do it.
I: Ok than.
$request->getIP() == 'his_ip' ? 'hide-scrollbar';4 -
Creating PHP Sites in class:
Teacher: Right guys open your DreamWeaver Code
Me: I found it easier to use Sublime, Just need to do the CSS
Teacher: I don't think you can create a style sheet without DreamWeaver
Me: 🙄🙄🖕👏👏👏👍28 -
Client: I will send the design you just make it.
Me: uhh,..are you sure you can do it?
Client: ofcourse i can
*2 days later, sends this*6 -
[SO] Can you unload the dishwasher?
[Me] Of course.
*5 hours later*
[SO] Why is the dishwasher still not done ?
[Me] Why would it be ?
[SO] I asked you to unload it ....
[Me] No, you asked if I CAN do it, and I am able to do it, you didn't ask me to actually do it.
[SO thinking] God, why did I marry a fucking programmer.....12 -
Friend: I don’t need git. Git is for people like you who cant do good backup of their code
Me: Yeah, yeah, go do whatever you like...
2h later comes to me:
Friend: Can you make me repo and show how to use it...?
Me: What..? You drunk?
Friend: Naaah, no... My disk broke while ago...
Karma is a bitch :D6 -
Mum: Is this the big data?
Father: Do you know anything about Bitcoin? Can you explain me what it is?1 -
Customer logic - "We'd like a website but we don't know what we want...so can you do a whole thing so we can change 80% of it day after day until we are bored of it? Thanks"4
-
@dfox can we please add an optional 'vote' option in rants? :D It would be fun to check the preferences of people for different things.
e.g. How do you pronounce 'git'?
1. Git
2. Jit24 -
Campaign manager: I don't see my campaign on portal xxx.
Me: Are you sure? I can see it correctly...
CM: Yes, I don't see anything.
Me: Do you have an ad blocker on?
CM: ... Oh, right.
#eyeroll -
Alrighty then, so you can do this and it'll still work...
Like, I suppose technically speaking it makes sense....20 -
Yeah sure, you can have your site files and database. Host it yourself. Get your cousin to maintain it. Go ahead. Yeah, sure, you're gonna do ~really~ well. Bye bye, ya micro-managing fuck nugget :D3
-
"Can you do this?"
Sure, give me the information I need...
"We don't have all of it yet"
So I can't do it then
"Well when can you do it"
When you get the information
"Do you need *all* of it"
Well, it's either I do half a job and waste my time, or get it all done in one shot
"The client wants it tomorrow"
When will we have the information?
"We don't know"
Well they aren't having it tomorrow then, are they...
Sales people... don't care *how* things work, as long as they get a tick against their name to show they've sold something...3 -
The most important part of compiling is whispering "Come on, you can do it, you can do it" to the server.1
-
Me to my family :
Family: so this printer not working
Me: have you installed its software
Family: no, can you do it?
Me: i could travel 1 hour or you can just google and download it, its really quite simp--
Family: yeah this is to complicated for me il need you to come over12 -
Friend: I have a small flask project. Can you do the same in node js?
Me: Hmm okay... I guess I can do that.
Also me: Send me the the project code.
Friend: No, I've signed a NDA with the startup. I can't share it. Maybe you could just teach me how to do it.
*The deadline was in an hour*
Me: ¯\_(ʘ_ʘ)_/¯ -
Clients who don't get back to you for weeks and then suddenly need it done urgently. Just once I would love to say "sorry, booked up, no can do."3
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Indian web dev company (during the interview)::
We follow standards
Me:: Hey, can I get the project's github link so that I can fork it, do my tasks, run test cases, push and, make pull request that you can review, run integration test, and finally merge.
Indian web dev company:: What?? Here's the ftp credentials.
Me::15 -
Boss: Can you modify the prototype, so that I can show it off to the customers who will visit?
Me: Sure, when do you need it?
Boss: In two hours.
Lesson learned: Always have a branch in your git with a working demo.7 -
GF's brother, Connel (a seaman), knows I work in IT
Connel: you hack computers, right?
Me: not really. I'm more of a developer for businesses
Connel: can you hack banks like [insert name of local bank]? We can hack other people's passwords and make tons of money *laughs hysterically*
Me: (a bit awkward) probably. it depends
Connel: but you can really do it, right?
Me: uhm, maybe. It depends
Connel: but you can do it if you choose to, right?
*this went over for next 5 mins*4 -
him: *explains feature*
Can you do that?
me: No.
him: Okay, you'll do that.
spoiler: I did it. This actually happened like 3 times with the same dude.5 -
If you think about it, modern webpages and anal sex are pretty much the same.
Sure, you can do it, but it wasnt designed for that and you will probably end up with a shitfest.7 -
Friend: hey can you make me a website?
Me: sure, what is it for?
Friend: 'whatever the site is for'
Me: Ok, what are the different tabs you want for the navigation bar?
Friend: Ummm... Idk yet
Me: Ok... So do you have an idea what you want the website to look like?
Friend: Ummm just make it look pretty
Me:undefined guess will try something i'm a programmer not a designer areyoureallyreadyforwebsite whyevenask am i the only one here2 -
When my former boss let me go, he asked "you devs do not plant some secret code into your software so you can destroy it remotely, do you?".
I smiled and walked away.
Needless to say I got some money on top on my last day at that job.2 -
I'm a freelance web developer and I'm only 16 years old, coding since 5 years! Go for your goals, you can do it!5
-
Other: "You know the app you're going to develop for us?"
Me: "Yes."
Other: "Can you give me access to it so I can take some screenshots for writing the guidance?"
Me: "Err.. Well not really as it doesn't actually exist yet..."
Why do I have to deal with such people.3 -
Dad: [this company] is coming to town soon.
Me: I know
Dad: yeah maybe you can get a IT job
Me: I dont do IT
Dad: You never know what you do until you do it.
Me: *getting an aneurism from sheer ignorance*
I DO IT EVERY DAY HOW WOULD I NOT KNOW WHAT IM DOING THAT I EVEN WENT TO SCHOOL FOR?17 -
— I heard you like programming and are quite good at it.
— Don't know about the latter but I do like it.
— Cool. Can you help me set up this Excel spreadsheet?
Actual conversation I had about two months ago...3 -
HR: What was the last project you handled?
Me: I worked on an internal system for my current company. It is basically an interdepartmental monitoring system.
HR: Ohh. Good. Do you have a copy of it? Can you show me how it works?
Me: ......5 -
Me: -gets in Uber hoping it will be a quiet ride-
Uber: hey
Me: hey
Uber: So, uh, what do you do?
Me: Oh I'm a software developer.
Uber: Ooohhhh. So you can make the next Uber/Careem if I were to ask you right!?
Me:4 -
An idea for a romantic gesture to my python loving girlfriend
ill make a library with poems I wrote for her and other nice stuff
upload it to pip and call it by her name
now you can pip install it
every time you do import "her name"
it will write out a poem about her
what do you think?15 -
Dear devRant,
I know you will hate me if I do this, so please set me straight,
I have urges...
Urges to create my own, fucked up flavor of markdown....
and worse yet.....
to make it a JavaScript templating engine.................
and publish it to NPM......................
I know you can do it. You can stop me before I commit this atrocity.12 -
Friend: "i really don't understand why our school didn't teach us HTML as first programming language, you can do some stunning looking website with it"
Me: 🤔10 -
That moment when the you actually think that this huge refactoring isn't worth it, but you do it anyway so you can live with yourself...
Code quality is love. Code quality is life.1 -
Hi Fellas !
I'm new here. I have no idea what makes you get so many ++ and what ++ can do for you.
I'm just feeling better here, it feels like im entering my soul's home!
Weekend is near, what project you gonna do ?
Have a great day !41 -
While writing a Xamarin Forms app in C#.
Graphic designer: "Can you increase the letter spacing of this label by 1.5em?"
Me: "Uhhhh...."
Graphic designer: "I know you can do it, I've done it in CSS before"
Me: "...."11 -
Our CEO/Boss thought up a new idea for an App
Boss: I got a new idea, i dont know what it is, but its very easy. How long you can do it?
Us: •.•3 -
Ok google, set an alarm in 20min works great but when you say ok google, cancel my alarm it just says you can do that in the app. I know I can do it in the alarm app, but I am a lazy piece of shit, that's why I asked you to do it!4
-
Mom: why haven't you been doing your computer science homework at home ?
Me : because you won't let me have a computer and I can't run the software I need on my school iPad
Mom: bull shit you can run it that iPad can do anything that you can do on a computer
Me : no you can't that's not even...*mom cuts me off*
Mom : don't talk back to me you just don't wanna do your homework
Mom: all computers are the same they just have different names
Me : that's not even true in the slightest... *gets cut off again*
Mom: shut up and do your damn homework
Me: 😐20 -
After doing the work he requested as he wanted he was not happy. So i thought we sit and discuss what he didn't like. I was so wrong.
...
Boss: "...you know what I think you are: a fraud; Masquerading as a developer. The database design you have given is shit. The template I gave you I did in 1 hour. You took half the day."
He gave a simple template to use and he told me to come up with an ecommerce db design via downloading PrestaShop and seeing what is relevant to us.
Me: "what did I do wrong?"
Boss: "you think I don't know what PK means in database design? Why the fuck did you put this here."
Me: "can I expl..."
Boss: "I'm not finished, you been here half the month and what work have you to show for it..."
Me: "I have..."
Boss: "You shut up when I can speaking"
Me: "ok"
Boss: "You have no work to show for the time you have been here. I tell you what to do. I want someone who is proactive. My friend, you will do the work I tell you to do, you understand?"
Me: "yes but can I just say that I have been doing your work I have the contact the various developers as you..."
Boss: " You shut up when your boss is speaking. Can you do this work? (Slightly long pause)
Me: "I can do it. But, I have done the bits of the work you said I do. I was h..."
Boss "don't give me bullshit stories...you haven't done the work..."
Me: "But you have spoken"
Boss:" You know what Im giving you 1 weeks notice if you are not able to do the work. Can you do it?"
That moment!!! I was literally shaking I could have high fived his face with his laptop.
Me: "yes I can"
Boss: "Then get the fuck out of my sight and do it"8 -
Do you wanna build a Program?
Come on it can be in C
Doesn't compile anymore
bugs to report
Perhaps a parsing tree
We used to be peer buddies
And now we're not
I wish you would tell me why!-
Do you wanna build a Program?
It doesn't have to be in C.
Stackoverflow, Anna
Okay, bye2 -
Front end dev be like:
Me:
This is greatest design concept ever!
Why isn't it working? It was working yesterday.
This is the stupidest design concept ever.
It works! It works! The client is going to love this as much as I do. It's exactly what they asked for!
Client:
Actually, can you do something completely different?6 -
"I hear that you are doing with computers ?"
"Yes im programmer and what do you need ?"
Then there are two options
1. "Can you fix my PC?"
2. "Can you hack my ex FB i really need it"10 -
The spaghetti monster is online.
Literally changes on the last minute.
Pushed to master, let CI/CD deal with it and left for lunch.
Bugs? Haha, sure.
Serious one? You can bet.
Do you care? Nope.5 -
I fucking hate the web guy.
He says - make a pop-up of the raw text you're receiving (in the app) so that I can test it easily while I fix it.
I did it.
Now he laughs and says - I think you searched for it and simply copied from wrong example. All you had to do was handle the text and parse it and display it blablabla instead of simply popping up the raw text.
Thank you I flipping KNOW all of that, you stuck up obnoxious frog. I did it that way initially and uploaded it coz you SAID so! Why do you ALWAYS have to talk like I know nothing!?5 -
Real fact: 1999
IT: IT, how can I help?
MrB: I'm Butcheek. This program is shit, I can't even log-in!
IT: oh.. Ok Mr. Butcheek, let’s see if I can help...
MrB: of course you can: fix this shitty program and made me log in!
IT: I’ll try to do my best to assist you, can you...
MrB: I just want to log in! Can you speak my language? This new program is ridiculous, I wonder why you IT guys changed the old one, it was a mess but at least I could log in...
IT: I'm sorry you are experiencing this problem, but to assist you I need to know exactly what's the problem
MrB: I CANT LOG IN!!!
IT: ok, I understand this, but can you please provide some more information? Do you receive any particular error messages?
MrB: it says “wrong password” but it's not true!
IT: Ok, that's strange. Look, I'm resetting your password and then you will try again. At the first log in you will be asked to change it again, ok?
MrB: just be quick, I can't waste any more time on this!
IT: sure... Ok done. Please, can you try again? The password is “butcheek”
MrB: it asks for the username. What am I supposed to write here?
IT: “butcheek”
MrB: oh... Ok. And what's the password?
IT: “butcheek”
MrB:... No... Wait... Ok, “butcheek” is the password but what's the username?
IT: “butcheek”!
MrB: you don't understand, I have to put both username AND password!
IT: I know! “butcheek”! For both username AND password!
MrB: so I have to write “butcheek”-”butcheek”?
IT: yes, “butcheek”-”butcheek”!
MrB: so... “butcheek”...twice? Sounds weird... are you sure?
IT: yes I'm sure! However, you can choose either to write “butcheek” twice or “ASS” once, if you prefer...5 -
Super important prospective client: Yes but can your software application do that thing?
Me: Yes, yes it can do that thing.
Prospective: Great, fantastic thank you please take my money.
Me: Awesome.
Me: *runs away to implement that thing*
Please have my tombstone read "sales-oriented software" as cause of death.3 -
Which do you think designers are tired of hearing?
"Make the logo bigger"
"Looks great but can you make it pop"
"Can you make it pretty"
"Something is missing in the design but I'm not sure what is."
After 15 Revisions
"I think the first design you made was better."10 -
Just came across this quote...
"The worst thing you can do for your organization is prove how smart you are."
Liked it and thought I'd share it to all the devs out there.4 -
Client : I have a scraping project for you...
Me : Yeah tell me which site you want me to scrape and what data from it?
Client : I want you to scrape data from 500 sites
Me : 500 sites...are you serious?
Client : Yeah 500 sites...can you do the job?
Me : ok...for 500 sites...the charge will be $500...
Client : Are you out of your mind? $500 for just 500 sites...I can only give you $5019 -
Do you guys know any Github repos with really Bad C++ code?
Just wanna see if I can understand it, as a test... 🤔9 -
Let me ask you something: why do most people prefer ms word over a simple plain text document when writing a manual. Use Markdown!
You can search and index it (grep, ack, etc)
You don't waste time formatting it.
It's portable over OS.
You only need a simple text editor.
You can export it to other formats, like PDF to print it!
You can use a version control system to version it.
Please! stop using those other formats. Make everyone's life easier.
Same applies when sharing tables. Simple CSV files are enough most of the time.
Thank you!!?!19 -
My boss: "We need this feature by Friday"
Me: "I can make it work, but I need more time to do it properly"
Boss: "Just fix it by Friday, and you can make a proper implementation later, when there is time"
Like there will ever be time once it works...3 -
At a point in your life, you'll settle down abit, and you start to think about what you've done in the past (idk) years of your life.
Then you think about your career, how everything is ever since you discovered you were good at a certain thing since highschool.
be it programing, writing random codes, pentesting (or if you had that "hacker" phase in your life) or fixing laptops and etc.
"Good"
You think about the word, and you had a thought: You only know how to do it, how it works, how its done, and how to do it.
You only "Know", it takes practice, patience, dedication and years (or months depends on you) of experience before you can really say for sure you're "Good" at it.
Me? Im no where near good. but that doesn't stop me from going there.
And i hope the same goes for you. You can do it,
Have a great day.3 -
Hey guys, if you have some time, can you provide feedback on a new website I launched. It aggregates online product reviews and applies AI to them.
http://diducheck.com
Do you think this is a useful website? Thanks in advance!32 -
me: so can i use strlen?
intern: no!! you need it implement it!
me: *calls teacher* hey can i use strlen?
teacher: yeah, do as you please. who told u you can't use it?
me: *points at the other guy*
whoops i think i just got him in trouble today xd sorry not sorry, i want him gone so i can replace him hahaha jk4 -
Good morning guys,
Have a nice day with your task today.
Let's smile and be positive you will feel better and more productive ^^
"You Can Do It!"7 -
Coding without coffee is like driving without wheels: you can do it for a while, but you won't get far and you'll leave chaos in your wake.1
-
You know what Linux has taught me? That above anything, a computer is just a tool. There is a lot you can do with the tool, but do not depend on it so much that you fear losing it.1
-
Windows 10 Enterprise i just hate it cost like a lot and its not useful Linux is free and you can do a lot of things3
-
Me: Can you do the javadocs comments
Coworker: I've never done that, *looks for it on google*, I can't do it, I don't know how.
Me: Did no one asked you to comment you code at school?
Coworker: Yeah, but only the ones with '//'
Me: Ok, bring me coffee1 -
Client:
We want you to use the code you used 3 years ago to deliver a similar feature for a different company and then it means we can do this properly because you can just copy and paste it for our needs.. we can pay you a few dollars but we really know what we need so the cost should be very small.
Me:
What the fuck.3 -
Customer: Do you have a 2GB RAM stick?
Me: Yes, we do. Do you know what you have and what you need?
Customer: Yes, I have a one-zero-two-four M-B stick and a two-zero-four-eight M-B stick.
Me: So... a 10-24 Meg stick and a 20-48 Meg stick
Customer: Yes.
Me: Ok.... and do you know if it's going to be DDR2 or...?
Customer: Yes, DDR2.
Me: Okay, yes, we do have some. And will you want us to install it?
Customer: No. I can install it. I've been putting computers together for 30 years, so I think I can do it.3 -
Me : Can I have your Server Access to deploy project.
Client : I don't have server. I will run it on my laptop.
Me : Okay, Are you sure? And do you have static IP?
Client : what's that?
😂1 -
No matter how hard requirement look or the thing you're going to develop JUST START THAT SHIT it will take time but you can and will do it.
-
!rant
Challenge for all Linux users:
You have to unpack sometarball.tgz
You have 10 seconds.
No googling!
Can you do it?29 -
"Why do you use open source software? Anyone can open the code and tinker with it."
- A Software Engineering grad.
🤦♂️11 -
Me: have you tried turning it off and on again?
Customer: oh come on, is that the best you can do!
M:ok how about we
clear all active memory,
Reset the firmware parameters
run system diagnostics and
reinitialise the basic input output system?
C: Wow .. yeah how do we do that?
M: turn it off and on again! -
At work, an idiot who has never worked on machine learning before and understands nothing about it: "You know what, machine learning isn't actually hard. It is just basic statistics and then you download the model online and that's it! There's nothing else you are doing!"
STFU, you moron! Do you think just any model can work for your use case? Do you fucking think it is easy to come up with new architecture for a very specific use case and test it accurately? Do you think it's easy to effectively train a model and do hyper-parameter optimization?Do you fucking think it is easy to retrieve the right data for your use case? Do you think it's easy to keep up with research papers on arXiv being released daily? Do you think this is fucking javascript and there's a framework for everything? Stfu!
Honestly, i hate ignorant morons who generalize stuff they don't clearly understand.5 -
That feeling of wanting to walk away from coding forever and not having a single thing to do with it ever again, but also having nothing else you can do and a powerful need to eat and have shelter.8
-
What do you need a boss if you can find the idea, analyze it, design the product, code it, test it, setup the cloud and even do the marketing.
Dear bosses,
I am a developer not a God!3 -
Your phone/laptop is on 5%
After it dies you can never recharge it, and you can never get another (all technology is dieing)
What do you do?41 -
woohoo got my stickers!!
Thank you Tim & David.
also here is my pi zero based rubber ducky, it can do more than just debug :p -
What kind of variable conventions do you use?
timesincereseat
TimeSinceReseat
timeSinceReseat
TIMESINCERESEAT
TIME_SINCE_RESEAT
time_since_reseat
global{'tsr'} # so nobody can read it :)12 -
Non IT Friend: Dude, I forgot my Windows password, can you hack into it urgently and get me the password, I have some important work to do.
Me: *pulls out gun* ...5 -
"Can you zoom in to this teeny tiny spot on this photo and sharpen it like how they do it in CSI?"
OR
"You can uncensor this, yeah?"
Yeah let me poop out the winning lottery numbers while I poop out nonexistent pixels for you.3 -
Introducing. Snapchat privacy invasion. You can see where your added friends are if they do not disable it (enable ghost mode).
Good job :)5 -
This is what I love about fellow devs - they know what's best, you don't need to ask something like "please keep adding xyz to your post so we can see if it...". We just do it. :32
-
I love the way an IDE can pick up the exact location of a syntax error and know what needs to be fixed but it makes you do it instead.4
-
Conversation with coworker at a staff function...
girl: ...we can't wait to see what you can do!
Me: Great! I can't wait to get stuck in, but you know, those exports you wanted from it, that doesn't have to wait. If you need that straight away, come to my desk and I'll make some queries for you and pull out the data you want...
Girl: o_0
Girl: ... Omg, you can do that?! You're awesome!!
Me later: o_0 - the Dev before me could never at least do that?!6 -
Fuck you Windows!
It fucking started to update while I had to left for hour! My Gimp project is gone, because it had to bloody update. Someone should sue those assholes. Why Linux can wait for you to update and do it without restarting whole computer?! Is it really that hard to do that? Ohh wait, it's Microsoft!8 -
Don't you feel sometimes like you may not be as good dev as you think you are? Like all you do is search for chunks of code in stackoverflow so you can assamble a semi functional project.
I'm having one of those days, and it just feels like shit.6 -
I know we have a lot of talented people here. Piece of advice, what ever you build, believe in it. See it through. No matter how good of an idea incompleteness won't get you anywhere.
After all every other day we all analyze different successful products and say "huh... that's nothing. Even we can do that".
Well thats the difference "We" can do that, they DID it.
See your ideas through. Stay motivated =)1 -
I'm a big fan of 'as' keyword in Python. It makes importing packages in the beginning of the code so slick.
Instead of doing:
> import what
> what.does.the.fox.say()
You can neatly do:
> from what import does.the.fox as fox
> fox.say() -
When you stop freelancing because clients don’t spend enough to keep you making enough money to continue freelancing for a living. But then they come back begging you to keep working on their stuff because suddenly they have enough money and a need and because they can’t seem to find anyone who can do it as good as you did. But even with them handing you new cash money all you want to do is not do that stuff anymore. But money.3
-
Just because you can do things in one line and throw in ternary operators everywhere, doesn't mean you should.. other people will touch your code. Make it readable instead of making it harder to maintain8
-
Watching IT guy on the show "How to get away with murder" explain how to hack:
"It's not that complicated, really. You just download that app from the deep web and worm your way into the phone company's main frame using basic java code. Anyone can learn how to do that."
Thats how you do it! Thank me later.8 -
"Let's go to buy Laptop for you. You're going to be Computer Engineer"
after 2 months
" What do you do all day spending on laptop?"
"Programing"
"Well, how's that work?"
"It follows some algorithms to get desired output"
"???, Some important files are accidentally deleted from my usb storage. Can you recover those files?"
😮😣1 -
I'm 30 years old, sometimes I feel old to study computer/web programming.
What do you think? If it's not true, what can I do to change the way I think about it?28 -
In my past job,
Boss: We need to send the build by day end. Here is the FTP details you asked for.
Me: But password is missing in it..
Boss: I dont care, do whatever you can do... google is there.. fix it anyhow...
Me: ......(Banging head on wall)..... -
I'm told that a worker can't clock into work on his phone because he does something different from his fellow employees. So I go to him to ask hey what do you need in order to clock in.
"Oh well I do something different from everyone"
Yeah I know I'm trying to get it so you can clock in on the phone as well what do you clock into.
"Well the other guys can clock into things on the phone you should ask them if you want to know how to clock into on the phone. I do different jobs then them"
Yes I know, what do you different so I can add it to the phone clock in app?
"What I do isn't on the phone you can't clock into it on there you have to clock into it here."
Would it be unprofessional to strangle him?3 -
Boss be like..
Boss: Hey can make this for me?
Dev: Sure, when do you need it?
Boss: Yesterday
*facepalm*1 -
"So, coder huh. What languages do you use? HTML, CSS, JavaScript? That type of stuff?"
"No. I use React. You see... with hooks... "
"Well, can you change some of the CSS on my website for me?"
"Is it React?"6 -
A friend just asked me if I can convert a pdf to an image file.
Me: yes sure (easier to do than to ask why)
Me: What format do you want it in JPG or PNG?
Friend: yes
Me: ...
Sometimes it's easier to just do it than to start asking and teaching people how to use computers...3 -
Colleague from other department : Hey man I don't think my laptop can access to my company mail do you think you can fix it?
Me, newly working as an application programmer : Nah sorry man, perhaps you could ask that technician by the server room. He will know more hardware than I do.
Colleague : But aren't you also an IT specialist?
Me : Did you just assume my occupation? -
When you know the whole week's weather forecast w/o even looking at it, because your neighbours above you are aged people and when they read it out *loud* you can hear it all sooo clearly...
Boy do I want my own house....6 -
What can you do with people using so many times git force push ...
* explain gently this is not necessary
* punch him/her everytime you see it
* other stuff that is not in the above list7 -
Junior developer: I have been using JavaScript for the last three years. Can I do something to improve?
Me: It is as dangerous as coronavirus but you can recover.3 -
Client - I want something kinda like uber, can you do it?
Me - Sure, give me 1.5 million dollars and we're set!2 -
why do so many programmers have so little regard for grammar/syntax, spelling and formatting when it comes to written communication?? it's not as though you can get away with ignoring their analogues when coding!4
-
It's one of the rare fields where you get to be both creative and functional. Whatever you want to happen on the screen you can make it happen. You can really put yourself into whatever you are making. Maybe you can't do that and make a ton of money at work. Maybe you can't do that and release a product everyone will love. But you can do it. You can put power in people's hands. You can embed parts of yourself, your philosophy, your thoughts, your wishes, etc. into software and spread it all over the world very quickly. I like that about it1
-
At home: Man I really love code and everything I can do with it. I'm a fucking wizard.
At work: You want me to copy and paste some text into the view for you? Okay... *cries into keyboard* -
!rant
To those of you who don't know about this, if you have a Microsoft account, you can sign up for Visual Studio Dev Essentials with it. Doing that gives you 3 months free access to Pluralsights, which is a really nice website to learn new stuff. Do check it out.2 -
Do the things you love. If you do that for a living, it won't feel like work. Nobody can beat that with with work mentality.20
-
Whispers in the dark haunt me:
You are not here to innovate
You are known as a mad scientist and your help will be detrimental to progress
Your wish of change goes against our legacy
You can not do it
It can't be done
You will be blocked
You don't have the experience to accomplish this
It is not easy as it seems
You won't understand
There are political reasons to not to improve
No5 -
sales: we will need a sponsored blog for client XY, can you start working on it?
me: I am really busy I can't do it as soon as next wednesday.
sales: but I promised it will be ready for this tuesday (yes, two days ago)
me: do you have any specification?
sales: what is a specification?
---- Happy Birthday for me ----1 -
Quote of the day:
The strength of JavaScript is that you can do anything with it. The weakness is that you will!!!
🤣🤣
- JavaScript Allongé -
Mom: hey I can't get into the phone, the PIN and PUK aren't working. See if you can fix it otherwise you'll have to go to the communications company to ask for a new card (my mom is working and can't do it)
Me: //gives it another try. Doesn't work. Searches online. Yep, can't do anything, it needs a new card
Me: sorry mom, you have to get a new card, there's nothing I can do.
Mom: OK
Me: why did you ask me for help, again?
Mom: well because you can do things and fix things and so, and I thought that maybe you could fix it
Me: 😑2 -
"Can you teach us how to do x? If not, how much would you charge for doing it yourself?"
Bitch, my time is valuable, if I teach you, I'm gonna charge you anyway... -
A cousin: Hey, You're a programmer, right?
Me: Yeah, what do you need?
Him: My smart washing machine is not working, can you fix it for me?
Me: Well.. call the company.
Him: How can you call yourself a programmer? You didn't even know how to reconfigure my cable receiver yesterday!..
Me: .... (WTF internally).10 -
Reasons I'm glad I'm out of freelance:
I want you to rebuild my website but you need to do it here in front of me so if it breaks later, I can fix it.2 -
Yesterday
Me : Hey, I'd like to do a pull request, but there's something that might not help, you think you can help me solving it before I finish that task ?
Worker : *no response at all*
Today
Worker, by mail : Hey could you do a pull request ?
Me : ... 凸(⊙▂⊙✖ ) thanks for answering my question, edgy bitch1 -
Making games for my TI-Nspire CX CAS is so much fun!
It's so simple but you can do a lot with it. It's also a bit of a challenge because you don't have a huge API with lots of methods and events. You have to use what you have.
Oh btw you can program it with Lua!15 -
"When you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, ‘Certainly I can!’ Then get busy and find out how to do it."
– Theodore Roosevelt
Mr. Roosevelt encouraged a $5000 loss.7 -
I see more and more people encouraging people to learn Haskell. But why ? What can you do with it, that you would not do with another language? what have you done with haskell?7
-
Installing a software on Linux can be such a pain sometimes....
This software needs a dependency, which needs another, which in turn needs another......
I mean if you already know you need it, go install it yourself. Why do I need to do everything manually?
And no. A simple apt get install won't work. You need a third party dependency which adds the package to the repository and some other stuff before you can do anything.
Why? Just why?3 -
Need urgent change for the site, it takes 5 minutes I guess, no more than an hour anyway.
Can you do it during your break? Thank you2 -
My most common response to everything this week is "What do you mean? Lol."
My brain is timing out. It's like whoever made this chatbot forgot to make it conversational and can only process complete commands in one request. Conversations go like this:
Person: "We need to do thing1 and thing2."
Me: "I already did thing1."
Person: "Great! Now you can do thing2."
Me: "What do you mean? Lol."
I annoy myself. I need a break.3 -
"I have this idea which brings me and you a lot of money. But i can't pay you yet, you have to work for free. And no, the idea isn't already coded there is nothing like it. If you can code it, i will give you 1000$ if it's released."
Yeah, well, no. If i've anything learned in may short career of coding professionally: Do nothing for free. If it's a good idea and you can stand behind it, do it with a contract which guarantees you at least a basic salary.
Sorry for my bad english. Not native -
Fuck the feelings of powerlessness and helplessness. when a friend comes crying for you for help with their hacked account and you keep asking them about what they did to protect it in the first place and they reply with nothing, no recovery email, no recover phone, no secondary verification, NOTHING. and you can do nothing but stand there and watch them cry while you can literally do nothing because there literally nothing you can do to retrieve their stolen accounts. FUCK BLACK HAT HACKERS.3
-
Rant!
Others: hey, can you do this?... //details scrapped
Me: (after thinking a while) yes.
Others: Perfect! Can it be done like 2 days ago?
My mental image: throws my laptop to he/her face while shouting if it's so easy you should fucking do it!1 -
You know you're in for a fun time when you open code you wrote the previous night and a comment starts with "Fuck this, it works, sober me can deal with it"
Why do I do this to myself .-.3 -
That rage when you reinstall Ubuntu MATE on its partition, and it decides to nuke your Windows partition instead, with all the files you had on it too.
FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
HOW HARD CAN IT FUCKING BE TO INSTALL YOURSELF WHERE I FUCKING TELL YOU TO? WHY THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN ASK ME WHAT TO DO, IF YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A MIND OF YOUR OWN ANYWAY?
DIE IN A FIRE5 -
How do you write your "identity" in your code so that others can see that it's you who made it?
Do you do it with a simple "made by" or do you write more?17 -
Client: I need you to integrate with this API.
Me: ok cool, but what are we doing with it (where does the data go/styling)?
Client: what do think we should do?
Me: well it would be really cool if we did it like this *short and sweet explanation of really cool functionality and design*
Client: I LOVE IT! Let's do it, oh also I need it done by tomorrow...
Me: *GOD DAMNIT, why do you always do this...don't you dare say ok* ok, yeah I can totally do that.
...now at the market stocking up on redbull2 -
Person: "Can you speed up my computer? Don't delete anything though."
Me: "Your hard drive is at 99%... you need to get rid of some stuff."
Person: "Can't you do it with out deleting anything?"
Me: "We can move it to a cloud service..."
Person :"No, that won't work. How will get my stuff back?"
Me: "Nvm..."2 -
Some people just don't get it. When you meet friends who are either non technical or very new to programming, all they ask you is what language do you use.
The language is important but not everything. It's what you do with it that matters. Just because you know python, doesn't mean that you can do machine learning. Even simply asking what do I do is better than that!
The language is just a tool! Learn to be language agnostic please. Be a programmer, not a code monkey2 -
I do not think that GoTo is bad. It can lead to hellish code but if you don't misuse it - it can be extremely useful.6
-
"Do you know you can even download images via Google search and save it or print it? Guess what, that's the secret to my template images."
-
!dev
When you're waiting impatiently for your computer to load something so you basically become the computer's personal cheerleader. -
I am a learn it all, do what you can kind of guy. I work alone so Fullstack I guess, hate UI though, god saves boostrap.
-
Fellow C# programmers, how often do you use #region in your projects and how important do you think it is?
I have found myself using it increasingly. It works great for me and I feel that I can structure my code better.10 -
Using git without a GUI is like biking blind-folded. Sure you can do it but it's way easier if you see what's going on.28
-
Ugh, doing laundry sucks. Partially because the laundry area is adjacent to the living room and that makes it harder to hear stranger things, but mostly because it signals the end of the weekend. But I decided to be positive and share some positivity with you:
No matter what challenges you will face in the next week, you can do it. The Universe/God/The Flying Spaghetti Monster chose you to face the challenges because you can do. If the universe can believe in you, then so can I. And so should you. Get out there and rock fellow DevRanters!!! -
Co-Dev: The table doesn't have pagination. You said if I use your code it will have search bar and pagination.
Me: Did you initialize datatable? (we are using JQuery DataTables)
CD: No. Do I have to? How can I do it?
I. can't. even.6 -
How do you do it fellow developers? How can you stay productive for the whole day? I've tried and best I can do is 6 hours without feeling my brain mushing. Why do management insist I need to sit in front of the computer for the whole 8 hours...9
-
I don't know your view on girls coding but I love it. They're vicious, focused and can do their job and instantly they can smile at you and make you forget everything. Thank you for being around the office.10
-
anytime someone has a request and tells you how long it should take... run far far away!
"can you do this? should only take like an hour"2 -
What happens when you give a database design to your boss as per what he wants done, he sees it is not impressed, scolds you, curses you out and claims you are 'fraud'. Then you tell him you can do better to redeem yourself...you submit the work better than the first time
And then he terminates you due to 'lack of proficiency'.3 -
They say it will take you 300 years to download the internet. You probably can't do that but you can get pretty close. Just hit Rebuild on Android.
-
Do you make popcorn because you want to eat it...
Or because you want to see if you can pop all the corn?1 -
@linuxxx
Can you do a security / privacy check for ProtonVPN? All I know is that it is Switzerland based and pretty much secure.9 -
You can do java program on dance platform, even on beach platform... Because it is platform independent
-
BA: "Can you design a page for this?"
me (not a designer): "Um, sure, no problem."
Fast forward two days, show the page for approval.
PM: "Hey, can we do it as a pop-up instead?"
:| -
One of my colleague uses git prune to make a local branch track origin. I told him the way to do this (git branch -b newbranch, git branch -u origin/whatever). He says why do it in two commands when you can do it in one. I asked him what do you think git prune actually does? He says, "Who cares?". It pains me deeply.
-
Yes I really wanted to 'rant'..
Tinder, the app that likes to fuck around and not do anything !
Then, it repeatedly asks if you want to login via Facebook, instead of automatically just doing it.
And asks if it can use your location..
And did you know, they use cookies, so please press 'x' to close this dialogue box..
"Do you want notifications about new matches or messages..."
Yes I fucking do you memory lacking application, I click on it every time, but you don't bloody remember do you !
It is like those games that say 'click here to remember password', then ask you for it again a few weeks later..
Wait, are we allowed to swear on here..
Note, for Windows 10 users, only MS Edge can reliably provide the location you set it to, other browsers I find do not..11 -
Client questions that make me shudder:
1. Can you make it pop?
2. I'll know it when I see it.
3. Can you do it like <insert website here>? -
I get it you don't know anything. You are not paying me to be your teacher.
Let me do my job!
At what point can we stop explaining ourselves and every little detail of the job.1 -
!rant
What can you expect to earn at your first IT/dev job in your country (e.g. junior dev after graduating)?
What do seniors usually get?12 -
I was at the bottom of my school and even after I start working as a professional. I was able to overcome my own struggle and become a better person. If I can do it, you can do it too. "We are all equally smart. It is just a matter of strategy".
https://github.com/kenpeter/...3 -
I just can keep the gdpr memes and rants coming, this is getting out of hand, a fucking contact form needs a checkbox, that you fucking obviously "store" it, by sending a fucking email, are you absolutely out of your mind, what do you expect I do, just /dev/null route your shit? maybe I should, shitheads.3
-
Why are PMs always people with no technical knowledge about programming?
PM: "Come on you can do that, it shouldn't be hard".
Me: ...1 -
I had a brainfart and I can't google it, do you happen to know of a game that deals with inventory in the style of a stack (large, but you can only access the topmost few elements at any time)?4
-
It took long enough for google to do something so basic.
So currently if you have provided mic or camera access to one of the apps, then it can also access those features while running in background..3 -
This is legit scary and awesome at the same time. Tried it myself and it is extremely fast and also pretty good...
https://github.com/CorentinJ/...
Imagine if you can do this 6x real-time speed on you computer what can big tech companies achieve. -
!rant
A great achievement doesn't have to change the world. It doesn't have to be noticed by anyone at all. It could actually be shunned by society as a whole.
A great achievement is something that makes you proud, something that pushes you to the limits of what you can do.
There is one issue with defining a great achievement as such, however. People do *not* have limits when it comes to achieving.
A question to you all, what do you suppose a "great achievement" is, and do you feel you've ever do one?3 -
I'm discovering all I can configure with Arch... just figured to tell you, since if I don't do it doesn't count, right?...1
-
One aged person went to banker and said my son is not in country, and he asked me to withdraw money from his mutual fund account. Can you help.
Banker replied, do you have withdraw form signed. If not then can you copy his sign.
Elder guy tried it and stupid banker accepted withdraw form as well.1 -
Who loves those moments when you have been doing one specific group of code to acheive a result only to find out 12 months later that there is a single command that can do it all for you?
-
It's fucking hard to find software names... I hate it. I feel like ever fucking name you can think of is already taken.
How do you guys find names for your software?5 -
I love containerization platforms....for eg. Docker....You can do whatever you want to do in the container..., literally blast it....and whamm!! ....within a minute or two, you can recreate it
-
What it feels like when you tell a newbie coder about reflection and all the stuff you can do with it.3
-
Which privacy-respecting email provider can you recommend? It seems that the following three are the best options:
- tutanota (0€ / 12€)
- posteo (12€)
- mailbox.org (12€)
Do you have any experience with them?
What do you think about a hosted email service with your own domain?20 -
So... Apparently you can do ctrl+backspace in steam's password field and it deletes up to the last space instead of deleting the whole password... Nice.2
-
"Programming is a craft. At its simplest, it comes down to getting a
computer to do what you want it to do (or what your user wants it to do). As a programmer, you are part listener, part advisor, part interpreter, and part dictator. You try to capture elusive requirements and find a way of expressing them so that a mere machine can do them justice. You try to document your work so that others can understand it, and you try to
engineer your work so that others can build on it. What's more, you try to do all this against the relentless ticking of the project clock. You work small miracles every day.
It's a difficult job. "
- The pragmatic programmer -
!rant
How do you get to learn something new? By doing tutorials on YT, Udemy? Going directly to the documentation of the tool/language..etc ? Reading books ? And to practice what you've learned what do you do? Do you build something that you've previously done in another language or look for ideas or how is it? Does anybody know about a "list" of "programs" that can be developed to practice a language knowledge? Thanks :P3 -
Question: what do you think of Flutter? Ever tried it? It sounds good so far, although it has limmited support (as far as I can tell)3
-
The internet is the new wild west. Anything goes. It can be difficult sometimes.
Try to focus, and stick to one segment of Software Development. Do not jump from framework to framework, or from prog language to prog language. Be very loyal to one programming language.
You can not fail. Neither can I. I am too high to fall.1 -
When the management idea of management is to do it yourself. The answer to the question what requirements exist. "Your smart guys, you can figure it out"
-
I like to compare OSses to playgrounds
OS x: a grass field with a fence with a watcher that keeps you from doing something possibly dangerous(/fun) . It's safe but not a lot you can do
Windows: a grass field with a fence, you can climb the fence if you want and do dangerous things if you aren't carefull. less safe but you can do more
Linux: a terrain of your choosing, you can do whatever you want, but it can quickly become dangerous if you don't know what your doing.6 -
Not a rant
What do you all use for taking notes? Preferably something that handles code well and is cloud based (or can be dumped into it)6 -
Her: What do you do in your spare time?
Me: Learn to code
Her: Can you install an antivirus on my laptop and make it go faster?
Now I just want to kill myself. Who else here has encountered this?2 -
That feeling when anything you do in any platform can be done in Javascript and most likely there already is a library for it1
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The customer may always be right, but you are not a customer, you are a client. As a client you have come to us because you have no idea what you are talking about. Rarely do you even know what it is you even want. So how can you be right about something you know nothing about. I want you to be happy with the end product; I emotionally need it as it determines how I value myself as a developer. So trust me when I tell you that you are wrong. That is why you are my client. To give you what you never knew you wanted.
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Why do you think restarting the device mostly works? Be it phones, laptops or routers.. No real answers pls.. Let see how much creativity we can get 😅4
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Rant<X, Y>
Person A: Where can i find X, and how to do it?
Person B: Why X? Find Y, Y is better, you can find Y in the... *explains Y*!
Person A: but.... but i asked for X :(2 -
so guys, I am going to ask you about something I am totally new on it.
what do you think about crypto currency mining? cam I do it using just my PC, if I can what is the estimate benefits?
do you advice me to proceed with this thing.15 -
Do you ever have a problem that you just don't know how to resolve, you are way out of your depth and it seems like there really is no solution. There is nobody you can ask for help. You want to just give up. Then finally you have an answer. You fix the issue and it feels like you are superman and you can do anything. I remember that feeling before but this time I think maybe I should start looking for another job.1
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Yes, i do overtime. But not to get extra pay. I do overtime to finish projects early so i can get enough time on weekend to spend it with my loved ones.
No sudo code help you feel better if you are sick. Spend time with one you love and care about. -
What if your main telecom provider is down? Can you continue to work, code, take customer orders? Do you have a redundant strategy - and no it can't be going to lunch.8
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We can do what your saying in a week and spend the following two months redoing it, or, we can help you get your shit straight for a week and do it right in a week. So, 9 weeks versus a two week sprint. Your call Batman. I really don’t care anymore. It’s the holidays, it’s cold, and money is a great fire starter.
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An interviewer recently asked me "how many 'valid' combinations can you do with N parenthesis, either closing or opening?"
It sounds easy enough, yet I didn't manage to find the solution, apparently I was close enough using dynamic programming. Can you solve it ? :)14 -
Front-end development leaves me slightly in awe of the developers. How do you do it?
I come from a background in scientific computing. I can write boundary element code that's fast, performant and safe. I can build Monte Carlo simulations that work well. I'm even decent with backend development in Flask somehow. But ask me to build a simple web form and... argh!3 -
Today is a sad day. I wanted to do some experimenting with the Google Cloud Vision API, but apparently EU users can use it only as Business user (which sadly I'm not). Why Google, why are you betraying me? 😭2
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Medical Question:
Do you have any tips for dealing with a sore index finger nerve? I've already bought a large mouse so my hand can rest on it but it's been getting worse. 😥3 -
Do you know any blind devs? How do they work?
And can devrant be used by blind people?
Thought about this when reading this rant :
https://devrant.io/rants/647687/... -
When can you call yourself a web developer? Is it when you start making money off of it, or can do a project successfully? I'm still in my bootcamp, but was just pondering thus with my other classmates. We were very proud that one day we'll call ourselves devs!4
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"Never do anything yourself that you can hire someone else to do, especially if they can do it better." - Bill Bernback6
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What do u do when u feel hopeless
What do u do when something is out of your control
But u can not sleep with a peace of mind if it is not resolved
But it can not be resolved because it is out of your control
What do you do2 -
How hard can it be to let sql just multiply some values and sum the results, right? As it turns out, damn hard!
I hear you thinking, surely you can just do select SUM(price*amount) AS total right? Nope! I mean, yes you can, but it fucks up. Oddly. It always ends up giving me wrong results. Always. Wtf sql? And it's not like I'm running a massive dataset or anything, it's like 100 records at most?28 -
Do you think we can, one day, teach an AI it's own coding language and make it improve itself to a point where it can code better versions of itself in an infinite loop until the perfect AI emerges? 🤔3
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My father was working in IT, I once saw him writing a simple code in Basic. I was impressed that You can force a computer to do whatever You want it do do. When he got a Windows PC, I started coding in Pascal with him, and I really liked it. Needless to say, I'm a coder now :-D1
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Does ever Code make you cry badly?? Specially when you thought that task is simple and you can do it easily and then you realize oh fuck :(5
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!rant
When learning to develop mobile applications, should I learn android and iPhone separately, or just use xamarin instead?
Can xamarin replace it all, or do you loose some functionality/performance etc when using it over android studio and Xcode?7 -
I hate people who don't do basic debug and say that it is a Infra/DevOps pipeline issues. If you are not able to compile in your local how it can be compiled by CI engine.3
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To all those senior programmers out there do you think learning assembly can benefit you in landing a job? It seems like an useless language to me other than it might be fun to play around with kernels6
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At university: Error 404
But as I say: you can learn from everything, from good how to do the things, from bad how to not do the things.
One example: don't copy code directly from a PowerPoint presentation, it will change the " to other symbol and make you look like a fool when the compiler throws errors and you don't figure it out why -
Anyone plays Gladiabots (https://gfx47.itch.io/gladiabots)? I used to play it a long time ago and recently "discovered" it again :) I think that this game can make you a better programmer/dev because it challenges you to plan ahead and then "implement". If you want to play a match you can find me under the same nick (but my AI is very weak draft version). BTW do you know any similar games?3
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You know it's here. You know it's coming. You wait patiently in hopes you don't have to update. But it will happen. One moment you look away from your phone, the alarm goes off, and now, there's nothing you can still do.
WELCOME TO IOS 10.3 BETA 4 HOPE YOU LIKE THE NEW EMOJIS!!2 -
When you have to refactor the whole microservice to fix package structuring so it can be modular...why can't people do it correctly the first time?
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I get this pain in my shoulder after a few hours of coding. It can last for weeks if I don't stay away from the computer. What do you guys do to prevent shoulder and neck pain?4
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Any of you guys use jsch for sftp in Java? Do you know who invented it? Where they live? If they have dicks that can be punched?6
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Neever give up on a project if you think you cant do it try learning the skills needed to do it, watch tutorials look at other projects, well i say never give up but if u seriously cant do it due to other issues other then skills well the. dont do it BUT NEVER DELETE THE PROJECT THE CODE CAN BE VERY IMPORTANT OR GOOD FOR OTHER THINGS YOU MIGHT NEED SIMILAR CODE FOR
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Because you maintain a WooCommerce payment gateway plugin, a user contacts you to ask if it can do something that seriously extends the basic checkout functionality.
An e-mail conversation ensues to clarify the nature of the request and see if it is even remotely in scope for the plugin (it isn't).
Final e-mail from the user ends with, "It really isn't all that hard. I think you can probably knock it out in a day or two. ;)" -
Things you can do because you an electronics engineer: hook up 12V supply to 9V device and cry it doesn't work
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Can someone explain tests to me? Maybe I'm a little behind but like, don't you test your code when you run it? Why do you have to write tests instead of just running the code you wrote and testing that?5
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Hey guys quick question! Can you suggest a good kindle book for python? Also, what do you write it with? Currently using vscode with python extension.5
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TFS, I love you. We've been in a relationship for a long time. I've never seen this before. Please don't do it again. If you feel you must do it again, can we talk about it? Maybe with a third party?
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Just curious, but how long do you guys spend programming a day. This isn't counting working time although you can include working time just declare it first!7
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Has it ever happened to you that you do not want to program any more?
It is frustrating... Sometimes I would like to start an idea but then .. nothing, stopped.
How do you solve this kind of situation?
It's not only about work, but I mean also in the freetime where you Can develop your idea or your expirement5 -
Do you think is it worth buying macbook air or some other laptop for the same price? I know I can get better specs for that money but I dont game or do a lot of video editing so I Don't need a beast graphic card, I just need it for coding. What do you think?6
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"Can you do the job without this colleague?"
"No! It is system-relevant."
"why?!"
"cause, he is cooking coffee..."1 -
!Rant
Hey guys, do you have any idea where i can host a NodeJS application for free? It's a school project and id like to have it hosted somewhere to access it more easily.5 -
What do you guys think about Founders/CEOs of software/IT companies with no experience in coding? How can they ever understand a developer’s plight and run a developer friendly company?6
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Maybe one of you can help me, since I can't find something online.
I want to do a transfer.sh-like app in Go. So you can upload a file with curl, it gets stored there for some time and you can download it later.
The problem is, I only found tutorials for uploading files over html-forms, not over curl.
Does any of you know, how to write a handle-function, that accepts something Like
"Curl --upload-file SUPERIMPORTANT localhost:9999/upload"1 -
The human brain can act really weird sometimes! It makes us behave irrationally, believe in total nonsense, and can even change our memories. However, every decision we make is made for a reason. So what do you think, exactly is it that determines the choices you make?6
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Ehm, ok, i'll code this new event calendar concept, but do you realy think it's cool as you think?
.
.
.
At least i can take it as a practice and than throw it to the trash as always.7 -
Do your research on the company you're applying for, and make sure they can give you the proper learning environment and experience. If they can't, fuhget about it. You gotta end up in the right place.1
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Which umbrella do you guys use? I'm looking an umbrella for rain and should be portable so that I can fold and put it on my bag.6
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I was using prismjs to do some code block hightlighting stuff, and while it has some different themes it doesn't have my favorite one: the Darcula theme from JetBrains... So I made one :D https://github.com/LucaScorpion/...
I mainly use it with Gatsby but since it's just a css (or scss) file you can use it pretty much however you want. If you guys do use it let me know if you have any suggestions/improvements! -
'cracking' in our language (Turkish) is using the same meaning with 'to break' verb
+i want a program for drawing something and i searched for it. i found a program name, photoshop. do you have it?
_i dont have its files but if you want i can find
+can i install it myself?
_it needs cracking. can you do it?
+why we broke program? i cant use broken program. i am not a nerd. give me health program. dont fool with me
_?!?!?!?1 -
Best part of being a dev:
You can tell people you can't do something or it will take twice as long, and they don't have a clue as to why because you are a wizard in their eyes -
So int and datetime are not nullable in c#, so you cant assign null to them
While you can't compare int to null (int a; a==null won't compile) you can do it with datetime objects.
Microsoft, can you please get your shit together?
Took me like an hour to realize my date is actually the 1.1.0001 and not null.1 -
During a conference call...
Client: How do we approach this issue?
Me: Reverting changes must be done on the business side-
Manager: But we can do it.
Me: Sir, I have no access for that process, only clients have that kind of access.
Manager: How can you revert changes if you don't have access?!?!?!
Me: ..... -
Hey so if anyone works for/know someone in MSFT, here's an idea if you can get it in front of someone that can do something with it.. (I tried Twitter.
Have Windows feature/app to transcribe/caption any audio (videos, zoom chats, etc).
Like this without all the setup and using your voice engine (Translator).
https://docs.google.com/document/d/...
Think of it this way, your still dominate computers and you can one-up Google.... And Apple.15 -
Foreveralone developers, sit relaxed. With all the events cancelled and people locked in their homes, at least now you can be certain that there is absolutely nothing left you can do to find a partner. Enjoy working from home. Everyone does!
Those who enjoy company of a romantic partner, enjoy! You got it. Those who are lonely, will remain. -
How do you know when you’re overengineering something? Like, you look a project and know you can build this with vanilla JS but the creative team wants it built in React because “components are better”. What do you do?
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So noob question, is automated web scraping a thing? What would you do if you wanted to grab the same information off similar sites and store it in a table that can be manipulated later? All you would have to do is enter the web site link after you finished coding it. I've used Chrome web scraping extensions but want a more automated solution.10
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!rant
I got an old laptop from my girlfriend that I can use for whatever I want.
As a programmer and computer nerd you can't deny that you wouldn't do anything with it, but what to do?
I want to use it for something, but can't figure out what. Maybe you have some ideas :D7 -
!rant
Has anyone had experience in an exclusive pair programming environment? Do you feel you can still be creative? How does it affect your individualism? How can you grab some headspace when you need it?1 -
My fellow programmer, you came here for a rant?
I apologize, you can have no rants. I won't rant for you today.
But you can still help me. What do you think of TypeORM? I'm starting a new project and I'm thinking about using it.5 -
Good thing I found out about www.repl.it well it is like stackblitz that can host many programing languages with frameworks like node + express.
So my frontend will be in stackblitz then backend can be in repl.it
Database can be in firebase or heroku + jawsdb + mysql/postures.
Good for POC or test projects you want to do online. Hope this helps someone. -
Web developers I'm doing a quick poll for a story in writing and I'm curious what development platforms do you use and why do you use it? This can be a CMS platform like WordPress or rails for a web application or even weebly for a WYSIWYG. just curious how you all think and why. Thanks in advance!7
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Mac day 2.0, in Ubuntu you can do ctrl + l on a folder, then the full file path will appear. How do I do it in Mac? Basically the easiest to show full path when I am in a folder3
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hello all I've got a question to ask, i want to work online as a developer, where can I get started, I'd prefer it to be an On request Job, like when people ask you to do something and you do it l, any help would be appreciated, thanks in advance3
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"Do you think advertisement can sell if nobody can read it? You cannot save souls in an empty church." - David Ogilvy1
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!rant
found this android app dcoder where you can write code and it compiles/interept it on their server
and you can do some in/out challenges
feels like passing tests, the whole thing feels like work, but easier
and you can pick any language of the list to do the task, fuck cheap clients and their php 4 shared fucks -
What would be the one thing you can get it right or do it another way if you can go back to this morning. If its just morning there, last night?2
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Do you have any good course to recommend for learning C# coming from another language (JS in my case) ? It can be a book, a website or anything 😉 Thanks