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Search - "elevator"
I went to Paris for my first interview (that was 1989) for a job of Unix kernel developer. All dressed up. I step out of the elevator and see a young punk with scruffy hair and different colour shoes. I reckon he must be the pizza delivery guy. I ask him "dude, can you please point me to the CEO's office for interview". He said "sure, follow me man, I'll show you". We arrive at a desk, he sat down in the big chair and looks at me with a big smile and says "Ok dude, here we are. I am the CEO. Now let's see how good you are!"
I got the job. And 26 years latet, last week, amazing coincidence: I met him again at a trade show in Paris ... with the same coloured shoes. How cool is that!!!29
Real HR policy ...
HR Manager in Heaven!!!
One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR Manager was hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was greeted by God himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said God. "
"Well, What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.
"Sorry, we have rules."
And with that God put the HR Manager in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the hell wt beautiful golf course. And a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. they talked about old times.
She met the Devil who was really a nice guy and She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave.
Everybody waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found God waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and God came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and in heaven. Now u must choose ur eternity,"
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So God escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and said:
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee".😁😁😁
☝dedicated to all companies9
During a penetration test, I was dropped off in a Navy SEAL Ranger Black Hawk helicopter on the top of a 300 story building. I repelled to the 150th floor with fishing line, carved out a window, and installed Kali on the office door knob. I then typed out l337 HTML code in notepad and gained access to the mainframe. Then, some guy named John McClane wouldn't stop asking me for advice as I roped down the elevator shaft cable. I then walked outside, got my shoe shined, and the CEOs daughter came up to me saying she wants to take me to dinner because I'm the most l337 of the l337.11
Wearing devRant tee today! Entire train car was looking at me like wtf is devRant 🙄 And then I met my manager in elevator 🙊11
After one job interview I ran across this one guy in an elevator.
"Are you an IT? I am looking for one".
I nodded, "Yes, I am". He was about to get off the elevator and told me to save his phone number.
By the time I was about to type the last 3 digits of his number on my mobile, I got a call from my brother and the elevator door closed. I immediately rejected the call.
Unfortunately, the dialer went empty and I lost his number.
I was trying to recall the number but I can only remember the last 3 digits.
I went back to the same floor, but there was around 30 offices and I couldn't find him. I gave up.
Faaaaaaaaaaaak. Elevator door closed on me and friggin cracked my favorite GitHub coffee mug.. RIP10
Paypal Rant #3
One day I'll go to Paypal HQ and...
... change all the toilet rolls to face the wrong way
... remap all the semicolons to be the Greek equivalent character
... change all the door signs so they say "pull" instead of "push" and vice versa
... modify all the stairs to have variable heights
... programmatically shuffle the elevator buttons and randomly assign the alarm key to any of the most visited floors
... pour cocoa onto all the keyboards and wipe them off cleanly
... attach clear duct tape over their mouse sensors and insert really weak batteries or mess with their cables
I'll wait a day or two until they experience a sudden shortage of developers, then bombard them with thousands of fake applications from seemingly amazing candidates, then write an AI bot to continue argumentation with HR.
I'll wait another week or so until the company dissolves and with them, all my issues in life.
No need to be overly vulgar this time because you all know the deal. I hate this fucking company. Please Paypal do us all a favor and go fuck yourself.9
I live in an apartment building that has about 20 floors. About once every month, I'm either waiting for the elevator or in it, and the floor indicator display flashes "14" very quickly no matter what floor the elevator is actually on. Whenever this occurs, it's always 14 that gets shown.
This has made me think about what this bug looks like and if it will ever be fixed. Will they ever update the firmware in the elevators? Is it a software issue? It could also be a hardware problem. Either way, every time it happens I think about it and if this bug will ever be fixed.
I've decided to call it the "phantom floor 14 bug."9
Normal person in an elevator:
- gets in
- pushes the floor number
- patiently waits
- gets out
Programmer in an elevator:
- gets in
- pushes the floor number
- thinks about how elevators are programmed, what the data structures would look like.
- regrets his life decisions 😂
- gets out4
When you are in the elevator with like 20 people and everyone is looking at a white screen with ads and pictures and a blue tab bar in the top.
And i am the only one with the strange looking purple app and only english with no ads.
Time to stop twitter and facebook.8
how to bully interns.
intern: where is the bath room.
me: take the stairs to the first floor, across the street you will see corner bakery there is a bathroom there.
the intern literally followed my instructions. whereas we are in 10th floor and we have an elevator.
I think he is a computer6
getting onto the elevator just behind someone,
like 3 seconds behind him,
he presses his floor and doesn't press the hold doors option, doors close on me , coffee goes all over the place
Fuck that Ballbag, hope he eats sumthing dodgy and he shits himself!!6
I helped a homeless man with a really bad foot condition down the stairs to get to the subway platform along with bringing down his wheelchair. Just his luck that the elevator was out of service. The man cried and said that he wished more people like me existed in the world but the world he knew was long gone from his grasp.
My problem with that situation was that people just ignored him and look disgusted at him....since when did we as humans lose faith in each other to the point that we ultimately care about differences, status, and appearance before anything else?
Such a sad fucking world we live in today and I had just learned that he used to be a programmer and worked at IBM back in the days (he had a really old decrepit badge too and we shared some programming woes before we got on separate trains).
Bless him and fuck everyone else who stood by and watched the poor man suffer. Those people are worse than shit, they are the scum of the Earth in my eyes.4
Good fucking job amazon, who would have thought opening the door to strangers is a great idea, everybody act surprised. Does sound a bit like it might have looked like an appartment building from their report (therefore wandering around), but I really doubt that.
"Guy who found two Amazon deliverymen wandering through his house: 'It's not just happening to me' [...] For Michael Lentini, his delivery last Saturday was a nightmare. According to his version of the story, an Amazon delivery man entered his house without permission — and wandered around the first floor before taking the elevator up to his bedroom."
Coding has changed the way I think. Everywhere I go, I think of algorithms and efficiency.
When I'm in elevator, I think about what algorithm is running in the background.
When I'm at red light, I think about the algorithm that traffic lights are running.
I notice bugs in websites and apps and try to figure out what the dev might have done.
I find problems in UI design and get annoyed.
I spend more time coding a solution to a problem rather than directly solving the problem. I get a kick out of it.
When I see something uses more resources than necessary, it seriously pisses me off.
Coding has taught me to think and has positively changed the way I live.2
I already ranted about the elevator at home being stoooopid for opening doors on way up when you wanna go down..
But our work elevator is awesome!
I figured today that I can play with the authorisation light with the chip for the home elevator.. so from orange to green (work card) to red (home chip) to green to red... OMG!!! Awesome!!
Also the look of horror on coworker's face was priceless (work elevators have a tendency to malfunction as it is, without me playing with them)!!! xD xD xD16
Today, during deployment on server without remote access:
Me (on the phone calling our data centre Admin): "There's a permissions mismatch. The following paths need write access from the following users..."
Admin: "Okay, okay, slow down... I'm still in the elevator." - 10 minutes later - "Okay, ready."
And I gave him the paths and he said: "Try now."
And I tried and it still didn't work. And then we tried all that again. And again. And finally he said:
Admin: "Okay, I give up, I'm going back down to get the screen."12
When meeting other devs, I'm always wondering if they are on devRant too...
Just went to a company to sign a contract for my internship in the summer holidays and there were 3 other people at about my age. 🤔
I thought about opening devRant in the elevator to see their reactions but it was very full and I couldn't do it...
Anyways if anyone reading this, just signed a contract, the ugly guy was me!4
Swear to god, I'm worse than a cat.. my fascination & curiosity will get me killed someday.. o.O
12:19 - Magnitude 6,4 earthquake 3 km from Petrinja, Croatia..
Felt it in Ljubljana..and my stupid ass was fascinated.. :/
Yup, you read it right, not scared or whatever the hell should people feel when earthquake happens..just fascinated..and curios...and in full analysis mode..
Oh tremors?! Yup, something's definitely shaking.. Eartquake? Yup, earthquake! Woow, huge earthquake.. Where is epicenter?! Also long one.. nice, never felt it like this before.. hm.. x, should we go out? How?! I know an elevator is a no go, stairs also do not look promising..better stay in I guess.. hm..still going...feels weird.. Ok, look for shelter I guess.. wow..that's a long one.. ok, doorways should be safe-ish?! Where's x? He went silent..go check up on x.. x is fine, he's not stupid like me, and unlike me also has preservation instinct to not stand under the doorway that has glass components in it.. DumbAss.. Shaking stops... Well that was weird..also I didn't have time to analyze everything..or record it! Stoopid! How did I not think of this before?! Recording would be awesome!! shame..
I know panic doesn't help anyone, but FFS, sometimes I do wish my head would panic at least for a second instead of trying to analyze everything..
I mean, WTF is wrong with me?! Most people would be scared, I just estimated that it's not that dangerous for us and no use/not smart to try to go out of the building so I just took shelter (not a good one, I know now for next time?! o.O what next time?!idiot!!) and started observing.. DumbAss.. :/13
During a heat wave, the basement is the place to be when you don't have air conditionning.
I got to code in a huge basement (formerly a dance room) with lots of couchs, and a nearby Wifi repeater.
And since it's the basement with no elevator, no one disturb me.9
After getting fired last week, I went to the company today to take my papers, then the security guard asked for my government ID and refused to let me go the 5th floor to HR office, apparently because they had a meeting, then they had me waiting 20 minutes in the ground floor at the reception and when I asked if I could go to the bathroom he came in to the elevator with me and waited for me to get out to escort me back, I was so fucking furious by this point I just had it and told him who gave you the orders to take my gov ID and escort me everywhere like I'm a fucking maniac or a thief? Are you afraid of me breaking chairs or destroying offices or you think I'm gonna kill someone?
He then told me sorry sir but it's the orders, then I went to HR office and complained and called for the manager and she just came out with a bunch of BS, uhh I'm so sorry sometimes security can be a bit rude and what not.
SO YOU FUCKING MORONS THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'LL EVER BE COMING TO THIS FUCKING COMPANY AND YOU CAN'T EVEN GIVE ONE GOOD IMPRESSION FOR 30 MINUTES? HOLY SHIT!!!
Never in my life have I seen such incompetence, I just kept getting shocked to the last minute.1
I am soooooooooo fucking stupid!
I was using an np.empty instead of np.zeros to shape the Y tensor...
No fucking wonder the poor thing was keep failing to detect a pattern.
Let's see if it works now... *play elevator music while we wait for keras*6
I was excited to get back to work on a major project today. I was thinking in the shower, on my bike, on the train, on the walk from the train to my office, on the elevator, about how I would approach it and came up with a good plan. Again, I was excited.
Then, on our standup call, a dude says he needs access to the util server I manage, and just happens to not know shit about Linux. So I spend the next hour and a half walking him through simple SSH commands, and completely lose my train of thought for the project I was planning to tackle.
Now, I'm seething on the toilet, hoping to reset.4
So I burst out laughing while I was heading to class in a packed elevator and they started the dramatic reading on the devRant podcast! 😆😆4
That feeling when you think the elevator is out of service because it won't go down
Turn out I was pushing the floor button I was on.
I literally stayed 7 minutes at the same floor before realising.
Sleep deprivation makes me dumb.
How hard is it for people to wait for a couple of seconds to allow the person inside the elevator to exit before they start entering in?
I feel like pushing them outside as soon as they start entering it but then again, i have to act professionally at work even though the other person is a douche.5
Android dev job question:
"Describe the activity lifecycle and write an application that does x,y,z in accordance with it"
Fullstack dev job question:
"Write some code that interacts with our API and does x,y,z, put the data into our database and build a web interface"
Java backend dev interview :
"BUILD AN ELEVATOR ALGORITHM WITH LESS THAN o(nlog(n)), FIND NEIGHBORS IN A BINARY TREE, WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN INTERFACE AND ABSTRACT CLASS?"
Programming has given me an insight into the inner workings of the system that defines every aspect of the modern world. I will never ever be able to look the same way at a game, website, elevator, microwave, the synced traffic lights in a city or really anything that resembles mathematical structure and was built after 1990. Seeing how my friends appreciate all these for their function I often feel like I'm missing out, but I guess they feel the same when the machines don't act as expected.3
Dear human being listening to music in the elevator. I understand that justin bieber song might mean something to you, but please, turn the volume down.
That's not the first thing we want to hear when we come to work.8
Years ago when I was younger than currently I got this first summer job as help in IT departament to answer calls from distressed workers.
Once this lady calls that "her monitor went black" and she cannot work, so I have to get her a replacement. They got only this big heavy CRT monitors as replacements so I had to drag it to 4th floor (no elevator) from basement.
As I reached her it turned out that her monitor is fine, only the wallpaper was changed to black, that what she was meaning :p
Well, at least I got some exercise back then.1
Trying to pay all my bills several months in advance to minimize stress for at least a couple of months and focus on studying, polishing my portfolio, and other hobbies. It's so fucking hot outside, the lines are too long, and the people are.. there. They fall in line and chatter like monkeys possessed by the devil. You'd think the face mask and face shield combination would stop them but no.
Even outside of these transactions, just riding the elevator is annoying, it's the little things like someone standing too close to you when there are literally stickers on the floor on where people should stand to avoid crowding. Pandemic or not, fuck off. Just stay the fuck away from me or anybody. There are five people inside, there's no reason for us to touch. If I wanted your skin on me, I'd wear it.
Now you start gossiping with your BFF and all the juicy details just can't wait until you get off. All that fucking high pitched sound bouncing off the walls of this tiny elevator and hitting the back of my head like a giant gong. There's even a sign at the back of the elevator saying "no talking". When that didn't work, they put the sign in the sides too. Read the fucking clue.
What's the alternative? Pay shit online? Bank websites are often down, generate OTPs a few hours after you need them, or just downright annoying. If your goal is to develop something to add more stress to people, bravo. I guess the only option is to minimize interactions offline or online.6
"yes yes you're a dev, now go install this UniFi AP. I need it ready in the next twenty minutes."
I hope you fart in an elevator, shit yourself, and the elevator gets stuck.5
What are the chances that you get busted by your manager and 3 team leaders you personally know when you are going to a job interview?
We have poor men’s silicon valley near universities. Our company’s one office moves to another university. By the one in a million luck, interview takes at the same building where our next office of my current company will be. Managers and team leaders are there to inspect the new office. I enter the building, see them near elevator. One of them see me, with panic i wave my hand to him. There is a distance of ten meters, I hide behind a column. The team leader who sees me waving thinks I am with them to inspect new office. He asks others why am I not coming with them as I learn later. I can not pretend to play along and catch up with them, due to panic and time of interview is soon already. They get into elevator and finally I dont have to hide anymore 😂.
I got into interview and c++ exam with that physcology. Little did they knew that I just completed CPP PRIMER book. I both rock interview and exam but lets see if they will return with a job offer. What a rollercoaster of emotions.
Note: I am on mobile now so can not give more juicy details for now, fingers are tired.3
Wonder if I’m alone on this:
I have habits.
Always use the same cup, with very same amount of coffee grounds. Same four presses with the same fingers on the coffee machine.
Same way I place the cups in my desk. Same way I carry my notebook, same way I dry my hands. Same exact spot I place my card on the rfid reader. Use same elevator, same locker. God.
You name it, I do it on my own particular way.
Thing is, that I think about it. I do it consciously. I am just happier if things stay the way they are. It not just muscle memory thing.
Not judging here, just wonder if there’s people who can relate as much 🧐8
Never enter an elevator after your PM.
I just did and he asked me to tell a job applicant (i think) who was standing next to him whether it's worth it to work there.
As I am utter shit at small talk, improvising and talking to people in general i looked like an idiot who didn't like the company while trying to get out of that conversation.
This guy just loves putting people in awkward situations.2
Rule #1 about devRant... No names. Never know when they'll sign up, see it, and make the connection. That's gonna make for some awkward elevator silence.2
Good old dear me sitting comfortably and writing some code...
Suddenly, the doorbell rings!!!
"One moment! Coming!", I shout...
I proceed going to the hall, take the keys from the table right next to me and I unlock the door...
I open it and there's only thin air in front me. Downstairs I hear the building door closing and the elevator working its way up, higher than my floor...
I close the door and I go back to my desk, resuming my work and thinking:
"I don't know who are, I don't care who you are, but I will find you and I will make you pay..."
Now my coding train of thought has stopped! Thanks, unknown doorbell ringer!!!
It was around for a while but I didn’t realize it was it for a long time. I was fixing computers for cash and spending in on booze while in primary school. Making websites for cash and for fun while in high school. Some guys wanted to buy my databases at the time and sending me emails that my websites rocks. I didn’t cared cause I party a lot and I didn’t need money.
Sex drugs and rock and roll was my life not a fucking computer.
Since I never had problems with math I passed exams and got myself to university and dropped out cause of those 3 funny things above. Turned out to pass exams after second year when math and physics disappeared you need to study more then 1 day before exam and party was more important for me.
I failed tremendously. My girlfriend left me I was out of money I got back to my hometown with my laptop and I somehow between depression, drugs, alcohol and killing myself reminded I was getting money from websites and I can try to follow that movie.
At that time I didn’t read single book in english in my life. I know some basic english so I decided to try to read some actionscript2 pdf. Why actionscript ? I liked those simple games. Those were fun and there was nothing better. I was reading first book at least 10 times with vocabulary that took about a month until I remembered whole book and second book was faster like 1 week third was 1 day and from then thing moved a little faster. I discovered flex just before adobe acquired macromedia and started writing in it. Started answering to some questions on forum and build some portfolio website with fancy 3d animations and stuff and finally applied for 2 jobs.
They both were amazed by my website and one of them sent me some task to do and I did it overnight and sent them back. They wanted to hire me and I need to respond to them.
Second job they invited me for talking and asking about math, if I’m ok with 3d and stuff and they offered me job closer to my home town so I picked them. The code was amazing, 3d equations, quaternions, complicated stuff bit very well written by some company that dropped project before launch and my first task was add some small feature.
I remember first day in elevator with my former boss who told me to not to get scary and take it slowly I was trying to do my task as fast as I can worried I will be fired if I don’t do it and nobody else will hire me and I won’t manage to recover from second failure. It was even more fighting with myself that I will fail again then with this task lol.
I’ve done the feature third day and when they said it’s cool and I can commit my changes it appeared to me that It might be this shit that will get me out of trouble.
I was never again wrong about programming and so wrong about trouble but that’s a different story...
My office has a "Friday Memes" playlist full of all the songs too embarrassing to play the rest of the week.
Something breathtaking about a smooth transition from Linken Park to Default Elevator Music.3
You're a nice colleague, always helpful, very experienced... But you STINK!
I can't stand less than 1.5m from you. I feel sorry for the poor guy sitting in the desk next to yours, let alone all the people taking the little elevator with you.
How do I tell you to shower more often without offending you?3
I'm working on a bug I can't figure out. I go out for a smoke to clear my mind. Some time passes, I get an idea, finish smoking and I wanna go back up to my desk ASAP.
I have to go up to floor 14. Building has a basic elevator with 2 buttons:
UP arrow - "I wanna go up"
DOWN arrow - "I wanna go down"
User-friendly, intuitive, idiot-proof, you might think. NOPE.
Elevator stops at floor 1 because moron who wants to go down pressed all 2 of the over-intuitive buttons.
Floor 1 moron: "Going up?"
Other people: "Yes"
Floor 1 moron: "Oh"
Me (in my mind): "Oh? BITCH, there's an idicator telling you where it's going. Don't fucking press UP if you're not going up."
Elevator stops at floor 3.
Frustration sets in.
Floor 3 brainlet steps in, doors close.
Floor 3 brainlet takes eyes off phone screen and realises we're going up.
Floor 3 brainlet makes an "oops" kinda noise because "it" obviously wanted to go down.
Floor 3 brainlet stops elevator at floor 5 because "it" doesn't want to go all the way up to floor 14.
Rage sets in.
Me (in my mind): "I hope I get lung cancer so I don't have to deal with this shit anymore"
No more incidents, I calm down. I get to my desk and begin brainstorming about elevator coding. My preferred idea so far:
Elevator is called at floor X but nobody steps in? Elevator doesn't stop at that floor for 2 hours. elevators.size() strikes and the entire floor uses stairs, BITCH.
I spend 1 hour reading rants and writing this. Now I have to get back to my bug. I would appreciate other punishment ideas for elevator misuse.5
I think I got a problem... The standing desk extension I bought is 40kg.... But after carrying it up... Even with a pull cart and elevator... It feels too fcking heavy for my desktop... I have a feeling it's going to crack it in 2....
Any tips/ideas? Feels like I need to put a metal safe under it, in the middle now... To make sure it doesn't collapse too much...30
The only advice I ever got about transitioning from a dev student to actually working in the dev world came when I was on my first semester in an elevator from a random person who already had a job in dev. Not her words, but paraphrased later by someone else:
"The only qualification you really need to make it just fine is the ability to utilise search engines better than the average gorilla"
... and she was right. Also, never before had I noticed, and I was dumbfounded when I did, how bad people actually were at searching for information.2
Not really developer related, but today, my girlfriend was trying to convince me why taking the stairs was better then the elevator. She decided to not mention the health benefits, not talk about safety risks. The argument she chooses is that "stairs have less steps" like what? Out of all the things you could have said, that is literally the worst argument. I can't think of a single statement less true! Like she could have stated pretty much any fact and that would have been a better argument. I don't understand what's going on in her head sometimes.3
At the parking garage downtown.
Reported issues with 4th floor "down" arrow buttons for the elevator a couple of times. Elevator and inside buttons still worked fine.
A couple of weeks later, elevator is turned off.2
Hey guys, I need your honest opinion. What do you think about service provider office location? Situation is that Im looking for an office for me and two employees. Found one good location which is perf in the inside: has a private modern office, meeting rooms, skype rooms, nice kitchen and etc. However its ugly af from the outside: U need to get inside this hospital looking soviet building and take an elevator to the 8th floor to see all the modern stuff. While price seems a bargain, Im kinda afraid of how we could come across potential clients who would visit us for a meeting. As a potential client how would you judge service provider (in this case android dev company) which has nice offices in the inside but ugly af building from the outside?4
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