This is how you'd imagine a sysadmin.

(Stolen from Reddit)

Every js dev I know

Wait... Why didn't anyone thought about that?

Manager: When will you have finished this task?
Me: In about one hour
*One hour later*
Manager: You done yet?
Me: Give me another week

Image stolen from Reddit

Error! Factory produced more than one instance of Singleton!

Me: *desperately trying to finish a webpage before 5pm deadline*
Girlfriend: Why are you always so focused on your computer? You never pay attention to me.
Me: You know I have to work. Besides, you'll always be number 1 in my heart
Girlfriend: Aww that was cute. Okay I'll let you finish working
Me to me: ...arrays start at 0. *continues typing*

Disclaimer: this was stolen from /r/programmerhumor and I have no girlfriend

Deep Learning enthusiasts.

When you read others source code...

The samurai were more advanced than I thought...

(stolen from Reddit)

Who’s in charge of youtube verification?

Stolen from twitter

Life hack

Stolen but...

This was my first freelancer project. Just dropped out of school, i think i was 17. No money, no proper hardware, i had a very old laptop & stolen wifi from our neighbor. I lived in a very small room at my mom’s flat, she wanted me out as soon as i turn 18. At the time my plan was to work on freelancer stuff and make my own games. “It will be fine, fuck school, who needs school? 😂“ I haven’t really finished anything back then, so i only had a few wip hobby projects to show ppl as my references. I saw a freelancer job posting. The task was to make a simple quiz game for mobile, it paid 350$. Back then that was a lot of money for me so i took it. I met the client, he said “2-3 week tops, i send you everything, you do the code” Cool. I finally had a “job”😃. The 2-3 weeks turned into a 8 month blur of all-nighting and just implement one more thing and its finished. I did not really have any experience on how to deal with clients and i really needed this project to finally have something on my porfolio. I motivated myself with “if i can finish this i can finish anything”. I think the story of my most definitive all-nighting was 3 months into the development. I finally got everything from the client so it was like just put it together and its done. The client wanted 300 levels, beeing a noob i was i started making all the 300 unity scenes by hand, aligning the pictures, the ui, testing each level, making adjustments to the code, etc.. after a really long night and a fuckton of caffeine i was done. I sent it to the client at around 9 am and gone to sleep. When i woke up i checked my emails to saw this: Cool! But can we do hints? (wich needed a fuckton of rework of my code) I think i had my first mental breakdown while working on the project. After that he wanted more modifications and because i made every level by hand i had to remake all of them like 10 times 😂
But in the end it turned out positive, he really helped me to start my carrier, we became sord of friends and the project gave me a lot of confidence and experience on how to deal with stuff when shit goes wrong because everything that can go wrong in a project gone wrong. It was the most valuable developer lesson. Plus it sounds so cool to say “i was born in development hell, b*tch!”🕶
I attached a pic of the laptop i worked on 😂
Thanks for reading 😃

Shit... I just got my phone stolen. Realized it 40 seconds post factum [left it at the shop counter and someone took it].
20 minutes later called the police [cuz I had to get home and use wife's phone].
5 min later poluce arrived
10 min later they got all they could from shop's security officer.
Police officer asks me to login my samsung acc on his phone. 2 minutes later we are on the way to the exact location my phone is at.
15 minutes later officer hands me my samsung 😁

got my phone back in less than an hour after theft.

maybe... Ummm... Maybe all this tracking thing is not that bad...?

Stolen from an awesome book but my new favourite line ;)

Someone: “Can you repair my computer， it`s not working anymore?”

Me: “Do you call Leonardo Dicaprio when your Tv is broken?”

My laptop got stolen the other day. The thing I miss the most? My 40+ open tabs!

** Non Dev Rant **

I just need to rant about this because I'm furious.

Last night I had a house warming party. It was mostly, if not all, of my girlfriend's friends. I'm a cranky old developer so I don't have friends.

Everyone was nice and dressed nice and brought us gifts.. all of the gifts were pretty much specifically for my girlfriend.

So this one girl came... she's younger.. around 25. She came with no gift (I wasn't expecting gifts I just need to mention it for the plot), and was dressed in sweat pants. Alright, no problem.. I really don't care at least she's here.

So as more guests arrive I finally get a gift. Someone brought me a case of beer and a couple of yummy cookies. I had to put it down on the kitchen counter for a bit because I needed to grab more chairs.

The basement door where the chairs are is 10 feet away from where I left my present..

I come back from upstairs.. not even 5 minutes later and I see sweat pant girl stuffing one cookie in her fucking mouth and the other in her pants...

Are you fucking kidding me!? I bought desserts and snacks and all the alcohol you can think of and you steal MY fucking present. Not just one of them... but BOTH.

She saw the other guests give me it.. say "here buddy this is for you"... followed me in the kitchen and STOLE my fucking cookies.

I was going to eat them this morning with my coffee and I realized I couldn't because this fucking ass hole took my fucking cookies!!!!

I hosted this party for my girlfriend's SJW ass hole fucked up friends... put a smile on my face... pretended to like people... and for once didn't yell at someone... and the fucking thanks I get is 2 stolen fucking cookies.

Fuck her.

Stolen from Reddit

When you look at code you just wrote

Fixing family / friends technical problems, episode 2.

Problem: "I lost my iPhone, I know there's a thing that lets you find it. Can you help?"

Debugging:

Me: sure, it's called "find my iPhone"

Friend: ah yes that's it. How do I use it?

Me: I'll show you, just login here and ... oh you didn't set it up?

Friend: Probably not, I don't know much about this computer stuff.

Me: ... when you setup your phone for the first time, it's a full screen thing that says "do you want us to locate your phone if it's lost. Yes / No". It's hardly writing an encryption algorithm now is it?

Friend: no it's not, but still I just didn't know. I probably clicked no for everything.

Me: ... says here you clicked yes for iCould ... and yes for photo sync ... so you read the one about your pictures but not about lost or stolen property ... nice.

Friend: ... so you can't find it then.

Me: No, natural selection took it away from you.

Friend: oh **** off.

Stolen from a telegram channel

Does it work for 32bit? Stolen from Reddit

stolen from internet of 2005
coffee machine

Aw hecks yeah!

Client's logic (stolen from the Facebook page "I love programming")

So, my boyfriend's phone was stolen and my Google Drive account was synced on that phone. Also noticed that someone attempted to change my Gmail account. That dimwit does not know to whom he's messing with. Huh! I'm going to hunt that son of a gun and will make his life be tormented in hell! Muhuhuhahahahaha!

// sorry, again a story not a rant
Category->type = 'Story';
Category->save();

Today at work I got a strange email

'about your msi laptop'

(Some background information, a few months ago I went on vacation and left my work laptop at home. Long story short some one broke in and stole my msi laptop)

So this email had my interest. I opened it and the content was something like:

Hi! My name is x, I clean/repair laptops partime and I noticed your personal information on this laptop, normally people whipe their data from their laptop before selling so this is just a double check, if the laptop was stolen please call me on xxx

If I hear nothing I'll assume its alright and will whipe your data

So of course I immediately called him, after a conversation I informed the police who is now working on the case

Shamelessly stolen from reddit

What a true story...

I actually just wanted to say - what a great time it is to be a developer.

C# has stolen so many good features now that it's pretty awesome.
JavaScript and typescript are really fun to work with.
I really love angular.
Docker is great!

I can setup pipelines and deploy an angular app for free and really easily with github-pages.

I can use linux inside windows.

I can use cloud providers to do all sorts for really cheap.

I can plug my cable-free oculus quest VR headset into my laptop and build a game pretty easily with unity (thanks to all the great oculus helper prefabs).

I can use tesseract and data science technology inside my browser!!

And I can go to medium and udemy and learn all sorts of things.

Honestly...

Just saying.
I'm actually really loving being a developer right now.

And if I do have off day, I can rant on here!

Stolen from Reddit

Stolen. This is how I felt on Friday when we were discussing fronted frameworks in office

Shamelessly stolen meme from the internet

Stolen from ig

Been feeling like a caveman after moving from Java to Ruby. Reminded me of this.

I was registering for a website, and on a whim, I used this as my username:
null'); PRINT('Hello');--

And sure enough, the login system went down. The next day it was still down, so I went to Twitter to tell the people running the site that this was why, but to my surprise, I see them saying they had been hacked.
Based on the timing, I'm pretty sure they're referring to this, but they are saying user info was stolen. *facepalm*
They later said they stored passwords salted with a fixed salt and hashed with fucking md5, at which point I was glad not to have done any more business with them.

How incompetent can these fucking people be?!

// Stolen from twitter

This may be very stupid but god damn that's commitment!

I fucked up again.

Someone needed a flashdrive for a presentation. Forgot that I keep personal code on on of them for backups (it's always nice when there is no reception to have an offline copy of my code, for instance when we go out into the bush or to remote areas).

I gave them my flashdrive. Forgot it had the code on.

Now someone at head office has taken my program, claimed it as their own - and has just earned themselves a decent amount of money (praised in the monthly company newsletter).

My program has been stolen (by my own stupidity) and butchered. It has been made into something that it was never intended to be.

Fuck that guy.

Hmmmm, wonder who this reminds me of...

(Stolen from Twitter)

*signs up for Skillshare*
> Sorry, your password is longer than our database's glory hole can handle.
> Please shorten your password cumload to only 64 characters at most, otherwise our database will be unhappy.

Motherf-...

Well, I've got a separate email address from my domain and a unique password for them. So shortening it and risking getting that account stolen by plaintext shit won't really matter, especially since I'm not adding payment details or anything.

*continues through the sign-up process for premium courses, with "no attachments, cancel anytime"*
> You need to provide a credit card to continue with our "free" premium trial.

Yeah fuck you too. I don't even have a credit card. It's quite uncommon in Europe, you know? We don't have magstripe shit that can go below 0 on ya.. well the former we still do but only for compatibility reasons. We mainly use chip technology (which leverages asymmetric cryptography, awesome!) that usually can't go much below 0 here nowadays. Debit cards, not credit cards.

Well, guess it's time to delete that account as well. So much for acquiring fucking knowledge from "experts". Guess I'll have to stick to reading wikis and doing my ducking-fu to select reliable sources, test them and acquire skills of my own. That's how I've done it for years, and that's how it's been working pretty fucking well for me. Unlike this deceptive security clusterfuck!

Stolen from reddit for juicy ++ votes.

stolen from somewhere...

his mom taught him manners
when you steal a laptop that's what you do

Stolen for devRant karma

Stolen from a fb page.

Found it on Facebook.
What kind of person you are?

- devRant TOR rant! -

There is a recent post that just basically says 'fuck TOR' and it catches unfortunate amount of attention in the wrong way and many people seem to aggree with that, so it's about time I rant about a rant!

First of all, TOR never promised encryption. It's just used as an anonymizer tool which will get your request through its nodes and to the original destination it's supposed to arrive at.

Let's assume you're logging in over an unencrypted connection over TOR and your login information was stolen because of a bad exit node. Is your privacy now under threat? Even then, no! Unless of course you had decided to use your personal information for that login data!

And what does that even have to do with the US government having funded this project even if it's 100%? Are we all conspiracy theorists now?

Let's please stop the spread of bs and fear mongering so that we can talk about actual threats and attack vectors on the TOR network. Because we really don't have any other reliable means to stop a widely implemented censorship.

I giggled...
Stolen from reddit

Hey, pssst... do you want a stolen pigeon-packet?

My first internship was unpaid. "For the experience" and shit. My first task was to clear out an entire office full to the literal ceiling with the phones of people who had been laid off or quit. There were now just three old guys in the entire office. And me. Go figure. I need to find that picture, it's truly unbelievable.
My next task was to sort cables in the store room. Mind you, this was supposed to be a software dev internship.

I consistently had to ASK for work to do. If I didn't, I would just sit in my new office all day doing homework and playing with linux liveCDs and nobody cared.

So the third task they gave me was to try to restore a very old (like XP old) computer that had a broken hard drive, literally broken. Said they wanted to "repurpose it." As busy work I guess.

So I scrounged around the cleptomaniacal cesspool of dated and neglected tech and found a hard drive. Pop it in, chkdsk, fdisk, good to go. Spend hours installing XP while sorting more random cables and doing my homework because honestly writing a history paper is more valuable to my dev career than this complete bullshit. Finally get the thing working and go to report the miracle of rebirth to my higher-up. He says "oh cool," doesn't smile, and hands me a list of software to install.

I come back 20 minutes later - "Hey, most of these require corporate licenses."

Guy says "yup" and goes back to ignoring me. Never gives me a company card to buy licenses, or a list of ones already bought. I've revived the computer equivalent of Moses from the computer equivalent of permadeath just for this asshole to completely disregard that and give me an(other) impossible task, just to get me off his back. Excuse me for imposing with free (then-child) labor, you ass.
I spend maybe another week there doing homework in the office I cleaned and contemplating stealing everything of value. I guarantee they wouldn't have noticed though, which somehow made the idea less appealing.

I quit by texting my boss.

He never replied.

I wish I had stolen their laptop RAM.
It's probably still sitting on boss's shelf collecting dust and being a miserable, outdated fucking waste of space, just like him and his two remaining coworkers.

**insert caption here**

Stolen

Warning: contains swearwords!

Do you guy's also have coder-"friend" that:
- Always asks how to do things
- ask for code snippets
- steals your fucking code from Anydesk
- steals your passwords while testing
- steals your code from deobfuscated jar
- steals your jar and deobfuscate it
- steals your database to store stolen passphrases
- tries to convince you to build RATs for your users
- tries to convince you to build RATs for his users
- and so on...

??FOR FUCKING REAL THIS ISN'T EVEN ALL THAT HAPPENED TO ME!

HE IS A FUCKING SUCKER CUNT! HE PROMISED ME MULTIPLE TIMES THAT HE DELETED MY PROJECTS AND TELLS ME HE IS STILL USING THEM TO RESEARCH MY CODE FOR HIS CODE!!!

HE FUCKING RECORDED ME WHILE CODING WITH AN API I AM NOT USED TO WHILE I ASK HIM FREQUENTLY BECAUSE I HAVE NO CLUE AND HE THEN SENDS IT TO HIS FRIENDS TO PISS ME OF AND LAUGH ABOUT ME!!

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE WHY THE FUCK ARE ASSHOLES LIKE HIM NOT IN FUCKING PSYCHIATRY!

AND I CAN'T GET RID OF HIM BECAUSE I AM TOO FUCKING NICE!!

FOR GODS SAKE PLS LET A LIGHTNING STRIKE HIT HIM IN HIS FUCKING FACE!

AT FUCKING LEAST I GOT SENT AN IMAGE OF HIS ADDRESS SO I WILL SHIT IN A FUCKING BOX AND SEND IT TO THAT CUNT!

Stolen from r/datascience

If a colleague went to a conference and checked their laptop with their luggage, you would think it would get stolen. Nope, it came back like this. It worked out really well for them, they got a new laptop and we all got a good laugh out of it.

So some guy decided to steal my laptop. I don't know if they thought my machine wasn't happy with me or what but whoever did that, all I can say is your time is coming motherfucker.

I will always miss you 😭😭

If you're a security guard at the Samsung store, does that man you're a guardian of the galaxy?🤔

Dear recruiters,
if you are looking for

- Java,Python, PHP
- React,Angular
- PostgreSQL, Redis, MongoDB
- AWS, S3, EC2, ECS, EKS
- *nix system administration
- Git and CI with TDD
- Docker, Kubernetes

That's not a Full Stack Developer
That’s an entire IT department

Yours truly #stolen

Little Jakob finds out you can open a js in (mobile) text editor.
Little Jakob finds an nether mod for early Minecraft PE editions (0.7 @ that time or so).

Little Jakob changes some number and vars and creates an Aether mod. (works the same like nether but other blocks&tools).

Little Jakob publishes it with screenshots in a video, gets 30.000+ views on youtube, mod reviews etc. There hasn't been an Aether mod before.

Little jakob feels badass.

2 years later I revited the video - and found out that the mod was licensed and I did something "illegal".

Seeked the internet and apologized to the original author (who was aware of this copy mod) - felt bad, he forgave me.

Q: What language is most used in programming?

A: Profanity.

Stolen from Programmer Humor

Not only new coders, but everyone!

My start at one of the Big Four (accounting firms).

The first two days of each month they organise "onboarding days" for the new starters of that month. (I so hate upper management buzzwords!) They sent me a formal invitation that looked like I was being invited to a ball with the royals, and they included the following super-smarty-pants line: "Dress code: would you wear jeans and t-shirt when you meet a client?"

And I thought: "I'm an effing hardware and software engineer for internal services. I will never meet a client." But I dressed formally nonetheless, and I went to the onboarding, and I hated every second I spent in those effing high heels, and don't get me started on how I managed to get a run on my stockings in the first hour.

The first day of the onboarding we sat through eight hours of general talks from senior employees who wanted to explain the "culture" and "values" of our company, but the worst of all was the three-hour introduction to IT services where they "helped us set up our new laptops" and taught us how to send e-mails and how to use the Company Portal.

On the second day, they divided us into groups depending on our speciality (assurance, taxes, legal, etc) and exposed us to further 8 hours of boredom related to our speciality. However, since the "digital services" thing was still new to them, we didn't have a category of our own, and we had to attend the introduction to one of the other categories, and I didn't understand one word of what was being said.

On the third day I finally went to my office and they provided me with a second laptop. It turns out that we engineers got different laptops and were allowed to manage it ourselves instead of letting central IT manage it for us. So I simply returned the laptop they had given me the first day and started working. However, for some reason, the laptop I returned was not registered, and two weeks later they started pestering me with emails asking where was the laptop "I had stolen". It took me 3 weeks of emails and calls to make them understand that I had returned the laptop immediately.

Also, on the two onboarding days we had to sign attendance, and since I forgot to sign the paper list on the second day, they invited me to the event the next month again. I explained to them that I had already attended the onboarding and didn't go, so they invited me again on the third month, and they threatened me with "disciplinary action" if I didn't go. After a week of lost time writing emails and calling people, I ended up going to the onboarding again just to sign the effing list.

In the end, I resigned during the probation time. That company was the worst experience of my life. It was an example of corporate culture so absurdly exaggerated that it sometimes reminded me of Kafka's Trial. I think they have more "HR representatives" than people who do actual work.

Accurate

Best: got my first client during my birthday

Worst: my laptop was stolen 😭

Stolen from reddit, but definitely deserved a share.

This is not facebook, but somehow yhis site has attracted who are virtually, mentally incapable of differentiating between their script kiddy hacker facebook group and anything that can be called a social media platform.

Sorting by recent and daring to toggle on jokes/memes is a pure shitshow of freshly created accounts who post "memes" of the same purity as their mother. And to finish it off they add that super relatable comment "hahah", "funny" and a couple of emojis. Totally makes me wonder if I end up being called comedy god for posting "peepee poopoo" on the site they "shared" it from.
Yes, shared and not stolen for the sake of that little dopamine rush when they see that 4 other people who try to escape their shitty form of reality thought you deserve to be proud for those couple of finger movements you used to put this on devrant and not to jack off.

Not even that spares you from their awful humor, because thanks to their disability to red, they think they can just smash that big red button and post their garbage in the wrong category, yet somehow they have the obligation to add an absurd amount of tags telling you that they've tried to post a joke and I honestly feel sorry for the database table who has to store so variations of "jokes/meme" for this shit.

Thr quality of these memes degrades with each time I open devrant, just like my patience for these shitposters.

I've seen a couple of people who cancled their monthly subscription for devrant, to show their discontent with these user and my urge to do the same has gotten stronger recently.

DevRant as it is right now is on it best way to stray away further from what it meant to be every day

Someone learned how to replace the color blue

Leave work with two working monitors at my desk, come back the next day to one monitor and a missing HDMI cable. Find out marketing took it for a presentation, don't get it back for three weeks. Finally get it back for a day, become super happy to finally have both monitors again. Come back the next day and PM has stolen my HDMI again, no extra HDMI cables in entire office. Apparently HDMI cables are valued like gold around these parts.

GAHHHHHHHHHH! Damn USPS!!! Privatize them already! Stolen is more like it. It was a Gigabyte Aorus X470 Mobo, an AMD Ryzen 5 2600X CPU, and 16GB of memory. The postal service is a bloated, unresponsive, government run trainwreck. If people would just stop using them, they would shrivel up and blow away. ARRGH!!! 🔥☠️🔥☠️🔥

The one and only since Jan 1s... I mean 0000000000

guy: why do you use a vpn?
me: cause I don't want my info stolen
guy: nobody can steal info from wifi that's just in the movies.
me: ...

was on wifi in a Starbucks close to Atlanta

<rant about devRant>
Can people please stop posting images stolen from someone else trying to get some points. I'm here to read rants and other interesting things you encounter while working with software development, not look at memes. Thank you.
</rant about devRant>

Gets run over by truck. Laptop in peaces. Insurrance needed to be sure it was actually broken. Sends laptop to a repair center. They tell me its broken. Repair center asks if I want my laptop back. I said: yes pls. Get laptop back. RAM stolen SSD stolen. Reee! They forgot to send it back..... I mean, you did not have to take out those parts to see it i broken.

I hate this country!
This was the third time this month that the power cables got stolen. Looks like it is going to be takeouts and project planning on paper tonight.

I've decided that my 2019 will start from February 1st. January is a free trial month.

Best part about the covid19 manufactured crisis?
Liquor stores deliver. Worst part about liquor stores delivering? Needing to use their shoddy websites.

I've been using a particular store (Total Wines) since they're cheaper than the rest and have better selection; it's quite literally a large warehouse made to look like a store.

Their website tries really hard to look professional, too, but it's just not. It took me two days to order, and not just from lack of time -- though from working 14 hour days, that's a factor.

Signing up was difficult. Your username is an email address, but you can't use comments because the server 500s, making the ajax call produce a wonderfully ambiguous error message. It also fades the page out like it's waiting on something, but that fade is on top of the error modal too. Similar error with the password field, though I don't remember how I triggered it.

Signing up also requires agreeing to subscribe to their newsletter. it's technically an opt-in, but not opting-in doesn't allow you to proceed. Same with opting-in to receiving a text notification when your order is ready for pickup -- you also opt-in to reciving SMS spam.

Another issue: After signing up, you start to navigate through the paginated product list. Every page change scrolls you to the exact middle of the next page. Not deliberatly; the UI loads first, and the browser gets as close as it can to your previous position -- which was below that as the pagination is at the bottom -- and then the products populate after. But regardless of why, there is no worse place to start because now you must scroll in both directions to view the products. If it stayed at the very bottom, it would at least mean you only need to scroll upwards to look at everything on the page. Minor, but increasingly irritating.

Also, they have like 198 pages of spirits alone because each size is unique entry. A 50ml, 350ml, 500ml, 750ml, 1000ml, and 1750ml bottle of e.g. Tito's vodka isn't one product, it's six. and they're sorted seemingly randomly. I think it's by available stock, looking back.

If you fancy a product, you can click on it for a detail page. Said detail page lists the various sizes in a dropdown, but they're not sorted correctly either, and changing sizes triggers a page reload, which leads to another problem:

if you navigate to more than a few pages within a 10 or so second window, the site accuses you of using browser automation. No captcha here, just a "click me for five seconds" button. However, it (usually) also triggers the check on every other tab you have open after its next nagivation.

That product page also randomly doesn't work. I haven't narrowed it down, but it will randomly decide to start failing, and won't stop failing for hours. It renders the page just fine, then immediately replaces it with a blank page. When it's failing, the only way to interact with the page is a perfectly-timed [esc], which can (and usually does) break all other page functionality, too. Absolutely great when you need to re-add everything from a stale copy of your signed-out cart living in another tab. More on that later. And don't forget to slow down to bypass the "browser automation" check, too!

Oh, and if you're using container tabs, make sure to open new tabs in the SAME container, as any request from the same IP without the login cookie will usually trigger that "browser automation" response, too.

The site also randomly signs you out, but allows you to continue amassing your cart. You'd think this is a good thing until you choose to sign in again... which empties your cart. It's like they don't want to make a sale at all.

The site also randomly forgets your name, replacing it with "null." My screen currently says "Hello, null". Hello, cruft!

It took me two days to order.
Mostly from lack of time, as i've been pulling 14 hour shifts lately trying to get everything done. but the sheer number of bugs certainly wasted most of what little time i had left. Now I definitely need a drink.

But maybe putting up with all of this is worthwhile because of their loyalty program? Apparently if you spend $500, you can take $5 off your next purchase! Yay! 1%! And your points expire! There are three levels; maybe it gets better. Level zero is for everyone; $0 requirement. There are also levels at $500 and $2500. That last one is seriously 5x more than the first paid level. and what does it earn you? A 'free' magazine subscription, 'free' classes (they're usually like $20-$50 iirc), and a 'free' grab bag (a $2.99 value!) twice per month. All for spending $2500. What a steal. It reminds me of Candy Crush's 3-star system where the first two stars are trivial, and the third is usually a difficult stretch goal. But here it's just thinly-veiled manipulation with no benefit.

I can tell they're employing some "smarketing" people with big ideas (read: stolen mistakes), but it's just such a fail.

The whole thing is a fail.

So after my phone got stolen I am now using a series30 Nokia device, problem was synching contacts dumped from Google contacts. Run a Python script that modified the vcf into a format compatible with the series 30, never felt more of a hacker man than this

!myContent

Saw this posted on one of my slack channels and made me laugh.

Call me old-fashioned, but... I kinda liked it back in the day, when Microsoft made proprietary software, the Community made free software and everyone's "cui bono" was quite easy to answer - even those corporations involved in FLOSS did have a clear way to finance themselves.

Now, we have Microsoft coming into open source, seemingly making projects better and offering more and more "free" stuff.

You know.

"Free" Windows 10.
"Free" SaaS Office.
"Free" "Private" Repos on Github.

In general - what happened to clear and concise "I give you money, you give me stuff" capitalism like we had it in the 2000s?

I'd rather pay 20 bucks for a game on Steam than get it "free" and with ads or microtransactions - yet, many games, especially mobile, don't even offer me that option. It wouldn't be that hard now, would it?

The same goes for software. That Canonical would need to fuck their users over after Ubuntu One went to shit was obvious - they didn't offer the kind of commercial/enterprise OS'es that Redhat or SuSE sell.

What people seem to forget is that everyone needs to make a profit somehow. You don't get "free" stuff. Even the volunteers in the Open Source Community get something out of it - an opportunity to pad their CV at least, if nothing else.

Nowadays, software manufacturers have the same legitimacy as the "free" financial "advisors" you find at banks - and who could be dumb enough to trust them? Oh yeah: Almost the entire fucking society is who.

But then again, sell something and noone will want it - because they all want it for free, with annoying, privacy-invading ads or with equally annoying microtransactions, or financing based on commission - so you don't only pay ONCE, you pay until you realize you got fucked over and quit.

Capitalism used to work until all those idiots stepped in. How the fuck don't people realize that there's no free lunch in life? When have we stopped being functional people and turned into idiots.

Even worse: Those idiots think that they're entitled to something! They, who volunteered to become merchandise instead of customers, think that they have rights! Do cattle have rights? Nope. They get their "free" hay everyday and I get to buy beef, that's how it works. Moo!

Hell, they are surprised when they get fucked over by bank salespeople or their data stolen by corporations, intelligence agencies or something... What did they expect, goodwill?

Can we please make Adam Smith mandatory reading in school?! I mean, give people a chance to understand capitalism? The nonexistent "goodwill" of traders in general?

Remember that fine girl that used to bedwet & was dirty in high school.

Then you met her recently, all looking hot & steamy.

That's PHP!
Stolen from the @unicodedeveloper om twitter

.. for the first time I permanently lost access to one of my GPG keys that were actually in use. No revocation certificates, nothing in the keychains on any of my hosts... Keychain flash drive that got stolen had a copy of both, my fileserver used to have a copy of that flash drive until I deleted it to make room for a filesystem migration, and my laptop used to have one.. until I decommisioned it and shredded its hard drive to be deployed somewhere else...

fuck

I can't sign my git commits anymore, and I can't revoke the key either.

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

Shamelessly Stolen..

> be me
> spend 0.02 Ether (about €5) on one of those old-school MUD-style games
> send to the same Ethereum wallet from a previous purchase
> realize that the destination wallet changes for each purchase (probably to mitigate the fact that transaction history and contents in Ethereum wallets is entirely public)

> send an email to the game dev asking to return the transaction or pass it on to my player account
> *cricket noises*

About a week later, i.e. now:
*checks that Ethereum account that I accidentally sent that transaction to*
> $0 on it, transaction has been withdrawn

Now I couldn't care less about the €5 - it's only 2 beers worth - but what I do care about is honesty. Dear Chat Wars admin, that money wasn't yours. Also, I am one of those players that plays very few games but tends to commit to those I do play. The last one I played, I spent several hundreds of euros on over the couple of years I played it. I could've probably paid for your servers, spare time development and then some. But obviously not anymore. Choosing a quick grab of €5 over a relatively steady source of income from someone that tends to financially support what he likes... Re-evaluate your life choices.

Just like that incident with the stolen flash drive that was worth only €10... I couldn't care less about the raw value of them, but I do feel very disappointed in humanity when people go for a quick grab of such worthless things.

Who else can relate 😂 😂 😂

All the time ,😂

How do you know whether a person is a Vim user? Don't worry, they'll tell you.

First company I worked for, built around 40 websites with Drupal 7...in only a year (don't know if it's a lot for today's standards, but I was one guy doing everything). Of course I didn't have the time to keep updating everything and I continually insisted to the boss that we need more people if we are going to expand. Of course he kept telling me to keep working harder and that I "got this". Well, after a year a couple of websites got defaced, you know the usual stuff if you've been around for some time. Felt pretty bad at the time, it was a similar feeling to having your car stolen or something.

Anyways, fast forward about 2 years, started working on another company, and well...this one was on another level. They had a total of around 40 websites, with about 10 of them being Joomla 1.5 installations (Dear Lord have mercy on my soul(the security vulnerabilities from these websites only, were greater than Spiderman's responsibilities)) and the others where WordPress websites, all that ON A SINGLE VPS, I mean, come on... Websites being defaced on the daily, pharma-hacks everywhere, server exploding from malware queing about 90k of spam emails on the outbox, server downtime for maintenance happening almost weekly, hosting company mailing me on the daily about the next malware detection adventure etc. Other than that, the guy that I was replacing, was not giving a single fuck. He was like, "dude it's all good here, everything works just fine and all you have to do is keep the clients happy and shit". Sometimes, I hate myself for being too caring and responsible back then.

I'm still having nightmares of that place. Both that office and that VPS.

The sell: “become a designer, change the world”

The reality: “become a designer, create Jira tickets for devs to fix stuff you’ve noticed”

not really a rant, but but i am intrigued...

got an email that my rockstar account (gta) email was changed.

changed the email and password and noticed that all the details were changed (nickname, date of birth etc) and the guy even posted on support asking to remove steam link (probably could not login). But rockstar requires a screenshot of user logged in to steam (as if that is hard to fabricate...), so he gave up :D

i'm not even mad, i'm wondering what's the guy's story. Probly bought a stolen account for cheap, hoping to play :(

Maybe i should just let him play the game, since i'm not...

This rant goes to my best friend.

Fuck you!

You do not fucking argue with people for doing what they like! So what if I want to use linux? What fucking problem does that make? Am I now a hacker fanboy for wanting to use a terminal instead of fucking pointing and clicking on shit like a monkey? Am I not allowed to want my privacy and free open-source? What? I shouldn't browse internet without getting my personal info stolen? Oh, they're tracking criminals? Then why don't you install a camera in your fucking living room so you can help them out? And don't fucking get me started on why I don't want to use Windows 10.

Fuck fucking fuck fuck. I know he's a good friend but this fucking shit gets my blood boiling.

So my boss is staring a new security oriented product and he asked one of my colleagues to prepare a presentation about the possible attacks on the product.

During the presentation there was a section on DoS attacks. The boss didn't know what DoS was and after a brief explanation, he interrupted the presentation and said DDoS is not a threat because there is no data stolen. This is a webapp.

When you do recursion for the first time

My previous manager: "Your code should hard to read, so our work is cant stolen by everyone".
Me: "Why?"
My previous manager: "Just do it"
Me: "Okay"

So, anyone can answer my 'Why?' question?

P.S: My previous Manager is PHP Programmer

Me : Posts a original developer joke after thinking for 15 long minutes.

Gets 20 ++'s.

Me : Posts random computer science joke stolen from Facebook that everyone would have already seen.

Gets 200++'s.

Fuck this shit.

The documentation gave up on php 😂

Note: Stolen from codechef facebook page

gosh golly I have the perfect emote for everyone in devRant

Stolen from reddit

Earlier i ranted about how someone hacked our site and he had our source code.
Now finally we found how was our site code stolen, thanks to @dfox he mentioned how can we pull code from got server at that time I checked trying commamds to dowload git folder but it was secure but later we found that we had another subdomain running for pur project and its git folder was not secured

So, my laptop got stolen.

Stolen from r/programmerhumor

Someone brought back the stolen fox.

First of all how the fuck you are able to tell that MY password is one of many that have been stolen? How you are able to get those stolen passwords AND WHY YOU ARE EVEN ABLE TO COMPARE THEM?! Are you storing as plain text or just randomly salt all stolen passwords and chceck if they are in your base?

Now that is an INSTAdelete.

I started at a company to develop an "uber" clone. Hired by the company's cto. I was happy initially as i had been unemployed for a while but that's because i didn't see the shitstorm coming. The task was build this using php, well 2 weeks later and db locking issues because mysql only allows 100 connections and the website takes over 200mb per request, i tried using the meteor framework, a lil better but the orphaned process would require me to reboot every 2 days. So enter erlang, built in 3 weeks works amazing problems none here... Well in comes the cto (which came in once a week). Apparently he had been reviewing my code and didn't understand it. He couldn't understand no for loops etc and demanded that it be made understandable to a normal dev. Did normal devs write uber no. Anyhow i spent the next 6 Weeks refactoring trying to make elixir looks like imperative programming, he finally gave up, so now I'm deep committed writing an API, finish in a week cto comes in and "why aren't you using patch" i don't need it, well another day implanting a patch api that will never be used. Ok done. Now we have a meeting with the investors who i worked in the same building with and they want a frontend built. I explained i was a backend dev and they needed a uiux expert. Next week cto comes back with this jquery fire pit and stolen bootstrap theme and take me with implementing it. This time we scrap the api change some of the backend logic and implement rest from the 90s one static page per request. After 3 months working with jquery I'm let go because of finical issues. I told them i was a backend dev but they didn't listen if the cto would've gotten a frontend expert things would be different but what to expect from a cto who's coding legacy is creating WordPress plugins.

Hopefully things will be better soon I'm tired of living on the streets.

When you forget to normalize or standardize your data.

After two iPhones stolen in a month I decided to buy a Samsung and I really like it much more than iOS

He read "Knowledge is a wealth that cannot be stolen"

Then saw me doing something with chmod and then he typed on his terminal

chmod 777 -R

A few days ago Aruba Cloud terminated my VPS's without notice (shortly after my previous rant about email spam). The reason behind it is rather mundane - while slightly tipsy I wanted to send some traffic back to those Chinese smtp-shop assholes.

Around half an hour later I found that e1.nixmagic.com had lost its network link. I logged into the admin panel at Aruba and connected to the recovery console. In the kernel log there was a mention of the main network link being unresponsive. Apparently Aruba Cloud's automated systems had cut it off.

Shortly afterwards I got an email about the suspension, requested that I get back to them within 72 hours.. despite the email being from a noreply address. Big brain right there.

Now one server wasn't yet a reason to consider this a major outage. I did have 3 edge nodes, all of which had equal duties and importance in the network. However an hour later I found that Aruba had also shut down the other 2 instances, despite those doing nothing wrong. Another hour later I found my account limited, unable to login to the admin panel. Oh and did I mention that for anything in that admin panel, you have to login to the customer area first? And that the account ID used to login there is more secure than the password? Yeah their password security is that good. Normally my passwords would be 64 random characters.. not there.

So with all my servers now gone, I immediately considered it an emergency. Aruba's employees had already left the office, and wouldn't get back to me until the next day (on-call be damned I guess?). So I had to immediately pull an all-nighter and deploy new servers elsewhere and move my DNS records to those ASAP. For that I chose Hetzner.

Now at Hetzner I was actually very pleasantly surprised at just how clean the interface was, how it puts the project front and center in everything, and just tells you "this is what this is and what it does", nothing else. Despite being a sysadmin myself, I find the hosting part of it insignificant. The project - the application that is to be hosted - that's what's important. Administration of a datacenter on the other hand is background stuff. Aruba's interface is very cluttered, on Hetzner it's super clean. Night and day difference.

Oh and the specs are better for the same price, the password security is actually decent, and the servers are already up despite me not having paid for anything yet. That's incredible if you ask me.. they actually trust a new customer to pay the bills afterwards. How about you Aruba Cloud? Oh yeah.. too much to ask for right. Even the network isn't something you can trust a long-time customer of yours with.

So everything has been set up again now, and there are some things I would like to stress about hosting providers.

You don't own the hardware. While you do have root access, you don't have hardware access at all. Remember that therefore you can't store anything on it that you can't afford to lose, have stolen, or otherwise compromised. This is something I kept in mind when I made my servers. The edge nodes do nothing but reverse proxying the services from my LXC containers at home. Therefore the edge nodes could go down, while the worker nodes still kept running. All that was necessary was a new set of reverse proxies. On the other hand, if e.g. my Gitea server were to be hosted directly on those VPS's, losing that would've been devastating. All my configs, projects, mirrors and shit are hosted there.

Also remember that your hosting provider can terminate you at any time, for any reason. Server redundancy is not enough. If you can afford multiple redundant servers, get them at different hosting providers. I've looked at Aruba Cloud's Terms of Use and this is indeed something they were legally allowed to do. Any reason, any time, no notice. They covered all their bases. Make sure you do too, and hope that you'll never need it.

Oh, right - this is a rant - Aruba Cloud you are a bunch of assholes. Kindly take a 1Gbps DDoS attack up your ass in exchange for that termination without notice, will you?

Steeling crime in our office
My mug is stolen and being used by a colleague
I am suspecting the newbies that started 2 weeks ago

Was busy today doing some house work. Everything was normal till afternoon.

Me thinking of using laptop noticed that there was no laptop

My office laptop and another bag was stolen from my home .

It had most of the production details and source code. Running behind police for help now.

Informed my boss too about this incident.

Will update on what happens tomorrow in office.

Fuck that person who stole my office laptop and destroyed my Peace.

Am I the only one who doesn't understand apple card? Like really, it's just the worst pitch ever!

"Apple card. Made by apple. Not a bank" that's a REAL ad I saw today. Why would you trust APPLE more than an FDIC insured bank with decades or (in some select cases) CENTURIES of experience in finance?

"No more card numbers and CVV"
Cool. I get it. Card numbers get leaked and stolen. But that's why banks insure cards and reverse fradulant transactions. How an I'm supposed to use it on Amazon?! I'm sure they have an answer. Like maybe one time use generated cards. But they haven't advertised it yet, and that's a problem!

Why do they think people want this!? And even more so, because I've seen some people are excited: WHY DO PEOPLE WANT THIS?! why is apple trying to make everything?!

Stolen from meme compilation :p

I had good support.

I got access to a computer at 10 when my mother brought home the ones they used for education to avoid them being stolen

That was a couple of sinclair ZX80

I the got to go to 5 different programming courses over the next 4 years before being able to get a summer job at 14 to by my own spectravideo 128.

At 1) I started teaching through mother job and at 18 I wrote my first commercial program for my father.

I am now 50 and still in the business:)

Regarding Article 13 (or 17 or wherever it moved to now)… Let's say that the UK politicians decide to be dicks and approve the law. After that, we need to get it engineered in, right? Let's talk a bit about how.. well, I'd maybe go over it. Been thinking about it a bit in the shower earlier, so.. yeah.

So, fancy image recognition or text recognition from articles scattered all over the internet, I think we can all agree.. that's infeasible. Even more so, during this lobby with GitHub and OpenForum Europe, guy from GitHub actually made a very valid point. Now for starters, copyright infringement isn't an issue on the platform GitHub that pretty much breathes collaboration. But in the case of I-Boot for example, that thing from Apple that got leaked earlier. If that would get preemptively blocked.. well there's no public source code for it to get compared against to begin with, right? So it's not just "scattered all over the internet, good luck crawling it", it's nowhere to be found *at all*.

So content filtering.. yeah. Nope, ain't gonna happen. Keep trying with that, EU politicians.

But let's say that I am a content creator who hates the cancer of joke/meme because more often than not it manifests itself as a clone of r/programmerhumor.. someone decides to freeboot my content. So I go out, look for it, find it. Facebook and the likes, make it easier to find it in the first place, you dicks. It's extremely hard to find your content there.

So Facebook implements a way to find that content a bit easier maybe. Me being the content creator finds it.. oh blimey! It can't be.. it's the king of freebooting on Facebook, SoFlo! Who would've thought?! So at that point.. I'd like to get it removed of course. Report it as copyright infringement? Of course. Again Facebook you dicks, don't make it so tedious to fill in that bloody report. And look into it quickly! The videos those SoFlo dicks post is only relevant in the first 48h or so. That's where they make the most money. So act more quickly.

So the report is filled, video's taken down.. what else? Maybe temporarily make them unable to post as a bit of a punishment so that they won't do it again? And put in a limit to the amount of reports they can receive. Finally, maybe reroute the revenue stream to the original content creator instead. That way stolen content suddenly becomes free exposure! Awesome!

*suddenly realizes that I've been talking about the YouTube copyright strike system all along*

… Well.. maybe something like that then? That shouldn't be too hard to implement, and on YouTube at least it seems to be quite effective. Just imagine SoFlo and the likes that are repeat offenders, every 3 posts they get their account and page shut down. Good luck growing an audience that way. And good luck making new accounts all the time to start with.. account verification technology is pretty good these days. Speaking of experience here, tried bypassing Facebook's signup hoops a fair bit and learned a bit about some of the things they have red flags on, hehe.

But yeah, something like that maybe for social media in general. And.. let's face it, the biggest one that would get hurt by something like this would be Facebook. And personally I think it's about time for that bastard company to get a couple of blows already.

What are your thoughts on this?

I'm fucked on wine so I'm just going to fucking rant this one out.

Noticed and only by random chance that a comment I made was gone, and though huh. What the fuck. Have I been downvoted to hell? Nah, I don't think so. Then why?

Ah, post is gone. Wait, what? THE POST IS GONE? WHY.

I hate you for deleting shit. You got that? I. HATE. YOU. It's not about your background, your ethnicity, your gender or how much of a fucking voidstar your heart is. I don't give a single fuck about THAT.

But you deleted a GODDAMN RANT? I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. That is now a moment that might as well have never existed. You have basically given me the virtual equivalent of a blackout. You've STOLEN my time.

And all for what? Nothing, big ole pile of fuck & nuthin. You're a goddamn chicken man. Do and do not regret. Act like a MAAANNN.

I tell you this is the first problem. Cowardice. This is THE very first problem. Shit has to be done but them be afraid-ers. And not even behind the keyboard you can muster some balls. THAT is an insult. A very serious one.

And don't gimmie your sob story, fuck you. I'm under minimum wage and my wife is dead. I don't use that to justify shit. That'd be disgraceful. Have some fucking BAWLZ man. Step up, own up, or shut the fuck up.

Yadda, yadda, might come off as an attack. Well what you basically launched was an attack, on a much broader scale that this. So what. Aren't we all grownups? Sorry, I thought this wasn't fucking kindergarten. Express yourself. Talk it out. If you think there's an issue, then the LEAST you can do is bring it up. And I support on you on that. But if you can't stand to do even that then why in the fuck are you opening your mouth in the first place. Or writing, in this case. You get the idea.

I'm gonna go in circles probably but what the hell. I blame the USA. So sensitive about words. Not so sensitive when launching drone strikes, but that's a sotry for another day. Don't get political on me or I'll haunt your dreams, that is a promise, one I can certainly keep. You don't know about my arcane powers.

Also what IS a bias. I have some vague idea of what BIOS is but not bias. Sounds funny as fuck to me. Prejudice bad? Ya sure yet everybody is higher than shit on prejudice. Sniffup that thing, man. Ugh. That's good. There's some kids in my neighborhood, literally sitting right around the corner, slanging yeyo. They ain't got shit. The mother fucking police takes most of their illicit earnings, funny enough. You think they ain't buried up to their necks in solid shit? Ah, but what YOU go through is so terrible, people are so mean.

You're soft like a newborn, Pippin. But you're not a baby anymore. Grow a fucking pair. Go out there and tell 'em they suck. You can do it babyboy. This is now motivational harassing. GET IT TOGETHER.

I got lost now and don't want to rewind this. But I'm going to lead by example now and click POST on this viscous, stinking dump of a rant, and bear all of the "NEGATIVITY" in order to show you how it's done. You're welcome.

One more thing fix the fucking image uploading because I miss the spicy memes, goddamit. I need another drink.

Shamelessy stolen from nixCraft

You mother fucking piece of shit.

Whoever taught you programming should be removed from history.

And whatever form of intelligence you claim to possess, let me assure you: breathing is the limit of it.

--

Some of the projects I'm working on are really the epitome of "YOLO let's turn the poopomat machine on in diarrhea mode".

The worst: I cannot really give examples.

I've seen the last days everything.

(bash scripting, docker, services like nginx /haproxy/...)

Eval as an template generator in bash...

Declaring an whole environment in an Dockerfile, that should never be used as it is only necessary for building... But not checking if an env file is provided, so the whole thing can blow up spectacularly.

A nearly 1k long bash calculator for system limits, reading out all kinds of stuff from /proc and /sys, seemingly partially stolen from NGINX Docker.

Declaring and starting an own DNS Server to bypass the Docker DNS service inside an docker container.

Mkfifo fun for creating several stdout and stderrs for seemingly no reason...

Actively not using bash, instead of creating shell only functions to emulate bash...

I could go on.

But really. I'm getting too old for this shit.

work from home. desk and pretty much everything with it stolen in family dispute. I'm holding my laptop on a small nightstand. finally got a new pc today at least :/

Say hello to my next new toys :D
Upgrade to Pi3+ :) (My last ones got stolen...)

My december salary is delayed for a year (i’ll get paid around 2 or 3 january).

This broke af fireworks pic is how my new year looks like.

P.S Pic is stolen from facebook

Rant considering the latest Cyber attack and the news around it.

(A recap: a lot of Windows computers were infected with ransomware (due to security hole on Windows), which demanded 300$ in bitcoins to unlock data. After 3 days the price would double, and after 7 days the data was to be deleted)
1) In our country, one of the biggest companies was attacked (car factory). The production stopped and they got for around 1 000 000€ damage in less than 24h (1300 people without work). The news said that they were attacked because they are such a big company and were charged more, as the hackers "knew who they were dealing with" - another reason being the fact that the text was in croatian (which is our neighbor country), but noone realized that it is just a simple google translate of english text - which is obviously not true. The hackers neither know nor care who is hacked, and will charge everyone the same. They only care about the payment.
2) In UK whole (or large part) of medical infrastructure went down. The main thing everyone was saying was: "Nobody's data is stolen". Which, again, is obvious. But noone said anything about data being deleted after a week, which includes pretty much whole electronic medical record of everyone and is pretty serious.
And by the way, the base of the ransomware is code which was stolen from NSA.
All that millions and millions of dollars of damage could be avoided by simply paying the small fee.
The only thing that is good is that (hopefully) the people will learn the importance of backups. And opening weird emails.
P.S. I fucking hate all that 'hacky thingys' they have all over the news.

DEVRANT: need not apply

/* stolen from @gsiskind twitter account */

Start to read the book from Jaron Lanier "Who owns the Future". And suddenly realize that the company which offering us "free services" is trying to build a superior model of machine learning and read all of our behaviour.

Thus, i start to logout my facebook, twitter, instagram and all of my social media. But, i'm not the lucky one who could fight this "selling data practices", because I still use devices with "Android OS". My privacy stolen & sold is inevitable. What a Digital Life!

"Using MD5" !? What year are we in again?

NOTICE OF DATA BREACH

Dear Yahoo User,
We are writing to inform you about a data security issue that may involve your Yahoo account information. We have taken steps to secure your account and are working closely with law enforcement.
...
What Information Was Involved?

The stolen user account information may have included names, email addresses, telephone numbers, dates of birth, hashed passwords (using MD5)

Best: the pandemics allowed me to spend three months of lockdowns with my geeky best friend, almost two months with my dad.

Worst: one more year of Angular, getting my idea stolen, my work shat on,... also breaking my foot

What's the best Slav programming language?

Hint: czech motorcycle, typically red

Stolen from Life of Boris Q&A

- finish the app for my school
- FUCKING finish the google scholarship before time ends ._.
- learn git
- build a home fileserver, like a own cloud, which can be accesed even further away (has any one some tips on how to do it? ^^)
- attach a gps tracker to my moped, which I can then see on a mobile app (because I don't want it to be stolen...)
- rebuild my homevillages website
- learn python
- replace my android Java with kotlin
- apply to an internship for a software design company
- more and more and more
uff. ._.''

Hope you guys will have a nice and PRODUCTIVE 2018! :^)

concerned parent: if all your friends jumped off a bridge would you follow them?
machine learning algorithm: yes.

Can I complain most of the memes or jokes in this platform have been overused

I'm usually not the one to speak but sometimes I just see overused jokes or those stolen from Reddit.

Have some originality

(and before you ask, my own memes are on Reddit as well. I repost my own memes, not someone else's)

I know there's no solution to this that wouldn't cause more problems because all humans seem to do is exploit whatever they can get their hands on but I hate how through technology, anyone can create entirely new identities to stalk and harass others. From the shit maggots and incels who vomit dumb shit or act aggressive online to the disturbing, obssessive, should-have-been-removed-from-the-gene-pool cowards who stalk you for years, you can't seem to do anything to defend yourself other than to block whatever new accounts they create and carry the paranoia of someone other than Sunblock Mark watching you either through your own portfolio or even GitHub profile.

What life can you still have when you've avoided most types of social media and you get followed around in other sites that are supposed to help your career? There's nothing left for peace aside from being a true hermit. It's just the fact of the internet and the dark side of the lowlives. What can you do about these things? The police wouldn't care if an ex and family members have been stalking you for five years until something physical actually happens. Nevermind the fact that just getting a "hi" from these people is enough to drag you into a trail of nightmares every time you close your eyes on the next few weeks until you hear from them again. Oh, look how harmless, he's just saying "hi". Let's check the spam folder. Oh there it is, the email he sent at 3AM in the morning that he probably figured out you blocked so he created a new email that will go through with the same damn message at 9AM. I've been ignoring him for half a decade and I blocked him? Surely that is not enough to make him stop, he's such a normal person.

No, telling him to stop is not an option. I already told him that several times back in 2015 and he went on and attempted to hack every social media I had. He then went on to "visit" me in my condo and wait by the door. I slept with a knife under my pillow and got the fuck out of that city forever. Stayed the fuck away from Facebook too and still get stalked on LinkedIn and even GitHub for fuck's sake. What can I do? Report him? For what? For saying "hi" too many times? Then you get crap about others having worse problems than you as if this kind of shit isn't killing you on the inside. Let's just overwhelm the people who work on themselves and try to succeed until they remove themselves from the Earth and we're left with the disgusting fuckers who have nothing to do and nothing to contribute.

I know this sounds like a non-problem problem but it really messes with my head and every day, it pisses me off that people like this can't be stopped until they do physical harm. No one cares about the mental damage they cause. No one cares about how disturbing their behaviors are. Now the past haunts me and I keep dreaming I was still in the same shithole I used to live in, dating the same Flowcode abusive engineer, getting even my tomatoes stolen, my family fucking up every tiny glimmer of hope and happiness in me. It's so ridiculous that it's kinda funny.

A few weeks ago, I was watching "Perfect Blue" with my partner. He said I've always been calm in most situations but he's never seen me get so worked up over a movie. This is despite watching morbid true crime, war, paranormal shit, and others. This movie along with the Jessica Jones series, trigger the fucking hell out of me and I'm glad they exist as another genre of horror because they truly are terrifying.

I just hate this. I fucking hate the fact that I have to be the one to do all the work and get therapy when the ones who truly need them are freely doing pathetic shit and possibly harassing others too. Fuck you all, I hope your ding dongs dry up and no child would ever have to bear the nightmare of being around parasites like you.

fuck people who need to be hacked to care about security.

i hope everyone who used that early ap scores gets their credit cards stolen because they don't know how to use a vpn.

(Stolen, of course.)
Many people believe that driverless cars will have a great impact on the elderly. Specifically, if they don't cross the street fast enough.

!rant

Today I almost lost my not a year old motorcycle.

I parked my motorcycle in a parking lot, kept the key on the seat and left. After an hour I realised that I hadn't brought my key after locking my motorcycle. I ran to the parking lot like a mad bull. Fortunately my motorcycle was not stolen and the key was still there on the seat. 😌

‪Apple corp. (Apple) founded in London in January 1968 by the members of the Beatles.

So Apple name is also stolen 😂‬

Got my phone stolen today... So sad :c

How am I supposed to rant on the go now?

What's worse in an open office?

A) Music
B) People

(Shamelessly stolen from Twitter, credit @dustin)

I've finally found a goldmine of accurate job listings that don't include Windows shit-administration... So I'm thinking of sending out applications to all of them. Problem is, as you might recall from my previous rants, I had a flash drive with my GPG keypair on it stolen from me. I still haven't fully replaced the key (I made another one and published it but I'm not using it yet), and because I'm fairly confident that this flash drive's data has never been used (so likely just plugged into Windows and formatted), it's unlikely that I'm gonna bother rotating all of the contents that were on that flash drive.

That said however, my emails now all have signatures underneath them as follows:
Met vriendelijke groet / Best regards,
[my name]

- My outbound email is usually signed with my private key. If not, please don't hesitate to ask me about it through a different communication platform.

IMPORTANT: My keys have possibly been compromised. An encrypted flash drive on which this GPG keypair was stored has been stolen from me. I'm in the process of phasing out and replacing this key. Please do not use it to encrypt any emails to me anymore.

Not entirely sure whether I should remove or keep that last bit. As a potential employer, would you see this as a red flag (he's got encrypted data stolen from him, wtf that's incompetent), or as a nice thing to know that it was properly disclosed (so no secrecy around potential data breaches)? Both seem equally likely so I'm a bit confused about what I should do.

stolen from reddit, sue me

Stolen but so funny:

QA Tester walks into a bar:

He orders a beer.
He orders 3 beers.
He orders 2976412836 beers.
He orders 0 beers.
He orders -1 beer.
He orders q beers.
He orders nothing.
Él ordena una cerveza.
Il commande une bière.
He orders a deer.
He tries to leave without paying.
He starts ordering a beer, then throws himself through the window half way through.
He orders a beer, gets his receipt, then tries to go back.
He orders a beer, goes to the door of the bar, throws a handful of cookies into the street, then goes back to the bar to see if the barmaid still recognizes him.
He orders a beer, and watches very carefully while the barmaid puts his order into the till to make sure nothing in his request got lost along the way.
He starts ordering a beer, and tries to talk the barmaid into handing over her personal details.
He orders a beer, sneaks into the back, turns off the power to the till, and waits to see how the barmaid reacts, and what she says to him.
He orders a beer while calling in thousands of robots to order a beer at exactly the same time.

People on election day: "OMG a subset of the machines are not working!!"

People who work in IT every single day: "lol no shit."

Fuck the feelings of powerlessness and helplessness. when a friend comes crying for you for help with their hacked account and you keep asking them about what they did to protect it in the first place and they reply with nothing, no recovery email, no recover phone, no secondary verification, NOTHING. and you can do nothing but stand there and watch them cry while you can literally do nothing because there literally nothing you can do to retrieve their stolen accounts. FUCK BLACK HAT HACKERS.

Now that my math posts have failed to garner the anger they formerly did, we here at Wisecrack Studios, like all teams of people completely out of ideas, have come up with a brilliant never-before-tried concept to bring fresh shitposts to your pocket-telescreen this fine year of 2020.

We present to you the DevRant shitposter census!

Yes we pride ourselves in our quality bait and bullshit here at WS. Founded in [previous year a long long time ago], we focus on craftmanship, tradition, and doing it right. Our bait is loved the world over for "it's fresh flavor", "so good, it's like you're abusing heroin right along with the company employees!'

And now, you too get to participate and choose your very own bullshit!
You could say we may have invented a totally new word just to describe it: crowdsourcing!
Isn't it just *brilliant*.

Here is Wisecrack's "Private Select" census, of only the most choice *premium* finely-aged shitpost ideas for this [current year].

Please, please, one vote per customer!

* Moar javascript shitposts (no we won't be doing any more, even WE are tired of js rants).

* Overly pixelated memes (obviously not) blatantly ripped and automatically uploaded via shitty selenium scripts

* Real life hijinxs, trolling shitty companies hiring processes for fun at their expense!

* DevRantCon now with 100% more orgies. Reserve your kickstarter ticket today.

* Disappointing vaporware announcements that take ten minutes to read and build your excitement up only to crush it before your very eyes like a child's first lego build in the hands of an angry nd merciless andre the giant disappointed by the craftmanship of a five year old.

* A livestream of a monkey on an actual typewriter, with a btc betting pool each time an actual word is typed, along with a $5 "shock the monkey" button to spice things up a bit
(our lawyers are informing us this may or may not be illegal in some or all nations. We'll get back to you when sealand responds with our request about their laws on unnecessary animal cruelty. )

* Video conference with devrants creators where we all play "I've never" that doesn't end until at least one person passes out black drunk.

* Weekly comedy write ups with jokes (not obviously) blatantly stolen from cards against humanity

* HipsterRants: why your favorite [thing - game, music, movie, book] sucks, and why I hate you for liking it.

* Did we mention javascript rants?

* Cool new projects by devranters and our merciless breakdown of why each one is pure, unadulterated shit, everything that was done wrong, and why you should personally be ashamed for using it.

* SadRants: cancer, meth abuse, homelessness, how we'll all die at the end, and how the sun will one day turn into a giant ball of fire that will consume the earth and leave no trace that anyone ever existed, and nothing we do will ultimately matter.

* HappyRants: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) oh yeah, you feeling it now mr krabs?

* Technical breakdowns that are completely wrong, utterly incompetent, intentionally misleading, and wildly upvoted by people who are unfamiliar.

Vote for your favorite topic/idea today! or even submit your own for our 'consideration'!

Clickbait, now in technicolor!

==stolen
Gf: Your mom wanted to talk to you. I think you should call her
Me: mom();

I'm fiddeling around with progressive web apps. I made something and hosted it on a subdomain. Today I made a typo and found my app on an other domain. All my assets and files are copied there. He even uses my SSL certificate.

It's not that spectacular. The app is nothing "revolutionary". It's just the first time it happend to me.

Have you ever found your code on other websites ? How did you react ?

Stolen but gold

Just got off the phone with a (no longer) prospective client. Dude claimed to have an amazing idea that's going to make millions of dollars. Says he got the idea from watching "Shark Tank". In other words, he stole someone else's idea.

Anyway, I listen to his pitch. He tells me to go to zoosk.com. The dating site. I don't say anything yet, wait for his offer, which is the best part. 25% equity. Twenty five percent. I get 25% of something that I'd build, based on a stolen idea. Not even stolen, really. Just fucking unoriginal. A dating site. Yep, the internet needs another one of those, alright.

Where the fuck do these fucking assholes come from

Go for a piss and your pen gets stolen.

how working on weekends being like

stolen, but very funny 😂😂

Wakes up in the morning to find some fucking asshole has stolen my wifi reciever and I have a fucking deadline! Wtf is wrong with human beings nowadays?
Does anyone know a witch?

Legit questions!
How does facebook secures itself, we never heard news like facebook hacked, user data stolen, recently with ddos, twitter and other websites were affected but not Facebook?
Are they superhumans?

Music - usually Pink Floyd. Loud enough to overpower my thoughts.

Worked even better when I could go on a bike ride to clear my head, but my bike got stolen 🤬

Oh, me? I am so excited about all the computing power that's gonna be stolen from people who had updated their Intel CPUs last month.

I dunno what they're up to but I'm sure it's very exciting. I'm lost between Skynet and a one world government cryptocurrency mining they will use the power for.

What do you think?

Update on the previous rant(regarding office laptop stolen):

Company says there might be some deductions in salary. Trying to negotiate with them .

Would like to hear What's your company policy on stolen laptop?

Great start to Halloween, phone has been stolen, and turned off so I can't track it. Oh, and I have no job so I can't get another right now. YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY

Do you guys take your main laptop with you on vacation / travel abroad?

I can't afford to lose my laptop. Every work is saved in it. Some important files have been backed up to cloud. But that's it.

Can't risk getting it damaged or stolen or taken in custody when abroad.

But, if something in my server fucks up when I'm abroad, i want to be able attend it and get it addressed.

I'm thinking of buying a low cost portable laptop to use incase an emergency situation happens.

How do you guys manage such situation?

Friend: where did you go to college, to do something like that?
Me: oh well I went to the university of my bedroom.

Stolen from reddit

Ok so was dating this girl who n has a 8 year old I was with her for 4 year her son calls me dad... Long fucked up shit story short. She cheated fucked me over all that cool I stayed for the kid... A few months later I catch her in my son's bed with another dude.. ya I know right my apartment my everything!!!! How could she right.... but as most men knows Once Upon and gets caught doing something they turn into something completely unrecognizable in ridiculous. If I do whatever she says and wants to still let me in her son's life!! And as soon as I left my apartment to her she moved some dude in with his two kids and stole everything that I had.. so I had to get coppers involved to try to get some stuff... I mean I was free balling to work with no socks .. no towels nothing... you can only imagine how badly I wanted to go into my apartment and destroy this dude.... But for my son's sake I bit my lip and took it... she got a hold of my spare car keys both spare key tab and keys... shortly after I left they run my truck of all my HVAC technician tools... Then to make it worse some months later she emptied out my truck again... and you can only imagine how upset I was about everything because I love that kid and I don't want him to have to go through anything.... Someway somehow her and her new boyfriend got some guys off GitHub I mean I'm getting torn up out here ... GPS trackers .. people following me... and everytime I leave my truck or leave anything that gets broken into and stolen... it was so bad that they even made me lose my job at three different stores that I was working not because of my performance but every time I would walk outside of work my truck wouldn't start or it would be completely ransacked. Someone plz HELPPPPP and yes that's like the 4th GPS tracker that I've taken out of my second vehicle now because of this crap it is literally almost ruined my life

So, at the very day I've been expelled, the university cancelled my MSDNAA account as if they thought they would punish me. (They got Office, Windows and everything Microsoft for students for free there)

It's sad but half of the students have no idea what MSDNAA is and how to use it. Then there is the other half who would still feel like they've been stolen from even if they got a MS product for free.

And then there is me. Because of math which is significantly impossible, I've been expelled. Fuck.

What the mods of Stackoverflow think every single person who ask questions look like.

Stolen from /r/programmerhumor

My stress ball has been stolen!

I came in to work to an email alerting me to a bug in production. I copied the site to staging to work on the issue but I was unable to replicate bug. My rubber duck wasn't helping so I went to go bounce my ball off the wall when I realized I don't have a stress ball anymore.

I spent 7 hours working on the bug without a stress ball before finally fixing it. And now I'm ready to deal with the theft the old-fashioned way.

So my phone got stolen last night. FOR FUCK SAKE. I scrape together enough money to get another cheap phone after the last one broke, and now I need YET ANOTHER ONE WHEN I HAVEN'T GOT A JOB AND CAN'T APPLY FOR ONE WITHOUT ARGRFHUJGHIOSDJGBH:USKDGHISD:

I know someone that’s constantly paranoid about being spied on by the government and fears companies stealing his code e.g. github, Microsoft etc.
His solution:
do nothing until we find a secure platform to write code on so that our ‘billion dollar ideas don’t get stolen’
Suffice to say that he’s a very bad coder, not that I’m really that good but compared to him I’m light years ahead.