I played skyrim, and i thought yes.. i want to make that...

and now i am a very successful CTO and cofounder of a video game startup thats blooming and already made 7 figure profits

no, no im not, i ended up making websites for very little money...

Confluence is good they said
Confluence is awesome they said
Confluence is cloud based and fucking great...

Confluence is starting to lag like it's the 1990's and my keyboard strokes are taking seconds, literal seconds to catch up..

KEYBOARD LAG!! in 2020!!! fuck this JS bullshit.

okay, I promise.

My girlfriend knows what a coder needs when it’s their birthday. Lucky to have her. Walked into my room and it was set up like this.

Imma be real with u chief, one more compilation error and im rewriting gcc

Client: “Hey this thing isn’t working correctly.”
Me: “Hmm, looks like there was a bug in the last update. The team and I are going to work on a fix. In the meantime here’s a tool to help you get what you need.”
Client:”Yay!”

*A little while later*
Same Client:”Hey this thing isn’t working.”
Me:”Hey, yeah, it’s the same thing. That bug I told you about? Yeah, we’re still working on it. We’ll let you know when it’s finished I promise but we’re trying to fix it without introducing more bugs.”
Client:”Ok sounds good.”

*A little while later*
Same Client:”Hey this thing isn’t working.”
Me:”Bro...we just went over this...”

*A little while later*
Same Client:”Hey seems like there’s a bug in our system that was found by -insert random coworker’s name here-. Are we looking into to this?”
Me:”Wtf dude.”

*A little while later*
Same Client:”Hey this thing isn’t working.”
Me: -smashes my face against keyboard-

Why THE FUCK would anyone make a totally free (in the sense of price; gratuit) software project, and then not make it open-source?

What is the benefit of stifling the development of your own project when you have no monetary gain from doing so?

Got call from extremely angry customer, our product is shit and doesn't work. At all. Important customer so I went to visit.

He had the perfect setup, our product to the left, our competitor's to the right.

He connected the Ethernet cable to their product, it worked. He plugged it out and connected to ours... Nothing. Shit.

I started to debug on the premises, took logs, everything. It seemed like our product didn't receive any data at all. What the fuck? Tried everything, debugged low level, still nothing. Sweating as hell.

After two hours I got a strange feeling. So I swapped place, our product to the right, competitor's to the left. Now OUR product worked, competitor's zilch.

THE FUCKING ETHERNET CABLE HAD A GLITCH. IF YOU BENT IT TO THE RIGHT IT WORKED, IF YOU BENT IT TO THE LEFT IT WAS BROKEN.

I had never seen a customer be this embarrassed in my life. He apologized to me, my boss, his boss, the Queen, everyone.

We got the contract.

When you try to tell your fellow devs to start using Git 😶

Since git, sometimes I drink and code until I pass out

Today I woke up with good working code that I don’t even remember writing

What if Doctors are treated as developers?

Oh no!

When you spend too much time in your car

As a programmer, I'm outraged.

"The website must be fully compatible with Internet Explorer"
Yeah well that's too fucking bad

—_(*_*)_—

Loser.

Alas... Bitcoin...

pshht 🤫😄

I just bloody fucking hate js.

I'm the git master in my group for a uni project as I am the only one with some experience.
This is what I have to deal with

This is what happens when I'm asked to document something.

Me: I mend shoes

Shit happens... but never let your shit go to far... specially while in production or drunk.

My classroom had this, nice inspiration
Bad UX

Only pure evil can design a PC case that has reset button same size and shape like USB port and place it next to USB ports.

When your boss learns how to use StackOverflow

I see this message after 75 days without closing devRant.

No doubt 😂

Every js dev I know