I absolutely hate Database First. Sorry, DBAs.

"Thanks for fixing my code."

Because it's been sorted.

Too lazy to fix trivial bug. "As designed"

Java stronk design. #bestpractices

http://ws.apache.org/xmlrpc/...

Do you have a "I don't write bugs" colleague? Put your language equivalent of this around their code and wait.

try:
# their code
except Exception:
print('lmao')

Most of the work we do is committed into various branches. Everything is merged into the master branch.

Colleague was on vacation. I was working on a bug that was fixed by him some time ago. All I had to do was find the commit and merge it into the relevant branch. I didn't know which branch to search so I just looked into master. Search all commits on master made by colleague.

All I see is:

"Merged into master"
"Merged into master"
...
"Merged into master"

MERGED FUCKING WHAT INTO MASTER?

You are more predictable than "srand(time(NULL))".

If your website has a login wall, my visceral reaction is to close the tab. After that, my rational reaction is to close the closed tab. Because fuck you.

Fidget spinner tech has come really far.

Behold the digital fidget spinner:

What's with all these master/slave terminology rants?

Clearly the world's biggest problem is the default of white text (foreground) on black background in most terminals.

Apple, 2018: We are pleased to announce support for Dual SIM on iPhone Xs.

Apple, 2019: We are pleased to announce support for 3.5mm headphone jack.

Make it happen.

About 14 hours. From 10 AM to 12 PM.

It was a difficult problem on one of those algorithm practice websites, which I just couldn't let go of. I spent most of the time trying to micro-optimize and do the same (wrong) thing in different ways.

The next day, I managed to finish the problem in 2 hours using a different approach.

I learned a bunch of things from this:
- Algorithm analysis matters.
- If you spend too much time on a problem without taking longer breaks, you get stuck in a loop repeating the same mistakes.
- A fresh mind is significantly more productive and creative. Take a break, think about other things and let go of that mental baggage, you'll be surprised.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

I'm working on a bug I can't figure out. I go out for a smoke to clear my mind. Some time passes, I get an idea, finish smoking and I wanna go back up to my desk ASAP.

I have to go up to floor 14. Building has a basic elevator with 2 buttons:
UP arrow - "I wanna go up"
DOWN arrow - "I wanna go down"

User-friendly, intuitive, idiot-proof, you might think. NOPE.

Elevator stops at floor 1 because moron who wants to go down pressed all 2 of the over-intuitive buttons.
Floor 1 moron: "Going up?"
Other people: "Yes"
Floor 1 moron: "Oh"
Me (in my mind): "Oh? BITCH, there's an idicator telling you where it's going. Don't fucking press UP if you're not going up."
Moving on.

Elevator stops at floor 3.
Frustration sets in.
Floor 3 brainlet steps in, doors close.
Floor 3 brainlet takes eyes off phone screen and realises we're going up.
Floor 3 brainlet makes an "oops" kinda noise because "it" obviously wanted to go down.
Floor 3 brainlet stops elevator at floor 5 because "it" doesn't want to go all the way up to floor 14.
Rage sets in.
Me (in my mind): "I hope I get lung cancer so I don't have to deal with this shit anymore"
Moving on.

No more incidents, I calm down. I get to my desk and begin brainstorming about elevator coding. My preferred idea so far:

Elevator is called at floor X but nobody steps in? Elevator doesn't stop at that floor for 2 hours. elevators.size() strikes and the entire floor uses stairs, BITCH.

I spend 1 hour reading rants and writing this. Now I have to get back to my bug. I would appreciate other punishment ideas for elevator misuse.

Reverse engineering:

gnireenigne

You. Yes, you. Shouldn't you be working right now?

Pessimist: a O(2^n) algorithm's performance decreases exponentially as input increases.

Optimist: a O(2^n) algorithm's performance increases exponentially as input decreases.

Put this in your build script for compile-time garbage collection:

find / -name "*.java" -type f -delete